A/N: So this is my first Big Bang Theory fanfic. Please review, even if it's only a few words!

The toothbrush wasn't enough.

There. She had finally acknowledged the truth, if only in her head. Gerard wasn't going to cut it anymore.

Amy Farrah Fowler had been pseudo-girlfriend to Sheldon Lee Cooper for more than a year now, and all that she had received from him in terms of physical intimacy was initiated by her in its entirety. A chaste kiss. A brief handhold. A cuddle, achieved through rigorous negotiation to aid her through her darkest hour.

Until now.

Sheldon had stated clearly in their recently amended relationship agreement that their relationship was to remain one of intellectual intercourse only. She had not sought to amend the agreement at the time, well-aware of the futility in trying.

And yet, here she was, in her apartment, sitting alone on her couch with a bottle of bourbon, drowning (or perhaps enhancing) her sorrows at her predictable predicament. Penny could get laid whenever she wanted—and why shouldn't she, with that body? Bernadette was engaged to the embodiment of a 'horndog'. And Priya—catty, manipulative Priya—had somehow taken Leonard's attention away from her bodacious bestie Penny. These women all knew how to get their men to do their bidding. And yet, here she sat, a Ph.D. in neurobiology, no less, and she couldn't crack Sheldon Cooper.

Amy's laptop binged impatiently, signaling yet another attempt at Skype. A tiny smile appeared on her face. Surely it was Sheldon, on his fifth attempt that evening. She would let him stew. Her cell phone remained perfectly silent, a fact which initiated her to roll her eyes.

"How can I commence a physical relationship?" Amy said aloud, to no one in particular. "If nothing else, how can I get Sheldon to second base?"

"She's not answering my Skype invitations," Sheldon fretted, pacing the living room that he and Leonard shared. "She hasn't answered my emails either."

"Have you tried calling her?" Leonard suggested.

Sheldon huffed.

"Haven't we already covered why that option is invalid?"

Leonard smiled at him.

"I don't think we have."

"Again you forget," Sheldon said with an exasperated roll of the eyes. "The decibels emitted by Amy Farrah Fowler's laptop best by at least 60 decibels her personalized ringtone for yours truly. Thus, if she is unable to perceive the Skype invite, there's no hope that she'll heed my ringtone."

"Well, then just keep trying to contact her in the most impersonal ways possible," Leonard muttered.

"You make it sound like a bad thing," Sheldon replied poutily. "I am concerned for her welfare. She is my girlfriend and it is my obligation to do so."

"Is that in the relationship agreement?" Leonard asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Need you ask?"

Leonard rolled his eyes.

"So, if I, say, rip up the agreement, will you cease to care about her?"

Sheldon stopped pacing for a moment, staring at Leonard with wide eyes.

"I did not describe the action as 'caring', Leonard," he spat. "It is merely a societal obligation contained within the bounds of a romantic relationship."

"Stop—you're making me swoon," Leonard teased. "Have you considered that Amy might be mad at you? I mean, with that kind of explanation, who wouldn't be?"

"She has no reason to be angry with me," Sheldon replied, continuing to pace. "She was quite pleased with her Chinese food tonight and was in fact surprisingly adept at playing Adventure Island III. Not only that, but she left for her residence with nary a frown."

Suddenly Sheldon froze, truly horrified.

"Wait—you don't think something happened to her on the way back to her apartment?"

Now Leonard was surprised by the sudden chill running up his own spine. Sheldon didn't often express emotions towards other people that were tangible enough to see.

"There's only one way to find out," Leonard suggested, shrugging as casually as possible. "Call her."

"Better yet, you can drive me there. If something were to happen to her during travels from my dwelling to hers, I would be held totally accountable, even though I cannot walk her to her door every night, as it were. I would have to drive to do that."

"Then drive," Leonard said. Sheldon glared at him.

"Have you gone insane? It's an incredibly dangerous and expensive assignment to undertake day in and day out. I would rather you accompany me to her residence. I mean, let's face it, Leonard, you have nothing better to do."

Please review!