Yours To Hold, a hetalia - axis powers fanfic

You will never be able to understand how embarrassing this is for me to have written up this songfic in my spare time. *Looks away, trying to hide the fact she's smiling shyly and blushing* I mean, it's just, uh...let me just admit it. GERITA IS HARD TO PUSH AWAY. You get interested in the couple, you start looking at fan art whilst looking up songs fitting for them, you fantasize about the Germany=HRE theory (optional, and I am not bashing those who don't think it's true), and you read and write the fanfiction. There is no escape.

So I present to you with a new – GerIta – songfic: Yours To Hold! Including the Skillet song of the same name. I listened to it and it seemed fitting. There's slight mentions of the Germany=HRE theory so...don't be annoyed if you don't believe that's true.

Disclaimer: Hetalia doesn't belong to me, neither does the song Yours To Hold (which is property of the group, Skillet).

~MidnightSakuraBlossom

Yours To Hold

Written By: MidnightSakuraBlossom

Song Included: "Yours To Hold" - by Skillet

Rated: T. Because it's kind of ridiculous to rate it anything less in my mind.

Germany leaned against a wall on the fifth floor of the building he usually held World Meetings at. In only one more hour, him and the other nations would be heading to the specified room on this floor to gather and try to solve problems and argue. He knew it would end it disaster, just as it always did. Because no one could ever reach agreements and there was far too much hostility.

Those whom were on good terms chatted and joked around in the corners. Those whom were still holding grudges were battling it out either verbally or physically, and those whom were neutral to everything just sat calmly at tables zoning out or just talking civilly and trying to solve something. Germany tried to be the one to straighten everyone out, it seemed to work.

He certainly did not have to stand here away from everyone else roaming the halls. But he would rather do it regardless. Because...because of him...

Blue eyes clouded with emotion that couldn't be revealed elsewhere shifted and followed a man passing by. A man with copper red hair with an unusual curl on the side, eyes naturally closed, and dressed fashionably for the meeting as always. Germany was sure that he had forgotten to breathe at merely seeing him, before mentally scolding himself for even thinking that. It was getting so old, but still...

When Italy turned his head momentarily while walking, he met Germany's gaze as he must have felt it. He offered a smile, but it was obvious it wasn't entirely natural like it always was.

Each time he saw that kind of smile, Germany's heart would ache. It did not look right on him, it wasn't even him at all. But he couldn't figure out why he would act unlike himself lately.

And he wanted to be able to come closer and ask what was wrong.

Germany could never get close enough.

Because he reeled himself away, trying to deny that he was very concerned.

Denial hurt so much.

I see you standing here

But you're so far away

When in the room trying to get to the meeting, it was unrestrained chaos courtesy of almost everyone. And Germany barely had any idea what was happening with everyone else this time, he sat at the table, purposely drowning out a very graphic and depressing speech Russia was giving with a smile that conflicted it's meaning and trying to meet Italy's eyes again, he just happened to be seated across and purposely avoiding anyone who tried to speak to him, absentmindedly tapping his hands together.

His attitude was not...it didn't seem like himself. But Germany wondered what could be wrong. Something was beckoning him to make a bold mood and corner the strangely-silent Italian: to grab him and ask what was wrong and if there was anything he could do.

But it seemed Italy didn't notice how concerned he was. If he did notice, maybe he...didn't want any?

Starving for your attention

You don't even know my name

You're going through so much

But I know that I, could be the one to hold you

The meeting dragged on and on, Germany barely noting any of it. What mattered to him was, and he was almost stunned to realize it, Italy. Watching him acting so strange reminded him of some times in the past.

In the past, there were times Germany felt so down and hopeless. Like there was, after all that happened, no way he could raise himself from the ground and move on with life. Like nothing could be done to make this right. Any trace of light was fading before his eyes.

And then, he would feel arms encircles his body from behind him. He would almost freeze up, alert and wary of some kind of attack. And then calm when he heard a voice whisper some – probably – soothing Italian comments into his ear, the familiar voice almost cracking in either fear or sadness. Germany would turn his head to meet Italy's eyes – fully open and brimming with tears. But he tried to smile as he assured him they would be okay.

Were they ever okay?

After a moment like that, something was ignited. A spark of hope? Germany that it could very well be that, he wanted to believe Italy was correct just for once; they would be okay. But truthfully, neither Germany or Italy were okay. And absolutely nobody was okay in that time period.

The moon rose in the night sky after this, and sounds of pain and suffering faded. Italy would fall asleep right there against his shoulder, his arms limp as they slowly retreated from his body. Germany never had the chance to respond to this. Since Italy was a heavy sleeper, he took hold of him and lied him against the cold ground, he lied down as well. For a change, he wrapped his arms around his slim frame and let his head rest against his.

If he ever had the chance to respond, Germany was not sure if he would ask have they ever been okay, or if he truly believed they would overcome this rough present situation and do it together. And now that it came back to him, he wondered if he could do it now.

Every single day

I find it hard to say

I could be yours alone

"Ve~ Ve, Germany~" Italy bolted into Germany's bedroom rudely uninvited, basically wearing nothing except a shirt that wasn't even covering much. His cries awoke the other nation immediately and he jumped up to a sitting position staring in shock. "I had another horrible dream! It was so scary, please let me sleep with you tonight! Waaah!"

Having become used to these kind of occurrences, although still not sure what he thought about him having to come all the way here either totally naked or very scantily clad, Germany rubbed his temples and unwittingly gave him permission to join him.

Italy was already in the bed before the words could leave his mouth, snuggling against him and whimpering and shivering as Germany made useless attempts to calm him down.

…

It was nearing midnight by the time Germany arrived home. He had previously been out getting away from Italy for a change, he hadn't known him very long...but the idiot was getting on his nerves too easily. The only way he could get some peace was to tell him he was going shopping for German foods he probably wouldn't care for so there was no use tagging along.

He quietly crept inside and then made his way through to check for any damage the pasta-loving idiot may have left in his trail. And finally, Germany passed through the living room to see him sleeping soundly on his couch. He was lying on his side, his face buried into the back of it, limbs were sprawled out everywhere. But, at least he was still fully clothed, Germany thought to himself in mild approval.

He decided waking him up would be the worst thing to do, so he was about to sneak up to his bedroom and get some sleep himself. Then, Italy happily shouted something about food items in his sleep and rolled onto the other side, his face visible now. Maybe Germany was just that tired, but he could have sworn that he looked so...cute like this. When he wasn't being a pest.

Germany came closer and slowly extended a hand. As if he was approaching a dangerous weapon or object, he let his fingers roam over his soft, lightly tanned skin and his silky hair. That must have felt ticklish to him, because the sleeping Italian had squirmed slightly and then reached for Germany's hand, grasping it with both of his and making it stop.

For a moment, Germany's heart missed a beat. In a good way.

…

You will see someday

That all along the way

A young boy...or girl...or something wearing a cute maid outfit lied in a beautiful field of green grass and blooming flowers. At her side was a young boy, Germany didn't know why he felt a strange connection after seeing him in these flashbacks he occasionally got, the boy had blond hair, blue eyes, and odd black clothing.

The both of them were peacefully silent, looking up at the horizon and obviously not intending for the moment to end any time soon. They were enjoying each others' company. The boy/girl whom looked strikingly like a younger Italy in a dress rolled to it's side and then crept closer to the familiar boy, eventually holding him in a loose and sweet embrace. Their cheeks flushed red at the contact, but neither seemed against this.

In fact, as the picture faded, Germany could see them smile fondly without a care in the world.

I was yours to hold

When these memories – not counting several others – came to mind, a particular pang hit his heart. He didn't like to show emotion to anyone, so Germany went on with life. With a stoic mask that most thought could never shatter and break.

But when alone in the privacy of his room, or some destination he classified as private, a few tears finally fell. And were soon followed by many more. What was this for? Why did Italy have to matter to him anymore? And why...why did his distant attitude make him feel more of that foreign emotion he once thought to have gotten over?

He didn't want Italy to tell him what was wrong. And that's it, problems solved.

Germany wanted Italy to open up to him once again. He wanted to find the nerve to open up to him in return. Maybe, by a slim chance, he could tell him all what he locked up inside away from the world. Reveal the fact he couldn't deny he wasn't over him. Even if he didn't know that the fuck to do when it comes to...that strange, hurtful emotion.

Love.

I see you walking by

Your hair always hiding your face

Italy was supposed to go up onto the platform at the mic and give some kind of speech too. It had obviously slipped his mind because he reacted with mild confusion after Romano nudged his arm and not so quietly and nicely reminded him of it.

Somewhat hesitantly, he arose and walked away uncharacteristically slowly and letting his hair fall and hopefully conceal the pain across his features. He wasn't sure if anyone bought that he was fine, and he could feel all eyes shift to him for once. After the fights between hostile nations ceased and Russia and America stopped very loud hate exchanges.

I wonder why you've been hurting

I wish I had some way to say

The mic was perfectly lined up on the platform and all eyes were on him. Italy never had a problem with attention, in fact, he always had been the one to request it. So this still didn't bother him.

But his gaze fell on Germany, he could see him with ease. Seconds went by, everyone else who didn't understand what was happening looked at the clock on the wall or murmured among themselves why he was silent.

At that moment, Italy held his breath. The way Germany was looking at him, the way he returned his gaze. For the first time in years, Italy could see beneath the stoic expression and take notice of all the emotion his those eyes. His lips that remained a flat line tried to curve hopelessly to form another hollow smile and break that gaze to do this speech he had partly made, although it was his boss's doing more than anything.

No fake smile came.

The mask he wore was shattered beyond belief.

And the heated gaze he shared with Germany was far too much for him to handle. Recently, they have shared so many looks like this filled with emotion and or concern. Maybe longing, he didn't know.

"I..." Italy caught his breath again, he fumbled with his hands, unsure of how to go on, and any memory of the speech was totally gone. "I can't..." The rest of his words were becoming too soft to hear, all of the nations strained their ears to listen but couldn't make out anything.

And just about everyone were somewhat stunned to see that tears were falling freely from the Italian's eyes. He wiped them quickly with the sleeve of his shirt, before hurrying off the platform and bolting out of the room as if he had just gotten threatened to be killed or a fire had broken out.

You're going through so much

Don't you know that I could be the one, to hold you?

Every single day

I find it hard to say, I could be yours alone

While confusion spread around the room like wildfire, Germany had more than enough of this emotional turmoil.

All eyes were locked on him when he cursed and finally arose from his seat. Others asked where he was going or what was going on to cause Italy to leave. But he didn't respond to anything, he didn't care what they thought.

Leaving the room, the only thing Germany announced to the onlookers to the scene was that the meeting was going to be paused momentarily. It would hopefully resume, in a few minutes.

And with that, he left to find Italy.

You will see someday

That all along the way

I was yours to hold

He checked anywhere that Italy could have been, Germany wasn't about to give up in his search. He needed answers, he needed to confess a lot of things, and he wanted this to all stop and get back in order. However it should be, he still hadn't the slightest idea.

Germany froze when he started checking the fourth floor, and could hear crying. For an instant, his heart rate quickened, wondering if he had found whom he was looking for. He wasted no time in quickly making his way down the hall, rounding a corner, and then stopping his tracks.

Italy was in one of the small hallways that led to the restrooms, he was sitting slumped against the wall on the floor. His face was hidden, buried deep in his hands and Germany could see the tears streaming off his skin.

The sight was horrible. Although this was not the first time he caught Italy crying in a situation he would have preferred to not be seen in, this one was just...it was more than enough to trigger his heart to sink. His obvious sorrow was too contagious. But the worst part? He didn't know what was happening.

"Italy..."

Italy paused momentarily, his shoulders stopped trembling and he looked up at Germany. His amber eyes glossy with tears that were still streaming down. And once they shared another gaze, his cheeks flushed even more and he just averted his gaze this time.

I'm stretching but you're just out of reach

You should know

Rather than accepting a soft, quiet and broken plea to leave from Italy, Germany came over and sat down beside him. He did what Italy had done in a situation vaguely similar to this one, although he made alterations. Germany grabbed his trembling shoulders firmly and turned him around, shifting himself as well. They locked eyes for a moment, but it was nowhere near the same intense levels as previous times.

Too many emotions to list had flashed through in such a short matter of seconds.

And then, Germany moved his head closer and rested it against his shoulder, his hands roamed to his waist and held him. Although it was a bit cautious, his embrace was loose, Italy still didn't see it coming and was actually...surprised in a good way. His eyes widened more, and his heart was racing.

I'm ready when you're ready for me

"Germany," Italy tried to go on, but paused for a moment to not sound quite as shaky or hoarse from the train wreck of emotions. He could feel Germany's hands retreat, he quickly reached one of his towards the one that had fully and grasped it desperately. "Germany, you don't have to try and comfort me...really, ve, I'm fi-"

"You're not fine, Italy. I'm not fine." Germany finally raised his head back up and met Italy's eyes, for what felt like the thousandth time that day. But he didn't mind this time, it was actually a nice moment beneath the hurricane of emotions. "Something is going on between us, and it's killing me. Italy, tell me what is going on."

Italy merely glanced at the floor.

And I'm waiting for the right time

For the day I catch your eye

To let you know

That I'm yours to hold

Frustrated, Germany titled Italy's chin up to meet his eyes. "What the hell is going on between us?"

"I-I d-don't kn-...know...G-Germany..." Italy was near tears again, he wanted to just throw himself into his arms, because a part of him was sure Germany would not mind and comfort him. But his fears were still in his head and pulling on the reigns. "Why are you confronting me...?"

"I just..." A deep blush rose to his cheeks. He hadn't anticipated this question at all when leaving to find him minutes ago. Now it was Germany's turn to avert his eyes to the floor. "Well...I want...I want us to..."

Every single day

I find it hard to say

I could be yours alone

The words died on his tongue. And Germany could not find the nerve to say what he really wanted, what was on his mind and what his heart had been trying to get through. So he swapped it out:

"I want us to...be on good terms with each other."

"Good terms?"

"Yes..."

You will see someday

That all along the way

I was yours to hold

The soft glow of the fire was the only light on the island they were stranded on for God knows how long. Japan was elsewhere on it looking for some more food supply, he left Germany and Italy at the campfire to watch and make sure none of the Allies showed up to cause mayhem.

It was almost kind of romantic. Well, excluding the fact it was depressing to note they didn't have much of a choice but to stay on this mysterious island until some form of help arrived. Only the sound of the crackling flames filled the area. Italy sat up beside Germany, a bit restless.

There was something on his mind that he needed to voice. And he did.

"Ve~ Germany?"

"Hm? What is it, Italy?"

"Do you ever consider...leaving me?"

Unprepared for that question, Germany remained silent for a few seconds, before shaking his head. "Of course not, I don't see much valid reason at the moment."

"What if I ever betrayed you?"

"I have a question first: why are you even acting so worried?"

Italy shifted uncomfortably, before looking back at the campfire. He really didn't know how to respond. But it had started to slowly occur to him that Germany probably wouldn't always be around to protect or bail him out of prisons or whatever. And that made him sad. But his worry extended beyond just that; he also silently wondered if could ever figure out how he really felt about him. He would be very sad to get rejected.

At long last, Italy smiled and embraced his ally from the side, raising his head and burying it in Germany's shoulder the best he could. He softly gave his belated answer to that question:

"Ve~ now I'm not so worried."

If only he could have seen Germany blush and almost smile. Almost, because he held that back before it happened. Thank God.

Every single day

I find it hard to say

I could be yours alone

You will see someday

Tears once again streamed in Italy's eyes, he finally gave in and rushed forward into Germany's arms. Germany had nearly fell back from it, but he managed to say upright as the sobbing Italian attacked him in a tight embrace and pleaded with him not to think they weren't on "good terms".

That all along the way

I was yours to hold

Words could not describe how amazing it felt to have him back inside his arms. In an embrace in general. Germany was not able to bring himself to say anything, he doubted that he would get this kind of moment ever again. As much as he desperately wanted it, to be able to be with him again. Hopefully to straighten everything out and tell him what he was dying to...

As he held Italy in his arms, he gradually made a few realizations.

1: They both really needed this. They wanted this. It was too obvious now. After all that had happened between them, they tried to forget the fact they had fallen for each other and separate.

2: They found it impossible to get back together. Neither could say what they wanted to say, fearing that the other was still holding a grudge or was totally against it having moved on.

"Germany...Germany...tried so hard to convince myself I don't need you, but now," Italy managed to say as he buried his face into his chest and cried, Germany didn't want him to talk until he could get himself together, but he still showed rare sympathy reserved only for him and held him close. "After spending so long away and trying to convince myself, I-I'm breaking down. I can't believe I had to do it now..."

"It's okay." I haven't been able to get my mind off of you. I miss you too much, Italy, Germany completed in his head. He just couldn't say it in this moment, still not sure if he was still in reach.

Not caring about anyone else, or the meeting, Germany stayed there with Italy until he could calm and at least somewhat compose himself after getting out so much harbored emotion. He was basically ecstatic to finally have him in his arms again, but the mood didn't last long as he wondered if he could ever tell him how he really felt, or at least be able to do this again as it had been so very long.

But right now, despite not being in reach, the moment was just as it needed to be.

I'm stretching but you're just out of reach

I'm ready when you're ready for me~

The End.

I wrote this late at night yesterday and just barely was able to publish it today. I'm a bit embarrassed because of my – probably unhealthy – love of this couple, and the fact I'm probably FLOODING the fandom with my, ahem, not so famous work that could do much better. *Feels the blush return to her cheeks ten fold and she laughs nervously before hiding her face*

The plot here may have been vague, or maybe not. I don't know, it's however YOU READERS see it as. The plot was actually inspired by a prompt I was given by a friend of mine (it wasn't SYD, but she's still a good friend. She doesn't want me to give out her name because she is paranoid like that): "Germany and Italy are feeling emotional as the time passes, write a songfic describing any past feelings to the present feelings. If you want to include a kiss scene, which I am one-hundred percent okay with, feel totally free to. :D" And I WOULD have included a kiss scene, but I wanted this to be vague and yet get the point across. So, sigh, no relationship-sealing kisses. (FUUUU-)

Skillet is another one of my favorite groups. I strongly INSIST you check them out. They are a Christian rock band, but they're heavy too and the songs can either be compared to God or human relationships because most of their songs (like this one) have ambiguous lyrics. EXAMPLE: in this songfic, it's being used in the form of human relationships.

If you have any comments/criticism let's hear it! Read and review! :D

~MidnightSakuraBlossom