SE Hinton owns. Pardon typos. Last chapter and a long one. Please, oh please, enjoy.

Loved One

OoO

Darry has mellowed some but today the some's an understatement. He screams at the nurses and the doctors for not catching the infection that's lingered with Ponyboy ever since he was released. Slowly it's been building and no one's saw it until now.

When Darry finds me in the hall his voice is hoarse. He sinks into a chair and doesn't talk to anyone until the doctor takes us back to see our brother.

Pony's admitted for 24 hours. He sleeps through most of it. They lower his temperature; treat him for exhaustion and dehydration. They shoot him up with medication and send him back home with us.

OoO

"You got it?"

"I got it."

Finally, I manage to steady my hand and light my smoke. Steve sits on the steps of the back porch as I pace the lawn. "He's okay, Soda."

I run a hand across my forehead, breathe out smoke. "Yeah, I know. I know."

Josie's shadow floats pass the window; she and Darry are up keeping watch. I told Darry he'd better hang onto this one – especially if she came back after what happened last night. I never heard a girl shriek so loud when my little brother hit the pavement.

"Thanks," I say to Steve. He waves it away.

"Thanks," I repeat, needing to say it to my best friend. "For being there. For following him. If you hadn't…well…shit…" I toss my dead cigarette into the bushes, the possibilities too much for words. "I owe you, man."

"You don't owe me nothing, Sodapop." He grins. "Don't tell the kid though. I don't want him getting any ideas."

OoO

I slip in the room when he's asleep. Or so I think. Pony's green eyes are open, staring at the ceiling. "Soda," he says. He gives me that crooked smile and I begin to breathe easier. Almost.

"You scared me something awful."

"I know," he says, "I drove like crap." He cracks another weak smile.

"Not that, kiddo." I give a quiet chuckle and plop next to him on the bed. And because I need to know, because it's been weighing on me since Steve told me something had happened, because I'm a son-of-a-bitch, I ask, "What'd he say to you?"

He looks at me. Looks at the ceiling. And when Ponyboy tells me, in his quiet whisper, I've never been so mad in my life.

OoO

The next morning, he's there. I nearly slam the door in his face. Thomas Mercer sticks his boot in the door, propping it open.

"Mercer—" I growl.

"I heard about Ponyboy. Jesus, Darry, how is he?"

He's looking rough – although we could be tied for the who's-slept-the-least award. "Here," I say, digging into my pockets. "Here're your keys. Take them and take your car."

The Corvette's been on our curb for the last two days. Two-Bit keeps saying he'll auction it off to the first person in the neighborhood who wants it, and I don't blame him. In fact, I want to take a baseball bat to it.

The Cowboy stares at the keys. "That's not what I came for."

"Well, that's all you're gonna get."

"Darry," The Cowboy opens his hands, an awkward plea. "I never meant to hurt him…say the shit that I did. I was drunk, I feel awful. If you'd just let me talk—"

"He's sick and he's out of it, he's not even awake. And the last thing you're going to do is upset him."

He takes his hat off. "I'm sorry, Darrel. Christ, I do – I love that kid."

"Don't say that. Not now."

"I swear if something happened to him I'd never forgive myself…"

The ball of anger I've been trying to contain twists and turns in my gut. Disgusted, I say, "You need to go. Go clean yourself up. You look like shit."

He backs away from the door and only then do I give him some relief. Because I know it's what Ponyboy would want even though I have half a mind to let the guy suffer.

"When he's better, if he wants to see you, he can. Until then, leave us alone."

OoO

Darry's asleep next to me; his boots on, his arms propped behind his head resting on a pillow. It's the first I've seen of him since being out of the hospital.

I roll onto my side. Shake him. "Darry," I whisper. "You awake?"

With a grunt he opens his eyes and then gives a jump like he's forgotten what's happened. He sits up, looking half-crazed. "Yeah, I'm here, Ponyboy. What do you need? You okay?"

"I'm okay. Are you mad at me?"

"Mad at you? For what?"

"I stole a car."

He lets out a relieved laugh. "That's the least of my worries." He reaches over, feeling my face for coolness. "You know you gotta stay in bed for a while. Rest up and get better."

"Yeah," I say to the ceiling. I feel numb inside; stunned by what Thomas Mercer had said at his house. I should be relieved, we don't have ties to each other but instead I feel like such a sucker for even thinking he cared. I was stupid too.

Darry turns the bedside light on and I wince at the glow. "Pony, The Cowboy came by and—"

I turn my face to the wall. "I don't want to see him."

"You don't have to," Darry says, resting a hand on my arm. He doesn't ask me what happened but he doesn't need to. His face says everything; Soda's already told him.

OoO

I start coughing and don't stop until there's a hand on my back. Twisting in bed, I turn over. "Sod—what're you doing here?"

Steve scowls. "I told your brothers I'd watch you. They're off trying to earn a few dollars before they get fired."

"Shut up, Steve." Wincing, I sit up, trying not to cough. I blink – the room's full of daylight. "Man, how long have I been asleep?"

"Long enough," he says.

He reaches a hand out and I slap it away.

"Christ, you're a little shit."

I scratch my head, dazed and puzzled. Everything feels like an odd, faraway dream. "I have to go to the bathroom," I mutter, sliding out of bed.

The minute I hit the ground the room spins. I nearly fall but Steve grabs my arm, lifting me up and propelling me to the bathroom. "Oh god," I groan. "I feel like hell."

"Yeah, and you look it too."

I grip the sink, trying not to be sick and then I move to the toilet. I sway a moment and then Steve's gripping my bicep, holding me up and close to the toilet. I gawk at him, semi-appalled, semi-grateful, because I don't think I could stand on my own.

"Are you actually helping me pee?"

"So help me god, kid," Steve grits out, his back to me. "I will kill you if you tell anyone about this. Just do your goddamn business."

I nod, keep a straight face. Inside, I'm laughing so hard it hurts.

OoO

A week later I finally manage to get out of the house, if only to run errands with Two-Bit. It's his day off – which in his case "running errands" means buying beer – and I jumped at the chance to go along.

"I put a case of booze down last night bigger than this." Two-Bit raises the 24-pack of beer above his head.

"Is there anything you do other than drink, Two-Bit?" I ask, following him to the register.

He shoots me a smile and a swagger. "Nothin else this fun." Pulling out his wallet, he's ready to hand cash to the clerk when he suddenly swears. "I forgot my mom's aspirin."

"I'll get."

"Thanks kid," he says, stepping out of line.

Scooting through the aisles, I finally find the pill section, and grab the cheapest bottle of aspirin there is.

"Hey Pony."

I glance up and over and the Cowboy's coming down the aisle. He looks better than the last time I saw him: sober and clean-cut.

"Wha—what are you doing here?"

"I saw Two-Bit's truck outside." He stops about a foot away from me and stares. "How are you feeling, kid?"

"I'm okay…look, I gotta g—"

"Wait – give me a minute, will ya, Ponyboy?"

"Darry told you – I don't want to talk to you." I grip the bottle hard, and take a step away.

"I know you don't, but Pony, I'm so sorry." He takes his hat off, his eyes still my shade of green.

"I never should have said the things that I did. I was drunk and stupid. Shit, the things that I said…" The Cowboy shakes his head in loathing. "Kid, I'm a heel. I can't make it up to you."

The hurt in my stomach clenches, allowing me to almost believe he means it. I want to get past it; but when I think of what he said…it still hurts. I put too much stock into Thomas Mercer and I shouldn't have. It's easier just to be angry and push him away.

"It doesn't matter," I say, and I hear my voice shake. "You made it clear – you don't have to have anything to do with me anymore."

"Pony, Christ," he pleads. "I don't want that. I never wanted that." He swears. "Goddamn it, I love you more than you kn—"

"Stop it." I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Glory, kid, what's taking you so long? My beer's getting warm…" Two-Bit breaks off as he rounds the corner. His face goes from laughing to stony in less than five seconds when he sees Thomas Mercer.

"You know what Darry said."

"I know and I don't want any trouble. Just wanted to talk to Pony is all."

Two-Bit looks at me close. "You want to talk to him, Pone?"

"No," I say. "I don't. I just want to go home."

"You heard the kid," Two-Bit says to the Cowboy. Swiping the aspirin from my hands, Two-Bit gently pushes me out of the aisle. "So let's go, kiddo."

I don't look back.

OoO

Soda watches me get ready for a date with Josie. He's lingering in the door of the bathroom while I shave.

"I almost feel bad for the guy," I tell him, meaning Thomas Mercer.

Two-Bit had relayed the story of what had happened this afternoon, Ponyboy barely chiming in, only to clarify that no, Two-Bit did not try to fight the Cowboy, and yes, he was fine. My brother had barely eaten a bite of dinner before retreating to his room.

"Aw, hell, Dar," Soda says with a wince. "Don't tell me that."

I give a chuckle at the distaste in my brother's voice. "That doesn't mean I like him, Sodapop." I rinse my razor off, shaving cream running down the drain. "And he had no right talking to Pony the way he did…but all the same, his world just got turned upside down."

I turn the water off and smear a towel over my face. I never liked Thomas Mercer and I never will. I don't have sympathy for the man who tried to take Pony away from us but I'm pretty sure I can scrounge up some empathy.

The Cowboy treated Ponyboy well. He cared about my brother and for that I'm thankful. Plus, I know how the guy feels; the first thing I had done after finding the letters was drink half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pass out in my truck. I'm not proud of it but I can relate.

"That doesn't mean I forgive the guy," I say. "I just understand where he's coming from. You get that, buddy?"

Soda has his arms crossed, his eyes taking on a faraway look. "Sure, Dar," he says finally looking my way. He swallows thickly. "I get it."

OoO

I go outside to smoke.

Right now, Pony's holed up in his room, his mind whirling over how to handle this. My little brother's always been the forgiving type and he'll eventually end up there with Thomas Mercer. Lucky for him, I won't.

But I know Darry's right. Damn it.

As soon as my brother had started talking about understanding the Cowboy my mind had gone there. Gone to Sandy. She messed me up good. Had me believing that her and that kid were both mine until she finally broke down and told me.

I get what Darry means; hell I've been there. No one's innocent in this; Ponyboy and the Cowboy – all of us – got put through the ringer.

We all got screwed one way or the other.

OoO

Josie's been sent over by Darry to watch me. I don't think Darry trusts me staying home alone yet. She's been cleaning the house and fixing me food I won't eat for the last two hours. Needing to escape, I grab a book and mosey outside.

All I can think about these days if I'm doing the right thing by ignoring Thomas Mercer. Both my brothers have been oddly supportive about however I want to handle it. I'm just not sure I know myself.

She comes when I'm on the porch smoking a cigarette, on the third chapter of Fahrenheit 451. Rita walks up the path, purse in her hands and stops at the foot of the stairs. I draw my legs beneath me on the porch swing.

"I want to talk to you, mijo. One last time and then I'll go."

My heart is loud and it's in my ears. "Okay," I say and I am so nervous.

OoO

"Hello?"

"Darry, I think you better get home." Josie lowers her voice as my pulse starts racing. "That woman's here. That Rita," she hisses.

"Christ."

I glance at the crew around me. "Listen, I'll—I'll try to get out as soon as I c—Mack! It's to the right, not—" I swear again. "Call Soda or Two-Bit, see if they can get over there. I'll be home as soon as I can."

OoO

Her voice is haunted. A million tales threading through it until she gets to mine. I've heard a lot I wish I didn't know but this is the worse. The lowest.

"You were right," Rita continues, getting to the point in her spiel that makes me hurt. "I took the letters. I wish I hadn't but I did." She rubs her weary hands together. "I knew before the letters though, Ponyboy. I am guilty of the worst."

I lick my lips. "What?"

"Lara came by when Tomas was at the rodeo. She was very with child – with you – and happy. Glowing. She wanted to talk to him, it was important. She wouldn't tell me but I instantly knew. I knew the look of love. And it wasn't with Tomas anymore. That's when I first knew you weren't his."

Her eyes flicker as Two-Bit comes walking up the drive. He reaches the porch and leans against the side of the house. "Hey Pony." His hands are in his pockets, a tight smile on his face. "You okay, kiddo?"

I give a nod. Josie hovers by the screen door listening. I rub my burning chest. Then, as if Rita hasn't seen Two-Bit, she continues and suddenly I'm wishing she wouldn't.

"After you were born came the letters."

"You read them." It's unnecessary to state the obvious but I need to say it. To get it out of me.

"I did. It's a shameful thing but Tomas was like a son. I had to protect him. I swore I'd keep it for only a little bit, mijo, until the love wore off. But then he left after you were born. He respected Miss Lara. I thought there was no need."

"I had planned to tell him one day. But then your mama died in that horrible accident and Tomas fell apart when he heard the news."

She grabs my hands, trying to steady them. "Mijo, I couldn't tell him. By the grace of god, it was for his own good. Tomas loved your mama so much. He was so happy thinking he at least had you. You kept him alive."

"But what about me?" I whisper. "Did you think about what it would do to us?"

"I'm ashamed to say I did not." For once she's honest and that almost hurts the most. Rita wipes brimming eyes and stands. "You should forgive him. He was hurt by me and took it out on you. He did not mean his words. Mijo, he's loved you for a long time."

"I'm sorry for this Ponyboy." She leans over and touches my face gently. "I'm so sorry for everything."

OoO

I get home right in time to see Josie exit the house. She sits down next to an astonished-looking Ponyboy and grips his hand. My brother bursts into tears. Somewhere in the distance a lawn mower starts puttering.

Two-Bit meets me at the truck. "She just left, Dar."

"Thanks for coming."

"I didn't do much," he says.

"What happened?"

"She just talked. Hell, it was hard for me to hear, so I can't imagine what it did to the kid."

I look at the two people on the porch and rub a hand across my stubbly chin. "I can."

OoO

I get Pony inside and sit him down at the table. Two-Bit goes to the fridge and grabs a beer.

"I'm sorry, Darry," Josie's apologizing. "I never should have—"

"Don't worry," I tell her as she hovers in the kitchen. "You couldn't have known." I turn to my brother, who looks slightly stunned. "You alright?"

Pony splays his hands out, on top of the table. "I'm just so confused." He lets out a small laugh. "I thought it would get easier once we knew."

"Hell, I did too."

"What do you think I should do, Dar?"

"I don't know kiddo. What do you want to do?"

"I'm not sure yet," he says. "I know he's not my dad but it feels weird to just forget about him, you know?"

A chair scrapes and Josie sits across from Pony. "Listen, honey, you can't make everyone happy all of the time," she says. "Do what you want when it's right."

Two-Bit toasts her. "Wise words. Wise woman."

Pony gives a crooked smile and takes a breath.

OoO

It's been a long month but life's finally starting to get back to normal. The Cowboy still calls every day, calls so much Steve told Darry to just unplug the phone. And while I still haven't talked to him I think I'm coming around. He means too much to just cut him out. I need to call him.

When all this started happening – the secrets, the tug-of-war, the lies – back then I was too confused to understand what I should do. But now I'm beginning to think I already know.

OoO

My answer comes on the sidewalk. I'm halfway to the grocery store, needing to pick up some milk, when I trip over my own feet. I stumbled but manage to right myself by grabbing the side of a building. When I glance up that's when I see it.

I rest a palm on cool glass. In the window of the Woolworth's, my reflection is bounced back at me. And this time, with nothing, no one, clouding my vision I really see.

I see my dad in me.

His off-kilter grin I inherited, his curiosity – how he'd never give up on anything, his love of reading.

I glance down at my hands, at the light veins threading them, the long fingers so like my mother's and Soda's. The eyes that stare back are my mom's. Not the Cowboy's. She gave me them.

She also gave me a whole lot of secrets I still don't really understand. But I'm glad that I do. I know my mother; and I know the Cowboy too.

My expression wavers in the window and then disappears as I move away. My parents – both my mom and my dad – run through me. I don't know how I ever doubted it.

OoO

Steve and I are closing up shop when the big brown Impala swerves into the station. We watch it through the window. Steve sits on a bench and smokes his smoke, watching the door. I go behind the counter to count change. The clack of boots sound and a door chime and then—

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Thomas Mercer holds up his hands. He's shaven and his hair neatly trimmed. "Look, Sodapop, I don't blame you but I got something to say."

Finished wiping down the counter, I slam the rag into the trash. "You know, you're a real low down son of a bitch for what you said to my brother."

"I know I am. I won't argue with that."

"So what do you want Mercer?"

"I just want to talk to him."

"You talk to me. When he wants to see you he'll find you."

Steve, his eyes trailing the Cowboy, takes a long drag and then flicks his cigarette butt towards Thomas Mercer. It hits the ground, the burning end dying out. "Talk or get the fuck out," he says.

The Cowboy nudges the brim of his hat up, his eyes reminding me of Pony's for a brief moment, and then pulls something out of his pocket. It glints in the faint light of the DX. "Here," he says. "Give the kid this."

He sticks a hand out and Steve palms it. Tosses it over to me. I turn it over in my hands; it's my mom's lighter, the one Ponyboy lost. "You found it," I murmur, without meaning to.

"Dragged the pond," The Cowboy says. He takes his hat off. "Listen, I'm leaving town tomorrow." I glance up, and he's heading toward the door. "I want to see Pony before I go. So tell him – if he'll come."

"I'll tell him."

OoO

I sling my tool belt on the couch and enter the kitchen, which smells like chili.

There's a pot on the stove and a jug of milk on the counter. In walks Ponyboy, book in his hand and when I look at him I realize he looks like the old Ponyboy – bright eyes, that crooked smile and untroubled.

"Hey Pony." I peer into the pot. "Dinner looks good."

"Smells good too," a voice echoes and Sodapop strolls around the corner. His smile's tight. "I got something for you Pone."

"What's that?" Pony's face lights up as he takes the shiny object Soda hands him. "Hey! You found it."

"I didn't find it," Soda says. "The Cowboy did. Brought it by the shop."

Ponyboy smiles and flips the lighter on. A flame flickers. "It works too."

"Listen, there's something else…" Soda shoots me a pained look. "He wanted me to tell you he's leaving tomorrow."

His face goes white. "Leaving? You mean, like moving?"

"Yeah, I think so…" Soda smears a hand through his hair.

I'm already pulling the keys out of my pocket. "You want a ride up there, kiddo?" Pony gives me a look so thankful it breaks my heart.

"I'm coming with you," Soda says, reaching over to turn off the stove before following me and Pony out.

OoO

Panic creeps its way into me. That I'm too late, I missed him.

Darry and Soda stay in the truck while I run into the house. It's empty, boxed up, cardboard boxes propped against the wall. The sofa and recliner have plastic sheeting draped over them, any pictures gone from the wall. I shout for Thomas. Run up the stairs and back down. Nothing.

I bolt out the back door and across the lawn. I pass the pond, now completely dry, and hear Goosey's bark. A light's on inside the barn.

Thomas Mercer's climbing down from the hay loft. The stalls are bare, the mares probably sold off by now. Goosey bounds over, wagging her tail in all directions. She licks my hand.

"You're leaving?" I ask, breathing heavily.

"You came," he says, sounding surprised.

"I'm sorry," I say, shaking my head. "I should have came earlier but—"

"Hey, hey," The Cowboy says, softly smiling. "It's okay. I get it, son."

"So you're really leaving?"

"I am. There's nothing else here for me."

"But—but what about—where's Rita?"

"Let her go." He shrugs, moving around me to sit on a hay bale. "She shouldn't have done what she did Ponyboy. It was a dirty thing she did. To me. To you. The truth is better than hurting anyone."

"But you don't have to just up and leave…"

"I can't stick around town after this. I need to get out of your life. It's not fair to you. Your brothers. I mean, hell, the way I've acted…"

I go and sit next to him. Next to this man who's acted like my father for six months. "Where're you gonna go?"

"Head west. I hear California's nice this time of year."

"I don't want you to go," I say honestly. "I feel like I just got to know you and now…now I don't know what to think."

"When you're older you'll think about it differently."

"How?"

"You're just a kid. In five, 10 years, you'll look back and this will barely be a mark in your life."

I shake my head. "No…it's more than that." And I mean it. Thomas Mercer taught me more about my mom than I thought possible, introduced me to a different life outside Tulsa, even if I didn't really want it.

"I'm sorry for meddling with your family, Ponyboy. Your brothers – they're better for you than I could ever be." He gives me a grin. "You think we make all the right decisions. But we're adults and we screw up too you know?" He laughs. "In case you couldn't tell. Listen, don't let this whole…mess change what you think about your mama. She was never mine to love. She belonged to your daddy. We both knew that."

"You know…" Thomas Mercer's voice gets thick. "I really thought you were my son, Ponyboy. I had hoped so for a long time."

I nod, my chest tight and constricted. I can't talk even if I wanted to.

He pats my cheek. "You're a good kid. And anytime you need anything – money, advice, a place to stay in California – you call me."

"I will." I take a breath. "I'm glad I know you."

Thomas Mercer says, "There's a box inside with your name on it. Take it. It's yours."

I leave the garage. I get the box and I go home with my brothers.

OoO

Pony's quiet on the drive home. I wrap an arm around his shoulders. "You okay kiddo?"

"I'm fine," he says quietly. "You ain't gotta worry about me all the time."

"We'll always worry about you."

He laughs. "Yeah well, you won't worry about me when I move out one day. What'll you do then?"

Darry raises a brow, his eyes amused. "What makes you think you're moving out?"

"Yeah," I add. "We're gonna keep you forever." I give Pony a wink and try to ruffle his hair.

Laughing again, he ducks his head away. The box on his lap bounces as Darry takes a corner. "What's in there?" Darry asks.

"I don't know," Pony says. "Just something the Cowboy gave me."

Darry's voice is controlled, curious, "How do you feel, Pone?"

There's a long pause and then Ponyboy says, "I feel free. I don't know if you get what I mean but—"

"No," Darry says. "I do. I get it, kiddo." I catch Ponyboy's smile in the dark cab of the truck and know it will all be alright.

OoO

A few days later I open the box. Inside are all the photos of my mom and the other letters she had written him.

I imagine the Cowboy's probably in California by now. It's a relief that he's gone – I'll never forget him, but the reminder of what's happened is out of sight. I can tell Darry and Soda are relieved, although they'd never tell me that. It's been a rough ride, pulling everyone in unfathomable directions and I'm glad we're all back to being whole.

A manila envelope catches my eye. Ponyboy is written across the front in unfamiliar print. I open it and a letter and a smaller envelope falls into my lap.

I open the letter first.

Ponyboy,

I wanted to give you what belonged to your mama because it should be yours.

Son, you've meant the world to me. I'm grateful for the time I had with you.

I've put that $500 into a bank account at First National. The password is 'goosey' should you ever want or need the money. It's yours. I won't take it back. Go to college. See the world. Whatever you do, do something with it. Your mama would have wanted you to.

You're a good kid and I'm proud of you.

Thomas

Stunned, I hastily stick the letter back in the envelope. I just have to laugh; even now the Cowboy keeps trying to have his way. I pick up the small envelope – it's square, about the size of a business card and has an address on the front of it.

Before I can open it there's a sharp knock and then the bedroom door swings open. Steve sticks his greasy head inside. He's scowling. "What're you doing in here? Moping?"

I roll my eyes, shift on the bed, spilling the contents of the box off my lap. "None of your business."

Outside my room I can hear Soda and Darry bickering over something and Josie's calming voice. There's a crash and then Two-Bit's, "Ohhhhh shit…"

Steve opens the door wider. "So what do you say, kid? Wanna go practice some while Two-Bit trashes the place?"

A smile spreads across my face. "Sounds like a plan." Hopping off the bed, I follow Steve out of the room, before I realize I'm still holding the small envelope. Absentmindedly I open it and a silver key falls into my palm.

I stop in the middle of the living room.

"Jesus," Steve snaps. "Kid, get a move on will ya—" I show him the key. His eyes get big and greedy.

"Oh no," Darry says. He starts shaking his head. "No. Tell me he didn't." Soda busts into a laugh, going into the kitchen where he really lets loose.

"He did."

Steve lets out a long whistle as I hold the key to the Cowboy's Corvette up, the sun from the window glinting off of it. I scan the room; Soda's laughing, Darry's trying not to smile, and I realize I couldn't ask for anything better. I have all that I need.

OoO

Eeee, it's over. Wow. What can I say?! Thank you so, so much for reading, for reviewing. I sincerely hope you enjoyed. I had such fun writing. I hope I'll be back.

Please review!

XO,

Feisty