The Star-Crossed Glitch

XXI. Step one, step two

Sheldon reached Howard's door with a tightly wrapped and bound stack of comic books in his left arm. He considered leaving the package with a note. That seemed acceptable. He fished out a pen and a notepad out of his messenger bag, scribbled quick apology note, and tucked it under the string. Setting the package on the doormat, he rang the bell and fled, hiding behind a tree in the lawn and peering out.

Howard opened the door and looked around. "WHO IS IT!" Came Mrs. Wolowitz' rough voice.

"NO ONE MA!" He screamed back, and he was about to reenter the house when he spotted the package. He picked it up and read the note. He gnashed his teeth with a savage roar and flung the comic books out of the porch and on the lawn, before slamming the door behind him.

Fretfully, Sheldon opened the package and examined the comic books for damage. Relieved that the packaging saved even the delicate corners, he cradled the comics and braced himself. Just as he brought up a hand to knock, he turned around and walked all the way back to the sidewalk. He took a deep breath and stalked back to the door, only to turn around at the last minute. It went on for several times, until finally, he knocked before he had time to turn around.

Knock, knock, knock, "Howard."
Knock, knock, knock, "Howard."
Knock, knock, knock, "Howard."

His Vulcan hearing registered footsteps that stopped at the other side of the door. There were a few seconds of shuffling, then the door opened. Howard scowled up at him and barked: "What do you want?!"

He gestured at the pile in arms. "Howard, these are mint condition rare issues, I don't think one needs to have a PhD to know proper treatment—"

"Shut up!"

He blinked. "Well… I'm fairly sure your mother didn't teach you that as proper behavior in the face of an apology."

"An apology?" Howard grabbed the note on the comic books and read: "Howard, My bad. Here, have some comic books." He widened his eyes threateningly.

Sheldon gulped. "As you know, sentimental words aren't my forte, which is why I have the comic books to convey my regret."

"I don't want your stupid comic books."

He held the comics close to his chest. "Okay, okay. What do you want then? You want to temporarily have the rights to my spot—"

"NO, SHELDON!" Howard roared, throwing his head back and flailing his arms.

"Then, what?"

The smaller man slumped, his apparent size diminished even further. "You can't help me. Bernadette already said no."

"The wedding," Sheldon said. "You want the wedding to continue as planned."

"It's not even that," Howard sighed. "If only she didn't give up so easily. If only she gave us a fair chance. Even if she wanted the wedding on hold again, as long as she'd stay with me."

"So… Bernadette…" Sheldon nodded thoughtfully. He spun on his feet and started to leave, but Howard yelled after him.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I, uh…"

"You're here to say sorry, but you haven't given me an actual apology."

"But the note…"

"Sucked," Howard stated plainly.

"Fine." Sheldon puffed out a breath. "I'm sorry if your wedding was ruined because Raj heard you interrogating me and threw a hissy fit." Howard rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry Bernadette dumped you because Amy almost dumped Raj." Howard shook his head, and Sheldon feared he might leave and grabbed his sleeve. "Wait." He visualized Amy's face… she wouldn't approve of this roundabout business either. He had to be honest. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I let things get out of hand and that our social group is now fragmented. I'm sorry that I flouted the so-called 'Bro Code' and developed feelings for a woman pairbonded to a friend. I'm sorry that even now, I can't deny those feelings nor give up on her. You are all my friends and irreplaceable parts of our social circle. But I wish for Amy to take that place beside me. I don't expect you to understand. And I'm sorry."

Howard closed his eyes, muttering unintelligibly, then looked straight at Sheldon. "You know what the crazy part is? I get it."

"What's it?"

"Why you did it. The truth is, if Bernadette had agreed to go through with marrying me, then I wouldn't care about this entire mess, I would've gone through with it and worried about everything else later. So… I never thought I'd ever say this, but I do understand you."

"She said… she wanted…" Sheldon forced his voice past the lump in his throat. "She has a kind and gentle heart. She hopes that the relationships in our group could be mended. For this reason, she said that we can't be together. I…" He squared his shoulders. "If I could fix everything, then one day, maybe, I can see her again, can't I?"

"Wow, Sheldon." Howard chuckled wryly. "I should be angry for Raj, but this is too incredible. Who would have known, the dating site was right." Sheldon managed a one-sided grin. He started to leave again, and Howard stopped him again. "Hey!"

"What is it now?"

Howard crooked a finger. "The comic books." Sheldon pursed his lips and reluctantly handed them over. "Don't think this means you're off the hook." Sheldon opened his mouth to object, but held his tongue when Howard glared. "But it's a start. And I still expect to have rights to your spot."

Sheldon couldn't hold back a gasp. "But earlier, you said—"

"Are you sorry, or are you not sorry?" Howard demanded.

Sheldon stared at his feet. "I'm sorry." He walked away, muttering: "Buck up, Cooper, the next one is even tougher."

"HOW DARE YOU COME HERE, SHELDON COOPER!"

Texan training with his father and older brother kicked in, and Sheldon ducked out of the way of a flying footstool, an airborne pair of high-heeled shoes, and a hardbound book on bacterial diseases. Now barefoot, Bernadette stomped out of her apartment and he instinctively backed away; if he hadn't been her target, he would've been amazed at how she seemed to double in height. He was honestly scared that she would morph into an angry shade of green.

"Bernadette, if you must express your anger through physical force, I entreat you to hit my left side since my dominant right side is far too precious—OW!" He nursed his right arm, shocked by her strength. She raised her fist again and he shrank back, wincing. "Sorry, sorry, sorry!"

She punched her fist into her open palm. "And what exactly are you sorry for?"

"I ruined everything. Not directly and not intentionally, but nonetheless, the chaotic state of our social group is my fault. I'm sorry."

She relaxed her hands at her sides and he breathed a sigh of relief. "So you came here to apologize?"

"Yes, but that's not all…" He clasped his hands behind his back and drew himself to his full height. "Bernadette, I think it would be in everyone's best interests if you talk to Howard with the intent of resuming your relationship to restore the harmony in our group."

"What?!" She bared her teeth and huffed in outrage, raising her fist again. "How dare you?! You think you have any right to say what's good for other people?!" He cringed but stood firm. She exhaled loudly and returned to a non-threatening stance. "After what happened, you think that would solve everything?"

"No," he admitted. "But it would make both of you considerably happier and it's the first logical step to take, if we wish to keep our merry band together."

"You think it would make us happier?" she echoed. "Why?"

He uttered a long suffering exclamation. "Must I continue to spell out the obvious for everyone? Bernadette, correct me if I'm wrong, but looking at Howard makes you feel both strong and weak. It's exciting and terrifying and you want to be the person by his side. Even if everything around you changes, as long as he's there, the only constant thing in the universe, it would be okay. It's like… with my spot. A safe resting place."

She gaped at him. "How do you know that?"

"Because… I know how that feels."

She snorted. "Because of your spot."

"No, because of someone," he clarified.

"But what if everything does change?" she squeaked. "Will that person still be there?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. But it makes even less sense to push them into leaving when you should be doing whatever you can to make them stay."

"Sheldon Cooper…" she adjusted her glasses and narrowed her eyes at him. "I've never seen you like this before."

"Would you at least consider my suggestion?" He started down the hall and Bernadette yelled after him.

"WAIT!"

He glanced back. She was wringing her hands.

"Sheldon, you really… Amy, you really have feelings for her, right?"

"That's a bit of an understatement, but yes."

She almost looked as if she was trying to tear her hands off her wrists, then she stopped and tightly clasped the hem of her cardigan. "You know, they broke up. Raj and Amy."

"Huh?" he murmured, suddenly unable to speak properly.

"Raj and Amy broke up. I saw it on Facebook, and both Penny and Amy sent me text messages about it." Her eyes darted around guiltily. "Which, I haven't replied to. Anyway…" she gave him a small smile. "Amy's free to be with whoever she wants to be. But I still think you should talk to Raj, man-to-man."

He smiled back, feeling the constant weight on his shoulders disappear. "Thank you for telling me." He proceeded down the hallway with a spring in his step.

"Have you noticed that slightly handsome, slightly weird-looking man following us?" the woman with short black hair asked the rest of the group. The women looked over their shoulders at him and started tittering. At the edge of their group, Amy shuffled with her head bowed.

"Who could he be?"

Sheldon tried to walk nonchalantly, glancing around as if he belonged in the halls of UCLA, and keeping a manageable distance between himself and the group from Amy's lab. The woman beside Amy giggled especially loud. Finally, she looked up and followed the other women's gawking. She started and whipped her head round back. The group entered the cafeteria.

Walking as slowly as he could, he waited until the women had filled their trays and settled into a table. Amy straggled behind them. There was only one seat at a corner left, so Sheldon took a seat diagonally across the aisle, in the next table, out of the seat's line-of-sight and unpacked his lunch.

Raj hadn't reported at Caltech that day. The auto-response in his email stated that he would be in London on family business for the rest of the week. Sheldon had nearly deflated, but he had forced himself to keep his spirits up. There would be time to talk to Raj. For now, he was really missing Amy, and thought he would see her at lunch, even if she wouldn't see him.

He heard footsteps behind him and watched her take the seat, pointedly looking away from him. She arranged and rearranged the items on her tray as her companions chatted and still stole glances at him. Eventually, she stood up and approached him. "Sheldon, what are you doing here?"

He deliberately chewed his burger, hoping she'd relax her stance, but her arms remained crossed over her chest. "Umm… eating lunch?"

"Sheldon…" she gazed down at him sadly. "We can't see each other anymore, you know that."

"We aren't," he pointed out. "I see you, and yet you don't see me. That's why I sat here." He gestured at the distance and angle between their respective seats.

She started to say something, closed her mouth, and frowned. After a few minutes, she raised an eyebrow. "Are you… sassing me?"

"No…" he also frowned. "I… don't think so?"

"Dr. Fowler!" The women now gathered around her, all with identical grins. The short-haired lady balanced her tray in one hand and dumped Amy's tray with the other. Amy struggled to keep her tray upright. "We decided to have lunch in the laboratory. But you know, the lounge is cramped so don't bother to come." She winked and they headed for the exit.

"Even Dr. Fowler gets a cute guy, this is so unfair!" someone whined.

"Oh, hush! Maybe if she gets another boyfriend, she won't be such a slave-driver mad scientist."

Sheldon saw the pink hue of her cheeks deepen, and she was about to return to her table only to see it now occupied by a different group of people. The lunch rush had started and the cafeteria was full. He looked at her, to the seat before him, and back at her. She slouched into the seat, murmuring: "If you don't mind."

He rapidly shook his head. "No, not at all." She stared at him for a few moments before bursting into laughter. He was about to ask her why, then he realized that his face was split in an ear-to-ear smile. His face fell when she sobered up.

He tried hard not to sulk. "Do you want me to go?"

"You know I don't," she said softly. "But…"

"You had no choice but to sit in one table with me because everywhere else is full," Sheldon rationalized. "The fact that I missed you and wanted to see you is incidental."

She seemed like she wanted to say something, but then chose to begin eating her lunch. He picked up his burger. No more words were spoken while they finished their meals. He didn't think there was anyone else he could spend time with who wouldn't feel the need to make him speak and fill the silence with empty words.

Amy was drinking the last of her bottled water when her phone beeped. She checked it and her eyes widened in surprise. "It's Bernadette… she says she has talked to Howard, and now she wants to talk to me and Penny." He couldn't help beaming proudly. "Sheldon..?"

"Well, it has been nice having lunch with you, I mean not with you, but having lunch here by myself and with you just happening to be there." He dumped his folded burger wrapper in the paper bag and rolled it shut, and then stood up and left.

It's all going to be okay, Amy, you'll see.

Author's Notes: Thanks for reading. I hope you review, because that's cool.