Summary: That's all he'll ever do.
Characters: Kiba-centric, a little NaruHina
Warning: Angst, character death, some mature themes (no sexual contact or romance), tiny bit of swearing
Note: Written to cure writers' block.
000ChasingInCircles000
Kiba had a mission.
To make his family proud.
He fails.
Whatever he does, whenever, always comes out as a failure to the eyes of his family. He can act tough, act as a team leader, act responsible, but it will always just be what they always were. An act. Acting doesn't accomplish much in the Inuzuka world.
'Another failed mission? Why am I not surprised?'
Now his family is gone. But he's still the runt of his pack. The member that will be tossed aside and left for the crows.
He laughs it off, because he's always known that it was all an act.
Kiba had a mission.
To become a real Inuzuka.
He fails.
He's never had the courage to do so. A real Inuzuka must sacrifice himself for the sake of family. He doesn't think he's really ever loved his family. Respected, maybe. But loved?
No. Not a chance.
In result, he can't sacrifice himself for them either.
A real Inuzuka is as hard as rocks. They have natural leadership. Kiba? All he does is shout at people, rush into battles, and think for himself instead of working together.
Inuzukas are supposed to be loyal to teammates, forever and ever.
He left Shino out there, in the forest, to die.
He tries to laugh it off, because dogs have always had a tiny spark of rebellion.
Kiba had a mission.
To be the best shinobi.
He fails.
His team is disbanded. But now that he thinks about it, is was disbanded ever since it got created. Team eight. The failure.
All because of one Inuzuka Kiba that couldn't shut up his big mouth. Because of one boy that wanted to take charge, ignored his teammates, and failed.
He is now shunned by all the other shinobi, and works in the fields for pocket money. Some days he waters the plants by crying, instead of just using the hose. But he likes it better this way; at least he knows that his despair is bringing joy to something, at least. But is that what he really wants? No.
Has he ever saved a life? No.
Who's the best shinobi, you ask? Well, it's Naruto. He stopped the second war, he's the one who saved countless of people. No one will ever write about the Adventures of Great Inuzuka Kiba. No, 'Kiba' will be replaced with 'Naruto'.
'What you lack is perseverance.'
Screw it. Screw you.
Nothing matters anymore, to him.
He bitterly laughs it off, because he knows he's never had a chance in the first place.
Kiba had a mission.
To be the best master he could be to his partner.
He fails.
Akamaru is dead (he couldn't even get revenge; damn it), fallen to an arrow in the head. He weeps, only to be looked down on by his family members. They all offer him another partner, but he doesn't accept any of their words. It wouldn't be the same.
He misses the nuzzle of chocolate-brown fur by his side, the bark that came from the top of his head, supporting him.
He misses being with someone. He is covered by the shroud called 'loneliness', and that alone can hurt even more than death.
He wants out. Out out out out out.
But he can't have it. Because there's no way. The only thing close is to stand by Akamaru's grave in the rain, blending his tears with the drops of water that fall from the sky and whisper (I'm so sorry) to the dead body beneath. But it just causes the hole in his heart to be even bigger.
He laughs hopelessly, because he knows it's all he can do.
Kiba had a mission.
To beat Naruto.
He fails.
He wishes he didn't fail (what has wishing ever done?) but it's Naruto who blew up the Akatsuki base and freed the tailed spirits, not him. No, he was somewhere off in the Wind Country on border patrol because he's so damn useless.
No one even told him. Why didn't they tell him? Oh, right. Because he'd mess everything up.
Good enough. Nobody wants Kiba on an important mission for the world.
Just like the Sasuke Retrieval Mission. He had to get help from Kankuro (damn Kankuro, saving his stupid life) in order to even come back home. They didn't even win. And everyone knows it's Kiba's fault for being so tactless and arrogant, just charging into battle without even analyzing the opponent.
And it's Naruto that got Sasuke back, turned him to the good side, and defeated Akatsuki with him. Not him. It was never him.
He laughs with venom, because he knows it's useless to do anything else.
Kiba had a mission.
To win Hinata's heart.
He fails.
She's always swooning over Naruto, who's so nice and kind and heroic. But she likes (tries) to hide it by accepting his offers to dates, with smiles a bit too wide and laughs a bit too forced. But in the end, it's Naruto she goes with, because he'll always fail at everything.
Before, fifteen years ago, he thought that Naruto would be living alone, while he and Hinata lived in a big mansion. After fifteen years, it's him that's standing enviously outside of the NaruHina mansion until the people tell him to leave. He leaves little tear drops, just so they know that he was here.
He doesn't care that much anymore, because by then, he knows that he would always be dead last. They have a son. He's beautiful as his mother, and strong as his father. Kiba can't help but feel with heartache that it might've been his son he would be fussing over about right now. But he isn't, because he's a total failure.
Everyone has their own families to take care of. Nobody has the time for him anymore. It's like he's been erased entirely. But he still tries, because, well, he's stupid.
He forces a laugh, because he knows that it's hopeless to change it, and tries to move on. But he can't.
Kiba had a mission.
To be proud, of something, anything that would make him right again.
He fails.
How can he be proud of anything if his life is full of failure, failure, and more failure?
Everyone is proud of something. Everyone. All he has to be proud for is the tricks that he used to play on teachers during his childhood, but that won't get him anywhere in life.
Nothing. You can do nothing.
The only way to break the circle is to stop. Stop everything he's doing, right now, and start over. But at age thirty-three, that's pretty hard.
He doesn't. He doesn't stop, though all the signs point to failure. He lies to himself (There's hope, there is) and keeps going. Just to see if anything changes.
It doesn't.
He laughs, confused, because he knows where it all went wrong, but pretends he doesn't.
Kiba had a mission.
To succeed.
He fails, as always.
He laughs, because there's no hope. Not anymore.
Kiba had a mission.
To be loved.
He fails, and that's when he knows his life was a complete waste of time.
At age thirty-nine, he stands in the backyard of his house, right across from Hinata's mansion. The silver of the kunai reflects the sun, causing a splotch of light to rest on his shoulder.
A part of him wishes that someone would come out, stop him. Just someone, so he'd had a reason to live. No one does.
He smiles calmly, because he's broken the circle.
He's free.