The Freshman Diary of Tatewaki Kuno

By Red Dragonfly, aka Rebecca Lang

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Part 3

Fall and Winter

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If you are reading this, know that you are my true love.

Nabiki nearly dropped the diary back onto her desk.

Are you surprised that I address you so directly? Ah, but you need not be, for though we have never before met, I have thought about you these long days. That first spark as our eyes meet. The blush of your cheek as I bespeak the passions of my heart. The touch of your hand, and the joy on your face; our first date and our first kiss. It is inevitable that we must also exchange diaries, and so as you read this, know, my love, that even now, across whatever chasm of time and space, my heart yet belongs to you.

Nabiki checked the date. September 1st. So that explained the drastic change in tone. That autumn Kuno came back to school with a new hobby, a hobby that seemed innocent enough, but quickly grew into a dark obsession that caused his mind to slowly withdraw from reality. In short, he'd discovered poetry.

"For never-resting time leads summer on

"To hideous winter and confounds him there…

"But flowers distilled though they with winter meet,

"Lease but their show, their substance still lives sweet."

No one seemed to think much of it. Kuno had always liked to read heroic texts of samurai and their noble deeds. Poetry was just one more aspect of his romantic nature. It made him more popular with the girls, and if the boys thought him strange, they held their tongue. Kuno was lethal with even a wooden sword and not so easy-going about being teased.

Nabiki could get away with it, usually. She knew exactly what to say to get under his skin, and she knew he'd never hurt her back. But he sure did act weird that fall. Every time Nabiki made a remark, Kuno's temper would flare and his eyes would glow; then he'd clamp his mouth into a hard line and turn away. Something was wrong.

Nabiki skimmed the pages of his diary. Did he still write about her? Yes. Her name still speckled the pages. But the way he wrote it had changed. Her name was no longer black and oozing, like he'd pressed down so hard on his pen that the ink blotted together. Instead, the letters were thin and scratchy, almost unnatural. As if he held the pen as far from the paper as he could while still reaching the tip to the page.

I saw Nabiki Tendo this afternoon. Thinking to practice my swordsmanship, I went to the park and there chanced to spy her sitting on a swing and paging through a magazine. She startled at my presence and for a moment looked up to meet me in the eye—but then, without greeting, she turned back to her magazine, as though I were a stranger or perhaps some boy from school she spoke to from time to time but thought nothing of. She is cold. A few flakes of snow can be charming, but a blizzard can kill. And so, my love, I have decided that you will be quite different from her: warm, burning with fire, fierce, passionate. My love,

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

"Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

"Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

"And summer's lease hath all too short a date…

"But thy eternal summer shall not fade…"

I do not think I shall return to that park again. It is a place full of the ghosts of old memories, and I shall put them behind me. It is not good to linger on what I once was. Should a butterfly think of its life as a caterpillar? No. From now on I shall think only of my glorious future, with you, my nameless love.

He hadn't come back.

Nabiki remembered that. She remembered waiting by the swings on the weekends with her magazines in hand, expecting to hear his familiar screams as his sword flew toward the battered oak. But all she heard was children giggling. Eventually, she learned he'd taken to practicing exclusively at school or at home. There was no casual way to see him after that. You couldn't just walk up to a guy's practice or into his house without attracting attention.

Not that Nabiki couldn't handle attention. She created plenty of drama for the school to feast upon. Her name was in the scandal pages of the class newspaper daily. By now, most the guys had caught on to her methods. Didn't matter. She could still hook them when she wanted to. And if she chose to get her money in different ways—say, blackmail—the school had nothing to complain about. Nabiki was still a rich source of entertainment.

But some things were none of their business.

It's now been brought to light that Nabiki Tendo is of the most vile and reprehensible character, that she schemes for money and cracks men's hearts open like eggs. This I knew long ago. Indeed it amazes me how long it took everyone else to see the truth. Now, the men she dated declare her nothing more than a seductress, their interest in her long gone. What a weak sort of love they profess, here one day and gone the next. I have no stomach for it. What do boys such as them know of matters of the heart? For, as it is said,

"…Love is not love

"Which alters when it alteration finds,

"Or bends with the remover to remove:

"O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

"That looks on tempests and is never shaken…

"Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

"But bears it out even to the edge of doom."

I have decided, my love, that I shall know you to be my love as soon as I see you: for if it were not so, it would not be true love. Love that doubts or waivers with uncertainty is merely infatuation, easily gained, easily dismissed. But true love, as ours shall be, is eternal. And so fear not, for once I meet you and know you to be mine, I shall never give in or allow anything to come between us. My beloved, know that once I have you, I shall never let you go.

Nabiki flipped through the months. September, October, November. All the same poetic nonsense. And it wasn't as though he kept his obsession locked inside. Kuno openly spouted soliloquies about how his love's "bright eyes feed'st thy light's flame" and how she was "thy sweet self too cruel." His girlfriends decreased dramatically once they realized he wasn't talking about them.

Suddenly, everyone in school wanted to know about this mystery girl who'd stolen Kuno's heart away. He refused to tell anyone her name, and speculation ran wild. Was she a summer romance who lived in a different prefecture? Maybe she was a famous actress who made Kuno swear to keep her identity a secret. No, she was a princess from another country, a foreign beauty trapped in a loveless engagement who even now wrote Kuno letters, begging him to rescue her.

The hype was just so ridiculous.

That Nabiki Tendo openly mocks our love comes as no surprise to me. Envy flows through her veins like a poison. Today, at our school's culture festival, I won match after match against all manner of martial artists, scattering my opponents like breadcrumbs. Then, taking the stage, I dedicated my victory to you, my love. As I praised your beauty, grace, and wit, who should interrupt, but her?

"Impressive words, Kuno-baby. You'll have the whole school in love with this girl at this rate." Nabiki stood at the end of the stair with her arms crossed, a leer upon her impertinent face.

Yeah, she'd told him off. It was about time someone did. The rest of the students in the crowd stepped back, so that she had a clear view. Kuno's sword leaned rigid in the crook of his arm, and the heat of his battle aura swelled through the November air. But so what? He didn't intimidate her. Nabiki was an unarmed girl, after all. He couldn't hit her. So he'd just have to listen to what she said.

"What do all these pretty words of yours actually tell us? No one even knows what this mystery girl looks like. I bet she's just an ordinary girl, and you're getting everybody worked up over nothing."

That put a fire in his eyes.

"You dare speak of my love like that! Her beauty cannot be compared!"

"Let me guess. She has the face of the moon, and the eyes of the sun. Please." Nabiki tossed her head, sending her hair flying. "You could be describing any girl here. Even me."

Kuno glared.

"My love," he said icily, "has long hair."

Think not of these cruel words she has uttered, for what is Nabiki Tendo, but a cold-hearted villain, a temptress of lesser men? She is not like you and I. We share the same heart—a heart that values courage and honor and nobility—a warrior's heart. Yes. You are my Diana, fair goddess of the hunt, as pure as you are fierce. You are nothing like Nabiki.

The thing was, the more Kuno boasted of his pure-hearted warrior maiden, the more worried Nabiki became. No girl on the planet could possibly be as wonderful as he made her out to be. Which either meant that Kuno was so head over heels in love with this girl that he was blind to her faults—or there was no girl.

Nabiki suspected—but she needed proof. Fortunately, that winter break, they got assigned as partners for a class project. Nabiki had just bought a new camera. All she needed to do was find his diary—she knew he kept one—and snap a few juicy pictures. His own writing would convict him.

What a curse to have Nabiki Tendo as a partner. She insists her home has no suitable place to study, forcing me instead to open my abode to her. Were it any other maiden, I would be more trusting. But I know of Nabiki's evil intent. Day by day, she grows more jealous of you, my fair love. Never fear, though, for I will protect you from her wicked schemes. I shall keep this diary close to my chest, and her plans to expose you shall come to naught.

Leave it to Kuno to make things complicated. Oh well. Nabiki didn't need his diary. She had another plan. While Kuno was off fetching her a glass of water, Nabiki snuck into his room and found all the evidence she needed.

Unfortunately, by the time she developed the pictures, winter break was over. And then, Kuno had non-stop kendo practice. He was preparing to take over leadership of the club and training for a tournament. She hardly even saw him in class anymore. Nabiki had to wait until the second week of February when classes were canceled so that the graduating junior high school students could use Furinkan's rooms to take their high school entrance exams. Kuno would be free for sure. At the end of their last homeroom before the break, Nabiki passed him a note and watched his eyes grow wide.

'Meet me at the cafe by my house at 10AM on February 13th. I have something to tell you that I think you'll be very interested in.' What means this note Nabiki hath handed to me? Could this be a date? Perhaps, she now sees how desirable I am and is desperate to steal my heart. How can I not take pity on her? My love, please do not be offended. My heart yet belongs to you. I shall tell Nabiki Tendo up front that I can never be her boyfriend.

Kuno wore cologne and brought flowers to the cafe. If that was his way of saying he wasn't interested, it was no wonder all the weak-willed girls he flirted with still thought they stood a chance. Not that Nabiki had any illusions of having a good time. This was strictly business. She was here to break his heart.

"So," Nabiki said, sipping on her coffee, "I take it your girlfriend doesn't mind you being here with me?"

"My love is very open-minded." Kuno took large swallows of his tea. "She cares only for my happiness."

"A girl who doesn't get jealous. Sounds too good to be true. In fact, everything about this girl sounds too good to be true."

"My love is a jewel among pebbles."

"Your love doesn't exist."

"What means this accusation, Nabiki Tendo? Of course, she exists."

"I have photos that say otherwise." Nabiki set an envelope on the table. "Go ahead and have a look, Kuno-baby."

She stirred her coffee. Kuno picked up the envelope and plucked the photographs out one by one. He stared at the pictures. Then at her. Then at the pictures again. Kuno tilted his head.

"These appear to be photographs of my bedroom."

"Exactly," Nabiki said.

"And what, pray tell, do blank walls have to do with the existence of my love?"

"If you really loved this girl and she loved you back, you'd have a picture of her. But you don't. Not on your walls, your desk, or your end table." Nabiki tapped each picture in turn. "Not a single photograph. Face it, Kuno-baby, your true love isn't real. She's a figment of your imagination."

For a moment, Kuno stared at her, so small and confused, Nabiki felt like a bully who'd broken his favorite toy. He bent down, almost to the table, and looked at the photos again. Some sort of struggle seemed to take place on his face. His eyes flicked back and forth over the pictures, his expression growing darker by the second.

"Deny that thou bear'st love to any, who for thyself art so unprovident..." Kuno crumpled the photographs in his fist. "You know nothing of love, Nabiki Tendo."

"Maybe not," she said. "But I know plenty about reputations. Right now people in this school still look up to you. Girls want to date you, and guys want to be your friend. But all that will change if they find out that you've spent the last six months in love with your imaginary friend. You'll be the laughingstock of the school. Again."

Nabiki had to be harsh. Subtlety got you nowhere with Kuno. You had to bash him over the head with truth for him to get it. And even then, half the time, he still misunderstood. She was trying to help him.

Why was it so hard for him to believe?

"You surprise me, Nabiki Tendo," Kuno said. "I had heard you were underhanded. But this is an unworthy scheme, even for you. To blackmail me, like this."

"Don't think of it as blackmail. Think of this as a reality check."

"And how much will this cost me?"

"Nothing you can't afford. I'll even throw in a discount, seeing that we're old friends."

Kuno laughed, a dark and bitter sound.

"Friends?" he said. "You think we are friends? We are two people who, as unlucky fate would have it, happen to share a classroom. That is all. You mean nothing to me, Nabiki Tendo. Less than the sand on my jacket."

Nabiki crossed her arms.

He had no idea how much he hurt her. And he would never know.

"Fine," she said. "No discount. You still need me to repair your reputation."

"That is where you are wrong." Kuno stood up. "I need no help, because my love exists. I shall show her to you. Soon. And when you see us together, you will rue the day you doubted me. Your heart shall twist in anguish, and you will shed bitter tears of regret."

As it turned out, he was half-right.

February 13th.

Letters trembled, and black ink spattered across the page.

At last, my love, I have found you.

Nabiki shut her eyes.

She knew what was coming. She remembered exactly what happened after they'd argued. He went back to school in a huff and she went back home. Had Nabiki known then that Akane was even now sitting in the homeroom class of Furinkan High, taking her entrance exam? Of course she did. Had Nabiki thought anything of it? No. Why should she? Up until that day, Kuno's little warrior maid was just a figure of his superheated imagination.

Nabiki took a deep breath. It was over. She should stop being a coward and just read the damn entry. It didn't matter anymore. She no longer cared that Kuno had fallen in love with her sister. But why, of all people, did it have to be Akane? Was it just bad timing? Or did he really feel something towards her?

February 13th

At last, my love, I have found you. What a relief it is to see your beautiful face and hear the sound of your name on my lips. Aka—but no! Let me not rush this moment, let me draw out the details of our first meeting, savoring it like a sweet red wine or a cream-filled pastry. How chanced it that after such a painful encounter with that unscrupulous blackmailer—I shall not sully these pages with her name—how chanced it that after such misery should come such delight?

I recall how I stood near my homeroom class, severing straw dummies with shout after shout. Suddenly, the window opened. Like a beam of sunlight, you appeared. Our eyes met for the first time. Such beautiful eyes, and yet beneath them I sensed the restless energy of a warrior. A shiver went down my spine. You asked demurely whether I might refrain from crying out during your exam. I remember well how your long hair fell over your shoulder, spilling from a crimson ribbon, strands floating in the wind.

I know you will forgive my rudeness, my love, but I had to be sure. I refused your request, saying that unless you should defeat me, I would not relent in my practice. It was a test, you see, so that I might know if you truly were the love I was looking for. When you accepted the challenge, my heart flew to my mouth.

How graceful your form, how powerful the aura surrounding you. No weapon you took but caught instead my sword bare-handed. And then we whirled and whirled together in passionate combat. So honest, so pure. The sweat on your brow glistened and your cheeks blushed red. You threw me to the ground, and I knew. Only you could be my love, for no other woman could best me in combat as you did.

"Pray, tell me who you are," I begged.

You replied. Such a lovely name. So close to mine enemy's and yet so different. I shall write it down a thousand times and sing it to the heavens. I will shout it for all the school to hear. My love has a name, and that name is—

"Nabiki Tendo!"

The door burst open with a bang. Tatewaki Kuno thundered into her room, a large black book in one hand, an umbrella in the other. The umbrella hadn't done much good. The rain soaked through his hair and clothes and dripped onto her rug.

Nabiki lowered the book. "What are you doing here? I thought you had kendo practice this afternoon."

"And how was I to train," Kuno replied, "whilst knowing that you wrongly possessed my freshman diary?"

He pointed his umbrella accusingly at the little red notebook.

"Do you want it back?" Nabiki said. "I'm nearly finished."

Kuno blinked. "You read it?"

"Did you think I wouldn't?" Nabiki smiled. "After your whole big speech about how true relationships are based on shared intimacies and how people who are dating ought to know each other's thoughts."

"I was mistaken."

"Were you?"

"I never meant to give you that diary. That one is… embarrassing."

Nabiki shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. I found it interesting. But if you want it back, you can have it."

"Thank you." Kuno looked relieved. "By the way, I finished yours."

He handed her back her black book of sales accounts.

"How was it?" Nabiki asked.

"I don't wish to offend you, but it was rather hard to get into. At times, it seemed like I was reading little more than numbers."

:)

THE END

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Author's Note:

Thanks to 10x0r for looking over this story. Twice! Your comments helped me clear up confusion in the earlier drafts and write what I hope is a much clearer piece.

All poetic quotes come courtesy of Shakespeare's sonnets. "For never-resting time leads summer on…" is from Sonnet 5, "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" is from Sonnet 18, and "…Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds…" is from Sonnet 116. That last one is grossly misconstrued by Kuno, I might add. "Bright eyes" and "sweet self" are both from Sonnet 1, and "...Deny that thou bear'st love..." is from Sonnet 10.

By the way, I am no way insinuating that there is any link between poetry and delusions. For the vast majority of people, poetry is quite safe to read.

In Japan, the school year begins in April and concludes in March. High school entrance exams are taken in February (or maybe March; my memory's getting fuzzy) at the high school the junior high students hope to enter. During the testing all the current high school students are dismissed. They don't have to come to school.

This is meant to be a sequel/ prequel to "I Want a Refund!" At the very least, the stories should exist together harmoniously. Sorry that it took so long to write something. After I left my teaching job in Japan, I became busy writing my fantasy novel, which I'm hoping to finish up this summer or fall.