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Chapter 1(maybe)

I couldn't help it. It felt like everything I had and everything I desired had been ripped away. Like I had been ripped away. Watching and waiting for something that you know will never be is bad enough watching someone else come and steal it away. That is what true pain is. It isn't like I didn't expect this to happen I knew it would I guess just somewhere deep inside of me I thought maybe it would take longer maybe I could prolong the inevitable. The glances, the looks, all of them spoke of a hidden desire. Why is it that I feel so open with him when with everyone else I'm as closed up as always. I knew I'd have to let my hope go and him with it. I just didn't know it'd be this way. When it comes to someone you love it doesn't matter when or how when the chose someone else it's as if your world stops like you can't breathe like nothing matters. And with that thought I collapsed.

I could see the memorial a little ways off and I felt the desire to go over. I looked at the names and I felt like maybe it would hurt less if I just gave up. Of course I wouldn't join the names there. The way I was talking of joining the other side would not be worthy of honor. Then again in this profession how hard would it be to make people think that something else had happened. I felt my hand gravitating to the pouch attached to my calf. I withdrew a kunai and felt the coolness on my skin. All the sudden it was twisted in my hand the side pressed against my throat. All the sudden I felt my heart in my throat pushing the skin further and further to the blade. One push, one beat and all the pain I felt would be gone. The abandonment, the pain, the feelings of worthlessness, all I needed was one push. I steeled my resolve and felt it begin to cut into my skin and I felt my blood begin to drip.

One more push and it's over.

"Sakura!"

One more push

"SAKURA!"

And it's over

"SAKURA! SAKURA! SAKURA!" I heard the rush of footsteps approaching.

As I feel my wrist twitch and inch the blade towards my neck I feel someone grab my hand and spin me around. Facing me is the last person I wanted to see. The man who forced me to this, the man who after others had broken me had fixed and built me up only to wreck me worse of all even though he was unaware. I looked him in the eye and what I saw momentarily shocked me. In his eyes I saw pain, panic and fear. It was look that I'd seen before. I'd seen it in Naruto and Sasuke's eyes when they nearly killed me when I stepped in between them on the roof of the hospital 2 and a half years ago. When Kakashi saw that Zabuza was about to kill us as genin.

And now when I was pressing the blade to my own neck. As I looked and saw and realized if he knew why I was doing this he would probably look at me with disgust. Just as that thought crossed my mind I dismissed it. He might not understand but he would always try and I knew he would never judge me. I felt my eyes begin to water and before I knew I had collapsed. Before I could hit the ground I felt strong arms wrap around me and pull me towards their owner. Despite the fact that I didn't want to see him I still felt comforted by him. As he whispered sweet nothings in my ears I felt my shaking sobs come to a halt. As the shaking stopped and all the sudden our position became apparent to me. He was holding me in his arms. On his lap. Soothing me. And as I looked up and our eyes met I felt myself closing in and right before our lips met I jumped up and darted away before he could react.

" Sakura stop"

I didn't stop I just kept going faster. My desperation propelling me forward. My feelings were messing with my chakra control and the branch I was on snapped. I braced myself for the impact but before I could hit it naturally he decided to catch me. Before I could run away again he secured me in his arms

" Sakura stop moving" I kept struggling, " Sakura knock it off!" he growled. Despite his frustrations I continued to struggle and crawl my way away. He moved his hand and I though he was trying to comfort me with a caress but instead I felt his hand move to a point in my neck we usually use in battle when we don't want to harm our enemy just bring them just capture. My struggles increased a tenfold. He said "I'm sorry Sakura"

I tried to insert as much betrayal and hurt as I felt into one word before he found the spot to knock me out.

"Kakashi" was all I could whisper before I promptly blacked out.