Rating: M (just in case)

Genres: romance/humor

Pairing: MegatronxStarscream (Kinda crack-ish, retarded, etc.)

Enjoy. :3 A present for ju! (You know who you are.) It's been done too many times to count I guess, but I like writing these two. :)) For humor's sake, there is some OOCness goin' on, so keep that in mind as ya read plz.

Don't own anyone mentioned in here…*sighs*

Control

"He's got a bug."

As simple as the proclamation was, Starscream couldn't quite get his processor fully around it. The jet stared at the constructicon as if he had just told him Optimus Prime had been an erotic dancer before the war.

So, not surprisingly, Starscream asked Hook to repeat what he had just said.

The Constructicon's vents huffed in annoyance. "Can you not understand basic now? I said Megatron's got a virus."

Starscream's disbelief was replaced with surprise. Since when did Megatron get sick? The warlord never got sick. Ever. Or, at least, in the time Starscream had served under him. It just didn't happen.

All the while the two were ignoring their leader's attempts at standing. Of course, any attempts were failed due to the strong cocktail of virus-killing substances Hook had pumped him full with. He would have been furious if not for the room constantly spinning, but no one, not even Megatron himself, was actually thinking this.

"So…you called me here to tell me that?" Starscream crossed his arms over his chest, aggravation pulling down his dark face-plates. Really, as second in command he had better things to do.

Oh yes, like enjoying his down time. Why should he care if Megatron was ill? It wasn't life threatening; or, judging by Hook's usual casual disrespect, it didn't seem life threatening. And even if it were, Starscream couldn't imagine being too torn up about the loss of Megatron…

Hook gave Starscream a rather nasty look. "I knew I should have called Soundwave."

"No," Starscream blurted out before meaning to. As much as he hated the slip up, he harbored more hate for the third in command. "You made the correct choice in calling me." The tri-colored jet, ignoring the look Hook was giving him, turned his attention to his leader and – did his best and not succeeding – choked back a titter.

Really, Megatron looked ridiculous. The large mech was sitting up on the medbay's berth, his hands gripping the edges of the metal slab as if it were the only thing left keeping him up when he was sitting on the thing! His optics were bright, his lips parted, panting due to his systems overheating, fighting off whatever had invaded his body. Ooooh how Starscream wanted to capture the moment so he could show the tyrant later…

Starscream smirked, another peal of chuckles leaving his vocalizer when Megatron gracelessly fell back against the berth.

"Lord Megatron," he half cooed, half laughed, "how are you feeling?"

"Starscream, if you're here just to pester then I'm going have to ask you to leave." Hook had stepped to the other side of the berth, giving the Decepticon leader a worried look. He reached out, grabbing a scanner from the small table by the berth. Starscream stayed where he was and watched, blatantly ignoring the constructicon's warning.

"Why should I leave? Clearly our leader is in need of attention!" The jet laughed again as he peered down at Megatron's prone form. "Isn't that right, lord Megatron?" Starscream reached out and placed his hand on the silver mech's shoulder.

And quickly moved his hand away with a hiss. The mech was scalding hot! "I thought you gave him something?" Starscream wasn't worried, just aggravated at how inadequate Hook's skills were as a medic; not that he was alone in his lack of medical knowledge. Sure, the constructicons could build things, but as the Decepticon army's "medical" team they were mostly just a group of ill-tempered mechs with equipment. What was worse was that Hook was possibly the most unpleasant, thinking he was somehow superior to the future leader of the Decepticons.

Hook's face-plates were drawn down into a frown. It was a very condescending look, and Starscream did his best not to acknowledge it. "I did, and don't worry, it's working."

Starscream crossed his arms over his chest. "So what do we do now? Wait?"

Hook shrugged, stepping away from the berth. "That's all we can do. I'll need to keep a watch on him, make sure he doesn't go anywhere." It was almost amusing how fearless the medic had become upon giving their leader what Starscream was sure was enough drugs to knock Omega Supreme into stasis.

"Why is it a problem if he leaves the medbay?" Starscream asked, his amusement with the situation quickly turning back into frustration. Sure it was fun watching the old piece of scrap flop about pathetically, but that only went so far.

"Well, I doubt that he can even stand, honestly." Hook shrugged again. "I just don't want a delusional Megatron roaming the ship."

Starscream's optics widened. "Delusional?"

Hook sighed, giving the seeker a glare. "Yes, delusional. This bug is pretty nasty and most, if not all, of his systems are fighting it off. That means there isn't much of anything left to spare for coherent thought," he paused, sighing. "He can't even stand. He should have informed me he was sick earlier so that I didn't have to go get Astrotrain to carry his sorry aft here…"

The image of Astrotrain carrying Megatron to the medbay was something Starscream wished he had seen firsthand. "Where was he?"

"In his quarters," Hook replied. He paused, giving the second in command a skeptical look, and Starscream instantly knew he wasn't going to hear any more of the story. "Look, I know you don't give a frag about Megatron's wellbeing, so why are you still here?"

Starscream put on his best hurt expression. "Why, really Hook? You think I don't care for our leader's wellbeing?"

Starscream wasn't surprised by the silence that followed his question.

"…stop with the theatrics." Hook pointed to the door. "Go. You can come back later, when he's not burning as hot as the Pit."

The seeker huffed, annoyed by the command. "I out rank you, medic, so I suggest you check your tone before speaking." He turned to the exit, however. "I will be back to check on him shortly."

Hook sighed, but Starscream decided to ignore it.

True to his word, Starscream went back to the medbay later. A lot later; as in Hook had gone to recharge for the day later. He wondered if Megatron was doing any better. The jet hoped he wasn't, simply for the fact that he was amusing in his diminished state...

And Starscream needed a good laugh. Skywarp and Thundercracker had dragged him into a verbal duel with Soundwave's idiotic cassettes and so the second in command was not in the best of moods. He had left before any real violence had begun; before his mood was completely ruined.

So here he was, in the medbay. Starscream stepped through the doors, glad to see no one else in the room. Well, no one except Megatron. The fool was still lying on the berth.

"Lord Megatron, are you awake?" He was met with bleary, yet bright optics and Starscream felt his lips curl into a smirk. The warlord was still out of it. Apparently Hook had given him more virus killing substances.

"Uh huh," was Megatron's uncharacteristic response. He groaned, squeezing his optics shut.

Starscream's smirk turned into a sadistic smile. "Oh, did I disturb you? I'm terribly sorry, lord Megatron."

Megatron stared at Starscream for a moment, not saying anything. The seeker laughed again. "Perhaps I should leave you to rest…" He had no intention of leaving, he just loved talking to Megatron in a condescending voice, even if the idiot wouldn't remember it.

There were a few more moments of staring, and then something unexpected happened.

Megatron giggled.

Starscream gawked at his leader, not able to utter a word. What could he say to that?

The silver mech continued to chortle, and eventually he put his hands over his face, as if embarrassed by something. The chortles continued, muffled by black servos, accompanied by Megatron shaking his head back and forth.

"Uh, Megatron?" Starscream was actually beginning to worry. He hated to admit it, but there was a part of him that – perhaps subconsciously – cared for his leader's safety. A very, very small part of his subconscious that may not even be there. Yeah. That was it.

Megatron peeked through his fingers shyly, and quickly covered his optics again. Starscream was seriously considering waking Hook up…

Without any hesitation, Starscream placed a hand on Megatron's chest and frowned. He was still running hot. What the frag did that medicine do? Was it supposed to do nothing? Really, Hook's expertise was in question here –

"Hey," Megatron's deep voice rumbled through his chest and Starscream felt it in his hand. It was…a very strange sensation. He felt his face-plates heat up, so he jerked his hand back. Megatron frowned at the reaction, looking hurt. "You…I…"

Starscream watched as Megatron struggled to form a sentence, his mind reeling. The warlord was pouting, his bottom lip beginning to tremble.

This can't be the same mech. Starscream only continued to stare in shock as Megatron's words transformed into incoherent blubbering. Soon coolant would be leaking from his optics –

And Starscream didn't think he could really handle that. "Calm down you oaf!" The jet placed his hands on his hips, glaring at Megatron. The pathetic attempts at speech stopped and Starscream sighed. "I'm going to get Hook."

Megatron's frown deepened. He sat up, his arms falling to the berth. "No. Stay."

Well, that was…unexpected. Starscream kept his hands on his hips and a frown on his face. He really shouldn't stay. He should get Hook. "What if I left and came right back?" He couldn't believe he was talking to Megatron like that. It would normally be considered disrespectful. But the fool was acting like a sparkling! And Starscream didn't know how else to handle the situation. Sure it had been fun at first, but now he really was starting to worry.

A frustrated sound left Megatron's vocalizer as he wiggled. "No.."

Starscream felt his arms fall to his sides, his shock returning.

Upon seeing Starscream's surprise, Megatron apparently took it for something else because he began to whine, yes, as in whimper, grabbing at the berth. "Wait, I…you can't, it's not – ugh!" The silver mech fell back on the berth, the impact causing a loud bang.

Without giving it a second of thought, Starscream jumped into action. He bent over the berth, his hands trying to find something to do. "What's wrong?" He wasn't thinking about how worried he was, but if he were he would be disgusted with himself. Instead he was thinking how the frag this could be happening.

The silver mech stared with wide optics. After a few moments of staring, Megatron's body began to tremble…

It doubled Starscream's worries at first. Then he realized the trembling was laughing.

Wait, Starscream thought, terror seeping into his processor, he's going to –

A black servo snatched his arm. Starscream froze. "W-what are you doing?" This wasn't good. What if Megatron was faking? Surely not. He couldn't see the older mech acting like such a fool on purpose. "Let go!"

Megatron, to Starscream's surprise, let go. The silver mech was silent, save for his cooling fans working overtime to keep his heated body down to a non-threatening temperature. Starscream almost felt bad for yelling.

Almost. He wasn't quite sure what he was seeing yet, and if Megatron decided to suddenly attack the seeker he was staying good and cautious.

"I'm going to get Hook," he stated flatly as he turned to leave. The only sound in the room was his thrusters clicking against the floor. For some reason that set him on edge; he glanced behind him and saw Megatron staring at him, his face unreadable. Whatever that damned, supposed medic had given Megatron wasn't allowed to be used again!

Megatron mumbled something, and Starscream stopped right before exiting the medbay. He turned, not knowing why it mattered; Megatron was in a drug-induced state of delusion! Whatever he said was of no importance.

…but if he had heard what he thought he had…

"What?"

Megatron looked up, clearly embarrassed – the sight was strangely as endearing as it was strange – and covered his energon-tinted faceplates. Starscream waited, surprised how patient he was being. Of course, if he had heard what he thought he had, the wait was worth it.

"I…well, that is…" The gunformer sighed and allowed his hands to fall to his lap; he began tugging at his fingers almost violently, and a few times he absently hit his hip plating. Starscream realized his gaze had lingered on those black hips for too long and instantly willed his eyes up. Where had that come from?

Suddenly Megatron's fans stuttered, the sound filling the room with a horrible choking sound – and Starscream with fear. The jetformer was at his leader's side before he knew he had moved. The older mech's body heaved, not being able to pump cool air through his overheated systems.

Despite all of this, the Decepticon leader blurted out what he had mumbled earlier.

"You're pretty."

Starscream froze. He turned his head to his leader, knowing he looked downright terrified; of course, he was downright terrified (for some reason).

Starscream had no idea how to respond. For starters, he hadn't really thought of how pretty he thought Megatron was. It wasn't hard considering the old piece of scrap metal never listened to him, beat the slag out of him, left him behind after battles…

…but now that he looked at his leader, he had to admit he was a rather impressive piece of machinery. Starscream never had been into bigger builds, mainly because he hated feeling smaller. With Skyfire it was a constant battle; the gentle giant had tried many times to get his attention, but Starscream was having none of it.

He was not the bottom. Perhaps that was why he had never even considered Megatron as a possible berth partner – the brute exuded dominance.

…the glitch.

"I…think you're pretty too," Starscream choked out. He knew he sounded ridiculous, but that was the best his stalling processor could come up with at that moment. The jet watched his leader's face carefully, hoping that if doing so he could detect any sign of anger and avoid any unwanted injury.

But Megatron only stared, his mouth agape. Starscream studied the silver face, wondering what he was thinking.

"That's…" Megatron started, his cooling fans back to functioning. "That's good?"

Before he knew it, Starscream was laughing. The look of complete confusion on his leader's usual stern face was too much. "Yes, I suppose it is." He took a seat on the berth; Megatron was fine for now, so Hook could wait.

The warlord looked down at his lap, biting his bottom lip. Starscream stared as the soft, silver metal was released from denta, glistening from oral fluid…

Starscream's processor stopped. A devious thought sprang into his mind as he stared at the delusional mech before him. Now that he really thought about it, he could take advantage of the situation…

Oh you are so smart, Starscream giggled. All the times the glitch had beaten him, yelled at him, humiliated him – now was the time to get him back for it! It was all too perfect!

The tri-colored jet leaned forward, laying his hands flat against the silver mech's chest-plates. Megatron's optics widened and Starscream smirked.

He knew he was going into dangerous territory, but couldn't find any restraint in himself.

"I bet you've wanted to 'face me senseless, right?"

Megatron frowned, the comical expression only making the seeker all the more bold. "I – what?"

The second in command giggled again, this time leaning in closer. "You have. That's why you think I'm pretty, isn't it? You just want an interface." He paused, his smirk turning into something darker. "You could have just asked."

Megatron's mouth fell open, wide. It was easy to forget that this was the same mech who had just beaten him a few days before. Thinking about it, he may keep some of those drugs; they could come in handy later.

Starscream trailed a finger down the warlord's chest, then torso, stopping just above where silver met black. He knew he was acting like a straight up whore but was having too much fun to care. Any chance to dominate his leader was a chance more than worth taking. He was tired of always being there to take the blame for Megatron's stupid mistakes!

He needed a reward for all of his hard work – not to mention unjust beatings.

What better way to wind down than to frag his leader into a fritz?

Megatron looked down at Starscream's hand, his expression surprisingly neutral. Starscream frowned, not liking that at all – he wanted to reduce the larger mech to a writhing, silver mass before this was over – so he moved his hand a tad bit farther down…

A gasp escaped Megatron's lips and his second purred in triumph. It was such a nice noise; he had never even thought the oh so might Megatron could make such a sound. Starscream looked down at his hand, a grin forming on his face.

Why hadn't he thought of this before? It was the ultimate show of power! Starscream moved his hand further down, urging his leader to lean back with the other, still firmly pressed to his broad chest.

The Decepticon second in command could not recall the last time he had been so excited; Megatron not only leaned back, but spread his thighs. Now, whether the leg spreading was absently or intentionally didn't matter to Starscream.

His spike was already pressurizing, uncomfortably pressing into his panel. He felt the metal beneath his hand warm – hotter than it already was, which, oddly enough, was turning him on even more – and did his best not to giggle.

And here he thought Primus hated him all this time.

"Oh, you've been waiting for this, haven't you?" Starscream actually did giggle, pressing firmly into the heated panel. The jetformer's delight increased tenfold when Megatron moaned, pushing his body into Starscream's hand.

The jet had to bite his bottom lip to keep himself from squealing.

How had he gotten so lucky? He could kiss Hook on the mouth for this! Starscream stared at the form laid out before him, silver and black metal gleaming, taunting him. He was never going to look at Megatron the same again after this; which, Starscream thought as he began stroking his leader's interface panel thoroughly, was not a bad thought at all…

Megatron, without any assistance, spread his legs further apart.

Without needing any more invitation than that, the seeker climbed completely on the berth and quickly straddled the bigger mech's hips. It was almost intoxicating, the power he was feeling at that moment. Starscream, with his new found power, just sat there on top of his leader staring at him.

The Decepticon commander shifted, his larger frame moving Starscream with him. This put some caution back into the seeker; Megatron was still Megatron. He could easily throw him across the room or worse, slag him with his cannon –

Starscream looked at his leader's right arm and had to actually keep himself from bouncing up and down from excitement.

Hook had removed Megatron's cannon! Which was rather odd due to their leader's (understandable) paranoia. But Starscream didn't care much about that at the moment. All he knew was that if Megatron were to "return" from his drug induced state and decided to destroy Starscream, (for Starscream was planning on doing some rather naughty things to his commander) the second in command would have a chance of escape.

He wished he had brought some stasis cuffs now…

But no matter! He could still have his fun. Starscream looked down at the wiggling Megatron, the poor fool was still burning up from whatever kind of virus he had caught. His red optics looked a shade brighter, almost pink. Starscream clicked his glossa, drawing nearer to the disoriented mech's face.

Somewhere in his processor he knew he should probably not be doing anything strenuous with a sick mech, but Starscream wasn't the type to miss an opportunity.

"What's wrong?" Starscream asked, his ego inflating as Megatron whined. "You seem awfully warm, Megatron."

The silver mech grabbed for the seeker's thighs, pushing his smaller frame down. Starscream frowned, not liking the thought of being rushed. He sighed, slapping Megatron's hands away from his thighs.

Starscream froze; he had just slapped Megatron! Or, his hands, but a slap was a slap. He stared down at his leader's face, ready to see boiling rage embodied…

But only found those incredibly shiny optics staring back at him pleadingly. Stasrscream felt a wave of heat rush through his lower half and forgot all about deactivation. Megatron bucked his hips up, causing the seeker to bounce.

Again, Starscream frowned. Megatron was not going to ruin this by taking control. There was no way in the Pit! Starscream began moving his hands up silver plating, relishing in the way the powerful form trembled beneath his fingers. His ire had all but disappeared as soon as Megatron began moaning.

Oh, Starscream was going to enjoy this! Not only was he going to get to ravage his delusional, idiotic leader, but he was going to use it against him afterwards. He would record the session and save it, later showing his pompous, dumb-aft leader and then call him a whore. It was risky, yes, but Starscream was willing to risk death to humiliate his leader on such a scale!

Too bad his plan was already foiled.

Megatron had been rather stressed lately. Between all the losses against the Autobots, Shockwave needing more energon for Cybertron, his troops being bigger morons than usual –

Yes, Megatron had been rather stressed lately. So when he began feeling warmer than usual, he shook it off as, surprise surprise, stress. The warlord sat in his office, hoping his systems would start to cool.

They didn't, of course, and the next thing he knew he was on the floor – probably twitching or something as equally disgraceful – unable to move. Megatron didn't know how long he had stayed like that, but eventually someone had found him. That someone was, surprisingly, Hook. Megatron would have thought Soundwave would have found him…

But he was found and brought to the med-bay. After that everything was hazy.

Hazy until he found himself alone. At first he was mortified; he couldn't remember what he had done for the last…he didn't even know how long. Megatron could feel a massive amount of chemicals running through his systems courtesy of Hook. The contrsucticon was going to need a talking to about that.

After a few moments of recollection he remembered Hook, maybe Astrotrain…

And the unmistakably screechy voice of his second in command. Megatron had felt his mortification morph into irritation. Having Starscream in the same room as him when he was so drugged up was not a good idea. The glitch had tried to overthrow him so many times it was pathetic; but even while pathetic, Megatron didn't take threats lightly. Starscream was a skilled fighter – when he wanted to be – and even gave good tactical advice from time to time…when he wasn't being an idiot. So, Megatron always had Soundwave, or himself, keep an optic on the red seeker, just to be safe.

Which brought a rather pressing matter to the forefront of Megatron's processor: Why was Soundwave slacking off on his job?

…Anyway, all in all Megatron had woken up feeling nervous, (still) overheated and slightly disoriented. But he had had worse, and the thought of staying in the med-bay for much longer did not sit well with him. So, feeling good and ready to leave, Megatron sat up.

Or, tried to. Apparently the drugs weren't finished with him yet. He growled, feeling the – no doubt toxic – substances pull him back to the berth. Megatron lay still, feeling the heat rise off of his frame. Whatever had nestled into his systems was persistent, but he was sure if Hook kept pumping those slagging drugs into him whatever it was, and perhaps him along with it, would die…

After a few more moments of pouting about his situation, Megatron heard the med-bay doors open. He had hoped it was Hook, or even the missing Soundwave, but felt his anger rise when he saw familiar white wings.

Oh scrap, he sighed, letting his head fall back onto the table. The thought of Starscream just –

…made him kind of hot. Megatron had always had a sort of thing for the seeker – as juvenile and ridiculous as that sounded, it was true – and had always wondered what it would be like to have the little glitch in his berth. Starscream was attractive, far more than any mech had the right to be, and his rebellious attitude didn't help that at all, (in Megatron's opinion; he had a thing for his second's smart-aft comebacks).

Megatron watched the seeker saunter into the room, a smirk on his dark faceplates. The Decepticon commander felt heat – a different kind of heat than whatever was plaguing his body – sweep through his frame.

He had been stressed lately…

A little acting is in order. Megatron did his best not to chuckle to himself as the seeker stopped by the berth. Starscream said something, Megatron hadn't been listening, so going with the delusional act he simply responded with an "uh huh".

It may not have been very nice to play such a trick on his second – who could try to kill him in his weakened state – but Megatron was not leader of the Decepticons for being honest…

Before he knew it, the stupid act had proven successful in luring the seeker onto the berth with him. Starscream was so predictable! It was sad how fast Starscream had jumped on after being called pretty.

Megatron continued to stare blankly, stupidly as Starscream reached down with a blue hand to his interface panel. The tyrant tried not to smirk; he had no intention of letting Starscream get much further. Megatron rather liked the idea of spiking the colorful jet, not the other way around. He hadn't any use for his valve for a long while, and planned on keeping it inactive for a while longer still.

But plans, especially Decepticon plans, fall apart at one point or another.

The moment Starscream touched his interface panel, Megatron felt his lower half erupt in heat. As if he wasn't warm enough already! He actually gasped, and his second grinned like a maniac. The room began to spin, and suddenly all Megatron could focus on was the hand between his legs.

Soon nothing mattered but Starscream's hand, which travelled up his body up to his jaw. The smaller mech rumbled his engine, the vibrations rattling his leader's frame.

Megatron was finding it harder and harder not to start begging. Before he knew it his interface panel had slid back, the cool air in the room causing his sensitive valve to constrict. He gasped, not used to the sensation, and arched upwards.

What the slag was happening? Megatron began panting, his systems beginning to run hotter. Starscream hadn't even started and here he was writhing! It was beyond humiliating, and he couldn't stop it.

"P-Primus," he choked out as his devious second wiggled his fingers into his side, reaching cables that were quite sensitive. He felt his valve constrict again, this time harder, and whined at the sensation of nothing filling him. Megatron was ashamed but, unfortunately, couldn't control himself.

"You're nothing but a whore, aren't you?" Starscream cooed as he slid his other hand to his leader's interface. His fingers touched the rim of Megatron's valve…

Megatron had never felt his valve tighten so much around nothing in all of his existence. He bucked his hips up, wanting – and at this point needing – something to fill him. He threw his head back, grabbing the edges of the berth so tightly he felt it dent.

It was so slagging hot.

The heat coming off of Megatron's body was astounding; Starscream moaned at the thought of his spike in that heat. He hadn't even started and Megatron was completely revved up. At this rate they were both going to overload before anything really happened.

Not wanting that to happen, Starscream slid his finger into the larger mech's valve as he retracted his own interface panel.

He bit back a moan as his finger was squeezed in hot, wet bliss. He could only imagine what it would feel like to his spike. Starscream looked at Megatron and smirked. He had his leader panting and bucking and whining –

"Suggestion: stop."

Starscream would have wet himself if giant robots did that. He instantly hid himself and ripped his finger from Megatron's valve. Megatron keened, then cursed. Starscream ignored him, though, and stared at the bane of his existence.

Soundwave stared back, not flinching at the jet's hateful look. "Starscream: causing damage to Megatron. Stop it."

"What? It's just a frag – or do you not know what interfacing is?" Starscream smirked; Soundwave was an uncharismatic bore and had probably never interfaced in his life. He moved out of the way as Hook came rushing in. The constructicon gave him a dirty look, but like so many other things, Starscream ignored it.

The blue mech shook his head. "Megatron: overheating due to virus. You are not helping." He paused, "Soundwave: gets more than you ever will." Just then, a very happy looking Scrapper walked by, who promptly waved at Soundwave.

Starscream felt his processor explode.

End

Stupid. So, so stupid. :/ But maybe someone got a kick out of it.