Matthew felt trapped, duped, manipulated. He did not ask for Lavinia to come back. Indeed, he had been quite adamant in releasing her. He could not give her a life, he could not walk, he could not care for himself in the most intimate ways, he could not be a proper husband… he could not be a lover; he could not give her children. Those were his reasons then and were his reasons now.

And as if he needed more rationale, he realized he had not really missed her since she went away.

Was he to just sit here and acquiesce to her sudden re-appearance in his life? He couldn't walk, but he still had his mind and his heart and it was for him to decide. Not for Lavinia or Cora or his mother or anyone else to determine that Lavinia should come back into his life. Oh he was angry.

His disability was great indeed, but it didn't include his knowing his own mind and that was what particularly angered him. He was being dismissed; his own wishes were being disregarded. That is all he had left. He was enraged.

Lavinia said she loved him and she wasn't going to leave this time. As if it was only her feelings that mattered. She looked so resolved. So loving, so committed.

Oh how he hated her in that moment. He scowled furiously.

Lavinia anticipating his feelings, sought to quell them by quickly adding,"It's because I love you. I won't let you bully me again, I am strong, and this is what I want. I love you; I will take care of you. You won't send me away again."

Again, what she wants, as if what he wanted didn't matter and didn't factor into the equation.

Matthew was even more enraged with her explanation and retorted more forcefully than perhaps he intended, "And what about I want, what I feel? Does that not matter? I may be a cripple, I may be unable to attend to the most basic intimate needs of my body, but my mind is intact. I know what I want, and I don't want a care taker, I don't want that for you." He ended more softly, realizing his words were unnecessarily harsh for her well meaning intent.

"Matthew, please!" Lavinia pleaded. "I care for you. I want to be with you. I realize this is something you never planned for or intended for us, for me, but I can bear it, I can! These last few months away from you, I've come to realize and to know absolutely, that I want to be with you under any circumstance."

Matthew understood and loved her resolve, but he didn't love her. Not that he'd realized this before this moment. He hadn't really thought about it before now, since she had left.

He didn't want to hurt her anymore than he already had, but he wouldn't be forced into a partnership that he didn't want. Not now. He was resolved. He wouldn't take pity on her wishes, her desires.

How could he allow her to tie herself to someone so in need of a lifetime of demanding, unyielding care, when he wouldn't return her love? It was unfair. She needed to understand that although he had originally released her because he didn't want to commit her to a life of a nursemaid, without a proper husband, without children, now he knew, he didn't love her as he once did. Why should she settle?

The injury if anything had brought that to the surface, that although he admired Lavinia and her qualities very much, they were not of the sort that would sustain a lifelong loving companionship… and that is all that they would have now.

He began to explain, "Lavinia, I do appreciate your sentiments and your commitment to caring for me. If you were to spend your life with me, you would be a nursemaid and caretaker first, on constant call and support to a man who couldn't return even the most basic of care back to you. I cannot accept this from you. I know you feel love for me and you believe that it would be enough, but it wouldn't. I know this for a fact, you must believe me."

"Matthew, it would be enough because I love you." Lavinia responded firmly.

Matthew felt again that he wasn't being properly heard, so he resolved to speak more frankly in an effort to be understood. "If I were to allow you to commit yourself to me in this way, which I can hardly think who I could allow such a commitment, I would surely demand that I was committed to that person at the same level that they were committed to me."

"I am sure I don't understand." Lavinia responded to such an uncertain circle of thought.

"Quite right, I am trying to find the words to convey my feelings, let me begin again; I do appreciate your resolve. But I know that if I was to allow you to commit yourself to me in this manner, I should at least mirror your feelings and commitment and that is the point at which I find I cannot satisfy."

Lavinia again looked confused. Matthew was more direct, "I do not love you enough to allow you to commit your life to me in this way. It is unfair. It wouldn't be right. You are young. You will find someone who can not only give you their whole life and love you without reservation."

Lavinia processed this last clarification and responded slowly, "Oh, I see. Surely this is another way to bully me into leaving you?"

Matthew irritated at the extended clarification and emphasis required to make his point, responded again in a more forceful manner than he intended, "My intent is not to bully, quite the contrary, I wish to make my feeling known in as graceful way as possible. Please know that I speak quite plainly."

Lavinia frowned; feeling quite hurt, but began again, "I said I will not be bullied. I am resolved, I will care for you."

"No! You will not. I am not bullying you. I am speaking plainly. I do not want you here. I cannot make you happy. I will not allow you to care for me. I wish you to leave." Matthew said forcefully and firmly. He did not wish to be harsh, but knew he must be for her to accept his decision.

Lavinia composed herself as his plain words sunk in. "I understand. Please know I only want the best for you and supposed I would be able to provide that for you, but I see now I was misguided. I will leave you now and return to London on the morning train." Tears pooled in her eyes as she quickly made leave.