Ahhhhh. Amg. This story has gotten such a positive reaction. Ahhhhhhh. And now I feel all guilty for putting this off to write other stories. xD Oh well, I'm updating now, that's good enough, right? Lolno it's not. xD

But the main reason I put this off is not just because I had the plot bunnies attacking me. It was mostly because this story has been frustrating me to no end with a horrible case of really bad writer's block. At one point it was so bad I couldn't even look at the file without shuddering and having to close the whole tab altogether. Yeah, really.

Yeah, I totally changed my pen name. My old one was a bit...I dunno...meh. I just felt like changing it.

Anyyyywaayayyyyyy, since I totally let you guys down with that last chapter, I completely PROMISE that the make-up classes AND the Sorting will be in this. SERIOUSLY. I'm still sorta beating myself up over that last chapter with the total utter filler chapter failness of it, but oh well, we're in the present, no? OR MAYBE WE'RE IN SOME OFF SHOOT DOOMED TIMELINE AND ALL THAT TIME CHIZ. YEAH. THAT.

…I'll just get onto the story before I make a bigger fool out of myself than I already have.

Dave's POV

For the majority of the ridiculously long broom ride, I kept my cool. As for the rest of us...that's a very ironic story.

John was pretty much going absolutely crazy with his windy thing that somehow still works, making him go across the freaking sky like he was using a flipping jetpack. I will never understand the inner machinations of that derp's mind.

Jade was really fucking the sky up big time with her serious case of no coordination whatsoever. She was all over the flipping place. She nearly knocked many a troll of their broom (she didn't really mind that) and almost got me even. But she couldn't. I'm a Strider. That's why.

Rose was at least calm so she wasn't totally spazzing out like Jade. She was a bit bumpy but pretty much had it under control. As for me though...I was a Strider. So I kept my cool. And was awesome. A couple times I had to resist the urge to shout "I'M ON A BROOMSTICK BITCHES" but I didn't. That would be so un-Strider like of me.

As for the fish guy, he actually did shout the previous, but nobody paid attention. No one ever pays attention to that forever alone tard. No one. Except for that green troll who keeps threatening to cut him in half again. I still don't get trolls at all.

And of course, there was the annoying spider bitch who kept yelling "Are we there yet?" in her most obnoxious voice. Terezi tried to beat her off her broom but they both ended up falling about a thousand feet or so. That was pretty ironic as well, in the most ironic sense of irony.

After five long hours we finally caught sight of some big-ass castle on the horizon. That thing looked like someone puked Middle Ages everywhere.

Hagrid let us fly over the gates and we all left the brooms outside. I guess someone was going to come by and take them to the broom garage or something silly like that. It would probably be some kind of burly dude that has a million tattoos but yet still lives with his mom or something. Yeah, that.

Hagrid led us through the huge doors and into this huge hall. Yeah, it's going to be called Big Ass Hall from now on. It still looked even more like someone barfed up medieval times everywhere, there were random suits of armor here and there along with these large crests.

This really strict looking woman came down the wide set of stairs on the other end of the room and came toward us with a brisk walk. "So you must be the special circumstances students," She said in a tight British accent, surveying us like a hawk. She makes it sound like a bad thing. "Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress and head of Gryffindor house." She motioned for us to follow as she led us up to the front of the room where there was some shit brown hat sitting on a pathetic little stool. "This is the Sorting Hat. It will sort you into the House, or team if you will, that corresponds with your personality best. The four houses are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Gryffindor represents the virtue of bravery or chivalry, Hufflepuff represents loyalty, Ravenclaw represents wit and smarts, and Slytherin represents cunning."

Everyone muttered amongst ourselves about how silly the names sounded. I thought they were at least a bit ironic, so they passed with me. Except for Hufflepuff, that sounds like some girly shit that Jade would like or something.

"I will call you in alphabetical order to get sorted. When you are called you will step up to this stool, sit down, and put the Sorting Hat on your head. It will then sort you according to your strengths." The strict lady said. Wait, what? It reads your mind? This is not going to end well.

"First up, Ampora, Eridan," The woman read from a list that appeared pretty much from out of fucking nowhere. The fish hipster stood up and walked proudly up to the stool, purple cape that he attached to his uniform flying gayly behind him. Snicker. Snicker.

McGoogle had a bit of difficulty getting the hat over his weird horns, but she managed to just prop it up awkwardly. The hat sat on his head sideways for about a minute before screaming out at the top of it's lungs, "SLYTHERIN!" Well, it's hat lungs. If hats can even have lungs, that is. I really have no idea what the fuck is even going on so I'm not going to question it and ironically go with the flow.

Ampora got off the stool and sat under some giant, green crest with a silver snake on it. I do have to say, it looks pretty sweet. But I'm not much of a snake person myself, unless it's dead. Then I'm all over that, all up and preserving that shit.

"Captor, Sollux!" 'Bee Dude' as I had dubbed him slouched up to the stool in the most uninterested manner he could muster and sat on the stool all moody. Someone needs to just calm the fuck down and simmer those sick fires onto a nice crackling flame of irony, considering this guy even has sick fires. I guess that's the cripple's thing, oh well. It was a pretty ironic statement, for the record. And as I own all the records, I will all up and record that in my little record notebook of irony and shit.

McGoogle had a little less trouble with him, but she still was trying to get the hat on his head so his horns wouldn't break a hole in that ancient, shit brown fabric.

"RAVENCLAW!" The hat screeched yet again. I actually like that name the most, probably my weird bird fetish Rose has been wanting to look into for the past whenever ago she found out about it. Bee Dude moped over to the table under the blue crest with this wicked sweet raven on it.

"Egbert, John!" John skipped happily up to the stool, looking as derpy as someone could possibly be, flashing those two ridiculous front teeth like two trophies of the 'I Look Stupid And Gullible' contest. He plopped the hat on his head and closed his eyes like he was holding his breath. Oh goddammit, he looks like he's constipated or something dear god please help me not laugh this is just too rich.

"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat shouted, leaving me a bit surprised. I would have been sure that Egbert would land himself in something with such a dumbass name like Hufflepuff, but hey, the kid does surprise me sometimes. But it's never true astonishment, no one, especially not John could muster such a feat. And he definitely did not surprise me with that oh so homo skip over to the Gryffindor table. He claims to not be homo, yet everything else about him screams that that's more wrong than saying that I'm not cool. Which I am so you can just shut the fuck up right there.

"Harley, Jade!" The woman called. Jade skipped up to the stool just about as manly as John did, which is about adding negative a million mangrit to both of their meters. In fact, it's adding sissypoints to their Utter Fail Derp meters.

It didn't take the hat too long to sort her out, but in the end it ended up shouting, "HUFFLEPUFF!" You see that right there? What did I tell you. That there is called Strider's Intuition, the most ironic of all intuitions out there. Jade wandered over to the table, looking pretty satisfied with her placing, but looking just a tad bit upset that she wasn't with John.

"Lalonde, Rose!" McGoogle as I'm going to start calling her now shouted. Rose made her slow way up to the stool and sat on it gently, trying to look as distinguished as possible. Holy shit this is going to be as predictable as hell.

The hat was on her head for about ten seconds before it cried out in that nails on a chalkboard voice, "RAVENCLAW!" You see, that's two in a row right there. I'm on a roll here today folks. Rosie wandered her snarky, know it all self over to the table Lispy was brooding at. She sat down next to him but scooted away, smirking, when he sent a dagger filled glare her way. Pfft, someone woke up on the wrong side of the hive this morning.

"Leijon, Nepeta!" Kitty Cosplayer pounced happily up to the stool, flashing her cat like fangs as McGoogle called her name. My god if there's such a thing as a troll weaboo, then she'd be in the picture right next to the definition. The hat even fit fairly well over her ear shaped horns.

"GRYFFINDOR!" Wow, absolutely no surprise there. I mean duh, only a completely fucktard wouldn't see that one coming a mile away. She could have fit into that Rufflefluff or whatever too, but the symbol is a fucking lion. It was just destined. Kittyface hopped happily over to John and plopped down in a seat across from him, purring happily. Did I mention she's happy.

"Makara, Gamzee!" Okay, I know for sure this one's going to break my chain of perfect guesses. This guy is some tough shit to place. I just don't know man. He'll probably end up in Ravenclaw for some strange, ironic twist of events.

McGoogle found it absolutely impossible to get the thing on his head so she ended up smashing the hat inbetween his tall, obnoxious horns. The hat sat on his head for about a full minute, boring the hell out of everyone. The strict teacher was getting a bit confused and just as she was about to interrupt the hat cried, "SLYTHERIN!" Wow. No irony for me, I guess. Who knows, maybe karma will reward me with some irony later on. Just have to keep checking those ouija boards, man.

"Maryam, Kanaya!" The troll version of Rose made her slow way up to the school as gracefully as possible. Oh come on lady, you're not on the freaking red carpet leading up to the goddamn Queen of Troll England or some ridiculous kind of thing like that. She sat down all dainty like and smoothed out her dress as McGoogle placed the hat on top of her horns so it was just barely brushing the top of her head.

It was barely on her head for a second before it shouted Ravenclaw yet again. Seriously, how many people are going into the nerd house? I'd like to know so I can gauge how much I need to avoid it. Right now it's looking a lot like all times. Kanaya made her graceful way over to the Ravenclaw table, taking a seat next to Rose with a smile. Sollux just blew a stray hair out of his face, looking still as deterred as ever.

This slow process went on forever, finally after so many long minutes resulting in everyone before me having gone. Megido got Ravenclaw (this one nearly made me rip my hair out, but of course I didn't), Nitram got Hufflefluff (big surprise), Peixes got Hufflefluff as well (I was starting to sigh visibly by then), Terezi got Gryffindor (she was sniffing fucking all over that lion man), and Spiderbitch got Slytherin (yeah, that one was not a huge revelation either).

Now it was my turn. Fucking gulp.

I made my slow and cool way up to the stool as Terezi and Egbert cheered for me from the sidelines. I really wanted to smack them right there, but I didn't because I'm not that much of a douche. I'm pretty close to it, but I'm really just more in the tool category.

I slouched over a bit in the stool. The teacher lady gave me this stern look so I straightened up. I heard Egbert giggling and I felt my cheeks begin to heat up but I quickly told my blood vessels to cut the shit and go anywhere but there.

The hat was placed on my head and I could have sworn I felt something crawl out of it and into my hair. Then suddenly, before I could reach up and swat whatever it was on my head off, I heard a voice vaguely in the back of my mind.

"There's no use in doing that, Mister Strider." It said. I thought some of my favorite words at the voice and it quickly responded. "That is not proper language, young man. And I don't care if you were just thinking it, that gesture was completely uncalled for." I snickered to myself. I could almost feel the voice rolling it's non-existent eyes.

It started mumbling some other incoherent shit before finally, after a very insufferable wait, shouted "GRYFFINDOR!". I made my way back over to the table where John and Terezi and Nepeta were and took a seat.

"Oh Daaave, so happy you could make it! HEHEHEHEHE!" Terezi whispered right in my ear. I was almost sure she probably spit all over whatever crawled out of my hat and onto my head. She probably killed it with her creepy alien spit, good riddance.

The sorting was finished quite quickly with Mr. Big Muscles in Ravenclaw (fuckin' GROAN) and Karkat in Gryffindor. Oh joy, this'll be one hella year.

Okay, I'm not putting in the remedial classes because OH MY GOG THAT WAS JUST ASKDALKSJDLASDJ. That was way more tedious than I was first expecting. I sure hope you guys enjoy it, it sure took me long enough.

Till next time,

~Mint