People could fall apart.

It was a scary thing, when one really thought about it very hard. A person, a strong person with pride and love and hate, could just fall apart. They could sink into themselves, become vulnerable, not even try to keep up an image. As though they were worse than dead.

Arthur knew it could happen; it had very nearly happened to his own father. His father had sat and stared at a wall for a year when he lost his daughter. The incident that spelled his father's death – Arthur's birthday – had also helped him to drag himself out of his own little hell.

And then he had died.

It was betrayal that had driven Uther to that. Something that could break even someone as strong as the king, who was practically made of the steel visible in his eyes.

Arthur felt a certain fear whenever he thought of it; when he died, he wanted to go fighting. Or from a sickness… Or something. He wanted it to be quick and honorable. He didn't want to fall apart.

Even through all the betrayals Arthur had suffered so far in his life, he hadn't let himself spiral down for very long. Agravaine, Guinevere, Lancelot, Morgana… And the smaller ones, like the lie of his mother's ghost and Cedric. Part of the reason that Arthur was able to deal with all was that he had his safeguard, his own shadow that was always able to snap him out of it.

Merlin. He had Merlin. Merlin with a quick smile and wise words and the ability to keep the world from falling around everyone's ears.

Arthur could survive most things, he admitted to himself once in a rare moment of unguarded affection, as long as he had Merlin there to be a bulwark.

But hopefully, something like that wouldn't happen again.

After all, the world could only throw so much on one king in a lifetime, right?