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Chapter 4 - How Do I Shot Danmaku?

"Welcome to your sixth year here at Hogwarts. I do not know how, or why you were able to get into this class. Knowing the… talent, that I have witnessed you show in the past five years, I am afraid that I have my work cut out for me."

Snape swept his robes to the side as he turned about his desk. Dark eyes flashing between students, his lips curled up. "Indeed, I may have much to do to improve the performance of the lot of you. But enough for now." He paused, before turning back around, retreating to his desk.

Reaching his position behind his desk, he swept his beady eyes over the students, resting them on each and every one. Under the attention, Ron merely glared back, and Malfoy preened himself. However, Harry and his ghostly companion only grinned back at the man, causing his scowl to deepen. "Enough, we will begin. You dunderheads may not have much in the way of talent, with a few exceptions," At that, his eyes drifted back over to Malfoy, before returning to face the entire class. "But it is my responsibility to teach you to become more effective at defending yourselves."

He splayed his hands on the table, leaning forward. "To that effect, I will instruct you in the methods to silent spellcasting. Too long I have endured listening to simpletons bleating words out, crudely throwing their magic about. To be a competent wizard, you must be able to bespell, bewitch, and enchant your foes without giving yourself away."

Snape glared again at the students. "To that affect… Pair up. I do not care with whom at this point in time. However, I do expect there to be results. If you spend the time I have given you with inanities, I may have make an example of you." He blinked. "Use nothing more powerful than disarming spells or stinging hexes. I will not be happy if I have to send you to Pomfrey's care."

Shrugging, Harry turned to Merlin as hushed whispers blanketed the room. "So, I guess there shouldn't be a question here?"

The blue haired poltergeist merely grinned, as she is wont to do. "Of course there should be. Questions are always good. For example, why is that Professor's hair so greasy?"

Harry shook his head, taking care not to look at Snape. "I'm not quite sure. None of us have ever been able to figure it out. Although it might have something to do with potions."

The girl shivered, momentarily losing her grin. "Terrible things then, these potions." She looked Harry in the eye. "Are you sure it isn't too late for you to drop that class then?"

Harry shook his head, frowning slightly. "Considering what I had to go through to get into that class, I'd rather not. Why do you ask?"

Suddenly, her grin covered her face once again. "Cuz I don't want your hair to get all greasy, of course! That would make my hands all icky when I rub them through it."

Staring at her for a second, Harry couldn't help but to break down into soft chuckles. "Only you Merlin. Only you." Shaking his head, he pulled out his wand. "I suppose that we might just go ahead and get this over with. I'd rather not get any trouble called down on our heads."

"Oh, you're no fun." Smiling, she continued speaking. "Oh, but this should be fun. Come on, give me your best shot." Dramatically, she raised a hand to her forehead. "I know that I'm a knockout, so go ahead and knock me about."

He snorted. "That was bad, Merlin. Course, that's just the way you are, so I really shouldn't be surprised by this point." Quieting himself, he stretched out his hand, flicking his wand and attempting to cast a stinging hex.

The weak spell shot forth from his wand, but only travelled three inches before fading back out of existence. Merlin looked down at the wand, and grinned. "Oh, I was expecting something a tad more impressive than that, Harry. Or was that simply a premature ejection of the spell?"

Harry groaned softly to himself. "Oh, that one was even worse. And no, it's normally stronger. I'm surprised anything happened at all."

Merlin shrugged at him. "Who knows? Just try again. Maybe you'll be able to figure it out." After a few more attempted casts of the spell, none of which flew further than half a foot, Merlin shook her head and chuckled at him. "Oh, I think I know what you're doing wrong. You're not connecting with your magic!"

Looking blankly at the poltergeist, Harry said, "You don't say. Then what has this been coming out of my wand?"

Smirking at him, she merely said, "Are you sure you want to know?" Not waiting for his mind to catch up, she stepped forward to him. "But that isn't the point. You're doing this all wrong. You' need to feel your magic, and to let it fill you. You're just touching it now."

Harry raised an eyebrow, and ignored the prickling in the back of his mind telling him to back away. "How would you know that; last I checked, you're not exactly…" He glanced around, making sure no one was paying too close of attention. "Normal?"

The poltergeist shrugged at him. "I'm still a magical construct, either way you look at it. And besides, how would I be able to play my trumpet or create danmaku if I wasn't able to know magic." Taking a step even closer to him, her grinned widened even further, baring her teeth. "Just hold still, this won't hurt too much." At that, she pulled her arm back and thrust it into Harry's chest.

Nearly staggering back in shock, Harry looked down to see the ghostly arm of his friend penetrating him through his chest. Fortunately, he did not feel anything past the all-too-familiar chill that his friend always induced. "Merlin, what are you doing?"

"Yes, Miss Prismriver, what are you doing?"

Harry attempted to turn his head and face the source of his voice. However, as Merlin's arm seemed to have become attached, he was unable to see more than a flash of black. However, he still had that sinking feeling to tell him who it was that was watching them. Without further ado, the greasy haired form of his hated professor slinked around him, before staring down at the blue haired girl. "Indeed, Miss Prismriver, do tell us. I thought that I had instructed my students to practice silent casting. Whatever have you deigned to do instead?"

The poltergeist didn't even bother looking at him, instead squeezing her eyes and biting her tongue as she continued to prod Harry's insides. "Oh, I'm just looking for Harry's ball."

As the slam of a forehead meeting a desk issued from the background, Snape merely raised his eyebrow. "Oh? Do tell then, Miss Prismriver, why you believe you thought it would be a good idea to be so personal with your… boyfriend, in the middle of my class."

Merlin turned her head to face him, eyes widened in innocence. "Oh! No, I'm not looking for those balls; I'm looking for one of his other ones. Although, I have to say, those already belong to me. At least, everyone else keeps saying so."

The professor gritted his teeth, staring down at the young girl. "As entertaining as your love life is, Miss Prismriver, I care not one whit for it. Please remove your hand from Mister Potter, so that I may decide exactly how I will be punishing you two."

"Oh, just hold onto your hat for one moment, I've almost found them." She turned back to Harry, reaching in even farther. "Where in the world… Scattered everywhere… Some in heart, some in brain, some in left toe… got it!" With a snap, she yanked her arm out of Harry, who only stood there and blinked. See! Now you'll have a much easier time with it! Try now, just focus and fire."

Catching his breath and shooting a dubious look at Merlin, Harry ignored the irate professor and waved his wand at the wall, mentally repeating the animation. Shock covered his face as a multitude of spells flew out and splashed against the other wall.

"Wonderful! Now we're getting somewhere. Don't you worry, we'll get you doing danmaku in no time."

Snape looked between the two of them, before grabbing each of their arms. "Enough of that. Since you've decided to make such an example of yourself, I believe I'll have to duel you. Such progress must be rewarded, don't you agree?"

Not reacting at all to the man's aggressive actions, Merlin merely grinned at him. "Since I'm the one who taught him that, wouldn't that mean I'm the better one? And shouldn't a teacher test the best in their class?" Her smile grew to be unnaturally wide. "Besides, you aren't afraid of a little girl, are you?"

Snarling he spun around, dragging Merlin along with him. "Very well, since you're so eager, I'll make an example out of you first. Perhaps Potter will enjoy it more that way.

Seeing the look on Merlin's face, Harry was hardly worried. Shoving down his desire to kick the man between his legs for manhandling Merlin, he sat down on his desk.

As Snape nearly threw her to the far end of the room, he strode to the other side and removed his wand. Cape billowing dramatically behind him, he spun and faced Merlin. "Prepare yourself. I will not be gentle on you."

Merlin just blinked back. "Of course you won't. But I must ask, are the Spellcard Rules in effect?"

The man sneered, seeming to resist the urge to go ahead and cast a spell. "No they are not. This is a proper wizard's duel, and I care not for whatever system your home may have concocted."

The girl in pink merely stared at him. Slowly but surely, her constant grin grew as wide as it was possible for a human's to grow. Then, it kept spreading until it reached halfway up her cheeks, and she revealed rows of sharpened teeth that had not been there before. "Perfect then, I suppose I can have a little fun after all."

Taking pity on the man, who was slightly nonplussed at the Poltergeist's appearance, Harry called out, "Don't kill him Merlin. It'd be too messy."

Her smile almost vanished into a pout, before being replaced nearly instantaneously by one less extreme. "If you insist, Harry. But you didn't say anything about how much I could hurt him…" Nearly humming to herself, she snapped her fingers, causing her trumpet to appear in mid air above her left shoulder. "Are you ready, Mr. Greasy Haired Professor Sir? Or do you need the little girl to take the first shot?"

Suddenly silenced by her words, the professor verbally growled, before quieting. Giving Merlin the briefest of nods, he snapped the wand up into position, where it shot forth a purplish projectile at Merlin.

Staring idly at it, Merlin shimmer slightly as the spell approached. Surprising everyone but Harry, the spell seemed to merely slip through her before slamming into the wall behind her. Still grinning, she merely waves her hands as two streams of light materialize from behind her and stream forward towards Snape. Bringing up a shield, he blocked the streams, wincing as he did so. Raising his wand again, he lashed out with a stream of multicolored lights,

All of these proceeded to do nothing more than scar the floor as Merlin spun out of the way, launching another pair of her lasers. As they passed her head, they exploded into a shower of bullets, which made the man raise his shield once more.

Cowering behind it, Snape attempted to wait the bullet barrage out as a few hundred floating red balls pummeled into the shield, before shattering.

Merlin didn't even bother finishing off the professor, though. Still smirking widely, she stared at Snape as he slowly made his way back to his feet. "Does that mean I win, or do I need to make you forfeit?"

Snape grumbled to himself, glaring angrily at the girl. "I don't know what you are, but I will find out eventually. But as for now, get out. The lot of you."

Chair suddenly scraping, the class who had been silently watching the curb stomping that Merlin had given their professor gathered up their supplies and flung them into their bags, dashing to the door. Silently laughing at their reactions, Harry slowly packed his, knowing that there was no way he'd ever try to beat a rush such as this. After the crowd had cleared, he made his way up to the girl, who was still staring at the professor with her grin painted on her face. "Alright, Merlin, let's get out of here."

"Aww." She turned about and fixed Harry with a pout. "But I wanted to throw in one extra cheap shot."

Harry simply shook his head. "No, he's done. I think he got the message." He chanced a glance at the professor, who was still seething.

"It was your intention to send such a message? I'll be having words with the Headmaster later. But now, Potter, I suggest you take your bitch and get out."

Before Harry could shoot back any remark, Merlin just turned her head towards Snape, twisting it far past a human would have been capable. Smirking, she gazed over his shoulder. "On the other hand, I believe that you are about to become one, Professor Snape."

Suddenly stiffening, Snape turned around slowly. There to meet him was a dog, floating in the middle of the air. Rising to meet him at eye level, it slowly moved forward until it was nearly touching him. Grinning at him, the dog opened his maw and spoke one distinctly human word.

"Woof."

The whimper from Snape was the last thing Harry heard as Merlin ushered him out of the room. "We've got to give your godfather room to work, shouldn't we? After all, he's spent so long planning this. And an artist like him needs his privacy.

-oo-

"So, what was it that you did to me again?"

"Oh, nothing too bad all, Harry." Merlin laughed softly to herself, turning to walk by her companion. "In fact, you should be thankful. I did grant you a great boon."

Harry snorted. "Of course you did. Keep talking like that and you'll sound like that old hag in the stories you've spoken of."

Merlin turned and gave Harry the biggest wide-eyed look that was possible. "Sound like that old hag? Dear me, I suppose I will have to mind my tongue about you from now on. And such a pity. I thought you liked my tongue."

Rolling his eyes, he sighed. "Hardy har har. I'm sure it's quite nice, but that isn't the point." He raised his hand to his chest. "You did stick my hand in me, after all. I'm used to that, it's just the fact that you moved something around in there…"

The poltergeist floated over and patted his shoulder. "Oh do calm down Harry, I only moved around your magic. It's not like I gave your chest a ghostly handjob." She winked at him. "Or did I…" Grinning at the blush that crept up his neck, she continued. "Like I said, I found your magic and centered it. Can't you feel it now? A small pulsating ball about chest level. Just focus, and you can feel it."

Harry closed his eyes, searching for the feeling. Surprisingly, it was relatively easy to feel out. In his minds eye, he could almost see himself represented in the orb. "I think I see it. It's telling me… Telling me to take it easy?"

Snickering, the girl shook her head. "Be careful. You don't want one of them popping out. It ain't exactly pleasant." She launched herself into the air, floating beside Harry. "You might say that I went and upgraded your relationship with your magic. Remind me, have you ever kissed a girl?"

Harry looked away, face becoming covered with red. "You already wormed that out of me, Merlin. I did. Once. It was wet."

"I remember now, poor dear…" Suddenly, she leaned forward, placing her face right in front of Harry's. Breathing uncharacteristically hot air across his face, she smiled. "I might have to fix that, one of these days." Just as suddenly, she was back in her previous position, innocently floating along. "But think of it as a good comparison. Before, you had only tentatively kissed your magic. You've barely touched it. Now though, you're playing bedtop sports for indoor types with your magic! You're a lot closer!"

"Bedtop sports…?" His eyes crossed as he attempted to figure out what she was referring to. "Wait a second… You mean I'm having sex with my magic?"

"You're doing WHAT with your magic, Harry?"

Slamming his hand to his forehead, Harry turned to face the bushy haired friend of his that had apparently just stumbled onto their conversation. "It's not what it sounds like."

Hermione merely folded her arms and stared the two down. "Then what is it? From the sound of it, this poltergeist is doing perverted things with your magic!"

Harry shook his head at her, supplicating. "No, no, she's just using a metaphor to explain. And you know how Merlin is, she loves to be crude."

At that, Merlin turned towards Harry. "You mean you don't like it when I'm crude, H-Harry?" Her lip began to shake as her eyes grew to unnatural sizes.

Faced with the sight before them, Harry immediately turned towards Merlin in an attempt to fix that situation. "Nothing of the sort, Merlin. You know I love it when you're all perverted." The sudden silence, and the pulsating blood vessel on Hermione's forehead told him that the statement was not well received. "That… came out wrong."

Apparently, however, Merlin was satisfied with Harry's statement. "Oh, don't worry Harry, I know what you mean. I'll get the kinky stuff ready for later." Grinning once more, she turned to Hermione. "See, he's alright with it, so what is your problem?"

Giving a long-suffering sigh, the older girl narrowed her eyes. "Everything. You're messing with his magic, his very essence. There's no telling what you could be doing to him."

Merlin rolled her eyes at the girl. "Sheesh, Hermione. I've not done much of anything to his essence, whatever that is. Why did you put that in italics?" Ignoring the questioning looks from her companions, she pushed forward. "But no matter. I've done nothing to his soul, I've only messed around with his magic."

"Well, that's better at least. still-"

"At least, nothing much to his soul." She raised a finger to her lips, tapping it gently. "It's such a foreign object to my sisters and I. I may have accidentally jerked it around a time or two, but I didn't do anything too bad. At least very much."

Blinking at the smaller girl, Hermione paused for a few moments before asking, "A soul is a foreign object to you? Don't you have one?"

"Of course not." As the two humans stared at her, the constant grin on her face faded, slightly. "Remember, Miss Hermione, I am a poltergeist. I was never born, only created. I'm not the original Merlin, as she died a long time ago. After I was created, even." Forcing herself to smile again, she said, "It doesn't matter though. What was it that people say? I think, therefore I am. At least, I think I think." Turning to Harry, she asked, "Harry, do I think? Or do I merely think that I think?"

Shocked out of his momentary stupor, Harry laughed. "Nope, you don't think at all Merlin. You're a complete airhead, remember?"

Eyes sparkling, her grinned faded back into a more natural form. "Oh, that was what it was! I thought that I felt wind between my ears. Thanks for clarifying Harry."

"Anytime, Merlin."

Knitting her forehead at the oncoming headache, Hermione said, "Alright, alright. At least you seemed to have good intentions. And you didn't do anything pervy to his magic."

Sensing opportunity, the poltergeist suddenly whipped her head about. "Oh, I didn't do anything to his magic. The rest of him, on the other hand…"

Eyes blazing once again, Hermione turned to Merlin, and opened her mouth to begin berating her. As she did, Harry's head found comfort in the palm of his hand. "I wish I had someone here who could fix this."

"Have no fear, Nitori is here!"

At that, all three of them froze and turned to the new voice. A voice issued from a girl slightly shorter than Hermione, who also had blue hair, and wore a blue dress with an excess of pockets. Blinking at Merlin, who looked momentarily shocked before regaining her composure, Harry decided to ask, "Umm, who exactly are you?"

The girl seemed to bounce at the question, blue pigtails waving in the air. "I'm Nitori Kawashiro, the Super Youkai Warhead! I heard you had a problem that needed to be fixed. Perhaps I can be of some assistance?" At that, she withdrew a cucumber from one of the pockets and began to munch noisily on it.

The two humans glanced at each other. "I don't believe we quite expected something this extreme…" Turning to Merlin, Harry tilted his head at the new girl. "I don't suppose you know her?"

Nodding, the poltergeist flipped and floated over. "Naturally. If I'm correct, you're one of the Kappa from the Youkai Mountain."

Eagerly returning her nod, Nitori exclaimed, "Of course! I had been given directions to someplace here in the west that needed some work done. I just was passing by, and I knew that I had to help. Humans and kappa are allies, after all."

Hermione tilted her head curiously. "They are? I know the kappa we've been taught about are not fond of humans at all, unless we give them cucumbers." She eyed the quickly disappearing vegetable in the smaller girl's hand. "And they looked distinctly less… Human."

The girl just grinned at her. "Well, of course we don't. After all, do humans fling poop at each other like monkeys."

At that, Harry grinned. "Well, Fred and George loved dungbombs… does that count?" Hermione merely shrugged. "But where in the west were you going? It's not exactly easy to drop by here by accident…"

"Oh, someplace called Albuquerque. I caught a gap from Yukari here; she said it was a shortcut. How far to the place?"

Harry sighed and placed his head back in his hands. Sparing a glance at Merlin, he asked, "Yukari would believe that the best shortcut to the colonies from Japan is via Scotland, wouldn't she?"

"Yup, she would." Grinning, she floated next to Nitori. Peering over the other blue haired girl's shoulder, she asked, "Did she happen to give you anything? A guide perhaps?"

Looking up at the poltergeist, she withdrew a book from one of her multiple pockets. "Here you go! She said the directions were on here."

Grabbing the booklet, Merlin began to page through. Through her fingers, Harry could vaguely make out the word 'Script' written on the cover. Before he could ask what it was about, Merlin's head snapped back up. "Of course, here's the problem. You should have taken the left gap to Albuquerque, instead of the right gap."

Nitori merely blinked at the girl, looking at the girl and back up again. "But Yukari only gave me one gap to go through…" Suddenly she slapped her head. "Of course, Yukari. We know you're there. Can you please just open up a gap?" A giggle sounded throughout the hall, before a line appeared in front of the group.

The kappa smiled at the action. "Thank you." Suddenly, she turned to the two humans. "Oh, I forgot to ask. Which of you two is the more intelligent one?"

Harry looked at Hermione, before answering for her. "Well, she's often known as the smartest witch of our generation."

"Wonderful!" She grinned at the bushy haired girl. "Would you mind if I picked your brain for a bit?"

Hermione slowly shook her head. "No, I don't suppose I do…"

The kappa grinned and started to dig around in her pockets. "Excellent! Give me a second, I need to get my scalpel and forceps…"

Suddenly, the witch blanched. "Wait a second, you didn't mean literally pick it. I thought that you were only being metaphorical with your expression…?"

Nitori raised her head and slowly shook it. "Poor girl… If I were being literally, I would have used an ice pick. But I'm nice, so only a scalpel for you." She paused for a moment, tilting her head. "Besides, it will only hurt for a moment!"

Before the kappa could advance on Hermione, a pale hand grabbed her arm. "Nitori, I think you need to get going. Don't you have an appointment?"

Looking at the poltergeist, Nitori shrugged. "That I do, but it wasn't particularly urgent."

"Still, have you looked at the title on my… book?" From within her hat, Merlin whipped out yet another book that was mostly identical to Nitori's. Leaning down, she let the kappa's eyes rest on the words for a moment. "See? It says Spirits. Not Happy Kappa. The two are considered to be different."

Interrupting the two was a nearly glassy eyed Hermione, who seemed to be running on autopilot. "Actually, kappa can be considered spirits. They are a type of Japanese water sprite, a generic term for supernatural creatures. Sprites typically include fairies and other elf-like beings, but some argue that even certain spirits, including ghosts, can be considered as sprites. Also, some consider the kappa to be water deities, and as such are a type of spirit."

Harry looked back and forth between Hermione and the two blue haired girls. "Err, Hermione? Should you have said that? I thought you wanted Nitori to not commence with the brain picking."

However, instead of continuing to proceed with the attempts to probe Hermione, Nitori had frozen. "Water… deity…" She began muttering several incomprehensible words under her breath. Eventually, she took a big breath and stared at Hermione. "This is wonderful news! The scientific ramifications could be numerous? Kappa, considered a deity? This requires testing."

Leaping forward to hug Hermione, she just as suddenly sprung back and began walking towards the gap. "I must be onward then! After I correct this next problem, I need to head back to Gensokyo, and feed myself to one of the hell crow! Perhaps one of Koishi's pets. Then, we can discover if we truly are minor deities, and are able to pass on our abilities to other youkai! For SCIENCE!" With that, she leapt into the gap, which tied itself back up before disappearing.

Shaking his head while resisting the urge to break out laughing, Harry looked up at the remaining blue haired girl. "So, Merlin, do all the girls in Gensokyo have blue hair, or only the crazy ones."

While she harrumphed, she did give him a hint of a sly smile. "Oh, I'm hardly crazy at all. At least compared to that girl. Kappa…" Shaking her head, she jerked a thumb at Hermione, who was still standing rigid and vacant eyed. "You want to do anything about her?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah… I suppose we did kinda freak her out. She's not used to our brand of crazy."

"Oh, our brand?" The grin had returned in full force to Merlin's face. "So, have you decided to throw in your lot with me?"

He rolled his eyes as he drew his wand. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever you want to tell yourself at night to help you sleep."

"But I don't-"

"I know you don't. You just sneak into my dreams sometimes to amuse yourself." Turning to Hermione, he attempted to cast Locomotor Mortis with as little power as possible. Which resulted with Hermione's forehead having a rather sudden and intense relationship with the ceiling of the hall they were in. Immediately lowering her down, he winced at the red mark on her face. "That's gonna be felt in the morning."

"Yup!" Cheery as always, Merlin fell into formation floating beside Harry. "You'll need to make up a good story for her. With a shiner like that, she should be allowed to brag."

"If you say so, Merlin. But why don't you make it up." He turned to eye the girl. "You're better at that anyway."

"Moi? Telling lies?" Fluttering her eyebrows, she gave Harry an innocent grin. "Who, me?"

Flatly, Harry said, "Yes, you."

"Hrmph. Flatterer."

For a while, the pair walked in silence, before a thought from earlier came niggling on the edge of Harry's mind. "Oh, Merlin?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"What you were talking about earlier… About not being the original? I don't care. You're real enough to me."

A sniff from beside him made Harry turn his head. For a moment, he thought he saw watery eyes forming. But he blinked, and they were dry again. Still, her grin was less teasing and warmer then it had been for the longest time. "Thanks, Harry. I'd like to think so, too."

Harry was about to ask something else, before a groan issued from his cargo. Looking back at Hermione, he waved Merlin forward. "Did you hear what she said?" As the poltergeist shook her head, he leaned forward along with her to hear what she wanted.

"…Merlin's haiwy bawls…"

The next few seconds resounded with silence, until the two finally succumbed to their giggles.

A/N Alrighty, I have this one up a bit faster than the last one. I'll admit, a lot of that last scene came from nowhere. I decided (quite randomly) that Nitori was going to appear, and just let it run from there. And the Super Youkai warhead goes and traumatizes Hermione. Poor dear.

As for the duel with Snape, yes I am aware it was a curbstomp. That's the point. No spell card duels means that Merlin can remain intangible, and let most spells pass through her. Plus, Wizards shoot out… what, 3-5 spells at a time? Not counting transfiguration and charms, multiple of which could be active and ongoing. But would they really have anything to counter hundreds of bullets coming at them at once? Especially without limitations. Plus, it's Snape. He started it, Merlin finished it, and Sirius… You don't want to know.

Not to mention that when I played against Merlin (with Sakuya) for the very first time, I did not say, "Oh, this is gonna suck." Instead, I thought, for the first time, "This is gonna be fun." Part of why I like Merlin so much.

Anyways, I can tell that this story is developing Cerberus Syndrome. (AKA, I'm sensing PLOT! springing up). So, should I try and actually work in more PLOT!, or keep it episodic? Either way, I'm hoping to keep most of it based on humor and bad puns. As always, please review!