A/N: Guys you have NO idea what I went through to bring you this, and it's taken ages, been "long and arduous" and very boring and precision. As if you care! I now present to you…

CHARMEDED: THE MUSICAL

SCENE ONE: A TWIST OF HELL.

INT. ONE 'F*CK-OFF PINK MANSION'. DAY. PIPER AND PHOEBE ARE IN THE KITCHEN. PIPER IS SITTING AT THE TABLE WITH A SLICE OF TOAST, PHOEBE IS PRETTY MUCH POTTERING ABOUT DOING... NOT MUCH. THEN MUSIC STARTS, IT'S VERY JAZZY AND SWING-STYLE... AND THEY BEGIN TO SING.

PHOEBE: Do you want some coffee?

PIPER:    Only if it's banoffee

PHOEBE: With a little toffee

BOTH:     And a twist of hell!

PIPER:     I could do with some wine.

PHOEBE: It's eight AM you swine!

PIPER:    Hey - it's fine

BOTH:    With a twist of hell!

THEY BOTH BEGIN DANCING LIKE IDIOTS, THEN GET TO THE CHORUS.

BOTH:    Cos a twist of hell is all very well

              And we can always tell

PHOEBE: Into our lives it brings excitement

PIPER LOOKS SCARED FOR THIS LINE:

PIPER:    Maybe even a little frightment

BOTH:    Consequential, evidential

PHOEBE: Damn I'm sexual

PIPER STARES AT PHOEBE.

PHOEBE: Instrumental?

THEY BEGIN DANCING LIKE BUFFOONS AGAIN FOR THE BIG TRUMPET SOLO.

BOTH:     We need a little fun

               To brighten up our lifeless lives

              Give us a little fun       

PIPER LOOKS AT HER WEDDING RING.

PIPER:      Instead of being lifeless wives

BOTH:      That's why we love a twiiiist - of - hellllllllll

THE INSTRUMENTS CONTINUE. COLE SHIMMERS IN. THE JAZZY LITTLE NUMBER THEY WERE SINGING CHANGES INTO AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR SONG.

COLE:     Did someone say hell?

THEY NOD.

COLE:     That's all very well

              But news is there's a new demon in town.

PAUSE.

PHOEBE: Piper - don't frown!

COLE IS ABOUT TO EXPLAIN BUT PAIGE ENTERS, SLAMMING THE DOOR INTO COLE WHO GETS STUCK BEHIND IT. THE STYLE OF MUSIC CHANGES BACK TO THE COOL JAZZY CHOON PIPER AND PHOEBE WERE DOING.

PAIGE:   Does anybody have anything red, to emphasise my stoopid hair and my stoopid head?

             I'll steal your Book Of Shadows - throw it out your windows

PIPER:   Then you'll wish you really were dead!

PIPER GRABS A KNIFE. PAIGE ORBS A KNIFE INTO HER HAND. THEY BEGIN TO DANCE A KNIFE FIGHT. PIPER LUNGES AND:

PAIGE:   Ha! You missed me!

PIPER:   Only cos I dissed thee

PAUSE.

PHOEBE: A hee hee!

PAIGE:   You're being mean!

COLE AND PHOEBE: What's going on here why do we all rhyme?

PAIGE AND PIPER:   I don't know but is it really a crime?

PHOEBE:                  Piper don't whine!

PAIGE:                                                 I think I like slime!

ALL:                         And a twiiiiiist - of - helllllllllllll!

THE SONG FINISHES. THEY ALL LOOK AT EACH OTHER, THEN WALK AWAY IN SEPARATE DIRECTIONS.

ROLL CREDITS.