A Hard Day's Night

Disclaimer: I don't own anything connecting to the show.

Summary: Episode tag to "Countermeasures" 10/1. The conversation with Austin at the end of the episode made Calleigh realize some things and this realization prompts a serious turning point in her relationship with Ryan. Established CaRWash

Just for clarity's sake, I disregarded the relationships Calleigh had with Jake and Eric. In this little fantasy of mine, Calleigh and Ryan have been together for quite some time.

Ryan closed the door behind him after stepping into the dark apartment. He frowned as he put his keys on the table by the door and took a couple of seconds just to listen to the silence that reigned behind the darkness. It was strange, he noted with unease as he started towards the living room.

When only darkness greeted him there, too, he reached for his phone in his pocket and was ready to dial when something caught his eyes. At the other end of the room, in the bay window, the natural light of the night was painting shining gold in pale silver.

Ryan wanted to call out to the woman sitting among the cushions in the window but something held him back. So instead disturbing the silence, he walked up to the window then took a seat facing the woman.

For a long moment, he just sat there watching her profile. Her body was facing him but her head was turned to look at the busy street of Miami down below. She was obviously deep in thoughts and if she was aware of his presence, she didn't show any sign of it. It wasn't until a heavy sigh escaped her lips that Ryan reach out to touch her hand.

She took her time to turn her head toward him, his presence not getting her off guard after all. Pools of troubled blue greeted him when he finally was able to look into her eyes. They were shining with unshed tears and her features were tense with the effort to keep them at bay.

Suddenly he was at a loss as what to say but it seemed that he wasn't expected to say anything because the moment their eyes met, the woman's lips trembled and Ryan didn't waist any time to pull her into his arms. He held her while silent sobs shook her body, her hands clenching into the back of his shirt, her tears staining the front of it. And while the night traffic rushed on beneath the window, he held her in the darkness of their apartment, waiting for the stress of the day to leave her body.

"Want to talk about it?" he finally asked in a low voice when he could feel her breathing even out. Long silence followed his question. She didn't move from her spot in his arms, head resting on his shoulder. "Calleigh?"

"Have you ever thought about that we give too much to this job?"

Though he got a question to his question, he didn't stop to think before answering, "Every day."

His answer surprised Calleigh and she lifted her head from his shoulder to give him a questioning look. She looked uncharacteristically disheveled and Ryan couldn't help reaching out to smooth down her hair.

"Cal, we're living in a secret relationship," he set to elaborate on his previous short answer. "Not even our closest friends know about us. And I for one am fairly sure that if we worked as lawyers, doctors or, I don't know, teachers, we've been married already with three kids." Well, truth was that he'd had a clear image of their future only after a couple of months of dating… almost six years ago. He was ready to propose by their first anniversary and he was pretty sure that she would have said yes, had he asked her. "So, yes, I think about it every time we kiss goodbye in the morning to go to work in separate cars…"

They hadn't given too much to the job. They'd given everything.

"You want children?" Calleigh blinked at him stunned.

Ryan found it strange that from all the things he had just told her that was the detail she was concentrating on. He nodded somewhat uncertainly, not knowing what Calleigh's reaction would be to his confession. Calleigh, though, was lost in her own thoughts.

"We've never talked about that," she mused, her eyes losing focus.

"I just figured you'd tell me when you are ready," he explained with an uncertain half-smile before his expression turned serious. "What brought this on?"

"I always assumed that you don't want kids," Calleigh ignored his question as she went on. "But that was okay with me. I wasn't ready. I didn't think I was ready."

Ryan sighed. He was getting worried. "Calleigh," he gently cupped her face to make her look at him. She looked so pale in the moonlight. "What brought this on?"

There was a long silence that followed his question and Ryan had a suspicion that Calleigh was fighting with her tears once again. He'd got her attention at least.

"Austin asked me to take him and his sister home," she told him finally and her voice was indeed heavy with tears. "And I wanted to say yes. God, I wanted to say yes." Embarrassed, she shook her head to free it from Ryan's gentle grasp and blinked a couple of times to stop the tears; then reached up to wipe her eyes.

Ryan watched on shocked finally understanding what troubled her. Suddenly he felt stupid. All they should have done was to talk about these things and he could have spared Calleigh this heartache.

"You thought I'd say no?" Ryan asked finally. "Calleigh, if you want to take in that little boy and his sister then do it." He would welcome any kid if it meant that Calleigh was happy. Hell, he would raise a whole football team if that was what Calleigh wanted. He didn't even care whether they'd be his biologically or not.

Looking back up at him, Calleigh smiled through her tears. "It's not about him. Not really." She shrugged. "He is an extraordinary boy, Ryan. But there was a family waiting for them. Even if I were in the right situation, I couldn't possibly thwart that family's happiness. Austin will be all right," she stated with conviction. "He bonded with me and it was just natural for him to want to stay with me instead of going with a couple of strangers. But he will adapt and I'm sure he'll be happy."

"And what about you?" Ryan felt a little confused. If it wasn't refusing that boy's request that bothered her so much then what was it?

She sighed turning to look out the window. She took her time to answer and Ryan waited with anxious anticipation.

"I just realized that I missed out on so much," she lamented then after a short pause her features contracted with regret and pain. She turned to him. "And I made you miss out on so much, too. I'm sorry, Ryan. I've never really realized that…"

"Hey," Ryan cut her off. "Stop it," he admonished gently. "You are talking nonsense here." So they finally arrived at the heart of the matter; Calleigh wanted to have children… their own children. He couldn't understand her current mood, though.

"Ryan…"

"Are you ready now?" He interrupted her, eager to know her answer.

"What?"

"Are you ready, Calleigh… to start a family?"

"That's what I'm talking about. I might have just run out of time."

Oh. That was what bothered her?

"No." He shook his head dismissively. "That's your exhausted and over-emotional side talking; it doesn't answer my question. Are you ready?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation in her voice. However, the resignation in it worried Ryan. Was she really that convinced that they had run out of time?

He assumed a bright face, consciously ignoring her worries.

"You see, now we can talk."

"Ryan…"

"Without bringing up the 'I'm-too-old-for-you' topic," he sighed exasperatedly. "You're just turning forty," he smiled when he could see the frown appear on Calleigh's face. "You know how many women choose to have babies at that age nowadays? It's completely normal."

"Maybe… But it's not without risk."

"Maybe," he repeated her words. "But it's not impossible, either. No need to talk about it with resignation. Look, we don't have to make a decision today. If you think so, we can go to your doctor and ask her opinion on it. I can buy you every book on the topic or search for every article that has been published. Calleigh, if you want it – if you want to start a family, I'm here. I want it, too."

He could see that she still had her doubts and he could understand that. It was a big decision to make with many things to consider. As far as he was concerned, though, they could do anything they wanted. He was the hopelessly optimistic one after all.

Seeing her hesitation, he was quick to reassure her, "And if you finally decide that you don't want to go through the pregnancy… that you'd rather adopt a child, I'll respect your decision. I'll…"

"No," Calleigh cut him off with a steady voice and Ryan couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face at seeing her Bullet Girl expression – as he liked to call it – on her face. It told him everything; there was no way to stop Calleigh now. "I want it, all of it. It's just…" her voice trailed off, though more because of nervous excitement then uncertainty.

"Scary?" Ryan supplied, understanding her concerns.

"Like hell."

"Well, it never stopped us before."

"It didn't, did it?"

"So?" Ryan prodded, wanting to hear it from her.

"I want to have a baby with you."

Ryan thought that the grin that appeared on his face would split it into two, especially when he could see that same grin mirrored on Calleigh's face. Suddenly he jumped up from his seat and with a swift movement he lifted Calleigh up throwing her on his shoulder.

"Ryan!" Calleigh squealed in surprise. "What are you doing? Put me down."

"No can do," Ryan informed her as he made his way towards the bedroom with Calleigh hanging over his shoulder and hitting his back in protest. However, Ryan could feel the laughter that shook her body. "You want baby. I'll give you baby." At this Calleigh laughed out but her laughter died in another squeal when Ryan threw her on the bed.

"What?" He cocked an amused eyebrow as he hovered above her. "Thought you wanted to start on the baby project right away."

As an answer Calliegh pulled him into a deep kiss. "You thought right," she breathed, grinding her hips into his just to stress her point. Making good use of Ryan's momentary inattentiveness, Calleigh hooked her leg into his and pushing his shoulder, she flipped them so that she was hovering above him. "Just lose the caveman attitude," she warned him before claiming his lips once again.

THE END

I realize that I left a lot of things unexplained here. Maybe I'll try to fill the gaps and add a second chapter later…

Thanks for reading!