Chapter One: "DABD(without the)A

"You'd be surprised what a ninja is asked to do sometimes-maybe even revolted-but it gets done. Whatever 'it' is, it gets done. Hell, you'd be surprised what a ninja can get done with a bottle of sake, an eight-ball of the primo shit, and a warm girl to take to bed..."- Jiraiya of the Sannin to Cherri, a prostitute in the town of Otafuku Gai

"So, the fuck's so important that you had to drag me all the way from the break room, Rikimaru?"

"Well, Kaneda, you asshole, it's gonna be a surprise– I told you that already."

"But I thought that we were just going on a welcome party!"

"We are, bud, 'cept this one's… special."

"So melodramatic, man; I'm tellin' ya, you see one death row inmate, you've seen 'em all."

"Don't lie, handing out beatings is the only joy you get out of this job, no matter who it is on the other side of the bars. Besides, after the welcoming, we gotta get the bastard secured in his cell."

"Oh-ho! So it's a male prisoner, is it? A clue, finally!"

"Ya know, I couldtell who it is behind that door we're about to open, but you wouldn't fucking believe me if I did…"

"Again with the melodrama; for the love of God, don't ever become a playwright."

"Not gonna happen, prison duty is a pretty sweet gig– here we go!"

"Told ya you wouldn't believe me! Told you!"

"…no… fucking… way…"

"Yes way, my friend! We got us a celebrity on 'Yomitsu's Row' now, Kaneda! How about that?"

"So they actually did it…? They gave him the death penalty?"

"Sure as fuck did, treason is a capitol offence, ya know."

"…well, yeah. But still, he's just a kid– he couldn't even know what pussy smells like!"

"Or what to do with an erection besides beat furiously when he thinks he's alone—ANBU still see you, by the way, they're always watching, kid—but here he sits. A kid saddled with a big boy's punishment."

"Shit on me… when's his execution set for?"

"Two weeks from today– they'll most likely wanna hand him over to Ibiki a couple of times, figure out what he's said to who."

"Makes sense."

"Yep. Either that or they'll hand him over to Anko so she can… play."

"Wouldn't mind playing with her myself– bitch has a rack that won't quit, man. But if they give him to Anko, aren't they worried about, you know, past affiliations getting dug up?"

"Maybe. But if they are worried, they'd do best to keep their concerns away from Anko's ears. That's one chick you don't wanna fuck with…"

"Unless you like foreign objects threatening the precipice of your asshole, that is."

"…wow, Kaneda, that was almost poetic," Rikimaru returned with a grin, eyeing their new prisoner.

"I am a man of many talents, Rikimaru-kun," Kaneda said before turning to their prisoner. "But it seems not everyone is swayed by my expansive diction!"

The prisoner continued to stare loathingly at the two chunin guards, silence his only response.

"Quiet type, eh?" Rikimaru asked, removing a tonfa from his belt, "I suppose it's better than the screaming-type, those get real old, real fast." He continued, forcing the prisoner to tilt his head up with the end of his tonfa.

"And-a one, and-a two, and-a-here-we-go-three!" Kaneda chanted.

A dull crack rang throughout the holding cell as the tonfa struck the captive in the chin.

It was the only sound, save for the wet splash that echoed softly as the prisoner spat a mouthful of blood onto the ground.

"Almost, Rikimaru, almost! My turn!" Kaneda stepped up to the prisoner and raised a fist, "You'll find that I prefer the 'hands on' approach—" he levied a hard right hook on the bound captive, "—adds a more personal touch!"

"That it does, Kaneda-kun, that it does!" Rikimaru answered, clubbing the captive in the ribs.

"I like to think my work is unique, man," Kaneda continued, striking the prisoner with a combo of hooks and jabs that culminated in a sweeping roundhouse kick to the chin.

"…nice." Rikimaru whistled as the chair lost its balance and toppled over backwards, leaving the prisoner to stare at the ceiling.

"I try."

"I like to think you try hard enough for the both of us, Kaneda," the chunin guard replied. "But it seems as if we aren't trying hard enough." He gestured towards the prisoner. "Still nary a sound to be heard from his lips!"

"'Nary a sound'…? My God, you've already started writing those plays, haven't you?"

"Shut up, asshole. You let me worry about my free time." Rikimaru snapped, walking over to the upturned chair. "We oughtta focus on the here and now, particularly our young friend here." The chunin punctuated his statement with a kick across the bound captive's face. "As demonstrated."

"Agreed," Kaneda said, kicking the captive in his exposed ribs. "Tough it out all you want, squirt, but we got you for a whole two weeks. That's fourteen days of playtime, buddy!"

There was a small sound uttered. Barely above a whisper, and coated in blood.

"He talks!" Rikimaru exclaimed, bending down with Kaneda to properly listen. "A little louder, though, you're difficult to understand– with the blood and all…"

A few bloody chuckles issued from his mouth. "…I said, 'I don't need to be familiar with the smell to know that you both hit like pussies.'"

There was a pause, then–

"Ha ha ha ha ha, good one kid!" Rikimaru exclaimed, stomping repeatedly into the young man's stomach. "Sense of humor goes real far in these walls, doesn't it, Kaneda?"

"Sure does, my friend!" the chunin in question answered, walking over to the other side of the chair. He pulled out his own tonfa. "The funny ones get special treatment! You've earned it, no more 'hands on' for you!"

"Does that mean you're gonna stop hitting me with your purse?" the captive asked between mouthfuls of blood.

"Gotta give you credit, kid, you got some nerve…" Rikimaru acknowledged while Kaneda snuck in a round of retaliatory strikes to the former genin's ribs. "But you're gonna break. They all do. It's inevitable."

"That… that so, Rikimaru-san?" he wheezed between labored breaths, "think you can break what's already broken? Do your fucking worst, you can't top being dragged broken and beaten back into this village, barely clinging to life, so that the same people set to hang you can heal you– make an example of your failure for all the world to see!" the prisoner tilted his head to the side and spat a bloody gob onto Rikimaru's sandals. "There's nothing you can take from me, you worthless piece of shit!" the boy was practically cackling with glee now. "You two will die and no one will remember your names, it'll be like you never even existed.

"Fuck you two. You want my blood?" The prisoner bothered to spit on Kaneda's sandals for good measure. "You can have it."

There was absolute silence for exactly three seconds. Three long seconds that let the two startled chunin take in their new prisoner and assess the situation.

"…wow…" Kaneda began.

"…Holy shit," Rikimaru picked up. "We might not be able to break him, Kaneda…"

"Seems to be the case…"

"…oh well," Rikimaru looked down at their prisoner. "We're still gonna beat the living fuck outta ya, kid." he grinned.

And so they did.

He was regaining consciousness… slowly.

Everything hurt, particularly the area of his chest that was once encompassed by a giant, gaping hole.

They were dragging him, roughly, to some unknown destination. It was probably his cell, the dank hole where he would run out the last two weeks of his miserable existence in this godforsaken village.

The asshole villagers would probably celebrate his death, being the rotten apple that he is.

Was.

Turned out to be?

Whatever.

Everything still hurt.

The sounds of clanking metal roused him to focus and he cracked open his eyes to see a row of bars sliding by.

The hands supporting him clenched harder and then he was thrown unceremoniously inside the cell, landing in a tangled heap of limbs.

"Geez, kid you look like a bag of mashed up asshole," someone said as the door clanged shut behind them. "But at least you might get to find out what pussy smells like!"

He lay there, breathing slowly and trying not to feel, as the footsteps faded away.

"…fuck my life…" he managed to croak, the effort of speaking requiring far more energy than he was accustom to. "…fuck me…"

And, in an instant, a body was on top of him and a sharp object was at his neck.

"Last guy that tried to rape me," a voice like poisoned honey whispered into his ear, "bled to death– and it wasn't 'cause I slit his throat…"

"…Are you done…?"

The sharp object dug deeper into his skin; it wasn't a kunai.

"Think I'm joking, asshole? Think you can take me 'cause I'm a kunoichi?"

He sighed. "Look at me, you moron, I couldn't stop you from raping me right now if I wanted." he tried to move. "Will you kindly get the fuck off me, now? It's been a long day…"

The girl scrambled off of him, he could see the lower half of her standing against the bunk—and he used the following word very loosely—beds they would be sleeping in.

Yet, he still did not move. There was only silence.

"…"

He sighed again, hating himself and everything in the world to the point that it was almost beautiful, and swallowed his pride. "…I don't suppose you could help me up… I died earlier this week, ya know– whole process takes a lot out of a person…"

He watched the feet take a few wary steps before they faltered.

"…I'm not going to rape you!" he groaned.

The pair of legs resumed their trek over to him and he soon felt a much gentler set of hands begin easing him, slowly, into a sitting position.

"If you'd been raped before," the girl began, helping him to sit in the bottom bunk, "you'd be a lot more cautious, trust me."

Another silence. "…well, I'm sure you'll protect me."

She laughed and he felt her hands tilting his face up. "What's your name… any…no-fucking-way…" her jaw dropped.

It was his eyes, for the briefest of moments, they had flickered red.

The boy extended a blood-caked hand. "Sasuke Uchiha… and you are…?"

"Holy shit… the last Uchiha." The girl marveled at him, even going to so far as to tentatively poke at him with an extended finger.

"…I'm real, you know…" he coughed, feeling like an idiot holding his hand out to nothing.

"…Sorry!" she hastily extended her hand and shook his. "Name's Hikari Noa."

Sasuke regarded her briefly. She was dressed just like him, dull orange jumpsuit and a simple pair of slippers. Her hair was the color of old hay and she kept it shortly cut, not letting the locks fall past her chin.

"So when's your big day, Sasuke-kun?" Hikari asked conversationally, in the manner one would use to discuss a person's birthday.

Already he didn't like her.

She was too… bubbly.

"In two weeks."

Hikari whistled appreciatively. "Man, they must want you dead in hurry! I've still got three months!"

"I'm special like that." The Uchiha deadpanned.

The girl planted herself on his bunk, sidling back towards the wall for support. "So what the fuck did you do, exactly? Try and defect?"

His scowl and silence were answers enough.

"Treason, huh?" she nodded. "Yeah, they'll hang your ass for that, shit. But two weeks? There's something else to the story, I can feel it."

Sasuke continued to glare.

"…might as well tell me, I'm gonna keep asking," she said in a singsong voice before muttering, "not like we've got anything else to do, anyways…"

"Hn. I tried to join up with Orochimaru, if you must know."

She whistled again. "That'd do it! People 'round here hate that man like he was the Kyuubi."

"…that and… I might've caused the deaths of a couple of the other genin– two, tops." Sasuke muttered as an afterthought. "Fuck Neji…"

Hikari scratched her chin thoughtfully. "…man, you're kind of an asshole, huh?"

"…no…"

More silence.

"…maybe…"

"First step is admitting you have a problem," Hikari nodded sagely. "So what happened? What went wrong in what I'm sure was a fool-proof plan to smuggle you out of this village?"

"…I…" he began before losing his voice.

"What?" Hikari asked, holding a cupped hand to her ear, "Little louder, Sasuke-kun."

He didn't want to say it, didn't want to admit it out loud. Then it became real, much more so than some prison bars and a public execution ever could hope to be.

"Dude… take a look around you," Hikari gestured. "we're sharing a cell on death row. Fuck pride, who here could possibly hope to judge you?"

He had lost.

"I… I lo– one of my teammates stopped me at the Valley of the End." he finally muttered.

"Damn, that place seems like bad luck for the Uchiha, period."

"You don't fucking know the half of it…"

"So, who stopped you? Some pretty girl?" Hikari adopted a disturbingly falsetto voice. "Oh, Sasuke-kun, please stay!" She fluttered her eyelashes and Sasuke felt sick. "Pleeeease?"

"Fuck you—"

"—only if ya want your dick cut off!—"

"—that's not how it happened. I almost had the blonde idiot, until he started using some weird kind of chakra…"

Sasuke gripped his still-fresh wound; Naruto hadn't missed with his Rasengan.

Hikari's eyes grew wide. "…blonde? You don't mean Uzumaki-kun, do you?"

"I– what? How'd you know it was Naruto?"

"My God, you didn't know– of course you couldn't have known!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sasuke grumped; he was getting a headache.

"Uzumaki, he's the Kyuubi, you dolt!" the girl hissed vehemently. "That chakra you saw, it was probably the Kyuubi's!"

Sasuke stared, then burst into laughter. "The fuck are you talking about, Hikari?"

"Haven't you ever wondered why the entire village claims to hate him—for no reason, by the way—but, no matter how hard you try, you never seem to figure out why?"

"Never really thought about it…" Sasuke answered. But he was thinking about it; Naruto was annoying, but to be universally hated was a bit of a… stretch. "I figured it was 'cause of all the stupid shit he did around the village."

"How old are you?"

"Just turned thirteen." Sasuke answered, silently willing the girl to get on with it.

"That's why, you're just too young to remember the attack," the girl elaborated fervently. "It was awful, I mostly just remember the odd feeling of the entire village being terrified," she explained, looking at something Sasuke couldn't see. "Everyone was running, screaming, tripping over the bodies of their loved ones and ninja alike…

"I was with my mother, just turned two, and I remember her running with me– didn't matter where, so long as it was away." Hikari continued, turning towards Sasuke, the Uchiha hanging on her every word. "I saw it, you know..."

"The Kyuubi, really?"

"Yeah… just a moment, as my mother finally made it to the Hokage Mountain. But it was… it… it was just evil, ya know?" she finally managed. "No rhyme or reason, just killing, more and more killing."

"I believe you about the evil part, I do," Sasuke acquiesced, "but what does that have to do with Naruto?"

The girl suddenly looked at him in astonishment, like he was an absolute idiot. "What! I was venting you asshole! It's been, like, a month-and-a-half since I've had a visitor!" Hikari punctuated her outburst with a punch to Sasuke's shoulder.

"That hurt, goddamnit!" the teen hissed angrily, rubbing his already battered shoulder.

"Oh, don't be such a pussy," she admonished, surreptitiously wiping away a tear she hadn't meant to let fall and hopping that Sasuke didn't—which he did—notice. "Anyway, the Yondaime? He didn't kill the Kyuubi, I can't be a hundred percent sure, but I don't think you can kill a bijuu– not in the conventional sense anyway.

"But he was a seal master, and he did seal it away. It was your pal Naruto that seemed to get the short end of the stick, being born that night. Hell, it could've been you, give or take a few months…"

Sasuke was stunned to silence, his brain working furiously to find holes in the girl's explanation. "Wait… if what you say is true, how is it that nobody knows? How the hell can something like this be a secret?"

"You can thank the Sandaime for that. I remember, one day, I tried to mention it– my father had never hit me so hard," Hikari reminisced. "It's all 'cause of Sandaime's Law: you mention the sealing, tell Naruto what's really inside him, you get put to death."

And the final piece of the puzzle fell, conveniently, into Sasuke's lap.

The disgraced genin imagined that this was the feeling after someone shit on you.

He never stood a chance, Naruto possessed power to kill him a thousand times over without even coming close to running out of chakra. The blonde idiot just didn't know how to use it.

"…Sasuke-kun… Sasuke-kun!"

"What?" he snapped, finally pulled from his morbid thoughts.

"Well," the former kunoichi gestured encouragingly, "do share with the rest of the class."

The Uchiha shot her a glare before answering. "It's ironic, really. I never stood a chance against the idiot, but he was dead last in our class… and he's quite possibly the most dangerous person in the world." Sasuke shook his head, "the only reason he came after me was because the girl he loves, who happens to love me, begged him to.

"And that moron, came after me, used words full of caring and friendship in vain attempts to change my mind." It was Sasuke's turn to stare into the nothing. "And I would have killed him, right then and there…"

Silence once again reigned, before–

"Shit, you really are an asshole, Sasuke-kun…"

The Uchiha did not have a response.

"…so… scared of dying?" Hikari asked quietly.

And suddenly, she wasn't an older kunoichi, or a prisoner, just a scared little girl asking an honest question with the slim hope of reassurance.

Sasuke idly wondered if this was how Itachi felt when he asked the older Uchiha questions before turning to face Hikari.

"I haven't really thought about it…" he began turning more to better face his cellmate, "I had kinda assumed Naruto's attack was going to be the end of it. I was quite surprised when I woke up with Tsunnade-sama standing over me."

"How awkward was that?"

He shrugged. "She just told me that I would make a full recovery, and would be able to stand trial by the end of the week. My trial went off without a hitch," he added bitterly, "and here I am."

"Yeah… but you didn't really answer my original question, though…" Hikari prodded gently, scared of another bout of silence.

The girl was loathe to admit it, but she was terrified of sitting in this cell with another human being and still feeling absolutely alone in the world.

"I guess the answer is I don't know, Hikari." Sasuke mused. "I kinda just keep thinking about… things that I never really bothered to consider before."

"Like what?" It was barely a whisper.

"Like, will I see my family… after?" What the fuck was wrong with him? He couldn't shut the hell up, instead he found himself pouring out every thought to this stranger he hadn't even known for more than a day. "I can't help but ask myself if I've been a good person, if I'm going to hell– does hell even exist, for that matter?"

Hikari nodded. "To be honest," her eyes were watery again and Sasuke wondered how long it'd been since she'd had a meaningful conversation with another person, "I'm fucking terrified that it's all just gonna end– fade to black and nothing else."

"Yeah," Sasuke acquiesced, glancing towards the barred cell window as a great cheer erupted from Konoha proper. "that's not something I'm looking forward to confronting."

"It's shitty to think about any aspect of the situation," Hikari stated before offering, "but it's kinda…nice—no, that's not it—it… it helps to talk about it, right?"

"Yeah, but you've kinda got me thinking…"

Hikari nodded encouragingly. Another cheer erupted outside the prison walls.

"Well, why aren't we trying to escape? Have you already tried?"

"This isn't a movie, Sasuke-kun," the girl said sadly. "We'd need some outside help, even then, probably a miracle or two…"

That sufficiently stumped Sasuke into silence.

More people cheered.

"Sounds like a helluva party," Hikari muttered, walking over to peer outside the cell window.

"They probably announced the date of my execution," Sasuke muttered dejectedly.

"Nah…" the girl waved him off. "Sounds like a festival, or block party, or something." She stood on her toes to get a better view. "Yup, definitely a festival, you can see the lights even from up here…"

"Will you two just shut the hell up and fuck, already!"

Sasuke jerked his head, searching for the origin of the catcall, but Hikari was already brandishing her handmade shiv at the offending prisoner.

"You wait 'till I see you in the yard, bitch! I'm gonna carve you a new fucking cunt!"

The offending inmate flipped the pair of former genin the bird, and retreated into the recesses of his cell, muttering. "…free pussy and doesn't even know what to do with it…"

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" Sasuke quipped, not expecting an answer from the girl.

"Fuck no, if the bitch was here I'd carve her a new one, too."

Sasuke was surprised by the girl's vehemence; she seemed generally angry, more so than with the inmate from the other side of the cellblock. "Where is she, then?"

"Killed her." she said simply.

"You– what!"

"Well, how the hell else do ya think I got here? Treason? Even I'm not that crazy, Sasuke-kun."

"Well, I figured– I mean…" he was searching for the words to convey his meaning as well as hide his feelings.

The girl left the window, finally tired of straining to see the village, and sat down next to him. "Didn't I already tell you? There's no point in lying, we're already dead, anything you keep to yourself is just something else that'll get buried in the ground with you…" She paused and Sasuke thought, for one terrifying moment, that she was going to actually reach out and take his hand but she seemed to decide against it and disguised the slip by tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear before continuing. "Might as well just spit it out, Sasuke-kun. I've got nothing better to do than listen."

Sasuke sighed in weary defeat. "Look at it this way," he began slowly, gathering his thoughts, "you're talking to someone who would pretty much give anything to see his mother again. Hear her tell me how proud she is…"

The last part left his mouth in a traitorous whisper, spoken to the world, never to be taken back. He had admitted it, and now it was real. "Fuck me and my life…"

"I get you," Hikari shrugged. "Thing is, people like you don't ever seem to take into account the shitty parents. The ones that cheat on their spouses, or beat on their wives and children, spend all their money on drug benders or gambling trips. Those people are real, Sasuke-kun, and they are awful."

"Guess I was lucky, for awhile… before Itachi left, anyway."

"What was he like?" Hikari asked. The famed Uchiha was known for both his actions before and after the Massacre.

"Itachi? He was perfect. In every way. So perfect that he didn't waste a stroke of his ninjato the night he decided to butcher our entire clan."

"Damn, that's brutal. But," she chanced a glance at the Uchiha and found his face a blank slate, "why'd he spare you?"

"I'm never going to find out. I always figured that I'd have to force the answer from him with a blade to his neck– too bad I'm not gonna–" he paused.

There was another cheer, but it wasn't the same, something was off.

"Again with the tight lips? Look–"

"No, listen!" he hissed.

The girl paused and rose to look out the window again.

There was another swelling of noise, another cheer. "No, that's not right, they're–"

"Sasuke… they're screaming!"

Curiosity overpowered pride. "Help me to the window, Hikari."

The girl strode over to the Uchiha and gently eased him up. Just standing was a labor in and of itself, but through mutual effort, Sasuke was able to peer outside the window.

A second after he began scanning for the source of the commotion, a small explosion erupted, vomiting a spew of fire into the sky as debris rained down upon that section of Konoha.

"The fuck was th–"

Another explosion, this one on the other side of the village, sent some of the taller buildings up in flames.

"Oh my God…" the girl had a hand to her mouth.

All around Konoha, small-scale explosions were going off destroying homes, buildings, and businesses. The Village Hidden in the Leaves was peppered with several billowing columns of smoke as the villagers screamed in mass panic.

"Do you think it's another attack? Sound again?"

"There were summons last time, though. And that giant sand monster… I think this is the work of terrorists, maybe even civilians." Hikari offered, trying to locate any sign of enemy shinobi.

"Wait… Hikari, do you see that?"

She did.

"Sasuke, it's getting closer!"

The object seemed to be headed straight for the prison, not deterred by the heavy forestation nor the steep incline that lead up the cliff where the prison sat overlooking Konoha.

Sasuke watched it burn towards him, seemingly locked on the cell window he was staring out of.

The Uchiha swallowed a lump in his throat. It couldn't be…

That wasn't some fireball headed for the prison, it was chakra. And Sasuke had only ever seen chakra like that come from one person…

"Get back!" the Uchiha shouted, using all his meager strength to force Hikari and himself against the far wall of their cell.

There was almost a serene silence, if such a thing could exist while the world was falling apart around your ears…

Then…

"RASENGAN!"

The outer wall exploded in a maelstrom of debris and rock, triggering a caterwauling alarm and causing every inmate within the vicinity to begin screaming.

Sasuke managed to look up and there he stood.

Covered in blood-red chakra that seemed to lick at his burnt and peeling skin, silhouetted against their burning village like the demon that razed it once before, stood Naruto Uzumaki.

The blonde turned briefly to watch an explosion that sent the Yondaime's face crumbling down from the Hokage Mountain onto the terrified villagers below.

"Kage Bunshin no jutsu." He muttered, and non-cloaked clone appeared and quickly moved to pick Sasuke up, slinging him across its back.

The Uchiha motioned for Hikari to follow, too shocked to bother with anything else.

Naruto caught his eye. "We're leaving. Now." He said, sparing one glance at the female prisoner before leaping out of the hole his jutsu had made.

The clone carrying Sasuke soon followed, Hikari not far behind.

They ran until the village was well from their sights, ran until the sounds of terror fell deaf.

For as long as he could, Sasuke Uchiha watched the village of Konohagakure no Sato burn.

A/N: So, this is what I've been working on during my absence from the site. It's my little pet monster of an experiment. I am grateful to each and everyone of you who take the time to peruse my work, but for the faint of heart, you might as well fuck off right now and be done with it. This one isn't for you. Money is evil and it warps and twists us in ways we never thought imaginable. Happy reading.

Regards,

-Andrew

Also, reward, most likely an early preview, to those who catch the reference in the chapter title.

Furthermore: HA, sign in and I'll send you a preview of chapter two if you'd like. You at least guessed and were technically right.

Everyone else: Kubler-Ross, goddamnit!