So this came to me at 2:40ish the other morning after getting zero sleep (ugh), and it just wouldn't let me be. It took nine hours to write, if you're curious. Yes, I kept track :)

This one is dedicated to all of my readers who are mothers :)

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.

Castle has been acting so weird lately!

It started sometime during the case with the bomb that went off in Boylan Plaza during the 'Take Over Wall Street' protest. That was also during the case where I'd gotten so into the interrogation that I'd told the suspect that I remembered everything about getting shot in the chest.

(I wonder if Castle heard me say it? Nah. He'd tell me…)

Then there was the case the other day where Naomi Allen, a British citizen was murdered here in the city, and it attracted the attention of her good friend, Detective Inspector Colin Hunt, of the Scotland Yard. Before getting the call to come investigate the case, Lanie had been at my place, talking some sense into me about my love life, or… lack thereof. (I swear that if my life was a TV show, she would be the voice of the fan base) Because Lanie has been my best friend for a decade now, she knows me extremely well and was able to get me to admit that I'm in love with Castle and that I have been for four whole years, but it was a major blow to the gut when she pointed out after I voiced my worry that Castle is pulling away from me because I've waited too long to tell him how I feel, and also that he is slowly but surely moving on because he doesn't want to wait around for me too much longer.

So it was at that point in the conversation (and when I was near the end of the my first glass of wine) that I decided to tell Castle how I felt the next time I saw him, providing that Ryan or Esposito didn't interrupt us. (Again) On the ride over to the Alexandria Motel, where the crime scene was, I started getting cold feet, but Lanie, being the sassy diva of a woman that she is, gave me a pep talk that really bolstered confidence. When we arrived at the motel, I was very close to finding Castle to finally tell him how I felt, but then he showed up in his Ferrari!

(I mean, what the hell?)

Not only that, but he showed up with some blond bimbo named Jacinda and then let her drive off with his car! I was genuinely puzzled by this, and then I became even more worried as the case dragged on because they had four dates in three day, including one where he left the precinct for several hours. (And then he acted like nothing happened) If I didn't know any better, I'd say that he's gone back to his playboy ways, like how he was when first met… minus the annoyingly cute puppy dog crush on me) I honestly don't know what to feel about it.

After solving Naomi's murder, Colin invited me out for a drink before he left to go back home to London, I turned him down at first because I'd wanted to spend some time with Castle, but he told me after what sounded like a fun call on his cell phone with Jacinda that she's the kind of person he needs in his life right now because she's fun and uncomplicated.

My heart broke a little.

(I can be fun and uncomplicated, Rick! You know that, so what are you doing with Jacinda? I can be better for you, I promise! I honestly wish I had enough courage to tell you that I love you and/or apologize to you in person that I'm not good enough for you. I just want you back! I miss when you didn't give me the cold shoulder, I miss your friendliness, I miss when I knew for sure that you were my one-and-done! I knew that you were the guy for me a long time ago, but maybe I should just let you go…)

Just when I'd thought that Castle would agree to go over to the Old Haunt with me to get a drink like we do after closing every case, he just left. (Probably to be with Jacinda) He didn't even say goodbye. He just got into the elevator and left.

I think it was because Castle's behavior hurt me as much as it confused me, I called Colin back and told him that I was available for a drink, after all. I didn't tell him that it was just something I needed to do to distract myself…

But that only lasted for a whole hour-and-a-half because if I'd stuck around for too much longer, I wouldn't have been able to keep my act together anymore because no matter how hard I'd tried to focus on the conversation, my mind kept going back to Castle because of how much I miss him.

I went home and bawled my eyes out after that.

DING DONG!

Curious about who would be calling on me at nine-fifteen on a Friday night (and vaguely wondering why I wasn't out on the town having fun like a regular person), I put down the book I was reading and crossed the room to the front door to open it.

Imagine my surprise when I saw who it was.

"Alexis!" I exclaimed. "What's going on? What are you doing here?"

She was dressed in a very pretty blue dress and had her beautifully long red hair styled and makeup done in a fancy way, all indicators that she'd just come from a party of some kind. The startling thing was that she looked really tired and sad.

"Detective Beckett, I know that we aren't exactly friends or anything, but I just feel really inside our right now and I'm tired. I was thinking of a place where I could relax that isn't the loft, and your place was the closest."

I opened my mouth to say something to that, but Alexis quickly tacked on an extra thought.

"I got your address from dad a long time ago because he made me memorize it just in case—"

"Shh, Alexis, it's okay." I soothed her and stepped to the side to let her enter. "Come on in and stay awhile, take a load off."

She smiled a weary smile and entered slowly.

"Let me take your coat, and you can go sit on the couch." I told her as I shut the door behind her. "Would you like some tea if I put the kettle on?"

"If you have chamomile, that would be great because my body will not be able tolerate any caffeine right now."

She tried to unbutton the buttons on her coat, but only made it about halfway before giving up because she that tired. I sighed softly and helped her by undoing the rest of the buttons and relieving her of her coat and purse while she made her way to the couch to sit down.

I hung Alexis' things up in the front closet and left her to her own devices while I got the tea ready, and while the water was boiling, I pulled out two mugs from one of my cabinets and then pulled out my brand new box of chamomile tea from a nearby drawer before turning back towards the living room to study my house guest.

Alexis was relaxed on the couch now, silver stockinged feet tucked beneath her sky blue party dress, which was fanned out around her like an exotic flower. A pair of ribbon lace-up heels, the same shade as her dress, lay undone on the floor by the end of the couch, and she looked lost in thought as she played with her hair.

She didn't say a word the whole time.

I know that teenage girls have their issues because I was a teenage girl once, but I can just tell that something is really bothering her.

(If only I knew what it was…)

Alexis and I aren't exactly girlfriends (although I am old enough to be her big sister because I was fourteen when she was born), and ever since the hostage situation at the bank, I've come to realize that she isn't exactly my number one fan, but there's still a part of me that's extremely touched that she came to talk to me.

"Thanks for letting me come in, Detective. I really didn't know what else to do." Alexis told me as she accepted a steaming mug of tea from me. "I'm sure that you had plans tonight, huh?"

She inhaled the scent of the tea and sighed happily before taking a drink.

"I actually didn't, and I'm completely off the roll for the rest of the night and all day tomorrow, so I'll all yours for as long as you need."

"I'm glad of that because I really don't want to be alone." She replied, setting her mug down on the coffee table as I took a few sips of my own tea before following suit. "Like I said, I'm really inside out right now."

"Then let's talk about it."

"Okay, Detective Beckett."

"Please call me Kate; you're in my home now." I made a sweeping gesture towards her outfit. "Where did you come from, dressed up like that? A party?"

Alexis nodded. "Yeah, I was at an unsupervised party that Lauren was having at her place because her parents are in Paris right now, doing who knows what. My other friends—Paige, Taylor and Sloan were there, there, too…"

"Did it get out of control? Did football players crash the party?"

"That's two for two…"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Alexis, but you aren't the kind of girl who goes to that kind of party and calls it a good time. You're the kid who turns around and bails if the music is too loud."

She squirmed uncomfortably. "I went tonight, anticipating that things were going to be like that, anyway, because I just wanted to forget things for awhile."

"Do your dad and Martha know where you are right now?"

"I haven't the faintest idea where Gram is or what she's up to, and my dad is probably out with Jacinda somewhere." (It didn't escape me that she said the woman's name with undisguised disdain) "I sent him a text when I left the loft to go to the party and I sent him one the second I left the party and he didn't respond until I got off the elevator on your floor, Kate. That was a twenty-five minute wait just to see one word: 'okay.' What the hell? That's not like him, and even you know that."

Alexis gave a heavy sigh and rubbed her eyes as she tried not to cry.

"I need my dad back, but I don't know what to do. If he's not with you at the precinct, he's with Jacinda until God knows when, and he writes in between that. I feel forgotten about! I have Gram, but she can't give me what I almost crave."

"What would that be?"

"Parental love." She rubbed her eyes again and took a few calming breaths. "Gram is a parent, obviously, and I know she loves me dearly, but it's just no the same."

Unsure of what to do or say, I picked up my mug and had another drink. Alexis' mug now sat on the table, forgotten about.

"Dad is in La-La Land right now and I do have a mom, but we've never been close and she lives on the other side of the country, so a fat load of good that will do me! I've never felt so alone in my life before, and I can't even talk to my friends about because they all come from homes where both of the parents live together and are happily married to each other! My mom took off when I was like, three, so I have no memory of my parents' marriage or if they were even happy together. They probably only got married because they accidentally made me. I probably wasn't even supposed to happen…"

I blinked in shock at Alexis in shock because as long as I've known of her, Castle has been singing her praises about how smart, sweet and loving she is, and yet, here she was on my couch, questioning her own existence at the age of eighteen!

But she's only human…

"Whatever you do, Kate, don't pity me." She warned, bringing me back down to earth. "I've never liked that much."

"Okay, Alexis, I won't pity you." I promised her. "How about I ask you a question instead?"

"Go for it."

"Why do you look so tired? Have you been getting enough sleep lately?"

"I look tired because I stay up sometimes wondering if I did something wrong." she answered bluntly. "Sleep has not been my friend for awhile."

"Sweetie, you shadow my best friend, who is a professional medical examiner! Last time I checked, you really need to be on your feet and alert for that!"

"Doctor Parish has shown some concern and told me that I can talk to her if I'd like to, but I don't know how to talk to her like that because she's my boss."

"That makes perfect sense, but me answer this: when was the last time you got some good sleep?"

I was rewarded with a shrug.

"Then it's settled—after we finish this conversation, you're going upstairs to take a shower, put on some pajamas I set out for you because we're just about the same size, and then you're coming back down to sit at my kitchen table to eat a healthy home cooked meal that I'm going to make for you."

"But—"

"There's no room for arguments on this one." I informed her as I sent a quick text to Castle, apprising him of the situation. "You're feeling unnoticed and neglected, so I'm going to take care of you tonight and you're going to get at least nine hours of uninterrupted sleep in my bed."

"The couch is fine—"

I shook my head and spoke firmly, looking her square in the eye. "You're a guest and you're in some desperate need of more than a little TLC, so I won't have you sleeping on my couch when there's a perfectly good bed upstairs, all right?"

"Okay…"

My friend gave another uncomfortable squirm, and I softened up when I saw her start to blush a little.

"There's something I need to ask you about, and you can't tell another soul, okay? I would totally die if dad knew."

I suddenly felt more like the big sister than ever as I absorbed her words and the weight behind them.

"Alexis Castle, are you pregnant?"

"No, but I did have sex tonight in a one-night stand fashion."

It was her turn to blink in surprise when I didn't respond right away.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Go ahead and judge me, Kate. Go ahead and tell me that I'm a screw-up for having a one-night stand with a boy from school, and while you're at it, you can also give me extra grief because this wasn't my first time to even do it because Ashley was my first! Go ahead and judge me! What are you waiting for?"

It took every ounce of strength I had in me to keep from freaking out because I was remembering back to a strikingly similar conversation I'd had with my mom when I was eighteen and in need of what I was quite sure Alexis was going to ask me for in a second.

"It's not my place to judge you, sweetie. You're eighteen, which technically make you an adult, meaning that choosing to have a one-night stand was entirely your choice as an adult." I told her as calmly as I could. "However, I'm still waiting for a question because you said you had one."

Alexis flushed even brighter and laughed nervously. "Do you have any birth control pills on hand? I don't have any…"

"I have some upstairs in the bathroom and I'll get them out for you in a minute."

"Thank you." She breathed a sigh of relief. "I did the math once because I was curious and figured out that my mom was around the age that I am now when she got pregnant and had me."

I raised an eyebrow at her and set my now empty tea mug on the coffee table again. "You don't know how old Meredith is?"

"No, because when she was around, I was too little to care about that kind of thing and these days, I don't have a single clue because dad and Gram never talk about her unless she's in town, mom lies about her age regularly, and neither IMBD or even Wikipedia have the year of her birth listed! If I had to guess my mom's age, I'd say anywhere from her mid-thirties to maybe forty or forty-one, and that's a pretty wide margin!"

Alexis gave a sad sigh and for a fleeting moment, I had the image of her as a little kid waking up one morning and asking where mama had gone.

"I want a big family one day, Kate, whether it be with my one-and-done or by myself, through in-vitro fertilization and/or adopting, but I don't want to be like my mom and even risk having babies this early in my life, because I'm not ready for anyone to call me 'mommy' just yet."

"What about adoption? My mom was adopted."

She furrowed her brow at this and looked like she was choosing her words carefully. "Then Johanna's birth mother must have been made of steel because I know I'm strong, but not quite that strong. The second I saw my baby and held him or her, I wouldn't be able to give them away to a stranger because I would have fallen in love by then."

"So I take it that abortion is a no-no?"

"It's never been on the table to begin with. I'd never have the guts to do it."

"Alexis, look at me."

She reluctantly pulled her gaze away from where it had fallen to the hem of her dress and looked me square in the eyes.

"Yes?"

"If you ever find yourself pregnant before you're ready to be a mommy or if you find yourself in any scary situation about your body or your feelings or boys, you come find me or Lanie right away, and we'll help you out in any way possible, especially if you need help telling either of your parents or Martha."

The redhead's eyes filled with appreciative tears. "Do you promise?"

"Yes, I do." I leaned over and wiped away her falling tears before too much of her makeup got smudged. "I promise always help you out in that kind of situation and I promise that you are welcome here whenever you need someone to talk to or shoulder to cry on, like tonight."

"Kate, why are you being so nice to me? I don't understand—I'm just your partner's daughter."

I smiled and tapped her on the nose playfully, feeling relieved when she laughed a little. "Because you are the smartest, nicest, most mature and prettiest eighteen-year-old I've ever met and after everything you've shared with me tonight, I really want to get to know you better. Do you know why?"

She shook her head. "Tell me."

"Because by the time I was your age, I was on the verge of my wild phase and already had my tattoo and motorcycle, but more importantly, I was close with my dad but way closer with my mom."

"And then she died a year later…"

"Actually, she died less than two months after my birthday," I clarified sadly. "And my dad started the drinking that night. I don't know what's going on with your dad right now and I'm sure that it helps that I'm way closer in age to you than Martha is, I don't ever want you to feel as alone as I actually was when I was your age because you've got me now. Is that all right?"

Alexis gave me a grin that was all her father's, but it faltered quickly.

"I went to that party because I decided to act like a teenage girl for once, and I'm feeling pretty burned out with life right now. Can you believe that?"

"I don't even know, to tell you the truth, but why are you feeling burned out? You're only eighteen!"

"Being perfect isn't all that it's cracked up to be, and I started to realize that when I was with Ashley, but it didn't really hit me until I got my rejection letter from Stanford. Now I can feel it taking a toll on me, so when I heard about this party and decided to go, I saw it as a chance to finally rebel, but I think that it was just too much…"

Deciding that this topic had been dragged out long enough, I got to my feet and held my hands out to her.

"Come on, Alexis—up you get. We're going to get you ready for the night, so that means that I have to show you upstairs. Even your dad hasn't been up there before."

She let me pull her up and I caught her pretty quickly when she got wobbly and almost fell over straight away because her feet had fallen asleep while we had talked. Once she regained her balance, I encouraged her to walk it off so she could get the feeling back in her feet a little quicker, but she stopped in front of the stairs and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Kate?"

I turned to face her. "Yes?"

"Thank you for everything you've done for me tonight, starting with even opening the door. I appreciate it very much."

She threw her arms around me in a warm hug, similar to the kind Martha is fond of giving me, and I didn't hesitate to return it.

"Thank you for all of it!"

All kinds of affection bloomed inside my chest upon hearing the teenager's words and I pulled her a little closer so I could plant a sort of motherly kiss on the crown of her head.

(I didn't question how Alexis had gone from an acquaintance to something like the daughter I never had in an hour and I wasn't about to because I liked our newly established bond a lot, and I just couldn't believe how lucky I was that Alexis had trusted me enough to tell me about some of the biggest secrets she's probably had in her entire life. I felt even more blessed to know that she trusted me enough to show me all of her true colors because by the looks of it, not too many people know that side of her at all...)

"You're very welcome, Alexis."

One month later

Today is Mother's Day and because Martha was already out for the day with Chet's kids, Boomer and Lottie, Alexis decided to stop by with a bouquet of lilacs because she had found out from dad that those had been mom's favorite flowers. My dad had been at my apartment when Alexis rang my doorbell, and when he saw her lilacs and Alexis noted that dad and I had our own bouquets, dad invited Alexis to come with us to the cemetery to lay the flowers down while I introduced my young friend to mom. Alexis was so touched that she was at an actual loss for words.

(I was just touched that she wanted to come because as it stands, things have come to a complete standstill with Castle, and now he and I are just two people work together)

Dad parted ways with us after that was done to go for a walk in Central Park as he always does on Mother's Day because many important family moments with him and mom happened there, including their first meeting, dad's marriage proposal, their wedding and mom telling him that I was on the way. He just needed to be alone.

As we watched him go, Alexis informed me that she was treating me to lunch and that she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

That's how we ended up at a very cute Italian restaurant in Time's Square, placing orders for what looked like really great food.

"Lex, are you okay?" I asked as the waitress took our menus and headed back to the kitchen. "You've been jumpy since we left the cemetery."

"Actually, to tell you the truth, Kate, I've never been happier than how I am right now, and I have something for you."

I watched her as she pulled a white envelope decorated with a bluebird pattern on it from her purse and hold it out to me.

"This is incredibly sweet of you, but I know what holiday it is today, and I'm not your mom."

"Mine is probably off in some unbearably warm tropic destination shooting something for her next film. She hasn't liked Mother's Day for as long as I can remember."

"I'm sorry about that."

Alexis gave a shrug and forced the envelope into my hands. "It really doesn't matter anymore, but what does is whether or not you open that envelope soon because I'm giving you fifteen seconds until I do it for you."

I laughed at this and proceeded to do as I was told but gasped when I pulled out the card inside to see the front cover decoration: a beautiful color photograph of a mother and her young daughter (maybe three or four years old, at the most) dressed in matching purple ball gowns and heading down a forest path hand-in-hand with their backs to the camera because they were so focused on the task at hand.

When I started reading what Alexis had written on the inside of the card, I had to do everything I could not to cry because I didn't to accidentally smudge the ink.

'Dearest Kate,

Happy first Mother's Day, and thank you again so much for taking care of me like I was your own when I showed up on your doorstep last month, feeling very lost and inside out. Words are never going to be able to say how munch it meant to me that night and how much it means to me today when I realized and accepted that I have someone in my life who actually cares about me in that extra-special motherly way.

Knowing you, you're probably going to have said something like 'I don't have kids,' or 'I'm not a mother, so I can't celebrate Mother's Day,' but that's not true because you have me, and guess what?

In the past month, I've come to realize that you're the closest that I've ever had to a mom who actually wants to be with me, who supports me and who loves me. I love that very much and I hope that you do, as well.

Lots of love,

Alexis Grace Castle

P.S. When I have a baby girl one day, I'm naming her after you. No room for arguments.'