Losing Your Memory

Hermione opened her eyes and found herself on the familiar doorstep to Ron's flat. Taking a few deep breaths she reaches out a hand and knocks on the door.

It felt like a lifetime before she heard Ron approach from the other side opening the door gently. Her stomach was in knots as they stared at each other.

Ron's face was set into a grim expression and for a heart stopping moment Hermione thought, "He knows."

Without saying a word Ron shifts to the side and lets Hermione in.

It's an odd thing for Hermione to walk into Ron's flat where she has been so many times before but now everything felt extremely foreign and uncomfortable to her.

Following Ron into the sitting room she thinks of how to start off their conversation. Her mind is racing so fast, looking for an in that it takes her a moment to realize that Ron has spoken to her.

"…'s the best thing for both of us." Hermione's glazed eyes come back into focus and with a slight shake of her head she blushes.

"Sorry… I didn't catch that." Ron's ears are red and turn a slightly darker color. He looks to the floor avoiding eye contact.

"I said, I think we should hold off the wedding for a while, it's the best thing for the both of us." The world seems to tilt on its axis. Hermione reaches out a hand to steady herself and Ron instinctively catches it. His expression is full of guilt and regret. The irony of his very visible emotions is astounding that it makes Hermione's head spin even more.

"W-why?" she manages after gathering her bearings. Ron sighs, still holding onto her hand and looking down at it.

"I just think we haven't had much time to be together… and we've been fighting a lot more than usual. It just seems like the right thing to do." Hermione looks down at their linked hands.

Feelings of nostalgia flood her.

"I hope you don't hate me for this… I mean I'd understand, I hate myself right now. I've been a mess these past few weeks…" he pauses gathering breath and Hermione squeezes his hand to get his attention. He looks at her through his ginger lashes.

"Ron, it's alright. I agree." For a moment Ron seems sad, but then takes a deep breath and manages a small smile. Hermione takes this has encouragement and continues.

"Maybe some proper time apart will do us some good. Of course we can still see each other I suppose, if that's alright with you?" Ron nods his head.

"Of course Hermione, I'd never not want to see you again." A pang of guilt rushes through her.

"Me neither." Feeling bold, and oddly light, Hermione falls into his arms for a hug. It feels safe and warm. Closing her eyes she relishes the feeling of being held by her childhood friend, turned boyfriend. She doesn't want to let go.

But she does.

Standing back she pulls off the ring he'd given her and places it in his palm. Not too sure what to say now and an awkward pause.

"I didn't mean what I said you know." Hermione finally manages. Ron is still staring down at the ring in his palm.

"You and Harry mean the world to me, neither of you is better than the other. I-I shouldn't have said that. I was just-" Ron closes his hand around the ring and interrupts her.

"It doesn't matter, it's in the past. I know what I did was a rotten thing, and you know I regret it every day of my life, no matter what you or Harry say, I know what I did was wrong. I know it." Hermione notices his hand clench around the ring for a moment.

"You came back." Hermione whispers. Ron looks up at her and there's something in his eyes that looks like a forgotten memory, it stirs something in her and before she can think twice she launches herself into his arms.

Her lips land awkwardly on Ron's and he fumbles with the sudden impact of her body on his.

Hermione's arms encircle around his neck and her heart is beating wildly. She feels a hesitance in Ron before he responds by grasping her head between his large hands and bringing her closer to him.

They stumble their way onto the couch where Hermione straddles Ron across his lap. His hands move away from her face and follow their familiar path down her sides and up under her shirt, pulling it up in the process. Hermione helps him pull it off and pulls away from their kiss for a moment. Once it's off, Ron grabs the back of her head and brings her lips back to his.

Their breathing picks up speed as Ron grabs onto her waist, squeezing and pulling, making her press into him.

A low moan comes from the back of Hermione's throat and she feels the need for him to be within her deep in her stomach.

She's conscious of their new circumstances, of the promise she's made Harry, but at the same time she feels she owes this to Ron, to herself.

Awkwardly, they discard of their pants and under things quickly.

Hermione finds herself underneath Ron for the first time in months. She holds onto his shoulders, his arms and feels muscles that she'd forgotten were there and then he's inside her and their moans of satisfaction fill the air.

Ron's lips attack hers as he moves above her, within her.

Hermione's eyes stay wide with the familiar sensations that only Ron has been able to evoke within her, and even though she's quite immersed in these feelings, Harry still pops into her mind.

She cannot help but compare the two now, and for a moment it all feels so horribly wrong, but then Ron bites a spot on her neck and it stings. It's something he's never done before and the gesture has Hermione reeling. Her hips move to meet his thrusts, her hands clawing at his arms, shoulders, and back, trying to find some purchase.

At one point, while holding onto his shoulders, Ron's gaze meets hers in an unwavering stare. His eyes are the darkest she's ever seen them, his expression intense and heavy. An explosion happens within her and her walls clench around Ron. He continues to pound relentlessly until he reaches his own release within her.

Coming down from her high, Hermione becomes aware of Ron's weight above her. She can hear his breathing, feel his skin brush and move against hers with each breath. He is still inside her and she waits patiently for him to pull out.

When he does, the contact is missed, but she knows it's necessary.

The two dress in silence.

As she's pulling on her underwear, Ron speaks.

"If I'd known breaking up with you would have gotten this to happen, I would have done it a lot sooner." Hermione detects anger in his tone, but when she looks up, all she sees is a cheeky smirk. Hermione rolls her eyes.

"Oh Ron." He smiles mischievously and leans forward for a kiss. With his lips still against hers he whispers, "I like when you say that." For a moment Hermione thinks that Ron's impression of what has just happened was some sort of makeup sex in which everything that had been spoken about before has become null and void.

"Right well, you need to get a move on Hermione darling, don't you have some work to be getting to." Hermione jumps at Ron's sudden briskness and realizes that he's still playing with her. She stands up as well and hugs him. He hugs her back, squeezing tightly for a moment.

"I still love you Ron." She whispers, low enough for him to not hear, but somehow he does.

"I still love you too Hermione." And with a small smile he steps back from her and waves. Hermione takes this as her queue to leave and disapparates with a pop.

The rest of the day Hermione immerses herself in her work, not ready to think about what had just happened between her and Ron. But it's hard.

Her left hand feels light without the ring he'd given her weighing it down, and she's not sure if she misses it or not.

Had she been growing used to the idea of becoming Ron's wife?

The thought had crossed her mind a few times over the past few years before he'd proposed, but after everything that had happened with Harry recently, the only wedding she could ever have imagined herself in didn't involve the union of her and Ron.

By the end of the day, Hermione decided that what had happened between Ron and her today was good. They needed some sort of closure, and she was lucky it had all happened at one time. There was no drawn out ending between them, and she was grateful for that. Of course she knew that what was between them wasn't completely over, but for the time being it was, and that was what was important. She'd get to the rest later when it got to that time.

Despite the lingering feelings of nostalgia, she was glad. She was her own again, well not completely. She had Harry to contend with. After all, she'd upheld her end of the agreement, and with time to spare. Now it was just Harry's turn.

The thought brought a tightening to her stomach.

It was really happening.

She'd ended her relationship with Ron, something she didn't think possible, especially under the circumstances they had been under, but she'd done it. Well, they'd done it.

But somehow, it had all been too easy. Too clean.

Shouldn't there have been some yelling, some screaming, some tears? Wasn't it in their nature to be slightly volatile? It had always been that way, why had it been so different now?

It's me, I'm different now.

Before the proposal, Hermione had been attentive to Ron, had been at his beck and call, well, almost. Their relationship had been good if not a bit flawed.

She thought of Harry of course, as one does when reminiscing of their first time. Some days she'd think about the talks they'd had leading up to their relationships with the Weasley siblings, but it wasn't often. But somehow, the proposal had opened up a floodgate of emotions and memories that Hermione could not shake.

She'd left Ron, both physically and mentally. She'd shut him out because the emotions she'd began to feel for Harry again were too much to compete with the feelings she had for Ron.

It'd been her that had set all this in motion, she knew it.

But Ron didn't.

His simple reasoning was just that they needed some time apart in order to fall back together. Hermione was sure that that was his intention, but maybe with time he'd see that they were better apart than together. He just needed time.

Time.

It'd been so long since she'd seen Harry, and being with Ron today had reminded Hermione of that. Being with either of them separately reminded her of the other. She wondered idly if it was the same case with them. Did being with her cause them to think of the other?

It was something to ponder, but thinking of them was causing her stomach to ache in a way that she'd been feeling a lot that day.

Nostalgia.

It been a prevalent emotion for her today.

Earlier it had been of her times with Ron, back in Hogwarts, before the proposal. Now they were thoughts of her times with both Ron and Harry together at school.

They'd been close the three of them. The adventures they'd been on as young children, and the horrors they faced together as teenagers had bonded them in ways they'd not known were possible.

But no longer were they as close as before. They'd split it seemed down the middle in a way.

Hermione choosing Ron over Harry had put a strain on their friendship that shouldn't have been there, and it wouldn't have been if romantic feelings between Harry and Hermione didn't exist.

But they did.

So their friendship suffered, and would always suffer.

It was indefinent now.

Laying back into her bed, Hermione closed her eyes trying to banish the uncomfortable squirming within and tried to think of happier times that consisted of warm fires, comfy plush sofas, red and gold décor, and her best friends laughter.

a/n: hoped you liked it:) thanks for the reviews. they are my motivation and inspiration, even those that are a bit critical, but it's to be expected. anyway, thank you for any and all reviews.

as always let me know what you think!:)