You Serious?

BBB

"A date, huh?" Bruce thought out loud, stepping into the shower. "With the Joker? It sounds ridiculous." He laughed painfully, imagining the two on some cheesy romantic dinner, then holding hands while walking on the beach, then… "Ridiculous." He shook his head and turned on the water, attempting to wash those stupid thoughts away. If he was going out as Bruce Wayne with any girl, he might think along those lines. But Joker is a man. A very flamboyant man, and a lunatic, but still a man.

It doesn't have to be in public, maybe just sitting on a rooftop together with some champagne… Dr. Cross's suggestion was a good and simple one, but maybe something a little more personal? Joker likes Batman's toys and has always wanted to see the Batcave… no way, way too soon to let the crazed clown that close. Maybe a ride in the Batmobile would suffice. Champagne sounds good too, supposedly… "Weird." Bruce finished his shower.

The most important thing is finding Joker. Would he still be at the club or one of his other many hideouts? And when he found the jester, how would he convince him to come along without having to physically fight him? When Joker makes up his mind, it's usually the final statement, no questions. Joker's been suicidal lately, as well. What if… what if Batman found him dead? "I should hurry." He put on a clean Batsuit and left without telling Alfred.

BBB

It took the Dark Knight two hours to find the damned clown. After questioning some homeless bystanders, he finally found him sitting in the condemned apartment that he handcuffed him in a few weeks ago. "I always find you in the last place I think of." Batman tried sounding lighthearted. He actually surprised the jester and he jumped up off the bed.

"What the hell do you want?" Joker wasn't exactly pleased. The Bat got a closer look at his rival, seeing that his green hair was a mess, his clothes tattered, his exposed skin covered in bruises, and his eyes puffy and red.

"What happened to you?" Bruce asked, clearly concerned.

"I slipped on a banana peel." The clown seemed listless in his joke-telling. "What do you care?"

"I care when people get hurt." Batman took a step closer.

"According to you, I'm not a person." Joker sat down again. "Just leave. You piss me off."

"Really?" Bruce taunted, though it didn't seem to be getting him anywhere. He needed to use more force. "Come with me."

"I know what that means." The clown held up his wrists. "Back to the crazy house."

"We're not going there." Batman took one of Joker's hands in his own. "We're going somewhere else."

"Shit, I hope it ain't Sing Sing. They love my ass in there." He was still joking as the Bat pulled him up to his feet.

"If you behave, there'll be no need to cuff you." Batman smiled.

"You're acting weird." Joker's brows furrowed. "And if I may say so, I consider myself an expert on the subject."

"Say whatever you like." He took the jester and they jumped out the window landing next to the Batmobile. "Just don't touch anything." He opened the passenger door for Joker.

"We are going to Sing Sing, aren't we?"

BBB

The two drove down Gotham highway, leaving the city and entering the woods. Joker kept going on about how he didn't want to go back to the prison and about some guys who raped him there while Bats just drove and listened but not all that intently.

"You do realize we're not driving in that direction?" Bruce finally interrupted.

"Then where the hell are we going?" The clown yelled. "Why did I agree to this? I hate you!"

"Is that really how you feel?"

"What are you, a Bat-shrink?" Joker jerked forward a bit as the Batmobile came to a stop. They were stopped on the edge of a cliff, the bay water splashing against the rocks. They could see the whole city from here, and the whole bay. The moon was full and beautiful. "Are we going to do the Thelma and Louise thing?"

"Is death all you think of?" Batman didn't realize how serious that question was until after he asked it.

"I hardly ever thought of anything else." He gave that classic Joker smile, but it washed away as quickly as it came.

"Until recently, right?" Bruce and Joker stared at each other.

"You are such a stalker." The criminal smirked. Suddenly, he jerked forward, as if in pain.

"What's wrong?" The Bat undid his seatbelt and reached over to Joker.

"My water just broke." The Joker looked up and saw Batman's deadpan face. The clown burst out laughing, though still in pain. "You're so boring. I got in a fight."

"What?" The hero was disappointed. He removed Joker's hand from his side and saw blood staining his purple clothes. "Joker…"

"I didn't start it!" The jester explained. "I was just walking around minding my own business and some of my old cronies pulled some knives on me. They wanted to get paid, and so I did just that. With interest." He giggled.

"You… killed them?" Batman stuttered. I knew he wouldn't change.

"It was self-defense, judge." Joker knew what the man was thinking. "Even though I'm feeling pretty shitty these days, I don't want to be killed by losers."

"Joker…" Bruce shook his head. He can't help feeling a little guilty for all of this, even though it's not really his fault. "Unbutton your shirt."

"Oh my…" The clown knew what for, but played it up anyway. "I guess one more before Sing Sing won't hurt."

"I'm not taking you to jail." The Bat pulled out a disinfected bandage from his belt and found the wound on that pale skin, sticking it on. "Good, it's not so deep."

"Whoop-dee-doo." Joker hissed as the disinfectant stung his skin. "Anyway, why are we here?"

"I thought…" Bruce didn't really know what to say. He didn't want to mention that Dr. Cross helped him out; he didn't want to put her in potential danger if this didn't work out. "I thought it'd be nice to take a short vacation."

"Are you serious?" Joker scoffed. "Are you really Batman?"

"I'm being… my other self." The Bat was careful with his word choices. "He's better than you think." He pressed a button and the compartment between their seats opened, revealing a small bottle of wine and two glasses. "Drink?"

"Holy shit." Joker seemed embarrassed, putting his head in his hand.

"I'll take that as a yes." Batman took the bottle and poured half a glass for the Clown Prince. "Don't spill it."

"Is this your idea of a date?" The jester took the glass.

"It's… the best we can do." He poured a glass for himself, remembering what both Joker and the doctor said: their relationship can never be normal.

"Aw, you…" The clown giggled and flicked his wrist. "A toast, then, to the most dysfunctional couple in town!"

"You forgive me, then?" Their glasses clinked.

"Of course!" Joker seemed 'normal' again. "And, even though I definitely didn't do anything wrong, I'll a-a-apologize too." He choked on that word.

"Just when I thought I'd heard it all from you." Bruce took a sip.

"Not everything." The jester drank all the wine in one shot. "I have more out-of-character things to say."

"Like…?"

"Maybe later, after I finished off this booze."

"Joker…"

"Kidding, jeez." Joker paused. "Why did you pick here of all places for our date?"

"It's a nice view, don't you think?"

"Actually…" He poured himself another glass. "It kinda is. You can't see all the useless people from here."

"How can you say that?" The Dark Knight didn't get angry; he was simply curious. "They all have jobs to do; they all contribute to society, even the homeless."

"And my job…" The criminal smiled evilly. "Is to bring chaos to their boring routines."

"But why must you kill?" Batman sighed. "I don't understand."

"Apparently, it'll take a few more years if you don't get it by now."

"You haven't really changed, have you?" Batman took another drink.

"Guess not." Joker drank as well. "I tried, though."

"Please try again. This time, with medicine and therapy."

"Do you really think that stuff works?"

"You have to believe it works, and believe in yourself to commit to it."

"Thanks for that, Oprah." The jester replied. "But if I do that, I'll no longer be my amazing self."

"That's not true." The hero said. "I'm sure that you'd still be as unfunny as you are now."

"Man, you are on a roll tonight." Joker laughed. "Hey, which one of these buttons is the radio?"

"That one." Batman allowed the clown the honor of pushing it. He tuned it to find the smooth jazz station. "Good choice."

"Perfect porn music." Joker finishes the wine as the Bat shakes his head but grins.

"So…" Bruce finishes his glass, too. "What have you been thinking about in the past months?"

"I thought you knew, Bat-stalker." The crazy clown sighed. "I've been thinking about you, of course."

"I gathered that." Bats put his glass down. "I was asking about the specifics."

"You know, if I wanted to talk about it, I would have with the Gretch." He nicknamed Dr. Whistler. "It's embarrassing." He sounded like a valley-girl.

"That's what's puzzling me." Batman said. "I would think that you would be happy to announce such a thing to the whole world." He could imagine the madman running through the halls of Arkham crying out his sexual attraction to Batman and feel no shame, or at least kiss-and-tell after their first encounter. But no, he was being quiet and respectful about the whole thing, keeping their moments as private as possible and not telling anyone, not even his stooges about it.

"You think I'm that much of a whore?"

"You do have a massive ego. It would certainly feed it."

"You'd think so." Joker squirmed in his seat. "But my ego has been taking hits from all this."

"Why?" The Bat asked. He didn't get it. Joker got Batman to enjoy his sexual company, enough to keep coming back for more and to mend things by going on this date.

"Because, believe it or not, and I know you won't…" The prince sighed, turning away from those blue eyes. "I've been feeling… guilty. You were sweet all those times we did it, and I felt like I didn't deserve it. You were right. After all the shit I did to you… that's why I was wallowing around in the asylum. It wasn't because I wanted you; it was because I knew I didn't deserve you."

Bruce was shocked. He sat there silent for a long time. The Joker was finally feeling guilt? That was amazing. Maybe he really can be rehabilitated. This was an amazing breakthrough in the crazy man's life, and hopefully will lead to more good news. Still, it was kind of sad hearing the clown say he wasn't deserved.

"I hate all this serious talk!" Joker threaded his hands through his hair and pulled it slightly, not appreciating the silence. "I feel like I'm in an after-school special." Bruce reached over and took Joker's gloved hands in his own, making him look into his eyes once more.

"Everyone deserves to be loved, Joker." Batman took the clown's gloves off. "Everyone deserves to live, to be given a second chance. So let me help you. Please…" He kissed the scars on the prince's fingers, just what he didn't want him to do. Joker's face flushed red. "Do it for me. I… I love you, Joker." He said it. He admits it.

"You… serious?" The jester felt this weird wave go through him.

"I am. Don't you believe me?" Batman stole Joker's line.

"You Bat-shithead." He smiled genuinely. "Since I love you too, I'll try again. For you."

"Thank you." The Bat leaned in and kissed his clown passionately, cupping his head in his leather-clad hands. The kiss felt like their first, like they were starting over. Bruce ran his fingers through the green and surprisingly thick hair while Joker clashed his tongue with his Bat's, the slow war ending as a stalemate. They pulled away for air.

"How are we gonna fuck in this little car?" Joker asked, taking off his tattered coat. Batman pressed a button and the interior of the vehicle changed; the compartment in the middle folded down under the seats and they became one. The space between the seats and the dashboard became a foot longer, and the buttons and steering wheel folded away as well, leaving plenty of room for the two to start their fun. "It's a fucking Pimp-mobile!" He laughed.

"It's for medical purposes." The Dark Knight clarified.

"Not anymore." Joker pulled Bats in for another sweet kiss, this time being able to close the gap between their bodies. Batman took off his cape and belt and pushed the clown into a lying position, eagerly kissing his pale neck. The jester moaned hotly, his pants already feeling tight. "Bats…" The Bat started undoing the buttons of the orange shirt. "Just rip it off. It's torn, anyway." He complied, tearing the fabric away plus the bottoms. He pulled away for a second, admiring the bruised, scarred, and yet beautiful body before him. He reminded himself to be careful as he just bandaged an open wound. "What?"

"I never touched you before." Bruce said, taking off his gloves.

"Careful, you might get rabies." The crazy man joked. The Bat reached down and ran his bare hands down Joker's neck, shoulders, and chest, stopping to tweak and squeeze his nipples. Joker squirmed a little, blushing furiously and moaning like a virgin. Bruce smiled at this, and replaced his hands with his mouth. "Ooh, shit…" The Dark Knight started kissing and touching him all over, amazed at how soft the stark white skin actually was. He specifically kissed the scars, reminding the prince that he was loved and desired. The clown pushed his hips up, wanting to be touched there. Batman grasped Joker's hard penis and gave it a long, slow stroke. "Nnnngh…"

"Joker…" Bruce sped up his hand, using the other one to pull down his uniform. He put their cocks together and stroked them both vigorously. They both groaned loudly as they came together. Batman leaned over Joker, putting his hands on either side of his head. "What's your real name?"

"I'm sorry, what?" Joker looked up.

"Your real name." The Bat asked. "What is it? Just the first."

"I knew you would ask. Of course you'd never tell me your name in return…?" The jester got that angry Bat-glare. "Jack."

"Jack?"

"Yeah, Jack, as in the other playing card that starts with 'J' but isn't as awesome?"

"It suits you." Bats smiled. "Can I call you that?"

"Meh, I guess." The prince shrugged. "But only you can call me that, and don't tell anybody!"

"Right." The Bat leaned down to kiss the newly named 'Jack'. He pulled out the lube and was about to rub it inside the Joker.

"Oh, please, just put it in. I've been waiting long enough!" Jack took Bruce's length in his hand, pointing it to his entrance. Batman agreed, and oiled himself up completely. He thrust the head inside and they both gasped; the two really have waited long enough. Joker wrapped his arms around his Bat's neck, pulling him in further into his tight hole. "Holy fuck, Batman."

"Jack…" Bruce really loved saying that. He thrust in all the way, knowing Joker could handle the momentary pain. After a slight yelp in pain and a few deep breaths, Batman started moving in and out slowly but powerfully. He was already hitting the clown's prostate.

"AAAH!" Joker cried. He bucked his hips with Batman's, the two creating a hard and ever faster rhythm. It was all so hot, so wet; they were finding it hard to breathe. And this time, the criminal felt complete. This time, Joker had the Bat and they loved each other. And, of course, they had lube. "Bats… coming…"

"Me too, Jack." The Dark Knight whispered lovingly and felt Joker release in between them. Batman came seconds after, so deep inside the clown. "I love you Jack." He gently kissed his jester.

"Aw, I bet you say that to all the crazy clowns." The criminal said between breaths.

"You are… going to try to rehabilitate, right?" The Bat was still concerned.

"You bastard. You just made up with me to make me get fixed." Joker smirked. "It worked."

"Really?"

"Yes, I'll go it, Gawd!" Jack rolled his eyes. "But first…" He sat up on his elbows and whispered in Bruce's ear. "Seconds?"

"You serious?"

BBB

A/N: OMG, sorry that took so long. No excuses. This is the end! There may be an epilogue; don't anticipate it much. Thank you for all the support! Kisses!

Love, Taru-chan