Chapter 10 – Purple Rain

"I never meant to cause you any sorrow, I never meant to cause you any pain

I only wanted one time to see you laughing, I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain, Purple rain, purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain, I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain

I never wanted to be your weekend lover, I only wanted to be some kind of friend, hey

Baby, I could never steal you from another, it's such a shame our friendship had to end

Purple rain, purple rain, purple rain, purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain, I only wanted to see you underneath the purple rain"

Purple Rain by Prince

Anders rode in silence most of the way home from the Wending Woods. He had never been more afraid in his life than when he saw Josie strapped to that table, the Architect standing over her, draining the blood from her body. Justice and Nathaniel attacked the talking emissary hard while Anders went to Josie to begin healing her. The fucking bastard had nearly drained her fully and in turn he had completely drained all his mana to revive her. The whole experience in the Wending Woods had left both of them quiet and withdrawn.

He knew the problems with the Architect and Mother were weighing heavily on her, but he also knew that taking the life of that spiteful dalish elf was eating at her as well. Anders felt that Josie's instincts were correct regarding Velanna, the elf's loyalty and duty would never be to the Wardens, but always to finding her sister. If given the choice between the Wardens and her sister, Velanna wouldn't hesitate to turn her back on the Wardens, which at the wrong moment could possibly endanger innocent lives. When Josie refused to let the mage join the Wardens, the elven mage turned on them and attacked. It was with great regret that Josie took the elf's life, and he knew that she was second guessing her decision about not conscripting Velanna.

Justices' booming voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Anders, I understand that you struggle against your oppression."

"Would you have me embrace it?" Anders asked.

"No, of course not, but why not strike a blow against your oppressors."

"Because I have grown rather fond of my head being attached to my neck," Anders replied dryly.

"You are a free man. It is my understanding that the Commander ensured that the Templars would never be able to hunt you down by destroying your phylactery. You never have to live with that fear, but what about your fellow mages? How can you stand by and do nothing while they still suffer?" Justice countered.

"I am but one man, Justice. I can't change the mindset and beliefs that have been ingrained into a society's psyche for hundreds upon hundreds of years," Anders argued.

"Do you love the Commander?"

"What? I don't see what that has to do with this conversation."

"If you wanted to marry her, would the Chantry allow you to marry the woman you love?"

"No," Anders replied solemnly.

"If you and the Commander had a child and that child turned out to be a mage, would you be able to stop the Chantry from taking that child from you?"

"No," Anders grumbled.

"Someone needs to be the voice for the oppressed, someone needs to be the voice that brings these injustices to light, someone needs to be the voice to bring about change and I believe that you are that voice, Anders," Justice stated.

"What you are suggesting goes against all Chantry laws," Anders said in a hushed tone now not wanting to draw attention to their conversation.

"When a man is denied the right to live the life he believes in then he has no choice, but to become an outlaw," Justice argued.

"An outlaw! I-I don't want to become an outlaw. I have been on the run ever since the Circle came and took me away from my mother. I have finally found a place where I no longer have to run, where for once I feel safe and loved; I love my life, I love Josie, I don't want to do anything that will destroy that," Anders countered. He couldn't believe he was having this conversation. This is how mages ended up dead or worse, tranquil.

"Shouldn't all mages have the right? To have the freedom to experience what you have, Anders?" Justice asked. Anders didn't reply. He was at a loss for words. The Spirit asked too much, expected too much from him.

Justice slowly shook his head in disgust. "This world is a dangerous place. However not from the people who are unjust, close minded or evil, but because this world is filled with apathetic people such as yourself, who are unwilling to do anything to stop the oppression that they see on a daily basis."

Without another word Justice rode up to the Commander, leaving Anders once again lost in his thoughts, with now a lot more for him to contemplate. The mistreatment of mages had always angered him. When he had been in the Circle he had been vocal whenever he saw a templar pushing the boundaries of inhumane treatment. At best that earned him time in solitary confinement, at worst a trip to the whipping post where the templars took turns lashing his back, but he had been unable to bite his tongue and pretend he didn't see what was happening. That was one of the reasons for all of his escapes, he hated witnessing the abuse of people that were only there because of an accident of birth.

However, what Justice was talking about was completely different. He wasn't talking about speaking up for a few persecuted individual, but fighting for entire sect of the population. Not only was that crazy, but suicidal.

When they finally made their way into the Keep's courtyard, the entire party was exhausted, but Josie looked bone weary. As she slid down from her horse, Anders was immediately at her side. He slid his arm around her and led her into the Keep. Varel asked her to join him in her office. There were some pressing matters that he needed to brief her on. She reluctantly agreed.

Anders' asked one of the servants for a bath to be brought up to the Commander's room. Then he went to kitchen, put together a cheese and meat tray and grabbed a bottle of wine before heading up to her room. He infused the water with lavender, vanilla and spices before he lowered himself into the water.

What seemed like hours later, Josie finally made it to her chambers. When she entered she smiled over at him already relaxing in the water surrounded by dozens of candles.

"You definitely know how to spoil a girl," she grinned.

"I do my best, but you are way overdressed for a soak, love," Anders replied.

She quickly got undressed and climbed in. She turned around and eased herself down between his legs and leaned her back against his chest.

"Mmm, now that is a very stimulating view," Anders groaned.

"Don't get any ideas. I'm too tired to remember my name, let alone participate in any extracurricular activities," Josie warned.

Anders laughed. "I believe I can change your mind."

"Somehow I doubt it. How about we start with the basics, would you wash my hair for me?" She asked.

"With pleasure," Anders said as he grabbed the canter of soap and poured a generous amount onto her hair. He worked the lavender infused liquid into a lather as he massaged her scalp, and neck with his strong fingers as he worked out the knots in the tight muscles to help her relax as the stress drifted away. He enjoyed the quiet moans and purrs of pleasure she made. He didn't want her to stop making those sounds until he had completely ravished her, but first he needed to wake her up and bring her around to his way of thinking.

Anders slowly poured water over her hair, his breath began to quicken as he watched the soapy trail cascade down her shoulders and over her breasts. When the water cleared, his tongue and lips followed the same path as the water had down her neck and shoulders. Anders smiled as she shivered against his chest at the sensation. He pulled her closer to him so she could feel his arousal as he pressed against her back.

"Well, that didn't take you long," she observed.

"Can you blame me? Just being near you makes me hard." He rubbed against her delicious bottom to emphasize his point. "Have I changed your mind yet?"

"Nope, I'm exhausted, Anders. I just want to relax."

"Okay if you say so," Anders chuckled as he grabbed the sponge, lathered it up, he picked up her arm then slowly began to stroke it. He leisurely increased the pressure as his hand slid down her arm than across her breasts. He glided the sponge across her taut nipples; she involuntarily arched into his hand.

Anders laughed. "Now remember, this is strictly for relaxation purposes. NO getting turned on. I forbid it."

"You forbid it? What happened to changing my mind?"

"You were right. I shouldn't be so selfish, I should just let you relax and unwind." He feathered tender kisses down her neck as he brought his other hand around her side; he caressed and pinched her nipple. Her nipples were taut and as he rolled them between his fingers he sent tiny currents of electricity through them. She moaned as her hips unwillingly bucked forward.

"You aren't getting turned on, Love, are you?"

"N-no, of course not," she muttered.

"Good, cause you need to relax. You don't need the stress of sexual stimulation,"

Anders teased as he guided the sponge down her firm stomach, her hips shifting toward him, allowing more access.

"No…no s-stress here…" she sighed just as Anders ran the sponge across her hip and between her thighs. "N-no sexual s-stimulation of any kind."

Anders grinned. "Good, I'm glad to hear that. Now lift your leg so that I can continue bathing you."

She did as he instructed, Anders shifted in the water then tenderly washed each leg, then he would run the sponge back up the inside of thigh, but he avoided the exact spot that he knew she was yearning for him to touch. He felt her body tense; he smiled as she bit her lip to stop the moan that he knew was building.

He gently stroked the sponge between her legs, applying a small amount of pressure as he sent a vibration to the center of her core. Her hips rolled against his hand as her breathing began to increase. He nibbled and licked his way down her jaw till he found her lips. His tongue hungrily plunged into her mouth as he moved the sponge between her legs, he stroked in small circles, increasing the speed and pressure as her body responded to his actions; she braced her foot against the side of the tub as she thrust her pelvis against his hand.

"I don't believe all that thrusting you're doing against my hand is very relaxing," Anders teased.

"Fuck you," she growled as she pressed harder against his hand.

"Gladly," Anders groaned as dropped the sponge into the water. His fingers inside her slick walls while his other hand slid up to cup her breast. He dragged his thumb back and forth across the hard, wet nipple then he pinched and rolled the rigid peak between his fingers, she pushed against him even harder and whimpered.

"Do you want me to help you unwind, Phine?"

"Y-yess."

He nipped at her ear, "Yes what?"

"Yes…pleasssse."

Anders drew the tip of her earlobe into his warm mouth; his thumb circled and stroked the taut nub between her legs. She cried out his name as she jerked in his arms and moved rhythmically against his hand.

"Let go, Jo. Cum for me," he groaned into her ear as he continued the steady stroking of her core while he teased her nipples. She braced herself against him as he continued to manipulate her body to his will and desires. He sent a current of electricity through her as his thumb vibrated against swollen bundle of nerves.

She threw her head back against his chest as he thrust his fingers deep inside her, she cried out his name as her body went rigid, the ecstasy overtook her and she slipped over the edge. She shook and trembled against him as each multiple wave crashed over her.

He bit her neck feverishly as he pushed his throbbing groin into her bottom. "Phine, I need to be inside you…now," he growled.

"Yesss," was all she managed to say before he had them out of the tub in a flash. He backed her against the full length mirror that was attached to the wall. Anders kissed and licked his way down her slender body, then he parted her thighs, he lifted one of her legs over his shoulder. Slowly, lovingly, he stroked his flat tongue against her core, drinking in her sweet honey taste. He licked and sucked her until she was quivering against his lips.

Anders stood up, quickly spun her around, she braced her hands against the mirror, he bent her forward then he pulled her hips back toward his, he entered her in one swift movement from behind and they both gasped from the luscious sensation of his hardness filling her.

He looked at their reflection in the mirror, Josie's hands pressed against the wall for support, her eyes fluttering closed with desire and need. Her beautiful full breasts swaying as he began to move inside of her. Anders looked at his own eyes as they darkened with hunger, lust and love. He grasped her hips as he began to thrust harder and deeper into her.

"Open your eyes, Phine, watch the effect you have on me," Anders commanded. Her eyes opened and locked onto his.

His hand slid around her hip and stroked between her legs, while the other cupped and caressed her breast. Anders kissed her back and shoulders, he moaned as surged into her, and she swirled her hips back against him.

"Oh fuck, Jo…I-I can't get enough of you," he growled as he plunged deeper and harder into her hot wet center.

She watched him in the mirror, beads of sweat on his skin, his eyes dark, and jaw tense with the effort to try to stay in control.

"Fuck me, Anders. Let go and fuck me," she hissed.

He gladly complied as he grabbed her hair and bit into her shoulder. She cried out in mixture of pain and ecstasy. She cried out his name as she threw her head back and arched against him. Her inner muscles constricted around him, pulling him over the edge with her, draining him completely. He continued to move inside her, not wanting to leave the sanctuary of her body, but eventually he collapsed against her in sheer exhaustion burying his head into her back.

He feathered kisses down her spine, "I love you so much, Jo…Are you now relaxed?"

"Thoroughly and completely," she whispered. She was barely able to stand from exhaustion. Anders scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bed where he lovingly wrapped himself around her. Right here in his arms was the reason he could never do what Justice asked of him. She was his reason for living. He pulled her tightly against his chest and fell asleep secure in the knowledge his place here with her, fighting, loving and living life with her.

xxXxx

A week later, the Wardens are gathered around the sparring ring watching as Josie trained with each individual Warden so that she can evaluate them and offer ways to improve. Justice leaning against the post beside Anders, observing the fight.

"The Commander is excellent with a blade and her advice in the ring is very wise," the spirit stated.

"Very true," Anders agreed.

"She is also wise and brave outside the ring. She stands up and defines the nobles against injustices that they heap on the lower classes."

"Very true," Anders stated again, having an uneasy feeling about where this conversation was headed.

"She is someone who is a role model for others to follow. Isn't that why you follow her, Anders?"

"I follow her because she saved me from the Circle, because she is just and honorable and because I love…"

"She saved you when it would have been easier her to let the Templars have you, but she didn't want to turn you over to an Order that oppressed the people that they had been sworn to protect."

"That is why she will always be better than me…better than all of us. It's who she is," Anders said through gritted teeth.

"Anders, shouldn't you aspire to be a man worthy of her love, an honorable man, one that is willing to put his own selfish desires aside for the good of others? Those are the things that Commander does on a regular basis and she deserves to be with someone who is just as noble and selfless."

Anger coursed through him as he spun to face the spirit. "Are you saying that I am unworthy of Josie?"

The Spirit eyed him up and down before he spoke. "Yes."

Anders felt his jaw drop and his eyes go wide while at the same time there was a striking pain in his chest. The spirit had tapped into his greatest fears regarding the woman that he had fallen in love with, that he didn't deserve her. She was a noble, he wasn't even a commoner, but an outcast of society that wasn't even allowed to marry her if he wanted to. She was self-sacrificing and he was a selfish bastard. He should walk away from her, let her find a man that was noble, honorable…but he couldn't. He couldn't leave her.

"I love her," Anders said in a defeated tone.

"Then love her enough to be deserving of her love in return."

"If you think standing up to the Chantry, telling them to sod off and stop oppressing the mages is going to make me worthy, you're crazy. The only thing that will accomplish is placing my head on pike."

"Anders, you can make a difference. You can accomplish great things for the mages and I can help you. And yes those accomplishments would make you worthy of the Commander because you would not have done it for yourself, but for the betterment of all mages."

Before Anders could reply a messenger ran up to the sparring ring. "Commander Cousland, I have an urgent message for you."

Josie stopped her match with Nathaniel and walked over to the young boy. "What is the matter?"

"The City of Amaranthine has been attacked," the messenger replied.

"Attacked! By whom?" Josie demanded.

"Darkspawn," the boy answered.

"Varel, please tip this boy then secure him a room until we know that it is safe to go back to the city," Josie ordered before turning to her Wardens. "Nate, Oghren and Sigrun you're with me. Justice and Anders you stay here and defend the Keep."

"Josie, I should go with you. I can heal those who are injured," Anders objected.

"No, you are the only mage I have right now. I need to keep you safe. Once the city is secure I will bring you there to heal the injured," Josie replied.

Anders stepped closer to her, he looked over at the other Wardens, they took the hint and headed into the Keep to prepare. "Josie, I need to be there to heal you. What if something happens to you? The Wardens, Ferelden… me, we need you."

She smiled at him and gently cupped his face. "I'll be fine. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm pretty good at taking care of myself."

"Oh, unless the Architect decides to drain you of your blood again," Anders said sarcastically.

"That was a fluke."

"Josie, please…"

"No. You need to stay here and I will be back before you even know it." She leaned in and brushed her lips against his. Anders desperately pulled her into his arms, he ran his hand underneath her chin, raised her head to face him then his lips captured hers and kissed her like a man possessed; as if he was tasting her for the last time. He deepened the kiss as his tongue tangled with hers and a groan escaped his lips when she arched her body against him. This beautiful woman, whom he didn't deserve, never failed to excite him; the feel of her lips, the warmth of her hands made his body ache with desire. He pulled away from the comfort her body; he looked down into her eyes and he hoped that they conveyed all the love, tenderness and desire he had for her.

"Come back to me, Jo. Promise me, you will come back to me."

She pressed her lips against his one last time then whispered, "I promise."

xxXxx

The light on his face didn't feel right. It was bright behind his closed lids, but there was no warmth to it. Anders cracked his eyes opened and looked around at his hazy surroundings. The Fade…he was in the Fade. Was he dead? He struggled to recall the how he had arrived here.

The Keep had been overrun with darkspawn. He was behind the Keep in the training yard, darkspawn were dead all around him. He remembered chuckling that Josie was going to be pissed that she had left him behind at the Keep to in order to protect him, and now he was surrounded by the bloody bastards. He had just taken out at least a dozen of them when he felt an arrow graze his neck. He reached up, felt the blood and realized it was only a nick. He cast a healing spell just as he felt something crash into the back of his head…then everything went black.

Anders sat up and reached for his staff. Just as he felt the presence enter the clearing. He spun to see the pale, ghostly figure of Justice walking towards him.

"Justice, what are you doing here?"

"Kristoff's body is dying back at the Keep."

"Oh, I'm so sorry…Am I dead?"

"No, you were knocked unconscious by a falling rock. Anders, to stay in the mortal realm to help you, the mages, the Commander, I need a body to inhabit, not a corpse that will rot out from underneath me."

Anders heart began to race. In the past demons had started similar conversations with him those conversations ended badly for them.

"What are you asking, Justice?"

"I can help you Anders become the man worthy of the Commander. I can help you accomplish great things. Together, we can remake Thedas into a world where justice rules, not fear. A world where people aren't ripped away from their families because of an accident of birth, a place where magic is viewed as a gift from the Maker, not a curse; where a man who loves a woman despite his magical abilities can openly and freely marry her. Together we can accomplish this."

"H-how?" Anders stuttered.

"Let merge with you then you will possess my strength, my wisdom and my insight. We can do this together, Anders."

Anders shook his head, "No...that would make me an abomination."

"I am not a demon, Anders. I am not evil. I am the Spirit of Justice. I will help you end the tyranny that is held over mages. You have seen and experienced many atrocities against mages all in my Father's name. The Chantry abuses their authority and misinterprets the words of the Maker. It has to stop, Anders."

"I am just one man..."

"A mighty river begins with just one single drop of rain. Stand up the rights of mages and I guarantee you won't be standing alone for long. Others will join your voice until the plight of the mages becomes a thunderous chorus that the Chantry can not ignore, but it has to start with one man. Anders, do you have the courage to accept my aid?"

Justice had been right. Why should so many suffer while he hid behind the protection of the Grey Wardens…behind Josie? Why should he be free while others were still at the mercies of their captors? Together they could lead the way, show others that there had to be a better way that the Circle was not the answer.

"Yes, I accept," Anders replied. There is a bright light, searing pain and darkness…again.

The feel of the cold ground was the first thing that Anders' mind registered then the sound of the voices screaming and crying forced him to open his eyes as he tried to recall what happened. He was in the Keep…there had been a darkspawn attack…he had been fighting. Damn, his head is throbbing. Anders drew from his mana as he cast the healing spell, trying to remember everything…the Fade…conversation with Justice and then…holy shit…

"Justice," Anders thought.

"I am here," the spirits voice replied.

Before Anders could reply a voice growled from behind him, "I thought I felt the veil slip open."

Anders looked up into the face of a Templar, the man had shown up here right after Josie had headed to the City. His Chantry had fallen to the darkspawn and he decided his new calling was to be a Warden. Anders hadn't liked him or trusted him. What was his name?...Oh yeah, Rolan.

"You, mage, are an abomination," Rolan sneered.

Anders at first felt weak as he struggles to his feet, but as anger surged through him at the unfounded accusation, Justice gave him strength as the spirit rushed to forefront of Anders' mind, taking control, making Anders a spectator. The transformation must been astonishing because Rolan's eyes went wide with shock, but the Templar stood his ground.

"I am no abomination. I am something you can't comprehend fool! But you will come to fear me," Anders growled harshly in voice so unlike his own.

"Even the Wardens cannot harbor an abomination, even if the Warden Commander is sleeping with it. You must die," Rolan hissed as he leveled his sword at Anders' chest.

At the mention of the Commander, anger so fierce coursed through him, Anders' arm lashed out and gripped the templar's blade, the silverite didn't so much break, but exploded in a shower of molten metal as it ran down the templar's armor. Rolan turned to run, but Anders rushed him from behind and tore the Templar's head off at the neck, no magic, no sword, just him...whatever he was now.

Anders stood in the training yard, alone, the templar's broken body at his feet and he shook with fear.

"Oh fuck…what have I just done?" he muttered.

"He hated us, and he is dead. He feared us, and he is dead. He hunted us, and he is dead," Justice replied.

"No, this isn't what I wanted…this isn't what you promised," Anders retorted.

"They will all die, Anders. Every templar, every holy sister who stands in the way of our freedom will die in agony and their deaths will be our fuel." Justice bellowed inside his head.

Anders fell to his knees as he shook his head. "No…no…no this isn't what I wanted…this…this is wrong…oh fuck…Josie... Love, what have I done?"

"We will have justice, Anders. We will have vengeance," Justice replied before he receded back to the recesses of his mind.

No, this is not justice. This is not the Spirit who Anders had called friend. What had the spirit become…what had they become? He needed to get out of here. There was no place for him any longer with the Grey Wardens...with her. He had been unworthy of Josie before, now he was a disgrace… she could not see him like this…she must never know what he had become. She must only remember him as the mage that loved her and tried to save her.

He looked around at the bodies of the Keep's fallen guards. He found one that was similar to him in size and build, and who had shoulder length blond hair. The man had been killed by an arrow through his neck. Anders stripped him out of his armor then he raced to his room, grabbed a few of his belongings, shoved them into bag, he grabbed an extra set of robes then headed out the door. He started back for the training yard, but paused then he turned and headed for Josie's room. He walked over to her closet; he rampaged through her clothes, smelling each article of clothing. When he found a blouse that held the strongest amount of her scent he shoved it into his back. He turned and looked at the bed that he had slept in with her, made love to her, healed her and talked with her for hours in. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he realized that one impetuous, impulsive decision had destroyed everything he had ever wanted and now he was doing to her exactly what he had vowed to never do to her…Maker forgive him.

Anders raced back down to the training yard, dressed the guard in his robes placed him in the path of an approaching fire. To aid the flames along and to ensure that the corpse was unrecognizable Anders cast a searing fireball at the body. He was about to leave when he thought it might be best not to look like a mage leaving the Keep, he quickly put the guard's armor on and placed his robes in his bag. He was just about to turn to leave when he heard Varel's voice behind him. Before he turned to face the Seneschal he slid the visor of the helm over his face.

"Guard, whose body is that?"

"I am not sure, Ser, I just cleared the back of the Keep of darkspawn when I noticed this body," Anders replied in a deep voice.

Varel strolled up to the burning corpse; his eyes went wide in shock. "No…it can't be…Oh Commander," the older man groaned.

"Do you recognize him, Ser?" Anders asked.

"I believe that is Warden Anders, but I will need the Commander to make a positive identification," the Seneschal replied.

Anders felt nauseous at the thought of Josie identifying the body…his body or what she would believe to be his body. "If you'll excuse me Seneschal, I will go look for other survivors in…"

"Varel!" Josie's voice rang out as her footsteps raced into the yard. Panic rose up so quickly in Anders that he nearly fled out the back gate, but the sight of her as she rounded the corner froze him place. She was covered from head to toe in dried blood, her long raven hair whipped wildly around her face as her piercing blue eyes swirled with panic. The very sight of her took his breath away...his fierce fighter, his just Commander, his perfect match in every way. She had kept her promise, she had returned to him and he was the one that was now forced to leave her.

"Varel, where the bloody hell is…" her voice trailed off as her eyes fell on the burning corpse on the ground. Her eyes went wide when she recognized the robes and as her gaze fell on what remained of the blond hair a wail tore from her lips as she fell to her knees in uncontrollable sobs. Anders had not expected to see her react this way to his death. She had never claimed to love him, but watching her now so grief stricken he knew...she loved him and his heart shattered as the realization of all that he had lost crashed down upon.

He watched in agony as she mourned over what she believed to be his body. He wanted to run to her, to pull her into his arms and tell her it was all mistake that he was alive that everything was going to be okay, but the image of Rolan's head as it flew off his body halted him in his tracks. It wasn't alright, it would never be alright again.

"Oh Anders…no...please Maker…no…" Josie cried as the grief now grasped her completely and buried her in it. She wrapped her arms around herself, protectively and began to rock back and forth.

Nathaniel fell down beside her and pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry, Josie. I'm so sorry," the rogue said as he held her tightly against him.

It was more than Anders could take; he felt the bile rising up in the back of his throat. He turned and ran for the woods. When he was far enough away he leaned against a tree and threw up. He had never wanted to cause her pain, he had only wanted to heal her, save her and to love her…he had royally fucked that up. Till the day he died he would never get the image of Josie on her knees and the anguish he had seen in her eyes...anguish that he had caused. He had told her she could trust him with her heart, whether she had realized it or not she had given it to him and he had gone and broken it.

"Oh Josie, Love, I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry for bring pain into your life," Anders moaned as he fell to his knees and grieved for all that he had lost.

Epilogue

Josie stared at the letter from Weisshaupt in disbelief. Who the hell did Gatlin think he was...well beside being the First Commander, who did he think he was telling her that she couldn't give her Wardens a leave of absence. Yes, it had been two and half years since the Keep had come under attack and Anders had faked his death, but whatever Anders was running from he obviously needed time and she had been willing to give it to him. However, the longer he was gone the more their whole relationship seemed like some crazy, sex filled dream...a very good dream, but a dream none the less. Yes, Anders had told her that he loved her, but what did a notorious womanizer like Anders really know about love.

"I love you, Jo. I'm not him. You can trust me with your heart." Anders words rang hollow in her ears and she snorted with aggravation. She could dwell on the pain or she could accept Anders for who he was and cherish the memories that she had of their time together. She chose the latter, it made her less bitter which made her easier to be around...her Wardens appreciated that.

Anders may not have truly loved her, but he had kept one of his promises...he had saved her, healed her, brought her an unspeakable amount of joy and pleasure and had brought her back to life. For those reasons alone she couldn't be angry with him, for those reasons alone she would save him from Weisshaupt and Gatlin's anger. There was a knock at the door then it opened as Nathaniel burst in.

Josie raised an eyebrow. "Have you ever heard of waiting for someone to let you in? What if I had been naked?"

"Nothing I haven't already seen, Jo," Nathaniel replied dryly.

"Yes, but you haven't seen me naked," Josie replied.

"Oh please, if you've seen one pair of breasts you've seen them all," Nathaniel teased.

"Just you wait, Nate, your time is going to when you fall hard for just one woman and her breasts will be the only ones will ever want to see again."

"I certainly hope you're right, Jo, I really do," Nathaniel said as he plopped down on the sofa in her office. "Sooo I heard we are making a trip to Kirkwall to save that mage of yours from his own stupidity."

"He isn't my mage and I doubt he ever was," Josie replied.

"Josie, Anders maybe a lot of things...a bastard, an idiot, a selfish prick, a fucking asswipe, a..."

"Do you have a point, Nate, or are you just enjoying insulting him?"

"I was rather enjoying insulting him, but my point was is that you should never doubt Anders' love for you. Anyone who has ever seen him with you could tell that he loved you. I don't know what is going on with him that has kept him away from you for so long, but it has to be pretty fucking big because that mage adored you."

Josie really wanted to believe what Nathaniel was telling her and as images of all the beautiful moments that they had shared together flickered through her mind she clung to the hope that his words had brought her. She really wanted to believe that he had loved her, but she didn't have the best record when it came to men. Marcus had died, Alistair had betrayed her and Anders had left her. Maybe love wasn't meant to be for her because it seemed that she was always losing the beautiful ones.

A/N – The inspirations for Justice and Anders conversation came from these quotes. "When a man is denied the right to live the life he believes in, he has no choice but to become an outlaw." Nelson Mandela

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." Albert Einstein.

*Anders' merge scene was inspired by Jennifer Helper's short story.

*Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed and added it to their lists. I really appreciate the support.

*A huge shout out and be big huge to my Beta Guru, Bonzy, for her help with this entire story. Thank you from the bottom of my heart putting up with my craziness and standing by me. I am lucky to have you as a beta and more importantly as a friend. Thank you!