Disclaimer:...huh...well due to recent turn of events, I'm going to need a new saying for my disclaimer, but until i think of one you should know that I (unfortunately) do not own Supernatural.

"I don't know. I mean we can't just leave him!" Sam tried to reason.

The two hunters walked briskly out of the hospital towards the parking lot.

"Well we can't bring him with us! " Dean snapped. "Everything on the planet's out for us ok? Word gets out? We can't protect him-not really. This is safer. Every demon who knows about Cas is dead."

'Not everyone' Sam thought to himself.

He sighed in frustration, running an anxious hand through his hair. He didn't know what his problem was. He should be happy right? Lucifer was no longer making him miserable. There was no devil beating on the inner walls of his brain singing old show tunes in an off key.

He was free.

Than why did he feel just the opposite?

'It must be Cas,' he tried to reason with himself.

That had to be it. he felt bad that the angel had switched places with him-and he knew exactly what he must be going through because of it...but at the same time, it seemed like that wasn't the real reason that he didn't feel as great as he should.

So why did he?

'I think you know why Sammy.' his inner mind chuckled at him.

Great. Now even his thought process sounded like Lucifer. But the annoying thought did have a point.

He had an idea of why he didn't feel liberated from the evil that had plagued his every waking thought for months now. Of why he now had this empty feeling inside- like there was too much space for just him in there. He even knew why he felt lonely-but he refused to say it, even as the words bounced around his mind in a taunting whisper reminiscent of a certain fallen angel's voice.

"...need you to focus Sammy."

Sam snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of dean's voice. He looked at his brother apologetically.

"Sorry-just got a lot on my mind."

Dean huffed as he unlocked the door to their car of the week.

"Just get in. We're gonna be driving for a while, so you probably want to finally get some sleep now while you can.

"Right."

Sam quickly got into the passenger seat. After snapping on his seatbelt he leaned against the door, head pressed against the window. Sleep. He could finally get some rest without worrying about his psyche turning on him. He should be relieved that he could finally rest- that Lucifer was gone.

Right?

'I mean' Sam reasoned with his self. 'I've had him with me for so long that now that he's gone of course it just feels a little weird.'

There was nothing more to it.

…Right?

...

"I don't know. I mean we can't just leave him!"

"Well we can't bring him with us! "Dean snapped out.

Of course he didn't want to leave Cas behind-but he'd be safer there, and he knew that he had to get him and Sam somewhere safe first.

Dean's head was reeling. He couldn't believe the way his day had been going. finding out that Cas was the 'healer' had been a bit to take in. But once he'd gotten over the initial shock, all Dean could feel was...happy.

While a bit pissed off that he'd gotten married (no memory or not, the angel had some explaining to do on that one.) Dean was overjoyed to know that the angel-his angel-was back. That Castiel had come back to him.

Which is why it had hurt even more this time when he'd once again lost him. After finally getting him back, Dean had had to let him go.

Again.

He'd let him take on Lucifer, sacrificing his sanity in the process. Granted he didn't know that Cas was going to take Lucifer from Sam-didn't even know he could do that. Would it have still gone down like that if he had known what Castiel was going to do? Would he have let him take Sam's place in that crazy bin?

Dean glanced at Sam as they closed in on the car. He looked a little out of it, so Dean quickly brought him back down to earth.

'What right did he have to space out like that?' Dean thought angrily.

Castiel had given up his mind to save Sam, and yet here he was day dreaming like he didn't have a care in the world.

"Just get in. We're gonna be driving for a while, so you probably want to finally get some sleep while you can."

Dean said this a little harsher than he needed to, the venom leaking into his words like poison. Sam didn't notice though, and just got in the car preparing to take a nap. Dean got in, foregoing his seatbelt and quickly peeled out of the parking lot towards the open road. After a few minutes of driving, he noticed that he had a death grip on the steering wheel and tried to loosen his hold. The hum of the road calmed him down a little, his rational coming back, bit by bit.

He started to feel guilty. It wasn't necessarily Sam's fault. Sam had no way of knowing what Cas was going to do-neither of them had any way of knowing. Dean wasn't exactly optimistic, but he could damn sure be persistent. There had to be someone out there who could help them-help Cas. He'd find them, and once Cas was fixed they could all go back to the way things were. Right?

Right?

...

Sam shifted, trying to get more comfortable. He finally settled and tried to find a way to cope with the empty feeling in him that wouldn't go away. He let out a small puff of air.

He would get through this, he decided.

He'd push aside his emotions, and ignore the fact that his mind was screaming at him that he wasn't whole anymore. He would try his best-for dean.

He'd try to stay sane, starting with a little shut eye.

Though as he finally felt the much missed heaviness of sleep take over, he couldn't help the last thought that slipped through his newly-constructed emotional barriers.

'I miss him already.'

...

Dean tapped lightly at the steering wheel with his fingers. To his right Sam shifted a little- finding a more comfortable position, dean supposed. He stared ahead and willed himself to keep his eyes off the rearview mirror-which still had the hospital in its reflection- for more than five seconds.

One...Two...Three...Fou-damn it.

He sighed in frustration.

He couldn't help it. He wanted his angel.

To have him brought back to him but then to seemingly lose him again in just a matter of hours was almost too much. But he would get through this, he decided. He'd push aside his emotions and ignore the part of him that was screaming at him to turn around and find some poor sucker to take Cas's place as the bearer of Lucifer. He would try his best-for Sam. He would find a way to save Cas, but first he would make sure his little brother was okay.

Though as the hospital finally disappeared from his view-before giving himself over to the calm of the road-he couldn't help the last thought that slipped through the emotional barriers that he'd so carefully constructed.

'I miss him already.'

A.N:Review?