Hey.

So, for those of you brave enough to click on this fic with its ridiculous word count and no promise of storyline, I applaud you. What you need to know, however, is that this story is set after the repercussions of my other fic (Changing the Equation), and thus has context. It is by no means a sequel, and can be read perfectly well on its own, but it it may take a little getting used to. If you read the below paragraph, it should not be too difficult to get, but it does have context. Interesting context, should you choose to continue, but context all the same. If you are uninterested, I bid you farewell.

CONTEXT: Set fifteen years after City of Bones (2021). Post Changing the Equation, Alec was left maddened by a demon's venom, and Magnus was left to pick up the pieces. Fifteen years later, Alec is still suffering, but he is usually okay. Usually. But now Alec has found someone who suffers hopelessly - like he once did - and has taken him in. But with a great amount of sacrifice, things could get out of hand very quickly...

Eugene stared blankly into the basement, avoiding the eyes of the other two people who sat beside him, wishing he could disappear. Wishing that he had the courage to let himself disappear. Looking around, hearing their tired voices, he wanted to go. He wanted to take himself away and stop worrying them, but he knew it would not work.

He had made a mistake, that night. The sort you remember for eternity. He knew that one day as he would look into the eyes of a killer, or the momentary glare of the sun, he would remember this.

"Alec, you can't… you can't risk yourself for him. He isn't…" The warlock cut himself off. Eugene knew without looking that the other man's head would be ducked a little, and that Alec's eyes would be wide and upset. Feeling as though he was being strangled, Eugene wished Alec would agree with Magnus. He had a point. He usually did.

"He isn't what?" demanded Alec, he voice wavering. Eugene felt an arm link into his, and he felt Alec's warm flesh. If he listened hard enough, he could hear the blood running through his veins, pumping erratically. Eugene did not hunger for it anymore, but felt ill. He knew it was impossible – it took a lot to make his kind ill – but he could feel his body straining. "Not worth it?"

Eugene snapped his head up, looking at Alec for the first time since they had been ripped apart by Magnus. He was pale, and looked sick too. He was shaking a little, and his eyes looked helpless and determined at the same time. The puncture marks on his neck had been healed, but there was still dried blood there, and Eugene found himself gazing at it like a moron.

"No. No, Alec, I didn't mean-"

"He can't help it. He can't. And he won't…" Alec faltered, before turning to Eugene. "You didn't mean to, did you? You didn't want to hurt me?"

Alec gave him a soft smile, urging him to say something. Something so that Alec could keep looking after him, risking his life for someone as worthless as him.

"Alec… Alec, Magnus is right. It's dangerous. I can't – I can't control it yet. You could get really hurt, and I am not worth that." Eugene squeezed his eyes furiously shut. He felt Alec tense beside him, his grip on Eugene's arm tightening. He could not bring himself to say something so stupid aloud, but what he had wanted to do was tell Alec that nothing was worth him being hurt. That nothing could ever be worth him risking himself.

"Don't say that. You can't, please. Please. Anything but that. No, no, no, no…" Alec kept shaking his head, and Eugene did not know what to do. Magnus shot him a glare before dropping to his knees in front of Alec and holding him, stroking his arms and back and face all at the same time.

Eugene swallowed. It was all his fault.

"Alec… Alec, I am sorry. Sorry for upsetting you. Sorry for hurting you-"

"Oh God, no." Alec straightened, his whole body seeming taught. Eugene had seen Alec get a little worked up before, but usually he was just flustered. Magnus seemed to be wrapping himself around the boy, like a shield to protect Alec against the world. "No. I won't – I won't give up on you. Never."

Magnus was petting Alec, stroking his temple, cupping his cheek so that the two lovers looked into each other's eyes. Eugene looked away as Magnus began to speak.

"Alec… I am not saying that there isn't someone who can look after him. I am just saying that you shouldn't be risking yourself. You don't need this extra stress. Just leave it to someone else-"

"Is that what you thought about me?" asked Alec, suddenly, as though the idea had left him dumbstruck. "That you should have left me to someone else because I was too much trouble? If you could… if you could go back in time, would you tell yourself that I'm not worth it?"

Alec's voice cracked. Eugene could hardly stand seeing him like that, so breakable. He remembered talking to Magnus, about what had happened to Alec, about how he could still fall to pieces. The vampire felt himself clench his eyes shut, wishing that when he opened them again this would all just be a nightmare.

"Alec, please; try to understand. He took… he took a lot. If I hadn't come in, you could have died. He isn't worth that. Not to me." Magnus was embracing Alec, though the gesture seemed more like he was trying to keep Alec calm. It wasn't working. "Alec, nothing is worth more than you. Not to me. Please try to understand."

Tears were spilling down Alec's cheeks, and his body was shuddering with sobs. Eugene could imagine pressing that body against his, like Magnus was. He could imagine trying to wipe away his tears. Sometimes he imagined stupid things like that, just playing with Alec's hair, checking if he was ticklish. Normal, stupid things.

"You don't understand… you don't know how it feels, to be like that. I know… I know. I need to make him okay again, Magnus. I need to… I need to fix him." Alec was falling apart, his body shaking harder, his breaths catching and speeding up. Eugene found himself wondering if this was what a panic attack looked like. "You can't make him leave, Magnus! Please!"

Magnus continued to hold him, pressing a kiss on his shoulder blade. "No, Alec," he said, his voice light and soothing. "No, I would never do that. I won't, I promise. How about you go to sleep, hmm? It's been a bad day."

Alec looked up at Magnus through tears, and Eugene felt his heart sink. He had done that. He had made Alec cry, and that was awful. "I d-didn't mean to… to lose it like this, Magnus. I am fine, I swear. I'm so sorry, I just-"

Magnus kissed him gently on the lips, the warlock's former frustration seemingly washed away. "Don't be sorry, my love. Let's just get you to bed."

Alec nodded weakly, as though he had lost some sort of battle, and went to hold onto Magnus's elbow for support. The warlock clicked his tongue, and scooped Alec up in his arms and carried him up the stairs. Eugene could faintly hear him murmuring things to Alec; nice, kind words from what he could hear. Alec's replies were soft and short, but they mostly sounded like apologies.

"I can… I can leave, if you really want me gone-"

"I'm assuming you know about what happened to Alec." Magnus had come back down from their bedroom looking years older than his immortal body should have allowed, and now he faced Eugene with half hooded eyes and a resolved expression. Eugene grimaced, trying to hide behind some of his shoulder length dark brown hair.

"Everyone knows. He went mad a while back, but he is fine now, right?" Eugene stared at him, and watched something flicker in the warlock's expression. "What's wrong?"

Magnus licked his lips, as if somewhat shy. Eugene found the thought a touch amusing, but contained his laughter as Magnus sat down across from him, leaning in with a serious expression.

"Alec… Alec isn't crazy. A lot of people think he still hasn't got it together yet, and are waiting for him to throw himself out of a burning building, but he hasn't lost it. He… he did, a while ago… he was very unwell, but he is okay now. He just…" Magnus trailed off. Eugene wondered if he was remembering the way Alec had sobbed, his whole body rocking and quivering.

"Do you regret it?" asked Eugene, looking down. "Staying with him all that time, I mean. He doesn't talk about it much, but apparently it took a whole year just to get him into a stable routine. Another four till the Clave would even look at him again. Do you ever regret not leaving him?'

Eugene didn't know what he had expected. A part of him had vaguely thought that Magnus might punch him, but instead he just looked thoughtful.

"Alec told me once that you remind him of himself. I always thought it was mostly just the Shadowhunter deal… you were a Shadowhunter before you Turned, right?" Magnus paused, and Eugene nodded. He could still remember the gentle grip of a Seraph blade, the warmth of a hundred different runes. He wanted it back so badly. "When I heard about your condition, with not being able to drink animal blood, I thought that that must have been it. He saw that everyone else thought you were unrepairable, and he took you in like a broken toy. But that isn't it, is it?"

Eugene glared at the floor. Alec only ever spoke to him in kind, gentle tones. Eugene would lie in his lap sometimes and just listen to his voice, occasionally tuning in to hear him. Magnus didn't speak with the same sweet words his better half did.

"I don't know what Alec sees in me," replied the vampire shortly. It was true. When Alec had picked him up off the street just an hour before dawn, he had thought that he was just another man, come to play with him. Maybe he would pay him in blood, or kiss away his troubles, if just for a little while. When he had seen the beautiful blue eyes of his captor, he realised that he might not mind having this man play with him. He looked more gentle than the others had, and human. And not just human, but a Shadowhunter. He had been able to smell his blood, and he knew that he would do anything for that boy to get just a few drops of the fluid within his angelic veins. When that boy – Alec – had cocked his head, offering his neck, Eugene remembered feeling his animalistic instincts kick in, and he had begun to drain him. He never understood why Alec had granted him free access to his blood, but he always wondered.

"I do," murmured Magnus, softly. "It is the hurt, the resigned pain. All those years ago when Alec was maddened by a demon's venom, he hurt a thousand times worse. He wanted to die so badly, to just fall peacefully away. He tried… he tried to take himself away from me…" Magnus's voice dropped off, and Eugene stared. It was times like this that Eugene knew why he could never love Alec. Magnus shook his head, continuing. "If you had the chance to die, to take away the hopelessness and just forget, wouldn't you? That's what he thought."

He had talked to Alec about that, how he was hopeless… worthless. He remembered the way Alec had frozen, telling him that he couldn't, that it was horrible and he couldn't. Eugene had stopped saying things like that when he realised what his words could do to Alec.

"He's very… Alec, I mean. He's very kind," Eugene said quietly, almost to himself. "If it weren't for him, I would want to die. As it is… but it is harder to think like that when he tells me he cares. You're very lucky, you know."

"What?"

"To have him." Eugene kept his eyes on the ground, trying not to remember the way Alec would stroke his hair and offer him his neck.

Magnus smiled. "And you are lucky I haven't killed you yet."

Eugene looked up, and saw the smile fade into a look of expectation. For an explanation. For something that could possibly justify what he had done. Eugene came up with nothing that could possibly relate as a good explanation, but he knew he had to give the warlock something.

"How much has he told you – about what happened?" he asked quietly. Eugene looked down at his arms. He had a European tan which hadn't completely washed out after his change, and thin, fine bones. Where the fineness of Magnus's features gave him the appearance of a feline, Eugene looked part Faerie.

Magnus paused for a moment, all signs of false cheerfulness falling away. "He told me that you were a Shadowhunter, that you were Turned after an attack on some rogues, and that you were fed tainted human blood after you were captured. Oh, and that you have been feeding off Alec. Anything to add?"

Eugene paused. "I had a life, you know." He smirked, ducking his head. "I had parents, cousins, aunts and uncles, and even a God daughter. People liked me. I was always a little over the top, and maybe a tad ridiculous, but I did what I was told, and they liked me." He smiled fondly, just looking at the roof at the spider webs and dust. Alec had cleaned most of it, but they were still there, crawling into his darkness. "I went out hunting the vampires because they told me to. I didn't want to hurt them; vampires are practically human, but I helped burn their nest, just like the others."

"What had they done?" asked Magnus, with almost a scientific interest.

Eugene ignored him. "A few reacted before the rest. I don't know what they were thinking, sending us out so close to sunset, but a few escaped. I chased one, and he turned back to me and force fed me some blood, and took some of mine. Then he left me unconscious on the pavement and disappeared.

"I woke a day later, and I could feel it, that I was Turning. It was too late to flush it out of my system." Eugene shook his head. "It was the worst feeling in the world, knowing that you are being made into a monster. My parents came to see me later, asking me if I wanted to be Turned, or if I would die a hero. A Shadowhunter with honour. I remember the disappointment on their faces when I told them I would turn into a vampire. I wanted to tell them that I was too just too afraid to let go, but you don't say that sort of thing."

"Did they turn you anyway?"

"Yes," he replied, and Eugene wondered if he wished they hadn't. Perhaps they should have just killed him. Then again, they almost did. "They buried me in a human cemetery. I don't know what I was expecting, but when I woke up with a hunger like nothing else, and no one around, I knew that I was truly dead to anyone who cared. And… and hungry. Very hungry."

Eugene could still remember the tombstone; 'Eugene Cedric Verlac, 1999-2021, Honourable Warrior and Son Stolen Only by Death'.

"Did you kill anyone?" asked Magnus, eyes wide.

"I didn't need to. The man who forced his blood down my throat found me in the cemetery. He said he had been waiting. He promised me blood, and I followed him." Eugene laughed painfully. "He took me back to an old warehouse, and I saw a couple of familiar faces. I finally found out why my team had been sent to kill all of those vampires."

Eugene couldn't stop himself from laughing at the memory, his shock as he had seen the vampires look at him with pure hatred.

"Did they recognise you?"

Eugene's mouth twisted into a dreadful smile. "Oh yes. For a moment I thought they hadn't. Master – the man who changed me – gave me a bottle, and told me to drink. It smelled good, so I did, and…"

"It was drugged," finished Magnus, looking a little uneasy. It wasn't the first time he had heard about whole dens of vampires tainting blood, making it something even more pleasurable, leaving the drinker devoid of senses… leaving them addicted.

"They kept feeding me that blood – 'Life Blood', they called it – without telling me what it was. They never let me go outside, not even at night. I started wondering what was going on. Eventually Master told me that I was living off human blood, and I felt sick. He didn't even tell me that it was laced with drugs. He laughed when I hunched over, dry heaving what he had so wilfully forced down my throat. That night a wild dog came by the warehouse. I tried to drink from it, but it tasted like dirt. Like I couldn't even live on it, just… revolting."

Magnus nodded. "Once you start living on Life Blood, you don't generally go back, do you? Your body gets used to it, and animal blood won't sustain you. That's why you had to hunt that clan in the first place. Ironic, isn't it?"

Eugene shook his head. "After a few weeks, Master treated me a little differently. He wasn't particularly nice to start with… but he turned violent. And eventually, when I was under the haze of the Life Blood, I found out that he knew exactly who I was, and I knew exactly what he wanted me for. What…" Eugene swallowed, looking down out of embarrassment. "What they all wanted me for."

Magnus seemed to flinch. "They… they umm… they…?"

"It… it doesn't matter. They would pass me around, play with me a while until they were bored, and beat me because I was that bloody Shadowhunter who killed their friends, and fed me that awful stuff… until I escaped. I left. I decided that for all the shelter they were giving me, I would rather die than continue to… to be used like that. I went to the nearest Downworlder hangout I knew of and ordered whatever animal blood I could afford. I couldn't stomach any of them. I still can't."

"That's when-"

"That's when the bartender found out what the hell I am and threw me out just before dawn. That's when Alec picked me up. He brought me here, and has been giving me allowances of his blood ever since. But you know that."

Eugene peered up at Magnus, expectantly.

Magnus swallowed. "This evening, when I saw you, Alec was asking you to stop." Magnus paused as they met each other's eyes. "You took too much. I know Alec has that pathetic agreement with you, where he tells you that you have to stop when you think you need to stop, and not when he tells you. I understand that – you need to learn human limits – but you still took too much."

Eugene looked at him, his body stilling. He wondered if Magnus would kick him out, if his words to Alec were just false reassurances. "You really hate me, don't you?"

Magnus was silent for a moment. "No. I don't think I do." Magnus smiled, making an effort, Eugene supposed, to be friendly, before giving him a serious look. "But what you did to Alec just now-"

"I know-"

"No, you don't."

The basement had a look about it that made it appear dirty no matter how many times Alec came down to clean it. Its walls were well kept, the inside maybe only a little damaged. With a bit of work, Alec had made the room liveable. But it would always look dirty. Eugene wondered if he was like that room.

Magnus continued. "You have no idea how wrong what you did to Alec was! You can't. You haven't seen him like… like I have. You think that it is just him renting out his body to you, letting you have his blood, but that is just… as a Shadowhunter, it is filthy. As a Downworlder – anything – what Alec has been doing is disgraceful. He gives you blood because he is determined that he can help you. Even after everyone else gave up, he refused. He thinks there is a way… and don't think that it isn't hurting his reputation either." Magnus's voice went low, and he leaned forward. Eugene dropped his gaze to the ground. He didn't want to hear this. "Nobody cares that Alec lives through almost every day happy and sane. No one cares that these incidents are usually less than seasonal. All that matters to them is that Alec is a 'freak' who still suffers occasional breakdowns. They hear about him falling to pieces at Clave meetings, and they find it endlessly intriguing. And now," Magnus said, his voice soft and dangerous, "they think he is whoring out his blood to some hopeless case. You have no idea what you are doing to him."

Eugene swallowed. As a vampire, it felt like everything was just blood. The taste in the back of his throat, the silent need that possessed him, making him hurt Alec. If he cried, his tears would be the red of Alec's care. He tried his best not to cry.

Magnus leaned in closer. "I don't believe you. Not for a second. Vampires who have lived on Life Blood can hardly even revert to human blood. You get by because Alec is a Shadowhunter, and his blood is of the angel, but asking an addict of Life Blood to revert to animal blood? Never. No one would believe it. I don't." Eugene wondered if he really was sick. It couldn't be possible to feel this bad without being sick. "When I have to come home and see Alec being drained, smiling up at me like it is nothing, I feel like shaking him, telling him that he is an idiot. When I came home tonight, and saw him… saw him whimpering, of all things… I just…" Magnus threw his head back bitterly. "'Eugene… I think you've had enough… Eugene… Eugene, you're hurting me… you should stop… please.'"

Eugene winced, remembering the desperation in Alec's voice. The Shadowhunter never told him to stop. Never. Eugene always pulled away when he thought he had taken enough, and Alec would smile up at him and thank him. He had experimented tonight, seeing how much he could take, how far Alec would let him go. He didn't think Alec would let him get away with that much, and when he had started pleading – finally – Eugene had been too far gone to care.

"I watch Alec throw away his pride for you. I watch him cry over you, talk about how you can get better, and I don't believe it for a second. It should be impossible."

"And here I was thinking that you didn't hate me," Eugene said, his voice cracking a little. "Then why don't you leave me, or throw me out at dawn? Alec wouldn't know the difference-"

"Because I believe in Alec." Magnus's eyes were gazing directly at him, and Eugene met them for the first time in a while. "If he believes in you, that you can get better, that he can help you, I guess it doesn't matter that it is impossible, because I believe in him. And I suppose you do too, seeing as you are still here."

"Why?" asked Eugene softly, his voice dropping. "If Alec's sanity is in question, his reputation falling, his life at risk for… for me, of all things, why do you still believe in him?"

At first Eugene had thought Alec an idiot. His smiling face when he would come down stairs to feed him, the look of horror he had given Eugene when he had offered to 'pay him back'. The way everything was for free. Eugene thought he could deal with that – an idiot was an idiot, however giving – but then he had learned who Alec was, learned that he was kind, that he was delicate, and sweet and caring, and even though that should have made it easier, all it did was make it a thousand times more difficult. To look into the boy's eyes which could express happiness and disappointment, to meet them and know that he could never love him, never lay a finger on him to do anything but inflict pain upon the boy was cruel.

Magnus would understand, he supposed. Magnus knew Alec better than he did, and he would understand. But at the end of the day, the warlock can hold Alec and love him, and thank him for everything he has done, while Eugene can only look at the ground, wishing that Alec would take something from him to make them even. No matter what, for the loss Alec was suffering, they could never truly be even.

"I believe in him," said Magnus, his voice calm and almost wistful, "because there is nothing he cannot do. When we first met, I thought he would never love me. That he would never be 'the one'. I didn't believe it when he told me he loved me, and when he was… 'sick', I didn't believe he could get better. Not like he has. But he proves you wrong. Alec, that is. When you doubt him, when you think 'He couldn't possibly!', he always proves you wrong. After his recovery, after everything he went through and all of the pride he had to fight for, he is willing to give some of it up just to help you. And if he can do that," Magnus said, beginning to stand, "I think I can stand behind him and let him. He will let you hurt him and feed on him. He will let you keep him up nights in a row because he cares and doesn't want to abandon you, but the moment you take advantage of him… the moment you stop appreciating what he does for you, I won't be able to stand it."

Eugene looked at Magnus, the way his face reflected no fault, and no sign that he would ever stop loving Alec.

And he hated him.

He hated that no matter what, Magnus would never give Alec up. That Alec had cried into that man's arms… that at night while Eugene was alone in the dark, Alec would lie with him. He hated that Magnus could do that, that he would always do that. But more than anything, more than however much he hated the fact that Magnus loved Alec… he hated the fact that Alec loved the warlock back.

In a single moment, there were a thousand things Eugene wanted to say as the warlock turned his back and made to walk away to Alec. He wanted to yell at him, cry to him. But in the end he did neither.

"Thank you," he said, just loudly enough to stop the warlock in his tracks. "Thank you for looking after him. I would never be able to live with myself if I killed him. As it is… knowing that I will hurt him as I do, I…"

Magnus just turned to the boy, looking him dead in the eye. "Try harder. Don't thank me. Just try your best to get better. You will hurt Alec if you don't."

Magnus walked away from the boy, leaving him in their basement. Usually Alec would stay down there with Eugene for hours, but the boy could do without him for the night. After everything Alec had done, all of the pain he had inflicted upon Alec, he could sit alone for one night.

As Magnus made his way up the stairs to his and Alec's room, he knew he was being harsh on Eugene. The child did not have anyone. He needed to understand that. Just because Alec had decided to be that 'someone' – the person who devotes themselves to him, through thick and thin – it didn't mean that Eugene was awful. He wasn't. He knew that – he did – but anyone who hurt Alec… it was hard to deal with.

Making his way into his and Alec's room, he plastered a smile onto his face. The sleeping spell he had put on Alec would have worn off by now. Looking at the boy who was sitting up dazedly in their bed, he figured it had worked.

"Magnus!" came Alec's voice, a little sharply. As though he was frightened or surprised. "You are… you're here."

Magnus nodded, climbing into the king sized bed. Alec was playing with his hands again, wringing them out and shaking them. Magnus put a hand over them, forcing them still. Alec smiled shyly up at him.

"You… you were down there with him… Did you… did you talk to him?" asked Alec, his eyes cast downwards.

"Yes, Alec. I talked to him about what he did-"

"You didn't hurt him, did you?"

Magnus stared at Alec as the Shadowhunter bit his lip.

"Sorry. I d-didn't mean to interrupt you. I didn't. I just… I just…" Alec's breathing was picking up the way it did when he was having one of those days. Magnus put his arm around the boy, smiling weakly.

"It's okay, Alec. Of course I didn't hurt him."

"No," Alec breathed, closing his eyes. "No, I knew that. I'm sorry. I knew that. I-I-"

"Hey." Magnus smiled, holding Alec and looking into his scared blue eyes. "It's okay. Eugene is fine. I just told him off is all. You will be fine. He will be fine. It is okay, Alec."

Tears were forming in Alec's eyes, and Magnus could only rest the immortal Shadowhunter in his lap and stroke his hair. A few years ago he might have simply put Alec to sleep the moment he seemed unstable, but he knew that Alec deserved better than that. He could fight, and Magnus wasn't going to demean him by letting him off easy all the time. Alec hated feeling weak.

"I-I-I'm really sorry Magnus. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I… I d-don't know. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for everything." Alec's voice was shaking as he failed to keep its tone monotonous. "I don't even know how you can be bothered with me-"

Magnus pulled Alec's face out of his lap and held it in his hands, looking directly into his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes were red and puffy, his face splotchy and stricken with tears. Alec made to pull away, but Magnus didn't let him.

"I bother with you," whispered Magnus, "because I love you."

There should have been something more romantic to say. Pretty words to befall his mouth simply to delight his lover's ear. But all he could think was 'I love you'.

Alec cried himself to sleep that night, like he had done a thousand times before; like he always did when the memories came back and the panic kicked in. And like every night for the past fifteen years, Magnus refused to let him go.

Looking at Alec asleep with tears running down his cheek, Magnus had to wonder how Eugene even stood a chance against the world if it could be so cruel to a boy like Alec.

Thank you for reading this.

Hopefully some of you have read 'Changing the Equation' (I mentioned something about a Eugene central one-shot, and you guys seemed to sort of want it). This is intended as a one-shot, but if there are actually a few people who would want some more, I could probably have a few more chapters. I have thought about writing a little more - just details like Magnus and Alec's wedding and the sort of things that they had to deal with (ie: fights). But really, I understand that most people really aren't at all interested in this story, especially considering that it has a lot of Eugene (an OC). But I hope you liked it anyway! I have been so nervous about posting something with an OC in it, even though Malec is still prominant.

Review?