AN: Hey guys! This was supposed to be longer, but I felt that the end I wanted it to give, while it still fits in with the title, didn't fit in with the content, so a considerable amount was cut. It will be in the next chapter, however, so you guys aren't missing out on anything.

With Mass Effect 1 is starting to come to a close and as I prep for Mass Effect 2, I just wanted to say thanks. You've been extremely supportive and patient in this endeavor and I'm very appreciative of it.

Until next time, thanks for reading

What We Are Willing To Do

Joker glanced over at the clock that hung in the corner of the Normandy's bridge display.

25:21, Standard Galactic Time.

Shepard had been in the comm room for almost ten minutes with the Council. That was eight minutes longer than he had expected, nine considering she hadn't started swearing yet, and nine minutes and thirty seconds seeing how her voice was still at an acceptable level for the prissy members of Council. He spun his chair around, getting a clear view of the CIC. A small group of the crew had formed near the comm room, split into two small groups on either side of the partition, all listening in on her conversation. Sure, it probably wasn't the best course of action, especially if she caught all of them out there, though they didn't seem to care.

He turned back to the monitor. They had lost Ashley only an hour before, left behind to die in the blast if she survived the geth long enough. Not that he blamed the commander for her death, it was just difficult. Ash had been there laughing it up with him only earlier that day and now she was nothing more than space dust. And Shepard had made the call. Hell, he had no idea if he could have made the same one.

Shit, Kaidan had stopped her from going back when she had a change of heart and she socked him right in the face. Good on him for doing so, because they would have lost the Commander too, but still…

Joker looked over his shoulder at the whispering group. If she was so willing to put Kaidan in his place when the sexual tension was so thick between them that he was surprised they hadn't jumped one another yet, the nosier bunch of the crew didn't stand a chance against her rage.

"Damn it, you aren't listening to me!"

Joker's attention was pulled to the cockpit's sound system, though he couldn't tell if he was hearing it from the console or her actual voice from the comm room. He looked at the clock again.

25:24. Thirteen minutes. Not bad, all considering.

"Commander Shepard, what you're asking of us isn't that simple."

The asari councilor. It was hard to mistake the sound of her voice. She was usually the one calming down either the turian councilor or Shepard, most of the time it was the both of them.

"How can this be complicated? Saren is about to fuck all of you over, and you're going to bend over and let him!"

"Don't you dare speak to the Council in that manner! You will remember your place, human!"

The turian councilor. He would know that asshole anywhere. Always the first to play the race card, and the last to admit he was wrong. Joker hoped that Shepard got the chance one day to punch that guy in the face and that he was there to record it.

"Remember yours!" Shepard barked, Joker now getting an echo effect as her voice was coming from the console and muffled behind him. He heard something break and hoped it wasn't anything too important. They'd have to rely on Alliance funding to fix whatever it was with the way the Commander was going. "You are the voices for your entire race! By not acting on this threat, you are dooming them all! You cannot ignore Ilos and its significance."

"Commander, we recognize that Saren is a threat that needs to be stopped, but we cannot give you the man power to go trekking off into the Terminus systems to fight a myth."

And finally the salarian councilor, the guy who played both sides. Joker wasn't sure how he felt about him, seeing how he had a habit of qualifying everything so he didn't step on any toes.

"The Reapers are not a myth! Damn it, I've seen them!"

"These machines of legend only exist in your visions!"

"Like hell they do!" Her voice carried past the heavy doors, clear enough to be heard anywhere on the floor, even from where he sat in the cockpit. "I had to leave behind one of the finest soldiers I had the honor of serving with to die today. I did not do that for the sake of some damned vision, and I did not do it to—"

"You're inadequacies as a leader are not something to be blamed on the Council, Commander! The deaths that you have suffered to your crew are yours to bear and yours alone." Joker looked down at his hand, knuckles white from gripping the arm of his chair. He relaxed, watching the color slowly fade back. He spun around, watching the crew. There were more than a few clenched fists in the group, one guy was actually being held back by two of his buddies. They were loyal to her, if nothing else, many of them ready to take a bullet if it came down to it. Or a scathing rant from her because they burst in to defend her honor, as the case may be.

The entirety of the deck fell silent; waiting for the biting remark that they were all so sure was coming. Shepard seemed to develop a more barbed tongue the more pissed off she got, and there was usually a fifty-fifty shot of her becoming more eloquent with her words or her vocabulary plummeting to a handful of colorful swears.

"Yes, councilor."

"Report to the Citadel, commander. We can talk about this more when you return. And while you may not feel like this is in order, you did a good thing on Virmire. Saren will not soon recover from it."

An unbearable hush followed the end of the call, people shuffling back to their posts, none of them eager to tempt fate.

Joker faced the display and started inputting the coordinates for the Citadel, feeling the ship bank towards starboard. God he loved that feeling. The motion dampeners did their job and dulled the effect he felt in the cockpit, but there were days where he wanted to turn them off, to feel every twist and turn of the ship in zero-G. The rest of the crew may not be so up for it, but he knew there wasn't a feeling in the world that could beat it. Excluding the obvious, it was one of the many reasons why he loved piloting and why he wouldn't stop until they had to pry his dead body from the seat.

He hadn't heard Shepard come up behind him until her arm rested on the back of his seat, finger tapping the brim of his hat. He jumped, hand sliding across the console.

"Shit commander, you shouldn't sneak up on people like that!" He adjusted his cap and quickly swiped away the random error messages that had popped up, grumbling. He jerked a hand towards the nose of the ship. "Especially your pilot. I could have sent us hurtling into space with the push of a button and then where would we be?"

"Wouldn't that be something? To have come all this way just to be lost to space." She chuckled, but it was a flat sound. Joker grimaced.

It was quiet, the weight on the back of his chair shifting slightly. He hoped she wasn't waiting for him to say something inspirational. The big chest pounding ooh-rah speeches were her job. He just flew the ship.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, something I can help you with Commander?"

"You have the Normandy pointed towards the Widow System?"

"That's the plan, unless you want to take a detour to a nice sandy beach somewhere."

"A beach?" There was a trace of a grin somewhere in her voice.

"Sure. One change in the coordinates and we could go take an unscheduled shore leave for a day or two. Blame it on low fuel or something, so we had to stop."

"Will there be coconuts?"

"What do you think we refueled the ship with?"

It pulled a laugh out of her. "So coconuts are an alternative fuel source now? I'm sure that councilor with the stick up his ass would love that one." The weight disappeared from behind him, and she moved more into his line of sight. "Nice flying today."

"Thanks Commander, but there's no need to say it." He pulled the brim of his hat tighter to his face. The conversation had made an abrupt turn towards awkward. It may have been reminiscent of their usual post-mission chats, and he liked his title of the being best helmsman in the Alliance to be reaffirmed as much as the next guy, but Joker couldn't shake the feeling that it was forced. He didn't want her to try and make small talk right now, trying to maintain that feeling of normality. He didn't want the illusion if things were anything but.

"It's still good to hear a 'job well done' once in a while." She nudged his seat with her foot. He looked up expecting to meet a pair of sad eyes staring back, but her gaze was fixed on the portside window, glittering stars noiselessly passed by. The long pause made an already uncomfortable situation even more so, and his damn legs made it nearly impossible to make a hasty getaway. There was nothing tactful about hobbling.

"You really think there's a God out there?"

He did a double take. "Um, what?"

She was quiet before shaking her head. "Never mind." She moved away, giving a small wave behind her. "I'll be in my quarters. Nothing gets through unless it's on the priority channel."

"Aye aye, ma'am."

He knew it wouldn't take her more than ten seconds to pass the main display of the CIC due to her long stride, but he gave it an extra eight seconds before he chanced a peek around his chair. He collapsed back into his chair with a heavy sigh when she wasn't there.

That was random. What was up with the sudden curiosity if God existed or not? And why ask him? The guy who, if there was in fact some sort of higher being, was most likely its idea of a hilarious joke? The pilot who could snap a bone if he sneezed the wrong way? She was barking up the wrong tree.

He reached forward and pulled up a comm link, absently scratching at his beard. "Maybe Ash could…" He froze .

No, she couldn't.

Tapping the link closed, he pulled his cap off and tossed it on the console, dragging his hands over his face.

/ - /

Mrs. Williams,

I regret to inform you that your daughter, Ashley Williams, was killed in action today.

System readouts silently scrolled across the screen, though Tali wasn't seeing them, not really. Other things had grabbed her attention, like the fact that the ship was quiet, more so than usual. She could hear the soft creaking of metal, the hum of the drive core, but the sounds that normally faded into the background seemed hushed to the point where she would notice them. It was like the Normandy had lost her will to keep up her day to day sounds that made it obvious it was a well run ship.

Tali set down the datapad and sat herself in a corner of the ship, leaning her head back and lightly running a hand over the sleek metal. She whispered quietly, her thoughts heard by only her and the ship.

"It's okay. I miss her too."

Message deleted

Mrs. Williams,

Today I had a decision to make, and unfortunately, that decision cost your daughter her life.

Garrus worked diligently trying to find something wrong with the MAKO, but for once, there wasn't anything. No bent plates, no broken screens. The axles were aligned, the shelves stocked. There was nothing to keep his hands and mind busy. He tightly gripped the frame of the door, peering into the dark canopy of the tank.

It didn't feel real.

Garrus suddenly felt a strong hand clap him on the shoulder and he turned to see Wrex, pistol in the other hand. He pushed himself away from the vehicle just as Wrex launched a round into the closest tire, the air angrily hissing out from its confines, the MAKO listing forward. He walked around and shot the other five tires. He head butted the left flank, leaving a rather sizable dent in the metal and finished his destruction off by breaking the clear alloy that served as the viewport in the front, taking up his normal stance against the back end of the MAKO.

Dumbfounded, Garrus surveyed the damage and added up the hours of work that lay ahead of him, slowly shaking his head. He gently laughed, picking up a wrench.

"Crazy ass krogan."

Message deleted

Mrs. Williams,

I fucked up.

Liara lay in her bed, lights dimmed so that she could barely see the faint outline of her hand in front of her face. A dull ache persisted in her head, constantly reminding her that she still had a job to do, pounding head or no. She pulled herself up, bare feet touching the cool floor as she crossed over to her desk. She was about to sit when a black, leather bound book caught her eye.

"I had almost forgotten about this." She said softly, leafing through the delicately thin pages. She opened the front cover, ghosting her fingers over a handwritten message. Ashley had such wonderful penmanship.

Liara, You had mentioned that you don't understand much about human religion, and honestly, I don't either. We have dozens of religions, each with its own moral code and guidelines. While the differences have caused conflicts in the past, it's been shown that despite how starkly different each is, there's always one similar idea: Faith.

Keep that in mind when you get the chance to look through it, and if you have any questions, you know where I am.

Your friend, Ash

Liara clutched the book to her, closing her eyes.

Message deleted

Shepard dropped her head into her hands. Letters of condolence had never been this difficult before.

She groaned, letting her head slip through her hands and onto the desk, arms resting on the surface. It wasn't like she didn't know how to write one. She had had the unfortunate luck to have written a few in past years, some of them not even being her place to do so. As the circumstances were, she happened to know the fallen soldier better than the commanding officer did, and it was only in good taste that the letter telling the family that their son or daughter, husband, wife had died in service to the Alliance be as heartfelt as one could manage.

And as cynical as it was, a military death was so much easier when the soldier didn't have a family. No people to die for, no people to live for either. He or she would get a quick funeral service. A few friends would show up, the squad leader and the CO, maybe a couple others. Words would be said, stories shared, and they would see the dearly departed off. No complications. No sobbing loved ones. No obligations.

But Ashley did have people she lived for. A mother and three younger sisters, an unrequited love thrown in there somewhere. A pang of guilt stabbed into her gut and settled there like a rock.

"I might as well have put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger." She said to the floor and then suddenly pushed herself up, pulling her hands over her face.

No. She couldn't fall into that trap. The endless cycle of guilt and wishing for things to be different was a dangerous one to get caught up in. And as much as Shepard felt like she was responsible for Ashley's death, she wasn't, not really. She sighed.

It would take a little to convince herself.

Shepard leaned back in her chair, eyeing the screen, fingers absently tracing the marks Saren had ever so kindly left on her neck. A letter seemed beneath Ash, and her family deserved better. She could make a couple of calls, get the family to a comm station and speak to them face to face, deliver the news that way. Dread danced a deadly tango with guilt in her stomach at the notion of it. Staring into the eyes of a grief stricken mother wasn't something she looked forward to.

She'd lost people before, been the cause for civilian casualties, but this death hurt more than the others. She wished she didn't even have to make this decision. Not for Ashley.

Tears pricked her eyes. Shepard tried to snuff them out, furiously wiping them away. She'd cry eventually, she knew she would, but she couldn't afford the flood gates to break and she needed a clear head now more than ever. She took a shaky breath. There was the Council to deal with, a war to stop, a turian to kill, an entire galaxy full of people and lives that hung in the balance. She didn't have the luxury of being able to take time for herself, not with her mission set so precariously on edge, not with her crew dangling over the same chasm. There would be time for grief later. She forced them down, swallowing hard.

But they were persistent and in spite of her attempts fell past her hands and onto her cheeks. It pissed her off and she took it out on her chair, violently kicking it out of her way. Anger, fast burning and short lived, quickly faded away, leaving her with the suffocating feeling of emptiness that writhed in her chest. She took a few steps towards her bunk, maybe to try and sleep it off, maybe to cry into her pillow, she didn't know. She felt the edge of the so-called mattress—the thing had as much give to it as a rock did—nudge the back of her legs like a dog.

I'm here. You aren't alone.

But she knew she was, or she at least chose to be. She didn't want anyone seeing her like this.

Shepard lowered herself to the floor, back pressed to the bed. Sleep was the last thing she wanted, despite her aching muscles that said otherwise. She was too afraid of what she might find if she tried. Knees tucked tight to her chest, she buried her face into her arms just as the first sob wracked her body.

/ - /

Shepard hadn't bothered checking if the coast was clear when she left the washroom, head slightly tilted back with a cold cloth draped across her face trying to ease her red eyes. She had to face the Council in a few hours, and she would be damned if she showed up looking anything less than her best. No need to fuel them any more ammunition against her sanity that they loved to call into question. When she heard muffled voices, she froze, her steps pulling her back around the corner.

"Just take care. I don't want to see you back in my med-bay for quite some time, Lieutenant." Stern but a hint of warm concern, as was Dr. Chakwas' way.

"I'll try to make it less of a habit, Doc. Thanks for patching me up."

Shepard swallowed. He would be out within seconds and if he saw her, he would want to talk. Talk about Virmire. Talk about Ashley. Talk about them. None of which were open for discussion. All of her emotions were too close to the surface, and she knew she wouldn't be able to get a handle on them. Facing Kaidan would mean playing a messy game of roulette with whatever feeling felt like firing off first, and the last thing she wanted to do was punch him in the face. Again.

The doors slid open and she prepared to make a break for the top deck when she put on the brakes, throwing her back to the wall, harshly chiding herself. What was she doing? Trying to duck and cover before the hailstorm hit, with a white flag trailing behind… If she could run headlong into enemy fire with little more than a thought of which asshole she was going to tear through first, then nonchalantly walking around the corner and striking up a conversation shouldn't even be on her list of problems.

She ducked back into the head and tossed the washcloth on the sink, drying her hands on her pants stepping out from behind the cover of the wall, putting on the best unperturbed face she could manage and pushed the turmoil as far down as she could. Feeling herself being slowly backed into a corner by the Council had agitated the waters, and she despised feeling like she had no control. Taking her frustration out on Kaidan, in whatever form it felt like manifesting in, would just add more fuel to the fires.

There were still a few hours left to the night shift, so most of the crew were tucked away in their bunks. It left the mess empty save for one. Kaidan stood hunched at the small kitchen, arms supporting his weight on the counter and favoring his left side, fingers loosely intertwined around a mug. His eyes were closed to the outside world, silhouettes of steam twisting up from the cup towards his face; head dropped low by what she could only assume was the weight of everything they were facing having suddenly crashed onto his shoulders. His brow twitched and she wondered if it was from a migraine clawing its way through his head.

Shepard soundlessly paced up to him and positioned herself beside him, reaching to grab a mug. Kaidan reanimated and gently pushed a cup towards her, a deep brown coffee rippling against the motion. His eyes remained fixed in front of him.

"Figured you would want some."

She graciously took it, wrapping her hands around the warmth of the ceramic, blowing away the wisps that lazily drifted about, trying to ignore how much it bothered her that he wouldn't look at her. She situated her back against the counter. "Thanks."

They stood in silence, the ship's hull creaking occasionally as it expanded slightly and contracted again in the sub-zero temperatures. There was some dulled chatter coming from the upper deck, though it intermingled with the natural hum of the ship that was constantly present. Shepard became aware of it all at once, and as restless as the ship was, the seemingly physical quiet was making her stir crazy. She had to stop her foot from tapping, tried not to trace nonsensical lines on the smooth surface of the mug. She opted to sip at her coffee. It was black, but she didn't care to add anything to it.

"I'm sorry."

The soft words pulled her gaze to him and found herself meeting questioning, remorseful eyes. It took everything she had not to look away. She didn't want him painting her in that sort of light, that she was free from blame.

"I'm sorry," he said with more strength, straightening and fully facing her. "My actions and lack thereof forced you to make a decision that—"

Shepard let out a sigh and set her cup down with a clunk. She hated the formality of his voice. "No. Don't go down this road Kaidan."

He frowned. "All I'm saying is that I accept responsibility for not being able to adequately carry out my orders. My failure to properly protect our objective cost us dearly."

She jabbed his chest. "And I'm saying that you can't pile on the blame like that. You cannot believe that everything hinged on your position and that a laundry list of variables that we had no way of knowing was your responsibility to predict. It's insane to think that." She tried to keep the edge out of her voice.

"Then who do we blame?" he asked, almost accusingly. "Where did it all go wrong? Who takes the fall?"

Frustration that couldn't find purchase earlier in her quarters found solid ground to stand on. "How the hell am I supposed to know?" She snapped, instantly regretting having done so. She ran her hands over her face, with a quiet groan, now frustrated with herself more than anything. She exhaled sharply.

"The vastness of our situation eluded us until recently. Saren was always the known threat, sure, but the real danger was the shadow that loomed behind him, the one we never realized was there. Sovereign, this reaper, is vigilant and silent and has always been pulling the strings. But it was always obscured by lies or things we just can't understand, and because of it, we underestimated the enemy." Her eyes found his again. "I underestimated the enemy. This damned thing has always been bigger than we knew, and now that we see it for all that it is, hindsight is truly a resentful bitch."

She pulled at her lip with her teeth, looking ahead at the small row of lockers that stood on the opposite wall and loosely folding her arms. "So the question of the century is exactly that: where did it all go wrong? Who or what becomes our convenient fall guy?" She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe it's all of us, or maybe it's none of us. We just don't know, and the lines are too blurred to be able to bring the brunt of the hammer down on any one person."

She looked into his face and could see the wheels turning in his head as she firmly held his gaze. "We did the best we knew how to do, fought with every ounce of training we've ever had. There wasn't some secret weapon we were holding out on or some force of well-armed men that were twiddling their thumbs waiting for deployment. We were stretched as thin as we could be without breaking, and being dealt a lousy hand of cards, we did what we could with them."

Hearing the words said aloud, she found she could almost believe them to be true. Maybe there were some things, some instances in life that no matter how much she pushed and pulled, pounded her fists, swore and shot at it, there wasn't going to be any sway to it. She didn't like it.

A faint, ghost of a smile, though guarded, found its way to his face. "That's not the first time you've used a poker reference."

"I know my way around the cards. If you would stop missing poker night, then maybe…" her words trailed off, eyes growing wide. "My god, your face…" Shepard had no idea how she had missed the large bruise on his jaw, one slightly smaller than what a clenched fist would be, purple and blue and all sorts of horrible. Her face contorted with concern, her hand unconsciously moved up to his jaw, rough stubble and heat meeting her fingers. "Shit, I didn't break it, did I?"

He chuckled softly. "It's no worse for wear. Though I will say you have a mean hook."

"And that's my off hand." She grimaced. "I'm sorry Kaidan. Things were crazy and I'm sure I was operating with far below the proper oxygen levels that one should thanks to Saren. The adrenaline was going and I just wanted to—"

"You wanted to save Ash and I stood in the way."

She blinked twice, once when she noticed where exactly her hand was and pulled it back, the second when the sadness of his words sunk in.

She tilted her head sympathetically. "Of course I wanted to save Ashley. I wanted to save the both of you, with everything that I had. But there wasn't enough time, and so I made a choice."

Kaidan shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose. He spoke to the floor. "But why? Why choose me? I know how close you two were."

"You know as well as I do that when it comes down to the wire, personal feelings can't come into play. That's when the real mistakes start being made. I assure you they didn't. I chose you because you were with the bomb, and the bomb had to go off. That's it."

He was quiet, and she could almost hear the gears clicking in his head. There was a deep breath.

"And if Ashley had been with the bomb?"

She touched a hand to his arm, warmth beneath her fingertips, the physical contact making him meet her eyes. She spoke concisely, emphasizing the words that mattered. "I would have chosen her. Kaidan, I have no illusions about what happened. It isn't something we can discuss over coffee and put in the past, but we also have things that need our full attention right now. I need you to have your head clear and focused for the final stretch. Can you do that?"

The seconds dragged on as her words found purchase in whatever thoughts were so visibly racing through his head. Their eyes never left the other. Then Kaidan slowly nodded. "Yeah. I can do that."

Shepard exhaled, the tension easing out of her shoulders. She didn't know if they were out of the forest yet, but for now at least they weren't fumbling around in the dark. One hurdle at a time. She could live with that.

"Commander, I—" The quiet voice startled them both, and she and Kaidan looked up at Liara who had appeared from her room, arm full of data pads that she was working on not dropping. She gave the impression of being particularly flustered, more so than usual, a thousand thoughts bumping into one another. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

Shepard cleared her throat, eyes quickly darting up to Kaidan before crossing over to help relieve the scientist of her burden. "Nothing that can't be put on hold for a moment." Shepard chuckled, catching a device as it sprung free from her arms. "This is quite the collection you have here Liara."

"This is just some of my research, Commander." She explained, shifting her grip to better cradle the load of information. Shepard wanted to laugh. What Liara saw as just a fraction of her work would amount to a lifetime of studies to some human researchers. "When our minds melded, I saw a planet that I knew I recognized from my studies, a place that is just as much a legend as the Protheans themselves. Ilos."

"Ilos?" Shepard shook her head, reading the content that was in her hand. Something about the effects of supernovas on the mass relays and how the dust could eventually envelope the relay, effectively blocking it from any sort of scanner… her head snapped up when it clicked. "The Conduit is on Ilos."

"It took me some time to check the facts, but as long as the beacon hasn't left out any pertinent information, then yes, I'm certain it is where Saren is directing his armies."

"Certain enough to convince the Council that there's probable cause to go?" She didn't attempt to hide the rush of hope. This was exactly the push they needed.

"Positive."

Shepard turned to Kaidan, eyes asking more questions than the one that fell from her lips. Under the intense brown eyes that stared at her, Shepard suddenly became aware of the immense amount of uncertainty that stood between them. It made her hesitate, but she bypassed it, filing it away with everything else that wasn't her top priority. "Are we good?"

He nodded, taking his coffee back in hand. "We're good."

Shepard linked her arm with Liara's and pulled her towards her quarters, a renewed vigor in her step. "Then we have some work to do."

/ - /

The elevator ascended into the tower, the Presidium disappearing behind a wall of grey. Shepard did a final check of her armor, fixing the same buckles and straps she had been messing with since she stepped off the Normandy. She had half a mind to walk into the Council chambers in her Alliance dress blues, chest gleaming with every medal she had ever been awarded. It would be the one occasion she wouldn't mind bragging about the story behind each one, anything to bring some validity to what she had to say, but she knew the Council wouldn't care whether she was flying Alliance or Spectre colors. She could have shown up in civvies and they would still give her the same bullshit song and dance.

Upon reaching the top of the tower, she strode past the fountain and up the forty-three steps that lead to the Councilors, six eyes staring her down from above as she stood on the Petitioner's stage, Udina and Anderson flanking her on either side. She kept her shoulders square, jaw set and eyes level. She was there to win.

"Commander, I hardly believe your entire crew needs to be present for this hearing."

Shepard turned her head enough to view her squad behind her, each with straight spines, the lowlight giving their armor a soft glow. She shrugged, lips twitching trying to keep a smirk down. "This is just my ground team. If you want the other sixty-two crew members of the Normandy to testify, they're currently on stand-by. I can have them here in under five minutes."

The turian councilor's mandibles twitched as she defiantly locked eyes with him, daring him to tell her otherwise. He released a tense sigh. "That won't be necessary Commander. Nevertheless, it is also not necessary for—"

"Spectre Code, Section Two, Clause Five. A spectre may bring forth any and all parties that he or she believes to pertain to a case."

She could see the fuse light on the turian's temper and she waited for the explosion, though was thoroughly surprised when he didn't fight back. The asari councilor decisively cleared her throat.

"Ambassador Udina tells us that you've come to attempt to sway our decision. While admirable that you are so devoted to your cause, Commander, there is nothing that you can say that will change our minds."

"Councilor, with all due respect, not going directly after Saren is a mistake. Doctor T'Soni has solid evidence that the Conduit is on Ilos, and if the Council were to act proactively instead of reactively, we could prevent any lives from being lost before Saren has the opportunity to take them."

"Evidence, you say? So we know what the Conduit is? What it does?"

Shepard shook her head, "Not exactly, but if you would just—"

The salarian councilor sighed. "Then this matter has already been discussed and laid to rest. We cannot send in the strength of our fleets into the Terminus system without probable cause."

She slowly exhaled. She knew when she was facing down an opponent that was just as headstrong as she was. In most cases she would come out on top, but the Council was the Council, and where they didn't have sense, they had power.

"This is probable cause. Please, just listen to what Doctor T'Soni has to say. It will be enough to convince you that you must pursue Saren."

"That remains to be seen, Commander. You do realize that what you're asking us to do is to risk war with the Terminus without fully knowing what lies on Ilos, yes? If Saren is jaded enough to believe that he can take the Citadel, then let him try. He will face the full force of the station's fleets and will fall beneath their firepower."

Shepard lightly bit her cheek, fingers impatiently tapping against her thigh. Saren wasn't the real threat. It was clear that the Council denied the reapers existence, which was all fine and dandy, but while she still had a glimmer of a chance to get out into Terminus space, she couldn't mention Sovereign.

"Then don't send the fleet. The Normandy is ready to fly. Her stealth systems will ensure that we remain undetected and the crew is well versed in high-risk mission such as this. We can be in and out of the system before any scanner has the chance to pick up on our signature." She had wanted each person of her team testify, explain to the council that what they were facing was more than what they were willing to see, but the chance for that had come and gone.

The turian councilor barked a harsh laugh before narrowing his eyes at her. "And how do you plan on dealing with Saren if he is such an imminent threat? I would hope you know that while your ship may be invisible to them, every scanner in the sector will go off if you decide to detonate a bomb on his ship."

She involuntarily flinched. "While you may not agree with my resolutions, you have to admit that it was innovative concerning the circumstances that we faced."

"We read your report. Do not mistake innovative with primitive. If a nuclear bomb was the best solution you could come up with, then perhaps humanity wasn't as ready for this honor as we were lead to believe."

She snapped, taking a step forward. "Dammit, instead of backhanding us every chance you get, let us show you otherwise! We can be more intelligent than any salarian, more diplomatic than any asari, and sure as hell we are more headstrong than the turians. But the council has had its head stuck so far up its ass that none of you can see that there's more to humanity than your fucking misconceptions!" Somewhere in the back of her head she realized that she was only living up to one of those statements, but she couldn't care less.

Udina stepped in front of her and roughly pushed her back. She looked at him, appalled and slightly impressed that he had the balls to do so, staying the instinct that told her to drag her fist across his face. "That is enough, Commander! Stand down or I will have you relieved of your position for disorderly conduct!"

Their eyes met for the briefest of moments, and of all the things Udina was, she could see that he wasn't a liar…well, not right now at least. He'd have her on a shuttle for Earth in a heartbeat if she gave him a reason. Shepard dipped her head in a silent apology, teeth digging into her bottom lip out of frustration. She had stepped over that line. Meeting the gaze of each councilor, she could have sworn that there was sympathy hidden behind the guise of the asari councilor, or maybe it was pity. She waited for the hammer to fall.

"Commander, I will ask you this once: Are you willing to stand down and accept the ruling of the Council?"

Shepard held her chin high. "No."

"Then you leave us no choice." She motioned to Udina. "Ambassador, this is your order to give."

"Commander Shepard, by the authority of the Alliance, the Normandy and her crew shall be grounded until further notice. You ship will be impounded and all travel from the Citadel will be prohibited for your entire crew."

"What? You can't do that!" She spun around to Anderson. "Sir, tell me he can't do that."

From her team that had been silent during the debacle Kaidan spoke up, his voice uncharacteristically solemn. "He was appointed by the Systems Alliance to serve as humanity's representative here on the Citadel. He has been given the right to make decisions that he sees fit for the benefit of our entire race. Those that he can't make on his own, he brings it to the Parliament's attention, and they can clear or deny any request. So technically, yes. He can."

She felt a tap on her shoulder and was handed an OSD. "There you will find your orders from Alliance Command." She opened her mouth to protest the absurdity of locking her out of her ship, but the ambassador's tone made her think twice about digging her hole any deeper. "These terms are non-negotiable Commander."

She swallowed. It did nothing to alleviate her dry throat. She had no choice but to give in. "I…yes, sir."

Udina looked her up and down on last time and turned to the Council, a smug grin wrinkling his face. His entire person emitted victory. "Then you are dismissed, Commander."

Her crew parted down the middle, understanding the look she gave them as she passed.

Don't say a thing.

One by one, they followed her back down the forty-three steps and were silent until the elevator slowed to a stop. They filed out into the Presidium. Wrex was the first to speak.

"So, what's next? We knocking some heads together? Because I still have a few contacts left in the wards. We can really give those bastards what's coming to them."

Garrus crossed his arms over his armor, giving a light shrug. "For once, Wrex has the right idea."

"Damn right I'm right."

Garrus shook his head, ignoring the krogan. "We can't just sit here and wait for Saren to roll on through. Somehow the Council has got to listen. If that takes leaning on them a bit, then why not?"

"This is the Council, the seat of our government and composed of the most powerful people in the galaxy. Attacking them in any way is treason." Liara cautioned. "Doing such a thing would make our stay on the Citadel permanent."

"Then why not take the passive approach?" Tali pulled up her omni-tool, scrolling through the encryption programs she had stored. "I could hack into their main systems and reverse the lockdown order. Send it in as a discreet virus."

"Wouldn't work. The firewalls surrounding anything concerning the Council are damn near impregnable. C-Sec had its best technicians develop the countermeasures, and it's monitored constantly. A virus would be fried before it could get anywhere near the source."

Garrus nodded. "Kaidan's right. I've seen those systems myself. No way around them."

"We could steal a ship." Wrex suggested, a mischievous glint shining in red eyes.

"We need the Normandy. She's the only ship that can get us in and out of the Terminus without causing a war between the two systems."

"Then what do we do?"

"We do nothing." Shepard spoke up, earning the shocked stares of those around her. "Look guys, I'm more than impressed by the lengths you're willing to go to, and if this was any other case, I'd be hopping on all of your ideas, but our hands are tied. Not only are these joint orders from the Council and my command, the Normandy is an Alliance warship. Taking off with it against orders is akin to stealing it. To ask the entire crew to do something that would destroy each and every one of their military careers is something I cannot do."

"So that's it? Game over?" Garrus asked incredulously.

"Not if I have anything to do about it." She assured them with a quick grin. "But I have to go through the official channels and try to find someone to repeal this lockdown order, which may not be the easiest thing to accomplish. So for now, I need all of you to do something for me."

Keen murmurs rippled through the group, and she felt a swell of pride. This was, by far, the best squad she had ever had the honor of serving with. Which made her next order an easy one to give.

"Take some shore leave, all of you. No preparations, no thinking about how to extort the Council. I want each of you to relax." When they started to protest, she held up a hand. "This is not a request. We've been running hard for the last few weeks, and I need all of you at your best. So go get into trouble, but not enough so that I have to come bail you out of jail." She quickly added, eyes sparkling.

"That means you Wrex." Tali laughed, nudging the tall mercenary.

"Yeah, try not to start any fights in the bar." Garrus quipped, "I don't think I carry as much weight with C-Sec as I used to. May not be able to get you out."

"I recall that wasn't much to begin with."

Garrus mocking clutched at his chest, Wrex howling a hearty laugh. "Ouch. You wound me Liara."

Shepard chuckled, shaking her head at her friends. "Dismissed."