Well, is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving
You better shut your mouth
Hold your breath
Kiss me now
You'll catch your death
Oh, I mean it
Oh, I need this

"My Skin" by Natalie Merchant

Quistis had never felt so relieved to see the little abandoned town, nested along a few low hills, now bare, up ahead. By now the SeeDs occupying Winhill would have seen them coming; no doubt Seifer and Quistis were in the sights of their snipers. Once they drew closer, though, she knew that the SeeDs would stand down and they would let her through.

She still didn't really know what to say to them about Seifer. He wasn't a SeeD. Technically, he was a traitor. Either way, it didn't really matter at this point.

The journey with Seifer was, for the most part, incredibly complicated. He barely uttered a syllable to her, and would only give her one-word answers if she asked him a question. After three weeks, she was at a complete loss. It didn't appear as if he was going to leave, especially after going through so much trouble to trek through the Galbadian countryside, but he wasn't making the situation any easier with his silence. She didn't know if he was angry at her, or simply lost in thought all the time, or wanted to be left alone, or was even going through some sort of post-traumatic stress disorder, or what. She'd realized that she didn't know this Seifer Almasy at all. The Seifer Almasy she knew was an obnoxious bully; a pretentious jock who always had a smart-ass comment about everything. Now, she was with a completely different person, changed by the war.

Had she changed?

She realized that she must have, because she possessed an unending abundance of patience with him. She was quiet with him; she wouldn't dare boss him. The old Quistis always knew what to do and say. The old Quistis would always give out instructions or orders. The old Quistis would bottle her emotions. And ever since the Second War, she put up a wall that seemed to have frozen solid over time, especially after she assumed the role of Commander.

Okay. So maybe she hadn't changed all that much.

But she had changed enough to know that nothing would ever be the same without Seifer. She had to make things right.

She was frustrated that he wasn't speaking to her, but she was still grateful that he was finally with her. Over eight years ago, she would only last so long with him in her classroom before snapping back with her own know-it-all, haughty response and giving him another detention. She shook her head when she thought about her days as an instructor. So naïve. She thought she'd known everything. She thought she could actually teach them something about war. As if Seifer's attitude in class was the worst of her problems back then.

I've been such a fool.

She'd give anything to have those days back. She'd give anything just to hear a few words from him, even if they were meant to cut her down.

Seifer's silence gave her plenty of time to think about everything that had happened, and it wasn't hard to conjure up the painful past of him pointing his weapon at them, threatening to kill them all to appease the sorceress, to hunt down the SeeDs like dogs and wipe them all out…

She blamed herself. If she'd only tried with him…but she gave her attention to the wrong person…

Quistis wanted to scream. All this silence lead to thinking…and all the thinking led to…more thinking, and…

She couldn't stop thinking about the night there was a Chimera on the other side of the rocks, yards from where they were sleeping.

They could have dispatched a Chimera easily. They normally didn't travel in packs, and if there was more than one, it'd be in pairs…

Maybe he didn't want to risk making noise? There were things that travelled by night, and it wasn't wise to attract attention.

She closed her eyes and sighed. His breath on her neck…his body on top of hers…his face inches away…

She swallowed and stared ahead at Winhill. Childish. Those feelings were immature and stupid.

That incident created an unbearable tension that had just built over days, however. Whenever they washed, or changed clothes, or fought, or did anything, Quistis was acutely aware of every little move he made, or didn't make. She would catch herself glancing over at him when he took his shirt off after a hot, dusty day, or how he'd spit on the ground after killing a monster and haul his gunblade over his shoulder, muscles flexing, eyes narrowed, focused, unforgiving.

She stole a glance at him while they were walking. A scowl was etched on his face as he stared ahead at the town. She looked forward again to see three SeeDs walking towards them, guns held ready but not quite pointing directly at them.

"Just stay with me," she told Seifer softly. "They won't question you. They won't provoke you. As long as they see you with me, they'll let you through."

Seifer didn't even bother to look at her. "Whatever you say, instructor."

She let out a defeated sigh and remained silent.

She had her chance; there were so many opportunities to talk to him, to try to get close to him, to do something, even if it was apologizing to him over and over and getting him to laugh at her and call her weak and stupid and pathetic, but she couldn't muster the courage to risk setting off his temper. Now they'd arrived at Winhill, which was occupied by at least a hundred SeeDs under her command. The minute they set foot in the town she'd have to assume her role as Commander immediately, her duty and obligations would take priority, and she'd have no more chances to speak to him in private.

They were near the front gates that led to the main road. Two SeeDs had already flanked the road, weapons ready, but Quistis recognized the third SeeD, her second-in-command she'd left in charge of the town, who strode up toward her and saluted. She returned a quick salute back and kept walking towards the inn, at the center of the town square, where their temporary headquarters were located. The SeeDs fell in line with them without a word and Quistis stole a quick glance behind her to make sure that Seifer was still there. He was.

"Commander," her second-in-command nodded. "You're safe. For a while you had us thinking the worst."

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't risk contacting any of you. You knew what I had to do."

The SeeD stole a glance at Seifer, who returned a menacing glare. "Yes, ma'am."

"Any news since I've been gone?"

"No, ma'am. It's been quiet on our front, for the most part. No word from Base."

"No news is good news, I suppose. I don't want to be far from Timber for much longer, though. We need to head back east as soon as possible. There's not much we can do from Winhill at this point, anyway."

"Understood."

"How are you doing on supplies?"

"Running low on a few provisions, but nothing critical. Several cadets need to be relieved soon. They've been pulling 48-hour shifts. We're running a bit thin here. This place is starting to make my troops crawl."

Quistis looked around and sighed. "I know."

Winhill used to be a beautiful, charming little town. Upon their arrival, the SeeDs had found it abandoned and most of the buildings ransacked, but everything still stood. It was like a ghost town. There were no signs of the townsfolk…anywhere.

…until a scout found nothing but a pile of bones and torn, old and brown-bloodied clothes in a field full of dying wildflowers, on the outskirts of town. The sorceress had rounded them all up for what looked like a meal for her monsters.

Quistis had managed to keep her stony glare steady for three hours, keeping watch as her SeeDs dug a mass grave to bury the bones. She didn't retch until she was alone, in her room, at the abandoned inn.

She glanced at the second-in-command. "Are they fit to travel?"

"They should be."

"How soon can you rally them for departure?"

"Within the next hour, if you want. More than enough of us have had plenty of rest."

"Good. Eighteen hours, then. Prepare them accordingly. We leave tomorrow morning before sunup. Have them ready in the courtyard."

"Yes, ma'am."

They all entered the town and walked towards the inn, which the SeeDs had taken over for housing. SeeDs were posted along the street, watching the entrance to the buildings and patrolling the town. Several SeeDs remained unseen, posing as scouts and snipers. She relayed orders and dismissed their escorts, who parted from the group and went their separate ways to alert the other SeeDs of the plan. Quistis rubbed the back of her neck and continued towards the inn. Her headquarters was located in the town hall across the cobblestone courtyard, but she would speak to her subordinates first thing in the morning. All she wanted to do was to get inside her room, flop over on the bed, and attempt to sleep, which she knew wasn't going to happen. Seifer stalked behind her, taking in the scene around him but never saying a word.

As soon as Quistis reached the entrance to the inn, two SeeDs on guard saluted and stepped forward to begin searching Seifer for weapons. She held up her hand. "There's no need to do that. He's staying with me."

The SeeDs looked apprehensive. "All the more reason to check him, Commander - "

"I trust him with my life," she replied flatly, "so you should do the same. He keeps his weapons, and he is granted access to all advanced-level junctions immediately."

Seifer blinked at Quistis in surprise, then recovered quickly and scowled at the cadet. "I'm gonna need Triple, Flare, Ultima, Firaga, and all the white magics. Now."

"We…we only have Firaga, Flare, and a few white magics on hand, sir."

Seifer narrowed his eyes, then glanced at Quistis.

"We're running low," she explained quietly. "It took a lot of resources to come this far, and it's too dangerous to find a draw point. They're being watched. We have to go back to base first thing in the morning to regroup and restock."

This information seemed to make Seifer even angrier. He cast the cadet a dark glare. "Just give me what you have."

The SeeDs immediately complied, and once Seifer was loaded with as much magic they could give him, Quistis walked through the main lobby, trudged up the stairs and led him down the hall. At the end of the hall was a window, which was also being guarded by a SeeD. After passing a few rooms, she opened the door to her right and led Seifer inside.

The room used to be a charming little suite, with a four-poster bed and double doors that opened up to a balcony, but all the curtains had been removed and the sheets and pillows were gone. Seifer glanced over to the adjoining bathroom. There was no shower curtain.

"You'll be staying in here," she motioned. "There aren't any blankets, but it's been so mild out that you probably won't need any. We still have running water but it's not heated. There's no soap, so I'm afraid you'll have to wait to have a real shower until we get to Timber."

Seifer looked around and set his jaw, saying nothing.

"I don't know about towels, either," she strode over to a closet and checked, but it was empty. "When we got here, the place was pretty much stripped bare, probably from other wanderers looking for food and shelter, so there's not much here we can use besides our SeeD gear."

He nodded and crossed his arms. "S'fine."

Quistis walked to the door, paused, and turned to look at him. "I'll be right next door," she told him softly. "I'll probably be up all night. I've got battle plans and maps all over the place. If…if you want to come and take a look, or if you have questions…or if you need to be debriefed…you know…you can come in anytime you want."

He watched her.

"Or even…" She shrugged. "If you…your input is valuable, so I wouldn't mind if you had any suggestions about…" She licked her lips and looked away. "…About what's ahead."

He didn't respond.

They stared at each other for an uncomfortable pause and Quistis fidgeted. She crossed her arms and looked at the floor. After a moment, she looked back up at him.

"I'm glad you're here, Seifer. I really am."

He cocked his head, as if he didn't hear her right. Slowly, very slowly, he walked up to her…closer, closer, until he was standing over her, staring down at her, challenging her silently, wanting her to prove it, once and for all. She watched him warily, almost hopefully, and he saw her breathing pick up as her chest moved up and down, even though he knew she was trying to hide it. She glanced down at his lips, then back up to his eyes, but did nothing.

He narrowed his eyes. She was afraid.

He moved to grab the doorknob and opened the door, pulling it with an abrupt squeak, and glared at her.

Quistis swallowed and looked down. "…Right. I'll…um…see you tomorrow, then."

. . .

The minute Quistis walked out, Seifer closed the door behind her. He didn't slam it. But he wasn't quiet about it, either.

Angrily, he strode to the bathroom, stripped bare, turned the shower knob, and exhaled with a deep breath and a low growl from under the icy cold blast of water. He bent his head into the stream of water, not caring if it had a brownish tint to it, and ran a hand through his hair, ignoring the temperature. He rubbed the grime from the back of his neck, leaned against the tile wall, stared at the drain, and spat.

Fucking Quistis. Why didn't she do anything? She never took the initiative. Never. Not even here, not even now, after all the bullshit she said. He was tired of throwing the brick-sized hints at her head. He was tired of always trying to get her attention. Eight years ago that's all he did in her classroom. Eight years ago he'd laid it on thick, and she was still fucking oblivious. Obviously nothing's changed.

Well. At least she hasn't. He was done with the innuendos; that was for fucking sure. He never spoke to her because, really, what could he fucking say? He didn't want to talk about the war. He didn't want to talk about how he spent his life afterwards. He'd been through hell and back and wasn't about to revisit the good ol' days from Garden. Those days were long dead. The last thing he wanted to do was pick up right where he left off in Quistis's classroom. Like hell he would. Like she would even fucking notice. Not like she noticed Squall.

It took all his self-control and well-trained efforts, however, not to do anything when she was damn near naked in front of him every day. After everything that had happened, he thought he could never possibly feel again – feel anything – but then there she was, knocking on his door and asking him to come back. Telling him that she'd been looking for him all this time. Telling him that he mattered to her. Telling him that she really did care for him.

…Fighting along his side. Washing her arms and torso in the streams they found, putting her clothes out to dry. Wiping the sweat from her bare neck. Glancing up at him every now and then from across the small campfire. Breathing soft and steady at night, even though he knew she couldn't sleep...

Mother fuck.

On top of that, every single fucking day his memories had haunted him; not only those of the Second War and the stupid fucking decisions he'd made, but also because he never really could stop thinking about her. Hadn't she ever realized that it was all for her? He'd wanted to prove himself, and if a stupid fucking SeeD field exam wouldn't do it, he knew he'd had to go above and beyond anything SeeDs have ever done in their miserable little lives.

Or so he thought.

As soon as the word boy came out of Edea's lips, he knew he'd made a huge mistake, but he was too hardheaded and too prideful to turn back. It was a sick and twisted combination of his own indecision, his deepest desire to prove his importance, and Ultimecia's control over him that he ended up following every single order she gave him.

Ironic.

It took an entire year of madness and blood and death and torture, and in the end, Quistis was further from him than she ever was before. He'd been on the brink of madness himself, and the only ones capable of pulling him out of his own misery and despair were Fujin and Raijin. He'd finally given up on Garden, though, and her, and drifted around the country in a meager, feeble attempt to keep the remaining pieces of his life stitched together and stayed out of the public eye.

But then she was there, in front of him, like some sort of sick joke, suddenly spilling her guts to him, suddenly tearing his right out all over again.

Those were fucking words, though. Not action. He wanted her to prove it. She'd just refused to act upon a golden opportunity, and now he was convinced that she'd just flat-out lied to him to get him to come back. He followed her to Winhill like a Hynedamned lovesick puppy.

…And why in the fuck did she endanger herself, anyway, to find him? Her team was spread thin and they were almost out of damn magic. Shit, half the SeeD specialists were only as good as their magic. What the fuck was Quistis thinking?

The more he thought about her, the more enraged he became.

He faced the stream of water, letting the cold engulf him, then he dipped his head and spat again, ignoring the goosebumps and instead lingered, wanting to go numb. He ran a hand through his hair and wondered if he should just leave, tonight, and fuck all the SeeDs who got in his way, he was fucking done with all of them anyway –

There was a small sound, like a shifting of fabric, close by that made Seifer stand at rigid attention, fists clenched, ready to attack or defend, whatever was standing just outside the bathroom door, which he'd left gaping open.

Quistis was standing there, watching him. And she'd slipped out of every article of clothing she had, leaving it on the floor behind her. She was completely naked.

He blinked and stared for a moment, not knowing what to do with this completely unexpected scenario, wondering if this was actually a figment of his already shattered imagination.

She slowly approached the tub and stepped in, watching him carefully. Seifer turned to watch her, keeping his back to the water. She sucked in a small breath and ignored the piercing cold water as she looked up at him.

He stared at her, bewildered, but not without caution.

She placed both her hands on his chest and moved toward him, slowly lifting herself on tiptoe to give him a chaste kiss.

Seifer watched her intently, but did not return the kiss.

She continued to kiss him slowly, first on the upper lip, then on the lower one, then on both, all the while gliding her hands down his chest, past his stomach...and he didn't kiss her back, still watching her in wary disbelief, eyes slightly narrowed, trying to ignore the ache and surging stiffness from her touch…her skin…

He tried to hide it, but he felt his heartbeat and breaths quicken when she touched him, caressed him, and kissed him again, ignoring his skeptical look, ignoring the fact that he still hadn't kissed her back. Her tongue came out timidly and brushed his bottom lip, and she took one of his hands and slid it in front of her, slowly pushing his palm down low, using her fingers to guide his into her, and she was wet and warm, and she looked up at him boldly and sighed into his lips, kissing him softly again.

He swallowed and slid his other hand slowly up her back, stepping forward a bit to push her up against the shower wall, teased her with his finger before reaching up and caressing a nipple, then softly touched her arm…grabbed it in need to hold her close…his other hand sliding up the back of her neck…he stepped closer, feeling himself rub up against her, and she sighed…he looked down at her and his lips hovered over hers…

…and he grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked her head back forcefully.

Quistis let out a sharp gasp.

He gripped her arm firmly and glared at her, their faces inches from each other. "What are you trying to do?"

Quistis had expected this. She remained calm and replied softly, "Nothing." She slowly resumed moving her hands over him, touching him, stroking him…

He was so cold that he was almost numb; but she was inches from him, teasing him, making his blood run hot, clouding up his senses…

It figured. Only when he was around Quistis could he feel hot and cold at the exact same time.

He sneered at her, trying to ignore her touch. He gave her hair another quick yank and replied, "Liar."

"You said it yourself," she replied, wincing. "I've ignored you long enough. I never told you how I felt. Well, I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of the rules and regulations. I'm tired of putting on a mask. Now that you're back, I'm not going to let it happen ever again - "

He refused to believe her. Seifer's grip on her tightened and he pressed her into the cold tile wall, trying to ignore her nakedness against his. "What do you want from me? Why are you doing this?"

"I just told you. Why else would I be doing this, Seifer?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Why here? Why now?"

"I wanted to give you your space…I didn't want to make you angry - "

Seifer curled his lip. "You waited to lure me all the way out here - "

"No!"

" – and now that I'm here, you're going to lure me even further to Esthar - "

"You made the decision to come, Seifer," she challenged. "You could have very well ignored me, and I was telling you the truth - "

It was because she'd been telling him the truth the entire time his frustration and anger had festered even more. He just couldn't comprehend that after everything he'd done, after all the lives he'd taken and the damage he'd caused, that she would still have feelings for him. The feelings he'd had for her were still there, but after she'd confessed to him, it was almost as if he needed to push her away again for her own protection.

Don't come after me. Don't find me. Don't care about me. I'm ruined. I'm damaged. I'll only hurt you…

She cared about him. It was so foreign and so rare for someone to give him the time of day, let alone have Quistis standing in front of him naked, that he didn't know what to do. His reaction was anger – mostly because he was enraged at his own bewilderment, but also because she damn near risked her life for nothing, and she was already driving him mad with her lips, and her hands, and her body -

"Only took you eight years," he snarled, his face inches from hers.

"I spent most of those years looking for you," she replied breathlessly, looking directly into his eyes. "And it took me eight years because you're the one who ran."

His nostrils flared and he tightened his fingers around the fistful of hair, making her wince again, but Quistis didn't drop her gaze.

"Don't turn this around and blame it on me," she continued. "I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work - "

"What am I trying to do, Trepe?"

"Push me away. Keep me at a distance. Place blame. Act like you don't care. But no matter what you do, it won't change anything. It won't change how I feel about you."

He stared at her.

She looked up at him, her voice low. "Not this time. I'm not leaving."

His jaw muscles worked. His resolve was shrinking. He slowly shook his head and tried to find a reason she could be lying. His voice was thick, however, and he managed to murmur, "…Why?"

Because I love you. She knew that saying it was too cliché and too abrupt and too affectionate for someone like Seifer. It was too hasty of an explanation for only seeing him the first time in eight years. He wouldn't believe her if she said something to him like that, even if it was the truth. Instead, she told him a different way, using language he'd be able to understand.

"Because for the second time in our lives, we're at war," Quistis continued, her eyes never leaving his, "and this time, I'm not going to let you go. If I'm going to die fighting another sorceress, I won't do it without you. I can't do it without you. I should have told you then, like I'm telling you now. I won't die without you by my side."

There was another long pause as he stared at her. Her previous words popped into his head.

I trust him with my life.

"…It's too late for me, Quistis," he murmured.

To his surprise, she smiled. It was a bitter smile. Tears pricked at her eyes. "It's too late for all of us, Seifer," she whispered.

His jaw muscles worked and he seemed to be struggling with a response. Quistis lifted a hand, ran her fingers along the back of his neck, and gripped his short hair. She nuzzled her nose against his.

"Just kiss me."

Finally, with a resigned grunt, he did as he was told and crushed his lips to hers, kissing her hard and long, parting her lips with his tongue and pressing deep. She responded with just as much need, her breathing heavy, pushing back against him, using a hand to grip him lower and tease. Emitting another low rumble, he grabbed her thigh, lifted her, and pushed her against the tile wall, entering her almost forcefully, prompting Quistis to emit a sharp gasp, but she dug her nails into his back and thrust her hips out, giving him leverage, and he went deeper. She breathed into his ear and lifted an arm to grab the shower curtain rod. With each of Seifer's hard, desperate thrusts, Quistis felt her body scoot higher and higher up the wall, so she lifted her other leg and put her foot in the empty soap dish. He clutched her tightly and kissed her roughly, biting her shoulders and neck, sucking her breasts, then went to her mouth, groaning, pushing harder, even deeper, and making her wince but pushing back against him just as hard. She whimpered, he let out a shaky breath, she sighed, and he grunted, both of them holding each other tightly, never wanting to let go, wanting to feel each other, frustration and pleasure and pain written on both of their faces.

They were tired and dirty, exhausted and fatigued from the trip, and breathing hard from the difficult effort it took from their position in the shower, but neither of them cared. They buried themselves in each other, wrapped around and pressed into one another, embracing the here and the now and how nothing else mattered. After several long minutes, he felt her tighten around him and she let out a choked moan, and he gripped her hips with both hands and went as deep as he could possibly go, squeezing his eyes shut and emitting a low growl into her chest with his own release.

They remained there for a long moment, trying to catch up, neither of them wanting to move. Quistis buried her face in his neck, and Seifer squeezed her even tighter.

Slowly, hesitantly, Seifer lowered Quistis down and turned to face the icy blast of water, grabbed the knob, and twisted. The stream of water slowed to a halt and the pipes groaned and rattled for a split second, then Seifer turned back to Quistis and kissed her softly, cold water dripping from his face and hair. It was only then they both realized just how tired – and cold – they were. Wordlessly, they left the bathroom, dried off with the SeeD clothing they had, laid the clothes out to dry, and as Quistis made her way to the bed, Seifer stood near the window, which was still wide open, and glared out towards the dark sky.

She slowly got back up and padded over to him.

He let out an aggravated sigh, his jaw muscles working. "The moon's out."

"…I know."

"She's moving."

Quistis nodded and looked down. "…I know."

There was a long pause.

Seifer narrowed his eyes up at the sky. "…Fuckin' hate the moon."

Quistis glanced up at him. He meant the Lunar Cry. It was the first time in a very long time he made any mention, any hint, of the Second War. She suddenly felt very sad for him, watching his expression as he glared at the moon, which was mostly shrouded in clouds again. She slowly walked up to him and leaned into his back, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and sighed at the back of his neck, making little goosebumps prickle along his nape.

After a moment, Seifer closed the shutters, took Quistis by the hand, and led her over to the bed, lying down and wrapping his arm around her as she tucked herself next to him, putting her head on his chest.

Neither of them slept through the night, but the intermittent dozing was better than what they had in months. It was possible they'd never be able to have each other again, and it was almost as if they didn't want to sleep now that they were in each other's arms, but at least for that one night, they both had peace.