They looked so happy.

Nina on Arnold's hip, face raised, cheeks pink. Her arm tight around Helga's neck. Arnold's eyes on Helga, Helga's eyes on Nina. All of them smiling.

They looked like a family.

She hadn't noticed the picture at first, framed and hung amongst the many others in the hallway. But now, it was all she could see. Though it was blurred through the tears swimming in her eyes.

That first day of school… it seemed so impossibly long ago. It was hard to believe how much things had changed since then.

"I swear Amy hung that just to torture me." Arnold's voice was soft behind her, painfully honest, but at least now he was talking to her.

That hug seemed to have broken something down between them. The air was softer now, somehow. Not that they'd really done anything, just stood in the kitchen for an age, clutched tight together, too scared to talk, to move… eventually she'd had to peel away, apologetically explaining that she needed to go to the bathroom.

She'd come back downstairs to find him in the hallway, staring at this photograph. He'd stepped back to let her look at it, an almost sheepish expression on his face. Said nothing as she stood studying it.

"Will you tell me what happened?" She breathed, aware that this was two months too late. Knowing that she was a coward for not turning to face him.

She felt his fingertips on her hip, the briefest of touches.

"I didn't invite him. He just turned up." His voice was low, but clear. "I didn't mean to let him in, but Nina asked if he wanted to see her drawings, and… I just didn't know what to say."

"But I have to admit, that once he was inside, I did hope he'd… I hoped for some kind of fairy tale, I suppose." He chuckled, but it was a dejected, self-depreciative sound. "Y'know, boy finally gets the girl, girl's estranged father has an epiphany, all is forgiven and we get to play happy families…"

"It took about ten minutes for me to realise how badly I'd fucked up. But then I had no idea how to get him out without causing a scene. I tried to be tactful, but he kept blowing me off… I know should have just told him to go…"

"Then you came home, and… the way you looked at me. It wasn't even like you were angry. There was just nothing there. You were completely closed off."

At some point, she'd wrapped her arms around her own chest, that strange weight threatening to close off her throat, forcing her tender lungs to take shallow breaths.

"I've never been so scared in my life. I think I knew when you just walked past me that it was over. I'd just fucked up too badly… and I freaked out. I didn't want to lose you, especially after… after everything… I thought we were so solid, I thought… I thought you were it… and then…"

"I panicked. Which is why I got so pushy… and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Helga. I can't think of single thing I did right that day. I can't believe how bad I screwed up…"

"So… yeah, I get it. I get why you don't want me being a dad to Nina when you can't trust me to keep her safe. I get it. I hate myself for it… but I get it."

Finally, words forced themselves from her aching throat, past that solid lump of grief. "You aren't angry at me for walking out?"

She heard a huff of air leave his lungs. Wondered what the expression on his face would tell her, if only she had the courage to turn around.

"No." He said it like an admission of guilt. "I want to be… being mad at you is easier than missing you… but I'm not. I get that it was my fault… and I told you, remember, that if you decided that being with me wasn't the best thing for you and Nina, then I'd respect that."

"I just want what's best for you, Helga… both of you… and if that's not me. I can't hate you for that."

Oh god, why did he have to be so nice? It made everything so much worse.

She swallowed convulsively at the pressure building in her throat, the heat in her eyes that promised imminent tears. No. She didn't want to cry… she didn't want… she hiccupped, sniffed.

"I'm so sorry…" She murmured for the third time that night. "I'm just… I'm so sorry… I wish I knew what the fuck was wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with-"

"Yes there is. I love you so much… and I've been so miserable since we left… and so has Nina, but… but I'm such a mess. I just want to be a good mum, but I keep fucking everything up. Nothing I do is right… I'm so sorry…"

There was so much she wanted to say, about how she was stubborn and how she felt like a failure and how she had no idea how to cope with him and his good nature and how easily he loved…

"You scare me, Arnold. I've never had anyone like you before, I don't know if I can live up to…" She was gasping now, her voice shaking. "I'm so scared that I'll just push you away again."

"Oh Helga." His hands gripped her arms, just above her elbow. "I'm scared of that too. I worried about it every day."

"Then why did you even want me?"

"Because as much as the worst possible scenarios scare me, the best possible ones are worth the work…" He stepped a little closer, his hands still on her arms, bent close to her ear. "We were always going to fight, Helga… it's just a fact of life… but when I fuck up, I can only make it up to you if you let me. I can't if you run away."

She wanted to… she wanted to just melt into his arms and let it all be easy… "What about when I fuck up?"

"Make it up to me." He made it sound so simple… but he was still being careful. She could feel it in the precise pressure of his hands, the tentative hesitation at the end of his sentences.

"How can I make this up to you?"

"Just come home…"

She didn't resist when he turned her around, when he hooked his fingers under her chin, his green eyes sad, but smiling.

"It's up to you, Helga. I'll respect your decision either way… any way, if you have caveats."

She gazed at him, feeling how she did that morning when he'd first asked her to dinner… like she was about to leap off a cliff. Marvelling at his beautiful green eyes, wondering why she always made things so difficult for herself.

Steven was right. She thought herself into a corner, she turned herself around in circles until she had no idea what direction she was facing… she needed to just take a deep breath, and make the choice for herself.

She wanted to come back…

Could it really be that straightforward? Something in his hopeful expression told her that it just might be…

Fuck it.

Stop thinking.

She kissed him.

They were so close that it only took the slightest of motions, her just reaching up to press her lips to his, but it felt like one of the largest gaps she'd ever bridged… letting herself go like that, knowing that she was committing herself…

He responded instantly, his hands coming up to her face, holding her while he stole her breath.

If she thought he was going to be hesitant and tentative with his kisses, as he was with his words, she was wrong. He was firm, almost forceful, tilting his head to coax her mouth open, groaning when his tongue found hers.

All of the swirling thoughts, the doubts, the worries… stilled. None of that mattered. All that mattered was how he was bending over her, forcing her to arch her back, pressing them together. What mattered was the familiar fabric of his worn shirt beneath her palm, and the flat planes of muscle beneath that.

What mattered was the look on his face when he pulled back, his voice low and husky when he asked "Will you stay with me tonight?"

Oh god. Everything inside her tightened with that thought… of having his skin against hers again. She nodded.

"You want me to put Nina to bed?" His long fingers stroked back into her hair, tilting her head back even further.

"I…" She started to say she could do it herself... but… "Yeah, thanks." Then smirked. "Bedtime."

His eyes darkened. "Yes. Please… Jesus." He kissed her. "Get upstairs."

She bit her lip. She liked him like this. When he looked at her like that, lascivious, hungry… She wriggled against him, smiling when he groaned.

"Get. up. stairs." He growled. "I'll join you, soon."

So she went upstairs. She brushed her teeth with Arnold's toothbrush, she stood in the doorway of the bathroom and watched Arnold carry Nina into her room. It was her room again! Her heart thumped.

She crept into Arnold's room, toed off her shoes and socks, wriggled out of her jeans…

A frisson of anticipation buzzed across her scalp when the door opened. She paused, stood up.

"Don't stop on my account." He grinned, moving to undo his belt.

She blushed, suddenly shy. "Was Nina OK?"

"Totally. She half woke up, but settled back straight away." He pushed his jeans down over his hips, and they hit the floor with a foomph. "Now…" He stepped forward, reached up to pull his t-shirt over his head in one motion. "Are you going to finish stripping for me? Or would you like me to help?"

Ohhh, that look was back in his eyes, the hungry one…

She chose the scarier option. She let him look. She reached down to grab her top with both hands, to pull it up over her head. She let it drop to the floor, put her hands behind her back to undo her bra clasp, let that drop to the floor…

All the while, watching his face. His eyes traced every curve of her body, every movement of her hands. His mouth was coiled into a half-cocked smile, an unapologetic, almost hard look in his eyes. She'd never felt so wanted in her life.

She pushed her fingers under the band of her panties, bending over as she slid them down her legs, stepping out of them when they hit the carpet. She refused to listen to the voice of self-consciousness that was niggling at the back of her head.

"You're not wearing your necklace…" He frowned a little at that, but that desire still smouldered in his eyes.

"Oh." She reached up to touch the hollow at the base of her throat, where the little gold heart normally sat. "I'm sorry… I couldn't…"

He stepped closer, he stepped close. His hand wrapped around her ribs, brushing his thumb against the bottom swell of her breast… oh. The words died in her throat.

"It's fine. I can't care about that when you're here… like this." The words should have sounded soft, tender, but they didn't. They were edged with a raw rasp that made the muscles in her belly tighten.

He frowned slightly again, looking thoughtful, before saying slowly, "I've always tried to be gentle with you, Helga. I don't know what you went through with Mark… in bed…" He looked almost pained for a second, but he continued. "So I've held myself back… but I've always wanted you… it's been hard to go slow when all I've wanted to do is lock you in my room and fuck you for days on end…"

Jesus. Her thighs clenched, her hips pushed forward. She could feel how badly he wanted her, and she rolled her hips against him, noting how his eyes darkened at the pressure. Yes please…

"So before I lose my mind… can I fuck you?" His fingers tightened on her ribs, his body pressed tighter against her. "Just… forget about everything else and lose myself in you?"

That sounds perfect. She raised her arms to wrap them lazily around his neck, arched her back to press her breasts against his chest… and kissed him. "Fuck me." She murmured against his mouth. "Please."

He growled, grabbed her waist, and hefted her up, making her squeal, then squeal again when he threw her unceremoniously onto his bed.

He pushed his boxers off before he followed her, climbing up onto the mattress, running the palms of his hands up her inner thighs, moving to grip her hips as he mumbled his lips up her stomach, up her throat.

"I love you." He breathed into her ear, before he lost himself in her… twice…