Author's Note: I thought long and hard over what my hundredth story should be. I had so many ideas, but none of them seemed worthy enough; partially because I just couldn't pick a single genre! Then I was struck with an idea. I put my iPod on shuffle, and the first ten songs to pop up, I wrote about. They all deal with romance in their own little ways; and what better way to celebrate 100 than by celebrating Hotch and Emily?
So, thank you. For one hundred stories, for nearly two great years. You all have been the best readers I could ever ask for; not just readers, but friends as well. :) Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.
1. "Poker Face" - Lady Gaga
"I'll get him hot, show him what I've got"
"And baby when it's love if its not rough it isn't fun, fun"
Emily grinned salaciously as she saw him approaching her from across the bar. She could feel his eyes on her, drinking her in; the curled hair, the tight vermillion-red dress, the sparkly gold pumps. In the comfortable casino lighting, she was a different woman entirely.
She was a woman who could - and would - fulfill Aaron Hotchner's every fantasy.
Emily peered at him with smoky eyes, then who him a wicked smile. "I was wondering when you'd make your way over here; I need a dance partner, after all."
Hotch returned her smile with a dark one of his own. "And by dance partner, you mean..."
"Someone familiar to play against in a round of good, old fashioned Texas Hold 'Em. Though...you know what they say," Emily drawled, her voice husky as she closed the small distance between them.
"And what might that be?"
She let her lips rest against his jaw for a mere fraction of a second. "It takes two to tango."
Hotch growled a little, then pulled her flush against his body. They were unknown to everyone around them; they could...live a little. Take chances. Make risks. "Be careful what you wish for, Emily," he said lowly, his warm breath tickling the shell of her ear.
"Trust me, she said in return, smirking as she felt his body's obvious response to her proximity. "I know just what I want; and I'll get it, come hell or high water.
"You sure about that?" Hotch taunted, his smoldering gaze meeting hers.
"Oh, I'm sure." Slipping out of his embrace, she moved to the poker table and toyed with a deck of cards. "Because, if there's one thing to learn about me, Aaron Hotchner, it's this: I never lose."
2. "Famous Last Words" - My Chemical Romance
"I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home"
"Emily."
The brunette shook her head violently, her bottom lip quivering as her vision blurred with unshed tears. "How can you forgive me, Aaron?" she cried. "How can you possibly forgive me? I hurt you; I hurt the team. I kept them from the real me because I thought...I thought I was unlovable. I just wanted a family." She was outright sobbing now, her shoulders shaking violently. "And you gave me what I wanted! You trusted me, you took me in...and all I could do was break that trust and run away." Emily sank to her knees. "How can you even look at me?"
Hotch gazed at her intently, his heart clenching at the tears that rolled endlessly down her cheeks. "What do you want me to say?" he whispered. "Do you want me to lie to you, and tell you that I can't forgive you for what you've done?"
Emily merely hiccuped in response.
"No..." Hotch kneeled down beside her. "Emily, listen to me. So, sure, you kept Ian Doyle and your JTF-12 days hidden from the team. So what? You did it for your own sanity; you did it to protect us."
"But -"
"You did what you had to do to survive. And it's over. That's all that matters," Hotch insisted. His hands cupped her forearms gently, jolting her gaze up to meet his. "I know you don't believe me; maybe one day you will. But Emily...nothing you can do can stop me from loving you."
That was all it took; in a split second, Emily had fallen forward into his waiting embrace. She buried her face deep into the crook of his neck. "I just...when I was in Boston, looking for Doyle, I'd constantly glance to my left or right, looking for my partner; looking for you." She sniffled. "But you weren't there, and I realized, that's what I'd chosen; to be alone."
"But that's just it," Hotch murmured sweetly, rocking her back and forth. "You're not alone, Em. You never will be; not if I have anything to say about it."
3. "Lovesong" - Adele
He watched, frozen, as she made her way onto the stage. It was as if time had slowed down; all that mattered in that moment was the spotlight teasing out hidden fires in her midnight hair. All that mattered was how stunning she looked in black lace. All that mattered were the words she was singing...singing to him.
His heart thundering wildly in his ears, Hotch listened as Emily's sweet, smoky voice filled the crowded room.
"Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again."
Up on the small stage, Emily scanned the audience, her heart pounding - and not just from adrenaline. She had left the note on his desk discretely; all it had said was the club's address and a time. But now, as she looked for him, yearned for him, she began to wonder if he had gotten the letter at all...
...or if all her endeavors had gone to waste.
Emily was about to give up hope when she saw him. Her heart soared; he had come, he was there...
Aaron.
"Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again."
Hotch unapologetically pushed through the crowd, desperate for a closer look at the brunette who was always on his mind, always in his dreams. It was almost otherworldly; he was at the front of the throng of people when she spotted him.
Their gazes met.
A chill ran down his spine at the look in her eyes.
"However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you."
On any other night, Emily would have stayed on the stage and soaked in the applause, let it soothe her fractured soul. But seeing him in the audience left her with no choice. She flew down the side stairs, nearly tripping on her heels in result. And then, there he was, right beside her.
Emily was breathless, her eyes shimmering, her heart on her sleeve. "You came."
Hotch drank her in. "Of course," he whispered. Somehow, despite the madness of the crowd, she heard him.
"I...I didn't know how else to say it." She glanced at the stage, then back to him. "I didn't know how I'd...tell you."
"You didn't have to," Hotch revealed. his voice smooth like aged whiskey. "I knew it all along."
And then, his lips were on hers.
And the applause continued on into the night.
4. "Rolling In The Deep" - Adele
"The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all"
"I hate you."
Hotch recoiled as if he had been slapped. "Excuse me?" His voice was low, almost...dangerous.
"You heard me," Emily spat, her beautiful features marred by contempt. "After all we've been through..." She shook her head in disgust. "Night after night, when you'd hold me and whisper into my ear that you loved me...when you'd tell me that you couldn't wait to see what the future had in store for us...was that all a lie?"
"Emily -"
"No. I don't need anymore excuses, Aaron. All I want is the truth. Do I not deserve that much?" she asked, her gaze rising to meet his.
Hotch didn't answer; instead, he moved so that he was facing the wall, out of Emily's sight so that she wouldn't see the pain on his face. "I have managed," he said slowly, "to hurt every single woman I have fallen in love with. Look at Haley, Emily. What happened to her? She was murdered because of me. Look at Kate. She -"
Emily's heart dropped. "You did love her," she whispered faithlessly.
Hotch groaned out in anguish. "That is not the point!"
"Then what is?"
"Don't you see? I can't lose you the way I lost them; I can't hurt you."
Emily gazed at his back sadly. "But you are," she said simply. She didn't have to look at him to know that he had turned to face her; she could feel his eyes on her back. Finally, she sighed. "If it's what you really want -"
"No."
"- then take your ring." Slowly, solemnly, she slid the diamond engagement band off her slender finger. A single tear rolled down Emily's cheek. "I don't want it," she lied. "In fact...all I've ever wanted is to make you happy."
The room fell silent as Hotch struggled to control his sobbing.
As if in a dream - no, a nightmare -, the ring fell from Emily's weak grasp and clattered against the cold, unforgiving tile flow.
And just like that, the diamonds ceased to sparkle.
5. "The Reason" - Hoobastank
"And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you"
"Prentiss?"
Emily jerked at the sound of his voice, her heart nearly stopping in the process. "Jesus Christ, Hotch," she exhaled sharply. "You scared the hell out of me."
Hotch opened his mouth to say something more; but up close, he saw the unsuccessfully concealed bag under her eyes, the terse set of her lips, the tenseness in her shoulders. He saw all this, and wasn't able to say a word.
Emily fidgeted uncomfortably at his inopportune silence, then looked up at her boss, her friend...her confidant. "Hotch? You wanted to ask me something?"
His expression softened sadly as he gazed at her. Of all his agents, Emily had always been the toughest to read. She was intriguing, unique, a mystery; she was an enigma that he wanted to unravel. Finally, he sighed. "Are you alright?" he asked gently.
Almost instantly, an illogical sort of fear flooded her veins. Her mind began to run circles as she thought of the possibilities; he knows, she told herself. He knows what I plan to do; he knows about Ian, and JTF-12, and Declan, and...and Lauren.
He knows about me.
It was a frightening thought, so frightening that, for a moment, Emily forgot how to breathe. She felt her world crumbling around her, her past catching up with her, the walls closing in...
"Emily."
Emily blinked; and at once, the thoughts were gone. She managed to give Hotch the smallest of smiles. "I'm okay," she said unconvincingly. "Really."
Hotch frowned concernedly, and Emily had to physically restrain herself from bringing the corners of his lips into a smile with the pads of her fingers. "You're sure?" he persisted, moving impossibly closer to her now. "You look...hurt. Troubled. I just want to make sure you're okay."
Emily's eyes burned and she was forced to look away, lest he see her tears. "I'm good," she said once more. "I'm a big girl; don't worry about me."
"I know," Hotch conceded. "But...if there's every anything you want to talk about..." I'm here. For you.
His voice trailed away.
"You're sweet. But I'm okay." Again, she tried for a smile, and Hotch had no choice but to believe her.
"Okay," he said, more to himself than to anyone else. "Have a good night."
"You, too." He was walking away when Emily realized there would be no tomorrow for them; it was now or never. "Wait...Hotch?" she called out.
He turned on his heel, and for a second, his heart was written clear across his features. "Emily?"
Her heart fluttered at the use of her given name. "I just...I wanted to thank you. I don't want you to question me right now, or over think what I say. Just...listen," she pleaded. "Thank you. Knowing you has changed me. Being accepted and welcomed onto the team - your team - has helped shape me into a better person; a person I've always longed to be. You've touched my heart in more ways than you'll ever know; you've made me feel at home." The tears were free-falling now. "So, thank you."
"Thank you," Hotch countered, the brightness in his eyes dulled by a dreadful confusion. "Emily -"
"May I?"
Before Hotch could process what she was doing, Emily had left a chaste kiss to his lips.
Emily moved away, despite Hotch's efforts to hold her close. "Goodbye, Hotch."
Hotch was left with hardly enough time to realize she had said goodbye instead of goodnight; because, for the next day, and the days after that, Emily Prentiss was nowhere to be found.
6. "Numb" - Linkin Park
"I'm tired of being what you want me to be"
"Every step that I take is another mistake to you"
"All I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you"
"Hotch?" Emily rubbed at her sleep-laden eyes, sufficiently surprised. "What are you doing here? It's almost two in the morning."
Hotch stared at his feet pathetically; he couldn't even look her in the eyes. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, his voice raw. "I just...wanted to talk. Needed to talk," he corrected.
Without another word, Emily stepped aside to let him into her brownstone. "About?" she prompted.
"Haley." Hotch fell into a chair. "She left and...and took Jack with her."
Emily's mouth fell open in empathetic sadness. "Oh, Hotch," she breathed. "I'm so -"
"Don't say you're sorry; you have nothing to be sorry about. But...why?" he thought aloud. "Why would she leave? It's like," he shook his head, "it's like every single thing I did was a mistake in her eyes. Am I really that bad a person? I shouldn't be blamed; Jack shouldn't have to suffer." Hotch ran a hand through his already disheveled hair, then gazed at Emily, desperate for her assurance. "Right?"
Emily nodded, moving so that she was sitting beside him. "Of course. She wanted you to be someone you're not; that's not natural, that's not healthy. But look! Instead, you're a strong-willed, independent, fiercely loyal, and honorable man. And that's the Aaron Hotchner I know." Emily placed a kind hand on his shoulder. "You're not a bad person at all. In fact, you're just the opposite."
Hotch looked at her incredulously, his heart both clenching and swelling with gratitude. "Thank you," he whispered, his eyes sad. "God, why couldn't Haley be more like you?"
Emily's breath caught in the back of her throat. "Excuse me?" she asked, her voice still as sweet as ever.
Hotch coughed a little, then shook his head. "Nothing, nothing." Was she frightened, put-off, hopeful, unsure? He couldn't tell. A quiet sigh slipped past his lips. "Just...forget I said anything."
7. "Listen To Your Heart" - DHT
"Listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye"
"Do you really have to leave?"
Emily met his gaze, her eyes shimmering. "It's time for a new chapter, Hotch," she said in means of an answer. "You understand."
"I do," he admitted. "But...five years?" Five years gone, in the blink of an eye.
"Five amazing years," she amended, smiling. "Believe me when I say these five years have been the best of my life."
A tender silence lapsed between them.
Then, finally, Hotch came to his senses; it was finally time to take the reins. "Do you think, when you're done getting your belongings in order and saying your goodbyes...do you think we could talk, just for a minute?"
"Of course." Emily nodded over to her desk. "In fact, my stuff is already boxed; and Garcia and Jayje will never let me go, no matter how many goodbyes I say." She looked at him intently. "Did you want to go to your office, or -"
"I'll get you a cup of coffee downstairs."
Wordlessly, Emily followed as Hotch made his way to the elevator. It was when a cup of coffee - black, just as the BAU had raised her to love - was in her hand that they spoke once more.
"I just wanted to..." Hotch's voice caught; he swallowed thickly. Damn it, not now. Don't you dare chicken out now, Hotchner. You've gotten this far. Tell her. "I just wanted to wish you good luck." No!
Emily's smile grew as she looked at him, all flushed and ever so handsome. "Thank you," she murmured sweetly. She was curious, though; something about the look in his eyes. "And?" she prompted.
Hotch couldn't help it; he chuckled. "Am I that easy to read?"
"To the average Joe on the street? Not at all. But to a woman who has known you for five, nearly six years..." A short, cute laugh slipped past her lips as well. "Just a bit."
"It's nothing," he brushed off, though his heart clenched awfully. "It's nothing I want you to worry over; not when you're finally happy."
But Emily merely placed a comforting hand on his arm. "Aaron. Just tell me."
Aaron. She called me Aaron.
Hotch swirled his coffee idly, then finally looked her in the eyes. They had always been one of his favorite features of hers; so dreamy, so expressive, so dark...
He smiled. "I love you, Emily."
Emily blushed a little, then sighed contentedly. "You know...it's funny that you say that."
"Funny?"
"Because I love you, too."
8. "Breakeven" ("Falling To Pieces") - The Script
"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in"
"They think I'm dead, don't they?"
Hotch clenched his fists at his sides, willing away his tears. He had to be strong; he owed her that much. One single word echoed in the cold silence of the hospital room.
"Yes."
Emily's eyes slammed shut. It was in vain that she struggled to block out the pain creeping under her skin; not physical pain, but emotional pain. In the back of her mind, she had known that Lauren would catch up to her someday. But thinking about it now, about having to leave her friends and family...the only people she had ever loved...
It was the most crippling feeling she had ever experienced.
"Who else knows?"
Hotch gazed at her, his heart heavy, his eyes bleak. "JJ. She's with the others right now. She..." His voice broke. "She's stalling them. In order to give us five extra minutes."
That was all it took for Emily to dissolve into a round of body-wracking sobs. "Five minutes is all we get," she moaned into his chest as he moved to hold her. At the moment, she couldn't care less about the wires and tubes holding her down; she cared about nothing but the feel of Hotch's lips against hers as they kissed for the last time.
The kiss was soft and sweet, passionate and hard, desperate and sad. Hotch's unique cologne of citrus and spice and male musk filled her lungs as he whispered sweet nothings into her ear. And together, they cried, until their five minutes - their three hundred somber seconds - were up.
Holding onto his hand for dear life as he stood, Emily shot up a prayer to the heavens - a prayer for life and love and no more loss - and whispered one final plea.
"Please, Aaron...promise you'll wait for me."
His hold on his resolve weakening fast, Hotch took in a deep, harsh breath and brought Emily's hand to his lips. "As long as you promise to keep yourself safe -"
"I will," she said tearfully.
"- then yes." He kissed her knuckles one by one, in a silent farewell. "I promise."
And, with one parting glance to the woman he loved, Hotch was forced to slip out the door unseen, a heavy secret - a heavy burden - forever resting on his shoulders and in his heart.
9. "42" - Coldplay
"Those who are dead are not dead
They're just living in my head
And since I fell for that spell
I am living there as well"
Night after night, try as he might to prevent them, horridly beautiful visions haunted his dreams. Visions of Emily, gloriously naked and stretched out beneath him, clutching to his shoulders as he connected them in the most intimate of ways. Visions of Emily with her head thrown back in absolute rapture, her midnight hair mussed, her cherry red lips swollen...swollen from his kisses. She would beg...beg for completion and freedom and release. And he'd give it to her willingly, and she'd scream out his name, and -
And he'd hold her as her breathing steadied. He'd whisper to her just how much he loved her. And she'd smile her pretty smile, the same smile she would reserve for when she'd walk down the aisle in a pure white gown.
And they'd be happy.
Night after night, Hotch would dream this. And night after night, Hotch would wake to an empty bed...an empty heart.
Just like tonight.
Sweating, Hotch pulled himself out of bed, not caring that he had kicked his sheets to the floor. His digital clock told him that it was almost four in the morning; there was no use trying for sleep now. Instead, he staggered into his harshly lit bathroom, staring in disgust at his haggard reflection.
Because the fact of the matter was that Emily was missing. Neither he nor JJ had heard news of her for much too long, and it was starting to have a ghastly effect. She was a strong, intelligent woman who could take care of herself; this Hotch knew. But that didn't stop him from thinking up possible situations, situations where Doyle had her in his grasp and...and...
Bile rose in the back of his throat.
Hotch didn't know how or when he had managed to stumble into his kitchen. But that was the extent of his thinking; instead, he instinctively reached for a glass tumbler and a half-full bottle of his favorite single-malt whiskey.
His savior.
He knocked back glass after glass after glass, forgetting about Jack, forgetting about the job; focusing, rather, on the happiness he felt when he met with Emily in his head...in that warped paradise.
Hotch was at the bottom of the bottle and wondering dazedly if Emily actually was real when he heard an all too familiar knock on his door.
10. "Never Say Never" - The Fray
"Some things we don't talk about
Rather do without"
"I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
To steady your hand"
"Aaron?"
He pressed a gentle kiss between her shoulder blades. His voice was soft, smooth as velvet in the suspended silence of the bedroom. "Yes, baby?"
Emily turned, in his arms, to face him. "Thank you," she whispered. Even in the dark room, her eyes shimmered - with tears? Maybe. With love? Absolutely.
Hotch gave her the smallest of smiles. "For what?"
"For..." Emily downcast her gaze. "For not judging me."
He tightened his hold around her waist, absentmindedly tracing nonsensical patterns on her bare skin as she nestled infinitely closer. "I know what it's like to be in your shoes...remember? You had Doyle; I had Foyet."
She nodded, burying her face into his chest unconsciously. She had never felt as safe as she did in that one moment, skin to skin, heart to heart. She twined their hands together, then traced over the scar that marred her abdomen. A beat later, Hotch was guiding their hands over his scars; his daily reminders. "Maybe that's why you and I are so good together," Emily mused aloud.
Hotch tucked the blankets snugly around them, making sure to keep Emily warm. "Maybe," he agreed. "Or maybe it's because I love you so much."
Emily felt her cheeks begin to heat. Not knowing what else to say, she left a feather-light kiss to the base of his throat. "I love you, too."
"I know." He raked his fingers through her hair, knowing it soothed her. "Now get some sleep, sweetheart; you've had a long week."
She shifted in his embrace. "But...you said you wanted to talk?"
Hotch shook his head, an unspeakable weight off his shoulders. "Some things can be left unsaid."
Once again, the tears threatened to fall. They were spooning now; it was the proximity Emily needed, the proximity she had craved for so long.
And now, finally...they were there.
Emily let out a shuddering sigh as she willed herself to fall asleep. "Don't ever let me go," she whispered.
Hotch hummed against her porcelain skin. "I'm sorry?" he asked confusedly.
"Just...keep holding me."
His brow smoothed as his eyes fell closed. Sweetly, Hotch smiled as he allowed sleep to take him into its gentle folds.
"Always, Emily. Always."
Author's Note: Reviews are love. Please tell me what you think! There's nothing I love more than hearing from you guys, so please don't be shy. No matter short or long, signed or anonymous, your feedback means the world to me - and has for two years and counting. Thank you in advance!