Shopping! 2 by Dark Side Luke

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, or any of the Star Wars characters…except for this Luke Skywalker action figure on my desktop. Isn't that right Luke?

Author's Note: Once again, I realize that Han has probably gone shopping at least twice in his life. That's a minimum. Anyway, everyone's sort of out of character. And to Lady Croft: No, they're not stoned. They are just really, really dumb.

Han Solo looked in exasperation at his wife, Leia. He opened his mouth to form words, but could not find the correct words to say and he forgot how to work his jaw in shock.

"Sh-Shopping?" he asked after several moments. Leia nodded.

"We need food," she said, handing him a list of items. He took it in numb fingers, not sure what else to do. "Without food, we can't eat. We don't eat, we starve."

"I know how it works!" Han retorted. "But…why me? Why can't you go?"

"I have a speech to write," she said, turning around and walking to her cluttered office. Han had always seen Leia as an organized person, but after marrying her, he found she didn't quite know the definition of the words "filing system."

"Take Chewie if you want," she continued without turning to look at him. She stopped and touched her chin, as in thought. "Take Luke too. He's been shopping before. He told me all about it once. He seemed so excited about it…" She muttered into incoherence.

Han stood there for several moments, shocked and appalled. What if one of his buddies saw him at the grocery store? It'd be embarrassing. But, then again, he'd wonder how one of his friends saw him there without going there themselves.

Maybe shopping wouldn't be THAT bad…

~*¤*~

Luke sat on the couch of his apartment, watching cartoons (he had recently discovered anime), when someone knocked on his door. He sighed in resignation and tried to stand up and found that he couldn't stand up.

The knocking came again, louder this time, and Luke tried to concentrate, tried to block out the anime, the jokes, the knocking, and concentrated on the Force. He levitated himself off the couch.

"Luke, you're not levitating in there, are you?" It was Han.

"Uh…No," he replied, walking to the door. "You know a Jedi should never use his powers for lazy purposes." He opened the door and saw Han leaning against the wall across the hall. Chewbacca stood nearby, combing something out of his fur.

"It never stopped you before," Han replied. "C'mon, we're going shopping."

"But I –," Luke started, pointing at the blaring television behind him.

"Nope. Let's go." Han motioned to Chewie, who stepped forward and grabbed Luke, easily picking him up and carrying him down the hall. Luke could only see Han closing the apartment door and following.

"Not shopping again…" Luke muttered.

~*¤*~

The Millenium Falcon landed in the parking lot by a grocery store of which Luke had not visited previously. The three shoppers stepped out of the old freighter and headed for the store.

Chewie growled something and Han said "Sorry Chewie, but I didn't see any closer parking spots. That's as good as I could get."

The Wookie pointed to a spot right in front of the giant store. Han shrugged and Luke sighed.

The automatic doors slid open and revealed that the store was next to empty, much to Luke's surprise. He had thought all grocery stores were busy all the time. His eyes opened wide in shock.

"All right!" Han said. "There's no one to see us! Let's grab a cart and buy whatever the heck's on this list." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and inspected it closely. "Right, bread." He pointed ahead dramatically. "To the bread section!"

Luke, holding the handles of the shopping cart, looked up at Chewie. The Wookie shook his head and shrugged and Luke laughed. They followed Han to the "bread section" and were surprised that there wasn't one. They scratched their heads and looked around, confused.

"How do you buy bread without a section devoted to it?" Luke asked aloud. "I mean, there are different kinds of bread. You need lots of space for lots of bread!" Han nodded his agreement, equally baffled.

Chewie said something pointing to a sign hung up on the ceiling. It read: "Bakery" with an arrow pointed to their right.

"It's worth a try," Han said, walking in the direction the sign had directed them.

They arrived in a small bakery, surrounded by the wonderful aroma of baking bread. They walked up to the counter and waited to be served.

Luke sniffed the air, inhaling the delicious air. "I guess this means we're in the right place."

An older human woman walked up to the counter and smiled brightly. "How can I help you gentlemen?" she asked.

"We need bread," Han replied. Luke and Chewie nodded.

"Wonderful. What type of bread do you need?"

Han, dumbfounded, turned to look at Luke and Chewie. They shrugged, just as confused.

"Does it say what type on the list?" Luke asked. Han inspected the list again and a look of dread appeared on his face.

"No," he mumbled. "What if I get the wrong kind? Leia might have a fit!"

"Please, bread is bread," Luke said, stepping up to the counter. "What's the most popular type of bread you have?" he asked the woman.

She arched an eyebrow. "Popular bread? All bread is popular. It depends on the person."

"See? See?" Han asked on the edge of panic. "I could make a big mistake! My marriage could collapse! I could –,"

"We'll take a loaf of white," Luke said to the woman, who nodded and went to get a loaf. She came back with a paper bag containing the bread and handed it to Luke.

"What's next?" Luke asked Han. Once again, Han inspected the list.

"Um…It says milk," Han replied. Chewie looked over his shoulder and let out an interrogative growl. "You're right," Han said. "We could get the wrong type of milk too. This is worse than the bread!"

They walked to the dairy section (it actually had a section!) and stood in front of the different types of milk, wondering what type to purchase.

"Well Luke?" Han asked. "Any bright ideas this time?" Luke shrugged.

Chewie grabbed a carton of milk and showed it to Han. Han grabbed it and read the label.

"Goat's milk? Give me a break, Chewie," he said, placing the carton back on the shelf.

Luke's eyes suddenly widened and he grabbed a brown carton off the shelf. "This is it! Everyone loves this stuff!"

"What is it?" Luke showed Han the carton and Han smiled lopsidedly. "Chocolate! That's a great idea! Everyone loves chocolate milk!" (A/N: If you don't I question your sanity…) They threw the carton into the cart, puncturing it, before putting it back on the shelf and grabbing another one, leaving before anyone could notice.

"That was easy," Luke commented. "Now what?"

Han glanced at the list and nodded, placing it back in his pocket. "Eggs," he said. "Eggs only come in one type…right?" Luke shrugged, pointing at the nearby section devoted to eggs.

"Chewie, grab some eggs," Han said, looking down one of the nearby aisles. "We're almost done this stupid list."

Chewie stood in front of the eggs, quite shocked that there were so many kinds. What happened to only one type of eggs? He grabbed the most expensive kind, thinking they were probably the best. He placed them carefully in the cart.

Luke took the handlebar of the cart once again and pushed it down the aisles, occasionally running and jumping onto it, letting his momentum drive him down the aisle. He suppressed a whoop of joy.

"Luke!" Han called. "We're done here! Let's go!" Luke frowned and sagged his shoulders, pushing the cart to the checkout counter.

They placed the items on the small conveyor belt so the young male cashier could swipe them over the small laser to add up the total amount of credits.

"Woah…" Han muttered. "I thought I'd have to add this up."

"Amazing, huh?" Luke said. "It freaked me out the first time I saw it too."

"I guess I don't need this then," Han said, pulling a calculator out of his pocket. He shrugged and handed it to Chewie, who put it in his utility belt.

"And the total is fifteen credits," the clerk said. Han reached into his pocket and pulled out a ten-credit bill. "Um…Luke?"

"I don't have my wallet," Luke said. "When you took me from my house, I didn't have time to get it."

Han shot a glance at Chewie, who shook his head, saying he didn't have pockets for a wallet anyway.

"Well what the hell good is that belt if you're not going to use it?" Han snapped. Chewie showed him the calculator and Han shot his hands in the air in resignation.

"Let's get rid of the most expensive item then," Luke suggested. "I'm sure Leia could pick it up later."

"Yeah, good idea," Han replied. He turned to the clerk. "What's the most expensive thing here?"

"The caviar is pretty expensive…"

"I mean on this counter."

"Oh…the eggs."

"Get rid of those then. Who needs eggs anyway?"

"I'm not a big fan of eggs myself," Luke said.

"The total comes to nine credits," the clerk said.

"Six credit eggs?" Luke asked, looking at Chewie. The Wookie shrugged once again.

After going back to the Falcon and dropping Luke off at his apartment, Han and Chewie went home to tell Leia of their magnificent adventures in shopping.

"Where's the eggs?" she asked. "I put eggs on that list, didn't I? Where's the list?"

"I, uh, threw it away when I was done shopping," Han lied, reaching a hand in his pocket and holding the list. "And I don't think eggs were on there." His eyes darted across the room, looking for an escape.

"Oh well," Leia said. She looked through the bag and pulled out the chocolate milk. "Han! Chocolate milk! How did you know? I was secretly hoping you'd bring some home!" She hugged him tightly and he smiled lopsidedly.

"Well, y'know, you learn to pick up on these signals," he said.

He smiled again.

~*¤*~

"And she didn't say ANYTHING about the bread!" Han said over the phone to Luke, who was watching cartoons on the couch again. "I'm a natural at shopping! I'm going next week. Wanna come?"

Luke frowned, remembering how Mara had come so close to beating Luke senselessly for not buying vegetables. He had to go shopping twice – twice! – just to get what she (and he, he thought after a while) needed. How could Han have gotten so lucky?

"Yeah…sure. I'll go."

~*¤THE END¤*~