Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Merlin, all I have is a car called Rupert and an extensive collection of books and dvds.

Warnings: Swear words, some malexmale sexual imagery and Merthur.

Summary: Being immortal means Merlin just has to wait around for those he loves to be reincarnated, and that includes Arthur Pendragon. But in Arthur's last lifetime the two had a falling out meaning now that Arthur is back again, Merlin doesn't want anything to do with him. And he really doesn't care what Morgana has to say on the subject. (Or Gwaine for that matter either!)

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So this chapter is a bit of a filler, letting you know what happened to Merlin before he turned up at Gwaine's in such a panic.

Now on with the story...

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Enough

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"Is this your way of saying sorry?" Merlin laughed as Arthur pressed him further into the bed he was lying on, "because normally the making..."

"Less talking, more kissing." Arthur growled covering Merlin's mouth and letting his hands begin to wander down the body he had pinned until he reached the top of the warlocks jeans. After a moment's pause he undid the button and slipped his hand inside only to freeze. Freeze and then quickly retract his hand and entire body from Merlin.

"Can't you do anything right?" he snarled.

"What?" Merlin replied puzzled.

"I told you that you had to change. I told you until you learnt you're place, learnt how to do what you're told and appear as you should that this couldn't happen!"

"But it's just us Arthur!"

"What if someone walked in Merlin? What if someone came in right now and saw what you are? Found out that I'm with a man? I told you that for this to work you had to change!"

"I don't understand," Merlin muttered, tears forming in his eyes. "I thought you said that now it was ok? That we could be ourselves this lifetime? That I could be myself?"

"You really believed that? Oh Merlin! My sweet naive idiot! You really think that after all this time it would all change?"

He began laughing.

"Oh Merlin... Merlin... Merlin...Merlin..."

The voice was distinctly not Arthur's anymore and Merlin turned around trying to find out where it was coming from.

"Merlin you need to wake up now, I have a message of you."

He woke suddenly opening his eyes to look at the figure standing next to his bed looking down at him. Despite being yet again unprepared for her arrival he recognised her instantly.

"What are you doing here Freya? Did Morgana let you in?" he asked, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

"I have a message for you," she replied with a smile, "a message from Avalon."

"Avalon?" he questioned bemused.

She nodded. "The elders have held a council and they are willing to let you enter."

Merlin froze waiting for Freya to continue, waiting for the catch.

Appearing to know what he was waiting for she continued. "They haven't asked for a price. They have demanded no sacrifice."

"Then I can go? I can go there now?" he asked.

She shook her head, "No, not just yet. You cannot enter when you aren't whole Merlin. They will not let you enter until your destiny is complete."

"But it is! I freed magic. I helped Arthur become a great king. What more do I have to do?" he cried.

She sat on the edge of the bed and reached up to stroke his face lovingly. "Oh Merlin, did you never wonder why you all keep coming back? Why you can feel their presence whenever they return?"

"I never really thought about it... I just thought... But what am I missing? What did I do wrong?"

"You were never whole my love. You were never at peace with life. Magic may have been free in Camelot but you were never truly free, and neither was Arthur." She smiled at him sadly. "You need to forgive him Merlin. As Kilgharrah would say you are two halves of a coin. Until the coin is whole and free then you cannot enter Avalon."

"And what if I don't? What happens then?" Images of the snarling Arthur from his dream flicking across his mind.

"Then you will not enter Avalon."

"So the cycle will continue?"

"Yes."

"So I have no choice?" he swallowed.

"There is always a choice Merlin." She kissing him on the forehead and stood up. "The elders require something else of you, until you show your willingness to co-operate."

"I thought you said there wasn't a sacrifice?"

"It isn't."

"Oh and what is it then?"

"They would call it insurance, but you'll find out soon enough," she said, giving him a sad smile over her shoulder as she left his room, "Just remember you can't do everything on your own Merlin. Remember that for me?"

"Freya wait!" he called out as he pushed back the covers and jumped out of his bed, running to his door to try catch her. But like in the club she had vanished, and the front door had never been opened.

Damn it! He still had so many questions. What the hell did she mean by free? What did the elders require of him? And what was her parting comment about? Not doing everything on his own? Woman, he decided, were just like dragons, always speaking in damn riddles.

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merlinmerlinmerlinmerlin

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Merlin briefly wondering where Morgana was as he made himself breakfast. Something had felt wrong from the moment Freya had left him. He had replayed his conversation with her on a loop in his head while he showered and dressed, but he was still confused as to what the hell she meant. And now he was beginning to make himself feel dizzy. He was so lost in thought he wasn't paying attention as he went to put the milk down, missing the table. The milk carton hit the floor and its content went everywhere. With a sigh at his own clumsiness he muttered a cleaning spell.

Nothing.

He said it again, this time clearer.

The cartoon jiggled slightly on the floor.

And again, this time gesturing with his hand.

Finally it worked, but he felt slightly drained.

Merlin stood froze for the second time that morning.

They wouldn't have, would they?

They couldn't have!

Oh god!

He began to panic.

Morgana.

He needed Morgana. She would know what to do! She must to know right? He sprinted to his room and frantically dialled her number. She had to know!

"Come on Morgana pick up, pick up." He muttered as he began trembling, the panic setting in deeper. After the fifth time he went to voicemail he grabbed his jacket and ran out the flat, determined to track her down.

With every step he took he could feel his magic being drained from him. It wasn't gone yet, but he was willing to bet if he didn't do something about it soon, it would be.

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Author's note: So Freya is back, and now you know what set Merlin into such a panic. I was going to go up to his turning up at Arthur's, but it just didn't fit right in this chapter. Anyways I hope you all enjoyed it. I'm planning on updating as soon as I can, but I've got my end of semester assignments due soon so no promises as to how soon.

Also is everyone else really upset that season 5 is the last of Merlin? I was gutted!

Next chapter Morgana tries to calm a panicking Merlin, Arthur is not wanted and Gwaine is wondering what the hell is going on!

Leave me a wee review and let me know what you think, or if there is anything/anyone else you want to see pop up in the story.

Until next time... secretambition xx