I started writing this after we got the new promos, but before the sneak peek, so it's basically been jossed already. But I was having fun with it, so here it is. There is a bit of naughtiness within, so beware.

I don't own Glee.

Fanfare

"I like my women like I like my coffee – sweet and loaded with booze."

Somewhere on the internet, a list of one hundred best Cooper Anderson quotes is magically updating itself to add that little gem, Blaine thinks with a roll of his eyes. He reaches past his brother and pulls a box of cereal from the cupboard.

"I've got a surprise for you today," Cooper says, abandoning his previous attempt at a deep, meaningful conversation. Blaine tries to smile at him but can't seem to muster it, so he turns and leaves the kitchen, his bowl of cereal sitting on the counter untouched.

When Kurt asks him what is wrong on the ride to school, he says he doesn't want to talk about it. Kurt looks hurt at being shut out, so Blaine clarifies with not yets and after schools and bad mornings until Kurt is placated.

In the hallway after last period they are accosted.

"There's my baby brother!" Cooper says loudly, purposely attracting as much attention as possible as he swoops in for a hug.

"Oh my God, your brother's here!" Kurt exclaims, trying to use his hands to cover his gigantic, ridiculous smile. He cannot, however, hide his bouncing up and down.

"Is this the boyfriend?" Cooper asks. "Blaine, he's adorable." He throws Kurt a flirty wink and he giggles. Kurt freaking giggles.

Blaine grabs his boyfriend by the hand and pulls him towards him. "We've got somewhere to be," he tells Cooper.

"I know. Wait, Blaine, the surprise –" But Blaine ignores him and tugs Kurt down the hall in the direction of their lockers.

"You giggled."

"What?" Kurt lets out another little giggle and Blaine picks up speed, dropping Kurt's hand and clutching the strap of his bag instead. But try as he might, he can't bypass Kurt. Damn his long legs.

"Blaine, honey, what's wrong?"

"I don't know, maybe I was hoping that my boyfriend might be the one other person in the state of Ohio who could look beyond a million bright, sparkling veneers and see what a phony douchebag my brother really is."

"Those aren't his real teeth?"

Blaine throws up his hands and gets the jump on Kurt this time when he stomps off, Kurt following after at a run. "Blaine! Come on, it was just a question."

"You giggled," Blaine repeats. "And bounced. And blushed."

"I didn't..." Kurt sighs. "He's famous and he winked at me. I'm sorry, but that doesn't happen often – an attractive famous guy winking at Kurt Hummel."

Blaine grinds his teeth, trying to keep his mind from jumping to Kurt's possible reaction should attractive, famous guys wink at him in New York, and moves to turn away before he voices those particular thoughts and Kurt gets upset with him. Kurt takes him by the shoulders before he can walk away and turns Blaine to face him.

"When you winked at me I felt like I was going to pass out." He pretends to fix Blaine's cardigan and lowers his voice. "Next time don't forget your jacket, new kid," he says and winks. "Total jelly legs. Much more of a reaction than a mere giggle."

Blaine smiles down at his shoes. "You remember that."

"Are you kidding? It was one of the best moments of my life. I wanted to wrestle you out to my car and fly you to Vegas so I could marry you."

"We couldn't have gotten married. The state of Nevada has a Domestic Partnership Act, but not –"

"Really not the point, Blaine."

"Right. Well, um... I would have gone with you in a heartbeat."

Kurt rolls his eyes and covers Blaine's hand with his. "I promise not to be overcome by his celebrity," he says seriously, and places his other hand over his heart.

"Thank you."

"I will hold him in the same possible contempt in which I hold all other new acquaintances."

Blaine laughs and tugs Kurt's hand from his chest. "Come on, silly. We're going to be late for glee club. We can hit our lockers later."

They are last to arrive at the choir room and Cooper is there waiting for them. He gives Blaine a wave and a smile but motions him to the seats before clapping his hands together and glancing toward Mr. Schuester.

"Okay, guys! As most of you have already noticed, we have a very special guest with us this week! This is Cooper Anderson and he is here to help you all brush up on your acting skills in preparation for Nationals."

Mr. Schue grins as the glee club whoops and hollers and applauds in excitement, Cooper all the while standing at the front and basking in their attentions wearing a cocky smirk. Blaine rolls his eyes.

"What's your problem, Mr. Rogers?" Santana snaps. "Even if you think you're too good for acting lessons, you'd think you'd at least be happy with the delicious eye candy he provides."

Blaine pulls a face and Kurt tries to stifle a laugh but doesn't succeed. "He's my brother," Blaine informs her and everyone turns to stare between Blaine and Cooper and back again.

"And you didn't tell us?" Santana squawks. "That's almost like lying."

"Oh it is not," Kurt says and gives her a glare. "It's almost like none of your business."

"Hey, if he's hiding a super hot, rich and famous older brother, that's totally my business," she says to Kurt before turning to Blaine. "You're a liar, hobbit."

"And you're a lesbian, so why do you even care?"

Santana sits back as if slapped and Blaine cringes internally. Sometimes he wishes he really did have a time machine, and not just to visit his favourite musicians in their primes. He comes back to himself after a moment and Kurt is patting the back of his tightly clenched fist.

"You're a total bitch when you're pissed, babygay. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Enough guys!" Mr. Schue interrupts at long last. "That is no way to behave in front of our guest." He motions for Cooper to take the floor and Blaine stares a hole in the wall behind him, doing his best to block out his brother's ridiculous actinglessons.

As Cooper is striking foolish poses and making a total ass of himself, Kurt lets out a snort of a laugh and turns it into a cough. Blaine looks at him in question. "Rachel is taking notes," he whispers.

Their shoulders shake with silent laughter and Blaine throws Kurt an exaggerated wink. Kurt fakes a swoon, his head landing on Blaine's shoulder. He looks up at Blaine with wide, innocent eyes and flutters his lashes. Blaine can't help but to lean down and give him a kiss.

"Blaine, Kurt – would you guys pay attention, please? We're lucky enough to have your brother here, now show him the respect he deserves."

And that's it. Blaine has had it. Why should he show Cooper any sort of respect when he gets none in return? He's so tired of people putting his brother's feelings and importance above his own; so tired of being treating as though he is the inferior brother and should bow down to Cooper's greatness. All he has done are a bunch of stupid commercials, and suddenly he's this perfect human being who everyone should take cues from? And why? Because he's stupidly handsome and can sing a jingle about credit ratings?

Blaine stands from his chair. As he grabs his messenger bag and slings it around his body, he sees Kurt doing the same in his peripheral vision. "Sorry, Mr. Schuester, but if I want 'acting lessons' from my brother, I'll get them at home."

When they reach the hall, Kurt takes Blaine's shaky hand in his and gives it a gentle squeeze. "You're very convincing in a storm out," he says. "I'm so proud." Blaine looks up into Kurt's face, his eyes sparkling with mischief and his lips quirked just slightly at one corner and soon Blaine is laughing, Kurt along with him.

They've made their way to Kurt's car before they've calmed down enough to speak. "Well, it seems your brother is otherwise occupied, so why don't I take you back to your place and make you feel all better?" Kurt gives him a coquettish flutter of his eyelashes and turns the key in the ignition.

It doesn't take long for Kurt to make good on his promise to make Blaine feel better.

"How come you still have all your clothes on?"

Kurt detaches his mouth from Blaine's inner thigh and looks up. "Because I'm focusing on you."

"Well, the best way to make me feel good is for you to be naked. Just saying. You know, putting it out there."

Kurt mumbles something into Blaine's skin that sounds an awful lot like smartass and Blaine laughs. He chokes on that laughter half a second later when Kurt's mouth sinks down over his cock. "Jesus Christ," he half moans, half chastises. Kurt meets his eyes, looking wicked as he slides his mouth up and down, his cheeks hollowing out deliciously. When he gets back to the top he pulls off with an obscene pop and Blaine whines.

"Do you like watching that, Baby? My lips struggling to stretch over your thick, perfect cock."

Blaine lets out a moan so wanton that he should be embarrassed, but fuck it, Kurt fucking Hummel is saying dirty things and, God, he just sank his mouth back over Blaine's dick again and his tongue is flicking and teasing and it's just so wet and so hot that Blaine can hardly stand it. He bucks forward and Kurt pulls off again, a shiny string of saliva connecting his lips and the glistening head of Blaine's cock. "You didn't answer my question," Kurt says, his voice low and gravelly.

"Yes. Oh, fuck yes." Blaine gasps as Kurt goes back down, working his mouth faster over the head and further down the shaft. Blaine wants more, needs more. He spreads his legs as widely as he can with some of Kurt's weight resting on them, hoping that Kurt will get the hint. He doesn't. Either that or he is in the mood to torture Blaine. "Please," Blaine gasps. "Please Kurt." He wags his legs back and forth, bending his knees and thrusting his ass towards Kurt.

When Kurt slides a slick finger into his body and begins thrusting it in time with his mouth, Blaine throws his head back against the pillows, no longer able to keep his eyes focused on Kurt taking him apart so perfectly. He moans for more, more without any truly coherent thought apart from needing to be filled completely, to be as close to Kurt as physically possible. "Why are you wearing clothes?" he practically cries when Kurt backs away to shed all of his dastardly layers.

"Give me the lube," he says, slapping Kurt's hand away when he reaches for the bottle himself. He begins prepping Kurt's cock with quick, harsh flicks of his wrist, desperate to have Kurt inside his body.

"Condom?"

"No. I want your skin. I want your come."

"But your duvet –"

"Don't care... Just – just pull up the throw. I can put it in the wash." He lifts up to allow Kurt to slide the blanket under his hips and bounces as he drops back down, grabbing Kurt by the ass and pressing him forward. "Oh God, I fucking need you."

Kurt spreads Blaine's legs and slides between them, pushing his knees back towards his chest. He presses against Blaine's hole and Blaine takes a deep breath in anticipation.

"There's no condom on his dick," says a voice from the doorway.

"Oh my – Cooper! Get the fuck out of my room!" Blaine bolts upright, knocking his head against Kurt's chest as Kurt flails around, trying to pull the blankets out from under them.

"Well I was gonna turn around and leave, until I noticed that you were about to have unprotected sex."

"It's not –" Blaine splutters, Kurt still focused resolutely on his task of getting to the blankets and covering their nudity. "We've never been with anyone but each other and it's not like either of us can get pregnant!" Blaine all but yells. Kurt lets out a triumphant squawk, finally unearthing enough of the duvet to cover them from torso to mid-thigh.

"You're sure about that?" Blaine gives his brother an exasperated look. "Fine, then. As long as you are." Cooper backs out of Blaine's bedroom, pulling the door slowly closed behind him. "Carry on." He gives them a cheeky wink and a thumbs up and he is gone.

Blaine lies there for a moment, eyes squeezed shut and shaking his head before pulling Kurt back over him and pressing their mouths together.

"Blaine, what are you doing?"

"Carrying on?"

Kurt sits back on his heels, wagging a finger in Blaine's face. "Uh uh, no way. Not when I feel like he might pop back in here at any given moment and give us notes on our technique." Kurt cocks one hip and grins showing all of his teeth. "You call that a moan? Come on now, you've got to roll into a pose." He rolls his hips in a half circle and winks at Blaine. "See? Just like that. And again... and one more."

Blaine jokingly knocks Kurt off of him and rolls onto his side, pulling a pillow from under his head to muffle his laughter. "I told you he was a douchebag."

Kurt sits and considers before lying next to Blaine and stealing his pillow to prop his head up. "Maybe in his own weird, creepy way – creepy in that he was looking at my dick – maybe he was trying to protect you. You know, be a big brother and all that entails."

"He told us to 'carry on'."

"Right... that was disturbing –"

"And he was examining your dick looking for a condom. That had to have taken at least a few seconds."

"Fine, he's a weirdo. There is no excuse that would ever make that okay."

"Not really, no."

~0~

"So, did ya have fun?" Cooper asks when Blaine ventures downstairs to get something to drink.

"No, Cooper. You kind of killed the mood."

"Aw, don't sweat it. Mom and Dad are hardly ever here so it's not like you won't get a ton more chances once I'm gone. You're so lucky. They were always hanging around when I lived here. I had to do it in the back of the Volvo. Not fun."

Blaine grinds his teeth, trying to keep it in, telling himself that in a few days Cooper will be gone again to his perfect life and won't be around to rub it in Blaine's face. His fame, his looks, his charm, Mom and Dad, and even the fact that it was safe for him to have sex in the back of the goddamned Volvo. Even that he takes for granted! Blaine wants to scream at him that he could quite possibly be beaten to fucking death for trying to have sex in the Volvo up at the point or in any of the other usual spots where careless teens go to fool around.

"B? What is it? You look about ready to smash something."

Blaine shakes his head but Cooper keeps prodding, asking what it is, what's bugging him. "You think I'm lucky?" he finally answers with a sneer. "How exactly? Lucky enough to be in this hick town where I can't even show my boyfriend affection in public, let alone have sex in a damn car. Or maybe the fact that my own family doesn't give a shit about me and are never around?"

Cooper looks taken aback. He sets his mug of coffee down on the counter and takes a step toward his brother. "What? Blaine. I do. I give a shit."

Blaine scoffs. "Yeah, it's really obvious by how often you call and visit."

"I'm... I didn't think you wanted me to visit. You don't really seem to like me all that much... anymore."

He looks so damn sad that Blaine feels terrible. Maybe it's his own fault that Cooper never calls him and he hadn't seen him in nearly a year. "I'm just so... God. I'm jealous of you, Cooper."

Cooper smiles with all of his stupid teeth again and Blaine feels a whole lot less guilty. "Right, because of the fame thing? Not to worry little bro, you'll be famous some day, too. It's inevitable."

Blaine rolls his eyes. "I don't care about that. It's just that it's so easy for you. Everyone just automatically loves you. Even with Mom and Dad –"

"Mom and Dad love you, Blaine."

"No they don't. They can barely stand to look at me – the gay son. After Dad's failed attempts at turning me straight, they don't even bother anymore."

"Well, it's their loss, because you're awesome."

Blaine lets out a bitter laugh.

"Is it really that bad? Because you can come and live with me in California. I'll even find you an agent – you're gonna need one of those."

"I can't, Coop. I –"

"Because of Kurt, right? Say no more. He should come too. I'll set you up in a room far from mine, though. Don't want any mishaps like today." Cooper waggles his eyebrows and gives Blaine a wolfish grin.

"We're going to New York," Blaine tells him. "I know it didn't work out for you, but we've got our hearts set on it."

"Terrible place, New York. But if you've got to try... If you end up hating it my offer still stands. I can get you guys some auditions."

"I, um... Thanks, Cooper. I'll keep it in mind, okay?"

"You do that. And, B? I do love you. Even if I'm never around."

"Okay." Blaine nods once and shrugs his shoulders. He's used to his family pretending to care without any real feeling behind their declarations.

"You don't believe me? Look, I've got... C'mere." He pulls Blaine over and takes a shiny cell phone from his pocket. "I scanned a bunch of old photos. Look."

Smiling up from the screen of Cooper's phone is 4 year old Blaine, all wild curls and huge eyes. He flicks to the next image – a young Cooper holding Blaine as an infant, smile wide and proud as Blaine drools on his shoulder. The next shot is Blaine after a community production of Peter Pan.

"I show that to everyone," Cooper says, smiling down at his phone. "I tell them, that's Blaine Anderson, my baby brother. And if you think I'm good, wait until you get a load of him. He's gonna win Tonys and Grammys. He got the talent in our family."

"Cooper –"

"It's true, Blaine. I know it and you know it, and in a few years everyone else is gonna know it, too."

"Thanks, Coop. For saying that."

"Give your brother a hug?"

"I think it's a little too soon for that, Cooper."

"Because of the sex thing?"

"Because of the sex thing."

"Ah, don't be embarrassed about that, B." He pauses for a moment, clicking out of the photos on his phone and sliding it back into the pocket of his jeans. "So... you were just gonna go for it, huh?"

"Cooper!"

"What? I'm your brother. Who else are you gonna talk to about getting ploughed by your boyfriend?"

"Other than my boyfriend? No one."

"I'll tell you about anything... The last girl I slept with, she was a gymnast, if you get what I'm saying." Cooper waggles his eyebrows before spreading his arms to wrap Blaine in a hug. Blaine tries to duck under Cooper's arm, but he catches him around the shoulders and reels him into his embrace. "So if the Big Apple doesn't work out promise to call me, okay? You guys will always have a place to stay and wicked parties to go to. Tell Kurt."

"Tell Kurt what?" Kurt asks, wandering into the kitchen.

"Kurt! Cooper invited us to stay with him in LA if we change our minds about New York."

"Hollywood, huh? I'm a Broadway baby, but I think I could handle that."

"You'd fit right in," Cooper tells him with a grin.

"I'll have you know, Cooper Anderson, that I 'fit in' nowhere. I am far too fabulous."

Cooper laughs and pokes Blaine in the side. "That one's a keeper," he says.

"Oh believe me, I know."

"And I've got the gum wrapper ring to prove it," Kurt says.

"Gum wrapper ring? No way. Blaine, you're coming out to visit me and I will take you to a jeweller and you will get this boy a proper ring –"

"I know, I know! I plan on replacing it when I can –"

"You are not replacing anything. That ring is one of my most prized possessions. You will pry it from my cold, dead hands, Andersons."

Blaine smiles. "Definitely a keeper."