Oh boy guys. It has been a REALLY long time, and I'm sorry. There were good excuses in the beginning, but really I've had this chapter done for a while and I'm so sorry for not editing and posting earlier. I'm terrible, I know.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy. Maybe go back and reread some first if it has been too long. SORRY. This picks up right after Kate decides to sleep at her apartment instead of staying with Castle. Here's the last paragraph:

"Two hours later, they were saying goodnight at her door, like teenagers on a first date. He was a little afraid to touch her, afraid to draw her attention to her ever so slightly enlarged waist by placing his hands there. So he held her hands in his own, looked her in the eyes, and then leaned forward and kissed her. Kissed her like it was their first date and he was trying to do nothing but make an honorable impression. So warm, so soft, so perfect. Like they were innocent. The whole thing was sweet, really, and utterly adorable. Exactly what she needed."

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. Or the characters.

Kate woke up the next morning and groaned. The sun was streaming in through her window and straight into her eyes. Great. Her body was sprawled out over the bed, and the pillows were on the floor. She tries lifting her head an inch to peak at the clock, but something in her neck pulls and with a whimper she's forced to lay her head back down. Well, she didn't really want to get up anyway. She knows he's not there, but she stretches her fingers towards the edges of the mattress anyway, and feels a sense of sorrow when all she finds is cold sheets.

It's like a marathon; dragging herself out of bed and towards the shower. And then when she finally makes it all she can manage to do is sit down on the tile and let the water cascade over her. She can't explain it but it's like the world has stopped. Is it numbness or unbearable pain? Or numbness because one person can't possibly feel all of this pain. Sleeping without Castle was a stupid idea. A really really stupid idea. Yeah, she's never let a relationship move this fast, but she's also never had a relationship with him. Let alone the whole baby thing. As a new wave of pain washes over her again, her tears mix with the water that's streaming out of the shower head and run down her face. If only baths were allowed.

She throws on a pair of her loser slacks, a flowy shirt, a blazer, and her comfy brown wedge booties, and grabs a protein bar on her way out the door. As if. She couldn't possibly eat right now. The only thing getting her out of her pajamas and through the door is the hope that Castle will be sitting loyally at her desk by the time she gets there.

And he is. Stepping off the elevator, a smile finally breaks its way through her, from her mouth to her eyes to the tips of her toes when she sees him. His cold exterior is broken too when he catches that first glimpse of her rounding he corner and moving towards him. He stands as she comes closer, and she ducks her head in what he assumes is embarrassment. He is suddenly thankful to his mother for drilling into him these kinds of small etiquettes that he hopes will show her just how well she deserves to be treated. He's prepared to sit back down before the boys come back in, however, when she takes the last few steps towards him at a run and crashes into his chest.

"Oof," he lets out as the force of her winds him. "Hey…"

"Mmm…" is all he receives in return. It's kind of a contented sigh, a quick hello, and a smile all wrapped in one.

He pulls himself out of the hug to see her. Her eyes are sunken and she's put minimal effort into her makeup and hair. She's one indisputably beautiful mess, but she's still a mess. His lack of sleep is mirrored in the bags under her eyes and somewhere in this quick evaluation of her, his smile fades along with the momentary elated feeling because she's so broken and he wasn't able to help.

"I know, I know, I look like crap. Got up late." She ducks her head and looks sideways towards her desk. It's true, she did get up late. But she's not going to tell him that she woke up late due to not falling asleep until early morning all because he wasn't there to hold her. Nope, not going to tell him that.

"No, you are beautiful."

"And you are full of crap."

"No I'm full of hunger," he says, and tries to smile.

"You thought that was a really clever thing to say didn't you?" It's what she's supposed to say, and it's their norm, but it doesn't feel right. There is no bite to her words, they simply fall flat before him.

"Well…"

"You are losing your game Castle," she quips lightly, and with a soft pat on his cheek, she pulls out of his arms to sit down in her chair.

She plops down a little too hard and turns to glare at him.

"Did you touch my chair again?" She's glaring, but it has no effect on him. Her genuine frustration brings out more of her old authoritative self, and he so wants to smile.

"Why? Something wrong Beckett?"

"You moved it! It's way too low. How many times have I told you not to touch my chair?"

"Well if you didn't keep the back of it so vertical and the whole thing almost too high to put your legs under the desk…" Castle is almost cracking up now and it is all she can do not to slap him and then crack up herself.

"Oh so it's my fault?"

"Oh it's always your fault. Duh." It comes out of his mouth with a signature smirk and she knows he's kidding, but she can't help the way her heart stops and her stomach drops. Whatever hint of a smile was there before has been wiped from her face.

"It's all my fault." Her own words from just two days ago reverberate around her head and she can physically feel herself start to lose it. The way her eyes go wide and start to flit around the room before her whole body goes rigid.

"It's all my fault." He didn't mean it that way. He doesn't think it's your fault. He doesn't believe you killed your baby. He was just being facetious about something entirely unrelated. She knows each one of these statements is true, but the currently fragile seams holding her emotions in place are ripping in the middle of the bullpen anyway.

The second he closes his mouth he knows what he has done. He sees her unfold quickly before him, and looks around for a quick exit. The stairs are probably the only sure place without cameras or constant onlookers, and so he takes her hand and pulls her towards them. It isn't lost on him what has just passed between them.

She comes without question. The authoritative air that she usually wears so proudly around this place has vanished just as quick as it came. When his hand reaches the handle of the stairway door he almost lets out a bitter laugh at the irony. This is the same door she disappeared through two days ago with words not so different from the ones he has just uttered. How incredibly stupid of him to let something of that nature slip.

She starts shaking her head when the door slams behind them. Hands on his chest, she's resisting the embrace he's trying to place on her. If he hugs her, she knows she'll shatter completely, before the day has even started.

"Kate I'm so sorry."

She continues to shake her head violently at the ground. Eyes shut tight and lips pursed together, she leaves no openings for the emotions to slip out. But even his Beckett is only so strong.

She gasps, wild and dramatic and unable to suppress any longer. And then she's gulping down air to keep herself above sobbing but even those deep breaths are riddled with shudders.

"You didn't-" she hiccups- "mean it that, that way."

She's reading him perfectly and she's not even looking at him. She's protecting his feelings and he's the one who just messed up. Oh he's so stupid. Sometimes- okay well, most times, he doesn't think before he speaks. And sometimes it really comes back to bite him in the ass.

"It doesn't matter how I meant it."

She lets out an exhaled "Not mad," but doesn't raise her eyes to his.

He cups her face between his two hands and caresses the skin underneath his thumbs. Their heads lean in and rest against each other and he just wishes he knew how to fix her. When he speaks, it is barely above a whisper.

"I know you're not mad. But I'm still sorry. Kate I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Kate." Hopefully she hears the pain in his voice and understands how dreadful he feels.

She keeps her eyes closed and continues to breathe, concentrating on the circles that he's making on her cheeks. It's a slow therapeutic, and it takes a solid few minutes before she has managed to steady her breathing and stop the flow of tears threatening to spill over her eyelids.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs back.

"Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm sorry."

"We're pretty messed up, huh?" Her hushed remark earns a much needed laugh from both.

He pauses, but she doesn't continue conversation after that. "Do you want to go back?" he asks tentatively, and gives her time to respond.

She nods and then pauses to look up at him. The fear in her eyes astounds him. "Can we stay here a couple more minutes first?"

"Of course."

"And then stay with me for paperwork?"

"Of course."

He freezes, listening intently. His phone is buzzing in some other room. And now he's running around the house, trying to find it, stopping on occasion to listen to what direction the vibration sounds are coming from. He finds it on top of the fridge, where he placed it before dinner when trying to get too many things out at once. It has already stopped ringing, and he hits the little home button so that the screen lights up. Three missed calls- Kate. Three. His brain stops to a halt. She's- she's supposed to be going to dinner right now with her dad. They said goodbye not even two hours ago, and she was fine. Well, she's not fine, but she was managing to outwardly lookfine, which is something.

Redialing and waiting to hear the ringing, he goes and sits down on his couch. No, he's only sitting down for half a second before he has to get up and walk around again. Pacing. But he doesn't have to wait for long. She picks up halfway into the first ring. He waits for her to talk, to yell that she's in trouble, to get mad at him for not picking up, something.

But she doesn't say anything. He can hear her breathing through the phone though, and knows she's there.

"Kate?"

She hums in response, but doesn't speak. He has no idea what that's supposed to mean. What is he supposed to do with that?

"Um… are you okay?"

Stupid question Castle, really stupid question. He needs to figure out how to read her over the phone better. Or just come up with better conversation starters when it comes to this new and slightly damaged Kate.

"Did you get any work done?" Her voice is ever so soft and timid, clad with a sniffle at the end.

"I outlined a new chapter, so yes, wasn't completely unproductive." He doesn't understand, but he's humoring her, hoping just going along with her will bring whatever it is out.

"That's… good."

"It is… um Kate?" He's just going to pluck up the courage and ask her what's wrong. But she cuts in before he has the chance.

"Did you hear anything from Alexis?"

"Ah… well no, not since yesterday. But I'm sure she's fine. And I'm trying not to be too clingy."

"Good. Yeah. That's good."

The silence is the worst part. They used to be so good at filling in the silences.

"Hey Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want me to come over?"

"I mean only if you…" She stops and exhales. "Please."

And then he's shoving on pants and grabbing his wallet, slamming his door behind him. He hands the cab guy $100 up front, and that sure gets them going. He is there in 10 minutes flat, swearing that it has to be a record. He is up to her floor as fast as he can, taking two stairs at a time, never even pausing to consider the elevator. But when he reaches her door, he falters, scared of not being strong enough to handle whatever she's going through. He takes a deep breath, and knocks.

She doesn't answer. Upon trying the door however, he realizes that it's unlocked. That is not only weird for NYC, but especially weird for her cop-like tendencies. His hands fumble with the door once he is inside, trying to lock it up behind him. When he turns around and faces her living room, expecting to see her coming to make sure it's him, he finds nothing but an empty room and more silence.

Writing sad stories really takes a lot out of you, I have to say. I hope you're still enjoying this story though. Please review! I hope to get another out before the weekend is over. (And reviews really really help, I swear haha)