~Alive in Wonderland~

By: Aerys Krystie.

Warnings for this chapter: Drug induced randomness, language, OC and OOC. If you thought the last chapter made no sense, prepare yourself.

Zero looked around the auditorium. He had no idea where the building came from, and he wasn't going to ask. It was obvious that Tsuki had created it, for the sole purpose of this one play. If it kept the demon happy, which would hopefully mean less death threats, then Tsuki could create as many auditoriums as he wanted.

The actual building fitted in well with the design of Cross Academy, Zero came to notice. The theatre, which was what it looked more like, had an old feeling surrounding it. If Tsuki did make it from nothing, as Zero was assuming that was what the demon did, he really went all out. There were VIP booths. There was even a ticket stand, a snack stall and bathrooms. There wasn't a detail that was missing. It was all done for one play.

Zero stared at Yagari. He wasn't expecting to see the man in there, of all places. In fact, Zero was certain Yagari had been called away by the Association for a mission. It seemed apparent that he had completed it, and was back in school to teach his classes. The man looked impressed, and Zero figured that the Hunter didn't have much experience when it came to living with a demon.

"There you are," Tsuki said as he approached Zero. He had a clipboard in his right hand and a heavy looking bag in his left. He dropped the bag, marked something on the clipboard. "You need your costume. I thought the vampires had sent them out to the Day Class, but I guess even I can be wrong sometimes." Tsuki hunted through the bag. He pulled out a clear bag, which had neatly folded clothing in it, along with a pair of boots. "Everything should be in your size."

Zero took the items. Tsuki moved onto the next Day Class student that hadn't received their costume. The demon was surprising organized, despite the fact that he was behind on his schedule. Zero looked at the boots. They were basic black combat boots. He could live with that. It seemed that Tsuki had probably spent all the money on the costumes, and the set. And from the looks of it, a fog machine.

"Who said anything about spending money, Kiryu-kun?" Tsuki called from the back of the seats. "Do you have any idea how much all of this would have cost? Think in hundred thousands. That isn't including the building, or the make up artists. Speaking of which, who has the designs for the make up?"

Zero frowned. Tsuki should know who had the designs he was looking for. He was a demon, after all. Zero looked around at the people in the room. Oh. He forgot that there were humans with them. It was perfectly fine to act like a know-it-all dick in front of vampires, but it was something entirely different around humans.

Zero headed towards the stage. It was much bigger up close. From what he had read in the script, there was a lot of fighting and running. A tiny stage wouldn't have done a thing for them. If needed, Zero had no doubt that Tsuki would make the stage bigger.

Zero paused. He hadn't heard the shouting until he was on the stage, and heading towards the back, for the dressing rooms. He could distinctly hear Kain telling everyone to go to hell. Zero was going to guess that the vampire didn't want to wear his costume. Zero had heard about the skimpy costume fiasco that Tsuki had pulled. Apparently, the Alice dress didn't get any better.

Zero went behind the stage. The male dressing rooms were on the right, and he turned down it. He watched as Kain held onto the exit for dear life. Aidou and Ruka were trying to pull him away from it. The door creaked open, and Kain's attempts to get away got more frantic. Zero couldn't keep the amusement off his face.

The door opened fully, dragging Kain, Aidou and Ruka with it. Kaname stood there. He raised an eyebrow at the display set out before him. From Zero's position, Kain's feet were no longer on the ground. He was pretty much a vampire plank. Half of him had freedom, but the other half couldn't join it.

"Kaname-sama, I've changed my mind. I don't want to play Alice. Please, pick someone else."

"No," Tsuki said as he appeared beside Kaname. "This role chose you, Kain-kun."

Kain growled. "That is the biggest load of horse shit I've ever heard. You were the one that was pulling the names out of the hat. I know you rigged it."

Tsuki tilted his head. He was already getting tired of saying it, but decided once more couldn't hurt. "Congratulations, you finally figured out that I'm a demon. Unfortunately, you didn't beat the buzzer. Please take this as a parting gift." The demon flipped Kain the bird. "However, you're still going to play Alice, and you're going to like it. I swear if I have to say that phrase one more time, I'm copyrighting it."

Tsuki placed a hand on Kain's shoulder. When he removed it, the vampire was in his costume. Kain looked at his chest. "You son of a bitch!"

"Yes, yes I am. Now that we have gotten that out of the way, here is your script. Rehearsal starts in two minutes." Tsuki walked through Kain, marking something on the clipboard. He looked at Zero. "You should get changed, Zero. You're in the second scene."

Zero scowled. He looked around for his dressing room, cursing loudly when he saw that it was next to Kaname's. Why did the White Rabbit and Mad Hatter have to be so close together? Zero knew it was just Tsuki's way of screwing with him.

Zero locked the door, so the demon wouldn't just barge in. Of course, Tsuki just walked through a vampire. A wooden door probably would prove to be much of a barrier. He stripped out of the school uniform, and opened the bag that held his costume. He laid it out on the sofa that was in the room, and his heart sank when he saw it. Didn't Tsuki know there was a difference between raunchy and porn?

Zero pulled on the hot pants, which had a ball of white fluff attached to the back. He looked at himself in the mirror on the vanity table. His ass looked good, but Zero wasn't sure if he liked that. He pulled on the vest, and did up the gold buttons. It looked like a tiny waistcoat. He attached the collar, which was black and had a red tie sewn in. He looked at the rabbit ears. He was going to look ridiculous. He clipped the ears into his hair, and looked himself in the mirror again.

"I look like a host from a yaoi manga!" he hissed at his reflection.

"Then my job is complete," Tsuki said, checking something off on the clipboard. What the hell could the demon possibly have to check off? "That would be the box that says, 'Make Zero feel like a male whore'. Here's your script. How does the outfit feel?"

Zero snatched the script from Tsuki's hand. He wasn't going to answer that last question. It would be a cold day in hell before Zero admitted that the outfit was surprisingly soft. He stormed out of the dressing room, paused, turned and re-entered. He sat down on the sofa, and pulled on the boots.

Zero looked up when something caught the light, and glinted. Tsuki was holding a gold pocket watch in front of him. Zero took it, attached the clip to the vest, and slipped it into the left pocket. He left the dressing room; once he made sure he had everything with him. Storming out of the room the first time meant more, than doing it a second time.

"Okay, everyone take their places," Tsuki commanded from the middle of the seats. "It's marked in the script. I know a lot of you have a difficult time breathing, much less thinking. Just read what's written. Three, two, on ––"

"Wait!" Kain called, running onto the stage. He stumbled several times. His ankles rolled around in the boots, and it was almost inevitable that Kain would sprain his ankle.

Zero stared. In fact, all a lot of people could do was gawk at the vampire. There was Rocky Horror, and then there was Kain. Tsuki really had no idea why the vampire had to play Alice. There were a lot of other, more suited candidates for Alice. Ones that wouldn't look as awkward as Kain did in the other outfit. Unfortunately, it wasn't as funny as Zero thought it was going to be. It was nightmarishly scary.

"I'll wear this ridiculous outfit, including the wig, but I refuse to wear these boots."

Tsuki raised an eyebrow slightly. "And why would that be?"

"Well, I ––"

"Wait," Tsuki said, holding up a hand. "I seemed to have stopped caring. I will change the boots for you. I only wanted to see how long you would last, before you decided enough was enough." The demon marked something on the clipboard, and glanced at the stage. "Take off the boots for the now. There is no point in you getting used to them."

As Kain undid the laces on the boots, a Day Class student stood beside Zero. "Can you believe how amazing Tsuki-senpai is? He took care of the costumes, the set, the script and he's also directing. How is he able to do all of this?"

"I'm a wizard," Tsuki answered, and the fan-girls squealed.

With the boots off, Kain curled his toes. He forced himself not moan, as he wasn't looking forward to being jumped by the fan-girls. He had no idea how women could cram their feet into those boots, and wear them for long periods of time. He barely survived the five minutes he had them on.

"Lights," Tsuki called. The theatre went dark. "Eerie background." A background was lowered. "Lights. I said eerie background!" Tsuki didn't want to know why they had a colorful background, filled with smiling daisies and woodland animals. The mistake was corrected. "Cue spooky voice."

"In ––"

"I said spooky," Tsuki cut in, glaring over his shoulder at the Day Class student.

"Sorry, Tsuki-senpai." The girl cleared her throat. "In ––"

"Change of plans," Tsuki said. "You suck. I need someone else to be the narrator."

The girl gasped. "Wait, Tsuki-senpai! I promise I can do better. Please give me another chance."

Tsuki got his feet. He turned, and looked up at her. There was something strange going on, already. "One last time, from the beginning."

"You never let her get further than that," Zero muttered.

The girl coughed, trying to dry out her throat for the desired result that Tsuki wanted. "In..." She trailed off, waiting for Tsuki to interrupt. When the demon didn't, she continued. "…the beginning, Alice thought that she had saved Wonderland. Bizarre dreams plagued her nights. In them, she saw red roses, which were dripping with blood instead of paint. The Mad Hatter and the March Hare…" Tsuki cued Kaname and Shiki onto the stage. "…didn't know what to do. They knew that peace had to be restored to Wonderland. They needed to find a way to attack whatever it was that was turning the creatures of Wonderland into the walking dead."

Tsuki cued the five of spades, three of hearts, ten of clubs and the seven of diamonds onto the stage. Knives appeared in Kaname's and Shiki's hands, and they slashed quickly at the cards, which fell to the ground. With a wave of his hand, Tsuki included the fake blood, which would be squirted around the stage. Thankfully, it would be easy to clean.

"With all of that in mind, the Mad Hatter and March Hare consulted with the Dormouse." Tsuki waved Rima onto the stage.

"We need a champion," Shiki said blandly.

"Cut," Tsuki said predicatively. "Shiki-kun, this is acting. Put some emotion into your voice, before I beat it into you."

Shiki lowered his eyes, flipping an ear out of his eye. "We need a champion," he repeated, just as bleakly as before. "We need a champion." No change. "We need a champion." Still the same. Rima glanced around, and crushed the heel of her shoe into Shiki's foot. "We need a champion!" he declared.

Kaname concurred with a nod of his head. "We need someone that has no fear. Someone like…"

"Alice," Rima said plainly.

Tsuki forced his eye not to twitch. He knew that casting anti-social, sociopathic vampires into the roles that included insanity was going to be a bad idea. He just never expected it to be that bad. It didn't really help that it was being done on purpose.

"Alice," Shiki said.

Kaname turned towards the audience. "Alice," he said dramatically.

Tsuki kept a growl in. If Kaname wanted to win an Oscar, he would have to stop acting like a child. "And with that thought, they summoned the White Rabbit. The only creature they know, who would able to get Alice's attention, and take her down the rabbit hole. It was from that moment that the Mad Hatter, March Hare and the Dormouse came to the same conclusion…"

"We're screwed," Kaname, Rima and Shiki exclaimed.

"…and thus begins the story of 'Alive in Wonderland'."

"End scene. Change the sets, and characters get yourself ready for the next scene, please." Tsuki closed his eyes, deciding that he was never going to work with amateurs again. Or wonder why he allowed some moron to write the script.

Kaname stepped off the stage, looking at Zero. He didn't look, so much as stare. While Kain's outfit had the ability to induce mass suicide, Zero's was extremely sexy. Kaname had had his doubt about this play, but after seeing Zero, he decided that it was all worth it. Hell could break loose, for all Kaname cared. He knew he would die a very happy vampire.

"Is Alice and his family ready yet?" Tsuki asked from the catwalk, playing around with the lights. "We don't have an eternity. I mean, I do but most of you will be lucky to survive until next year."

Kaname glared up at the demon. Tsuki was walking on thin ice. If he made another reference to him being a demon, the vampire was going to kill him. Well, he might not be able to do that, but he would have fun trying. Not mention telling some of the students that they didn't have long left.

Kaname, Tsuki and Zero stared at the stage. "Something stupid is about to happen," they muttered.

The Day Class student playing Alice's father ran onto the stage. There was the scent of something burning, and Kaname raised an eyebrow. "Oh my god! My shoes are on fire!"

Kaname looked up at Tsuki. The demon had basically face-palmed, and was shaking his head. "You were the same idiot that managed to set fire to water. You blew a hole the size of Texas in your wall, because you were trying to make toast. You tripped, and somehow managed to stab a pen through the hand of your best friend. How are you even still alive?"

"Survival of the fittest!" the human declared happily.

"I'm going to choke you with your own trachea," Tsuki stated as he walked towards the stage.

"That's not even ––"

"I know it isn't, Kaname. But for some reason, we've all become retarded for the duration of this play." Tsuki glanced around at the humans, and the vampires. "Well, at least it can't get any worse."

Aidou appeared beside Zero. "I can live entirely on a diet of crayons and lighter fluid," he announced.

Kaname stared at the blond vampire. He didn't want to know what the hell was going through Aidou's mind. "Tsuki, what is happening here?"

"Kaname, you're missing the point here," Tsuki said, checking something off on the clipboard.

"And what would that be?" Kaname demanded.

"I'unno, but you're missing it." Tsuki paused. "Did I just say that? That does not sound like me."

Kaname glanced at the stage. The student with the shoes on fire didn't seem bothered by the flames. If Tsuki knew this was going to happen, the demon would have taken the necessary measures to ensure it didn't. What is going on he –– Whoa! Is this what it sounds like inside my head? I could have sworn I had a song playing. Kaname stared into space.

"Am I hallucinating, or is that a buffalo in a tutu?" Zero pointed to something in the seats.

Kaname and Tsuki looked. There undoubtedly a buffalo in a tutu. Tsuki marked something off in his clipboard. "Well, this is getting better and better," the demon mumbled. "I should probably see how the other humans are doing."

"Isn't it great that Tsuki-senpai is such a good role model?" a Day Class student asked.

"We need to score some drugs," Tsuki said before he went back stage.

Kaname opened his mouth. It snapped shut when the scenery changed. He and Zero were sitting in a bar. They were still in their costumes. Kaname had a glass of scotch on the rocks, and Zero had a glass of red wine. Kaname had no idea how they got there.

"Thanks for that wonderful date, Zero." Kaname blinked. Did Tsuki spike the local water with something? He knew he didn't just say what he thought he did. "The movie was really good."

"Bitch, I'm hyped up on drugs. I can't remember where I took you." Zero stared at Kaname. He knew what he was thinking, but it wasn't making any sense. The words were just flowing from his mouth.

Suddenly, he and Kaname were back inside the theatre. Zero had no idea what was going on, but his first instinct was to blame everything on Tsuki. Every time the demon was around, weird shit always happened. And most of the time, it never made sense.

That would have been a good point, if it wasn't for the fact that Tsuki was acting just as strange as everyone else. Something wasn't right; any idiot could see that. If it wasn't Tsuki that was doing it, it had to be someone just as powerful at the demon.

Zero was fairly certain that vampires didn't have the ability to teleport themselves, and another to a strange bar, somewhere in the world. He was also fairly certain that vampires didn't have the ability to let them think their own thoughts, while they said something completely different. The only creature that Zero had met that had that sort of power was Tsuki.

Kaname watched as the Day Class students ran around. He had no idea what they were doing. He shook his head. The insanity was getting beyond a joke. If Tsuki didn't find a way of controlling it, Kaname would. And that would probably mean selling his soul to the devil.

"What's our next move?" Zero asked, trying not to stare at the Day Class.

"I'm thinking Disney World," Kaname muttered, frowning at his words. "I mean, I don't know. I think we should find out if Tsuki is responsible for all of this, or if there is another demon around."

"Where did that demon go?"

"I'm up here," Tsuki said through a sigh. "And trust me; I'm not responsible for this. If I was, would I superglue myself to the fucking ceiling of a theatre?"

Kaname and Zero raised their eyes. Tsuki had his back on the ceiling, and if they were going to be honest, yes. Tsuki probably would superglue himself to the ceiling of a theatre, if it meant he could avoid detection. But at the same time, they knew that Tsuki would glad admit to being responsible for something as fucked up as what was happening.

"So what are we going to do about it?" Kaname asked.

"How the hell am I meant to know? I'm currently powerless to do anything about it. At this very moment, I wouldn't be able to handle a wet dream."

"Isn't your power level over nine thou ––" Kaname began.

"Oh, hell no! We are not making that reference," Tsuki cut in, glaring down at the vampire. "Surely we can be more original than that."

"What?" Kaname asked.

"What?" Zero repeated.

Kain stood beside Zero. The Pureblood and the Hunter looked at him. "You know what they say. A happy rooster in the morning makes a great bacon sandwich." The vampire walked on.

The vampire, Hunter and demon watched him go. Kaname closed his eyes. "Okay. How is it that we can make quack? No, I mean why are we the only ones that make quack? What is up with the damn quack?"

Tsuki drew in a deep breath. "Kaname…Sometimes, during prolonged sessions of insanity, some words are replaced by others. In this case, the word 'quack' has been replaced by quack."

A female Day Class student ran past Kaname and Zero. "I just peed a moat."

Zero glanced at the girl as she disappeared behind the background. "I think I sit next to her in class. That's disgusting."

"In that case," Kaname said, "how do we get everything back to moo?" His eyes widened, and he tried very hard to keep his temper under control.

"Yes, 'moo' has been replaced by moo. I can get some things back to moo, but it won't be easy." Tsuki struggled to get off the ceiling. "And it won't be cluck with me attached to the ceiling."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Zero exploded. "You're a god damn demon, and you can't even defeat superglue? What the fuck is buh-caw with you?"

Tsuki narrowed his eyes. "What's buh-caw with me? What's buh-caw with you? Kaname is a motherfucking vampire! Get him to do something for once!"

Zero went to retort, when the ground shook. He fell on top of Kaname, and didn't move until the shaking stopped. It finally did five minutes later. Zero raised his head, looking around. The theatre was still in tact, and Tsuki was still pinned to the ceiling.

"What was that?" he asked, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"I think someone just blew up the science wing." Tsuki glanced at his back when he heard the tearing of material. He cried out as he fell on top of Zero, crushing the Hunter into Kaname. "Damn it. I should have seen that one coming."

Kaname groaned. His ribs were aching, and neither Tsuki nor Zero was moving. He couldn't get air into his lungs, and was grateful that he was a vampire. Blood pounded in his ears, which sounded strangely like marching footsteps. That was strange. He was used to the sound of blood in his ears, but it never sounded like that before.

"Is someone marching towards us?" Kaname asked, looking from side to side.

"Of course there is," Tsuki answered.

"You didn't even look."

"Kaname, seriously? With all the shit that has been happening in the last hour, do you really think that you're only hearing things? The cards have come to life, and are zombies. They're going to attack us." Tsuki removed his brown wig, and frowned when black bangs fell into his eyes. That wasn't right.

Tsuki got his feet, and Zero rolled to the side of Kaname. He was beginning to think that the demon was never going to move. He stared up at the sky. It was a strange black-purple color. He couldn't be sure, but Zero figured they were in hell. It explained everything that was happening. It didn't make sense, even in his twisted mind, but it make him feel a little better about the whole situation.

"We aren't in hell, Zero. We're in Wonderland," Tsuki explained.

Kaname sat up. He had no idea how Tsuki could tell where they were. He looked over his shoulder, and saw the giant neon sign that said 'Welcome to Wonderland'. Something was off with Tsuki. Usually, the demon was apathetic and only lost composure whenever his brother was around. If Tsuki had to rely on a sign to know where they were, had he lost his ability to see into the future? He didn't seem to have lost his mind reading ability, though.

"One, I knew this was going to happen. It was in your future. Two, I haven't lost that ability, nor have I lost any of my abilities. The sign was just a huge help. And three, go fuck yourself." Tsuki shook his hair back, and looked around.

Kaname slowly got to his feet, and helped Zero up. He tilted his head slightly as Zero's ears twitched. Just when he thought things couldn't get any weirder. It made him wonder why it was just the three of them there. Where was everyone else? Why were they the only ones experience this? And why did it make absolutely no quack?

"Kaname, stop asking stupid questions to which you already know the answers to," Tsuki said, stepping towards the entrance to Wonderland. "So, which of you two is going to be the idiot that says it?"

"Says what?" Kaname and Zero asked, glancing at each other.

"Three…two…one…"

"Did you put drugs into the water?" Kaname inquired gently.

"There it is. Yeah, because instead of doing the easy thing, and making everyone hallucinate, I decided to score drugs, and waste them on you and the humans. Do you seriously think I would do that? I mean, I know I'm a demon, but that is just stupid."

Zero looked over his shoulder. "Something is wrong here." He wiggled his tail. "My attachments aren't attachments anymore. I have real bunny ears, and a real cotton tail."

Kaname offered a calm smile. "At least it can't get any worse."

"Idiot!" Tsuki shouted as it began to rain, from the ground up. "Only a moron says that. We all know that we aren't delusional, so therefore, this is a reality. Though, I'm still trying to figure out how Zero became a furry."

Zero glared. "I'm a hybrid, not a furry. There is a huge difference, Kurenai. I figured you, of all creatures, would know that."

"I do. I'm a little creeped out that you know the difference. Is that what all that porn is, under your bed?" Tsuki raised an eyebrow, and smirked at the Hunter.

Kaname held his hands up, and stepped between Tsuki and Zero. He didn't need a fight to break out between them. Tsuki would have no remorse in killing Zero, and that wasn't something that Kaname wanted. "Right now, let's figure out how we're going to get out of here and back into the really real world."

Tsuki blinked. "The only way back is through there," he said, pointing to the entrance of Wonderland. "And you do not want to know what is waiting for us."

Kaname and Zero glanced at each other. If Tsuki was saying that, they knew it had to be bad. And still, they needed to know exactly how bad it was going to be, so they could prepare themselves for it. Tsuki looked at them, and shook his head.

"The last half an hour that happened before we got here? Think that, only worse. If you thought that shit made no quack, in there is going to be at least eleven times worse."

Zero groaned. "How did this even happen?" he whined. He glared at Tsuki. "This is your fault, isn't it? You did something here."

"Yeah, sure. Blame me because I'm a demon. Are you sure neither of you read any old books?" Tsuki's eyes fixated on Kaname. He waited patiently for Kaname to admit to screwing everything up.

Kaname finally sighed. "I didn't think my Latin would be that rusty that I would create this sort of chaos. If you knew I was going to do it, why didn't you stop me?"

Tsuki rolled his eyes. "I'm a demon. I do things for my own benefit, most of the time. Besides, I want to see you screw this up for yourself. It's going to be fun to watch."

"Thanks, Kuran. This is just great." Zero took a deep breath. "Let's go, then."

Kaname, Tsuki and Zero stepped over to the entrance of Wonderland. Kaname had a very bad feeling about this, especially considering Tsuki's words. Zero had no idea what to expect, but figured if he expected everything nothing would take him by surprise. Tsuki knew exactly what was coming, and made sure he had his camera on him. If he played his cards right, he would be able to exploit the fan-girls. That was, if Kaname and Zero didn't screw it up for him.

~*~
End Chapter II.

Yup. Still have no idea how this story happened. But I hope you're all enjoying it. There will be even more insanity, but I promise it will make a little more sense. For most of this chapter, I ripped off an online series. A brownie to the person that knows what series it is. If you guess it right, there will be another surprise for you!

Now to my favorite part!

ben4kevin: Thanks for taking this story's review cherry! Glad you enjoyed the start, and I hope you enjoyed this one too!

Alexeia-09: Sweet! Glad to know that you still love Tsuki. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, too!

demoncookie8D: Yeah, my stories are getting more and more random. I'm happy to know that you enjoyed the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed this one, too!

Cult Grade Koolaid: First off, I love your name! Secondly, thanks for the review. It warms my heart to know that people are enjoying it. I also may have been on meth...And yes, this being under Drama was a crack at it. There isn't anything really dramatic about it.

Larn555: I hope this is more enough for you! Thanks for the review!

To everyone who has alerted/favorited: Thanks ! It means a great deal. Still, it wouldn't kill ya to leave behind your thoughts.

To everyone else: Read, review and then favorite and alert.

Until the next one, have a great day!

Peace.