It started, but she hadn't wanted it to. And though Kate craved him on paper… he was too daunting, to close to her heart than he could ever guess straight away. But isn't that what his books were? Just versions of his thoughts woven with ink. Those thoughts that allowed her to escape during the darkest parts of her life… those very words that she clung to whilst shutting the rest of the world out. Sighing, she lifted the ceramic in her hands, sipping before resting the cup on her cheek; she closed her eyes to the comforting warmth, thoughts full of the man whose words were not the only thing about him she now needed. And this is the way he found her, hunched over, lost in her thoughts that clearly outlined the vulnerability etched upon her face. He ached to walk over and trace the frown playing across her brows, feel the tension leave her body. But he knew she would shy from his advances, run from any mention of more. So instead he smiled and cleared his throat, disturbing her thoughts.

"Dreaming of me again I see?" he asked jovially, the mischievous glint sparkling in his eyes. She jumped, shocked out of her silence, heart beating at how so very right he was.

"yea right Castle…. dreaming of the completely sexy way the coffee stains on your shirt brings out your eyes" Smirking she turned from him to gather her wits.

"I'll have you know, that those stains came from fetching YOUR coffee, you see I don't have the same addiction problems like you do Kate" he replied, mock hurt etched upon his face.

Rolling her eyes she stood eyes drawn away from his face to now so he wouldn't see her wilt at the use of her name. Sure she liked Beckett…. Preferred it from most people. But he used her name like a caress, like a privilege- only throwing it out once or twice as though it were sacred. It made her shiver the way his lips would form around those letters….. And though she would never admit this to him but the taste of his name excited her….. More than addressing her partner ever should. Shaking herself abruptly to her thoughts she sifted her hands through her hair. She again ignored him, trying to regain some normalcy. "So we canvassed the building, and found no signs of intrusion….."

"Which means the killer probably had a key to the place… talked to his family yet?" he asked

"No" she said shaking her head "I did call his sister in to identify the body… maybe we could get a few answers from her". Walking up to the murder board she jotted a few notes down, unaware of Castle staring at her. She turned just as he averted his eyes but not before she noticed the faint flush of his skin.

"What?"

"What… nothing?" He coughed and stood up and moved away as though to escape before she trapped him with her death glare.

"What Castle…. Spit it out!" he shifted uncomfortably and mumbled incoherent phrases underneath his breath before he caught the annoyance flickering across her face.

"I just thought you looked nice today…. That's all", it was said in barely a whisper as though he hoped the words wouldn't reach her ears. But she heard them, savored them. Wished that an offhanded compliment didn't affect her so.

"Oh", she replied, not sure what to make of the awkwardness of the situation. "Thanks?" he grimaced at her comment and nodded clinging on to his coffee cup like a lifeline from the uncomfortable steel now surrounding them. Kate studied him and felt bubbling of nervous laughter beginning to form at the base of her throat. She noted the pink of his cheeks, the awkward movements of his hands…. He was nervous. Richard FREAKING Castle was nervous? Because of her? Wincing slightly she tried to deny the truth of the profound affect that all her years of pushing now had on him. He was unsure of himself, unable to determine when he was going too far, pushing too soon. Shaking her head she pulled him out of his misery and snorted. "As opposed to all the other days Castle, when I looked hideous?" turning to regard the murder board once more she missed the slight shake of his head

"You're always beautiful Kate… Always"

She drew a breath and closed her eyes, faced him and the vulnerability now shown on his face. She had done this to him? Sighing she looked into his eyes, felt the sense of restrained love that radiated from their never-ending blue. She would've kissed him…. Run into his arms right then, not caring who was watching- just as long as the love in his blue irises shone unashamedly rather than restrained…. Stopped by fear from losing her completely. She would've molded herself to him, so he could feel the beating of her heart… maybe understand its language before they were even spoken. She would have…. If not for the startling ring of her phone interrupting her thoughts. She picked it up gingerly, glancing halfheartedly at the screen where Lanie's name flickered.

"Lanie has something for me" she whispered, clearly indicating that she needed space from him. The thought of being trapped with him in the elevator brought a hot flush to her cheeks… something she was not ready to admit she felt. She smiled and headed toward the metal box. No… right now she needed to talk to someone other than Castle…. She needed to be away from him, before she did something stupid…. like confess that she loved him. Irrevocably.

"hey Lanie, what's up?" Kate strolled into the morgue, the clicking of her heels alerting the room of her presence.

"Just got back the blood results for Mr. Taylor over here, and it turns out he had a pretty serious drug habit... and when I mean serious, I mean the guy was so intoxicated that if it wasn't for the gaping wound to his chest or the fact that I recently removed a blade from his very body, i would've ruled the C.O.D to overdose". Walking up to the body, the raven haired M.E slipped on her latex gloves, adjusting the material so that it fit snugly over her long fingers. "there's a bit of bruising around the wound meaning that our killer was vicious, probably applying extra force at impact and then moving the blade to open the wound more thoroughly."

"So the killer must've wanted our vic dead…. a planned attack perhaps" Kate mused to herself still observing the body

"Yea but the knife is pretty common, can be found in almost every kitchen and judging by the amount of scratches on the blade itself I would say that it was from our victims apartment" Lanie set the knife on the table as Kate glanced at its used surface. the raven haired women looked around, noticing for the first time the lack in the room. "Where's Castle?"

Kate stiffened, "He decided to stay at the precinct… hang out with the boys".

"Oh… so how's things between you two? After the whole shooting?" Kate moved awkwardly, stuck between running the heck out of there or breaking down and telling her everything. instead she settled for a half truth… nothing too much… nothing that would force her to poke at the everlasting elephant in the room.

"We're… better. You know emotions run high… thinking that someone you care about is going to die. But we've got past it.. and things are back to normal"

"Really…. normal like how you two deny you have feelings for each other?" Kate looked her best friend in the eyes, saw the unabashed frustration as well as sympathy… and she succumbed to the natural. she ran.

"WHAT?...okay I admit we have engaged in a light flirting from time to time…. I will even admit to thinking that I might have had feeling for him in the past. but right now, Castle and I are in a good place; we're comfortable. and we're okay with that. Happy with that even". Lanie looked about ready to commit murder… and being an M.E. Kate was sure that she should not take that look for granted and backed slowly away from her.

"KATE… the man jumped in front of a bullet… JUMPED INFRONT OF A BULLET. Without thinking, with no concerns. He was willing to give up everything to save you! And you tell me he is happy with being comfortable? For god sakes Kate..are you happy? She stopped when she looked at the brunettes face; felt her body begin to tremble. "Oh sweetie…" And that was her undoing, the pity in her friends voice pushed her over the edge. And she bolted; from the room but more importantly from the encouraging look in her dark brown eyes. She climbed into her car, the tires screeching in protest as she fought to get away- She wasn't ready to think about it, wasn't ready to admit the truth in Lanie's words. But it pushed and pushed until not the sound of the cars around her but his voice rung in her ears.

Those words echoed in the crevices of her mind. He loved her. HE LOVED HER. And she loved him. Offcourse she did. how could she not? But the thoughts were too much.. the reality too overpowering for her to wrap her mind around. And so she missed it, the red light signaling her to stop as she dealt with her own subconscious red lights fighting with her heart. And before she could react to the screech of another car, to the crunch of metal- it was already done, the darkness was already there. And the last thought that plastered across her mind was of a certain writer…. a certain partner. Who was willing to jump in front of a bullet for her. That at least this time, she wouldn't die in his arms.