Title: You Have No Idea

Rating: Erotica, kink-meme, smut, lemons… whatever you want to call it, it's in here.

Summary: Castle has a wild imagination, and Beckett's no prude, so it makes sense that their love life would reflect that.

Disclaimer: In my dreams. No, seriously, I dream about it. Is that creepy?

Dedication: This entire, absolutely kinky softcore you-know-what session is for Vesja. Vesja, out of all the ideas I presented to you, you said this was your favorite, so it's yours! Consider it an 'I have no idea when your birthday is so here you go' present. Oh, and go check out her stories, everyone!

"It's cliché."

"No; cliché would be you as a nurse."

"You're a bestselling author and you can't think of anything more creative than this?"

"I certainly can, Detective. I just thought we'd start with something more universally well-known before we delved into other things."

"And just what 'other things' are we talking about, here?"

"Ah-ah! No telling."

There was a huffy breath and a roll of the eyes. Then…

"Fine. But I'm in charge."

"What? But I wanted to–"

"Do you want to do this or not?"

There was a long pause.

"Next time, I'll let you be in charge, okay? But this is the first time I've done this and–"

"Wait – what? Katherine Becket, Miss You-Have-No-Idea, has never tried this before?"

"Well, have you?"

There was another long pause.

"…No."

A smirk.

"I thought not."

"Beckeeeeett… please?"

"No, Castle."

"Okay, then. If you're in charge this time, I get to be in charge next time. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Awesome. Now, where…"

"Castle?"

"Yes?"

"Do you see where I'm looking?"

"At the murderboard?"

"Yes. Now, what does that mean?"

"We have a murder to solve."

"Good boy! I suggest we get to it."

"Do I detect a condescending tone, Detective?"

"From me? Never."

The third long pause of the conversation. And then…

"So, is there anything that I should wear?"

"How about a gag?"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Castle waited outside the door, trying to keep his breathing even. He was an intelligent, adventurous man with an excellent imagination and a healthy sex drive, thankyouverymuch. He really shouldn't be this nervous.

From inside the room could be heard the sounds of someone preparing something. There was the noise of something heavy being dragged across the room, and then the sound of curtains being drawn. Finally, a few skittering footsteps towards the door Castle was currently hovering by.

The person on the other side of the door stopped, and very faintly came the sound of someone taking deep breaths. Then the footsteps resumed, this time firm and determined.

He forced himself to walk over to the chair and sit down.

The door opened, and a clipped female voice called out.

"Richard Castle?"

He turned.

Beckett stood there in a crisp white coat that looked suspiciously like the lab coats worn by a certain M.E. and her interns. Her thick locks were tied back in a bun, with not a hair out of place. Her face was blank and professional, like when she was conducting an interrogation or interviewing a victim's family member. Or, like when she was beating his ass in poker.

She gave a small nod when she saw that she'd gotten his attention. "I'm Dr. Beckett, and I'll be examining you today. I'm ready to see you now."

Castle stood up and followed Beckett into his office. He had to work to keep his jaw from dropping upon entering the room.

Beckett had drawn the curtains, making it so that the tall lamp in the corner (a leftover from her apartment from when she'd moved into the loft) provided all the light in the room. It was more than enough to illuminate the space, however. She'd managed to somehow drag his desk away from the bookshelves and smack into the middle of the room. She had then cleared off his computer and all personal affects – most likely stashing them away in the desk's various drawers and cubby holes – and spread a long couch cushion on top (so that was where it went). A thin white sheet draped over the desk completed the "examination table". Castle noted that his enormous desk chair had been dragged over so that it was against the bookshelves, out of the way.

The sound of the door clicking closed behind him snapped him out of his observational reverie, and he turned to face Beckett. She looked him up and down critically, as if sizing him up… or figuring out how to proceed.

On her part, Beckett was loving this. She'd been nervous about the idea, far more than she'd cared to admit, but this wasn't as far out as she'd originally feared. She was in control, and she could do control. Hell, she'd thrived on it, especially in sexual situations. She loved pushing men to the limit, making them beg, feeling that rush of power.

Since that wild phase, she had mellowed somewhat, but that didn't mean that need for control had abated. And seeing that look on Castle's face… well, she could definitely get used to this.

"If you'll just strip down to your boxers, we can begin the physical." She said, trying to keep the smirk out of her voice. She was trying to sound professional, but she was pretty sure she was failing spectacularly.

Castle swallowed, but did as he was told. His sweater (he'd gone for casual that day) and jeans that were deceptively worn-looking (it was amazing how much people would pay for jeans that looked like a dog chewed on them) were folded neatly and placed on the desk chair. He turned, looking to Beckett, awaiting instructions.

Beckett held back a shudder of pleasure. She was never going to tire of seeing that chest of his – softened a little with age but still well-defined and oh, so sexy. She indicated the table.

"Sit, please." She said, hoping her voice wasn't as tight as her throat was. Castle sat, still not making a peep. She had a sneaky suspicion all this silence now would result in an awful lot of talking later.

Castle waited, sitting on the surprisingly comfy desk. He really did have nice couch cushions, didn't he? He'd have to make a point to appreciate them more often. He watched as Beckett stepped forward, her gaze cool and calculating. He swallowed, trying to wet his desert-dry throat. She had him right where she wanted him, and they both knew it.

Slowly, Beckett placed her hands on his chest, spreading her fingers wide and running her hands up his torso. She didn't fail to notice when Castle's breath hitched.

"You appear to be in good shape, Mr. Castle." She said, trying to keep her voice light and professional.

"I work out." He said lamely. He was much too entranced by Beckett's hands on his chest to think up a good line at the moment.

Beckett removed her hands from his body and walked around to the back of the table, placing her hands on his back this time and repeating her former actions. Her fingers skimmed just along the top of his boxers, and she delighted in watching the goosebumps that erupted.

There was the sound of something shifting behind him, and Castle felt the cushion dip a little Beckett moved. It wasn't until he felt her arms wrap around his waist and her chest press against his back, however, that he realized what she'd done. She'd climbed onto the desk and was now kneeling behind him, a few inches taller than he was she was on her knees and he was sitting.

"So tell me, Mr. Castle…" She breathed, her mouth right by his ear.

"Call me Rick." He said, his voice becoming husky as he struggled not to show how turned on he was.

Beckett didn't falter. "All right then, Rick." She said, her voice beginning to drop some of the professionalism. "So tell me… Rick… have you been experiencing any… discomfort, lately?"

He was experiencing some pretty big discomfort right now, as a matter of fact. He cleared his throat. "Actually, yes, I've been having a rather… embarrassing problem, lately."

"Oh?" Beckett had stopped running her hands over his body and slipped off the table. She walked back around to the front, facing him. "What kind of problem, Rick?"

If she didn't stop saying his name like that, this was going to end embarrassingly quickly. Castle focused on his breathing and tried to get a grip.

"I've been having difficulty achieving… finding release." He finished.

Beckett's quirked grin was anything but professional. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that." She said, her smile widening. It was her Sexy Kate smile, the one she reserved only for him.

"You know…" She said slowly, her hands coming up to toy with the top button of the lab coat. "In my experience, Rick, it's not usually a physical problem."

"It's not?" He was having a very hard time taking his eyes off of the button that Kate was fiddling with.

Kate shook her head. She was really, really enjoying this now. "No; my research shows that it's all a mental problem."

"Mental?" Making his mouth form words had suddenly become a problem as Kate began to unbutton the lab coat.

"What I'm saying, Rick, is that I don't think you're finding someone that is turning you on enough; someone who's enough of a challenge. You need someone who can drive you crazy, who can entice you… you need someone who's a mystery. You always need a mystery, don't you, Rick?"

The lab coat was open and hanging loose now. Slowly, with one deep breath for courage, Kate let it slide off her shoulders and fall to the floor. She wouldn't have minded keeping it on, but if Lanie found out what had happened in her lab coat Kate knew she'd be the next body under the M.E.'s knife.

Rick's eyes nearly fell out of his head.

How did… when did she… what the hell…

If his brain had been a computer, it would have been flashing red warning lights and screaming robotically "Warning: Overload".

Kate was wearing a lacy white thong and garter belt, with a strapless push-up bra that had so little fabric it barely deserved the name. The white lace of both pieces of lingerie was pretty much see-through, providing tantalizing glimpses of what lay beneath.

Watching Rick's reaction, Kate breathed an inner sigh of relief. She didn't usually wear white, but she felt it fit the whole doctor-theme thing.

She stepped forward, sashaying her hips, entrancing him like a snake entrances a helpless sparrow. When she stood so that she was between her legs, she ran her hands up and cupped his chin, forcing him to look her in the eyes.

"I think that I should be able to take care of your… problem, don't you think, Rick?" She asked. "I find that it's usually best to be more hands-on with patients."

Rick swallowed. If she didn't take care of his 'problem' soon, he was going to burst.

Putting a hand on his chest, Kate gently pushed him so that he was lying on the desk, then climbed up and straddled him. She rubbed her heat against his manhood, her eyes shining as she watched him bite back a groan. She leaned forward and whispered in his ear, reaching up and undoing her bun so that her hair spilled out over her shoulders and around their faces in all its cherry-scented glory.

"This won't hurt a bit." She whispered sensuously.

Raising herself up again, Kate undid her bra with painful slowness, before cupping her breasts and massaging them with her hands. Her head fell back, her mouth open with pleasure as she rolled her nipples with her fingers. Rick watched, fascinated, frozen as she pleasured herself, one hand snaking down and pressing against her clit, the lacy fabric rubbing in delicious counterpoint.

When she started talking, he was pretty sure he was going to come undone right then.

"Hmm… this should… solve your problem, don't you think?" She hummed. "Oh…"

"Why don't you let me prove it to you?" He growled.

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "Yes, Rick… why don't you?"

Kate lifted her bottom, sliding the thong down and off her long, creamy legs, before turning her attention to his boxers. She divested him of them, taking her throbbing manhood in her hand. It was already hard enough for her to encase, but she wanted to tease him a little longer. She stroked him slowly, never breaking eye contact.

Rick tried to focus on something, anything, to distract him because this was too much, this was insane and holy shit she could not have looked sexier, her hair spilling around her, the amber of her eyes almost completely swallowed by her dark pupils, licking her lips with hunger as she stroked him.

He was about to open his mouth, to tell her to stop, that he was about to ruin the sheet and the smoking hot lingerie she was wearing, but then she did. He let out an involuntary groan of protest.

"Patient appears responsive." Kate's voice was more of a gasp than anything else. She remembered hearing the EMTs saying things like that when they were dealing with the injured.

She looked at him through lowered lashes. "Just one last test, Rick, and you'll be free to go." She smirked.

Rick's fingers twitched to touch her, but that had been another thing they'd discussed (along with the whole who was in charge thing) and touching was not allowed unless permission was given. He sent up a quick prayer that permission would be quick in coming.

Kate raised herself up and slowly lowered herself onto him. They each sucked in a breath at the sensation, Rick's eyes nearly rolling to the back of his head. She held that position a moment, not moving, just reveling in the feel of him in her. Then he twitched inside of her, and her biting need reasserted itself. She began to move as slowly as she could, but her trademark impatience took its toll and soon she was moving almost frantically above him.

A war commenced inside of her. She wanted to retain the control, the absolute power she'd had, but she also wanted him to touch her. She wanted him to touch her badly. And desire always won out in these situations.

"Rick…" She moaned.

That was all the encouragement he needed. He began to thrust his hips upwards in time with her movements, running his hands up and down her sides for a moment before settling on her breasts, squeezing them, his thumbs brushing against her nipples and creating pleasure so sharp it was almost painful. Then he sat up. The angle changed, hitting her spot and she began to cry out, but he pressed his lips to hers and swallowed the sound.

Now that he was able to touch her, they both became frantic, touching and squeezing and running hands over each other and groping like they'd never been able to touch each other before, like this was the first time. It was insane, frenzied, lustful, and over far, far too quickly.

They sank back against the cushioned desk, breathing heavily.

After a minute, Rick found his voice.

"I'm never going to be able to write at this desk again." He croaked.

Kate's entire body shook with her laugh. "I'm not going to be able to look at Lanie's lab coat with a straight face again, so we're even."

He laughed, running a hand through her hair. "Have I told you how absolutely sexy you are?" He murmured, his nose going to its favorite hiding spot in her cherry-scented hair.

"Mmm… not since this morning, no."

She sat up and clambered off of him. "C'mon, we have to clean up before Alexis gets home – doctor's orders."

He chuckled and got up. "Well, since it's doctor's orders and all…" He paused, his playboy leer forming on his face.

Kate frowned. "What are you thinking?" She said, worried.

"Oh, nothing; I was just remembering that next time, I get to be in charge." His voice sent shivers up her spine.

"Uh-huh. We'll see how well that works out for you." She said. "Now help me clean up."

He didn't move. He was too busy ogling her bare butt.

"Castle, c'mon. The sooner we get cleaned up, the sooner we can go to bed."

"Promise?"

God, he was such a puppy sometimes.

"Yes, promise."

They had the room cleaned up in under five minutes.

Thoughts? Comments? Concerns about my sanity? If you have any ideas you want to bring to the table, please, go ahead! I'm always open to suggestions when it comes to these two. So, please review and pass along those ideas!

Pssst… there's a Firefly quote in there. Catch it if you can!

And remember… Beckett promised that next time Castle would be in charge! *wink*