A Life Full of Surprises

By: Peak123

This is a continuation of Building a Future, the sequel to Love Will Lead You Back. For any newcomers to the storyline, this is Callie and Arizona's journey through marriage and motherhood. This installment will pick up right where Chapter 42 left off, after the birth of Timothy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters/story lines. Sadly, those all belong to ABC and Shonda Rhimes.

Chapter 1

Callie's POV:

Seven days ago, my wife gave birth to our son. Timothy Makalo Robbins-Torres is the most beautiful little surprise Arizona and I have ever received. I fell in love with him instantly, his mesmerizing blue eyes staring into my soul just like my wife's do. Timothy is nothing but pure perfection…a miniature version of the woman I love with all of my heart. He has made our lives complete…brought us immeasurable joy…fulfilled our dreams.

Of course, the new addition to our family has also turned our lives upside down. Arizona and I are getting up with Timmy, as his sister so affectionately calls him, every few hours. Being breastfed, he will have to eat more often…which means, more work for my wife and less sleep for all of us. People try to warn you…try to prepare you for the drastic differences in parenting not one, but two children. Of course, no one ever believes it until they experience it for themselves. Arizona and I have quickly learned what a challenge it can be to keep everybody happy….to meet the growing needs of our newborn and still keep our energetic toddler entertained. To say things have been hectic around our house is an understatement.

And now, we are having a New Year's Eve party tonight. As if having a baby a week ago didn't add enough craziness to our lives, we're going to offer alcohol to a bunch of easily influenced fools and call it a party. And Arizona thinks this is a good idea.

"Come on, Callie," my wife says, her dimples peeking out from behind her smile to win me over. "It'll be fun. Everyone can see the baby. We can finally see some other people. I know Sophia will be happy to hear something other than our voices or her brother's cries. I thought you were okay with this."

"I was, but the more I think about it…I just, I don't know," I say, looking down at the sleeping angel in my arms in an effort to avoid making eye contract with my wife. Once I see those big, blue eyes pleading with me, I am done. And I need Arizona to at least hear me out first. "When we first planned this whole thing, it seemed like a good idea. We could have everyone over…get a break from the constant flow of visitors…have them all here in one shot. But then I, I started thinking about how drunk everyone was going to get and…"

"And what?" Arizona interjects, ducking down to meet my eyes. Damn it…those eyes. They're pleading…begging almost. She's gonna win this one. "Baby, please…I really want to do this. It will make me feel more like me again. This past week, I don't really know who Arizona is…I'm just a new mother, who is worried and emotional and exhausted. Please, Calliope…I need to be me again, just for one night." Damn woman…how can I say no to her now?

"Fine…but none of those drunk idiots are holding my baby," I yell, a small smile forming on my face when Arizona leans in to kiss the corner of my mouth. "What time did you tell them all to show up later?"

"Six o'clock," she answers excitedly. "I already ordered all the food from our favorite Asian restaurant. Steak, chicken, sushi, tons of appetizers and stuff. I'm even having it delivered so you don't have to do anything Teddy is going to pick up the dessert tray from the bakery for us. I even called the cleaning lady. Everything is covered."

"Wow, you really do want to have this party," I say as I look up at my wife, unable to keep the laughter from escaping when she shakes her head up and down vigorously. Apparently, my giggling has disturbed our son and Timothy begins to squirm a bit.

"Shhh, sorry buddy. Oh, Mama's sorry I woke you up," I whisper to the beautiful boy in my arms, smiling brightly when I am met with another pair of big, blue eyes.

"That's okay, Callie…he was due to eat now anyway," Arizona says as she comes to stand behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist. "Hello, little man. Are you hungry, my sweet boy? Hmmm?"

Timothy just continues to squirm in my arms, his soft cries filling the air after a moment. I place a tender kiss to my son's soft, pink lips before passing him to his mommy. "I'm serious, Arizona…once people start drinking later, it's hands off our little surprise."

"Does that include your hands, Calliope?" my wife chuckles as she settles Timothy down on her lap and begins to unbutton her top. "Because I've yet to attend a party with alcohol where you are not one of the drunk ones, my love."

My jaw drops and I cross my arms over my chest, pretending to be highly offended by that comment. "I don't need to drink to have a good time at this party. I've been sober at many parties where alcohol's been offered, I'll have you know."

"Oh yeah? Like when…in grade school maybe?" my wife teases, our eyes smiling at one another over our little boy. "It's okay, baby…you should have a few drinks. Have fun."

"I'm sure I'll have a couple glasses of wine, but there is no way I'm going to be too intoxicated to help you with the kids. And don't even try to argue with me, Arizona," I say before she can try to convince me that she doesn't need any help.

Just then, Sophia wakes up from her nap and starts calling me. "Mama…I thirsty, Mama. You bring me some water….pleeeeaaase?" she hollers from down the hall.

"Sure, baby…I'll be right there," I tell her, leaning down to inhale Timothy's sweet baby scent before walking out of the nursery.

"Hey, peanut," I say when I reach Sophia's door, a huge grin instantly forming on my face when I see my daughter surrounded by stuffed animals. "Wow, looks like you had a big slumber party for nap today."

"I no wanna sleep by myself," Sophia says quite seriously, tears clouding her big, brown eyes as she rips the sippy cup out of my hand.

"Hey, sweetie…what's wrong?" I ask, my heart plummeting when I realize how upset my little girl is. Sophia just pouts, her bottom lip stuck out as her eyes continue to fill with tears. Obviously, something is bothering her and she doesn't want to talk about it. "Come on, Soph…talk to me. Tell Mama what's wrong." But she shakes her head no, turning away from me so I don't see the tears fall. I cross the room and sit on the floor beside her bed, my arms outstretched for her to join me. She hesitates at first, little fingers wiping the tears she doesn't want me to see. But when I don't move…don't leave her…don't stop offering my loving arms, she finally gives in. All of a sudden, a little body is thrown into my lap, a mess of black curls burying into my chest. "Okay…okay, peanut. It's okay. Mama's here. Everything is gonna be okay," I promise the sweet girls in my arms.

"I no wanna sleep all alone, Mama," Sophia tells me again, causing me to raise an eyebrow.

I think about it for a moment…try to figure out exactly what is going through that little head of hers. Then, it dawns on me. "Is this because your brother is sleeping in our room, Sophia? Are you sad because Timothy gets to sleep with me and Mommy?" I can feel Sophia nodding into my chest, her head burying deeper and deeper as she clings to me. "That's why you have all these stuffed animals in here with you…so you have someone to sleep with too. Oh, Sophia…"

I feel my own tears burning the back of my eyes, the thought of my peanut feeling so sad just breaking my heart. "I sorry, Mama," she whispers through her gut wrenching sobs, her eyes locked with mine when she pulls back to talk to me. "I no want Timmy to sleep with you and Mommy. He taking my spot in the big bed."

"Aw, no…no, sweetheart. Timmy doesn't sleep in our bed. He sleeps in the bassinet. And no one is taking your place. I promise you, baby girl. No one can ever take your place," I choke out, blinking back my tears.

I swallow the lump in my throat, fully aware now that this is much more than worrying about her spot in the bed….even if Sophia doesn't know it. "You know what? We're having a big party tonight, remember?" Sophia nods, a small smile forming as she thinks about all the fun and goodies a party entails. "Well, since it's a special night…Mommy said you could come sleep in our bed tonight."

"She did?" Sophia asks, her eyes growing wide with excitement. "Mommy wanna have me with her in the big bed?"

"Uh huh…she sure does. We both do…but, but it was Mommy's idea to have this special sleepover. Doesn't it sound like fun?"

"Yay…fun," Sophia squeals with joy, wiping the last of her tears before running in the direction of the nursery. "Mommy…I love you, Mommy," I hear her call to Arizona as I push my self up off the floor. When I get to Timothy's room, Sophia is hugging Arizona's legs, telling her over and over again how much she loves her.

"I love you too, peanut," Arizona says, gesturing for me to take the baby so she can give Sophia a proper hug. Arizona places Timothy into my arms, smiling when he coos at the sound of my voice. She then pulls Sophia up into her lap and holds her close, lowering her brow in confusion as to why our daughter is suddenly so enamored with her. "Would you mind telling me what this is all about?" Arizona asks.

"Oh…she's just excited, that's all. Right, Sophia?" I say, gaining another questioning look from my wife. Sophia nods and smiles, looking up at her mommy adoringly. "She's really excited about our big sleepover tonight. You know, the one you suggested so that we are all together…so someone doesn't feel left out?"

The confusion quickly fades from Arizona's face, and she inhales sharply before nodding in agreement. "Yes, it will be so much fun. You can sleep right in between me and Mama, like you always do on special nights," my wife tells our daughter, her voice cracking a bit as the realization of Sophia's insecurity hits her hard.

"Dorado can sleep in your room too, Mommy?" Sophia asks, her tear stained cheeks being caressed by my wife. Arizona nods and smiles, despite her broken heart, and Sophia takes off in search of her four-legged friend. "Rado…me and you gonna sleep in the big bed tonight. We not gonna be all alone," we hear her yell in the distance.

"Oh my God, Callie…what happened? She was crying when she woke up? Oh, my poor baby," Arizona chokes out, her eyes wet with emotion.

"Yeah, she was pretty upset at first," I admit reluctantly, knowing how much that fact will hurt my wife. "I think it's finally hitting her…you know, the whole sibling thing."

"But, but she hasn't said anything…or, or acted out at all," Arizona says, sadness taking over her face. "Unless…unless you've been keeping it from me."

"No," I shout, not wanting there to be any doubt in her mind. "No, this is the first time she's displayed anything even remotely resembling jealousy. She just, she wants to make sure she doesn't lose her place in our lives…or in our bed," I say with a nervous giggle, relieved when I hear Arizona let out a small chuckle of her own. "Sophia is gonna be just fine," I tell my wife after placing Timothy in his crib and winding up the mobile. "She'll need a little reassurance every now and then, but…"

"So, we'll give it to her," Arizona chimes in as she looks down at the baby with me. "We'll give her anything she needs to make sure she knows how much we love her. Ohhhh, this is going to be tougher than I thought."

"Hey…hey, look at me," I whisper, pulling my wife's hands away from her face. "I told Sophia, and I'll tell you….everything is going to be okay." Arizona exhales loudly, brown eyes reflected in blue when she finally looks at me. "I'm not going to lie and tell you it will be easy. We knew there would be a period of adjustment. But we'll get through it, and everything will work out in the end."

"Tell me that in a week, when you go back to work," Arizona huffs, looking away from me again.

"Okay…I will," I say, determined to show her that no matter what, I'll be here for her.

I can see a smile forming at the corner of her mouth and before I know it, she is in my arms.

"Thank you," she whispers, blonde waves what I now see imbedded in my chest. "I love you, Calliope."

"I love you too, baby," I tell her, pulling back to look in her eyes. "And I love you, little man," I say to our son who is kicking his little feet to the music from the mobile. Arizona lifts Timothy out of the crib, placing a bunch of soft kisses to his face before passing him to me. "Where are you going?" I ask when Arizona leaves the room without a word.

"I'm going to take a shower," she hollers, her voice echoing down the hall. "We have a party to get ready for."

A few hours later, we are all dressed and ready for the big New Year's celebration. Sophia is waiting anxiously at the front door for our guests to arrive, hats and horns in hand. "Daddy," she exclaims when I open the door for her father. "Happy New Year! Here, Daddy…you wear a hat, just like me."

"Sure thing, kiddo," Mark says with a laugh, placing the pointy red cone on his head before scooping up our daughter. "I've missed you this week, Sophia. You been having fun at home with your moms?"

"Yup. We gonna have a sleepover in the big bed tonight," Sophia declares proudly, a beautiful smile gracing her adorable face. "Just me, Mama, and Mommy…no baby. He sleep in the bassinet."

"Sophia…Sophia, Mommy needs her little helper," Arizona calls from the kitchen, sending our daughter skipping off in her direction.

"So, I take it the big sister thing isn't going too well?" Mark inquires, his focus shifting from Sophia to the insistent dog begging for attention. "Hey there, Dorado. What's the matter, pal? You jealous too?"

I roll my eyes as I pet Dorado, nudging Mark with my elbow when he continues to tease me. "Sophia's been doing great, actually," I tell Mark, partly to shut him up and partly to remind myself. "She's been great with the baby…you can tell she loves him."

"Of course she loves him, Cal…but that doesn't mean she isn't jealous," Mark says, his tone much more serious. "Everyone gets jealous when they have a new sibling, right? I mean, I wouldn't know because I never had one."

"Well, that explains a lot," I say, taking my turn to tease him. "Yeah, I was jealous of Aria a bit. But it passed. Just like it will for Sophia."

The doorbell rings again and I excuse myself to usher in some more guests, telling Mark to grab a drink and some appetizers in the dining room. Within the next hour, all of our guests have arrived. Zola and Tuck seem to be keeping Sophia happy, the three kids running around the house with their horns. Everyone gushes over the baby, and I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride when I hear them compliment our beautiful son.

"Yes, you are the most handsome boy in the whole world," Teddy tells her godson, clearly quite smitten with Timothy. "Yes, there are going to be girls….um, or, or boys…lining up for you a mile down the road."

"Give me my son back, crazy lady," Arizona says as she leans over her best friend and pulls our little surprise into her arms. "Aunt Teddy is a nut, honey. But you'll learn to love her anyway."

Teddy sticks her tongue out at my wife as she gets up off the couch and heads in the direction of the bar. "At least I can drink," she yells to Arizona, holding up a glass of white wine to tease her. "Mmmm, delicious. Want some? Oh, that's right…you can't have any. Aw, so sad."

"Hey, leave my wife alone," I yell from the kitchen as I take another round of appetizers out of the oven. "She's doing a very important job…feeding your godson. Don't taunt her with alcohol. And don't even think about holding Timothy once you hit another glass of wine."

"I see the overprotective thing hasn't disappeared," Teddy tells my wife, who just keeps staring at me from the living room. I turn my head just in time to see Arizona smile, my heart fluttering in my chest every time I see those dimples.

"Hey, um…where's the Tequila, Cal?" Cristina asks as she comes barreling into the kitchen, sneaking hors d'oeuvres as if I don't see her.

"There was a whole bottle on the bar," I say, smacking her hand away from the food. "Did you guys drink that whole thing already?"

"Um…uh, yup," she replies. "What did you expect when you invited me and Karev? Got any more?"

"Arizona…do we have any more Tequila, babe?" I call to my wife, catching her just as she is about to enter the nursery with Timothy.

"Yeah, I think there's some more in the cabinet under the bar. Tell Cristina to help herself," Arizona says with a laugh. "You're more than welcome to have a drink with her, Calliope."

"No, I'm good. Just gonna stick with wine," I tell her. I turn to tell Cristina what my wife said, but apparently she heard for herself. When I make my way to the dining room with the tray of appetizers, she is already busy opening the new bottle of Jose Cuervo. "Didn't waste any time, did ya?" I say, shaking my head at my drunk friend.

"Good thing my husband's here," Cristina says, laughing wildly after she takes another shot of Tequila. He's my chauffeur. Isn't that right, Owen?"

"Sure…I'll drive you home later," Owen replies, causing Cristina to smile proudly. "But you're not sleeping in our bed if you puke."

Everyone cracks up at the shocked expression on Cristina's face, drunken laughter filling the room. "What's wrong with you?" I ask Bailey when I see her glaring at all of our friends, clearly not amused by their behavior. "You need a drink, Miranda."

"Did you see my son playing with your daughter over there?" Bailey asks as she points me in the direction of the playroom. "It's New Year's Eve, fool…and I have my child to drive home later. I'm not drinking a drop."

"Good," I say, patting her on the shoulder for being so responsible. "You can be on baby watch. Don't let any of those drunk idiots touch my son. If Arizona and I aren't holding him, then you're in charge of Timothy."

"It would be an honor," she says, cracking a small smile. "Speaking of that beautiful baby….where is he?"

I glance around the room, noticing that Arizona is still no where in sight. "Hmm, guess she's still feeding him," I say after checking the kitchen. "I'll be right back. Just gonna go see if Arizona needs any help."

I place my glass of wine down on the table and walk down the hallway towards the nursery. When I reach Timothy's room, I knock lightly before pushing the door open a bit. I never understood why Arizona loved watching me nurse Sophia…why she thought I looked so beautiful breastfeeding our child. That is, until I saw her with Timothy. There is nothing more breathtaking than the sight of my wife feeding our son, and for a moment, I just stand in the doorway and watch her.

"You gonna come in here or what, Calliope?" Arizona finally says, her eyes locked with mine from across the room. "Shut the door maybe, so one of our guests doesn't walk past here and see my boob."

"Sorry…just admiring the view," I say as I enter our alternate universe…our private version of Africa. I swallow the lump in my throat that seems unending these days, the new life in our presence reducing me to tears on a daily basis. "You two are just, just so…beautiful."

"You're pretty beautiful yourself," Arizona says, trying to shrug off the compliment. I can see the pinkness in her cheeks, however…her own tears blinked back as she continues to feed our son. "Mama is right about you, little man," Arizona whispers to Timothy as she strokes his cheek with her finger. "Yes, you are our beautiful boy. Yes, you are."

My heart is filled with so much love as I stand beside the rocking chair and watch my wife nourish our baby. Timothy is easily distracted, his bright blue eyes studying my face as I look down at him. "Te amo, mi pequeña sorpresa," I whisper to the sweet boy before me, sighing in contentment when he wraps his tiny hand around my finger. In this moment, I want nothing more than to stay in our little Malawi and wait for Timmy to finish his dinner. But we have a house full of guests, so I reluctantly pull away from the newest love of my life and head towards the door.

"Well, better get back to the party," I say, sending my wife a warm smile. "You having a good time, I hope?"

"I'm having a great time, Callie. Thanks," Arizona says, gratitude offered by a show of dimples. "Meet you back out there in a few."

Mark is coming out of the bathroom when I exit the nursery, and I can tell by the dumb grin on his face that dirty thoughts are running through his mind. "She just had a baby, Mark," I scoff, smacking him in the arm when he raises his eyebrows. "She's still healing, you moron. We can't have sex for another seven weeks."

"Hmmm…keeping track, are we?" Mark asks, snickering when I smack him again. "Not sure you'll be able to last that long, Cal. Arizona better like to watch you flying solo."

"You're a pervert, Mark," I chuckle, that dumb grin on his face making it impossible not to laugh. "I'll wait as long as she needs."

"You look really happy, Callie. All of you….you look really, really happy," Mark says sincerely, putting his arm around my shoulder as we walk back into the party. I can't stop smiling, the truth in Mark's words making my heart swell yet again.

"Happy New Year, Mark," I say, grabbing my glass off the table and raising it to his.

The rest of the night just flies by. The sober people just keep helping themselves to the table full of food, while the drunks just keep getting drunker. Apparently, the Shepards left while I was in the nursery, after Zola had a major meltdown. It's not even eleven when Owen takes off with Cristina, passed out over his shoulder. Karev is also in the bag, the second bottle him and Dr. Yang polished off clearly having an effect on him.

Bailey helps us clean up for a bit before getting little Tuck home, her tough exterior melted away by the little boy sleeping on Eli's shoulder. "Happy New Year, moms," Bailey says as she kisses Arizona and I goodnight at the front door. "Enjoy that baby boy. Before you know it, he's gonna be a little man," she whines, her brow furrowed as she looks at her son who is already almost seven years old. Life really does go by so fast once you become a mother.

Since most of the crowd has left for the evening, Mark takes his cue and sets out to embark on the two minute walk he has home. Before he leaves, he does my wife and I the favor of carrying our daughter to bed. Sophia fell asleep with little Tuck, watching cartoons in the playroom. "Um…wait," Arizona yells down the hall when Mark starts to veer into Sophia's room with her. "Our room, please," she says with a smile.

Teddy and Henry are the last to leave, both of them clearly intoxicated. "Um, how are you guys getting home?" I ask, just as a cab pulls up to the driveway.

"Okay…good," Arizona says as she kisses her best friend goodbye, practically prying her drunk lips off of Timothy's head. "Good luck with this one tonight, Henry. She could be a lot of fun…or a complete disaster."

"I know, and I'm prepared for both scenarios," Henry says with a laugh as he takes his wife's arm. "Thanks for everything, ladies. Great party."

Arizona closes and locks the door behind them, sighing as she leans against it with Timothy in her arms. "Is it horrible that I'm glad all of our friends left before midnight?" she asks. "I mean, I'm sooo happy we had the party. It was nice to see everybody…show off this gorgeous baby of ours. But I'm glad that we…"

"Get to celebrate the new year alone?" I question, practically reading her mind. "Me too, Arizona. "I want to kiss my wife at midnight. And not the way I would if everybody was watching. I want to ring in this new year with my new family…the family that was born with this little angel last week," I say as I stare back and forth between two sets of bright blue eyes.

Arizona leans in for a quick kiss before passing me our son, her touch sending shivers down my spine. "We have twenty minutes til the ball drops, you wanna put Timothy down in our room and join me in front of the fireplace? I'm gonna have the one glass of wine I'm allowed."

"Sure…that, that sounds amazing," I choke out, a lump in my throat for an entirely different reason now. Damn it. Mark was right. There is no way I'm going to make it another seven weeks, especially if my gorgeous wife…the woman who just gave birth to our son, keeps taunting me this way. But I can't say no to her, so I'll just have to behave myself.

Once I have the baby settled in his bassinet, baby monitor in hand, I head back into the living room. Arizona is just sitting down, a glass of red and a glass of white wine placed before the fire. "He go down okay?" she asks, the hint of worry ever present in her eyes shining through.

"Sleeping like an angel," I say truthfully as I sit beside her, graciously accepting my glass of wine.

The television is muted so we can count down the new year…and for a good five minutes, Arizona and I pretend that we are actually watching it. I can feel her eyes roaming over my body, liquid heat pooling between my thighs every time I glance over at her. When my wife finishes her glass of wine and turns towards me, I can't pretend any longer. My irises are dark with desire as they keep wandering between her eyes and her lips, each second making it harder to resist the beautiful woman before me.

"You know, just because we can't have sex doesn't mean you can't kiss me," Arizona whispers as her hands finds mine, fingers weaving through one another as firelight dances in our eyes. I lick my lips and take a deep breath as I tilt my head towards her, sucking her nervous breath into my mouth as I slowly bring it down upon hers. My wife and I have shared many kisses over the past week, the joy of our newborn baby bringing us closer together than ever. But this kiss is different. This is the kind of kiss that takes your breath away…a kiss filled with passion, reserved only for someone you are completely and madly in love with. "Calliope…" Arizona whimpers when she removes her soft lips from mine, her eyes filled with nothing but love.

I cover her lips with my finger, stopping her from beginning what I'm sure will be one of her famous rambles. I love hearing her say she loves me…needs me…wants me. But right now, I just want to feel it. I crash my mouth into hers, lips parting immediately as we dive into one another. Tongues battle for dominance as hands wander over aching bodies. I kiss every piece of skin available to me, my lips traveling down the length of Arizona's long, sleek neck. My hands hold her body close to mine, fingertips digging into the flesh I adore. My fingers naturally make their way to her breasts, but I hesitate to touch them tonight. I feel almost afraid to claim the sacred part of her that is now responsible for nursing our baby, but my wife quickly rids me of any anxiety I have by grabbing my hand and pushing it onto her breast.

"You can still touch me, Calliope," she breathes in my ear before sucking the lobe into her warm mouth, another rush of liquid desire sent straight to my core.

"I'm gonna need a cold shower after this," I say as I continue to feel her under my skin, our mouths and hands seeking every part of one another while we have the chance.

Just then, the baby cries and our romantic evening comes abruptly to an end. "It was good while it lasted, right?" my wife says, brown eyes reflected in blue before the blazing fire.

"Soooo good," I whisper, leaving her with one last kiss before standing and helping her up off the floor. "Come on, Arizona…let's go watch the ball drop with our babies."

We settle into our big, comfy bed just as the countdown begins. Sophia is sound asleep, softly snoring in between my wife and I as our son begins his midnight feeding. When the clock strikes twelve, I lean over to kiss the woman I love, wishes for the new year passing between our eyes as we look down at our beautiful children.

"Happy New Year, baby," I whisper as I run my fingers through Timothy's soft, blonde hair, pulling Sophia's little body closer to me so I can kiss her forehead.

"I don't know why, but I have a feeling this year is going to be amazing," Arizona says, my heart soaring with love and happiness as our family slumber party begins. I wrap my arms around the three loves of my life, silently wondering how I could ever wish for anything more.

Chapter 2

Arizona's POV:

Callie is going back to work today, and to say I'm a bit nervous is an understatement. It's silly, really. They're my kids…I can handle them alone. Right? Problem is…I'm not so sure. Timothy is a very good baby when my wife is around, but I'm pretty sure she's the love of his life right now. Don't get me wrong, I know he loves me too. But she's the one who can get him to sleep when he's fussy, with her beautiful face and her magical lullabies. Sometimes I feel like all Timothy needs me for is my boobs…boobs that I'm not even sure he really likes. I've tried not to let on, but I'm having a hard time with this breastfeeding thing. It takes the baby a while to latch on, and then once he does, he takes forever to eat. I feel like I am tied down to the rocking chair, or the couch, or our bed most of the day. And I'm sure Sophia feels that way too.

Sophia…my sweet, little peanut. She is doing as well as can be expected with this big change, especially considering she isn't even three years old. But there are definite moments of jealousy. Moments where she can't handle the time and attention her brother demands. Moments where she cries…or screams…or has tantrums like we've never seen. Callie says it's all just part of adjusting…that she'll get used to sharing her life with Timothy…that she'll get over it. I don't know. Sometimes it feels as if Sophia just wants to run away from this new life. And sometimes, I think I'd like to join her.

"What exactly are you trying to say, Arizona?" Callie asks from our bathroom as she scrambles to get ready for work. "You wish we never had another baby? Cause I mean, that's…"

"No, of course not. I love Timothy with all of my heart, and I know the beginning is the hardest. It was like that with Sophia too. It's just…everything was so easy before. Sophia was happy. We weren't exhausted, and if we were, it was only because of the copious amounts of amazing sex we were having."

"And we can have that amazing sex again…just not for another five weeks," Callie interjects before I can continue rambling. "I get it, babe. Really, I do. Life is a bit more challenging with two kids."

I can't help the crazy laugh that escapes my mouth at that statement, and I can see my wife rolling her eyes at me in the mirror. "Okay, so it's a lot more challenging. But we knew this would happen. And it will get easier over time. Before you know it, everything will be back to normal and we won't be able to remember what life was like before Timothy."

"Easy for you to say," I huff, leaning against the bathroom door with my arms crossed over my chest. "You're the one who gets to cut someone open today. You're the one who gets to eat lunch with all of our friends, and hear all about the drama we've been missing for the past three weeks…while I'm stuck here with the kids."

"Stuck?" Callie practically yells as she pushes past me, grabbing her scrubs off the dresser on her way out of the bedroom. "I'm pretty sure we both decided to do this…to have a baby. Nobody forced this on you, Arizona," she says as she turns back, shooting daggers at me with her eyes. "And for the record…I would love to be the one stuck here with our beautiful babies."

Callie takes a moment to peek into Sophia's room, whispering I love you to our little girl before crossing the hall to the nursery. I follow her silently, the sting of her last comment lingering in my heart. I can see her looking at me out of the corner of her eye as she bends over Timothy's crib, her own eyes full of sorrow. "Mama is going to miss you so much, little man," she tells our sleeping boy, the combination of her words and the look in her eyes increasing the guilt within me.

"Wow…way to make me feel like crap," I mutter, anger building with every passing second. "So sorry I can't be the perfect mother like you. So sorry that I'm the one who's drained from nursing. So sorry that I'm the one who actually wants to connect with the outside world this time. Guess you seem to have forgotten what all of this felt like after Sophia came home."

"No, I didn't forget," Callie says, her clenched fists slowly unfolding. "I'm sorry, baby. Really, I am. I'm sorry that you're having a hard time. And I promise, I'll do anything I can to help you…as soon as I get home later. Okay? But right now…right now, I have got to get to work."

I just stand there and nod, sighing in defeat as I watch my wife gather her belongings and heads towards the front door. "I'm sorry for freaking out, Cal. I'm just…"

"A tired mother with a newborn," Callie says, placing her bag down beside her and pulling me into her arms. "I do remember, Arizona. I had a tough time when you went back to work too. But I got through it. And so will you. And hey, at least you have the peanut to keep you company. She's always good at making you smile."

"Yeah, she is," I reply truthfully, a smile forming already at the thought of our adorable daughter. "Alright…go already," I say, tapping on the shoulder my chin is nestled into. I pull back to find a pair of warm, chocolate eyes staring at me, the love shining in them giving me a boost of confidence. "I can do this."

"Yes…yes, you can," Callie whispers as she leans in for a kiss, her soft lips erasing all of my fears momentarily. "Have a wonderful day. I'll call you when I can. I love you."

"I love you too," I say, sadness and doubt creeping back in the moment her lips leave mine. "Have a great day back. Tell everyone I said hello."

Callie nods and smiles as she pushes open the front door, a wave of black hair all I can see as she makes her way through the misty fog.

It isn't long before the soft cries of our little surprise fill the air, my weary body slowly drudging towards the nursery. "Hey there, little man. Mommy's here," I tell my son as I lift him into my arms.

"Mommy…Mommy, I need you," Sophia wines from across the hall, the tiny bit of energy I had zapped with the realization that this is going to be one long day.

"I can do this," I say again, this time only to myself. "Coming, sweetie," I holler to Sophia as I finish changing Timothy's diaper, my own blue eyes mirrored in the ones below me. "Come on, buddy…let's go see your big sister."

When I arrive at Sophia's room a few seconds later, my peanut looks anything but pleased to see Timothy in my arms. And it only makes matters worse when the baby starts screaming to be fed, as usual. "Tell my brudder to stop crying, Mommy," Sophia begs, covering her ears with her little hands. "I no wanna listen to that sound."

"I don't want to either, honey," I tell her in all honesty as I sit down at the edge of her bed and put Timothy to my breast. The baby is squirming around, like he always does when it's time to eat, his mouth thrashing back and forth over my nipple. "Come on, little man…please. Please, just eat." But Timothy continues to cry, issuing a high pitched squeal from deep within his lungs.

"Make him stop," Sophia screams, her fists clenched in anger just like her mama's were a little while ago. "Be quiet, Timmy. No more crying."

My head is spinning, blood boiling in my veins as both Sophia and Timothy continue to vent their frustrations. And it's only eight o'clock. Callie hasn't even been gone an hour yet. I'm never going to make it through this day, I think to myself as I continue to offer the baby my breast. I thrust my nipple into his mouth and move it back and forth…and finally, after a moment, he latches on and begins to eat. "Thank God," I breathe out, shifting my focus from the now content baby to Sophia, who is still screaming at the top of her lungs. "Okay. Okay, that's enough now. Your brother is eating, so let's be quiet."

Sophia looks as though she is repulsed by the sight before her, quickly turning her head away from me and her brother. Even though her back is to me, I can see her arms crossed over her chest…a mannerism she definitely gets from me. I want nothing more than to take away her anxiety…calm her fears…pull her into my arms and tell her that her mommy is still right here. That no one, including her brother, will ever be more important to me than she is. But I can't move. I can't move because Timothy is eating, and moving threatens my chances of him stay latched on. And the last thing I need right now is for him to start wailing again. It's a no win situation.

So I reach my hand out and touch Sophia's shoulder, whispering, "I'm sorry Timmy takes so much of Mommy's time right now, peanut. Remember how we talked about this? How babies have to eat a lot when they are really little?" Sophia slowly nods, her head turning in my direction despite her reluctance to look me in the eyes. "He'll be done pretty soon. And then…then we can, we can do whatever you want. Okay?"

I see a small smile forming at the corners of her mouth, her teary brown eyes locked with mine as she finally moves to face me. "I wanna go outside and play in the snow, Mommy," Sophia exclaims wildly, her little body bouncing up and down on the bed.

"Oh…oh, honey…I…we, we can't exactly go outside," I choke out, knowing that the response will crush her.

"But Mommy…you said, you said we do anything me wanna do," she cries, tears filling her beautiful eyes once more.

"I know, sweetie. I know I did. But, but Timmy is too little to go outside in the cold," I explain, trying to keep my own emotions in check. "Mommy should have been more specific. I'm sorry." Sophia turns her back to me again, covering her ears so she doesn't have to be reasoned with. "Sophia…peanut, come on. We can do anything you want….inside the house. How about play-doh?" She just ignores me, her hands pressed tightly over her ears. "We could paint? Or, or play with your new dollhouse? The one your Abuela gave you for Christmas." Still, her hands do not move. I can tell that none of my suggestions are going to be suitable today. "Please, honey….I'm sorry."

"I wanna go in the snow," Sophia yells loudly, ears still covered. "You say me can pick. I pick the snow."

"Sophia, Mommy will go outside with you as soon as Mama gets home later. How about that?" I ask, cringing when I see the angry look on her face. I've never seen my little girl this mad before.

"Noooooooooooo," she screams, thrashing around in the bed violently. Between the sudden motion and the terrifying squeal, Timothy gets very startled. He releases the nipple in his mouth, his cries rivaling those of his very pissed off sister. Once again, my blood is boiling under my skin. I can't do this. I said I could…but I can't. It's too much. I'm going to lose it.

"Mommy is going to go take a little break," I tell Sophia as I carry Timothy out of her bedroom, exiting quickly so I don't have to see the sadness in her eyes again.

I head straight for the nursery and place the baby back in his crib, where I know he'll be safe. Both kids are still screaming when I get to my own bedroom, the sounds piercing my ears and my soul. "I can't do this," I repeat over and over again as I try to get as far away from the cries as possible. I press my back up against the bathroom door once I am locked inside the small room, finally releasing a cry of my own. The tears fall hard and fast as I let out my frustration, quiet screams protruding from my covered mouth. My lips feel as if they are bruising beneath my hands in my effort to keep Sophia from hearing me.

I realize my efforts were all in vain a few minutes later, when I hear a soft knocking on the bathroom door. "Mommy? You crying, Mommy?" a sweet, little voice asks through the steel barrier between us, the doorknob rattling as my daughter tries to get to me.

I suck in a deep breath and wipe the tears from under my eyes before reaching back to unlock the door. "I can do this," I say with conviction, feeling better now that I got everything out of my system.

I close my eyes, continuing to breath deeply until I feel a hand on my shoulder. Blue eyes meet brown as a head of black curls peeks in from behind the door, Sophia's face full of concern. "Hi, Mommy," she whispers as her hand moves from my shoulder to my face, chubby fingers wiping the last remaining tear from my cheek. "I sorry I not behaving, Mommy. I wanna be a good girl now. I no want you to cry."

I look up into the sad, brown orbs that are staring at me and quickly pull my peanut into my arms. "Oh, sweetie….you are a good girl. You were just frustrated, like Mommy. It's okay to get upset about things, Sophia. And it's okay to cry about it. Crying makes you feel better sometimes," I say, speaking more for myself than the little girl before me.

Sophia doesn't look too convinced that everything is indeed okay, so I flash her a dimpled smile as I reach my fingers out to tickle her little belly. She squeals in delight, laughing wildly for a moment before throwing herself into my lap and hugging me tight.

This time, the smile on my face is anything but forced, the love of my little girl brightening my day. "How about this? How about we start over? Does that sound like a good idea, peanut?" I ask as I look down into her adoring eyes. Sophia nods, offering me a smile of her own. I move her off of my lap and stand up, taking her hand as we walk down the hallway. "Now, your brother needs to finish eating. So let's get something for you to do in the nursery while Mommy feeds him, okay?" Sophia nods, dropping my hand to run in the direction of the playroom. "Alright, let's try this again," I whisper as I enter Timothy's room, determined to make this day better.

The rest of the morning goes by pretty quickly, my more relaxed attitude apparently rubbing off on the kids. Timothy doesn't fuss quite as much when it comes to eating, and Sophia remains patient when waiting for my attention. It's really like we hit a reset button, the little meltdown we all had this morning long forgotten. I am in the middle of making Sophia and I lunch when the phone rings, the clock on the stove indicating it's Callie's lunchtime too.

"Hello," I say when I pick up the phone, smiling down at the little boy kicking and cooing in his bouncy seat.

"Hey babe," Callie says, happiness evident in her voice. "'Having a good day with the kids?"

I contemplate telling her about our rough start this morning, but decide against it. I need to retain my confidence, and telling my wife that I lost control and basically ran away from our children will not help me do that. Callie will ask all sorts of questions…worry about what's happening while she's not here. That's the last thing I need right now.

"Great. We're having a great day. A few bumps in the road, but nothing I couldn't handle," I say, the statement mostly true. A lump of guilt forms in my throat, but I quickly swallow it down and move on. "So…how's work going? Everyone glad to have you back, I presume."

"Yeah, the gang was happy to see me I guess," Callie answers, her tone losing its happiness. "So, how's my little angel? I miss him so much, Arizona. And, and Sophia? She doing okay?"

"We're good," I reply, glancing back down at Timmy, who has bounced himself right to sleep. "I'm trying not to ruin the mac and cheese. The baby just passed out in his bouncy seat. Sophia is playing dress up with Dorado again…against his will, I think. Everything is good." Callie laughs that beautiful laugh, and my heart is filled with love and longing. "We miss you though. I miss you very much," I whisper, tenderness in my voice.

"I miss you too, baby," Callie says, her voice cracking a bit. "Well, I'd better go get some lunch before my leg amputation this afternoon. "This guy was stuck out in the snow for almost two days…severe frostbite. Only way to control it is to remove the leg."

"Wow, that's terrible," I remark, thinking of the voyage my wife made during the blizzard a few weeks ago. "At least he has the best orthopedic surgeon in the world working on him. I can almost feel Callie smiling through the phone as she thanks me for the compliment.

"The surgery should take about three to four hours…then, I'll be heading home," Callie says after a moment of comfortable silence. "I love you, Arizona. Give those beautiful babies a kiss for me. Tell them their mama loves them very much."

"Will do," I whisper. "See you later, baby."

I hang up the phone and call Sophia in to have lunch, giving her and Timothy the promised kiss and letting them each know how much my wife misses and adores them. Sophia and I play tic-tac-toe over our macaroni and cheese, laughing every time Dorado comes to beg for another scrap. Timothy sleeps the whole time we are eating, giving Sophia and I some much needed time alone. "So, what are we going to do when we go play in the snow later?" I ask my daughter, wanting her to know I haven't forgotten my promise.

"Make a snowman, Mommy. I wanna make a great, big snowman with you," Sophia tells me, her big, brown eyes lighting up.

The afternoon goes by a bit more slowly, my desire to see my wife increasing with each passing hour. I decide to let Sophia watch a movie while I feed Timothy again, and am thankful that she is sound asleep on the couch when I return. For the first time all day, I am actually able to rest. I lay down on the other end of the couch with the sleeping baby on my chest, intending just to close my eyes for a while.

I am more than surprised to hear the front door creak, my eyes opening wide to find my beautiful wife staring down at me. I spring up, clutching to Timothy as I glance at the clock, shocked to see it is after five already. "Shhh….sorry I woke you," Callie whispers, placing a gentle kiss to my forehead before studying our little surprise, her hand placed over her heart when he lets out a heavy sigh. "Oh my goodness, little man," my wife cries as her eyes roam over our son's tiny body. She then notices Sophia asleep at the other end of the couch, only a little hand and a few curls sticking out from under our giant blanket. "Looks like everyone took a little nap together."

"Mmmm, guess so," I reply, trying to snap out of my groggy state. I pass Timmy to Callie, knowing she is just dying to get her hands on him. The baby notices the change, blue eyes opening up to brown for a second before he drifts back to sleep. "I, I didn't even realize I fell asleep. Or, or how late it was. I hope Sophia isn't up all night now."

Upon hearing her name, our peanut rolls over, pushing the blanket away from her face. "Mama," she croaks happily, her eyes fixed on Callie once she sees her. "You home, Mama."

"Yes, sweet girl. Mama is home," Callie says as she places Timothy back in my arms, quickly moving to where Sophia is resting. "I missed you today. Were you a good girl for Mommy?"

Sophia gives me an inquiring look, unsure how to answer her mama's question. "She was awesome," I say quickly, wanting to avoid rehashing this morning's debacle.

"I tell Mommy I sorry, and I no be a bad girl," Sophia announces, causing my wife to raise an eyebrow. I shrug my shoulders, as if I have no idea what Sophia's talking about. "I no want Mommy to cry anymore," Sophia whispers, burying her head into the couch cushion.

"Arizona…" Callie says, desperately trying to look me in the eye. I avoid making contact with those big, brown orbs, knowing it's all over once I do.

"What?" I ask as I get up and place Timothy in his bouncy seat, quickly making my way into the kitchen. "Come on, Sophia…let's get ready to go outside in the snow," I say once I finish my glass of water, hoping Callie will just let it drop.

"Arizona," she calls again, hands planted firmly on her hips. "Don't try and dance around this. Why were you crying, baby? Tell me what happened."

"Fine…I will," I huff as I pull the snow gear out of the hall closet. "As soon as we come in." Callie gives me that look, but I stop her before she can get even one more word out. "I promised her, Calliope. Please…just let me take our daughter out in the snow first. Please…"

"Okay," Callie breathes out after a moment, sighing in defeat. "But we are going to talk about this…whatever it is." Brown eyes meet blue, and despite everything-my reluctance to tell my wife what happened…the guilt I am still feeling over the whole situation…the tiny bit of doubt still lingering in my head-despite it all, I know she will understand. The unending love in her eyes tells me that…tells me everything is going to be okay.

I cross the room to where she is standing and place a lingering kiss on her cheek, inhaling her sweet, Callie scent. "Why don't you call and order us a pizza," I suggest, glancing back to where Timothy is sleeping. "Your little honey over there is going to be up soon, and I'm sure you'd rather spend some time with him than slave over a hot stove." Callie nods in agreement, a smile forming at the corner of her mouth. "We can have a nice, family dinner…put the kids to bed…and then, we can talk."

An hour later, Sophia and I are chilled to the bone…our snowman looking much more toasty than either one of us with his top hat and wool scarf wrapped around his neck. We shed our wet clothing and get into our pajamas just as the doorbell rings, signaling our pizza has arrived.

"I'll get it," I tell my wife when I see her start to move from her very comfortable position in the rocking chair. "I'll get everything set up, then we can switch. You can eat with Sophia while I feed the little man."

Callie shakes her head in agreement before looking back down at our beautiful boy, completely mesmerized with every little thing he does. I stand in the doorway and just watch her with him, still so in awe of her as a mother. Calliope Torres with a baby in her arms may possibly be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. But I usually say that about my wife, no matter what she is doing…holding our children, talking to a patient, making love to me. She is just gorgeous.

"You gonna go get that pizza or what, babe?" Callie whispers, chocolate orbs melting my soul when she catches me staring. Those big, brown eyes make their way from my face…to my chest…to my hips…to the place Callie and I both desperately need her to be. I feel my cheeks start to blush, a wave of heat running through my entire body as Callie continues to undress me with her eyes. I offer her a shy smile before heading down the hall, both my heart and my sex throbbing when I hear her say, "Five more weeks. I can wait five more weeks."

Once I've paid for our dinner, generously tipping the delivery guy who seems anything but pleased to be kept waiting so long, I grab some plates and serve us all a slice of pizza. I wolf down a few bites before going in to relieve my wife, reminding her that Sophia has already washed her hands. I can hear my two girls talking and laughing as I feed the baby, not another mention of the morning's ordeal.

"You like my nails, Mama?" Sophia asks. "Mommy paint them for me."

"I love your nails, peanut," Callie replies, oohing and aahing over the dark blue nail polish that adorns her own fingernails all the time.

Callie tells Sophia all about the daycare, being sure to let her know how much Zola and the other kids miss her. "You sure you don't wanna go to school at all, Sophia?" Callie asks, my heart stopping for a moment as I wait for Sophia to answer.

After Timothy was born, we thought it was best to let Sophia decide where she would spend her days. With the exception of her time with Mark or any days Callie has off completely, we have given her the option to stay home or go to daycare. I figured being here with me and the baby would get old, especially after the first few weeks. But every time she's been asked, she declines going to daycare.

And tonight is no exception. "Nuh uh," I hear her little voice protest. "Me no wanna go to school. Me wanna stay home with Mommy and baby Timmy."

"You got it, Soph. Just remember…it's okay if you want to go play with your friends," Callie says. "You let me or Mommy know if you change your mind."

"She won't," I say, coming up behind Sophia's chair and peppering her chubby cheek with kisses. "We have way too much fun. Right, munchkin?"

"Yup. I have lots and lots of fun with Mommy," Sophia says almost inaudibly, her mouthful of pizza making it hard to understand her.

Callie practically rips Timothy out of my arms, shoving a plate full of pizza in my direction. "Here…eat," she demands, her lips covering our son's white blonde hair. "Hello again, beautiful boy. Yes…yes, you are so beautiful. Just like your mommy."

Callie lifts her eyes to meet mine, causing me to blush yet again. I can't help but smile…which makes Callie smile…which makes Sophia smile. Sauce and cheese oozes out of her little mouth with her wide grin, causing everyone to laugh and smile some more. Even the baby looks like he is smiling…of course, most people would say it's just gas.

After dinner, we play a few rounds of hide and go seek before bedtime, hoping all the running will wear Sophia out. Between that and our hour spent outside earlier, she is surprisingly willing to go to bed, grabbing her bunny and calling Dorado as she skips towards her room. Callie reads to her in Spanish, a new tradition that began once the baby arrived. Callie says it's her way of connecting with Sophia…sharing something that only the two of them can share. Usually, Sophia begs her mama to keep reading so she can learn as many new words as possible. But tonight, she is just too tired…halfway through the third book, her little head flops down on the pillow. "Buenas noches, mi amor," Callie whispers as she kisses our beautiful girl goodnight.

"I love you, peanut," I say as I turn out the light, so glad to have her in my life.

Callie says she is going to take a quick shower while I nurse the baby, giving each of us a quick kiss on her way to the bathroom. "Don't even think about falling asleep on me, Arizona," she warns when I settle into our bed with Timothy. "We're still having that talk."

I grunt and roll my eyes, causing my wife to snicker triumphantly. In all honesty, I am glad she is forcing me to tell her what happened. The guilt of keeping it from her would have killed me…even though, nothing really happened.

I am very glad that Timothy seems to be just as tired as his sister, his weary body going limp in my arms halfway through my second breast. I put him down in the bassinet just as my wife emerges from the bathroom, slight disappointment on her face when she realizes the baby is asleep already.

Callie barely has time to get dressed before I start rambling, wanting to get this whole thing out of the way so I can spend some time with the woman I've been missing all day long. "So…so, this morning didn't really start out so well. I um…well, the kids were both…they were both very unhappy. And I…"

"Why?" Callie asks, cutting me off. I raise my eyebrows in confusion. "Why were they so unhappy?"

"Oh, oh…um, well the baby was hungry," I say, picking up where I left off. "He had just woken up and wanted to be nursed. Then Sophia woke up…she was screaming for me too and, and wasn't too thrilled that I couldn't give her my full attention. The more Timothy cried, the more upset Sophia got…and then we all, we all just kind of lost it."

"What do you mean…lost it?" Callie asks, genuine concern written all over her face.

"Sophia screamed like I've never heard her scream before," I tell my wife, her eyes widening. "She really scared the baby…and he, he stopped eating. Then he started screaming too…wailing almost. And I just…I couldn't take it anymore." Callie really looks nervous now, and I can tell she is anticipating what I'm about to say next. "So I put the baby in his crib…told Sophia I needed a break…and I, I locked myself in our bathroom and cried. That's what she was talking about, okay?"

"Oh, baby….I'm, I'm so sorry," Callie says, her tone laced with sympathy. "I'm sorry that your day started out so crappy. I'm sorry I wasn't here."

"Not your fault," I say truthfully, feeling ashamed of my behavior. I walk away from my wife, not wanting her to see the pain in my eyes. "None of it was your fault…or theirs. It was me. I was the one who couldn't handle it. I failed them," I whisper, tears burning the back of my eyes.

"Hey…hey, look at me," Callie says, taking my hands in hers. "You did not fail our children. You had a moment of weakness…lost your cool a little maybe. But you certainly did not fail anyone," she says, ducking down to meet my eyes. "What happened after you went into the bathroom and cried?"

"I um, I got myself together and went about the day," I say, knowing what she is trying to do. "It felt good…to cry. To let out that frustration. I told Sophia that when she came looking for me…that it was okay to have a meltdown every once in a while. Anyway, after that…after that, everything seemed better. I was calmer, and it…it seemed to make the kids feel calmer too. I meant it when I said we had a great day. Aside from that incident, it really was great."

"Exactly," Callie says proudly, holding my chin in her hand. "You didn't lock yourself in the bathroom and neglect the kids all day. You took a break…did what you had to do to. Then you went right back to being the amazing mother you are. You didn't fail, Arizona. You succeeded…much, much more than most people do."

I wipe the tears from my eyes and smile, looking deep into Callie's eyes. "You know, you keep telling me you're not perfect. But it's pretty hard to believe, especially when you always know just the right thing to say," I tease before leaning in to steal a kiss.

"Mmmm…I've been waiting for that all day," she whispers against my lips, her long eyelashes hitting my cheeks. "And I am far from perfect, baby. I'm just…experienced. I've been there…gone through exactly what you're going through. I've played the part of the tense, frustrated, exhausted new mom…stuck at home with a baby, feeling overwhelmed. Now it's my turn to play the other part…the tired, disappointed, and heartbroken mom, who desperately misses her wife and kids all day. Wanna trade?"

"Hmmm, let's see," I say, tapping my finger on my chin in contemplation. "No thanks."

Callie and I both laugh, finding comfort in one another's arms. Hugs quickly turn to loving caresses, which quickly turn to passionate touches. "Five more weeks, huh?" I whisper into my wife's neck before attaching my lips to the spot I know drives her wild.

"Uh huh," she moans into my hair, her hands wrapped firmly around my hips for a moment before she pushes herself off of me. "Five more weeks of torture."

I laugh, licking my lips before going back for more. We stand there, just kissing, until our little angel wakes up and demands our attention. "He's lucky he looks like you," Callie says as she leans over the bassinet, pride and joy beaming from her gorgeous eyes.

"Now you know how Sophia gets to me so easily," I say with a chuckle.

I climb into bed beside my wife, the two of us smiling down at our little miracle. This morning, I wasn't so sure I was going to make it through this day. But I did, and I am so glad I get to do it all over again tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be another day. Another day of trials and tribulations. Another day of failures and triumphs. Another day full of surprises. But it's another day. Another day with three beautiful, wonderful people…people who I love with all my heart. Another day with my family…and that is all that matters.

Chapter 3

Callie's POV:

I really dislike going to work these days. It's not that I don't love my job. I do. I love practicing medicine, performing surgery, and saving lives. I just don't love any of those things as much as I love my brand new baby boy. Being away from him for anywhere between eight and eighteen hours at a clip is awful, heartbreaking, almost unbearable.

Aside from missing Timothy, I also have to leave my wife…who, in some ways, is a mother for the first time again. Arizona is struggling somewhat with breastfeeding, but is too stubborn and determined to give up…even though I told her our baby would turn out just fine if he was bottle fed. Between producing all that milk and getting up every few hours to feed our little surprise, my wife is exhausted.

And then, there's Sophia. Arizona and I were pleasantly surprised when Timmy was born and she handled things so well. She was interested in her brother…loving, attentive, gentle. Our peanut did not appear to be jealous or upset in any way. That is, until I went back to work a few weeks ago. Once Sophia realized she wouldn't have at least one of her moms' attention all day long, her tune quickly changed. She pulls on my wife's heartstrings all day long, pleading for her to stop feeding the always hungry baby and just play with her. I think the emotional strain is starting to get to Arizona, but she wouldn't dream of sending Sophia to daycare while she is home.

And so from the moment I walk in the door, I have three very demanding people throwing themselves and all of their emotions on me, which often makes for a very draining evening. So yeah…I don't like going to work these days. And sometimes, coming home doesn't seem much better.

But this is what happens when your life changes…when you add a new tiny human to the mix. Things get crazy for a while. Everyone has to adjust. I just hope this adjustment doesn't take much longer because I want my perky wife and happy little girl back.

"Babe…hey, Arizona," I call to my wife when I open the front door, the unusually quiet home making me a bit nervous. I drop my purse and keys on the kitchen counter, meandering slowly down the hallway when I notice the light on in the nursery. "Are you guys in here?" I ask, pushing back the door to reveal the most beautiful scene…Arizona sound asleep in the rocking chair with Timothy on her chest, and Sophia sitting on the floor beside them looking at some books. "Hi, peanut," I whisper to the adorable little girl before me, gaining a huge smile and squeal of excitement.

"Mama…yay, you home," Sophia yells, despite my best efforts to keep her quiet. "Mommy…look." Sophia drops the book in her hand and comes running to me, her little arms reaching out for me to pick her up. I gladly do, peppering her face with as many kisses as I can get in before she wiggles out of my arms and runs over to Arizona. "Mommy…Mama's home."

"Mmmm…yes, sweetie. I see that," Arizona croaks out in her groggy state, sitting up in the chair to greet me with a beautiful, dimpled smile. "Hey there, gorgeous," she whispers as I make my way towards her and our son. "When did you get home?"

"Just now," I say as I lean in for a tender kiss, pulling back slightly to look in her eyes. "Mmmm, I missed you. How was your day with our munchkins?"

"It was really good actually," Arizona says as she passes me the sleeping bundle I can't wait to get my hands on. "Nursing was…well, the same as it has been. I've been pumping a lot though, and he seems to like the bottle. So that's good, I guess."

"And how was she?" I mumble in an effort to keep Sophia from overhearing me, crossing my fingers behind my back in hopes that our daughter was better behaved today.

"Sophia was a really, really good girl today, Mama," Arizona says loud and clear. "I've sort of hired her as my helper, right peanut?" Sophia whips her head in our direction, smiling proudly as she nods her little head. "She's been getting me diapers…throwing the dirty ones in the trash…washing bottles with me. She is the best helper ever."

"Thank you, Mommy," Sophia says as she continues to thumb through The Three Little Pigs. "I like to help Mommy, Mama. She give me candy if I do my job."

My eyes grow wide in disbelief and I whip my head in Arizona's direction. "Bribing her with candy, Mommy. Wow, you are desperate."

Arizona scoffs in mock offense as she sits down beside our peanut, glaring at me through her laughter. "I am not desperate, Callie. It works…so, so I'm going with it."

Just then, the doorbell rings and everyone grows very quiet. "Wonder who that could be," I say, although I know full well who it is.

"Daddy. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy," Sophia exclaims, dropping her book and running full force towards the front door. "I coming Daddy."

"I'll go get her stuff together," I tell my wife as I place our little boy in her arms, leaving him with a gentle kiss.

"Already packed, Cal," Arizona hollers before I even make it across the hall to Sophia's room. "It's on her dresser. Just have to grab her toothbrush out of the bathroom. Oh…and, and her bunny."

"Got it," I yell as I stuff the floppy, white rabbit into Sophia's pink backpack. I grab a piece of paper off of the kitchen counter and leave our peanut a little note. We love you so much. Have a great day with Daddy tomorrow. Sweet dreams. Love, Mama, Mommy, and Timmy xoxo

"Hey, Cal," Mark says as he pets Dorado, the dog's tail wagging incessantly.

"Hey," I reply, holding out Sophia's bag for him. "There's something special in the front pocket. So, what are your plans for tomorrow?"

"Um, let's see. We're gonna sleep really late, right Soph?" Sophia and I both laugh, knowing that's not gonna happen. "Then we're going to the aquarium with Uncle Derek and Zola," Mark announces, our daughter's eyes growing wide with excitement. "I thought you'd like that, kiddo."

"Yay! Me love the fishies, Daddy," Sophia squeals, running around in circles.

"What's gotten into her?" I hear my wife ask as she comes to join us, our son sleeping soundly in her arms.

"She's excited because she's going to see the fishies with Zola tomorrow," I inform Arizona. I grab Sophia as she makes another loop around us, throwing her over my shoulder to tickle her before giving her a hug and kiss goodbye.

I then take Timothy from Arizona, lowering him down in front of Sophia. She kisses the top of his head, whispering goodnight to her brother. Our daughter then heads over to her mommy, jumping into Arizona's arms and hugging her tight. "I see you tomorrow night, Mommy," Sophia says in between hugs and kisses.

"Promise?" Arizona asks, blue eyes staring into the big, brown ones before her. Sophia nods her little head, giving her mommy one last hug before running back to Mark.

"Okay, ladies…enjoy your evening. We will see you tomorrow…probably around four or so. I think I'm on at five," Mark says as he opens the door. "Ready to rock and roll, kiddo?"

Sophia nods once more, waving goodbye before taking her daddy's hand and heading down the driveway. "Love you, baby girl," I yell before they are out of sight, letting out a deep sigh when I close the front door a moment later. "You think we'd be used to this by now…her being away from us a few nights a week. But it still sucks to watch her go," I say, my lips plumping up to form a pout.

Timothy is starting to squirm in my arms, indicating he is ready for his supper. "I know, babe. I miss her already," Arizona says as she settles into the couch, lifting her shirt up to unclasp her bra. "But we still have this little man to love. Yes, you are very loveable…aren't you, Timothy?"

I sit beside my wife as she nurses our son, watching her in awe as I always do. "What?" she asks when my eyes move up from her breasts to her face, a loving smile fixed on my mouth.

"I'm sure you're probably sick of hearing this, but you look so beautiful when you feed him," I say sincerely, my heart skipping a beat when I see my wife's cheeks turn pink. "I mean it, Arizona. There's something about you nursing him that is just so, so…"

"I know, baby," Arizona whispers, using her free hand to grab mine. "How many times did you catch me staring at you with Sophia? I'm sure you lost count." We both giggle at the truth in that statement, and I can't help but smile as I think back on those days. "I just couldn't keep my eyes off of you," Arizona says after a moment, blue eyes penetrating my soul. "I still cant…"

I feel a lump forming in my throat, warm blood running through my veins. Arizona's eyes are roaming over my entire body and before long, liquid is pooling between my thighs. It has been over six weeks since I've made love to my wife…felt her bare flesh on mine…touched her, tasted her. New Year's Eve we got carried away for a bit, our little make out session by the fire leaving me hot and bothered for days. Since then, I've tried to keep a safe distance. For as horny as my wife was during pregnancy, I think I am ten times worse off now. It's like she transferred those raging hormones to me somehow. Or maybe I'm just in love with this beautiful, sexy woman…a woman I'm supposed to keep my hands off for another two weeks, desire slowly killing me.

My palms are sweating when I snap out of my sexual daze, lifting my eyes from the exposed breasts I want to worship as I quickly moving off of the couch. "I-I…I um, I-I-I'm gonna go see what I can fix us for dinner," I stammer, knocking Arizona's book off the coffee table when I spin around recklessly in an attempt to get as far away from temptation as possible.

"Everything okay, Calliope?" Arizona asks with a laugh, her eyes flirting with mine. She knows exactly why I'm running away from her…why I can't stand to be so close. But she tortures me anyway, licking her lips seductively as she follows me into the kitchen.

Timothy is happily fed, so Arizona places him in the bouncy seat and sits down at the counter, her shirt still purposely unbuttoned. My eyes naturally trail down her smooth, white neck to the swell of her breasts, her cleavage taunting me. "That's just…that's just mean," I say after a moment of staring, turning away from her again to rummage through the fridge. "How about this casserole Teddy brought over for us?" I ask, gaining nothing but a seductive look.

I glance over at Timothy, who has fallen asleep in the bouncy seat. "Damn it…can't use the baby to stop her now," I mumble to myself, smiling broadly at my wife when she raises her eyebrows. I continue to search for food, hoping Arizona is hungry. "Um, let's see…we could have the leftover lasagna from last night," I suggest, another huge, fake grin plastered on my face.

Arizona comes up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist, her lips attaching to my neck. "I know what I want to eat," she whispers in my ear, flicking her tongue against the lobe.

"Arizona…" I moan, my heart rate increasing as she digs her fingertips into my hips, pulling my body back into hers. "Why are you doing this to me?" I whimper, wetness seeping through my panties. "When you were pregnant, I-I gave in to your every whim…I did everything you wanted me to do."

"I know…and believe me, I will be eternally grateful," she breathes into my neck before sinking her teeth in, lightly nipping the tender skin. "I'm just trying to repay the favor," she says as she slides a hand down my backside, dipping into my jeans to grab my ass.

Once again, the temperature is rising within my body. I don't know how much more of this I can take. "But, but Dr. Peterman said you need to wait until you're eight weeks postpartum," I choke out, squeezing my eyes shut tight as I try to erase all the dirty images from my mind.

Arizona continues to knead the tender flesh in her hand, fingers inching closer and closer to the place that is throbbing for her. "I know what Dr. Peterman said, Callie," she whispers, tugging on my hair until I look back at her. "I know I can't have sex just yet, but that has nothing to do with you."

I grab her hand, pulling it out of my jeans as I turn to face her. "It has everything to do with me," I say quite seriously, brown eyes meeting blue. "I want you…I want to make love to you," I tell her, taking her hand in mine. "I can wait another thirteen days, baby…really, I can."

"I know you can…but why should you?" Arizona asks as she moves towards me, pushing my back up against the refrigerator. She leans in so close to me, her lips hovering over mine. "Why should I?" she whispers after a moment of just staring into my eyes, pure lust darkening her baby blues. "I want you too, Calliope. And I can have you. Right here…right now. That is…if you let me."

Of course, I want to let her…but it seems so unfair. Since the birth of our son, we've been longing for one another…wanting so badly to be intimate. "I want to make love to my wife," I say after a moment of contemplation, swallowing the lump in my throat. "I want to be inside of you…feel your naked body on top of me…take you to heaven and back."

Now Arizona is the one swallowing a lump, her eyes locked with mine as she takes in my words. "I want that too…believe me. I just thought…never mind," she whispers, pushing off of me quickly and walking into the living room.

"Arizona…wait," I yell after her, taking a deep breath as I follow her. Her back is toward me, but I can see her buttoning up her shirt as she releases a heavy sigh. "Baby, please…I, I didn't mean to upset you. I love you."

"I love you too," she says as she turns to face me, her beautiful eyes clouded with unshed tears. "I understand your reasons for wanting to wait."

"You do? Then why do you look so sad?" I ask, tentatively reaching out a hand to stroke her arm.

Arizona leans into my touch, her own arms stretched out for me. I quickly pull her into an embrace, kissing the top of her head when she buries it into my chest. "You gonna tell me what's going on in there?" I whisper, tapping my finger against her temple.

She looks up into my eyes, my heart breaking when I see her tear-stained cheeks. I reach down to wipe them, my lips tracing the path of my fingers once I am through. I can feel my wife smiling against my lips, her eyes regaining some of their sparkle when she pulls back to look at me. "I'm sorry, Callie. I know I've been kind of an emotional wreck since you went back to work. It's, it's just…this is hard. Being home all day…taking care of the kids…nursing the baby. I thought it would be easier for me, but it's not. Turns out I'm just like every other new mom," she says with a laugh, causing me to smile.

I weave my fingers through hers, giving them a gentle squeeze when I see her struggling to continue. "It's okay, babe. You can tell me how you're feeling. I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to love you…support you."

Arizona sucks in a deep breath, tightening her grip on my hands. "I miss you," she says, so low I can barely hear her. "When you're at work all day…I, I miss you so much." I open my mouth to speak, but she continues to ramble in true Arizona fashion. "And not just because I'm alone with the kids and it would be nice to have some company. I have company. Teddy is here every week on her day off…and, and you come home for lunch when you can. And I know I get to see you every night, and on the days that you're off. But it's, it's not the same. We're not the same anymore."

"Arizona…we are the same," I manage to get out before she can keep going. "Our life is different now…yes. But we are the same. You and I are still the same two people, in love with one another. At least, I'm still in love with you," I tease.

"Of course I'm still in love with you, Calliope," she yells, pulling us back into the kitchen when her voice startles Timothy. "I'm still so madly and completely in love with you," she whispers this time, glancing behind us to make sure the baby is still sleeping. "That's the problem. All I want is you. I want to be the one laughing with you in the cafeteria. I want to be the one you snuggle with at night…the one who gets to lay on your chest. And I, I want you to be the one waking me up in the middle of the night, begging me to make love to you…begging me to make you come so hard. I want you…all the time. And sometimes, it…it just feels like I am never going to have you again."

My heart is racing in my chest, the shock of my wife's admission knocking the wind out of me. I just stand there in silence, unable to speak…to move…to do anything besides feel her words, over and over again.

"Are you still bleeding?" I whisper when Arizona's eyes fill with tears again, her head hung in shame as if I don't care…as if she just poured her heart out for nothing. Now she is the one who is silent, jaw dropped and brow furrowed in confusion. "I said, are you still bleeding?" I ask, loud and clear this time.

"Um, n-no…no, I'm not," she replies, blue eyes penetrating my soul when they finally look into mine again. "It stopped about…about a week ago, I guess."

"And do you feel okay? You know…do you feel healed enough?" I ask as I step closer to the woman I love. Arizona simply nods, her eyes growing dark with desire. "Then please…please make love to me, baby," I beg as I wrap my arms around her, my lips almost touching hers. "I want to feel you inside of me. I want to come with you. Please…"

Her lips come crashing down upon mine, love and desire radiating from deep inside our souls. Soft, tender kisses soon turn into hard, passionate ones. I run my tongue over her bottom lip, sucking the tender flesh into my mouth to taste her. Arizona moans and pulls me in even closer, parting her lips and thrusting her warm tongue deep inside my mouth. We stand there, tongues battling for dominance, as each of us tries to express our love in the form of desperate kisses. "Are you sure?" she asks when we break for air, a hint of insecurity in her tone.

I slowly nod, biting my bottom lip as my eyes roam over her beautiful body. "Mmm hmm…I've never been more sure of anything," I tell her truthfully, needing to show her that I've been feeling exactly the same way she's been…that I've been desperately missing her too. "You think he'll be alright out here for a while?" I ask, gesturing to our sleeping angel in his little, blue seat.

Arizona runs over to the front door, checking to be sure it is locked. "Dorado…come here, boy," she calls to our beloved dog, who gladly trots in with his tail wagging. "Stay here with Timmy," Arizona says, motioning for the dog to lay down beside the baby. "He'll let us know if our little surprise wakes up," she assures me.

I double check that all the doors are locked, the worries of a mother never far from my mind. Once I am sure our little guy is safe and sound in our house, I take my wife's hand and lead her to our bedroom. I turn back a few times to gaze into those bright, blue eyes. Each time, I am met with a shy, dimpled smile…the smile that melts my heart.

When we finally arrive at our bedroom door, I push my wife up against it, smothering her with a heated kiss while my hands weave through her hair. Arizona reaches back to turn the doorknob, but I quickly grab her hand and lift it above her head. I then find the other one and do the same, pinning both of her arms up against the door before attaching my lips to hers again. "Cal…Cal, Callie. Please," Arizona breathes out, sapphire eyes growing dark with lust. She manages to break free from my grasp, one hand pulling my body into hers while the other grabs my hair. "Please, baby…I need you," she whispers against my lips, sending a rush of liquid through my core.

"I thought you wanted me to be the one begging," I tease as I work a hand underneath her shirt, covering her swollen breasts. When I feel the nursing pad under her bra, I pull my hand away suddenly, feeling a bit embarrassed for touching her there. "Sorry…forgot that these aren't mine right now," I whisper as the blush rises in my cheeks, my eyes lowered to avoid my wife's gaze.

Arizona inhales sharply, lifting my chin until brown eyes meet blue. "These are always yours," she says as she places my hand back over her breast, a hardened nipple meeting my thumb. "I am always yours."

I can't resist the urge to see more of her, so I rip her shirt over her head and throw it down on the floor. My eyes roam over every inch of exposed skin, my lips following them to taste this delicious woman. I know I can't do any more with her breasts, so I slide her bra straps over just enough to lick a trail from shoulders…to her neck…down to her cleavage, kissing every piece of her left uncovered.

"God, you are so beautiful," I whisper as I kneel down before her, unbuttoning her pants and slowly sliding them down her legs. I kiss the inside of her thigh, lightly at first, until Arizona's grip on my hair tightens, indicating she wants more. I then suck on this tender flesh, my favorite part of her gorgeous legs now between my lips and teeth. I continue to nip at her thigh, one hand grabbing her ass while the other dips down into her panties.

Arizona's knees begin to buckle when I bite down harder, the sensation causing her juices to flow over my fingers. "Please…let me make love to you now," I beg as I work my way back up her body, stopping here and there to leave my mark on the woman I love.

"Not yet," she replies as she opens our bedroom door, taking my hand to lead me to our bed. "My turn now," she says, pushing me roughly onto the mattress. Arizona doesn't waste a minute ridding me of my clothing, her soft hands grabbing the hem of my shirt. She inches the fabric up, kissing every piece of skin as it becomes exposed. She quickly unclasps my bra and yanks it off of me, her fingers working over the erect buds.

"Mmmm…you feel so good," I whimper when her lips hit my chest, her smooth tongue traveling from nipple to nipple.

"And you taste so good," Arizona moans, moving her tongue from my breasts to my mouth, leaving me with a searing kiss. My lips are bruised when a lack of oxygen causes us to break apart, but my loving wife erases any pain with a series of soft, tender kisses.

Again, my lungs feel like they are collapsing…but this time, it's only because she takes my breath away. Each kiss is sweeter and filled with more love, and I wonder how I've survived the past six weeks without this. "I've been dreaming of doing this for weeks now," Arizona tells me, her words mirroring my thoughts. She pulls back to look in my eyes, baby blues piercing my soul. "I meant what I said earlier…you are all I want, Calliope," she whispers, the sincerity in her voice making my heart skip a beat.

With that, I can take no more…I finish the job of undressing, hastily removing my jeans and panties. Arizona follows suit, removing the pink boy shorts that have been driving me wild since we first started out in the hallway. I can feel my cheeks turning pink once more as she looks over my bare form, love radiating from her eyes. "Now?" I ask, hoping that she is ready to become one with me. "Now…please, please make love to me now."

She doesn't answer, but the way she is looking at me, I can tell she is just as ready as I am. Arizona's eyes are filled with tears as I pull her down upon me, our bodies pressed as closely together as possible. I roll our joined figures until we are side by side…hip to hip…face to face. My lips seek out her beautiful, porcelain skin, moving from her cheeks to her neck. I feel warm tears hit my cheeks, my own eyes burning with emotion.

I stop kissing her for a moment, brown eyes reflected in blue to be sure everything is alright. "I'm fine, Calliope," she says as if reading my mind. "I'm more than fine. I'm happy…so very happy, and so very in love."

I let my own tears falls and mingle with hers as my hands make their descent down her perfect body. With every touch, my wife pulls me in closer, fingertips digging into my back…my ass…my hips. I part my legs and slide a knee between her thighs, liquid coating my skin. We start a slow and steady rhythm, our throbbing cores grazing one another as we rock back and forth. An involuntary gasp leaves my mouth when I feel her pulsing clit rub against my own, further moans stifled by a passionate kiss. "I. Love You. Arizona," I manage to choke out as her fingers thrust in and out of me. "Come with me, baby," I say as I spread her legs a bit more, my fingers finally meeting her slick folds.

I push one finger inside of her, circling her tender flesh very cautiously. Fear of hurting her creeps back in, but my hesitation only lasts until she grabs my hand and shoves that finger deep inside of herself. "More…more, please. I want more of you, Calliope," my wife begs, the combination of her pleading voice and the look in her eyes sending a shiver down my spine.

I pull my finger out of her, the loss of contact causing her to whimper and moan. That moan quickly turns to one of pleasure when I add a second finger, pushing so deep inside of her. I can feel Arizona's walls trembling around my knuckles as fingertips reach the spot that only I know about…the spot that feels so good to touch. My own orgasm is building at the same time, sweat dripping between our shaking bodies. "Come for me, Arizona," I breathe into her ear before sinking my teeth down into her shoulder, my free hand holding her tight against my body. "Come with me, baby."

Arizona looks deep into my eyes as she comes, flicking her thumb over my clit one last time to bring me to ecstasy with her. My eyes close on instinct, the sheer pleasure this woman is bringing me causing the whole world to go black for a moment. But I need to see her…need to see those amazing, blue eyes staring back at me. So I force my eyes to open, the intensity of my orgasm growing as I gaze deep into her soul…into my everything, my life, my whole world. "I love you, Calliope," she whispers softly against my lips, her eyes never breaking contact with mine.

Arizona's lips dance over my mouth for some time, our bodies still joined as neither one of us wants to let go. Tender, loving kisses are shared long after our lovemaking is over, light and dark legs wrapped around each other under paisley sheets. Arizona lays her head down on my chest, listening intently to the heart that beats only for her. And I just can't stop staring into those eyes, wondering how on earth I lived without making love to her for this long…wondering how on earth I lived at all without her in my life.

"I miss you too," I choke out, a lump suddenly forming in my throat again. "All day long…I think about you all day long, Arizona. And I don't just mean about how you're doing with the kids. I mean, I think about you…my wife, the woman I fell in love with. I think about those dimples…the indescribable color of your eyes…the way you feel in my arms."

I can tell my words have hit home by the way she looks at me, confirmation coming quickly in the form of the most passionate kiss I think I've ever felt. Laying her head down on my chest again, my wife whispers, "I just want to stay here forever."

I kiss the top of her head, inhaling that intoxicating Arizona smell as a small chuckle escapes my mouth. Arizona pushes herself up to rest on an elbow, her eyes playfully questioning me. "What?" she asks, giggling a bit herself.

"I'd like to stay here forever too," I tell her, so much truth in that statement, despite the fact that I am laughing. "It's just…we have a dog watching our newborn baby."

Neither one of us can stop the laughter then, our bodies shaking together under the covers. "Yeah, I guess we should get back to our little man," Arizona agrees, leaving me with one last kiss before she gets out of bed. "Remind me to thank him for taking such a long nap," she says, flashing me a beautiful, dimpled smile. I lay in bed as my wife gets into her pajamas, unable to keep my eyes off of her. "You coming, Callie?" she asks as she stands in the doorway, the sound of our baby boy crying finally breaking me out of my daze.

The rest of our evening goes by much like most other evenings do. Arizona nourishes our little surprise, filling his tiny belly with her milk while I fill his tiny ears with his favorite lullaby. Once Timothy is tucked safely into his crib, my wife and I finally nourish our own bodies with Teddy's casserole. We straighten up the house…fold little onesies and pink tights…settle in on the couch to watch some TV.

Yes, tonight is just like every other night….except that something is different. Tonight…Arizona and I can't stop looking at one another, or touching one another, or kissing one another. Tonight…we are really and truly together- body, mind, and soul. Tonight…we don't have to miss each other anymore.

Chapter 4

Arizona's POV:

I am a little surprised to wake up this morning to nothing. No beautiful woman beside me…no baby boy in the bassinet…no loud noises from an energetic toddler. Nothing. There is nothing but peace and quiet. I roll over and look at the clock, my eyes bulging out of my head when I see that it is after ten. I spring up out of bed, sliding my cold feet into Callie's fuzzy, black slippers before shuffling down the hallway in search of my family.

I round the corner into the kitchen, expecting to find my peanut standing on her pink stool, cooking breakfast with her mama. I expect to find my little man happily bouncing away in his seat, cooing at the raven-haired beauty who owns his heart. I expect to find my wife in her apron, swaying to music as she flips pancakes, her gorgeous smile lighting up the room. But again, I find nothing. The house is empty…silent…cold.

I walk over to the thermostat, adjusting the temperature until I hear the heat kick on. This has been a brutal winter so far, and there doesn't appear to be an end in sight. We've have two blizzards already, and more snow than I can remember seeing since my dad was stationed in South Dakota. I pull back the kitchen curtain to see small, white flakes floating through the air. The February wind is whistling as it blows through the trees, its sound the only thing letting me know this isn't just a dream.

My mind wanders back to the time when I was a child, living on the base in South Dakota. My brother and I would head out with our sleds as soon as the sun came up, spending our entire day sliding down steep hills outside Fort Ellsworth. Tim would tease me incessantly every time we went out in the cold, my nose always turning as red as Santa's famous reindeer's. "Come on, Rudolph," he would say once I started to shiver. "Let's go in and have some of Mom's chicken soup." And my mother would be there at the front door, waiting for us to come home, a pot of homemade soup bubbling on the stove. I can't help but smile as I recollect those carefree days. Days spent with the best friend I ever had growing up…the best friend I lost way too soon…the best friend I thought I'd never find again, until I met my wife.

I snap out of my reverie when Callie's face appears behind my lids, the desire to see her overwhelming as I stand in our big, empty kitchen all alone. A loud bang on the sliding glass door suddenly startles me, causing me to jump back in fright. "You scared me, buddy," I say once I move towards the door, a ball of yellow fur waiting anxiously to be let in from the cold. "Mama forget to let you in before she went out with the kids?" Dorado doesn't answer, but quickly slides past me, wagging his tail happily once inside the warm house. "Where did everyone go, huh?" I ask my four-legged friend as I kneel down to dry his damp coat, half expecting an answer. But he just keeps on wagging that tail, his cold nose buried into my side as he wraps a paw around my leg. "Oh, I love you too. Yes…yes I do."

After giving the dog some much deserved attention, I make my way back into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. That's when I see it…the note. Propped up right next to my mug, there is a little sheet of folded paper with my name on it. I smile at the sesame street and hello kitty stickers on the inside, crayon marks of every color scribbled over my wife's handwriting. Good morning, Mommy. Hope you slept well. We went to pick up a little surprise for you. Be back soon. Love you xoxo.

I read the note over again, wondering what on earth this surprise could be. Whatever it is, it is unnecessary. Letting me sleep until after ten a.m. is a gift in itself. I take my cup of coffee and move to the living room, lighting the fire before sitting down on the couch and wrapping myself in our big, cozy blanket. Mmmm, it smells like Callie…that delicious, exotic smell that only my delicious, exotic wife gives off. I miss her.

Since the night we first made love again three weeks ago, every night has been filled with love. Sometimes we just sit and hold one another, too tired for more but still craving some form of physical connection. And sometimes we put the kids to bed and race to the bedroom, tearing one another's clothes off in a frenzy, wanting to make sure there is enough time to worship one another properly. My wife seems to want me the way I wanted her during pregnancy…and believe me, I am not complaining. The fear of losing my overactive sex drive once I gave birth is far from my mind now, Callie's raging hormones keeping our fire burning strong.

The fire. The fire crackles, snapping me out of my daydream once again. Perhaps I got too much sleep, my foggy mind an inferno of thoughts and memories as I sit alone before the blazing flames. Or perhaps I am just not used to being by myself, the vivid pictures running behind my eyes finally able to surface without the hustle and bustle of life with children.

Children. Something I once thought I would never have…something I once thought I never wanted. God, how lucky I am that Calliope Torres came into my life and changed everything. I can't remember my life without Sophia in it, and now I can't picture my life without Timothy. They are my pride and joy…worth all the fear, and pain, and heartache that comes with being a mother.

Once again, I find myself reflecting on my life, not knowing what else to do without the three people who make it up surrounding me. When I hear the key turning in the front door, I smile broadly. "They're home," I whisper, looking down at the sweet dog whose head is resting on my lap.

"If I know my girl, she's probably still sleeping," a familiar voice resonates from outside the front door, causing me to leap up and run in its direction.

"Mom? Mom…is that really you?" I ask as I pull the doorknob towards me, effectively throwing the door open wide. "Mom…oh my God," I exclaim, catching my wife's smiling eyes as she stands behind my mother. "I-I can't believe you're here. This is more than just a little surprise, Cal."

"I know, but I didn't want to give it away," my wife says with a smirk as she nudges my mom with her elbow, the two of them breaking out in laughter.

It all feels like some strange dream. My mother standing on the other side of the front door, looking just the same as she did when I was a little girl, only with a bit more gray.

"Mommy…you okay, Mommy?" Sophia asks as she wedges her way into the house, practically pushing her mama out of the way to get to me.

"I'm great, sweetie," I reply, a genuine smile taking over my face. "Just really, really surprised to see Grandma. And really, really happy too," I say as I glance over at my mom, who is snuggling with the grandson she has obviously been missing.

My mother smiles…that famous Robbins' dimpled smile, her eyes meeting mine for a moment before she looks down at Timothy. "He looks just like your brother did," she whispers as she comes to stand beside me. I swallow the lump in my throat, blinking back the tears that are inevitable when it comes to my son and his namesake. I can see my mother trying desperately to fight her own tears, but emotion wins out and she lets a few fall. "I'm sorry. I promise I won't be like this the whole time I'm here," she says as she passes me the tiny bundle in her arms. "Or I'll at least save it for when you two are out."

I have my lips pressed to Timothy's forehead as I listen to my mother's words, confusion taking a moment to set in. "Huh? When we are out? What are you talking about, Mom?"

"Well dear…I told your wonderful wife here, that I would like some time with my grandchildren," she says, opening her arms wide for Sophia. My eyebrows raise once again, but my mother continues before I can even inquire. "Alone. I would like some time alone with my grandchildren. Your f-father isn't here this time…or, or Callie's family. I can finally have the kids all to myself."

I open my mouth to argue, unsure of leaving the baby at such a young age. But a hand on my shoulder stops me from speaking, the pair of brown eyes I am met with pleading me just to listen. "Come on, babe. You've been cooped up in this house for more than a few months now. It will be good for you to get out. Good for us," Callie says as she takes my free hand in hers. "We can have a whole night out…just the two of us. And we'll have the best babysitter in the world. I know she's the only person you would trust to watch our little man."

Callie is right. We could really use a date night. And it is my mother who will be watching the kids. And I do trust her more than anyone. "Okay," I say, a dimpled smile of my own beginning to form. "If you're sure you don't mind…"

"Mind? Why do you think I came here, Arizona?" my mother says with a laugh. "Your father is a fishing trip with his marine buddies…and I, I didn't want to spend the week alone. I figured if I came, it could be good for everyone."

"Having you here, with or without babysitting, is always good," I tell her sincerely as I wrap my arms around her. "It's so good to see you, Mom."

"It's good to see you too, baby," she whispers, placing a tender kiss to my cheek before scooping Sophia up into her arms again. "Come on, little lady. Let's go get the soup started."

"Soup?" I ask as I glance over at my wife, who just shrugs her shoulders.

"Yes, dear. I had Callie stop at the grocery store to pick up all the ingredients," my mother tells me. "Figured you could use a little chicken soup on this cold, winter's day."

Once again, my mind wanders back to our home in South Dakota…the heaping snow piled outside our door everyday that winter…my brother…my mom, standing at the door with her pot of chicken soup. It is all so surreal. But she really is here, making the same chicken soup in our kitchen with my daughter.

"I think someone else is getting hungry," Callie says as she wraps her arms around me and our son, breaking me from my latest reverie. I look down at the little version of myself…the mini replica of my brother. "I gave him the bottle you pumped last night at the airport," my wife informs me. "But I think he's looking for the real deal. I know I would be, if I were him," she whispers in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.

"Well, maybe I can give you the real deal tonight…on our date," I husk in her ear when I turn to face her, loving the lusty look I receive in return. "Feed all of your desires…."

I watch Callie swallow hard, her cheeks turning a bit red when she notices my mother staring at us. "Okay…so, you should go feed Timmy now," Callie says loudly, moving away from the kitchen to avoid eye contact with her mother in law. "Come on, Dorado. Let's go for a walk while we have the chance."

"Need to cool off a bit, Calliope?" I tease as she walks past me, leash in hand.

My mom just chuckles to herself, turning back to the bubbling pot on the stove. "There you go, sweetie. Keep stirring, just like that," she instructs Sophia, who is just thrilled to be cooking with her grandma.

I take my little man into the nursery and feed him until he is content. Although it was difficult in the beginning, I think we are finally getting this nursing thing down. Every once in a while, my sweet baby boy looks up at me, bright blue eyes studying my face. "Hello there, my little surprise," I whisper to the angel in my arms, my heart filling with so much joy when he smiles under my breast. "You're going to be just fine with Grandma later," I tell him, reassuring myself in the process. "And I'm going to take your mama out on a date. You're not the only one in love with her, you know."

Just then, the partially closed door creaks open and a head of black curls pops into the room. "Soup ready, Mommy," Sophia says, her mama's smile gracing her beautiful, little face. "Gramma say come eat now."

"Okay, sweetheart. Mommy's just gonna burp your brother and I'll be right there," I tell my little girl, smiling brightly. "Why don't you go help Grandma set the table?"

Sophia's little mouth opens wide with excitement, and it only takes a second for her to go running back out to the kitchen. I giggle as I listen to the pitter patter of her tiny feet, followed by the familiar sound of our dog scrambling down the hallway after her. "Guess Mama's back from her walk," I whisper in my son's ear as I gently pat his back.

"Yes, I am," Callie says suddenly from her stance outside the nursery, catching me off guard. I tense up a bit, sucking in a startled breath until the wonderful sound of my wife's laughter fills the air. "Did I scare you, Arizona?" she teases.

I walk towards her as she enters the room and give her a playful swat to the arm, followed by a slow and tender kiss. "Thank you," I say as I peer into the pair of adoring eyes looking down at our baby.

"For what? For scaring you like that?" Callie jokes as she motions for me to pass her our little boy. "Can you believe your Mommy is thanking me, little man?" she says to Timothy as she rubs her nose against his, causing him to coo and smile up at her. "Oh my God, Arizona…look at him."

I run my fingers through the blonde hair atop our son's head, gaining a smile of my own when he cranes his neck to look at me. "Hello handsome," I sing into the space over Timmy's head as I continue to stroke his baby fine hair, eliciting another round of coos and sweet gurgles. Callie just stares at us, happiness displayed on her gorgeous face. "I was thanking you for bringing me my mom, by the way," I say after a moment of beautiful silence, the two of us just adoring our baby boy.

"I know," she states simply. "But you should really be thanking her. She's the one who came up with the idea."

"So…what? She just called and said she wanted to come visit, and you guys planned the whole thing?" I inquire, still so unsure of how this surprise visit came about. "I mean, she said my dad was fishing. Which I totally believe. I mean, the man loves to fish with his marine pals. But those trips are planned like six months in advance. Have you known about this for that long?"

Callie's brow is furrowed as she appears deep in thought, something clearly not adding up right in her head. I continue to glare at her, waiting for answer, until she finally snaps out of her daze and begins verbalizing her thought process. "Um, well…let's see. Your mom called a couple days ago…asked if we would like some company…said your dad was going away unexpectedly."

"Unexpectedly?" I repeat, my face contorted in confusion. "My father is so not the spontaneous kind of guy. Like I said, those trips are planned months in advance. Hmmm…"

"Does it really matter?" Callie asks. "Point is…she's here. And that's a good thing, isn't it? I mean, you looked awfully happy to see your mom."

"Of course I'm happy to see her," I say, rolling my eyes as I continue to glance back and forth between my wife and son. "It's probably nothing. Just me…being silly."

"Girls…come on. Soup's on," my mother yells down the hallway, Sophia trying to repeat her every word only a few seconds later.

"Guess we'd better go have this famous chicken soup," Callie says, taking my hand and leading me out of the nursery. "Smells delicious."

And of course, Mom's version of the Robbins' tradition is simply perfect. Exactly how I remember it as a kid, the wonderful aroma and insatiable warmth provided by this classic recipe filling me with a sense of comfort and nostalgia.

"This is amazing, Barbara," Callie says after a few spoonfuls of the soup. "Just what I needed after that brisk walk with Dorado. I grew up in Miami…we don't do cold."

We all laugh, smiling faces on the three girls sitting around the kitchen table. Sophia is just so happy to have her grandma here, sitting as close as humanely possible to my mother in her booster seat. Timothy, as usual, falls asleep bopping away in his little, blue seat.

"Mmmm…you call Dad?" I ask my mother, in between slurps of yummy chicken broth.

Her spoon is to her mouth when I ask this typical question, and she practically drops it into the bowl, her jaw plummeting. She freezes…looks away from me…fidgets nervously in her seat. "Why…why would I be calling your father?" she says, her cheeks turning red instantaneously. "I told you, Arizona…he's fishing."

"I know, Mom," I say, dipping my head to try and get her to make eye contact with me again. "He must have his cell phone though. I'm sure he'd want to know you made it to Seattle okay."

"Didn't you call him at the airport?" Callie pipes up suddenly, causing my mother's head to whip in her direction. "I just…I saw you on your cell phone at the terminal. Figured you were letting Daniel know the plane landed."

"Oh, oh um…right. You're right. I was trying to call him then," my mother fumbles, still avoiding anyone's eyes. "Got his voicemail. I'm sure he got the message by now. He'll call me when he needs me."

Finally, my mother looks in my eyes, daggers telling me not to press the issue. Something doesn't seem quite right to me though, and I make a mental note to sit down and talk to her alone later. "So…where are you two gonna go on your big date later tonight?" Mom asks, changing the subject entirely and diving back into her steaming bowl of soup…something else I clearly remember from my childhood.

Things would happen sometimes. Timothy and I were just kids…no one thought we understood as much as we did. My mother turned a blind eye…swept everything under the rug…maintained her position as the good man in a storm. But other people started to see it. Things couldn't go on unnoticed forever. Excuses weren't enough to cover up the problem…and so, things changed. People changed. But sometimes it's impossible to change people completely. You can't change their past…the effect life has had on their soul…the things that haunt them.

It's just like the tiny coffins. I don't see them all that often anymore, my own life so full that there is no room for dreaming. But every once in a while, one shows up…ripping me from my slumber in a way that I cannot forget, the dream itself becoming a daunting memory.

"Arizona? Arizona…" Callie calls to me, my eyes returning from their blink to the real world again. "Babe…you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," I tell her, glancing sideways at my mother. She is talking to Sophia about school, not paying a bit of attention to the fact that I am staring at her. "So, where do you want to go for dinner tonight?" I ask my wife, destined to follow in my mother's footsteps with my avoidance.

Callie decided she wants to go to our favorite Sushi bar, and gets up to call and make a reservation. We then proceed to shower and get ready, testing the waters by having my mom watch the kids for a bit. "You sure you're alright?" Callie whispers, brown eyes piercing my heart with their undying love and concern. "You've been awfully quiet since lunch."

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just a little nervous about leaving Timothy," I say, choking down the lump of guilt forming in my throat. "I'm surprised your so calm about this. You've never left your little angel with someone else before. What if he can't sleep without you? You are the only one who can calm him at night."

I watch my wife's face grimace, pain radiating into that huge heart I fell in love with. "Believe me, I'm plenty worried. He's my baby…the only man I have truly ever been in love with. And I know I spoil him, Arizona. I know I hold him way too much a-and, and go running every time he even makes a little peep. It's just, I…I missed out on the newborn stage with Sophia. When she was born, I couldn't even be with her. And then…then when I was finally allowed in the NICU, my hands didn't work well enough to hold her."

"I know," I interject, placing a comforting hand on my wife's back as she gazes at me through the bathroom mirror. "I was there, Callie. I remember how hard it was for you then. And I totally understand why you want to hold that little boy close to you. I get it. I have to remind myself sometimes that Timothy is a perfect, healthy baby…that there's no need to really worry about his breathing in the middle of the night, or whether he's eating enough. We both spoil him. But that's okay. Babies are supposed to be spoiled. Sophia was probably the most spoiled baby in the whole world, with people checking on her and doting on her twenty four hours a day. And look how well she turned out."

Callie smiles and turns to face me, her eyes lighting up as she thinks about our precious girl. "Yeah, she is pretty amazing. They both are." Then Callie grabs my hand and pulls me towards her, wrapping me up in a strong but tender hug. "You are pretty amazing too," she whispers as she brings her lips down upon mine, leaving me with a warm, soft kiss before returning her attention to the mirror. "It is so worth worrying about our little surprise to have you all to myself tonight."

"I agree. It will be good for him…good for all of them. Sophia's really excited, you know? She's already talked my mother into baking brownies and watching Snow White later. Maybe my mom is the one we should be worried about," I say, causing us both to laugh.

I stand back and watch my wife in the mirror, the beautiful sound of happiness fading after a moment as we continue to get ready. I think about the last words I uttered, remembering that I truly am worried about my mother. Something about this whole fishing trip my father supposedly went on unexpectedly doesn't add up, and I just know my mother is keeping something from me. I feel my heart begin to pound as I come to the realization that I am no better…for I've been keeping something from my wife for a long time now.

"Your father just called," my mother announces from the nursery, the way her voice cracks telling me that is the furthest thing from the truth. Fear begins to settle deep within my chest as I recollect the last time I caught my mother in a lie. Barbara Robbins is usually the most genuine, honest person on the planet. There is only one reason I have ever known her to tell a lie…only one person she would ever lie for. "Dad says hello, dear. Says he caught three bluefin tuna today," my mother fabricates, trying to sound excited.

"That's great, Mom," I yell back down the hall at her, offering my wife a quick smile when she brushes past me to grab her earrings in the bedroom. There is a huge knot in my throat, the anticipation of what is likely to come after my date with Calliope rattling my nerves. I close my eyes, resolving to face the situation later on and just enjoy this rare night out with my wife. No matter where he really is, I know my father is not in Seattle. Sophia and Timothy will be safe with my mother, and I will let the woman who loves me with every fiber of her being do just that…love me. Because I am going to need that to get through this.

"You ready, baby?" the beautiful goddess across the room asks as she slides into the dark purple heels that match her dress. I force another smile and nod, hitting the bedroom light as I follow my wife out to say goodnight to our little angels.

"Bye bye, peanut," I whisper as I hold Sophia in my arms, giving her a gentle squeeze as I run my fingers through her dark curls. "I love you, little girl…up to the moon and back." I place her back on the ground, lifting my eyes to meet my mother's as she passes Timmy to his mama. Those words were spoken purposely, and I know my mother understands by the look on her face. Her eyes are filling with tears…familiar tears of sorrow and regret that I've experienced one too many times.

I blink my eyes rapidly to keep my own tears at bay, luckily distracted by the sound of my son's favorite lullaby being sung to him softly in the corner of the room. Callie is standing beside the window, moonlight shining in through the sheer curtain as she rocks our little boy. "Tú eres la estrella que ilumina mi noche… con el que voy a hacer realidad los sueños…Debajo de la Luna apaciguante…Eres mi nana español."

Everyone is watching Callie now, her beautiful voice filling the air with a sense of peace. "I'm sorry," she whispers when she notices all of us staring, brown eyes locking with mine for a moment before she looks back down at Timothy. "I just wanted to make sure our little man got his goodnight song."

I cross the room and place a loving kiss to this amazing woman's lips, my heart swelling with love. Callie smiles and passes me the baby, who I lavish with tender kisses as he clings tight to my pinky. Once my wife has said goodbye to our daughter, I place our son in the arms of my mother…the arms that held me as a little girl. "Thanks for taking care of the kids tonight, Mom," I say, secrets passing between matching eyes of blue. "We won't be too late."

My wife and I arrive at our favorite restaurant a while later, enjoying every moment of a meal shared alone. "You look beautiful, Arizona," Callie whispers, brushing my hand with hers as she reaches over to grab some chopsticks. There is a lump in my throat again, partly because I am still flattered by her compliments and partly because of my guilty conscience.

"Thank you, Calliope. You look absolutely gorgeous," I tell her, choking down that lump with the resignation that everything else can wait. Right now, I need her…need to remember that my life is filled with so much love and joy. It's the only thing that might keep me from falling apart altogether.

We take our time devouring incredibly delicious rolls of sushi, feeding one another pieces of rice and vegetables with our chopsticks. The way Callie looks so deeply into my eyes is breaking my heart, but I look back at her with the hope that she'll understand. She has to understand.

The waiter comes over with our check a bit later, and I glance up at the large clock on the wall. Callie sees me and does the same, a seductive smile playing on her lips. "So…what should we do now? It's only eight o'clock. I'm sure your mom will be fine for a few more hours."

I ignore the part of me that just wants to rush home, deciding it's best to postpone the inevitable pain and suffering for a bit longer. Because once I know for sure what I've known in my head and in my heart all day, my world is going to be flipped upside down. Memories will be triggered…secrets will come out…problems will need to be dealt with. But right now…right now, the only problem I want to have is deciding where to make love to my wife.

"Arizona…honey, are you sure that everything's okay?" Callie asks, snapping me back out of my own mind. "You've keep staring off into the distance, like you're lost or something. What's going on with you today?"

"Find me," I breathe out after another moment of awkward silence, my eyes coming to focus on the beautiful face in front of me. Callie lowers her eyebrows in confusion, my words not making much sense. How could they? She has no idea what I'm going through. "You, y-y-you said I look l-lost. So, find me," I demand, blue eyes meeting brown in desperation. "Take me somewhere…anywhere, and just make love to me. Please…"

Callie may not understand what's going on, but she understands my need and quietly leads me out of the restaurant. Her eyes never leave mine as we walk to our car, and the unwavering love I see in them nearly causes me to break. But I don't. I can't break until I've had her inside of me…until I've felt her walls tremble around my fingers. I need her, all of her, right now. And somehow, she knows that.

She drives a little ways, veering the car suddenly up a long and winding road. "Where are we going?" I ask, my fingers wrapped tightly around hers in between our seats.

"Right here," she answers with a nervous smile, tears clouding her big, brown eyes. Callie turns the car off when we reach the parking lot of our favorite park, the one we've been coming to together for years. There is not another soul around on this cold, February night. It's just me, my wife, and the stars. I gaze through the windshield at the tiny specks of white light illuminating the sky, the quiet peacefulness allowing me to breathe.

I know this is the calm before the storm…the storm that can be terribly violent, devastatingly traumatic for everyone is touches. I close my eyes, trying to push the worried thoughts from my mind as tears burn the back of my eyes. I try so hard not to let them fall, but one escapes and trickles down my face.

"Oh, baby," Callie whispers, fingertips delicately wiping away my pain. "Whatever it is, I'm here. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere," she promises as she pulls me into her arms.

I reach under her and slide the seat back, giving me enough room to climb into her lap. She holds me so close to her body, my head pressed firmly over her heart. I listen to the sound of this amazing organ beating under my ear, it's steady rhythm soothing my soul. I allow myself to cry, silently sobbing into Callie's chest for a moment before she lifts my chin with her finger and pulls my lips to hers. The kiss that my wife gives me is so tender it nearly shatters my resolve, and when we break for air, I think perhaps the truth shouldn't wait any longer. I open my mouth to speak, finding the words so difficult to get out. "C-C-allie ….there's s-s-something I need to tell you," I stammer, blue eyes once again meeting brown.

"Shhh…not now," Callie whispers as she runs her hands underneath my shirt, gently lifting the material up and over my head. Her lips find mine, so much affection behind them as she kisses me repeatedly. I slowly unzip the back of Callie's dress, helping her to eliminate the barrier between us before sliding my skirt down until it hits the floor. Callie lifts her hips so I can work her black, lace panties down those gorgeous legs, my fingertips clinging to her luscious curves. "I'm going to love you. No matter what, Arizona…I'm going to love you."

Once again, her words touch my heart and I feel a few tears escape. When I look down at my wife, so in awe of her beautiful soul, I see that she is crying too. My love…my Calliope is crying, simply because she knows I am hurting. I don't think I've ever loved her more than I do in this moment, and I lean down to kiss her with desperate passion. "Make love to me. I'm not lost when I'm with you," I breathe into her ear, my arms wrapped firmly around her neck.

So she does…she makes love to me, slowly and sweetly. I suck in a deep breath when I feel her hands cup my breasts, my heart beating wildly in my chest. Callie soon replaces fingers with lips, covering my hard nipples with her warm mouth. I pull her into my body, practically digging my fingernails into her back until we can't get any closer. Her strong hands roam down my back and over my hips, thumbs hooking into white silk to remove my panties. I wrap my lips around her smooth skin, tasting every piece of her my mouth can reach. Our bodies are so close, I almost can't tell where she ends and I begin.

Flesh on flesh, we move together in the small confines of our car, taking a trip to heaven before we must face hell. My wife's loving fingers move delicately inside of me as I hover above her naked form, my own fingers seeking her entrance. The steering wheel is cold against my back, so I shift my body to find a better angle, effectively thrusting my fingers deep inside the woman I love. Callie gasps, her breath hitching in her throat as I circle her insides, wanting to feel every inch of her. She leans back against the headrest, her palm implanted in my pelvic bone as her fingertips grasp my bare bottom, pushing me further and further down onto the hand between my thighs.

I cry out, this time in nothing but pure ecstasy as Callie reaches a new depth within my body. I can feel her walls starting to shake as I work my fingers in and out of her core, the two of us falling over the edge together. When we are done reeling from the intense pleasure, I lay my head back down on Callie's chest, kissing my spot over her precious heart. This is exactly what I needed…to feel loved and safe in the arms of my beautiful wife. I know she must be so confused, wondering what on earth has brought me to this point. But she doesn't press the issue, however. She just continues to love me, letting us stay in heaven a while longer. "I will always find you," Callie whispers, her fingers running through the blonde hair splayed out across her shoulder.

Eventually the cold, night air is too much for our naked bodies to endure and we must get dressed. I whimper when I shift back to my own seat, wishing I could remain one with my wife forever. The ride home is silent, fear building in both of our hearts for two entirely different reasons. For my wife, it is fear of the unknown. But for me, it's knowing what's about to come that is so terrifying.

The house is still and quiet when we enter, the sounds of our little man breathing deeply coming through the baby monitor. I breathe deeply myself, relieved that our precious baby is sleeping soundly. My mother is asleep on the living room couch, Sophia's little head tucked into her side. Callie and I both smile at the sight, watching the rise and fall of our daughter's chest for a moment before my wife gently lifts her off the couch. My mother startles a bit and wakes, sitting up with wide eyes.

"Sorry, Barbara…didn't mean to wake you," Callie whispers as she pulls Sophia into her arms, bringing her to me so I can kiss her goodnight before disappearing down the hallway.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," my mother says as she watches my wife take the little sleeping beauty to tuck her in for the night.

"So, how were they?" I ask, unable yet to meet my mother's eyes. "Timothy take the bottle okay?"

"Yes, h-he drank the whole thing. Five ounces," my mother informs me, her hands fidgeting nervously in her lap. "They were wonderful. You are so blessed, my dear. Two beautiful, healthy children…who could ask for more?"

Here she goes again, trying to pretend that everything is fine. As much as I would like to do the same, I just can't. Not anymore. "Talk to Dad yet, Mom?" I say, a hint of anger in my tone. "And don't even try and feed me anymore crap about some fishing trip."

"Arizona…" my mother whines, her eyes pleading with me. "Please, honey…don't. Just….d-d-don't."

Just then, Callie returns from Sophia's room, her gorgeous smile quickly fading when she sees the tension between my mother and I.

"It's happening again, isn't it?" I say, taking a step closer to the couch. My mother just stares at the wall, her teary eyes focused on anything but the pained expression on my face.

"What? What's happening again?" Callie inquires, taking a seat beside my mom. "Barbara…are you okay?"

"No…no, Callie. I am not okay," my mother finally admits, pushing up her shirt sleeves to reveal two bruised wrists. "I-I-I'm, I-I'm so sorry, sweetie," she chokes out as she looks me in the eye, tears streaming down her face.

"Who, who did this to you?" Callie screams, a look of pure shock written all over her face. She turns towards me, brown eyes searching blue. "No. No…he, he wouldn't," she says once the reality of the situation hits her.

"It's not his fault," my mother cries, her face buried in her hands. "Please, Callie. Just try and understand…"

"Understand what exactly?" Callie asks, interrupting my mother before she can rattle off a list of excuses.

"She wants you to understand why, why my father is a…a…a monster," I choke out, the pain of saying those words stabbing my heart like a knife. "And it is his fault, Mom…and yours too. For not getting him the help he needs. You can't just run away from the problem. And you can't expect me to turn a blind eye to it…not anymore. I did that my whole life, every time he…"

"Every time he what?" Callie cries, a mixture of fear and sadness taking over her beautiful face.

I open my mouth to speak…to finally tell her the secret I've been keeping for all these years. But no words come out. So I close my eyes and try again, but I don't even know where to begin. I start to tremble, tears forming fast in my eyes. Callie comes to stand before me, taking my hands in hers to offer some quiet support. I look into her warm, brown eyes and see my whole future…love, happiness, family. I wish I never had to look away…wish I never had to re-live the past. But I am determined to break the cycle…change the outcome for everyone this time.

I think I have finally gained the courage to tell Callie everything, sucking in a deep breath to prepare myself. And then, just when I'm about to get started…the familiar sound of our tiny baby fills the air.

"Oh…he, he must be getting hungry," I say so stoically, my eyes moving from Callie's to the clock on the wall. I drop the strong hands that have been holding me together all night and head towards the nursery, avoiding the inevitable just a little longer.

Chapter 5

Callie's POV:

I find myself alone in the living room with a woman I thought I knew…a woman I thought raised the love of my life with care and affection. Now I am not so sure about my wife's upbringing. In fact, I'm not so sure about anything. My eyes continue to stare at Barbara Robbins, despite their cold, blank appearance. My jaw drops, so many thoughts racing through my mind that words simply cannot leave the tip of my tongue. I can feel tears burning the back of my eyes, but I'm not sure what has caused them. Heartache? Fear? Anger? Perhaps it is a combination of all three, both my head and my heart pounding with a multitude of emotions.

"Callie. Callie…" Barbara calls, ripping me from the surreal daze I find myself in. I close my eyes then open them again, this time my intent stare piercing the blue eyes before me.

"What exactly is going on here, Barbara? I ask as I glance down at her bruised wrists, noticing that they have almost identical marks around them. I watch my mother in law swallow hard, wiping tears from under her baggy eyes as she rubs one of the wounds with her thumb. "Why would Daniel do this to you?" I cry, beginning to pace the room in frustration. "How long has this been going on for? Has Arizona known all along? Why didn't she tell me? Why?"

I rattle off all these questions, practically screaming at the terrified woman on my couch, then turn to leave before Barbara even has a chance to open her mouth. She is not the person I need to get the answers from. My veins feel as if they are on fire as I walk slowly down the hallway, fists clenched in rage. On instinct, I want to barge into that nursery and demand that my wife tell me everything…that she fill me in on all the details of her past she so casually left behind.

But the sobbing and sniffling I hear on the other side of Timothy's door breaks my heart too much to yell at her…and so I lean against the wall for a minute and just breathe. "I love her. And I promised…no matter what, I would love her," I say to myself aloud. Being angry would have been the easy road to take, and I know that. The path I must follow for Arizona, for the woman who owns my heart and soul…that path is going to be much more difficult to travel. Something tells me we are about to embark on a painfully strenuous journey, and I am deathly afraid of where this path will lead us.

But here I am…standing outside my son's door in a home that just a few hours ago was filled with nothing but love and happiness. I can feel my heart beating deep inside my chest, afraid to cross the barrier into an unknown world…the world of my wife's past.

"Hey," I whisper as I push the door open just a crack, the rocking chair coming to an abrupt halt when Arizona sees me peering in at her. She is nursing the baby, her free hand desperately trying to wipe the tears that are staining her beautiful face. I hate to see her cry, and I can feel my heart break a little when she sucks in the deep breath that is often needed after heavy sobbing. "Can I come in?" I ask, my hand wrapped tentatively around the doorknob.

She inhales sharply once more as she gives me a slow nod, those brilliant blue eyes meeting mine for a second. I hesitate, still so afraid of what may happen…so afraid of what has already happened to her. But those bright blue eyes, the dimpled smile that usually brightens my day, the love that has awakened my soul…those are the reasons I must face my fears.

I enter the nursery with caution, moving towards my wife as if one wrong step may break her into a thousand pieces. She is breaking already, that much I can see. But I know my girl, and she isn't going to let all those walls fall down easily. No, I'm going to have to knock them down…one by one, until we get to the bottom of this. "So, how's our little man doing?" I ask nonchalantly, hoping to break the ice.

Arizona stifles her cries, swallowing up her emotion as she looks down at the sleeping baby on her breast. "He's doing good. I think he's just about done if you want him," she says, lifting her eyes to look at me briefly before returning them to our son.

"No, that's okay. You keep him," I tell her as I kneel down beside the rocking chair. "He makes everything better, doesn't he?" I whisper, laying a hand on Arizona's knee to offer some comfort.

She takes a deep breath, lids dropped for a moment before blue eyes meet brown, unspoken words passed between us. "You make everything better, Calliope," Arizona says, her voice cracking a bit. "I'm so sorry. I, I should have told you about my father…"

"Why didn't you?" I ask, my tone warm and tender at first. "I mean, I don't even know what there is to tell…but, but there's something. I just…I don't understand why you would keep secrets from me." I cannot help the hint of anger in my voice as I continue to speak, and I can see the effect it has on Arizona. She clams up, removing her eyes from mine to gaze out the window at the starry night. "I'm sorry," I whisper after a few moments of silence. "I just want to help you, and I can't do that if I don't know what's going on."

"I know," she says, placing a lingering kiss to Timothy's forehead before going to place him in his crib. "Goodnight, sweet baby boy."

I walk over to where my wife is standing beside the crib and lean down to kiss my little angel goodnight, then take Arizona by the hand and lead her down the hall to our bedroom so we can talk. She immediately takes a seat at the edge of our bed, motioning for me to join her. I take her hands in mine, waiting for her to begin our journey into her past. But she says nothing. She just stares into my eyes, breaking my heart with her sadness. "It's okay, baby," I whisper, pulling her closer to me. "You can tell me."

"I wanted you to like him," Arizona says suddenly, my brow furrowed in confusion.

"What?" I say, searching her eyes.

"My dad…I, I wanted you to like him," she tells me, shrugging her shoulders. "That's why I didn't tell you about any of this. That and..and I, I try not to think about it."

"Think about what?" I dare to ask, knowing that Arizona could shut down at any moment. Arizona closes her eyes, obviously pained by the memories of whatever has happened in the past. I give her hand a gentle squeeze, hoping she can find the courage to confide in me. "Please, Arizona…let me help you. Let me love you."

"Remember when you woke up to Owen strangling Cristina in our old apartment?" she asks, knowing the memory will remain in my mind forever. That was a terrifying moment, one that I only wish I could forget. My mind wanders from that night…to the words spoken by my mother in law…to the pain I see on my wife's face. And suddenly all the pieces come together.

"Your dad…he has post traumatic stress disorder? Is that what you're trying to tell me, Arizona?" I inquire, wanting it to be clear. Arizona nods her head in shame, as if her father's behavior is somehow a reflection on her. She looks away from me, her hands letting go of mine to fidget with the sheet below us. "Hey…look at me," I whisper, lifting her chin with my finger. "You can tell me anything, Arizona. And I promise, I'll still be here. I won't be angry with you for keeping this from me. And I won't hate your father. I just want to understand…"

"Understand?" my wife screams, cutting me off. "It's impossible to understand, Callie. No one can understand the kind of violence that war has embedded in my father's soul. The things he's seen…and, and done. They've affected him. And, and y-you never see it coming. You never know the man who's always been y-your, your hero is suddenly going to become the villain…your enemy…the one person you want to escape from."

I think about her choice of words, and wonder just how often my wife wanted to escape life with Colonel Daniel Robbins and the experiences that haunted him. So I push. I ask the questions I want to ask, hoping she can endure it all just a bit longer. "How often did this happen, Arizona? I mean, with Owen…he, he struggled with the PTSD for a few months before the choking incident. And then he got help…him and Cristina both did. Has your dad ever talked to anyone about it? Have you? I mean, I know you didn't talk to your wife about it," I say, sounding much more bitter than I intended to.

"Callie…please. I told you…I, I try not to think about it. I try not to remember," Arizona says, her head ducked down to catch my eyes. "All I know is that I was scared. Every time it happened, I was terrified."

Her eyes are filled with tears again, and I can't describe the heartache I experience when I see the pain behind them. I just want to pull her into my arms and make it better…make it all go away. But I can't do that. I have to make her talk about this before she bottles it back up inside. "How many times?" I inquire, gaining a confused look from Arizona. "How many times has he snapped?"

"T-this will b-be the, the third," Arizona stammers, her eyes squeezed shut in an attempt to block the memories. "B-but I, I really don't remember much about the incidents. Just that my dad wasn't my dad anymore…he, he was a m-monster."

I can no longer control the urge to hold her close to me, so I slide my body towards her and pull her into my arms. Arizona buries her head into my neck and her tears flow like water down my skin. "Shhhh…shh, okay. Okay, baby. I'm here," I whisper into her hair, my lips finding the top of her head. "It's okay. Just take your time and tell me what you do remember."

Arizona doesn't say anything for quite a while, continuing to cry into my neck as her fingers wrap around the collar of my shirt. She is literally clinging to me for dear life, and I start to feel as if I'm going to be sick. I still have no idea what's really happened to her, but the longer she cries, the more I start to fear the worst. Having witnessed the recent damage done to her mother, I make the mistake of letting my mind wander. Was Arizona abused by her father during his bouts with PTSD? In what way? So help me God, if that man touched her, I will kill him. I don't care if he's her father…don't care if he wasn't himself, or what kind of torment lead him to that place.

Eventually, Arizona's quiet sobs turned to sniffles and she looks up at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen, shattering my heart in the process. Those beautiful blue eyes and the way her hair is tucked behind her ear makes her look like a child…like the little girl whose happy life suddenly turned into a nightmare. Arizona is trembling in my arms, and several times she opens her mouth to speak…but no words come out. "We don't have to talk about it anymore tonight," I whisper, my arms wrapping tighter around her. "I didn't mean to push, babe. If you're not ready…"

"I was just a little girl the first time it happened," my wife announces unexpectedly, her voice so low it's almost inaudible. I pull back slightly to look in her eyes again, dark brown reflected in her baby blues. I look as deeply in her eyes as I can, connecting our souls as we prepare to start this terrible voyage.

"How old were you?" I ask as I rub my thumb over her delicate fingers in small circles, wanting so badly to comfort her.

"Seven," she answers right away, some of the memory clearly remaining in her mind. "I was seven and Tim was almost ten."

I can't help but picture a seven year old version of my wife, with that super magic smile and adorable dimples. I imagine our son as a ten year old boy as I picture the man he was named for, knowing he'll likely resemble his uncle. Overwhelming sadness fills my heart to think of two small children going through such an ordeal. I was a grown woman when I dealt with Owen and his PTSD, and the image of him almost strangling Cristina to death is still terrifying to think of. How could children cope with such a thing?

"It's all so fuzzy," Arizona says, breaking me from my thoughts. "I'm sorry, Calliope. I, I don't remember what happened when I was a kid. I just know I was scared…we both were. It was loud and scary…and then it was over, and my dad was my dad again."

"Until the next time it happened, right?" I say, needing to know all the details. "And when was that exactly?"

Arizona takes a deep breathe, her eyes closed in such a way that she looks as if she's in physical pain. "The next time I remember him like that was after my brother died," she tells me. "I was fresh out of med school…just turned twenty-five. About two days after we buried Tim, he started acting crazy again," she tells me, fear being replaced with sorrow as she reflects on her brother's passing. "Everyone was so upset then…it, it took a few days to notice the behavior."

"And what happened when you did?" I inquire, still holding her close. "Did you confront him? Has anyone ever confronted him about this?"

Arizona is the one to pull back this time, looking me straight in the eyes as this chapter of her story unfolds. "No one said anything at first," she whispers, trying to swallow the lump that is quickly forming as she thinks back on this awful time in her life. There is a lump in my throat now too, her pain every bit as real to me as my own. "Then I,I noticed that he was yelling at people," Arizona continues, both of us blinking back tears. "And not just out of anger and sorrow. He was barking out orders, as if we were all part of his regiment. I remember he kept referring to himself at Sergeant Robbins, the rank he held in Vietnam."

There's a part of me that suddenly feels pain for my father in law, and in a strange way, I see why Barbara told me that it wasn't Daniel's fault. Arizona's dad didn't maliciously cause pain and suffering to his family. It was his own pain and suffering that flipped the switch, turning a heroic man into a monster. We've all learned about PTSD in our psych rotations, and it is a well-known fact that Vietnam vets have the highest rate of chronic post traumatic stress…the kind that is persistent and long-lasting. Repeated exposure to combat can account for this type of PTSD, and any stressful or traumatic occurrence can trigger the fight or flight response. And for a man like Colonel Daniel Robbins, fighting is the only possible choice. It is not at all surprising that he would have an episode after the death of his son…a son who died following in his footsteps.

I find myself staring blankly at the wall, the internal battle between my heart and my mind tearing me apart. On the one hand, I can sympathize with Daniel…like I sympathized with Owen. I feel truly sorry that such good a good man has been put through so much in his lifetime, his heart forever scarred by violence. But on the other hand, the evil created by the war he chose to fight has hurt the one person I love more than anything on this earth. Arizona is my number one concern, and my focus shifts completely back to her as she continues to drag us down this long and winding road, our journey becoming more and more difficult to endure.

"Finally, my Uncle Ronnie…Dad's brother, he warned my father that he was slipping over the edge. Said he'd seen some of his friends experience trauma after returning from Nam. Dad…he, he didn't want to see it. Or he couldn't….couldn't break out of the haunted world of Saigon. The more we tried to calm him down, the harder he fought. He kept saying he wasn't going to stop until he found the man who killed Private Timothy Robbins. He started ripping pictures off the walls, kicking down doors, waving his 22 Magnum in our faces. Everyone was terrified, but there was nothing we could do…he was the man with the gun." The look of pure fear on my wife's face as she recollects this traumatic event is one I've never seen before, and once again I feel as if I am going to vomit.

"Oh my God, Arizona…I, I don't even know what to say," I mutter, still trying to wrap my head around all this. What horrible suffering this family went through. What horrible suffering my wife has been going through all this time…without me. I clear my throat, coughing until I'm sure there is actually still air in my lungs. I'm afraid to hear the rest of this story, but I know it has to be told. Arizona's hands are holding mine so tightly, and I squeeze back with all of my might to let her know I'm here…that I'll always be here. "How did it end?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. "Did anyone get hurt?"

"My mother took a few jabs with the rifle when she tried to intervene, and…and I, I-I took a good, hard slap to the face," Arizona chokes out as quickly as she can, cringing as she brings her hand up to her cheek, the sting of that slap still fresh in her mind.

My eyes grow wide and I have to let go of her hands before I break them, my blood boiling beneath my veins. "He hit you?" I scream as I press my palms into my eyes, attempting to halt the hot, angry tears.

"No," Arizona says loud and clear, that one simple word sending a shock to my system.

"No, it wasn't him that time. It was my mother. After the second time he hit her with the gun, I said I was going to call the police. She, she told me I could not dishonor my father in that way. I tried to reason with her and we, we got into an argument. When I went to grab the phone, she ripped it out of my hand and slapped me. She had just lost her son, and she told me she was not about to lose her husband as well. She said her Daniel…the person she fell in love with, was still inside that man. I didn't understand it at all then…"

"But you, you understand it now?" I ask, interrupting her.

"I understand what it's like to love somebody so much you'll do anything for them," she says, her eyes meeting mine. "I know what it's like to want to protect somebody, at all costs. Yes, I suppose I do understand it a bit more now."

I swallow hard, Arizona's words hitting home as she continues to stare into my eyes. I imagine she's right…if someone tried to take her away from me, no matter how necessary it might be, I would do everything in my power to stop them. I would want to protect her at all costs, like I do right in this very moment. "I wish…I, I wish there was something I could do to make it better," I whisper when I can finally find my voice, tears streaming down my face. "I wish I would have known you then…been there to help you through it."

"Me too," Arizona admits, her hand reaching out to wipe away my tears as her own begin building behind those bright blue eyes. "Believe me, I could have used the comfort. My brother was dead, my family was falling apart, and I was all alone. I hopped on the first plane to Boston and just tried to forget the whole ordeal."

I get up off the bed and circle the floor, fists once again clenched in anger. I am angry…angry with Arizona for not telling me about this sooner, angry with Daniel for putting my wife though so much pain, angry with Barbara for letting it happen. I'm even angry with myself…for not being able to protect her, even if there's no way I could have. Seeing her struggle, hearing how broken she was…it's killing me. Every tear she cries…every glimmer that fades from her gorgeous eyes, it like a knife digging deeper and deeper into my chest. Nothing hurts me more than someone hurting the woman I love, every fiber of my being aching for my wife.

When Arizona and I first started dating, I was in awe of the relationship she had with her parents. They talked on the phone almost everyday…we skyped with them on a regular basis…spent holidays together. The Robbins clan seemed like the perfect family, the only thing missing their beloved Timothy. Oh, how deceiving appearances can be. "When did you let them back into your life?" I inquire, wanting to know how things were patched up.

"When I got offered the job as Boston Children's Hospital," she replies, walking nervously back and forth on the other side of our bed. "I did my internship year and they offered me the chance to complete my residency there. I was just so excited at the time. My first instinct was to call my mom. So I did. I called and…and we, we talked. Mom said she was sorry for what happened. Said my dad was in therapy again and hadn't had another episode since the day I left. Over the next few months, we just sort of picked up where we left off. They came out to Boston for Christmas and my dad was just my dad, not some lunatic with a gun re-living his tour in the South Pacific."

"And this is the first time your father has lost control since then?" I ask, surprised when a voice behind me answers the question instead of my wife.

"Yes, dear. It's been almost nine years since my husband's trauma has caused us any hardship," Barbara says from the doorway, causing both of our heads to turn. "I convinced him to go back to therapy after we lost Arizona…"

"You didn't lose me, Mom," my wife says, shaking her head.

"Yes…yes, we did. We lost a whole year with you," Barbara whispers, eyes just like Arizona's filling with fresh tears. "And I'm not going to let that happen again. You are too important…all of you," Barbara says as she studies the latest picture we had taken, our beautiful family of four huddled together under the Christmas tree. "I'm so sorry about all of this, girls," Barbara says, burying her face in her hands.

My wife crosses the room and pulls her mother into her arms, hugging her tight. "It's okay, Mom," Arizona whispers, pulling back to look her mother in the eye. "We'll figure everything out…get Dad the help he needs."

"I should have been honest with you from the beginning," my mother in law says, hanging her head in shame. "I just didn't want to hurt you anymore."

"I know," my wife replies, offering her mom a small smile. "You've always tried so hard to protect us…protect him. But what about you, Mom? Who's gonna protect you?" Arizona asks.

"I suppose I protected myself by leaving this time…by coming here," Barbara says, so much shame evident on her face. "I just couldn't do it this time. He, he wouldn't listen…wouldn't see his doctor or, or take the anti-anxiety meds. He's stuck, Arizona. He's stuck in Vietnam again and, a-and I don't know if he'll come back this time."

Barbara begins to cry, uncontrollable sobs released into the air. I look over at my wife as she holds her mother once more, her eyes catching mine for a moment. The sorrow I see deep inside those baby blues is gut-wrenching, and I finally can't hold in my disgust any longer. I excuse myself and head into the bathroom, the contents of my stomach violently expelled into the toilet. My insides are shaking…my head spinning. I feel like I am in some strange nightmare, my mind unable yet to believe this is all real.

"Are you alright?" Arizona asks when I return a few moments later, cheeks flustered despite how pale I look in comparison. I nod my head as I take a seat at the edge of our bed, trying to get my bearings. "When did all of this start, Mom?" my wife says, motioning for her mother to take a seat as well.

"Well, it…it started with this game," Barbara says, both mine and Arizona's brows lowering in confusion. "This, this war game one of the other vets gave your father."

"Like a video game?" I inquire.

"Yes, Callie. Well, I assume it's like a video game. I've never been much of a gamer," Barbara says with a nervous chuckle. I offer her a small smile, taking her hand in mine to lend some support. "Daniel plays this war game on his computer."

"And so…what? The game somehow triggered his PTSD?" Arizona says, shaking her head as if she's not convinced.

.

Barbara closes her eyes, clearly trying to recollect how everything went down. "I-it all seemed so, so harmless at f-first," she says after a moment of eerie silence, her voice cracking with emotion. "He would play while I made dinner…or, or when I was out with my friends. It gave him something to do. But then, then I noticed Daniel playing more and more. Any free minute he had, he was on that damn computer. First thing every morning, he would load up that game. I mentioned it to him- how much he was playing…how he seemed to be becoming obsessed. But you know your father," Barbara says, glancing over at Arizona. "He didn't want to hear it…didn't want to see the problem. So I just did what I do best. I turned a blind eye and let it continue, stupid enough to think it wouldn't come to a head."

"When did it, Mom?" Arizona asks, placing her hand over the one I am holding. "When did he snap?"

Barbara shakes her head, shrugging her shoulders as she continues to weep. "It was different this time, honey. It was a slow process. He was fine…for the most part, he was still the same old Daniel. Except for when he was playing that game. When that game was running, I could tell his mind was running too. Looking at that compute screen, it was like your father was back in the war…like he was actually fighting with real soldiers. He would, he would grunt and…and scream at the computer. The more he played, the worse it got. And the worse it got…the more he played. Eventually, that's all he did. Every waking hour, your father was on that computer, reliving his past over and over again."

My eyes grow so wide that the air stings them, the pure insanity behind this tale sending a shock to my very core. Arizona looks equally surprised to hear these details, the hand gripping mine beginning to tremble again. "How did this happen?" I ask, cringing when I turn Barbara's wrist over to reveal the nasty cuts and bruises.

My mother in law looks so defeated, her heart clearly broken. I can tell it is going to be difficult and painful for her to recount how exactly her husband abused her, and the shaky breath she releases echoes in the silent room as Arizona and I wait for an answer. "One night, I woke up and Daniel was gone," Barbara says, her voice barely above a whisper. The closet door was left ajar and, and I noticed that one of his uniforms was missing. When I found him downstairs, he was fully dressed in fatigues…and, and he had a gun beside him on the table. I remember walking towards him so slowly, thinking this could be my last moment on earth. My husband is going to turn around and shoot me, and I'll be dead."

Arizona's tears are pooling in her eyes and with one blink, they spill forth and travel down her cheeks. The anguish on her face makes me want to vomit again, but I hold it together for her…for both of them. Barbara hesitates for a moment, but finds the courage to continue when Arizona squeezes her hand tight. "Obviously, your father didn't kill me," she says, closing her eyes as she takes a deep breath. "He, he just…he t-t-ook me as his prisoner. Tied me up. That's how I got these," she says, gesturing to her wrists. H-he didn't mean to hurt me. He was just, just so caught up in that damn game…and in the memories of the war. You know, he was made to take hostages in Saigon….forced to torture civilians. I think he was reliving that all over again."

"How did you break free?" Arizona inquires, swallowing yet another lump.

"During a moment of sanity, he let me go. Your father just woke up the next morning…untied me…and told me to get as far away from him as possible. I suppose he knew what was happening and, and he wanted to spare me," Barbara says. "I tried to convince him to get help…to take the medication…to talk to his therapist. But, but he was gone again before I could get through to him. And I was scared…and hurt…and just, just so tired of it all. So I did what he said. I drove until I couldn't drive anymore, and then…then I called you, Callie."

Suddenly, a loud wail comes through the monitor, the sounds of our crying baby startling all three of us. "Well, looks like Timmy is ready for a feeding," Barbara says as she stands up, leaning in to place a kiss on her daughter's forehead. "I think we've all had enough for one night, don't you?" Arizona nods, teary eyes locking with the matching ones above her. "I love you, Arizona," her mother whispers. "And I am sorry for all of this."

Barbara kisses my cheek, giving my hand one last squeeze before walking out of our bedroom. Timothy is still crying, demanding to be fed. But Arizona isn't moving…she's just staring straight ahead, a blank expression on her face. "I can feed him tonight," I say, coming to stand in front of her. She blinks once, briefly looking in my eyes as she shakes her head no. "Let me bring him to you then," I suggest, anxiously waiting for her to reply. But again, she doesn't say a word.

She is shutting down. I knew this was going to happen…that eventually, this would all be too much for her. It's too much for me, really…and I haven't lived through it all. I let out a long winded sigh as I crouch down before the love of my life, forcing her to meet my eyes. "I'm going to go get our little man now. Why don't you go sit in the rocker…and just, just let me do the rest? Okay?" Arizona slowly nods, her eyes locked with mine. Timothy is starting to scream now and Arizona looks towards the door, silently telling me to help our son. "Okay, buddy…Mama's coming," I say as I walk away from my wife, my heart being ripped into a thousand pieces.

As much as I hate to leave her, I am thankful to teach the nursery and gladly step inside the comforting world of our little Malawi. God, what I would give to be back in Africa right now…with the poverty, and illness, and discrimination. Those are nothing in comparison to the terror, and pain, and sorrow I've been seeing in my wife's eyes all night, and I only wish we could escape the world we are living in.

I take my time changing Timmy's diaper, finding hope in the bright blue eyes staring up at me…the bright eyes I can only hope I'll see on Arizona again. "Come on, my sweet angel," I whisper to my little love, cradling him in my arms. "Your mommy needs us."

When I return to our bedroom, Arizona is sitting in the rocking chair, the same stoic look plastered on her beautiful face. The tear tracks on her cheeks look almost like scars and her eyes are so bloodshot from all the crying. I call her name, but get no response. She's fading…she's closing herself up tight inside that shell of hers. But I will reach her…I will find her again. I promised her I always would.

I know she cannot function enough to nurse the baby on her own, so I kneel down in front of the rocking chair to assist her. Being careful not to startle her, I slowly reach out and lift up her shirt…the same shirt I lifted over her head in passion just a few hours ago. I close my eyes, remembering the desperation in our love making, wishing more than anything I could make her feel whole again. Timothy is starting to fuss again, so I place him in Arizona's lap, moving her arms until she snaps out of her daze and holds him. I unhook her bra and pull her breast towards the baby's mouth to help him to latch on, knowing my wife cannot do any more than what she is. I rest my chin on Arizona's knee as she feeds our son, brown eyes reflected in blue the entire time. For the second time tonight, words are spoken silently as we stare into one another's souls.

When Timothy has gotten his fill and fallen back to sleep, I take him from my wife and return him to the safety of his crib. Arizona is already in bed when I enter our room, her back towards me as she clings to her pillow. I slide in behind her, wrapping my arms around her shaking body. There are no more tears left in either one of us to cry tonight, but the overwhelming feeling of sadness is more present than ever now that we're alone again. "Tell me what you need," I whisper, my cheek pressed up against hers. "Please, Arizona…I'll do anything."

"Just hold me," she cries, turning her head to look in my eyes. "Just hold me, Calliope." So I do…I just hold her tight, praying to God that this terrible journey soon comes to an end.

They say that life is full of surprises…and the good ones, like our little boy, are always welcome. But ones like this…the bad things you never see coming, those are the reason people say I don't like surprises.

Chapter 6

Arizona's POV:

My wife is holding me so close I can feel her heart beating against my back, her loving arms wrapped protectively around my trembling body. "I've got you," Callie whispers when I lean my head back, her chin resting on my shoulder as she wraps her arms even tighter. All I want to do is sleep, but the wheels just won't stop turning in my mind. Every time I feel myself starting to drift off, the terror that's been residing deep within my soul rips through my system, causing me to startle. My eyes shoot open wide as my body jolts awake, the battle for sleep beginning all over again. Tears flow, now out of frustration and helplessness. I just want my life back…the amazing, happy life I woke up with this morning. I can feel my hands trembling under Callie's, and she squeezes them hard in an effort to stop the tremors. "Shhh, it's okay. It's gonna be okay, baby," she tells me, her lips coming to rest against my temple. "I love you, Arizona. And I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

The undying love and sincerity in Callie's voice makes the tears fall even harder, the thought of how all of this will affect her beginning to break my heart. If she was the one going through it, or anything that would cause her pain, I would be a complete and utter mess. I can't bear to see her suffering, my heart and soul so connected to hers that her pain and my own are one in the same. And I know she won't admit it…I know she won't tell me how much she, too, is suffering, but I know that this isn't easy for her. I can see it in her eyes when I turn to face her. Her beautiful, brown eyes are clouded with the tears she is trying so desperately not to cry for me. I lean in to kiss her, tasting the salty reminder of my pain on her lips. Callie seems surprised, but must feel the same way I do…in sharing a kiss, our pain can be forgotten- at least for a moment.

And so we kiss one another, deeply and passionately, until neither one of us can breathe. Blue eyes are reflected in brown for what feels like an eternity as we both inhale sharply, once again unable to escape the anguish my past has caused. And so I kiss her once more, softly and quickly this time, before rolling over and closing my eyes.

I know that sleep will not come easily, but for my wife…for the woman who loves me so very much, I will pretend. "I'm so tired, Callie," I say, feeling as if I'm lying even though it is so true.

"Then just close your eyes," my wife whispers, sliding her body up against mine again to hold me close. I feel so safe in her arms, despite the fact that I am afraid. I'm deathly afraid of the memories that may be trying to surface…the images I've worked so hard my whole life to suppress. But I close my eyes…for Callie, I close my eyes and pretend to fall asleep. I know she would stay up with me all night, giving me the comfort and protection I need. But if I let her do that…if I let her in completely, then I will be forced to face the memories. And I'm just not ready to do that.

It takes a while for Callie to let her own exhaustion take over, her soft snores letting me know she's given up and gone to sleep. I breathe a sigh of relief, finally alone with my mind and my feelings. Words cannot express the sense of despair that takes over my entity, a scarred soul awakened by this haunted night. The monster inside my father has escaped again, and we are all running from him. We are all trying so hard to run from the memories of cruelty and sorrow, each and every one of us affected by a wounded soldier's trauma in a different way.

I feel so exhausted, practically delirious from dehydration caused by shedding a lifetime of tears. When I hear Sophia crying out in the distance, I spring up from my position in bed, causing all the blood to rush straight to my head. I almost fall over when I try and stand, the dresser a welcome obstacle tonight as I lean myself up against it for support.

"Arizona…" Callie mumbles, still too groggy to comprehend what's going on.

"Shhh. Go back to sleep," I say, as if tonight is any other ordinary night. Sheer exhaustion leads Callie to believe the same and she lays her head back down on the pillow. "I'll just go check on her. Be right back."

I leave our bedroom and meander haphazardly down the hallway, stumbling as if I've been drinking all night. The hall light is so bright when I switch it on, my eyes instinctively closing to a fine squint. My head is pounding and Sophia's whimpers sound like they are coming from millions of miles away. Every cry…every plea for me sounds muffled, my daughter's voice echoing in the distance. I am right down the hall, but I can't get to her. I can't protect her. I can't save her.

Oh, but wait. Sophia is not the one who needs to be saved. My beautiful, little girl is not in any danger. It's the other little girl. The one I see when I close my eyes.

This little girl is walking just as I do, her braided pigtails flapping in the breeze as she smiles up at the clouds. She is a dreamer…an optimistic, little firecracker who believes she can change the world. She's a ray of sunshine, her dimpled smile and heart of gold winning everyone over.

I round the corner towards Sophia's room and push open the door, closing my eyes to watch another door swing open. "We're home from school, Mom," I hear a young boy say as he helps the little girl remove her backpack. I know this boy…this boy with pale skin and freckles, his blue eyes so bright they almost hurt to look at. It's my brother. It's Timothy. Which means…the little girl is me.

A sense of panic rises from deep within me as I come to this realization, and I open my eyes in a desperate attempt to stop the memories from invading. But this little girl won't let them stop. The seven year old version of myself is just dying to break free…for someone to remember her and acknowledge her pain. She turns towards me and smiles, the same bright blue eyes as her brother meeting my own. "Come on, Arizona," I hear Timothy calling in the distance, those eyes continuing to stare at me for a moment before the little girl turns and skips off with her brother.

"Mom? Mommy…where are you?" I hear a sweet voice ask, the same question being echoed by another little girl. I am caught between two worlds…between the past and present, my head still pounding as I try to decipher which is reality.

"Mommy…Mama," Sophia screams this time, finally breaking me from my memory-induced trance. "I needa go potty," my baby girl cries, tears streaming down her face. I move towards her, rapidly blinking back my own tears. "I called you lots a times, Mommy. Why you not come for me?" she asks, breaking my heart.

"Oh…come here, sweetie," I say as I lift Sophia up into my arms, my body naturally swaying back and forth. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. Mommy just sort of got…caught up," I tell her, swallowing the giant lump in my throat.

Sophia looks at me with doubt in her eyes, unsure of what is going on. Those big, brown orbs study my face for a moment before they move across the room to where Callie is standing. "Mama…" Sophia wails nervously, her tiny body twitching in anticipation. "I wanna see my mama," she says, looking at me as if I'm not her mother.

I cringe, the pain caused by my daughter's rejection like a knife to the heart. But I can't blame her. Children are very perceptive, and all my peanut knows is that I'm not the same mommy I was this morning. Her mommy doesn't stand in the doorway and watch her cry. Her mommy doesn't look like this.

I catch a glimpse of myself in Sophia's mirror and gasp. I am a mess. My eyes are red and puffy…my skin unusually pale. I look like a ghost. I feel like a ghost, my past haunting me in ways I never imagined. I pull my fingers up to my face, touching my cheek to be sure the vision in the mirror is really me. Behind my own reflection, I can see Callie watching me with concern, her eyes trying to reach mine. I turn my head and just stare into those warm, chocolate orbs, wishing more than anything I could connect with her. But I can't. I don't dare look past the surface of the brown eyes before me for fear of breaking. I can't break…not now, not yet, not in front of our daughter.

As quickly as my eyes meet Callie's, they look away, my head turned back to face the ghost in the mirror. I stare into my own eyes now, the baby blues of a little girl looking back at me in terror. "We need to call for help," a familiar voice echoes in my head, an image of my mother lying in a bloody heap on the floor flashing before my eyes. "Arizona…get the phone, Arizona," Timothy calls to me in desperation, tears streaming down his face. But I am frozen, just as I am now…unable to move, or speak, or do anything besides cry.

I feel a hand reach out and touch my shoulder, my wife's sad eyes meeting mine once more. "Oh, Arizona," she cries as she wipes the tears from under my eyes, our souls connecting for a second before our little girl begins tugging impatiently on her pant leg.

"I gotta go potty, Mama," Sophia says, looking up at me briefly before she buries her head into Callie's thigh.

"Okay, baby. I'll meet you in the bathroom in just a minute," my wife tells our daughter, nudging her until she moves towards the door. Sophia looks over at me again, offering me a small smile as she inches her way out of the room.

"I love you, peanut," I say, breaking free from my trance long enough to smile back at my little girl.

"Love you too, Mommy," Sophia says, the same sadness found in Callie's eyes now clouding her own. "You feel better soon…right, Mommy?"

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, unsure of how to answer my baby's question without lying to her. "I hope so," I finally choke out, knowing those are the only words I can utter in truth at the moment.

"She will," Callie tells Sophia with such determination, a loving smile taking over her face. "Now go wait for me by the potty, okay?" Sophia nods and smiles at her mama before disappearing down the hallway, her absence allowing me to feel the pain once more.

Callie crosses the room to where I am standing and places a tender kiss to my cheek. "I love you more than anything, Arizona," she whispers, her hands holding mine tightly. "Why don't you come back to bed? Let me take care of you…"

"I…I-I can't," I whisper as I pull away from her, turning my back on her love. "I-I'm…I'm sorry, Callie. I just…can't."

Callie doesn't argue or try and convince me any further. Instead, she just kisses my cheek again, letting her lips linger over my skin. "You know where to find me," she whispers before Sophia calls for her again and she turns away from me, leaving me alone with my memories once more.

Knowing my wife will soon be returning our daughter to her bed, I exit Sophia's room and venture down the hallway. Once I reach the living room, I throw a few logs on the fire and wrap myself up in my favorite blanket for both warm and comfort. I know I could easily be wrapped up in Callie's arms instead, but why make her suffer with me? I've already caused her enough pain for one night.

A cold nose on my bare foot indicates that I won't be suffering alone after all. Dorado's bushy tail wags incessantly when I begin stroking his head, his puppy dog eyes looking up at me as I cry. He, too, can tell something is wrong with me, but I am grateful that at least he cannot speak. He can't ask questions, or offer advice, or try to fix things. No one can fix things. No one can fix me.

As I stare into the bright flames before me, the image of my mother covered in blood returns, my memories picking up right where they left off. When I close my eyes, I see my seven year old self kneeling down beside my mom, holding the trembling hand connected to her bruised arm. "Mommy….are you okay, Mommy?" I cry as I watch my mother choke on blood, her face battered almost beyond recognition.

I hear my brother in the background as he searches for the phone, frustration evident in his voice when he cannot find it. "Who did this to you?" he screams as he continues his search, knocking things over left and right. My mother gasps for air, shaking her head in an attempt to get my brother to shut up. But Tim is angry and afraid, and so he just keeps yelling. "Mom….tell me what happened. Tell me who did this."

"I did," I hear a voice bellow from behind us, a man dressed in army fatigues standing in the doorway. "And you'll receive the same treatment if you don't cooperate," the man threatens, poking my brother in the ribs with his rifle. Timothy folds in pain, holding his wounded abdomen as he stares up at this man…the same man who made us eggs and put us on the bus that morning.

"Daddy….what are you doing, Daddy?" I cry, unable to comprehend what is happening.

"Shhh, Ar-Arizona. B-be quiet. Please, baby….j-j-just be quiet and do what he says," my mother pleads, her body shaking on the floor.

The fire crackles, snapping me back to reality. I suck in a deep breath as my eyes come to focus on the world around me…the amber flames, the yellow dog whose head is resting on my lap, the quiet breathing of my son over the monitor. This is my life now. Why can't the past just stay in the past? I've kept these memories hidden inside of me for all these years…why now? Before all of this, I had never been happier in my entire life. My beautiful wife and amazing children bring me so much love and joy, and most days I don't know what I've done to get so lucky. But not today. Today, a war I didn't even fight is destroying my life…again.

The clock in the hall chimes and I whip my head to see the time, catching a glimpse of beautiful, raven hair. Standing in the kitchen with a glass of water in hand is my Calliope. "It's two o'clock," she whispers, the sorrow in her eyes reaching my soul the moment I look over at her. Her beautiful, black hair and soft, caramel skin are striking against the red velvet robe she is wearing, her loose curls framing the most gorgeous face I've ever seen. I love this woman, with all my heart and soul, and seeing the sadness in her big, brown eyes is killing me. It's killing me because I know my pain is the cause of her sadness.

Callie crosses the room and hands me the glass of water, a subtle smile forming on her lips when I take it and my hand brushes hers. "Thank you," I say, once again looking into her mesmerizing orbs. She nods, then watches me swallow every bit of water, my body clearly needing to replace the tears it has lost. After taking the empty glass from my shaky hands, my wife tilts her head to one side and just waits…waits for me to say something- anything.

"I hate my father," I announce rather unexpectedly after a few moments of apprehensive silence, causing Callie's eyes to open wide with surprise. "Sometimes, I just…h-hate him," I tell her, anger building behind a set of fresh tears.

"Arizona…" Callie whispers as she squeezes my hand. "What's happening to your father isn't his fault, honey. He's, he's suffering…and, and he doesn't know that he's hurting anyone. You said it earlier- he's not himself."

"No…no, not now. But he was himself when he signed up for that kind of violence," I say as I remove myself from her grasp and begin to pace the room. "He was himself when he enlisted…when he decided to follow in his father's footsteps. My father chose to be a soldier, Callie. He just had to be a hero."

I am pacing at an almost violent speed now, my heels digging so hard into our wood floors. "It's in his blood, Arizona," Callie says before I can pick up my rant. "The need to serve and protect, to save lives…it's in all of you."

"Yeah, well…where the hell did it ever get anyone, huh?" I practically scream at her, my eyes narrowing in resentment. But it's not Callie that I resent…she just gets to bear the brunt of my frustration. I take a deep breath, willing myself to calm down before I take anymore out on her. "I'm sorry. I-I'm just…I'm sick of being the good man in the storm. I-I'm sick of feeling like I need to fulfill a duty before I fulfill my own desires. Look at what happened with Africa…I, I almost lost you because I couldn't say no to a commitment. What if…"

"There is no what if, Arizona," Callie says, stopping me from going down that road. She steps in front of me, her hand held out to keep me from moving. "You chose me. Maybe not right away…but, but when push came to shove, you chose your commitment to me over the grant. You came back to me."

Her eyes are pleading with me through their tears, her strong hands holding mine so gently as she inches closer. I try to pull away, but she doesn't let me. She tugs on my hands, our eyes locked as she presses her forehead to mine. "What if my dad doesn't come back?" I whisper, swallowing the lump that has formed in my throat. "There's a price to pay for being a Robbins…for upholding the family tradition. Every generation has suffered because of it. I've suffered…I am suffering because of what war has done to my family. My brother, my father, my grandfather...they've all been lost in one way or another. And I can't escape it. My grandfather drowned on the ship I was named after. He drowned, Callie. And right now, I feel like I am drowning too. "

When I am finished with my little speech, I release the hot, bitter tears that I've been trying to keep at bay. I wrap my arms around my wife so tight, clinging to her like a life raft. I didn't want to do this. I don't want to drag her under with me.

"Let me help you…please," Callie begs, her voice cracking. "I'll save you, Arizona. I will do anything I can to save you…to keep you above water. We can do this together. Just talk to me…tell me what your thinking, how you're feeling."

I shake my head back and forth against her chest, willing the memories to stop flooding my mind. But they're there…the blood, my mother's trembling hands, my brother crumbling to the floor in pain, my father looming over us with his gun, the seven year old version of myself cowering in fear. Fuzzy, little clips of my past flash before my eyes and I cringe, not wanting to see the rest of that little girl's nightmare unfold. "I, I can't," I finally choke out, my head still buried deep into the warm, caramel skin I adore. "I c-can't, Callie. I, I don't even know what's real. It's all just bits and pieces…"

"So tell me about the bits and pieces," she demands, pulling my shoulders back until we lock eyes. "Tell me what it is that's keeping you from coming back to bed."

I stand there before her, taking in her words for a moment. Should I lay it all on the line? Let her know what I've been seeing behind my lids all evening? But I don't know what it is that I've been seeing exactly. I don't want to know. "Please, Callie…I, I can't do this. I don't want to remember," I tell her, my desperate voice barely above a whisper."

"But, Arizona…I, I can't help you if you won't let me in," Callie says, pulling me into her body once more. "I'll protect you," she whispers in my ear as she runs her hand down the length of my arm, stopping to weave her fingers through mine.

"Protect me?" I scoff, pulling away from her suddenly. "How can you protect me?" I ask, turning the tables on her in defense. "Can you go back and change what's already happened? Can you bring my dad back? Or, or my brother? Can you bring Timothy back?" I scream at her recklessly, my fists balled up in anger.

Callie swallows hard, remaining silent as the shock of my verbal backlash hits her hard. I can see her eyes welling up and I instantly regret my actions, knowing she is not to blame for any of this. "You want to know how I'm feeling, Calliope?" I ask in a much calmer tone, being sure to look deep into those unbearably sad eyes. "I'm scared out of my mind. Okay? Oh, and you want to know what I'm thinking too…right?"

She swallows another lump, sucking in a deep breath before she is able to look me in the eyes again. But she does. Despite the fact that I am lashing out at her…she looks me in the eyes, blue reflected in deep brown for what feels like an eternity. "I'm…I'm thinking that, that this sucks. That going through all of this right now, when we have a brand new baby, is just too much. It's too much for me. I need to be able to function…to take care of our son, and-and our daughter…to go back to work in a few days. I don't want to let this ruin my life…our life," I choke out, my head hung in despair.

"I am not going to let anything ruin our life," Callie tells me, her hands wrapped firmly around my shoulders to make me listen. I know what she is going to say next. I know that she is going to try and convince me to face the problem head on…to get the help I need. But I'm just not ready for that. I don't want to push her away, but I can't pull her into all of this either. No one should have to go through this.

"Do you love me?" I whisper, tears streaming down my face.

Callie just stares at me in disbelief, those eyes penetrating my soul. "Don't be stupid," she says, a hint of bitterness in her melancholy tone.

"Well, then…just, j-just let me do this my way," I plead, squeezing her hand so she knows this isn't about her. "Please…just give me some time. I just need some time to sort it all out."

I watch as my wife lets the words sink in, her beautiful eyes closed as she contemplates what course of action to take. I'm sure she doesn't want to let it go. I'm sure she wants to keep pushing and pushing, until I break and she can heal me. She wants so badly to heal me…to save me. I suppose to save me any further heartache, she gives in. "Okay," Callie says after another moment of silence. My eyebrows go up as I wait for her to continue on. "Whatever you want, baby," she whispers, hanging her head in defeat. "I just have one more question for you."

I let out a deep, agitated sigh, assuming we're about to embark on another argument. "Please…I can't handle anymore tonight, Cal. Can't you just…"

"Do you love me?" she asks quite seriously and in a loud voice, causing me to shut up right away. I tilt my head and narrow my eyes…of course I love her. I love her more than my own life and she knows it. "Then come back to bed," she whispers, her fingers lacing through mine again. "You, you don't have to talk about it…but, but if you love me, you'll come back to bed."

My eyes drop to the floor as I am now the one contemplating how to react, my first instinct to shut her out and stay up all night trying to put the pieces of my memory together. The sooner I figure this all out, the sooner I can move on. But I need to do that alone, and I know she won't let me be alone right now. Hell, I don't want to be alone anymore tonight. I want to be with her. I want to feel safe and loved in the arms of the one person who has ever truly made me feel whole. So I nod in agreement, letting Callie lead me down the hall, our joined hands serving as a lifeline.

I hold tight to that lifeline, my wife's strong hands holding my trembling ones every single second. Even when she reaches over to turn out the light, Callie doesn't break our connection, her body stretching awkwardly to keep her fingers wrapped around mine. It is so dark in our room and just like that little girl, I am afraid. I'm afraid, and exhausted, and I don't know how much longer I can keep fighting to stay above water. I'm drowning in the endless sea of anguish that has been surrounding my family for decades. I feel as if I can't breathe and I gasp for air, my lungs aching almost as much as my heart.

"Shhh…it's okay, baby. Just breathe. I'm here…I'll always be here," Callie promises as she wraps her arms around me from behind.

"I'm so sorry, Calliope," I whisper as I hold tight to the strong lifeline of her hands, my knuckles turning white around her fingers. "I'm so, so sorry for everything."

"Shhh…none of that, Arizona," Callie says, pulling me back against her warm skin. "You don't have to be sorry for anything."

"I love you so much," I tell her, my voice cracking as the tears inevitably fall once more.

"I know," she whispers as her lips come to rest upon my temple. "And you know I love you too. I love you with all my heart, baby."

I take a deep breath and smile slightly, knowing my wife means every word she says. Then I grab the arm that is holding me and pull it up under my chin, my weary head resting on her as sleep begins to take over. If I can just get some rest, maybe I'll feel better. Maybe I'll be able to stop the wheels from turning in my head…stop the memories from haunting my dreams. Maybe not. Maybe there is no escape…no way out of that little girl's nightmare. I close my eyes and let sleep take over my tired, aching body, the blackness behind my lids welcome in comparison to the visions. Callie stays awake to protect me…and I let her, feeling safe for the first time tonight.

But I'm not safe for long. I'm not sure how much sleep I've had when it begins again…when that little girl comes to collect me. "Help….help me," I hear her cry, my mind watching it's past self struggle to break free. I am in a dark place…a very scary, dark place. And Callie isn't there to protect me anymore. No one is there to protect me. I am all alone, trapped inside my own mind.

Chapter 7

Callie's POV:

I wake up, my arms instinctively reaching out for my wife to hold her and comfort her…but she is gone. My eyes shoot open wide as I sit up in a panic, my heart racing when I look around and don't see her at all. Last night was rough, and I had hoped she would still be sleeping. The fact that she is not in bed beside me has me worried.

"Arizona," I call out, a lump forming in my throat when I get no response. I call her again, over and over, my feet moving through our house as quickly as possible.

"Hi, Mama…watcha doin?" Sophia asks as I pass her bedroom, her dress up clothes spread out all across the floor. "You wanna have a tea party with me?"

"Good morning, peanut," I say as I enter her room, placing a tender kiss to that head full of curls. "I would love to have a tea party, but I need to find Mommy first. Have you seen her?"

"Nuh uh," Sophia replies. "Gramma told me to be quiet so Mommy could sleep. Mommy still sleeping?"

"No, baby. Mommy's awake," I tell her, a frown naturally forming on my face at the thought of Arizona suffering all alone somewhere. "Do you know where Grandma is now?"

"She's in Timmy's room, Mama," Sophia says, pointing across the hall. "He was crying."

I rush over to the nursery to check on my little man, feeling a weight lifted off of my chest when I see Barbara giving him a bottle. She is sitting in the rocking chair with Timothy, the bags under her eyes hidden by fresh makeup. "I hope you don't mind," she says when she notices me in the doorway. "I defrosted one of the bags of milk Arizona had in the freezer. He was so upset and I didn't want to wake you. I imagine last night wasn't terribly easy for either of you."

"So, you haven't seen her either then?" I ask, my chest suddenly weighed down again.

"Arizona?" Barbara questions, her brow furrowed. "No, dear…I haven't seen her since she left to feed this little guy last night."

I look over at my son, his eyes straining to see me as he works on finishing his bottle. "Hello, my angel. Mama's here," I say as I approach the rocking chair. Timmy's little legs starting kicking wildly in excitement, his head turned away from the bottle to get a better look at me.

"He sure loves his Mama," Barbara remarks, sitting the baby up in her lap. "Here you go, sweetie."

I take Timothy from my mother in law and hold him close, peppering his tiny face with gentle kisses. "And I love you, too. Yes, my sweet boy. Mama loves you so much." I cradle him in my arms and look down into those bright, blue eyes he inherited from my wife. Timothy stares back at me, nothing but pure, innocent love shining between us.

"He's so beautiful, Callie," Barbara whispers as she comes to stand beside me, placing a loving hand on my shoulder. "Reminds me so much of my Timothy…so sweet, such a happy baby. My son was always such a good boy, and he grew into a fine young man. I'm sure your son will be just like him."

"No…he won't," I say as I pull away from her touch, taking my baby across the room to change his diaper. I can feel Barbara staring at me, her hurt feelings evidenced by the heavy sigh she lets out. "I am sure my son will be a great man, just like Tim," I whisper as I lean over the changing table, keeping my back to Barbara. "But he will never be a soldier. I won't let him follow in your son's footsteps. Not after what I went through last night."

I lift Timothy up into my arms once more, leaving a lingering kiss on his forehead before passing him back to his grandmother. "I'm sorry, Callie," Barbara whispers, blinking back her tears. "I didn't mean to imply that…"

"I know," I say before she can continue. "And I'm sorry, too. I'm sure none of this has been easy for you either. It's just…she's my wife. She's my everything. Seeing her in so much pain last night…it, it was excruciating for me. And now I have no idea where she is…or, or what's going through her mind. All I know is that she is hurting because of something your husband did to her…something you let him do."

"Callie, please…you don't understand," Barbara cries, her blue eyes clouded with emotion.

"No, I don't," I cut in, crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't understand how you could let it go on…whatever it was exactly. She was just a little girl, Barbara. Your little girl…your daughter." At this point my own eyes begin to glaze over, the weight of that statement burdening my already heavy heart.

"You think I don't feel terrible about what happened?" Barbara says, her tone laced with regret. "I am their mother…I should have protected them better. But you have to remember, he is my husband too. He's my everything. I hoped you, more than anyone, would understand that. You look at my daughter they way I look at Daniel, and I know you love Arizona so much. You want to protect her with every fiber of your being…support her, comfort her. It was no different for me. Daniel was in pain, and all I wanted to do was help him. I thought I could handle it, Callie. And then, then it just spiraled out of control. If I could go back and do things differently…"

"But you can't," I interject, turning my back to her again as I rifle through Timmy's dresser. "And as much as I want to understand, Barbara…as much as I love you and Daniel, I love her more. Arizona is the one I'm thinking about…worrying about. I watched a beautiful, happy, strong woman turn into a frail, miserable, terrified little girl last night…and the only thing I care about is making her better. So excuse me while I go look for my wife. I promised her I would always find her, and I am not about to let her down. I think she's been let down enough, don't you?" I ask as I finally turn to face her, the anger building behind my eyes fading when I look at my little boy again.

Barbara's face is streaked with tears, tiny drops staining Timothy's light blue pajamas. "I'll do anything I can to help you, Callie," my mother in law says, avoiding eye contact with me by looking down at her grandson.

"Just take care of your grandchildren while I look for her," I whisper as I hand her the outfit I picked out for Timmy. "Do you think you can do that?"

"Of course," Barbara says, slowly lifting her head until our eyes meet. "Whatever you need."

Just then, a blood curdling scream echoes throughout the house. This guttural cry is one I've only heard once before…the night Arizona and I lost our baby, blood flowing like water in our shower. I would recognize this awful sound anywhere, the anguish behind it going straight to my heart.

"Mama…" Sophia wails in fear, her tiny body trembling in the doorway of the nursery.

"It's okay, peanut," I tell her, scooping her into my arms for a moment. "Mommy is hurt and needs my help, so I'm gonna go take care of her. Okay?"

Sophia looks so afraid, but she puts on a brave face for the woman she loves more than anything in the world. "You will make my mommy feel all better, right Mama?" she asks as she throws her arms around my neck, warm tears hitting my skin. "I want my mommy to be all better now."

"I know. I know, sweetheart," I whisper into her ear, hugging her tight. "I want Mommy to be all better too…and I promise, I'll bring her back to you as soon as I can." I can barely breathe as I choke out those last words, fear of losing Arizona rattling me to the core, just as it did during the miscarriage.

Another terrified scream rips through the air and I put my daughter down at once, closing the nursery door behind me to try and spare my children from the pain of hearing their mother's cries. "Arizona…Arizona, where are you, baby?" I yell as I make my way to the front door. But she is not coming into the house…the living room is completely empty, door locked just as it was when I woke up this morning. I meander through the kitchen and open up the slider to the backyard, my head darting out into the cold air to scan the area for her. When again I find nothing, I turn back around and start walking down the hallway.

This whole time, I assumed she had left…that she had woken up and decided to get away from the ghosts she encountered in this house last night. But when I hear her cry out for the third time, I know how very wrong I was. The sound is coming from our bedroom…the very place I started out in this morning. I was so petrified that Arizona had taken off…run away…bailed. I pictured her crying all alone on our park bench, killing herself by smoking an entire pack of cigarettes, or even sitting at a bar drinking. I was so worried she would get herself into trouble…get hurt, or hurt herself in some way. And now I've come to realize she's been in our very house this whole time.

The hint of a smile forms on my face as those crazy thoughts leave my mind…but the smile, and any feeling of relief that led to is, is very short lived. Because if she's been here all this time and nobody knew it, she's in a much more dangerous place than I ever could have imagined.

I realize just how dark and dangerous this place is when I hear my wife's ragged breathing coming from somewhere deep within the confines of our bedroom. I tiptoe lightly across the floor, being so careful not to make the situation any worse by further scaring her terrified soul. "Arizona…honey, it's me. It's Calliope," I whisper with affection, exactly the way she does when she uses my full name. "I'm going to open the door now," I tell her as I wrap my fingers around the handle to the small space she is hiding in. "Oh my god…Arizona."

Those are the only words that come out of my mouth before my insides are ripped up, my heart torn completely out of my chest when I see the state my wife is in. In this moment, I don't care what kind of trauma Colonel Daniel Robbins went though. I don't care how much Barbara Robbins loves her husband, or how sorry she is for not protecting her kids. I don't care about anything or anyone, but the terrified little girl living inside of my wife. "Help me. Please….help me," Arizona cries, looking up at me as tears stream down her face.

Arizona's POV:

Just as the sun began to peek in through our bedroom window, she was back…that little girl who will always be a part of me. I managed to get a few hours of sleep, my arms wrapped tightly around my wife for protection, before it happened. I rolled over and smiled at the beautiful woman who had held me all night, feeling so grateful for her presence in my life. I remember letting out a heavy sigh, thanking God or whoever it was that allowed me to escape the memories for a while. I felt better…less exhausted, less emotional, less vulnerable.

I leaned in to place a soft kiss to my wife's full lips, only pulling back when she began to stir. "Shhh…go back to sleep, gorgeous," I whispered as I pressed my body against hers, breathing her in. It only took a few moments of laying in Callie's arms before slumber took over again, the warmth of our embrace easing us both into dreamland. Normally, I would welcome the dreams that my wife's loving arms send me into…but not this morning.

Any notion I had of feeling better quickly went out the window the moment my eyes closed again, the adolescent version of myself playing behind my lids immediately.

"What's wrong with you, Daddy?" I scream, my tiny body shaking with fear. "Why are you doing this to us?"

"This one's got a real mouth on her, eh?" my dad snickers as he lights up a cigarette.

"Shut up, Arizona," my brother cries, his eye now swollen shut. Tim's face is battered, much like my mother's, and he is still holding his abdomen. "Please, sis…just do what he tells you to. I don't want you to get hurt."

I glance over at my father, a mixture of emotions written on his face. He appears to be in some sort of trance, tears streaming down his face despite its angry façade. "I-I, I d-d-don't want t-to do this," he stammers, closing his eyes. "Please, Lieutenant Castille. Can't we just take the cong? Why, w-why do we have to hold the women and children?"

My dad then begins pacing the room violently, his hands pressed firmly to the sides of his head as if he's trying to stop his own mind. He pauses in his tracks, does an about face, then bangs his head against the wall. "Shut your mouth and do as you are told, Robbins," he hollers in a deep voice, almost as if he is someone else. "I am your commanding officer and you will follow my instructions. Now tie them up and put them in the back of the truck."

Of course, I have no idea what my father is talking about when the conversation in his mind transfers to his mouth….when the past transfers to the present. I am just seven years old, and all I can see is that my daddy appears to be going crazy.

"Oh, Daniel," I hear my mother whimper, my head turning in her direction. The blood on her face has dried now, the bruises beginning to set in. Her body is rocking back and forth, but I don't see her hands…they are tied behind her back, her arms and legs held to the chair. The heavy rope is digging into her skin, but she continues to try and free herself despite the pain caused by moving.

I run over to her side, pushing my father out of the way to get there. "Let my mommy go…leave her alone," I scream. My father is still entranced for a moment as I begin to untie the ropes, but he quickly notices what's going on and whips in our direction. "Noooo…." I cry as he knocks me to the ground, my face buried in my hands to prevent it from smashing against the hard wood.

The pain of that blow courses through my system and I begin to cry, my mother's pleading voice echoing in the background. My brother rushes to my side, whispering words of comfort for a moment before he, too, is knocked to the ground. My father looms over my small body, the same mix of anger and sorrow on his face. "Please, Daddy…please don't hurt me."

My hands are still covering my face when I jolt awake, and I slowly peek out from behind my fingers to see the real world. I am no longer in that kitchen with my father looming over me, the anguished cries of my mother slowly fading as I come back to the present. I am safe in my wife's arms, temporarily free from the nightmare of my past.

I stare at Calliope's beautiful face, studying every perfect feature in an effort to remind myself that she is real. My fingertips trace her dark eyebrows…the slope of her nose…the outline of her slightly parted lips. She is breathtaking…and she is mine. "She is my wife…and, and this is our house. This is real," I whisper to myself.

After leaving Callie with a soft kiss, careful not to wake her again, I head into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face. I let out a heavy sigh as I bend over the sink, the memory of my dreams still lingering in my mind. Why is this happening to me? Why, after a lifetime of repressing these horrific memories, are they surfacing now? I grab a towel to dry my face and stand up straight, meeting my reflection in the mirror. I can see the fear and sorrow in my own eyes, and the longer I stare at them, the deeper I venture into my soul. It isn't long before the eyes staring back at me in the mirror are those of the little girl…the little girl who is trembling in fear.

"Please, Daddy…please, don't hurt me," I hear the younger version of myself cry again.

"Lieutenant Castille," Timothy shouts as he inches his way towards my father's rifle. I didn't understand what my brother was doing back then, but as the memories invade, all the pieces begin to fit together. "Why don't you let me take this one," Tim says, gesturing towards my trembling body on the floor. "I can tell she is going to be difficult."

"What are you talking about, Tim?" I ask, lifting my face long enough to look into his bright blue eyes. In those eyes, I see the world full of love and trust that I am used to…and for just a moment, I feel safe again. I am too young to comprehend my brother's plan, but as I look into his eyes, I know I must go along with it.

"Trust me, Arizona," I hear him whisper, a little girl's tear-filled eyes meeting mine again in the mirror as I attempt to come back to reality.

I close my lids tight in an effort to try and stop this awful process, relieved when I open them to find nothing but my own reflection before me. "It isn't real. None of this is really happening," I mumble to myself, willing the image in the mirror to remain the same. But the harder I try, the harder it becomes…the longer I look into the large piece of reflective glass, the more my mind unravels.

I stare into the mirror, slowly inching my face closer and closer to the glass in disbelief as my brother appears behind my reflection. This time, he is not the little boy from the memories. He is the man who died serving our country…the person I miss each and every day of my life. "Tim…Timothy, is that really you?" I ask, turning abruptly to catch him as he walks past me.

Once my back is to the mirror, he is gone. The vision of my brother, dressed in the uniform he was buried in, quickly fades, leaving me with a sense of loss and despair. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, my heart stopping in sorrow as I turn back and gaze deep into the mirror once more. And then, I feel it…a feather light touch on my shoulder. I don't have to see him to know he is present, and for the first time in hours, a smile forms on my face. "You really are here, aren't you?" I whisper, taking comfort in the knowledge that Tim is still with me.

"I'll always protect you," the familiar voice of my beloved older brother resonates in the air, so low that you almost can't hear it, yet clear enough to know it's real. But the memories are real too, and the little girl trapped inside them keeps pushing for me to hear another voice. The voice in my mind is that of a little boy…my childhood soul mate…my friend, my confidante, my hero. "I'll always protect you," a much younger Timothy promises me before roughly pulling me off of the floor and shoving me in the direction of our bedrooms.

There is a long and narrow hallway leading to my brother's door, and Tim holds my arms behind my back as he escorts me into the room. "I'll take care of her," Tim yells over his shoulder to my father, still stuck in his role as the lieutenant who forced him to become a monster. Timothy doesn't wait for a response and quickly closes the door behind us, his back pressed up against it as he sucks in a round of deep breaths. "I know this is really confusing, Arizona. And I know you're scared," Tim says once we are safe in the confines of his bedroom.

"What's happening, Tim?" I cry, rubbing the tender spot where I landed on my side. "What's wrong with Daddy? And why are you pretending to help him?"

My brother couldn't even try and explain it all to me back then…I was too young and innocent to understand the effects of war. I knew there were people in my family who had died serving our country…people like my grandfather, but I was always taught that the sacrifice was beautiful and noble. What I came to learn as I grew up was the farthest thing from noble or beautiful. Soldiers being forced to kill innocent people, crimes of hate being committed, damage done to the hearts and souls of good men who just wanted to protect us all. Funny, isn't it? My dad became a soldier to protect people and yet, he is the person we needed protection from. A soldier wounded by trauma …the man I honored and looked up to, was the only human being who ever made me fear for my life. That is, until I met Gary Clarke.

I couldn't explain to Callie why I had frozen when that lunatic came into Ruby's room. Hell, I didn't even know back then. But right now, it all makes sense. These memories were stirring even then, the little girl inside of me very much present on that fateful day. Luckily, I had Callie there to protect me. Without even thinking, she stood between me and the barrel of a gun. She just knew exactly what had to be done, much like my brother knew all those years ago.

"Come on, Arizona…get inside," I hear my brother tell me as I am ripped from reality once more. My body catches up with my mind and I feel my feet moving…slowly moving to the one safe place I can remember. I feel the walls closing in around me in this small, dark space….trapping me, suffocating me.

I try and stay quiet, but I'm afraid and I gasp audibly when I hear my father's voice bellowing right outside my hiding spot. "What are you doing in here, Robbins?" he screams at Tim, the shadow I can see through the tiny slats growing larger as my father steps closer and closer. "Where's the girl?"

"Just leave her alone," Timothy cries, his tone firm despite how terrified he must have been. "She's just a kid." What happens next is too difficult to remember, images of violence flashing quickly behind my lids as I try to block out the memories. Shouting…threatening…demanding…punishing. Violence…blood….fear…pain.

Once again, I am trapped…stuck between the past and the present, afraid that there is no way out. I scream, the sound of my own terror echoing inside the tiny room I have been in for God know how long now. The sound is blood curdling, but I find myself feeling better. Hearing my voice, knowing my lungs still work…that I am still alive, brings me out of the terrible nightmare and into the real world. When I hear a rattling outside the closet door, I start to panic. I close my eyes, the image of my father ripping open another door many years ago. My body is trembling, my breathing ragged as I wait for him to come.

But he doesn't come. My father is not the one on the other side of the door. "Arizona…honey, it's me. It's Calliope," my wife says with affection, her voice cracking a bit. "I'm going to open the door now," she tells me as the handle begins to turn.

"Help me. Please…help me," I cry as the tears trickle down my face, my heart beating hard inside my chest. Callie looks down at me in horror when she sees me, her big brown eyes instantly filling with tears. I am huddled in the far corner of our closet, rocking back and forth with my arms wrapped around my legs.

"Alright…it's alright, baby. Let's get you out of here," Callie whispers, her hands shaking as she pulls me up off the floor. She wraps her arms around me so tight, holding me close against her warm body.

I feel like I am caught in a heavy fog, my body moving so slowly as my mind continues to work on overdrive. I don't know what to do. Don't know how to explain all of this to my wife. She will want an explanation as to why she just found me hiding in our closet, and she deserves one. But I couldn't possibly tell her about my dreams…my nightmarish memories…my encounter with Tim in our bathroom. Could I? It would all seem too crazy. It feels crazy. I feel crazy.

I take a deep breath and open my eyes, slowly removing myself from Callie's arms so I can exit the world of my secret hideaway. Like a zombie, I walk over and sit at the edge of our bed, wiping the last remaining tears from my eyes. "And here I thought coming out of the closet once would be enough," I joke, a nervous grin plastered on my face. I lift my eyes to meet my wife's, noticing the pain behind them…pain I have caused her.

"Arizona…" she cries, kneeling down in front of me. "Don't…just, don't," she says when I keep that fake smile going as if the past few hours haven't happened.

"What?" I ask as I look away from her. "Really, Callie…I'm fine." She arches her eyebrows, giving me her best scowl. "Okay, so I may have had a bad dream. But I'm fine now."

"A bad dream?" she repeats, raising her voice in frustration. "Arizona, come on…I just found you crouched down in the corner of our closet, screaming and crying for help. And, and what? You're just going to try and dismiss it…whatever really happened. You're just going to pretend that everything is okay?"

I think back to my brother…how he pretended everything was okay to protect me. "I said I am fine, Callie," I tell her again, wanting more than anything to keep her from going through the pain with me.

Callie backs away from the bed, her fists balled up in anger. She paces the room for a moment, those beautiful eyes penetrating my soul every time I dare to gaze into them. "Arizona, please. Don't shut me out," she pleads her voice thick with emotion.

"I love you, Calliope," I tell her, meaning every word. "But I can't stand here and argue with you all day. Thank you for helping me get to sleep last night. And thanks for taking care of everything this morning."

Callie opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off before she can even get one word out. "Well, look at the time," I say, glancing down at my watch. "Our son is going to be wondering where his breakfast is…better go feed him." With that, I turn on my heels and walk away. I walk away from the love of my life to protect her…to protect myself…to protect us all.