Draco Malfoy's List of Things to Do to Get Granger's Knickers in a Knot

Caution: These antics were done whilst sharing the same common room and dormitory with aforementioned mudblood due to co-Head student status, thus achieving the desired effects. If chosen to be done without meeting similar conditions, results may vary.

And also, contrary to what Zabini thinks, I do not fancy Granger. I do this because I like seeing her frazzled and annoyed, not because I want her attention. Stupid Blaise.

Now, on with the list.

Dye her hair blonde while she's asleep and tell her the next day that you're flattered she's your fan.

"Wow, Granger. I always knew you harbored a secret desire for me. I just didn't know you'd go this far. I'm flattered, really."

"What the hell are you talking about, Malfoy?"

I smirked. "My theory was right after all, you don't look in the mirror before presenting yourself to others."

"What…what the hell are you…"

I follow her to the bathroom and wait for the show to start…

"OH MY GOD, MALFOY! YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE! YOU BIG―"

"Funny, Granger, that's exactly what Pansy told me yesterday as I shagged her in the broom closet. Only she said 'Draco' instead of…wait, Granger. You don't want to get in trouble, do you? Stop right there! You have no right to point your wand at me! Wait, what spell is that? AGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Even though I ended up in the infirmary because of my head increasing in size at an alarming rate, it was still, for all intents and purposes, worth it. Oh and I asked her what was supposed to come after 'you big' she said 'prat'. Yeah, right.