A/N: I love this show so much. Seriously. So freaking much.

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. At all. Isn't it sad?

"I am sorry to disturb you my Lord." Nothing good ever comes after Uncle Agravaine says that. Arthur looks at him with polite inquiry written over his features and wishes that Merlin was here, so he would have someone around to lessen the impact of his Uncle's words.

"You are never a disturbance Uncle, you give good counsel."

"The thing I wish to discuss with you is of a rather delicate nature." Arthur wonders, heart sinking, if this is another attempt to keep him away from Guinevere. He hopes not.

"State your mind."

"Well, Merlin." Arthur looks at him in confusion. Has Merlin done something wrong? Actually that's too general, Merlin has always done something wrong, but usually it has nothing to do with his uncle. "I understand that he's a fine lad."

"A fine lad? Not how I would describe him." Agravaine looks almost embarrassed.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't. A handsome lad, then." Arthur sits up and stares. "I realize that he has striking cheekbones, and a certain charm about him, and I suppose his eyes are stunning."

"Uncle, is there a reason you're complimenting my servant? I warn you; he's mine, and I'm not going to let him be employed elsewhere." Agravaine snorts.

"Believe me sire, I have no wish to employ your servant." Arthur doesn't understand the emphasis on the word employ. It's not as though one would do anything else with him…wait. Dear God, does Agravaine fancy him? Because Merlin has duties and things to do and Arthur grimaces and supposes that if his Uncle really does fancy Merlin, there's not much he can do about it, though he could kill his Uncle in single combat like he did with that other knight who fancied Merlin but he can't kill his Uncle, and it's not like Merlin wouldn't be treated well, in fact being the concubine to a high Lord would probably improve Merlin's standing considerably except that he belongs to Arthur, dammit, though not that way just in a servant-master platonic relationship way and quite frankly Merlin barely has time to do all of his perfectly platonic duties to Arthur so his Uncle will just have to find someone else to be his concubine. So there.

Arthur realizes that he missed whatever his Uncle just said.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"I said, I realize why you keep Guinevere around so often." Agravaine is looking at him almost pitying. "But this cannot continue. If word of it gets out, well, how are you ever going to find a wife?"

"Huh?" Arthur is confused. "Uncle, I'm keeping Guinevere beside me. A good King follows his heart."

"And if his heart takes him into sin and into humiliation for the Kingdom?" Agravaine asks sharply. Arthur looks at him in utter bewilderment.

"But it's only love! She is not a humiliation to Camelot!" Agravaine sighs.

"I know, and the girl is far preferable to Merlin." Huh? "That is the precise reason this cannot continue."

"What can't continue?"

"Your affair." Agravaine looks at him sympathetically. "The people would never accept it. Nor would the other Kingdoms fear Camelot as they should if they knew your personal life was so…troubled."

"Wh - my personal life isn't troubled!" And what on earth does any of this have to do with Merlin? "Uncle, I'm afraid I don't understand you."

"I know that you two aren't troubled by it, and perhaps have an agreement with the girl, but Arthur. You are King now. You must sire an heir one day." Arthur nods slowly. This is not news to him. "You understand?"

"…no." Agravaine looks at him in frustration now. As if Arthur is being deliberately obtuse when he isn't, he just wants to know what on earth his Uncle's issue with Merlin is! "Uncle, I don't see how Merlin plays into this."

"Well, he is the other party in the affair." Agravaine says dryly. Arthur is shocked into silence.

"You think…" Arthur can't even find words. "You think I'm bedding Merlin?"

"Arthur, you've done a wonderful job of covering it up, particularly the detail with the girl. It's very impressive." Agravaine sighs. "But I've seen the way you two look at each other and well, what with that little scene in court yesterday…I fear that the entire court has caught on."

"But I'm not!" Arthur's voice is squeaking now. "I'm not bedding Merlin! I don't know how you even got that idea!"

"Arthur." Agravaine is giving him a look. "Neither I nor your advisors are morons."

"But…" Arthur still can't even find words. He's not bedding Merlin! He's in love with Gwen, has he not made that perfectly obvious? Everyone should be able to tell! "I'm not sleeping with Merlin!"

"Then perhaps you should." Arthur chokes. "Have a good shag, get it out of your system, then send the boy home with an incentive not to talk." Agravaine nods to himself as if he is the one who plans out Arthur's life. "Yes, do that. And simply give up the romantic delusions you two are treating yourselves to."

"We don't have any romantic delusions because there is no romance! He's my manservant for God's sakes!" Arthur cannot believe this. And Agravaine says the entire court thinks they're together?

"Arthur, please listen to me." Agravaine sighs. "We can only resolve this problem if you admit to me that you have a problem, and that the boy is the cause." Arthur opens and shuts his mouth. "Arthur, let me help you."

"I don't need help!" Arthur doesn't understand this. Not at all. "I'm not in love with Merlin!"

"Sire, quite apart from the fact that I catch you two staring into each other's eyes on a dear daily basis, he is constantly hanging around being wildly inappropriate, and that scene." Agravaine sounds as if he just doesn't have words to describe his horror at the scene. "The only thing to do is to get you married before words gets out."

"First of all, I don't want to get married!" Before Arthur can continue with a denial that there is anything going on, Agravaine cuts him off.

"That much is obvious Arthur. But your romp with Merlin will not last forever." Arthur rises to his feet.

"Get out." Agravaine blinks at him. "You heard me! You've insulted me, accused me of sodomy, and somehow think that I'm in love with a bloody idiot! Get out of my sight!" Agravaine scurries away and Arthur drops back into his chair, suddenly exhausted.

Why would Agravaine ever think that? It's not as though Merlin and he are very different from any other pair of friends…Arthur closes his eyes and tries to think of what his father would do. His father would have a good think about this. Arthur sits and thinks.

Five minutes later

Oh, God. Arthur sits bolt upright, realizing in horror that according to all behavioral indications, he is shagging Merlin.

A/N: I love this show so much. So much. Inspired by a scene by 3x05, obviously.