Merle was struggling to organize all the thoughts and feelings that were whirling around in his brain like a hurricane. It didn't help that Beth had almost purred when she'd said "I love you". He'd been so diligent at denying his feelings for this innocent Gift from God all these months… He squeezed his eyes closed and took a deep breath. He'd intended to just walk away, to think things over, but somehow his hand gravitated to Beth's head. It was almost as if he had no control over it. He stroked her forehead, pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and then very gently massaged her temple with his thumb.

"I…I – " he stammered, trying to construct a cohesive sentence. He tried to avoid those blue eyes that were looking up at him so innocently, so adoringly… "I'm sorry…. I can't – I - I've got to go away and think about things… I mean – " He suddenly met her eyes and for maybe the first time in his life there was fear and uncertainty in his gaze. Beth took his hand and placed it over her sternum. "You go ahead and think about whatever you need to, but I'm sure you'll eventually realize that the heart wants what it wants."

"It's late," was all he could think of as a reply. "You should go get some sleep.

‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡

"Oh no, oh geez," Carl came bursting out of his room, hopping on one foot then the other as he pulled on his boots.

"What's wrong?" Sasha asked. She and Allison were just returning to their rooms after their guard duty shift.

"Judith!" Carl gasped as he fell backwards onto his bottom while pulling up his left boot. "She – she got away!"

"What do you mean?" Allison was confused.

"I was watching her and I…well, I might've fallen asleep for just a minute," Carl explained as he stood up. "Next thing I knew the door was open and Judith was gone."

"You didn't lock the door?" Sasha asked.

"Guess I forgot," the boy said as he fought back tears.

"She's pretty advanced for her age," Allison remarked, "being able to work a doorknob. Let's all calm down and follow her trail." She pointed to the tiny footprints that had been left in the snow. The trio followed Judith's tracks and found her sitting down in the snow behind the long building that served as their housing. The child didn't start crying until she saw the adults approaching her.

"Oooh, poor freezing baby," Sasha cooed as she picked up Judith and cuddled her. But Judith was still fussy and kept repeating an extremely rude word as she attempted to point with her chubby fingers.

Allison rolled her eyes and explained, "She wants her duck."

"Her what?" Sasha asked.

"Her duck," Carl replied as he wandered around the nearby area, looking for Judith's favorite toy.

"It's this plastic duck that Maggie found for her back when we were at the prison," Allison said as she slowly scanned the ground. "Judith has been carrying it and sleeping with it and even teething on it ever since."

"Oh, yeah, I've seen her holding it," Sasha remarked. "Don't think I ever heard her call it by…er, name…"

"Found it!" Carl announced, seeing a bit of bright yellow contrasting against the white snow. He handed the toy to Judith, who immediately stuck its tail in her mouth as if it was a pacifier and then cuddled up into Sasha's bosom.

"Only problem is," Allison commented as they all walked back to Carl's room, "even though Judith can sort of pronounce a 'D' sound – she says 'Dada', after all – she still can't say 'duck' properly. Instead it sounds like – well, you heard what she said." The two women stripped off Judith's wet clothing and warmed her up by the fire while Carl fetched some dry clothes for his sister.

"It probably doesn't help," Allison added, "that Merle and Abraham both laugh whenever she says f*** instead of duck. Just encourages her."

"I don't mean to criticize," Sasha said to Carl, "but if Judith is at this Age of Exploration toddling stage, you need to make sure the door is locked when you're minding her."

"Yeah, you're right, I know," Carl seemed sheepish.

"I get it," Sasha added. "We're all exhausted most of the time. No one's blaming you for dozing off. We just need to start acknowledging that there's a naturally curious toddler here with us and we probably have to take some extra steps to protect her."

Carl already felt bad enough for falling asleep on duty, and even though he was grateful that Judith was found alive and well, something about being reminded for the umpteenth time how he'd failed at taking care of his sister started to irk him.

"Maybe later I'll ask Tyreese if you ever ran away when he was babysitting you," he said quietly.

"Hey!" Sasha replied. "I was an absolute angel! Wish my Mama was still with us so that she could tell you how much of a problem child Tyreese was!" She'd been very serious at first, but a moment later she shook her head and laughed out loud. Carl and Allison joined in with her laughter, partly as a release from the only-so-recent tension and fear.

‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡ ‡

"You think it's getting near Christmas?" Tara asked Merle as they patrolled the perimeter during late-night watch duty. "I remember reading how back in ancient times, folks could tell the time of year by looking at the stars in the sky."

"So you were one of those science geeks in school, huh?" Merle remarked distractedly.

"No, I read it in a textbook I found not long after The Turn. My sister and I raided the nearby apartments for supplies…and eventually for anything to just keep us busy and pass the time."

"I'm no astronomer," Merle replied in an authoritative tone, "but judging by the sudden snowfall, the harsh bite of the wind on the flesh when it blows and the placement of the North Star in the sky, I'd guess that it's probably late December." He used his binoculars to scan the horizon, even though it was almost pitch black outside.

"That's pretty impressive," Tara told him, "for someone who's not a 'science geek'."

"Maybe it helped that I asked Abraham to check his calendar watch yesterday to see what day it was," Merle smirked. "And today is December 21st."

"You cheated!" Tara poked fun at him, trying to get a smile out of the man. "December 21?" She added as an afterthought. "That's usually the first official day of Winter. The shortest day of the year. Starting tomorrow, the days will get longer."

"Great," Merle grunted.

The two continued their patrol in silence for the next few minutes. Tara had a feeling that Christmas wasn't Merle's favorite topic of conversation, so she plunged ahead with a question that had been bugging her for many months.

"So what's the deal with you and Beth?" She asked him.

"Huh?!" He was caught by surprise. It was almost as if Tara had been reading his troubled mind.

"I said," Tara repeated, "What's up with you and Beth? Are you a couple or what?" She paused as she paced a few steps. "It gets lonely on watch duty and I'm not above admitting I love a little bit of camp gossip."

"There's no 'deal', no gossip….just keep your focus on the job at hand."

"Get real," Tara rolled her eyes. "Anyone with 20/20 vision can see how she adores you, and how you dote on her just as much."

Merle was just about to protest, but on the other hand, he really felt the need to relieve this weight on his heart. Maybe get someone else's opinion.

"Well, yeah, I've noticed that she has feelings for me….but is that right? I'm so much older, and she's Maggie's sister. There was this thing…back at Woodbury…"

"Glenn told me all about it," Tara said. "Or at least a lot of it. Remember, he and I spent a lot of 'alone' time together until we eventually caught up with Maggie and Sasha and the others. We used to chat a lot about this, that and the other while we were on the road." She paused and looked through her rifle scope. "He even mentioned that you used to call that girl Andrea a 'rug muncher.'" She turned to face him, eye-to-eye. "We've been together as a group for – how long now? And you've never once made a joke or a nasty remark about me being a lesbian."

Merle turned away from her glance, feeling vaguely uncomfortable. "Yeah, so?" was all he could manage to say.

"So," Tara answered him, "I know that you've done and said some…things…but I also know that people can change." She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. "I never thought I'd find someone after The Turn, but then I met Alisha when Brian – I mean, The Governor – when he led us to a camp. She and I didn't agree on every single thing…she was more on board with the attack on the Prison than I was – but she was also very compassionate and caring… She saved my niece from a Walker attack once at the camp." Her eyes took on a faraway look.

"What happened?" Merle finally asked.

"I lost her during the attack on the Prison." She closed her eyes for a moment and then continued. "But I guess my point is, even though we didn't know each other for very long, and maybe in the previous world we may never have connected, we still cared very much for one another." She sighed heavily. "Right before she ran off during that big firefight at the Prison she took the time to make sure I was OK and made a plan for us to meet up after the fight was over…" She looked into Merle's eyes and added, "This was with bullets flying every which way over our heads. Alisha worried about me when I was huddled behind a car, scared out of my wits, wondering what the hell we were doing." She paced a few steps away and was quiet for a few minutes. She then turned and told Merle, "It just seems to me that all the rules have changed since The Turn. We fall in love much sooner than we used to, back when we had time to go on dates and get to know each other. Maybe desperation isn't the best basis for a relationship, but that's all we've got right now, right? And if you can find someone to care for, and who cares about you…isn't that a good thing?" Her brown eyes bore into his as if she was asking for confirmation.

"Yeah…maybe…" Merle seemed to be thinking out loud. "It's sort of like cutting through all the bullshit from Before. Trying to meet someone and then ask them out on a date and going through all that 'What movies do you like?' crapola to see if she had half a brain, or was she just someone who'd fuck you since you bought her dinner." After a beat he added, "Pardon my French." (Truth be told, he sort of thought of Tara as "one of the guys"…she wasn't necessarily "butch", but hey, he was new to all this lesbian stuff.)

Tara seemed unperturbed by his crude language. Instead she related a story to him. "I used to share an apartment with my sister, Lilly. She was a nurse. I had to have some oral surgery once to have my wisdom teeth removed. They were impacted, so I had stitches and needed to have the gauze changed regularly as it got blood-soaked…" She gave Merle a small smile and added "Pardon my gross medical stuff. Anyway, Lilly had to work during the day but I had a steady girlfriend, Samantha, at the time who'd said she'd come help take care of me." Tara looked down at her feet and closed her eyes. "She came over with a small bouquet of flowers but took one look at my face, which was swollen up like a bowling ball and said 'No, I can't do this' before I even asked for her help changing my gauze. I thought that she'd loved me as much as I loved her, but… " She turned and faced Merle. "She was repulsed by my swollen face and bloody bandages, and she and I had been dating for almost a year. I'd known Alisha for less than a month but she risked her life to come and comfort me when I was frightened and to arrange a meeting place after the fight was over. I dunno, it just seems that maybe these extreme circumstances that we've had to deal with since The Turn immediately brings out everyone's true personality. Like you said, no bullshit. When the chips are down, when push comes to shove, either we care for one another or we don't."

"Mmmnph," Merle semi-grunted. Tara's words made a lot of sense, but on the other hand, how could he possibly have a relationship with Beth with Glenn and Maggie no doubt remembering all that Woodbury stuff?