THE FINAL PROBLEM

Epilogue

When you have eliminated the impossible,
whatever remains,
however improbable,
must be the truth.

- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Liara

"Only a year ago, this great city of London that you can see behind me served as the last battleground between life and death. Now, one year later, the galaxy comes together in memorial for people from all walks of life who united, working together and laying down their lives so we can live in peace and prosperity. Tonight, stay with us for full coverage of London's mass as we gather in silence. Afterwards, join us for exclusive interviews with survivors from that dark part of our collective pa-"

Click.

"Is it true, Councilor, that Commander Shepard tried to warn you about the Reaper Invasion six years ago?"
"Ah yes... the 'rumors'. I have already answered these questions time and time again."
"In a fairly roundabout way, Councilor..."
"~sigh~ What would you have done if a human with a... disturbing military record approached you and demanded resources and attention days after being instated as a Spectre? Mind you, this was shortly after the First Contact war with humanity. We are all aware of Ex-Spectre Shepard's history, as well as her... erm... public profile. Mind you, she does punch problems rather than finding more practical solutions. So when this violent, socially disturbing human began to spout off about massive, omnipresent creatures bent to destroy all life... Of course we didn't take action."
"Yes, but didn't one of these creatures attack the Citadel? Wasn't this proof that the future invasion was true?"
"Would you have believed that ancient biomechanical aliens were going to harvest all life from the Galaxy, based on a single incident?"
"..."
"We didn't either."

Click.

"Protests have started to break out on Earth and the Citadel. Quarians demand that geth be allowed to mourn with organics, stating synthetic life is equal to organic life. However, the quarian-geth demands have proven unpopular with the galactic's majority. After the Reaper Invasion only one year ago to this day, many of the council races are demanding that the Council issue identification cards, galactic position chips, and to pay close attention to any A.I. unit."

'They can't be trusted!' The Salarian Dalatross recently stated. 'How long until synthetic intelligence becomes a threat liken to the Reapers? Have we learned NOTHING after the invasion last year?'

"In non-Council space, many races are taking the law into their own hands, rounding up rogue Geth, robots, and even non-threatening VIs, placing them in internment camps or shutting them down. Ambassador Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy has taken an active stance against what she calls the physical and emotional mistreatment of sentient platforms, demanding all self-thinking life deserves freedom from fear and suffering. She now heads the protests on Earth."

Click.

"This One is lost. This One is wayward. This One wishes to wander aimlessly until This One can wander no more."
"This One has a suggestion. This One cares, and wishes to help."
"This One is afraid help maybe too late."
"This One reminds that help is never too late. The Enklinders have returned. He has resurrected from the dead, and with his mighty hand, joined the final fight to save all from their sins. Join This One in prayer and peace, in the Holy Church of Javik."
"Send a message now and receive your own free copy of The Book of Javik! And remember, your soul can still be save-"

Click.

"... Yeah... I was there. I had my gun with me, Jessie. Fucking thing kept jamming, had to put her aside for one of them M-300 Claymore shotguns. Damn thing nearly ripped my arm off, but you take what you get when those mutated bastards surround you."
"Mr. Massani, what happened after the fight?"
"Eh? Well, my team didn't survive, if that's what you're asking. Reaper wiped 'em clean off the map. One single claw is all it took, smashed them into pudding, and not the tasty kind either. I was about to go down myself, damn thing had its eye fixed on me. I could feel the pulse too, nasty feeling. Like your body is about to get ripped up from the inside out. Then there was this flash in the sky. A loud bang. Blinded everything. Bright as shit. And then that Reaper just... stopped attacking. Hell. The husks stopped gnawin' on everyone's arms too. They all just stopped and looked at us like they just discovered sight or some shit..."
"Did any of them try to talk to you? Or communicate?"
"Fuck if I know. I didn't stop shooting. These zombies tried to kill me just before the bang, not about to wait if they are the friendly kind who like tea and conversation instead of napalm to the face. We cleared out all of London. Some of the Reapers managed to escape back to space. That's when we got word that the Mass Effect fields had fallen apart. Panic. Pure panic."
"And yet, the Reapers came together and helped rebuild the Mass Effect fields..."
"Yeah. I heard about that. And we just kept shootin' 'em until we realized they stopped shooting back. It was like... they turned into those Keeper bugs that live in the Citadel. Just kept coming back to rebuild what they fucked up, without saying a damn thing, no matter how many times we kept tryin' to shoot 'em or kill 'em. They weren't interested in self-preservation. It was weird."
"And now, one year later, the Reapers have all vanished."
"Yeah... wonder what's up with that. But, whatever. You can keep talkin' 'bout the weird, unexplainable shit or you can keep living."
"Do you have any future plans, Mr. Massani?"
"I'm fucking retiring. I'm tired of this bullshit. If any of you need to hire an experienced mercenary, go crawl up someone else's ass. I'm done. And you know I'm talking to you, Shepard."

BOOOOOM!

Several screens briefly lapse to static, the gunshot rattling the interior of the Shadow Broker's base. One moment Liara's haunched over the table, blue eyes flickering from relay to relay, studying the images and meditating on the streaming information. The next, she's tripping on her feet as she stumbles backwards, arms awkwardly swimming in the air as her body answers her panic by wedging her balance. The asari falls fully on her back, cartlidge tentacles bruised by the floor's hard contact, wincing and running her fingers across the soft, supple flesh.

BOOOM!

"What in the name of the goddess..." Liara hushes, blue eyes wide and body recovering from shock. She rolls to her knees, carefully picking her body off the ground. Fingers still flexing the thick tendrils molded against her head, the Shadow Broker steps out into the main room of the base, searching for the suspect in question.

Deep blue eyes glare at the back of a certain human's head. A thick, purple headdress detailed with white swirls hid the human's skull, folded carefully to emulate the curves and contours of hair draping over her shoulders. Blink twice, and you might mistaken this person as Tali'Zorah. Well, if you ignored the person's posture and the fact she was waving around an M-98 Widow sniper rifle like no one's business.

"Shepard, what are you doing?" Liara exasperates.

The woman did not bother turning, leaving the asari to stare with her arms crossed under her breasts.

"Bored."

"... Shepard. Just because you are bored doesn't mean you can shoot the walls whenever you feel like it. How many times do we have to go over thi-"

"BORED!"

Emphasizing her point, Foucault turned around, Sniper Rifle braced in her hands as she single-handedly pulled the trigger and shot the wall near Liara's head, bullet denting the layers of thick metal plates.

The former commander pouted, further reminding Liara that this was not the Shepard she once knew. The original Jane Shepard would never pout, nor would she shoot walls pointlessly, or complain incessantly about being bored. Though, the asari had to remind herself that she did not know Shepard before the Reaper invasion, and it is quite possible that the former commander was just as frustrating and temperamental before giant, omnipresent biomechanical godlike aliens entered the foray to preoccupy her busy, busy, busy brain. Busy busy busy brains, rather. As Shepard is no more just Shepard, but rather a strange amalgamation of both Shepard and Garrus Vakarian.

"Maybe you could try reading a book? You like reading books..." Liara suggests.

"I've read them all."

"Oh now, that's not possib-"

"Liara. I've read them all."

One body, two minds, two pasts, two backgrounds, two giant pools of knowledge and experience. One would imagine that the combination of Garrus Vakarian's patient, calm, wise cracking disposition paired with Commander Shepard's sharp analytical, combative, and observational skills would make her the epitome of all that is good and wise in the universe. Unfortunately, Shepard was no more wise or patient as she was before. Over the past year, Liara had become acquainted with this new person who was neither Garrus or Shepard but Garrus and Shepard, more like adopting their whiny adult child who was neither raised properly nor understood basic social skills.

It made sense, however, as both Garrus and Shepard separately were oddities among their respective species. Garrus Vakarian constantly joked that he was a terrible turian who had little taste for rules, regulations, honor, and the such while Shepard was obviously regarded with hostility and frustration by her own race.

As such, this new person was both a terrible human and a terrible turian.

As great as her flaws were, this woman made up in intellect and observational skills ten fold.

"Nothing to do! Everyone is too busy celebrating how great it is to be at peace. No buzz, no words, no news... a few cases here and there, sure. A few rare highlights every once in a while. Easy pickings, though. But there is still nothing to do... Nothing to mind-practice," Shepard growls, compartmentalizing the widow before unceremoniously tossing it on the ground at Liara's feet. "How do you deal with it?"

"Deal with what?" Liara sighs, fingers massaging the bridge of her nose.

"This... peace. This... quiet. This... mind numbing tranquility," Shepard's shoulders slouch, "It's hateful."

"We manage," Liara mutters, not above a beat. The asari sighs, rolling her eyes and taking back the heavy sniper rifle. Legion had etched his name across the butt stock, uncharacteristic for a synthetic. Though, perhaps, it was his way of learning how to identify with organics.

Shepard sighs, defeated, before flopping onto a swivel chair. The momentum of her drop pushes the chair out onto the floor, picking her legs up as she crosses them half lotus onto the seat's cushion, orbiting the room in a slow draw as the chair pivots. She had long relinquished her armor, choosing to wear a simple black top, grey shorts, and thick varren leather boots. While dressed simply, she still looked odd, patching other clothing and armor together across her frame as reminders of people who had passed away or passed on or moved on or, in the case of Garrus Vakarian, became a part of her. Legion's shoulder guard was recycled, bracing her right arm. Legion's sniper rifle, recycled, Shepard's favorite weapon. Tali's headdress, recycled, adding to the lack of synchrosity that made up her outfit. And then there were Vakarian's tattoos, the only visible markings Shepard wore in her odd outfit of parts and pieces. The blue face paint peeked under unruly brown hair, framed by Tali's purple headdress. She also wore Vakarian's visor, adjusted and customized to fit her face, an ever reminder that Shepard was no longer Shepard, but in fact Garrus as well.

"Ugh... Spirits..." Shepard groans, rolling off of the chair and onto her back, grey eyes fixed on Liara's face from her upside-down perspective. "I need to exercise my mind. If I don't exercise my mind, it will turn into a bowl of mush. Two minds, Liara. Two brilliant minds make up THIS mind... I wouldn't expect you to understand..."

Liara rolls her eyes. It wasn't an asari expression, but it felt damn good and she had borrowed that human expression for a very long time. "Well... We still need to find more recruits for the Archangel Unit..."

"What about the memos I sent?" Shepard responds.

"Err... Well... Tali is too busy trying to stop a possible all out war between synthetics and organics yet again, Zaeed's retired and reminded me to tell you that he's uninterested... as delightfully as I could. No word from Kasumi, though I imagine it's because she's too busy stealing a planet."

"... A planet...?"

Liara sniffs. "Yes. A planet. Well... A dwarf planet... made up entirely of diamond."

"Sounds like Kasumi," Shepard sighs. "What about the others?"

"Jacob has a family, Shepard. He's not interested in almost getting killed again. By your orders. Though he is willing to have a drink in the near future, if you happen to stop by Eden Pri-"

"BORING. What else?"

"Miranda wishes you luck, though wants to spend more time on her own project. Something about synthesizing technology with biochemistry, in an effort to help the quarians. She also would love if you could pay her a visit on Illium, since she's interested in running a few tests..."

"..What test-... Wait. Does she know?" Shepard peers up at Liara, accusingly. "About... you know... The whole two-minds-one-person thing?"

"... Shepard, of course she knows. She's Miranda. She's been keeping tabs on you since the day you were 'born'."

The former commander groans, "I wish she'd just go adopt a baby instead of treating me like her baby. Fine. Whatever. What else do we have?"

"... Wrex expects you to understand he has too much on his plate to run off of Tuchanka and go on delightful, adventurous hijinks. Though he extends an invitation to his expecting child's welcoming ceremony."

The human groans, rolling on the ground before stopping at her belly like an overgrown child. "He's had one hundred children so far. How many welcoming ceremonies does he expect me to attend? They are all the same. And lord knows he's running out of names. I mean what, there's Jenny, Jane, Janey, Shep, Sheppy, Shepardio, Garr, Mordin, Mordinia, Mordy, Mo-"

"Yes yes, I know, Shepard. It's not necessary to name them all off..."

"-Ordik, Sol, Solu-.. Eh? Oh, all right, fine. What else do you have?"

Liara clears her throat, one brow perks as Shepard proceeds to cross her legs on the floor, rocking back and forth and staring at the asari like an expecting little girl ready for story time. "Grunt has expressed some interest. But he's busy breeding, and he thought you'd understand."

"Fucking teenagers.. only one thing on their mind..."

"... Samara extends her blessings, and is willing to help within limits... Justicar code and all that. Kaiden and James Vega are both too busy with their own missions as a spectres. Kaiden would like you to start looking into a current murder investigation involving a human politician tha-"

"It wasn't a murder, it was an accident. He had an allergic reaction to a... er... encounter. In bed. With a drell. Person. It was actually a male, based on the evidence. So no, he wasn't poisoned, just tripping on balls, probably hallucinating about geth unicorns before tripping and hitting a knife to the face. Really, it's very cut and dry. I don't know why Kaiden still insists it's a murder."

"... Right," Liara groans. "It is still worth looking into, though.."

"No it's not. It really isn't," Shepard corrects, lips twisted into a petulant pout.

The asari shakes her head and continues, "Jack wishes you the best of luck. Says that the academy has her hands tied, but she'd love if you could drop in for another tattoo session in the future."

"Done and done," Shepard whistles, rolling her shoulders. "Still stings like a bitch too. What about Javik?"

"Retired. He wants out of the spotlight. Probably meditating on a remote planet. Wants nothing to do with us or anyone. Mostly avoiding the religious Hanar phenomenon that started in his name."

The commander sighs. "O Eternal Javik, Son of the Enkindlers, Save us from This One's sins... Well, I can't keep the Normandy docked forever, Liara. I'm tired of watching EDI and Joker's weird synthetic-organic experiment. I think they are trying to make the baby and its disgusting how they... look at each other these days."

"You mean, how they love one another?" Liara says nonplussed.

"Ugh, god, yes."

The asari just stares at the former commander in silence, one brow raised with both arms still crossed under her breasts as she evaluated the woman. The human only returned that stare, lips turned and hands clutching her feet from her seat on the floor, the harsh details of her visor spinning and ticking off random information involving Liara's current physical state. The Shadow Broker shook her head, one hand wandering up to the tips of her fringe, stroking the tendrils that still ached, bruised after her fall, "Why do I deal with this?"

"Because, Dr. T'soni, I fascinate you. And you are amazing. You may not be that much like me, but you also haaate being bored. You enjoy the adventure I provide, and I've always been good on my word when it comes to delivering adventure," Shepard ventures, grey eyes still fixed on Liara's. She forces a smile, the uncharacteristic flash of white teeth and curved pink lip almost ominous across her pale, human face. Liara's brow perks.

"Shepard. Are you trying to smile?"

"Well... That's what you do when you are... Fine." Shepard stops, nose twisting as she sniffs. "Whatever, you get my point."

T'soni sighs, the air expelling from her lungs and into an expression that has the gravity of a thousand words. I give up. It's true. I'm stuck with her. Through thick and thin. I'll deal. It's fine. Whatever. What else do I have to do, anyways?

"Shadow Broker," the synthesized, buzzing voice of her personal assistant Glyph breaks the uneven silence. Liara perks, regarding luminescent ball of floating light that perks from inside the surveillance office and into the center of the intelligence room. It spins and turns, whirring thoughtfully into delightful clicks, downloading information and processing it. "It has come to Council Space's attention that a several geth units have been hacked and committed self extermination. They were found in a peculiar arrangement"

Shepard's blank expression suddenly turned delightful, her features twisted from a blank canvas to sheer glee. "Is that so? How was it peculiar?"

"The geth units were found arranged, arms extended with wires gutted from their internal compartments. The wires illustrated large wings, suggesting imagery of human angels."

"Council has done nothing?" Liara inquires.

"Quarians and geth are looking into the mystery. The geth's collective memory has been systematically hacked, so there's no surveillance footage or evidence of the perpetrator's identity. Council has not yet determined whether synthetic intelligence is considered a life, and has turned down quarian request to look into the matter. Twelve units were found this morning in London, near the Thames River. Alliance Intelligence is keeping the situation quiet from public news, considering recent protests and unrest between artificial intelligence and organic."

Before Liara could ask further, the former Commander had already spun right up onto her feet by lifting her full weight from her ankles and reached out to collect the asari's shoulders between her hands, jumping up and down like a giddy little girl, bright eyes shining delight and excitement, "A serial killer! We have a serial killer! How delightful is that?! And an experienced hacker serial killer too! Oh, the spirits have answered my prayers. Quick, Dr. T'soni, I will see you on the Normandy's deck, twenty minutes. Ten if you need to collect more information here. I expect to set course for Earth before they start that terrible memorial mass, lord knows I'd rather be anywhere else than there when that happens... Still! We can't keep Alliance Intelligence waiting, can we?"

Shepard's jaw clicked, the excitement a thrill that broke the tension. Shepard collected the Sniper Rifle from the table where Liara laid it, bracing it against her back as she skipped towards the base's docking bay. A half-smile turned Liara's face from a serious, tired expression to a warm, pleasant one - sincerely delighted by her friend's sudden transformation, and personally curious and excited about the prospects of a difficult puzzle that required her advice as much as Commander Shepard's two-minded ability to observe and answer even the most difficult problems.

Shepard was right about one thing. As intolerable as the former commander could be, and as frustrating as she often was, she still managed to provide quite the amount of excitement and adventure.

Romps like these are why Liara will always remain Shepard's constant shadow. Changed or not, Jane 'Foucault' Shepard was still herself and Garrus Vakarian was still himself, an odd mixture that could be a headache during the worst of times, and sheer fun at the best of them.

- Fin

Author's Note ::

This story is not a critique on ME3's ending. I liked the ending. Won't tell you which I chose, but I was perfectly satisfied. I do understand why some people were peeved. It's hard to say goodbye to the characters we've journeyed with for nearly five years. It's really hard to say goodbye.

I wrote this story as a response to the fan outcry. We don't want anyone to die. Not really. It's not fun making that sacrifice. We'd rather our favorites continue to live forever, on and on, immortal and all that, making the perfect choice, the right choice, the choice that you are supposed to make. Hence why I called this story "The Final Problem". This is a reference to the infamous Sherlock Holmes tale where, Arthur Conan Doyle killed a beloved character. Sherlockian Fans were so in love with that brilliant detective, it was just too hard to say goodbye. He's not meant to die. He's meant to live on, perpetually, in our imaginations. Its too bad the Victorians didn't have fanfic. Maybe Doyle would've been let off easier then.

So what is "The Final Problem"? In my opinion, The Final Problem is overcoming death. How do you solve the final problem? Easy. By rewriting it.

So what's your Shepard doing in the post-war? Is s/he controlling Reapers? Settling down? Having kids? All synthesized? Well, Foucault is currently solving mysteries with Dr. T'soni and her Widow sniper rifle. No time for having babies or screwing around. Probably doesn't help that Garrus is now sharing her brain space. Greatest Detective in the Galaxy, anyone? She seems to think so.

So yes. My Shepard becomes Space Sherlock post ME3. I am not ashamed of it, thank you. That was my homage. :)

I illustrated Foucault as she currently appears with her permanent shadow Dr. T'soni on Deviantart. If you'd like to take a peek, feel free to check out my deviantart page. I'm quite proud of the drawing.

And now my favorite part. REVIEW RESPONSE!

Thanatos34
I did notice the indoctrination theory. It's why I ran with it. Mostly because, if Shepard was indoctrinated, what chance in hell did s/he have of getting outta that one? Once you are indoctrinated you are toast. Fun exploration.

Wicked Child
Thank you. Foucault's flawed, but that's why I love her. Her flaws make her fun to write. And I'm terrible at romantic cliches. Or romance in general.

Ryuou
It was fun to write. :)

Honoo Girl
More renegade fics. I really don't find them. Or at least, Badass Shepards that aren't likable. I like my heroes extremely flawed and even nasty.

Lesatho
Thank you. :) The story did start as a short, but I've expanded it. Really fun.

Random Reader
I love Sherlock. Worst crush on the world for him, really. All interpretations. When I made up Shepard, Sherlock served as the main inspiration.

Anonymous
Writing a story about an autistic personality was difficult but a fun romp. Still exploring Shepard, prior to The Final Problem's conclusion. You can read Patchwork Girl if you are still interested in what I do with her later.

Hawthorn Song
Thank you :)

Pride of ZAFT
I hope the full conclusion of this story has answered all of your questions.

Peres
Did you end up making a Renegade Shep for yourself? I hope it turned out fun!

KetalaLindemann
Awww, thank you!

PSG1JOHN
I had a lot of fun writing it. :) And the endings aren't that bad, not really. It's just hard to say goodbye to the characters we love.

Rshep
Thank you. If there are anymore stories about indoctrination, please toss them my way. Open to suggestions, and I'm curious what other people came up with.

Col. Foley
Oh hell yeah I did. :)

Raven Jadewolfe
Just take her to The Citadel and merge with her brain. A typical day in the life of Vakarian.

Sylnnn
Garrus is a grown boy. If he really needs to off Sidonis, then he can make that decision for himself. And I agree. I'm not a big fan of the 'I MUST SAVE GARRUS' deal. Save him from what? Being himself? You can't save people from themselves, nor should you force them to change. It's not realistic nor is it fair.

Franki4160
Your review helped me snap out of my writer's block. I was having a hard time penning this story to completion, and going back to this got me back into the mood. So thank you for cheering me up!

Elesey
I hope you liked the ending. :) It was fun to write, and I really appreciate the compliments! thank you so much. writing fanfic is like therapy, and the end results always feel really really great.

Meg Krios
Personally, I'm not good at romance. I mean, it can be done well, but I personally choose not to write it from a purely romantic angle. I'm more interested in the depths of partners and friends. When you take sex out of the equation, a relationship built purely on personality and friendship just fascinates me.

imdoingthisformyfriend
Awwww, thank you so much! Your review made me blush. I do love writing Garrus, especially since he's one of my top three favorite characters (just under Mordin and Legion). I enjoy exploring him, he's interesting. I guess when he admitted that he wasn't a good turian either in ME2 or ME3, I was even more interested in his character. He seems like a pretty good person to me. How is a good turian suppose to act? What does a bad turian act like? That as fun to explore.

Lady Anaia Lionel
Thank you very very much. It was fun to write, and I'm pleased with it :)

BlossomingSun
Woohoo! Renegades are fun. Perfect comedic timing too. Though, ME3 is less fun for renegades than ME2. Lacks the humor, I suppose.

I think that's all? Anyways, all of you guys and all of your reviews keep me revitalized, happy, and are incredibly encouraging. Everytime I get a new review, I feel like a grew a second pair of wings. It feels wonderful. Thank you :)