A/N: Yeah, I've been gone for a very, very long time ^^; There's somewhat of an explanation at the bottom. My sincerest apologies, dearest readers. *hearts*
There I was, standing silently outside of the room where Francis the lecher and my dear, sweet Matthew (who was probably being tortured) were. And I suddenly felt a surge of awkwardness and nervousness. Four seconds ago, I was all about ready to fling open the door and demand that my brother be let free, and bring down the faithful mallet of Justice! But what if… What if Mattie had gone willingly?
Nah, that'd never happen. Mattie may be 'dating' (we all know that he's being forced!) that creepy Frenchie, but he is related to me, and therefore has my hero genes inside of him! We're twins, so he must be smart enough to get away from that weirdo.
He'd never, ever want to go WILLINGLY with that lame pervert!
Suddenly, I heard voices behind the door. And thankfully, they weren't the sounds of torture or rape. Just talking. So, I decided to do a bit of recon.
Quietly, I crept closer, curious, straining to hear the muffled words through the door. Carefully, I pressed my ear against the smooth wood…
"Ivan? You mean that Russian?" Francis asked. Immediately, my curiosity was piqued. Why were they talking about Ivan?
"Oui, Francis. I really do think he likes him." Wait, Mattie! Who likes who? I was completely confused, so I continued to listen, getting more comfortable and putting my weight on my knees, so that I was kneeling on the floor.
Now don't you go and say anything about a Hero not eavesdropping! When it comes to the enemy, as long as I'm not blackmailing them, nothing is stooping too low. Even though, at this point, I was laying on the floor with my ear up to the little space between the door and the floor. And it's not like I had any ill intent or anything! I was only making sure my brother was safe!
"Oh, Matthieu~ You are far too kind to everyone! That Ivan is such a creep! I believe even your thickheaded brother can see that!"
"But you haven't seen how they act around each other now! It's very easy to tell there are feelings there. And they even kissed, so Alfred told me."
My jaw dropped. How could Mattie, my dearest twin brother, tell all of my dirty secrets as if they were nothing! And he left out the back story, as if I had kissed Ivan out of my own free will! It was all an accident!
"What? They kissed? Oh, how wonderfully horrible! Do tell, mon cher~" Francis encouraged, that evil bastard! And how could my sweet little bro go around blabbing all of this to that dirty lech!
Unconsciously, my face went bright red. I mean, yeesh, it was really embarrassing!
"Oui, they kissed. Alfred had this unbelievably fake story about it being some kind of 'accident', but I doubt that. He's just in denial about his feelings towards Ivan."
Oh. My. God! How could Mattie say that about me! Why would he ever let that thought cross his once innocent and loving mind? WHO WAS THIS EVIL PERSON AND WHAT HAD THEY DONE WITH MY SWEET BROTHER?
"Ohonhonhon~ How entertaining~ That brother of yours is certainly a character~ I wonder what he sees in Ivan? Aren't Russians supposed to be incredibly well endowed?~"
"Oui~ That's probably why~ And the two of them fight a lot. I always knew Alfred would like it rough with some big guy like that."
WHAT WAS I HEARING? My ears were bleeding! My dear, sweet Matthew had been converted into some perverted monster by this evil Frenchman!
Suddenly, though, I was interrupted from their scary conversation by a heavy hand on my back, and I practically jumped a foot in the air. I hadn't heard anybody come up the stairs!
"Alfredka? What are you doing on the floor?" Ivan asked me, confused.
I looked up at him, frowning and still blushing from my brother's evil words. "I-I'm wallowing in self pity…" I mumbled in despair.
"That does not sound good. Why haven't you gone in there?" He pointed to the door, which I had stopped leaning against. Thankfully, he kept his voice low, as not to be heard.
"Because they're talking about me… Let's just go…" I stood up, just ready to get away from Mattie and Francis. If they saw me here with Ivan, they'd really think that I had some weird thing for him! They had it backwards, anyways! It was Ivan who liked me! I would never like him like that! And I certainly would not like to be dominated by some big dude! I blushed at the memory, keeping my head down and walking down the hall to the stairs. Ivan was quickly behind me, grabbing my arm.
"Did something happen? You can tell me! I want to help you!"
"Mattie was saying' some weird stuff about me…" I admitted lamely.
"Like…?" He turned me towards him and gave a worried frown.
"Uh, well, he was sayin' how w-we-" Suddenly, the doorknob turned, and Ivan pulled me towards him, covering my mouth with his hand and running down the stairs. Somehow, he did that silently, which was an amazing feat, if you ask me, for someone as big as he was!
He loped somewhat gracefully into what I saw was a living room, setting me down momentarily (but not moving his hand from my mouth) as he looked for someplace better to hide. Francis and Mattie's voices became less muffled, their footsteps getting closer. Ivan suddenly picked me up again and shoved me through a door, following and shutting us in.
Finally, he moved his hand away from my face.
"D-dude!" I squeaked. "What the hell was that for? I know that Mattie 'n Francis were comin', but, did you need to be so rough!" I hissed.
He looked hurt. "I was only trying to help… I knew you didn't want your brat to know that we were here…"
I sighed, because, well, he did make a good argument… if my brother had seen Ivan and I, he would have assumed all sorts of bad things! Then he'd blab about them to that asshole Frenchman! And I could NOT have any more ideas put into their heads!
"Yeah… I guess you did help, big guy! Thanks… But, uh, where are we?" I realized that we were in a pitch black room.. well, it didn't actually feel like a room… There was no wall behind me, so I turned around and blindly felt forewords, seeing a light up ahead.
"I believe we are in hallway… Oh, see, there is back door! I thought so!" He pushed past me, somehow easily walking over to the light I had seen, which was the back door that he was talking about. I, by some weird twist of fate, tripped over a million things! How weird, right? He must have Commie night vision…
So, I followed him out the door, and we were in a generic backyard. Thankfully, there was no fence, so it was simple enough to get back to the front yard. I almost started back towards my house, when Ivan stopped me.
"Fredka. What about Arthur?"
Oh, yeah. He was still inside! I had forgotten all about him in my embarrassed and PO'd state.
But I heard no screams from inside, so… He'd be fine, right?
Right?
There was no turning back at the point that we had reached. We couldn't just show up at the front door! They'd definitely suspect something, what with Ivan and I being together…
But the Hero couldn't leave one of his sidekicks alone n the house of evil! (Though he did seem pretty content to stay and chat up those French girls…)
"Damn… What should I do, Ivan?" I asked. I mean, I was already in all of this stuff with him, why not just get a second opinion? Even though he was evil… well, not as evil anymore…
He and I couldn't be called enemies anymore, that much I'd admit. But I certainly didn't want to have any extra association with him. Whatever was necessary, that would be it. The bare minimum.
But that didn't mean I would have to hate him and all that. He'd proved himself to be different than all of the other evil Communists that I knew. (Read: None.) Besides the whole him loving me and awkward dream and kiss and stuff, he wasn't all that bad.
THEREISAIDIT.
My other side was practically sobbing with how nice I was being to the Commie.
With the formalities out of that, I waited eagerly for his reply. 'Cause I was fresh out of ideas.
"Hmmm… I think we should just leave. Eyebrows can fend for himself," He replied sweetly, without batting a lash. And I thought Mattie was cold! That was pure evil!
So evil…
"Yeah, whatever. If he needed me, he'd have texted. Let's get home before my mom notices and kills me. Maybe he'll come back with Matt."
And so we went back to the house.
.
I flopped down onto the nice padding and blankets of the floor and let out a content sigh. Remember when you were a kid and you used to love sleeping on the floor? It was like, a special thing. And then you grow up and sleep on the floor and get back pain.
It's strange how things change, eh?
Oh, crap, now I sound like Mattie. All nice and Canadian or something.
Ivan followed me inside and awkwardly sat down next to me, murmuring something and grinning. I think I heard him say something about Artie, but I sure as hell didn't want to know. No one should ever want to know that guy's thoughts…
I poked Ivan's leg experimentally, waiting for a death glare. But he seemed preoccupied.
"What are you thinking about?" I inquired. What?! I was bored, and he was the only other person around.
"I was thinking about how we never 'rescued' Mattvey, as planned."
"Oh."
"And what they were talking about. You seemed very upset." He turned to me, quirking a brow and motioning for me to explain.
I sighed heavily and sat up. Well, what was the point of hiding more things from him? He could only help think of a way to rid Mattie of these ideas anyways! "He was telling Francis that… he thinks you and me are dating, and that I like you…" I mumbled, trying to explain without getting embarrassed. It was pretty hard to do, considering the situation.
"Oh…" He seemed embarrassed, oddly enough. "That is very… uncharacteristic of him."
The silence that permeated the air was think enough to cut with a knife. I groaned internally and nestled myself in the blankets, finally deciding to maybe go to bed.
Ivan seemed to concur and snuggled into the blankets on a different spot of the floor.
.
I felt a slight prodding at my side whilst I was getting my hero sleep, and almost jumped out of my skin. Ivan shushed me before I could scream, though.
"Wh-what the hell, dude?" I moaned, exhausted. it was like still dark out. In fact, when I looked at the cable box, barely five minutes had passed. What the hell!? I had just barely started to doze off, too!
"Alfred?" He asked, a bit suddenly. I turned then to look at him. At least, the the area from where his voice came from. It was pitch black, and I had my glasses off, so all I could see him were his blurry eyes and the slight shine of light on his left cheek.
"The bet will be over soon. You know this, da?" he whispered, a dark form in the midst of the pitch black living room. I heard him shuffle around a bit.
"Uh, yeah, why?"
"I…" he mumbled something and then grabbed me, pulling him flush against his chilled body underneath the covers. Our bare legs touched under the covers, and my hands met with the soft fabric of his shirt. "I want you to keep me warm tonight."
I froze, scared stiff. Wh-what? This would only further his demented beliefs that he and I were like… a couple! Which we totally weren't! You believe me, right?
RIGHT?!
But it was late, and it was part of the bet. No one was here, so… did it really matter that much? I guessed not. It was only easier to do what he said. Maybe if he fell asleep, I could worm my way out of his grip and be free, and just blame it on me being wiggly! Which I'm totally not, you guys. Heros don't wiggle in their sleep!
But it was late, and I was tired, so I dealt with it and jut let it happen. There were so few negatives, and I was too sleepy to really think it through all the way so… yeah, I cuddled the Commie. DON'T JUDGE ME. He was warm anyways, and soft, and it was kinda nice to be held, and…
But I was too tired to really think of anything at all, so I just closed my eyes and yawned, falling asleep.
.
"Alfred? Alfred?!" I awoke to the sound of snickering and barely contained laughter, mixed with the hushed tones of an attempted whisper and-
"You two really aren't a thing, I guess?" Arthur sneered.
No. NO. NO!
I squirmed out of his arms and tried to get away, but he grumbled and hugged me closer and DAMMIT.
"DUDE I SWEAR-"I realized I was yelling and then changed to a heroic hushed whisper, "-I swear we're not, okay? He-he wanted me to because of the bet!" I moaned in horror. Ohmigawd if Arthur starts to spread more rumors I swear UGH.
Like things could not get worse at the moment, for realz ya'll.
"Sure, sure, sure, I believe you…." Arthur said in a sarcastic ass voice.
"Nooooo no I swear to god that he and I are NOT a thing! You-you nooooooooooo!" I whined pathetically in my amazing heroic half whisper of heroicness. I didn't mean pathetically, you guys. I meant heroically and tiredly. Yeah. Not pathetically at all.
He rolled his eyes at me and shook his head, but dropped the matter because I was right of course!
And somehow, Ivan STILL hadn't woken up, not even with all the whining and heroicness going on. He was still just hugging me and sleeping like a baby. A big, scary baby! And now Artie would be completely convinced that he and I war a thing.
Aren't two enemies allowed to be spotted in suspicious situations and have many details of graphic evidence that they may or may not be dating and NOT be dating? The nerve of kids these days, ugh.
Finally, I shoved Ivan really really really hard in the face and he let go for long enough to let me escape! Haha! The hero always wins! Like Captain America!
Now free, I could easily grab Artie and shut his stupid, British mouth! Well, except British things aren't stupid, boys and girls, I love Ben C! But anyways, I grabbed him and shushed him and took him to the awesome kitchen right around the corner. I was thirsty. And I wanted to get away from Ivan! Hopefully my super duper powerful shove didn't wake him!
"So?" He asked, tapping his foot.
"So what?"
"Are you going to come clean and tell me the truth about all of," he waved his hands around an shrugged, "this?"
I crossed my arms and huffed. YOU GUYS. He wasn't believing me! "Well, duh, I told you the truth already! Look, Ivan and I AREN'T dating! He just happens to be moving in and we happened to come across a weird story about us having sex and I've only REALLY had one kind of sort of dream about him but that's not important and like we definitely AREN'T DATING, ya hear?"
He raised a hefty brow and shrugged. "Whatever you say, mate. Now, where am I supposed to sleep? I hope you don't expect me to sleep with you and your boyfriend- I mean friend."
"You can sleep on the couch, okay? If you have such a problem with my friend."
"Okay, I suppose that will be fine for tonight…"
Just then, ivan appeared in the doorway, looking confused, rubbing his eyes sleepily and yawning. "What going on?" He asked in broken English. I guess we woke him up!
"Sorry, Artie just got back and we were talking about sleeping arrangements, dude. Go back to bed!"
"But… why did you leave?" He asked pathetically, pouting a bit. Really? Was he really pouting? I scoffed and rolled my eyes because, I know, I'm so awesome that he's upset that I got out of the bed, but it still was ridiculous that he seemed so upset!
I shushed him and walked to the stove, turning on the kettle for more tea to shut up Artie and some hot chocolate for Ivan and I! Because that would help him sleep and maybe shut him up, too. I always put a little whipped cream and peppermint extract in mine, to make it way tastier! Guys, I was a barista in the making.
The room was weirdly silent as Ivan, half asleep, just kinda stood there and blearily looked around the room, and Artie was annoyed-looking and glaring at him for no reason other than the fact that he didn't like the guy. Whatevs.
The awkwardness continued until the kettle whistled, and I poured three mugs and made each drink a delectable cup of ambrosia fit for the gods! But Artie and Ivan seemed unfazed. Ivan hummed a bit, mumbling something that I didn't care to hear, and Artie took his "cuppa" black, so there wasn't really anything particularly interesting about his reaction. I was tired anyways, I didn't want to deal with them.
.
I woke up in the morning and it had all been a dream! I was in my own bedroom, and there was no sign of Ivan or Artie! Or so I thought. Mattie, Artie, and Ivan were all downstairs at the kitchen, with my mom making delicious bacon and everyone eating cereal and UGH. I didn't want them to be there still! I wanted to go back to bed and make them get out because I was tired of their shit, but that never would happen.
At least it was the weekend, right?
And the bet ended the next day! So, there were positives. Just because Ivan and Artie were all up in my hizzy didn't mean that I had to be boring! Ha! In fact, there were some new games out, so a trip to GameStop up at the mall was totally in the plan for my awesome Hero day of unspoiled awesomeness!
So, I turned to my mom and grinned. "Mommy?"
She rolled her eyes, and smiled. "What do you want, Alfred? You only call me 'mommy' when you want something. No, you can't have extra bacon or four bowls of cereal. We talked about it, and three is too many as is."
"No, I was wondering if I could go up to the mall today!" Though another bowl of cereal would totally be awesome. And more bacon. Bacon is heaven. Have you seen those bacon sundaes? Hells yeah!
She quirked a brow. "You don't need to ask, hun!"
"Thanks mommy!" I hugged her and she made small choking sounds because, well, I got my humor from her! Mattie just got her cooking skills. And we both obviously got her looks!
"May I join you, Alfred?" Ivan asked meekly from across he table, where he had finished his bowl of what appeared to be oatmeal with NOTHING ON IT. Which is a sin, you guys. I only like my oatmeal with sugar, milk, fruit, cinnamon, or something else sweet and delicious! Oatmeal is bland.
I turned and was all like "ew no" but my mom butted in before I could reply. "That's a great idea! You need some things, didn't you say? I know you had to get rid of a lot of stuff to move in here, and a lot more to move here to the states! Here, I have some of the money your sister gave me, so you can get some stuff you need! She said you'd need a new toothbrush…" She trailed off and cleared her throat.
"Ah, da, that is why I asked…" He blushed a bit and bit his lip, taking his bowl to the sink to clean it. I pouted, because I did not want Ivan to come along! This was getting away time, video game time!
And I was totally about to protest but my mom cut me off again. Meanie!
"Ivan needs to get a lot of things, okay? He's been in a hard situation, and you know that!" Her tone was all firm and no-nonsense, and I knew I couldn't argue… It was okay, though, because there was like no time left until the bet was over! So I could just float along, in public, and not have to worry about anything weird and sexual from him!
Right?
"Now, I'll take Artie home, I have some errands to run. But you two can take the bus, alright? You know where your pass is, right Alfred? Do you have one, Ivan?"
I nodded at my mom's question and Ivan nodded as well.
"I have mine upstairs, in my coat. Thank you for asking!" He cheerfully replied, like a smartass.
"Okay! Well, why don't you three get ready!"
Artie nodded. "Yes, thank you so much Ms. Jones, I'll be right down so that we can leave." He pushed past me and went to get his stuff from where he set it in the living room. Well, so much for being a friend… Seemed he was flip-flopping around with how he felt towards me. First, he's all cranky, then he's totally fine again, and then he's all mad again! It was totes not okay, I wanted he and I to be best friends again! Like Kiku and I. But it seemed he had a lot on his mind.
Ivan gave me a really huge, creepy grin and grabbed my arm, pulling me upstairs. "Woah, woah, calm down, bro!"
He rolled his eyes. "Finally, comrade big brows is leaving us. We can have peace, da?" He growled a bit under his breath. Jesus, what the fuck was his problem with Artie?! Didn't they have like knitting club or some other gay thing together? (Not that gay things were bad, guys, don't take that with a negative connotation!)
"Dude, what's your problem with him? I thought you two were buds!"
He scowled. "We were somewhat comrades, but he seems to have issues with you and I having a friendship… very possessive." We were at his room before I realized it and he let me go, pushing me towards my door. "We have lot to do today, go get ready, hm?"
.
Author's Note: So, there really is no excuse for how long it took me to get this chapter up. Life got in the way. (I moved, broke my computer, got a new one only like ~4 months ago, got a ~boyfriend~ *insert sparkling hearts*, and have had lots of family issues.) It's been over a year! I can't believe how awful of an author I've been. :C BUT, my new resolve is to finish the hella out of this story, then finish the others (that I don't have pre-written chapters for), and then take fanfiction one goddamn story at a time! ^^; The funny FrUK oneshot for Germerica will be up within the next few days, I just have to finish the very end and edit it. And the next chapter for this will be posted ASAP. I want to get a bunch of chapters out to make up for my lack or them for so long!
Expect hilarity and the ending of the infamous week in the next chapter, along with a cameo from our favorite obnoxious new couple and some explanations as to why Artie's been so mean to Ivan.
Niji out!
Oh, by the by, I made a facebook page (and soon a tumblr) where I will post updates for what I'm writing, take suggestions, and answer any questions! PLEASE bother the hell out of me, like don't think I won't answer! (Reviews are hard to remember to answer, since they don't get notified right to my phone or desktop! ) It's just facebook(.com)/podsolnechniji
I may throw a few polls out there for what happens!~ ;D