Disclaimer: Me not own les mis or phantom

This is a parody of the movie cast of phantom, whom I love s I'll try not to be too mean. I think Gerard Butler can sing, just not opera, though I like the rock take, and emmy rossum can sing opera, she just chose not to for some reason.

Director: Hello, I am your director, whom you are to refer to as Selene, because I think actors and directors are equal, though I will constantly be proving myself wrong by exercising my power over you, which grows stronger yet.

So the cast list is as follows

Joseph Buquet

Will be played by Grantaire, as he has requested a part where he can still drink.

Grantaire: Hmm, what.

Director: Madame Giry will be played by Fantine, because she has a blond soprano daughter.

Fantine: I'd like to think I got in because I have a good voice.

Director: As would I, as would I.

Firmin will be played by Javert.

Javert: I-

Director Awkwardly, Andre will be played by Jean Valjean.

JVJ: I'm not here.

Javert: Aha, I have found you 24601!

JVJ: AHH (Chase scene ensues)

Director:… anyway

Carlotta will be played by Madame Thénardier.

Mme. T: I have a daughter too, you know. Two, actually.

Director: Not a blonde, and anyway you shouldn't worry about your daughter's part.

Mme. T: I wasn't, I-

Director: Piangi will be played by Thénardier.

T: How much will ya be payin' me?

Director: Handsomely, and speaking of fops, Raoul will be played by Marius, because it makes sense.

Marius: I'm not a fop.

Director: I was talking about Raoul.

Anyway, Meg will be played be

Cosette!

Cosette: What? But I'm the only real soprano here, and who can sing opera. Not to mention Marius and-

Director: Yeah yeah, but we want a brunette, and an alto who can't sing opera. So who better to play Christine than Éponine?

Éponine: Yay! Hooray for Eppie Bopping!

Marius: That's awkward.

Director: Don't worry, it gets worse. Now, we needed a handsome face to play the Phantom, and who better than Enjolras. However, because he threatened to start a revolution, we decided he would play Gustave, in the scene where you see Gustave's picture.

Enjolras: I'll do it for the 25th anniversary though.

Director: Good, because you have no idea how many Eponine/Enjy fan girls are threatening us right now. We at least calmed Éponine's fans.

Now, the phantom will be played by…

Éponine (taking a hint): Hideously awkward, well it can only be for me now. (Horrible realization) wait a minute, please don't be-

Director: Montparnasse.

Marius: Ouch, now that's really awkward.

Éponine: Hey Cosette, still want Christine?

Cosette: No

Monty: This'll be fun, I get to kill Marius, and marry Éponine, ideal plot.

Director: read the script.

Éponine: 'Parnasse, are you sure this is the right role for you? The make-up people have to make you ugly.

Monty: Don't worry, 'Ponine. They showed me the deformity, and we've made sure it's not that bad. Plus they need someone with a big fan base.

Director: Let the Hunger Games Begin!

Éponine: wait, can we choose hunger games instead?

Director: Nope, mwa ha ha ha ha

Eponine: I thought I was your favorite.

Director: You are, remember, I placed you with Marius.

Eponine: The things I do for love.

Marius (singing to Cosette): I did not live until today, how can I live when we are parted?

Marius and Cosette: Tomorrow you'll in another duet. With Eponine, I feel so green.

Monty: Tough break 'Ponine. Well, I'm off to get deformified. Hope you like men in masks.

Poor 'Ponine, and Jean Valjean, I'm so evil, though it sucks for Cosette and Marius too.