Prussia's POV

I don't believe in love.

Love is a lie, a fantasy emotion that doesn't exist outside fairytales. The princess meets her prince and they live happily ever after? Don't make me laugh.

The world is a dark puddle of hatred. We try to see it in different lights, try to mask it as something different, but it'll never change. A light switches on and we read hope in the glimmer the murky water reflects. Suddenly that puddle doesn't seem so dark. But it is. My world is.

Once upon a time I didn't care about love in the slightest. Just lust. To be quite honest, I didn't really know the difference. To make love was my equivalent of those fairytale dreams. And this way I could have multiple fairytale dreams – none of that once in a lifetime rubbish. I could be wanted, needed, cared for, loved, however many times by however many people I wanted. Of course, the key to that life is to keep going or stop completely. Never linger. Never linger on one person for too long. Once you linger, you become attached. When you become attached, you don't move on. When you don't move on, you get your heart broken because the person you're attached too doesn't want to linger with you anymore, and as much as you try reasoning with them, looking for a way back into their arms, you don't find your way back to them. Their heart is closed to you. They don't want you back and you have to go on knowing that they don't want you. They don't love you anymore. And, hey, presto! Welcome back to that dark puddle and all your fucking hope has run out!

There is no such thing as love. Well, I keep telling myself that anyway.

Feli is asleep on the sofa, sprawled out, limbs pointed in all directions. If only I could feel as comfortable as him. To close my eyes, dream; be safe in such a vulnerable position.

I am opposite him, legs crossed, elbow poised on my knee so my face can rest on my hand. My head feels so heavy. I'm surprised my neck hasn't snapped from the growing weight of thoughts I've been carrying. Thoughts, desires... nightmares. They're all heavy things to be kept swirling round your brain twenty-four-seven. But I'm sure no one has noticed my difference. I doubt they ever would. Heh. Three days ago I couldn't even contemplate adding the pain of knowing that somebody else, a stranger to the workings of my mind, knows my feelings. I feel a little indifferent about that now. In fact, I really couldn't care less.

As usual Ludwig is in his office, doing paperwork or whatever the hell he does in there every morning. My armchair is a little-ways in front of his office door, a perfect position to catch him arriving and leaving without actually looking like I'm stalking him. A few minutes ago the old grandfather clock at the far end of the room chimed eleven long moans. It was only then did it dawn on me that I'd been waiting in here with sleepy pasta-face for two hours straight. I tried reading the paper, throwing balls of paper at Feli, making unnecessary trips around the room... I'm still bored as hell. But I can't risk missing Ludwig leaving his office. Especially not now I've waited, bored to sin, for him to do so.

Starting to lightly snore, Feli shifts slightly on the sofa. I turn to stare at Ludwig's door. Where the hell was he? Has he not heard of a toilet or coffee break? My clenched fists suddenly feel clammy with sweat. Curiously, I stare down at my hands. Did I just see them tremble? No. I'm being stupid again. Gritting my teeth, I turn back to the door knowing full well I would have to go in there and face my demons, and the sooner the better. I've been waiting long enough. I can do this. I just need to stop being so pathetic. I wander quietly over to his door, biting my bottom lip like some lovelorn schoolgirl and press my ear against the door, listening for movement. Nothing. It's now or never. Don't be a fool. Just do it. Go give him hell! Go annoy the living shit out of him and pretend like there's nothing wrong! Carefully, I push down on the handle and let myself inside his office.

Head resting on his crossed arms, I find him asleep at his desk. His morning paperwork piled neatly to his right, his pens lined up like little uniformed soldiers in front of a rusty typewriter. He looks so peaceful. Just like Feli. Both dreaming perfect harmonious dreams... It's not fair. Why does life have to be. So. Fucking. Unfair?

I bite my lip to calm myself down. Calm the anger or stop myself from crying – sometimes I find myself not knowing the difference anymore. Sometimes, I don't even know myself. Although, I know if I was my usual mischievous self I would've already grabbed the marker pen sitting in the pen holder and drawn Ludwig a swirly moustache and unibrow... And if I was feeling vengeful, I would've shredded all his new paperwork, stripped and duck-taped him to his chair, and sat him facing an open window. But I was feeling neither. In fact, I didn't know what I was feeling. I drop into the chair facing his desk and quietly watch his chest slowly rise and fall in a perfectly monotonous rhythm.

I could do anything – anything – to him. But I don't move.

"I fucking love you, man."

My mouth went dry. What did I just say?

I stare at Ludwig, watching for any sudden movement that would suggest he was awake... and heard me say possibly the most pathetically, stupid, mind-bogglingly gay thing in the entire world... But then again. I think I meant it. My eyes stay affixed to his blonde head before my vision turns a violent shade of red. What the fuck is fucking wrong with me? I love him? I've got to be freaking kidding! He's the one who told me to back off, assumed I wouldn't mind if he moved on and left me behind, the one who shacked up with Italy like some newly married couple and couldn't be bothered to hide it. Because, oh yeah, unlike the rest of the human race I don't have feelings. You don't think I am capable of love, or deserving of your sweet romance, do you? What? You don't think I have a fucking heart?

I find myself gripping the edge of his desk like I'm holding on for dear life. My knuckles are turning white from the pressure. I need to calm down. I really need to calm down.

"Then what is it inside my chest that feels like it's breaking?" I choke.

My vision blurs. Stupidly, it takes me a full minute to realise that I'm crying. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't think I should even care that Ludwig doesn't want me. I'm such an idiot. Heavy, salty tears continue to gather and slowly roll down my cheeks, caressing my face with their contained sadness. It dawns on me that I've never cried like this before. Never before have I felt so... sad. No, not sad. Disappointed. And whether that's at myself or the heartbreaker in front of me, I don't think I'll ever know. I wipe my hand over my cheeks, removing the tears the best I can, before I stand to leave. Despite everything, my eyes linger on his sleeping form, wondering why he didn't want me anymore. I still wanted to know. Damn it, I still cared.

"Heh." I laugh quietly to myself. "You'll never know any of this, will you, Ludwig? You'll never know what your leaving did to me."

Shaking my head, trying my best to erase my thoughts, my hopes, I leave Ludwig's office, closing his door carefully behind me with a click. It's stupid. I didn't accomplish anything but make myself feel worse than I already did. He'll never know my pain... He'll never know I was even there.

~Meanwhile~

The door clicked lightly behind the albino.

Lifting his head slowly, Germany opened his eyes one at a time, starring after Prussia. At first his face remained completely expressionless, his mind unable to decide what he was feeling, before a strange sense of sadness spread its way through his body like a disease. A tight, cold sensation that gripped at his skin.

"What have I done...?"

Author's Note: Thank you for reading! I appreciate all comments and suggestions - please, don't be shy! I better come clean about this just in case some of you reading think 'whoa, what the hell is this? Is she trying and failing to be deep and meaningful here?'. I'm under a lot of pressure at the moment and writing is a therapy for me. I am aware the first part of this is pretty, for the lack of a better word, depressing. I want to continue this into a second chapter, but I don't know if I should stop while I'm ahead. Oh, and I know my tenses are bad. Stupid me. Please, let me know. Take care x