Hello Castiel. You seem tired.

I am not weary.

Not in body. In spirit, you are. You should pray. It's very simple, like having a conversation over the dinner table. Just bow your head and start talking-

I know how to pray Jimmy Novak.

No, Castiel. You know how to accept a mission. You know how to report success or failure.

I have requested His assistance. I have called for Him, to know His plan, to know His work.

You know, all the crazy things I've seen just by knowing you, I think this is the strangest.

What is that?

That I would have more faith than an angel... Talk to your Father Castiel. Somewhere, He is listening.

How can you believe that, now, after everything you know?

Because...

I do not know who I am anymore. I do not understand my purpose. And I know that is my greatest sin, because I am not meant to question. I am a solider. I follow orders.

I had the greatest faith in You. I was mocked for my blind faith in someone I never met. But I was blessed. I knew You; I felt Your presence. Even now, when I curse your name, I feel You. Why do You deny me?

Have I fallen, Father? You would let me fall? You who brought me back from the brink, molded my essence from the stars and the earth, would let me lose what little soul I can lay claim to? Is this a test? Do You test my faith? Do You test it even now, when I fear there is none left?

Doubt. Anger. Fear. I miss the peace of ignorance. As it is now, I am no better than your humans, yet they are your beloved. Is that what this is? Am I beloved? Why do you allow your beloved to suffer so? The pain, the despair... it is crushing. I... I can understand surrendering to it.

But there is strength. And hope. And love.

In all your creations, humans are the most beautiful. I believe that.

But they are all so angry at You. I am angry at You. I know this does not escape You. But I cannot understand why You – when Your humans would strive to comfort – leave them to their anguish. You leave me to mine.

I am selfish Father, because I need You. I need to hear Your voice in my heart, Your guidance under my wings.

Castiel. Beloved. Fly.

AN:This is just an old draft I found sitting in my WIP folder. I cleaned it up a little and decided I liked the simplicity of it and figured since I was moving it to my complete folder, I might as well post it online.