AMATERASU – 2183 CE

The gravel crunched underneath her boots. No longer were they polished to the point that she could see her reflection. Numerous nervous scuffmarks marred the patent leather shoes, relics of military traditions past, from her legs crossing and uncrossing during the ceremony.

And now that it was over and done with, she stood facing the front path of her childhood home. Inside the small two-story house was the Williams family; her three sisters and her mother. It had been so long since she'd seen them, and had fought a reaper to make sure this chance would come.

With a sharp inhale she approached the front door, not expecting it to be flung open before she could even knock.

The whoosh of the elevator doors shook Ashley back to reality as the trio of Garrus, Wrex and Shepard had entered the Mako bay. All the while, Shepard's gaze had been honed on Ashley, and she felt her uneasiness mounting. With each step, as Shepard drew nearer, Ashley's gut twisted into a painful knot.

Gotta do something fast!

Hurriedly, and with a flourish of fingers on a keyboard, she dialed Sarah's number and prayed repeatedly that the youngest Williams would pick up.

And in a matter of seconds, Sarah William's beaming face appears on screen. "Ash! Holy crap Ash Is that you!"

Just in time.

Inwardly Ashley hoped Sarah, and to an extent Shepard, didn't catch the huge sigh she just heaved. "Yeah goober, it's me."

Sarah's grinning face encompassed the entire screen, before she whipped her head to call back. "Hey Ma! Ash is on the line! Get in here!" She redirected herself to Ashley once more. "What's up Sis? We haven't heard from you in a while! How're things going?"

"Pretty good so far! The Normandy's freakin' sweet sis, you'd love this ship. Better than anywhere else I've served before."

Sarah nodded excitedly. "Seriously, what a cool ship! We've been watching the news coverage back home Sis! Everyone keeps asking us about you."

"I'm a-ok, if not a little tired. But the crew of the Normandy is really awesome too Sar. Commander Shep-" Ashley began but Sarah's eager voice cut her off.

"Especially that Kaiden guy. He's cute!"

She blanched for a moment hoping to Whomever that no one heard the teenaged outburst, though Ashley was pretty positive that there was a laugh from a certain Krogan.

"What's he like anyway?"

"Uh…he's nice…I guess." God I just want to smack that smug face off of Wrex. "We've been on a couple missions together, along with the Comm-"

"Cut the crap Ash. When are you bringing him back to Amaterasu so we can meet him?"

"Excuse me!" Ashley shook her head. Typical Sarah. "I think you've got the wrong idea here, you know fraternizing is wrong and he's a superior officer." Peering forlornly over her shoulder at Shepard, Ashley swallowed a pang of want. "Besides…he's…not my type." Instantly she realized what had just escaped her lips. Once more left hoping her boot will find it's way into her mouth.

"OK let me rephrase, when are you bringing him back to Amaterasu so that I can meet him."

Whew…

"Haha, you ass. Can I talk to mom real quick, I have to get back to my duties."

"Not a problem, here she is! Love ya Sis! Come home soon!"

"You too!"

"Hello Sweetpea." Mrs. Williams' soft voice came through the speaker. The very sound pushed a few fat tears down the slope of Ashley's cheek.

"Mom…I-I miss you." She trembled. "So much." Reaching with her fingertips she traced to contours of her mother's face upon the screen.

"Oh Sweetpea. I miss you too."

"I know it's probably gonna be a while til I see you again…but I just want you to know that's I'm alright…Hopefully the mission will be over soon. I'm on that first flight to Amaterasu as soon as it's done." Behind her, Shepard's conversation with Garrus drew to a close and she began walking toward the workbench.

"Honey, honey, honey…hush…I'm not worried. You're a Williams, and you know we're a tough bunch. Just be safe out there love." The Commander now stands at the far side of her bench, absently sorting through some of the rifles Ashley worked with earlier. She looked weary.

"Thanks Ma…Are Lynn and Abby ok?" She wiped a stray tear from her eye.

"They send their love and want you to know they miss you very much, but they are doing fine. Classes start up again for Abby next week, and Lynn just started a new internship with an engineering firm." Her mother said brightly.

I've been away from home for too long. When Ashley left for basic, Abby and Lynn had just started high school and Sarah was still in elementary school. The three precocious little troublemakers had idolized their eldest sister. "Ma I promise you that when all this is over, Amaterasu's my first stop." The Skipper is even closer now. "Alright, gotta jet ma, gotta get back to my duties. Love you."

"I love you too sweetpea, keep your chin up, but don't be a stranger. Keep us posted. We're rooting for you back home!" Signing off, Ashley shrugged her shoulders and turned to face the Commander for the first time since their encounter.

"That was your family wasn't it?" Face devoid of emotion, the Commander's tone was equally stoic. "You look so much like your mother."

"Uh—yep. Just checking in. Haven't seen them in a while." She nervously ran a hand on the back of her neck. "Didn't want them to be worrying about me." She watched as Shepard's lips moved slightly, as though she wanted to say something but there was nothing.

"Gear up, we're heading out in an hour. And be sure to bundle up, Noveria is cold as shit." And with a quick pivot she closed the distance to the elevator promptly.

After all that, she's still picking me for shore party? I can't believe this.

Twenty minutes later, Ashley walked a few paces behind the Commander, following her to the airlock, fully unprepared for what was waiting for them on Noveria. Ashley didn't know much about this place, save for the fact that it was a hotbed of corruption.

The mission brief was just that; brief.

Find Benezia.

Great, nothing else beyond that, find one lone Asari on an entire planet.

The Commander stood by the airlock, and Ashley continued to keep her distance, not having said more than three words to the Spectre over the past two days.

But Ashley, as much as you want to deny it, that during those two days, Shepard's been on your mind every waking moment. So many what ifs… Maybe we can get a chance on Noveria to…

"Sorry I'm late Commander." Every muscle tensed instantly at the sound of her voice. Miss Prothean expert. All hopes of talking with the Commander, suddenly dashed.

"It's alright Liara. Just be prepared."

Liara nods in understanding.

Is this a joke?

And once they were in the yawning Port Hanshan, the raging snowstorms outside only made Ashley claustrophobic, as did the nearness of the Commander. Her mind kept returning to that night in the captain's cabin, Shepard being so open, the feeling of her body pressed against Shepard's, and that fleeting graze of a fingertip on Ashley's face.

Shepard and Liara walk side by side a few paces ahead, and Ashley kept close, eyes trained on the ground. Until Shepard peered back over her shoulder.

Ashley clutched the frosty cold beer in her hand, relishing its cool exterior and bringing the bottle to her lips, the beer made her insides writhe with delight. It had been nearly a year since she had one. And it was a craving she could not quell easily.

On the far side of the yard there was a lone cypress tree and her mothers gazebo, both of which sat mere yards from the waters edge. Hanging on the gazebos railing was an N7 jacket, a red t-shirt and a pair of jeans. A lone pair of sunglasses was perched precariously on the railing as well. And the otherwise tranquil water was swirling underneath.

Ashley braced herself for what she knew she was about to see, taking another sip of beer she was caught by surprise when the gaggle of her sisters approached her. All three watched the gazebo as Ashley did. They all swarmed around her, each armed with a drink in hand.

"Being a loser on your big day Ash?" Abby said with a knowing nudge of her elbow.

"Sure." Ashley said with a laugh. "But still not quite a loser on your level goober."

Lynn squinted her eyes focusing on the small pile of clothes. "Is someone actually...swimming right now? Seems like the whole colony is out drinking in your honor!" All three Williams sisters gasped collectively at what rose out from the water.

Jogging up through the sand toward the gazebo, Shepard emerged dressed only in a black sports bra and black bikini bottoms. Bruised and muscular body glistening wet and dripping, her hair hung like a long black veil along the sides of her hawkish face. Her dog tags clinked against her chest as she jogged further inland. A pang of want clicked inside Ashley's gut, seeing the Commander's body in such a state. Just a few weeks ago, her own hands and lips were exploring every inch of the body before her. Including a jagged scar on the Commander's taut abdomen.

And when the Gunnery Chief inquired as to how said scar was obtained, the Spectre offered a two word explanation: knife fight.

Ashley wore a dreamy expression and heaved a deep sigh. "I really should go get her a towel...but seeing her try to shake that water off is kinda hilarious. Like a goofy looking puppy dog."

A sexy puppy dog. My sexy puppy dog. Oh God Ash, that sounds so weird!

Bending forward, Shepard twisted her hair tightly to wring out the water, and flung it back in a long arc to whip out the rest. And Ashley had to stop herself from swooning in front of her sisters.

Lynn squinted, scrutinizing the Commander, before a confused recognition dawned on her face. "Holy..."

"Sis...is that?"

"Commander Joanna Shepard." Ashley nodded warmly. "In the flesh."

Sarah started to laugh. "In her skivvies!"

"Whoa, Shepard's so...small." Abby remarked, squinting to get a better look. "That woman's face was plastered on every single news vid, decked out in that crazy power-armor you guys are always wearing. Whoa, I can't believe we're looking at the Hero of the Citadel. And you...you fought alongside her Ash!"

Shepard hastily threw on her jeans and t-shirt and began to climb a nearby cypress tree. Still a little damp, the shirt clung to her like a second skin. She reached the top of the canopy quickly with what appeared to be little effort.

Sarah beamed at the sight. "For a badass military woman, she's damn good at climbing trees!"

"Why'd she come here?" Lynn asked. "Doesn't she have family?"

"Yeah. Why isn't she with them?" Sarah added.

Ashley gazed at the Commander fondly. Her heart swelling three sizes at the sight. Her mind was currently flooded with images of the Commander's broad smile. "She has a family. Some what...but Shepard's here...to support me."

"But then why didn't we see her at the Ceremony?" Abby probed.

"Shepard is...not very good with crowds."

"So are we just gonna stand around ogling her or will we get a chance to actually meet her?" Lynn urged with a grin.

"Hey Skipper!" Ashley called out. Shepard turned and smiled broadly at the nickname. "C'mere for a second. There's some people I want you to meet!"

Benezia had crumbled like a rock. Arrogant bitch. Ashley wanted to feel sorry for Ms Prothean Expert. Really she did. Living in your parent's constant shadow, only to continue living in that darkness even after they've died. And as much as she hated it, Ashley could relate.

But shit if I don't feel jealousy too.

While they rode away from Peak 15, Shepard held Liara. Held her while she cried big fat tears that seemed to soak even Shepard's power armor. Big bad Shepard who was so quick to spit it Ashley's face over her own family. The tram moved with the pacing of a quadriplegic Elcor.

Ashley also felt anger. Now that Shepard had gone soft and freed the Rachni too.

I just want to get back to the Normandy. Just want to sit and listen to Garrus and Wrex shoot the shit for hours on end. Damnit Ashley. Why let yourself get so caught up over your XO? What would Gunny Ellison say?

Shepard's hands started to make lazy circles between Liara's shoulder blades and Ashley's esophagus quivered, trying to keep down the vomit that threatened to surface. Shepard's eyes met hers and she quickly whipped her head away. Ashley didn't want to look at her. She couldn't.

Ashley barely got in any words other than 'Aye' during the whole mission to Noveria. Even when they were dealing with the bloodsuckers of Port Hanshan, Ashley knew her place. A grunt.

And she played the role well. Shooting where she was told. Covering their flank. Taking out the Rachni one by one.

But that didn't stop Ms Prothean Expert from throwing her two cents in at every possible moment. Shepard almost seemed to just shrug off the little outbursts as endearing, like how a mother would do with their child that butchered some word in an adorable way. Sickening.

And now sitting on this godforsaken tram on this godforsaken planet Ashley couldn't stand watching the two of them. How Liara tries to not so subtly flirt with the Commander. Ashley settled on working on her rifle, hoping that perhaps the menial task will make time go faster. That maybe once she looked up, the Normandy airlock would be waiting.

"Williams."

Shepard's standing right in front of her, arms crossed tightly. Ashley pretends not to hear her.

"Williams." She repeated with force.

Looking up from the rifle she'd been fiddling with and Ashley regarded her with as much enthusiasm as she could muster...very little.

"Ma'am."

"Cat got your tongue? You've been quiet as a church mouse through this whole mission."

"Not one for politics. You know that. I prefer to let my gun do the talking. Didn't want to cause any trouble by opening my mouth. A Williams doesn't do well on the business world Ma'am."

Shepard almost looked hurt by her formality.

I can't call her Joanna. Can't call her skipper. She can't see how I feel.

Ashley coughed awkwardly. "At least we got Benezia right? But it sucks we're not that much closer to finding Saren.". Shepard shrugged and turned to look at Liara again. The Asari had her face buried in her hands, weeping softly.

"Yeah...". She said absently smoothing out nonexistent wrinkles in her armor.

Ashley looked back down at her rifle. "Did you talk to her yet? Can't be easy losing your mom...you should go talk to her. I'm fine Ma'am."

Shepard heaved a sigh. "Why are you avoiding me soldier?"

Now hearing Shepard being so formal struck Ashley deep inside. "I'm not avoiding you Ma'am. Didn't know that being chummy with you was part of the job description."

Shepard slammed the wall of the tram with her open hand. Though Ashley was unfazed by the outburst and refused to look at the Commander. "Well I really hope you decide to pull that stick out from your ass soon Williams. You're the only capable human soldier I've got on this stupid mission, and I can't have any issues between us." Shepard hissed through firmly clenched jaws.

That was it, the anger inside turned into a full-fledged inferno. Ashley snapped. "DAMNIT JOANNA THERE IS NO US!"

Oh shit.

Shepard gaped at the Gunnery Chief as though she'd been slapped. Shepard scowled and her throat trembled beneath her skin like she was going to yell but instead with a vicious shaking of her head, she returned to Liara's side.

And once they had returned to the Normandy, moving on with their mission, Ashley was no longer picked for the shore party.

Left to work on the guns that would return to her covered in more gore than ever. Sequestered in the Mako bay, Ashley never left the belly of the ship. Since the sleeper pods were so close to the Captain's quarters, Ashley began to sleep in the Mako bay. Curled up inside a nook in the wall, with a spare tarp she found in portside cargo as a blanket.

Then came the dreaming.

Every minute was consumed with thoughts of the Commander. And most disturbingly, Ashley found she enjoyed all of it.

I just can't talk to her. The success of the mission is too vital to everything. Just gotta keep it strictly professional between us.

But there's Liara. Liara was always lurking right behind the corner. Ashley knew Shepard could sense her ubiquitous presence too. Earlier in the mess they finally had a moments peace, poking at food absently, awkwardly stealing glances at each other. Shepard's jaws twitch under her skin, stuck in thought. And Ashley desperately wanted to know what words were forming under her tongue.

"Shepard..." Liara makes her grand entrance, opting to sit directly across from Shepard. "I have thought more on the beacon's visions…"

And Ashley left. But she knew Shepard's eyes were on her back. Watching Ashley make her escape. And after that, she began to take her meals in the Mako bay.

Wrex was her one companion that was equally as brusque as she.. And oddly to her, she took to the Krogan mercenary, finding a kindred spirit in all that he had endured to end up upon the Normandy. The near monosyllabic conversations that passed between them were just fine in her opinion. His no nonsense opinions were weirdly refreshing.

And Shepard attempted a few more times to speak to Ashley, but she had nothing on Ashley's stalwart determination to rid herself of any connection to the Commander. But Wrex, ever observant, was quick to chastise the young Gunnery Chief for ignoring the hardened soldier.

"Williams."

"Wrex."

"You're not really improving my perception of humanity here. You're acting really pathetic."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Look at you, moping and fretting over someone you won't even let talk to you. Grow up."

The next person to tell me to 'Grow up.' I swear…

"Fuck off Wrex. Leave me alone."

"Sure. You seem hell bent on being alone."

"Going stir crazy here. On a ship, with a Commander who has a knack for surrounding herself with nutcases."

"Can't argue with that one. She picked you."

"Ugh! Get off my sack Wrex!" Ashley stormed toward the elevator, riding the hellishly slow contraption to the upper deck. Her stomach was growling painfully within, and she was so annoyed, it only made her hunger more voracious. And upon reaching the mess, she saw Shepard stride across it, tossing a beer can into a nearby trash bin.

Luckily for the Gunnery Chief she went unnoticed, as the Commander disappeared among the sleeper pods. Ashley pocketed a protein bar and a bottle of water before the elevator pinged, with a chorus of footsteps soon after.

Kaiden AND Liara? What the hell?

With nimble feet, Ashley rushed toward the med bay, remaining in the doorway, peering down the sleeper hallway.

"Miss Williams." Dr. Chakwas called from her desk. "Is everything alright? Are you sick? Hurt?"

The younger woman didn't turn around, still looking out from her hiding spot. "Oh hey Doc. Just uh, trying to seek shelter from the storm."

"Storm? What ever are you talking about Ashley?" Dr. Chakwas asked.

With a furtive glance Ashley quickly pointed at the duo silently following behind the Commander, who was leisurely making her way to the comm room. Alenko and Liara each walked with their arms tightly knotted, and with equally disgruntled faces. It almost appeared as though they were racing each other.

A toothy grin spread on the Doctor's wizened face. "Ahh I see. The love triangle has finally come full circle eh?"

"It's so ridiculous. God, we'll be landing at Virmire soon, and these two are too busy squabbling over someone that probably has no idea what's going on." Ashley turned and entered the med bay, sitting on top of one of the nearby examination tables. Tearing into the protein bar, she devoured it in three enormous bites.

"Yes, the Commander never mentioned anything about either of them to me. But I have heard things in passing. Liara stays just behind those doors and has asked the Commander to visit her a few times. Surely Alenko has also spent time with the Commander in the mess. Though Shepard is known for keeping to herself. Seems to me that things have reached an impasse."

Ashley said nothing, resisting the overwhelming urge to sprint to the comm room where she knew that Shepard was cornered.

"Ashley?" The Doctor gently probed.

"Alenko and Liara, they're both just so…awkward. I should go in there and help her."

Dr. Chakwas raised an eyebrow. "What for? At times Shepard may appear socially inept, but I'm quite sure the Commander is capable of dealing with her own affairs." Dr. Chakwas paused for a moment, with a sudden realization blossoming on her face. Accompanying that was a sly smile.

Ashley gaped at the older woman. "What!"

"Unless of course…you want to make that triangle a square." Remarked the Doctor.

Ashley blanched. "Excuse me!"

"It's plain on your face dear. Your breathing is labored, your pupils are dilated. You're even sweating. Ashley, tell her how you feel."

"No. This can't be happening." She exhaled sharply. There was a demon in the medbay with her and Dr. Chakwas. One she never, ever expected to have to face down.

"Ashley dear, calm down for a moment. What they're doing, being confrontational, you're right, it is wrong. But so is bottling up how you feel inside. So many what-ifs will only hurt you more in the long run. This will pass you by, and you'll be stuck never knowing what could have been."

"But Doc...I...she's a woman." The words were quiet. And deliberate. "And I'm a woman."

"Yes I can see that. You know Ashley, I did go to medical school. And I passed A&P with flying colors. So why is the Commander's gender a problem?"

"It's...not normal." The idea just wouldn't leave her mind.

"Alright, well then, Ashley are you gay?"

Gay. A three-letter word that hit like a punch to the gut.

"Oh God Doc. I don't know." Hands at once rose to her temples, rubbing feverishly for a minute. The Doctor walked toward the young Gunnery Chief and pulled her into a hug. Ashley shivered and returned the gesture, relishing a motherly embrace; something she hadn't felt in a very long time. "I guess I don't want to be pigeonholed into a label or role I don't understand. I guess I can see past Shepard's gender. I..I think she's beautiful. But I ruined things Doc. It all scares the shit out of me."

Dr. Chakwas leaned back, holding the Gunnery Chief at arms length with a broad "Well, there's no time like the present. What are you waiting for?"

"Regs! It's against regs Doc!"

"That doesn't seem to phase Lieutenant Alenko." Each syllable of Alenko's rank was annunciated with emphasis. "Besides, if I recall correctly, Joanna Shepard is a spectre. And Spectre's operate above the rules…Don't they?"

The front door had held back a barrage of love. Bursting from out of the house, her sisters hugged the air right out of her lungs, nearly knocking her to the floor. Abby. Lynn. Sarah. All three had been standing directly behind the door to her childhood home, anxiously plotting a familial ambush.

Happy tears flowed freely from Ashley's eyes, the feeling of being home so utterly overwhelming. The tears of her sisters, soaked parts of her hair and uniform. The Star of Terra, tucked carefully inside an ornate leather box nearly slipped out of her hand. But if it did, she couldn't care. The love of her family was the superior reward for returning from a mission accomplished.

"Oh sweetpea…you're finally home…with the Star of Terra." From the far end of the hallway Mrs. Williams clutched a handkerchief in trembling hands. The three younger girls backed away from their older sister as their mother approached.

Her mother's hands came to rest on each of Ashley's bruised cheeks and she carefully rotated the Marine's face in each direction. Each bruise, each laceration another sentence in the story of the battle of the Citadel.

The Williams family stood in revered silence for several minutes. Mrs. Williams held her eldest daughter at arms length, studying every feature of the Gunnery Chief's smiling face.

"Ashley Madeline…you're back. And in one piece."

"Yes mom…I promised…I…I'd be back." She said amid tears. "Came close. But you know it takes a lot to stop a Williams."

Like back on Virmire.

Captain Kirrahe's men were nothing compared to the 212 Ashley had decided. Despite all that had happened on their previous missions, despite everything, Ashley volunteered to join the STG troops. The decision surprised the Commander, who seemed a little despondent to not have Ashley on the shadow team currently infiltrating Saren's base.

Geth shock troopers were bearing down upon them, and Ashley had her back pressed flat against a fragile crate. Each successive shot slowly chipped away at her feeble reprieve from the violence. One of her shield generators had been struck by a stray shot, and she was only operating at half power. Strafing from cover to cover wasn't Ashley's ideal method of battle but she made due with what was dealt to her.

The Salarian Strike team hit hard at the Geth forces, Captain Kirrahe's plan was working perfectly so far. More and more of the synthetic soldiers poured from the base to engage them head on. Shadow team had plenty of room to work. She tried not to think of Shepard. She knew the hardened soldier would simply brush this battle off. That's for sure. Geth? Saren? Krogen Zombies? Child's play. Shepard would emerge, guns blazing. Soon they'd have Saren's forehead in cross hairs, and cratered a moment later. Then they'd be back on the Normandy, mission accomplished, and Joker doling out the victory shots.

"Joker! We need the Normandy inbound now. Drop off the payload in the center of the facility. ASAP!" Shepard's gruff voice crackled over the comm.

"No can do Commander. Can't get within two clicks with those AA guns sniping at us! It's got enough firepower to blow a hole through the hull. I'm a great pilot, but you know I can't exactly fly a ship with a hole in it Commander."

BOOM! One of the massive guns fired behind them. Her skull felt like it was rattling inside her helmet.

"Strike team! PLEASE tell me that you can shut those damned guns down!"

"Negative Commander." Captain Kirrahe barked. "We're thinned out enough as it is. Can try to draw Geth forces away from you if you can make it to the control panel."

"Williams! What's your status?"

Ashley peaked over the edge of the crate, bullets whizzed past her visor within seconds. Tactical analysis was it? The situation wasn't good at all. The AA tower stood high up behind them, with an army of synthetics standing between them.

"Captain Kirrahe is right. We're in deep. Wouldn't make it any closer to the tower if we tried. Munitions are low. Lots of casualties. But we'll play decoy for you Commander."

"Roger that. Shadow team is moving to the tower defense grid now. Stay on your heels Williams."

"Aye-aye!"

The Commander moved like a shadow. Even with the lumbering Wrex, she slid into the towers like ooze and the guns fell silent within minutes. The Commander's ruthless efficiency knew no boundaries.

"All right! That's one less thing to worry about!" Came Joker's jovial voice. "Bringing us in!"

Above them, the Normandy swooped down overhead toward the center of the complex, and lowered to deliver its payload.

"Commander, the bomb is in place." Kaiden said.

"Commander!" Ashley yelled. "Commander, can you read me!"

"Williams! I've got a nuke ready to blow this place to hell, why aren't you at the rendezvous point!" The Commander's gruff voice belied a tone of concern. It didn't go unnoticed by Ashley, who was busy trying to swallow down a torrent of emotion.

Damnit soldier. Not the time to be a girl about this.

"N-n-negative Commander."

Pinned down at the base of the AA tower, Ashley knew her time was up. A soldier's death was in the cards, she wasn't sure if she was ready to face it head on. Gun gripped tightly in hand, she emerged from cover to hold back the hordes of Geth that never seemed to cease coming.

Then Shepard's voice crackled over the comm.

"Williams, I repeat, move toward the rendezvous point. I don't care. Get your ass over here. Normandy is inbound. Repeat Normandy inbound for pick up. Alenko, have you got the bomb rigged?"

"Almost."

Ashley's lips quivered. The situation was growing bleaker by the second. She was out of thermal clips, shields completely blown, and the Geth kept coming. Cowering behind a stack of crates, a fresh pile of Samarian corpses surrounded her, she pushed her comm. Link on. "Negative Commander. It's too intense over here. Too many casualties. Completely surrounded. We'd never make it in time. Stay with the Lieutenant." She swallowed hard, tears beginning to rain from her eyes, mixing with the sweat and blood that smeared her face. "It's…it's b-b-been an honor…C-c-commander."

Ashley wasn't ready to die.

"You still have time! I'll need a few minutes to arm the bomb. Get the Chief and meet me back here."

"Hang tight. We're coming to get you."

It might've been OK. Things may have, for once, worked in her favor. They were going to get through this.

But the Geth thought otherwise.

A dark shadow blanketed the area as an inbound drop-ship threw the proverbial wrench in the plans.

"LT!" Ashley screamed, jumping up from cover. "Geth drop-ship, sitting right over you! Damnit Commander, they're sitting ducks over there!"

Kaiden responded immediately. "Yes! I see them, they're already pouring out! Commander, get Williams and get out of here! I'm making sure this bomb goes off no matter what!"

"The hell you are! Williams, I mean it, move your fucking ass and get to the rendezvous point!"

There was deafening silence over the comm. The rifle in her hand had only ten rounds left.

"Belay that. Shepard…I…I can't. They've got us cornered. Get the LT."

"Bomb is armed." Kaiden interrupted.

Shit. Shit. Shit!

"Williams…" Shepard's voice began slowly. "Radio Joker. Tell him to meet us at the AA tower…" The rifle nearly fell out of Ashley's shaking hands.

"I…yes ma'am."

The urge to punch something had never been so virulent inside Ashley Williams. Her eyes burned under her eyelids, the hot angry tears never stopping for a moment. None of it made sense to her. None.

"'You exist because we allow it…and you will end because we demand it.', the damn thing talked to Shepard. There's an army of these things Williams. An army." Wrex had relayed to her. Wrex, whom Shepard had nearly gunned down on the beach, looked shaken if it were at all possible for a Krogan to appear so. He strode away from her into the shadows, seeking the solitude as the weight of their mission just became that much heavier.

Now Alenko was gone. They were mutineers. And Shepard chose her. There was a Reaper. A goddamned Reaper, hell bent on calling its demonic brethren back to the Galaxy. And Shepard chose her to help stop it.

Her. A grunt. She had no biotic powers. No technical savvy. Nor was she a scientist. Just an extra gun.

The elevator opened with a deafening whoosh, revealing an enraged Shepard. Ashley turned her back and hunched over her workbench, hiding her tear-stained face.

"Williams!" Shepard barked from across the room. "So I save your fucking life and you have a problem with my decision! You know you're not to question my orders." When Ashley didn't respond, Shepard strode across the Mako bay, coming to a halt two feet from where Ashley was pacing. Violently the Commander grasped the Marine's shoulder, whipping her around to face the stone faced Shepard. And Ashley couldn't stifle the gasp as she nearly felt her shoulder dislocate under the Commander's grip. Shepard's face was wild-eyed, rabid, and seething. "Soldiers die Williams. You know that. It's part of the fucking job. A job you willingly took."

"Kaiden wasn't just some soldier. He was superior officer Shepard. My God! You sacrificed a superior officer. The LT was above me. More experienced than me, more of the crew liked him and you left him to die! It should've been me!" Ashley screamed.

Shepard thrust herself into Ashley's personal space, volume now several decibels above her. A few pistols tumbled to the floor as Ashley's back pressed into her workbench. "ASHLEY! HOW MANY TIMES CAN I FUCKING SAY IT! It was my decision to make and I'm giving you another chance Williams. Alenko knew what the consequences were. He died a hero saving our lives. He gets it. Honor that choice Williams! So mind your words."

As the Commander finally backed away, Ashley let herself rest against her workbench, head hung forward, clasped tightly in her hands. "Shit, Commander." Voice quiet. "I don't know how much longer I can do this."

"Damnit Ash, what's changed with you? At first you're all chummy, quick with scuttlebutt and the like. Next thing I know, you're completely mute. And I know you've been sleeping down here like a vagrant. Do you need Joker to make a pit stop to get you a shrink or something?"

"Sorry about getting upset. I won't question your decisions anymore Ma'am. Don't worry about it." Ashley said, sitting up on her workbench.

The Commander slammed her hands down on the bench to Ashley's side. "But I do! What the hell have I done to you!"

And for a tense minute Ashley didn't speak, until a bubble of emotion finally burst inside her. With a vicious arc of her fist, Ashley punched the Commander square in the jaw. The meat-slap sound of her knuckles colliding with the Commander's face seemed to endlessly echo through the Mako bay.

Baffled, Shepard brought a hand to her now bleeding nose; the woman's face now a mask of total perplexity. "Ash…what the-"

"You fuck me up!" Ashley screamed, filled with a unexpected vehemence. She gave the Commander a strong shove, knocking the older woman back a few steps. "Why can you blindly trust the aliens and kick me down? I got so much shit for surviving Eden Prime, but Liara gets none of it even though she's related to the damn enemy! Everyone is so quick to think I'm some massive xenophobe bigot but they all seem to ignore your systematic execution of 30 Batarians! Then you tried to lure me into your fucking bed. Damnit Shepard. Finally I think I've got you figured out. But no, you have to go all fucking noble, saving the goddamned Rachni and then sacrificing a superior officer for me! Me. I'm expendable! Nothing you say or do makes any sense to me!"

And Shepard immediately retaliated, her face mere inches from Ashley's. Bloodstained teeth were bared. "So what're you going to do about it? Hit me again? Leave? Running away solves nothing, and being a child about things isn't gonna stop the damn Reapers from coming. We're about to go through that fucking Mu Relay with God only knows waiting for us on Ilos…and you want to be an idiot."

At that instant, and with ill timing, Navigator Pressley had entered, feverishly typing on a data pad. "Commander got some trajectories that need approval-"

"NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT!" Ashley shouted, startling Pressley.

The Navigator's eyes flitted back and forth between the bloodied face of the Commander, and the wild looking Gunnery Chief. "OK…I can see that you're busy…" He quickly retreated to the elevator.

It was now Ashley's turn to feel bewilderment as the Commander didn't hit her back.

Shepard turned her back and walked forward a few paces, crossing her arms. Her hands rubbed her arms for warmth before she spoke again in a softer tone, not turning around to face Ashley. "Shit…Williams…Ash…Why can't you see that I believe in you? I push you because I know you can take it…you're strong enough to. I…I need that…"

But despite the unexpected weakness of the Commander's words, Ashley found her heart overtaking her mind.

"Commander, it's not meant to be like this! It's…just wrong on so many levels. You're right; I don't need my head to be so messed up heading into such a fucked up mission. But you want me to help you save the Galaxy? I could barely save myself back on Virmire, you had to come get me. And now Kirrahe and Kaiden are dead!"

Suddenly Shepard was angry again. "What the hell are you talking about!"

"Just…go away Commander." Ashley said, turning her back. "Get out of here. Leave me alone."

"No!" Said the Commander with vitriol. "If you're having some sort of personal issues with me Marine then for fuck's sake you've got to deal with your bullshit before it hits the fan! Damnit Ashley you're the best soldier I've got on this whole damn ship, the only person I can even remotely relate to…and I can't have you acting like a head case this late in the game. But I can't help you unless you tell me what the hell is going on!"

Suddenly Ashley threw her arms around the Commander's shoulders, their lips colliding. Ashley pressed tightly against the Commander's slender body, clinging with the desperation of someone hanging off the edge of a cliff. For a few moments, the Commander seemed paralyzed, but Ashley let herself relax as two gentle hands came to rest upon her hips.

They pulled apart.

"You. You're my problem." With that, Ashley stormed off to the depths of the engineering deck with tears in her eyes. She came to a halt in front of the glowing drive core, leaning forward on the railing. Burying her face in the palms of her hands, Ashley wept. Never had the young Gunnery Chief felt so foolish. All those years of earning the respect of her superiors, learning the ins and outs of countless regulations, clinging to the slim hope of dragging the Williams name out of the muck. And now a childish crush threatened to topple all of that.

She knew that as soon as the Normandy docked somewhere, she'd get left behind.

But to her surprise a pair of strong arms snaked around Ashley's waist.

"You were right." Shepard. Her muscles instantly relaxed in the Commander's gentle embrace and pressing into her back, Shepard placed a tender kiss on the supple skin of her neck. A soft voice breathed into Ashley's ears. "Ash…I'm…sorry."

Ashley remained silent, and after a few minutes Shepard released her hold and started to leave. A implicit understanding.

"Commander wait...I'm sorry too." Ashley spun around to see the Commander leaning against the doorframe, head bent downward. "I...want...I want this...I want to try." A small smile crept on her lips as she took a few steps closer to the other woman. "Please…come back to me."

As Shepard's head lifted to meet Ashley's gaze, she could hardly stifle a gasp at the Commander's newly lachrymose eyes. They glistened in the dim light of the Engineering deck, reflecting a helplessness Ashley wasn't used to seeing. In the short distance from the railing to the door, Shepard cried.

Shepard halted her from coming closer. "One thing Chief… there's something I want you to know about Torfan. Something you need to understand about me….and why Kaiden's sacrifice is so important."

Ashley nodded.

Shepard began to approach her slowly. "Did you ever wonder why it was me, and not some other soldier who was chosen to lead the assault into the base?"

Ashley shook her head.

Shepard sucked in a deep breath of air through her teeth. "I was part of a platoon that was jokingly known to the Brass as The Misfits. We all had the lowest entrance exam scores. Some of us were terminus colony kids. High school dropouts, ex-drug addicts, even a few ex-cons. Basically…my platoon was a group of men and women that society had given up on.

"We had no families, no relatives, and often, no homes to return to either. I didn't. You said you were expendable? You don't know the meaning of the word expendable. We were expendable. And the Brass deliberately sent us into a fucking pressure cooker situation, not expecting any of us to survive. Remember Father Kyle? That asshole looked me dead in the eye and told me, rescuing the poor captives in the base was a SECONDARY objective.

"Just like what went down on Virmire, we were given a bomb to plant, and it was definitely going to go off with all of us still in the base. So I planted it in the lead slavers gut and got the hell out of there. Cutting down anyone that got in our way. The Alliance didn't count on us succeeding." Shepard stepped forward cupping a hand on each of Ashley's shoulders.

"Ashley. You are not expendable. Kaiden was not expendable. No one on this ship is expendable. Though some may think otherwise, I don't work that way. And neither should you think that way. You've more than earned my respect Ash. I admire you. Always saw you to be special. You're a survivor...like me."

Ashley could only nod, allowing herself to be drawn into the Commander's waiting arms. Her cheek came to rest on the top of Shepard's chest, and she could feel that the organ beneath was pounding a mile a minute. Ashley eased her eyes closed, focusing the rhythm suddenly slowing with her proximity.

"I want you groundside with me on Ilos Ash." Shepard kissed the top of her hair. "There's good chance this is a one-way trip but regardless of what could happen…between us…" Another kiss. "…it doesn't affect the mission…" And with a gentle lift of Ashley's chin, Shepard's fuller lips pressed against Ashley's one more time.

Pressing their foreheads together, Ashley let out a relieved breath. "Wouldn't have it any other way Skipper…" And their lips met with an unspoken promise.

"Join me in my cabin later?"

"Definitely. But uh…no hard feelings right? About you know…" Ashley pantomimed her fist hitting Shepard's nose.

"No…but shit Chief, you do have a damn strong right hook."

Two hours later, Ashley stood at the door to the Captain's cabin. Heart jackhammering inside her rib cage. Quaking fingers pressed the console allowing her entrance to the dimly lit room. The Commander sat at her desk, her face illuminated by the eerie orange glow of her console.

Ashley cleared her throat, hoping that her own sweating couldn't be seen reflected in the console's light. "Skipper…" She said softly.

The Commander turned around slowly, her hair hanging loosely around her face, draped down her shoulders. And a pang of sadness gripped the young Gunnery Chief, for Shepard looked so…tired.

"Don't you think we're past titles?"

"You'll always be the Skipper to me. O captain, my captain." Whitman's words seemed the fitting choice, and she watched the Commander's lips curl into a sad smile. Her hand reached out to cup Shepard's angular face, and the older woman pressed into the warm palm.

"I love that poetry crap." Shepard snorted. "So damn cute."

"Well, I never said I was a word person Shepard. You know that." Ashley whispered, taking another step closer. Her breasts were pressed up against Shepard's. Heat passed between them before Ashley spoke again. "Other people say what I mean better than I do."

"Suppose that I've got the same problem." Shepard's voice approached the same hushed whisper as Ashley. "Now that we're mutineers, with both the Council and the Alliance calling us rogues. And I've got to explain to everyone on board that…well…I really don't know what the hell is about to happen to us. For all I know, I'm leading us to our deaths."

Ashley's thumb grazed the scar that ran across the Commander's lip, surprised to feel the softness of the leathery skin. "Death closes all; but something ere the end, some work of noble note. Not unbecoming men that strove with gods." Cupping both sides of the Commander's face, Ashley became serious. "I believe in you Joanna. You'll get us home. O captain, my captain."

"Ash, believe in us."

At this Ashley chuckled, pulling away from the Commander. "God, we're both so corny." She looked up to see that Shepard was giving a goofy shrug in return. A shrug that said what-else-can-I-say. "But now, in all seriousness, there's something you need to know." Sucking in a deep breath of air, Ashley took one of the Commander's hands into both of her own, squeezing gently. "Everything we've been through, everything I've been through, has just been so testing. And I've always tried so hard to show everyone else that I'm good enough. That I'm worth something. And no matter what anyone has said to me in response, I was always left feeling that there was something that I could've done better. That they weren't being entirely honest with me. Mostly they're assuaging me; to shut me up, get me back to it." Silence passed between them as tears welled in the younger woman's eyes. "But then there's you. You've pushed me in ways I never have been. At first it made me upset, uncomfortable even. But then when you tell me you believe in me, for the first time, I believe in me too. Shepard." She took a step closer. "Joanna. You make me feel good enough."

Shepard wrapped her arms around Ashley's waist, bringing her supple lips close to Ashley's ear. And with a quiet voice sang, "The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you."

"Kiss me."

And within seconds Ashley's lips were upon Shepard's; a canopy of stars the backdrop for a night of passion that Ashley would never forget. Clothes were rapidly shed, mouths quick to devour the other, and hands ready to run marathons across the expanse of curves and valleys both woman had been yearning to explore. Their bodies moved as one, and when the Commander moved within her, it gave Ashley a feeling of fullness unlike anything she'd experienced before.

She wouldn't go as far to call it love. Not yet. But once she was groundside on Ilos, gun clasped tightly in her hand, she looked to Shepard with a new understanding. And a new hope that their best adventure was just beginning.

And that night, now their night, culminated with Ashley providing the one thing that Commander Shepard had been searching: something worth fighting for.

Nightfall was peaceful on Amaterasu. A neutral climate allowed for many to still be up and about outside, and Ashley and Joanna were among that group. The celebratory barbeque was still in full swing, but Ashley had started to lead the Commander away. Weaving through the dense trees, fingers tightly entwined, the three pale moons of Amaterasu being their only sources of light.

Ashley had a warm feeling in her gut. Her belly was filled with good food and some frosty cold beer, and now she sought to sate her desire for finally having some alone time with the Commander. Her head rested gently on Shepard's right shoulder as they came to a clearing with a small private beach. Waves gently lapped at the sand, pushing up small shells and rocks from the ocean depths.

Shepard sat first, cross-legged on the soft sand and Ashley lowered herself into the waiting lap, pulling the Spectre's arms seatbelt style across her body.

"So is this the part where you're finally going to ask me out on a date?" Ashley cooed, causing to Shepard grin.

Teeth nipped at her ear lobes. "How about you join me for a swim Chief? Water feels fantastic."

"Mmm...a swim sounds fantastic…but I expect you to behave Commander Grabby Hands." Her tone was teasing, as she playfully kissed Shepard's smirking lips.

"Can't help it." Anxious fingers start to undo the buttons on Ashley's jacket bit by bit. "You're just too adorable in that outfit. It's hard to take you seriously while you're wearing it. Figured that a swim would be an easy excuse to get you out of it."

"Keep thinking like that Skipper and you'll have a hard time keeping me out of your bed tonight."

The buttons of her jacket suddenly remained buttoned, as the Commander stopped to gape at the Gunnery Chief in her lap. "My bed? What happened to our bed?"

Ashley sighed wistfully. She was so careful to avoid this topic. "Mom set up the guest room for you...she doesn't know about us. Neither do my sisters for that matter. I'm not ready to take that step just yet Skipper."

"Wait a minute, I'm confused. Didn't you tell me that you wanted me to meet her not even a few hours ago!" Shepard's voice was starting to climb in volume.

Ashley was quick to calm the woman with a kiss. "Yes. As Commander Shepard, the hero of humanity." Ashley struggled to swallow a nagging lump in her throat. "Not as Joanna Shepard my...um...you know...significant other. I just…I just don't know how to break it to them. That their oldest sis is well…" She couldn't bring herself to say it. And the Commander understood.

"All right Chief. But know I'm not one for keeping secrets..."

"I'm sorry Jo! I know it sounds bad, but I had a pretty religious upbringing!"

"Religious doesn't always mean bigoted Ash."

They remained in silence, watching the waves caress the crystalline sand around them. And a shrill beeping from Shepard, broke that reverie. An email message. Pulling her arm out from around Ashley's waist, Shepard took a few minutes to read the intruding message before heaving a sigh.

"Jo, who's it from?" Ashley said unexpectedly filled with concern. "Jo, talk to me."

"From the brass. Hackett specifically. Seems as though my job isn't finished. My services are needed elsewhere. Clearing out the last pockets of Geth out of the Omega Nebula. Though the fucking council still doesn't want to accept that the Reapers are coming, I guess this as close of a bone as they're gonna throw me. Hackett wants me, Joker and Pressley to take the Normandy."

"What about me?" Ashley probed. "Am I on the order?"

"Hmm. No. They're letting me take our regular gang with us…however..." Shepard leaned closer, her breath hot in Ashley's ear, "I'd never turn down the help."

"But you're not gonna make me sleep in the pods are you Skipper?"

"And have my bed be cold each night? Wouldn't dream of it Chief. So what do you say? We'll have our first official date courtesy of the Geth. Start off the evening with taking out some Geth destroyers, followed by a light meal...maybe I don't know, a chicken parm MRE? Damn I love those. Then perhaps we'll tango with a colossus or two. If the night is really going well, maybe we could even go for a spin in the Mako, mow down some rocket troopers."

"Promise you'll kiss me good night at the pods?"

"Only if you play your cards right Chief." Shepard smiled. "But you better understand soldier, no sex on the first date. Totally against regs."

"Really, spectre?"

A/N: Hey guys need a little input. Long story short, if you're reading this/enjoying this, odds are you're like me and are bummed that Bioware didn't include a femshepley romance in ME3. That said, I'm sure there's scenes, or little nuances you'd love to have seen happen between our two heroines in the games. Drop me a PM and let me know of a few. If any of it ends up in a future chapter, I will absolutely credit you for the idea. PLEASE just PM me. Reviews are exactly what they are. Don't use it for this. Thanks a bunch and hope you enjoyed.

A/N 2: Lyrics to "Dear Prudence" Property of The Beatles. "Ulysses" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson.