Welcome to the final chapter of "Pain." I sincerely want to take this opportunity to thank all the readers for your support and comments. They are greatly appreciated and I am humbled by them. Also, a special thanks is extended to my Twitter family for the encouraging words, support and ideas. You've influenced this story in so many ways.

Now, on to the final chapter.

CHAPTER 14:

Cuddy's breath was instantly taken away by House's revelation. Seeing that look in her eyes, House could tell she was stunned by his confession. House leans back against the couch and places his arm lengthwise across the top and Cuddy positions herself against it.

Smiling he says to her, "When I sat near you in that Endocrinology class and saw you arguing with Professor Daniels, I thought to myself not only is this woman beautiful and sexy, but she has a lot of balls. I used to love when you'd get all fired up calling him on his crap. It was a major turn on." Cuddy chuckles at him. "You were far from boring and I knew I had to get to know you better. You know I was never one to turn down a party, so when I found out you were going to be there I knew I really needed to go. I kept looking around for you. After awhile, I thought you weren't going to show and I almost gave up and went home."

"I remember searching for you too, when I heard you were going to be there. Had to push through several drunk guys grabbing my ass, while dodging puke on the floor."

"It was a good party." House says smiling.

"That's when I saw you. You were involved in the shot contest." She says laughing.

"At that point I had racked up three hundred bucks."

"Until I sat down and kicked your ass. Then I believe that number went down to one hundred." She recalls with a grin.

"I was pissed, but impressed. It was love at first shot." Cuddy laughs at his sentiment.

"That's when Cajun Moon started playing and you took my hand and pulled me to the dance floor." She recalls.

"After that I walked you back to your dorm. Listened to your insights about women in the medical field and how you were going to change the perception of patient care and doctors in general for the good of the profession. I thought you were definitely overly ambitious but I admired your determination."

"Was that before or after you said women would never be taken seriously in a leadership position?" She teases.

Smiling and slightly defensive he says," Listen, I didn't disagree with your insight. I thought you were right. I just decided to give you a slight reality check."

Laughing she says, "Yeah and you see how that turned out."

"Maybe not as good as the rest of that night." He recalls with a sly grin.

" Ah, yes. My roommate went home for the weekend. I invited you in. We sat on the bed with you telling me crazy med school stories that made me laugh. Then you got up and turned on the radio. Some blues song came on..."

"Lonnie Johnson...Baby Will You Please Come Home."

Smiling she says, "Yes...and then you charmingly told me that the least I could do was give you a slow dance since I'd practically stolen two hundred dollars from you." She then laughs.

"And we danced."

"Then you kissed me. That's when I knew I wanted you right then and there."

"We started to make out like two binging nymphomaniacs."

"Then..." She sighs. "You were gone the next morning and I never heard from you again."

"I never intended for that to happen. I really did want to see you again. But when I got expelled and left the university, I thought maybe it was a sign for the best. I figured I'd be able to move on and forget about what happened. Truth was...I couldn't stop thinking about you. You never left my mind. I didn't really understand if it was because of regret for the way I left things or something else. When I met Stacy, all those thoughts went away for awhile. But when I came to your hospital and you were my doctor..." He pauses for a minute. "I never thought I'd see you again. It was after Infarction Gate that Stacy and I started having our issues. Coming to the clinic for follow ups with you was my best distraction. At our last appointment, I thought we'd be going our separate ways again. That is...until I got fired from my latest job and suddenly got a phone call from you."

Smiling she says, "I had heard through the administrator grapevine that you were let go for insubordination...again. I knew all about your insane knowledge in med school, your creative thinking and...I also knew you were an ass. But I also felt I could handle you."

"Well, now you have in more ways than one." He quips.

"Unlike those other administrators, I knew what you needed. You needed a playground where your brilliance could be truly tested. Where you could have interesting medical cases, because I remembered from our conversation how much you hated boring. That's when I had the idea to create the department for you. Only catch would be you spreading that knowledge around to other doctors, so that legacy could continue. You were fired from those other hospitals because you were tired of the monotony. You weren't challenged. As a result, you caused chaos to ease that itch. Make things more interesting in your world. Whereas here, I just give you clinic duty when you're being a pain in my ass."

"Don't forget the part where your cleavage and smoking ass made me behave. You don't get too may hot babe administrators wanting to discipline you. I didn't want to get fired and miss out on all the fun."

With a sparkle in her eyes and a joy in her heart, Cuddy knows how special House is to this world. Without him, so many people would leave in body bags. Feeling she needs to tell him this, she has no problem letting him know how important he is.

"House, you have a gift. You are special in more ways than you realize or give yourself credit for. It isn't just about the lives you've saved, but the way you make your patients see another part of themselves for good and for bad. You make them reevaluate their lives, open them up to their fears. Whether you want to believe it or not, even your fellows have grown because you teach them things no book can cover. You give them a better perspective about themselves that capitalizes on their strengths and weaknesses. It's tough love but they come away for the better because of it. You are worth more than you realize."

He rolls his eyes. "Oh God! Do we have to watch Beaches now?"

Cuddy lets out a throaty laugh, "Okay, I'll stop, but it's true."

House's mind begins to process for a moment, as he thinks about how with the good aspects of his job comes the bad. These aspects are painful pills to swallow because he feels that sometimes his intentions are misunderstood or skewed. When this happens, his character he feels comes into question and disturbs him greatly. Looking at House's demeanor, Cuddy can instantly sense through his tense body language that something isn't exactly sitting well with him.

"What are you thinking about?" She queries.

With a heavy sigh he answers, "I keep thinking about how the negative aspects of our working relationship keeping colliding with our personal one. We're never going to make it if it keeps happening. As much as I need you in my life, I can't compromise my job principles just so I don't piss you off. "

"House, we've managed to push past those hiccups so far. There isn't any reason why we can't keep doing that."

"You're right. But how many times am I going to have to apologize to you for decisions I've made behind your back a hundred times before when we weren't in a relationship? The very fact that you're asking me to change eats at me. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to kill my patients either if I know there is another way around it."

"Well, House what do you want me to do? Look the other way and pretend to not care? Caring is part of my job."

"As it should be." He points out. "You shouldn't change what you've been doing. This means that you have to trust me. You have to trust my judgment and not take it personally when I go behind your back. You need to understand that it's because I love you and respect you that I feel the need to protect you from myself. There is a lot more at stake if you lose your job. The hospital needs you and Rachel needs you to provide for her. I've been fired from more jobs than I can count. I can take it. I just don't want to drag you down with me. That's why we need to keep our working identities and not worry about the personal consequences. Things need to be left in the hospital when we walk back out of it."

"Okay. I get it. But do you want to know why I take it personally? Because when I feel you hide things from me, it means you don't trust me. If you don't trust me, then I can't help you and I want to find a way to help you if I can. I am not only the hospital's and patients' advocate. I'm yours too. I understand that you want to protect me, but sometimes I don't want to be protected." She tells him. "I knew when I hired you that your failure to follow protocol was a risk; but it was a risk I was willing to take. I need you to remember that."

"Fair enough." He responds.

"But also remember that frustration sets in when you do something unethical and find a way to get away with it, especially now, because my authority can be called into question by the board and then we're both done. I don't want our relationship to have to end because you challenge my authority in a way that can get us both into serious trouble. You have to be so careful House. I'm not just thinking about you and the hospital. I'm thinking about us too."

Slightly frustrated House says, "So one minute you're saying that my unconventional methods attracted you so much you decided to hire me but now you're asking me to change the way I practice medicine? That's not going to happen, Cuddy. I can't change who I am or what I do just because we're in a relationship. For me that's unethical."

"I'm not asking you to change the way you do things." She tells him.

"Really? Because that's exactly what I'm getting from this conversation."

Cuddy sighs because she knows she isn't being clear on what she wants. She rubs her forehead in frustration because this is the very part of their relationship that mimics the sensation of walking on hot coals. She tries to clarify what she wants him to do for the sake of keeping their relationship from plunging into the dark pits of hell.

"I just...really want you to think about your actions seriously before you decide to roll the dice and take a chance. If what you intend to do is beyond the realm of ethical but necessary...I mean truly necessary, then I want you to do it. I just don't want you to exceed the point of recklessness where everyone is going to lose in some way. I love that you do take chances, because most of the time your instincts are right on target. It's that smaller percentage I'm worried about that can be costly."

House really absorbs Cuddy's words a minute, because asking him not to do something unethical is like asking someone to not breathe. In his mind House knows this is a lot to ask, almost like walking a tightrope trying not to fall. Yet, he knows he has to compromise in some way as does she.

"I can't promise you that I won't do something unethical. But I can promise to keep you out of it if I do something that can get your ass fired. I will find a way for the board to look solely at me and not let my actions be a reflection on you. You're well aware of how I scheme, so I assure you I will have a strategy to save your ass. However, if you decide to conspire with me, you're on your own when it comes to the consequences. I am absolved."

Smiling at him she agrees, "I think that's a fair compromise."

Cuddy leans in and rests her head on House's chest. For a moment they are quietly blissful, but are aware they have so much farther to go to keep their love alive. Shades of the past still form a cloud of grey over their lives and they are left to contemplate whether or not this cloud can be lifted. It is this very thought that causes Cuddy to ponder.

"Do you think we can ever repair the mark our pasts have left on our lives?" She questions.

"No." House says solemnly. "The past is what's shaped us into the screwed up people we are. Like an ugly birthmark we just have to accept that it's there and is part of us. You can't go backwards. You can only keep moving forwards no matter how much things suck."

"Well, since we are partners in misery, I just want you to know that I'm here for you to help you move forward."

"Misery does love company and a good lay." He teases. "Look I know I've been falling on my ass in this relationship when it comes to being there for you and taking care of you. You've done it for me all these years without argument so much so that it's only fair that I somehow return that favor. "

"House, you don't have to do that to make me happy. I don't want you to think about that diary and what was in it. I was being selfish and stupid."

"No, you were being honest. And you were right. You should be taken care of. You've earned it for God's sakes after all the crap life has served you. Just don't get cozy with the idea that I'm going to do it in a Prince Charming sort of way. I mean...yeah I will suck it up and attend dinners and functions that I will loathe because I know they are important to you. But I can't guarantee that I will bite my tongue entirely and not express an opinion. I will however try to not be a total ass if I do for your sake."

With a smirk she says drily. "Thank you. That brings me so much comfort."

"I want to show you the world through my eyes, which means that I'm going to show you how to have fun again. One thing about our days in med school is that you had that spark for wanting to have a good time away from all the serious crap. You knew how to balance that. I think somewhere along the way you lost that, and I want to help you find it again. You are constantly stressed and worried about the hospital, Rachel and me that you've forgotten how to take care of yourself...and where all the good happy hours are. If it means that I have to take you go-carting more or on a motorcycle ride to the beach or bowling...then I'm going to do it and you are going to just have to accept it. If there is one thing I know how to do well in my life, it's have a good time. Just ask Wilson. Now, it's your turn."

Cuddy realizes that House is right, as usual. The last time she had any fun was when House took her to ride go-carts. She hadn't done anything like that since she was a kid. If Wilson and Sam hadn't ruined the experience, she would have indeed enjoyed it more. In her heart, Cuddy recalls one of the other aspects of House's personality that makes him so attractive...his free spirit and boyish heart. It may make him act like an adolescent but those childlike tendencies make her feel young again and take her to happier times in her life that she had long forgotten. Even when he took her on one's of his B and E's at Alice Tanner's House, she felt this secret thrill of the forbidden.

Cuddy recalls, "You know when we broke into Alice Tanner's house I was appalled at first, but I admit that once in the act it was kind of exciting. Almost like a Cloak and Dagger kind of feel. Being in your world like that is an adventure I don't get every day...just as long as we don't get arrested." She chuckles pointing to him. Then she gets serious again for a moment thinking about Rachel. "What about Rachel? We're a package deal, remember?"

"I know. And I know she needs stability...and a guy around to protect her from the perverts out there as she gets older. I speak from experience." He quips. "But I also know there are times when you need an escape. Just some peace to do something you enjoy doing alone. Except masturbate. That's out of the question."

Cuddy laughs.

"When you feel that urge to just be left alone, I will whisk her away. Though I can't promise we won't get into trouble, but I'll keep that a secret."

"Thanks for the warning. Just don't take her to jail with you. I don't want her to start life as young criminal."

Nodding his head he concedes, "I think I can manage that."

"Good to know."

"I just want you to know that I will be here for you. If you need my advice, my ear...if you're worried or concerned about something...I'll try not to be too distant. I'll also try to be more present in those times when you're annoyingly giddy no matter how dumb the reason may be."

"Such a comfort to know you'll be there so willingly." She says flatly, smiling at him.

He jokes, "That's what love is all about." He pauses for a minute before adding, "Just make one promise to me."

'What's that?"

"Stop worrying about me and worry about yourself, because if anything happens to you...I'll be lost."

Softly she agrees, "I promise."

They share a deep, passionate kiss.

Then Cuddy conveys to him, " I think we can get through all of this, House, as long as we continue to be each other's life advocate and be open and honest with what each of us needs."

"If you need me to do stupid trivial things like take the garbage out or make dinner...I will make the effort to be more considerate."

Cuddy lovingly wraps her arms around him and leans her head on his chest. "I'm proud of you and of your determination to find a way to be there."

"Maybe I can start by giving you a massage."

"I would love that." She sits up and House starts massaging her shoulders. Closing her eyes, she absorbs the bliss she's experiencing as House's strong hands pulsate against her aching shoulders. As she welcomes the moment and House's willingness to satisfy her needs she questions, "What if I need you to change Rachel's diaper?"

"Don't think I'm prepared for that kind of need yet. Baby steps."

Cuddy lets out a throaty laugh. Then, she turns around to face him, puts his face in her hands and plunges her tongue into his mouth which he openly accepts.

THE END