~ is internal speak between host and symbiote

bold is the symbiotes speaking with the symbiote voice

Sam POV

I slowly wake up. My head hurts like hell and I don't remember anything that's happened. I carefully open my eyes, but the light makes my head hurt more and I quickly close them again. I did see enough to recognize my surroundings. I am in the infirmary.

"Doctor, she's coming around." Someone says.

I try to sit up, try to move my hands, but I can't. I realize I am restrained!

"What's happened?" I croak, my throat dry. I open my eyes a tiny crack to see Janet now standing over me.

"Sam?" She sounds unsure.

"Yeah."

She gives me a drink of water and I feel marginally better.

"You gave us quite a scare..." Janet says.

"What happened to me? My head hurts..." Suddenly it comes back to me. "The ashrak. Wait...the Goa'uld in me? Jo...Jolinar?"

Janet sighs. "We got the ashrak. He was hurting you with some kinda ring that sent out a light beam. Teal'c and the Colonel got there in time, stopping him before he could finish the job. You was unconscious for quite a while, though." She clears her voice. "The Goa'uld inside you...we thought it was dead, but...I'm afraid it's not. It seems to still be unconscious, though."

"So that's why I'm restrained..."

"Yes, can't risk it waking up and taking control, then going off doing who knows what." She sounds apologetic.

I nod, slowly. My head still hurts like a thousand suns are exploding behind my eyelids, but at least the light isn't making it worse anymore. Strangely, part of me is glad the parasite isn't dead. I remember now, Jolinar tried to protect me against the ashrak, tried to let me live, even if it meant its own life. "I understand."

I look around, seeing two MPs standing near my bed. The door opens and my team comes through, followed by General Hammond. Janet or someone else must have called them here.

"How is she, doctor?"

"Awake, as you can see, and doing better."

"Captain?" Hammond asks.

"My head hurts, sir, but I'm ok otherwise."

He nods. "What about the parasite?" He asks Janet.

"Still unconscious, but growing stronger, I think."

"Can you remove it?"

"No, I'm afraid not. As you know, we did not have much success last time we tried, and it would be harder this time."

"Why? A snake's a snake, isn't it?" O'Neill says.

"The one in Kawalski was young, and infant. This is an adult. Not only is it larger, but it would presumably also have stronger control over the host body when awake..."

"Well, it's not awake right now." O'Neill points out. "Is it?"

"No, but Captain Carter isn't strong enough for an operation right now, and even if she is before the parasite awakes, there is something else as well. The Goa'uld was badly damaged in the attack, but it is healing at an amazing rate. As it heals, and regrows its body, parts of it seems to, well, grow into Captain Carter's body. It has sent out many connections and tendrils as well, presumably in order to better control the host."

"So much for its assurances it would leave her."

"For what it's worth, I think this is an automatic process, not a conscious effort. For all I know it may still be able to leave her - eventually. But it's making it harder for us to remove it."

"So, for now at least, it stays."

"Hey, I'm here too!" I tell them, more than a bit annoyed they're talking as if I'm not here.

"Sorry, Sam." Daniel smiles at me, a little nervously.

"She really is Sam right now." Janet assures them. "The Goa'uld isn't awake. See?" She points at a display beside the bed, showing two sets of brain waves.

My friends stay to talk for a short time before they leave. I get the distinct feeling they're not feeling comfortable around me. It's an unpleasant feeling and it makes me think. Even if Jolinar actually leaves me, will they ever trust me again? Will they ever be casual and normal around me, or will I be the one who had a snake in her head?

The head ache slowly diminishes. Pain killers apparently do very little for me right now, as does any kinds of drugs. I need massive amounts for them to have an effect. Jolinar apparently filters it out automatically, and the naquadah does something as well.

I stay in the infirmary, for almost two full days more, restrained. I am not a happy camper. Regularly someone will monitor the Goa'uld in me, I suspect there is a great many who is excited at this opportunity for more data on this species. So would I be, I guess, were it not for the fact that I happen to be the host of the creature they happily study.

I have little to do but think, and I am worried about my future.

First, I am a host to a Goa'uld...or Tok'ra as it calls itself. Is Jolinar speaking the truth? Is it/he not a regular Goa'uld? I tend to believe that, as I have not been suppressed to the degree I thought I would. The Goa'uld...Tok'ra has not punished me for anything, not caused me pain, and actually tried talking to me. That is NOT how I think of a Goa'uld. Also, Jolinar really did fight to protect me, to save me and was willing to die for me!

So, I am not really worried Jolinar is a traditional Goa'uld, and suspect this about the Tok'ra is at least...mostly true.

Second, can I trust Jolinar will actually leave me? I have no way to know, though he? sounded sincere, so...well, I will wait to make a judgment on this.

Third, yes, this is actually the truly bad one. Because Jolinar may not get a chance to leave me. It is much more likely we will both spend the rest of our lives as guinea pigs for Kinsey and his goons. The rest of lives that will be significantly shorter than they should have been, though perhaps not as short as we will then wish them to be.

I sigh to myself, and think of how to get out of this problem.

Suddenly, I feel...a presence in my head. Is Jolinar waking up?

~Yes, I am, and I have been following your listing of woes for the last few minutes.~

"You're reading my mind?"

~No, you are shouting at me, mentally, though I could read your mind if I wanted to. Which I don't, unless I absolutely have to. Besides, could you not talk out loud? Those guards over there are looking at you funny.~

I take a deep breath, then answers in my mind. ~OK, yes. Not that I trust you not to go through my mind. You clearly did earlier, taking stuff and using it against my friends!~

~That was, unfortunately, necessary, in order to blend in.~

I snort. ~Yeah, great job you did of that! Now see where that got us!~

I feel frustration from Jolinar. ~I...apologize. This was not my intention. And I did mean it when I said I would leave you.~

~Yeah, well, I suspect you won't get a chance to prove me wrong there...~

~No, I am aware of that. Your reasoning about those people from...NID? unfortunately sounds sound. ~

~I know.~

~We need to get out of here.~

~I seriously doubt Hammond is going to let us go, so you can forget about your plan to go offworld and find another host, or whatever it was you offered before.~

~He and your team are just going to let you be taken by the NID and experimented on? Tortured?~

~They don't have a choice!~ I still feel anger, though. Anger towards the NID, towards Jolinar because he is the cause of this, anger towards the ashrak...and anger towards Hammond and my team. I feel like hitting something.

~Calm down, your unstable emotions are causing havoc with the chemicals in your body, and are affecting me as well!~

~Sorry.~ I say, not meaning it. Jolinar is clearly not fooled, but ignores it.

~Another thing. I'm not male, I'm female.~

~Female?~

~Yes, that is, to be completely honest, symbiotes are genderless, so I guess I am an it, but I have always only had female hosts, and I think of myself as female.~

~OK...female then.~ Makes sense actually, she does seem female, somehow. ~Wait, what about the host I found you in? He was clearly male!~

~And so a good place to hide, besides sometimes the situation is such that you cannot be 'picky' in what host you take.~

~Yeah, I suppose that's true. I still can't believe you actually can find anyone who wants to be a host!~

~It is difficult, I have to admit that. However, sometimes a person agrees to be a host in return for being healed or cured from an injury or illness. Some will also join because they have nothing left, and nowhere to go, to start a fresh life. Some will join to fight the Goa'uld, and a small number will join simply to save another being who is in need. However, I cannot guarantee it will be easy or quick to find a new host, but I promise to do my best, and let you leave.~

~Well, that's appreciated, but as I said earlier, we probably won't get the chance. No one will help us or let us go.~

~Then we must escape on our own.~

~Are you crazy? I'm not going AWOL, and I am certainly not going to help an alien of the same species as our worst enemy, to escape!~

~You would rather stay here? Be used for experimentation by the NID? Die from torture? I assure you, it is not a good death! I also assure you they will learn nothing about the Tok'ra from me. I would rather die than betray my people!~

~Of course I don't want the NID to get their hands on me, and I don't think I want them to know about your people either!~

~What do you want then? I can kill us both, if you wish that. Unfortunately, I am currently too weak to leave you without killing you, otherwise I would offer to do that, even if I cannot get another host.~

I am shocked! ~You would do that? Leave me to die?~

~Yes, I will not remain in an unwilling host.~