Ok so this is the SEQUEL TO LOSING – it's also the 56th chapter also known as the epilogue to losing, I am re-uploading it as the first chapter of the sequel "Losing part II" just so you know where the story begins.

This one shouldn't have been updated until I had finished more of my other stories but I know that this is highly anticipated and I have the ideas swarming my mind and I am an impatient fuck who decided not to make you wait any longer.

Please enjoy and review and let me know if you love it ;) Steff oxox

SIX YEARS LATER (and a bit!)

16TH PRECINCT, Manhattan, New York

Saturday, August 9th 2015

9.12 am

Olivia stared down at her cell phone. Why send a text when he was just feet away behind a closed door.

Need to speak to you, come here, Dad x

He signed it Dad and that meant he wanted to talk to her on a father/daughter basis and not as her superior and that's why he probably didn't want to shout her name across the bullpen.

She had been staring at the screen for a good ten minutes, she was feeling too nauseated to move and was just hoping the feeling would pass soon, Melissa had gotten a bug in school which lead to all her children getting sick and she knew it would be a matter of time before she would get it too, as would Cragen, Elliot, and Anne but right now she knew she had to make her way over to see what her father wanted.

She didn't bother knocking at his door and he smiled when she walked in and sat down in front of the old wooden desk.

"You wanted me?" She asked.

"I sent you that text nearly fifteen minutes ago how come it took you so long?" He asked worried.

"I think I've gotten that bug from the kids." She explained.

"Do you have a fever?" He asked.

"No, I don't think so." She replied.

"The girls had a fever first, then the vomiting." He explained. "They had a twenty four hour fever followed by twenty four hours of vomiting and nausea, have you been sick?" He asked being a typical concerned father even if she was a grown woman.

"No I haven't, anyway, why did you want to see me?" She asked wanting to move the conversation along, she knew he wouldn't have called her into the office without a reason and she wanted to know what that reason was and fast because in all honesty she was worrying.

"I wanted to tell you that I have decided well I already have turned my papers in." He told her.

Her mouth fell wide open. They'd not discussed this before, what would happen when he decided to retire, she thought that she'd probably be someplace else working when that time came and it wouldn't affect her in anyway.

"Liv?" Cragen asked gently as she stared like a goldfish.

Her mouth suddenly clamped shut and she turned a sickly shade of green which had him diving for the waste paper bin and placing it on her knee just in time for her to barf her guts out.

"Ok baby girl." He whispered stroking her back in circular motions in the way Elliot had taught him when she was last pregnant, her last pregnancy had been tougher than the others, she'd been on mandatory bed rest at three months and ended up in hospital at seven unable to move.

"Dad." She croaked wiping her chin just before she vomited again.

A sudden realisation hit Cragen. He'd seen Olivia sick like this before and he stared down at her as she lifted her head feeling a little less green now.

"Ok?" He asked her.

She nodded and he rushed out with the waste paper bin leaving her for a few minutes to think. She felt much better now, even though the sting of vomit in her throat was painful the nauseating feeling had definitely subsided.

Minutes later Cragen came back in and handed her a glass of water and she smiled gratefully as he took back his seat.

"So you were saying?" Olivia asked.

Cragen blinked hard and stared at her disapprovingly.

"What?" She asked.

"Livia... is there ... are you ... could you be pregnant again?"

Olivia turned white again but not because she was going to be sick, because she could easily be pregnant again, she and Elliot still enjoyed a very active sex life, she hadn't even begun going through menopause and they hadn't exactly been careful.

"Liv?"

"I guess ... I guess there is." She whispered hoarsely.

She'd not had her period in two months, she'd put it down to starting to go through the change and decided she'd see a doctor 'when she had a chance'.

"You need to see a doctor, make an appointment." He replied, he needed to know if she was going to be the same as she was two years ago, he'd never seen her looking so frail as she was through her last pregnancy.

"I will, I'll call Melinda first, she did all my pregnancy tests." Olivia replied. "Anyway, you turned in your papers, care to explain further?"

"Yes." He nodded. "Your mother and I have been talking, it's not like I need to work, and to be very honest with you Livia I'm not as fit as I used to be, the long hours and stress isn't good for me and I would like to just settle down and be with my wife and daughter and grandchildren."

"Ok. So do we get a new Captain? Is Munch going to take the job?" She asked as she was worried someone horrible would end up coming in.

"Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about, Munch has refused the job. Said every time I was suspended he hated being in charge." Cragen explained with a slight laugh. "John's here because he wants to be, he's a retired homicide detective who decided to give sex crimes a go."

"And pay four alimony checks to his ex-wives." Olivia sniggered lightly.

"Yeah."

"Ok so who get's it someone new?" She asked not liking the idea of someone new coming and destroying their family unit.

"No, not someone new, at first the brass thought of Elliot but he isn't eligible because of the amount of notes in his jacket."

Olivia frowned, if it wasn't Elliot and it wasn't Munch that meant Fin would be Captain, she wasn't sure she'd be able to take Fin seriously as her superior, he was her baby brother, always had been.

"Olivia, one police plaza asked me if you'd be up for the job." He said seeing her frown.

"M-M-ME?" She stuttered pointing at herself her eyes wide in horror.

"Yes you." He replied smiling gently. "If you want it, then it's yours."

"Me?" She asked again. "Captain?"

"Captain Cragen the second." He beamed making her laugh even though she hadn't quite got over the initial shock.

"What if I don't want it?" She asked eventually her brow furrowed and her eyes fixed on the desk rather than at her father.

"Then they either offer it to Fin or bring in someone new." He explained.

"But what about Elliot, he's my partner." Olivia whispered, the shock was still there but she had questions.

"Ahh, well, one pp realised you'd have an issue there so if you take the job your first job as Captain is to hire two new detectives, Elliot with still be your partner, a second in command to you without the title, he's already a sergeant, you'll still get to work cases together just not as many cases, less of the leg work and more of the commanding." He explained.

"Can I talk to Elliot about it before making a decision?" She asked nervously.

"Yes but one pp want to know by lunch time." He replied.

"Ok, I'll go see Warner first, maybe I'll have two pieces of news to discuss with my husband." Olivia sighed, she and Elliot had not been using any contraception both of them bringing their kids up as Catholics they didn't want to be hypocritical but they'd both said they didn't want any more children.

"Liv what are you going to do if you are?" Cragen asked, she was already clasping her stomach subconsciously rubbing her thumb across.

"Keep it of course." She replied.

"But the doctors ..."

"I know. I know they said there's a chance I could never carry to full term again and I know I'm nearly fifty but I became Catholic Dad, I won't have an abortion, if there is a baby and it's meant to be it will be, it will be God's will." She replied firmly, she'd accepted that the last time she miscarried a pregnancy.

"You had a heck of a pregnancy last time Livia, you could have died." Cragen whispered.

"But I didn't, whatever is meant to be will be, que sera Dad." She replied getting to her feet. "I'll call you as soon as I know."

"You not going to tell Elliot first?" He asked.

"Bar Nikki I always told you first." She smirked.

"Good point, go on, I'll ring Warner give her the heads up that you're on your way." He smiled and she nodded before rushing out needing to know if she was pregnant and fast.

ME's Office, Manhattan, New York

Saturday, August 9th 2015

10.32 am

"You know the drill." Melinda smiled handing Olivia a small tub.

"Yeah I've done it what ... seven times in the past five years?" Olivia laughed gently before walking towards the bathroom thinking over what she had just said, seven pregnancy tests in five years, some negative, some positive.

Five minutes later and Olivia was handing the urine filled pot back to Melinda who dropped in a stick before turning to face Olivia as she sat down on the silver metal stool.

"Liv have you thought about what you're going to do if this is positive?" Melinda asked gently.

"Yes, I'm keeping it, I'm Catholic, bringing my children up to be good Catholic's and we don't believe in abortions." She replied firmly, she'd not always been religious but she and Elliot took the kids to Church every Sunday and she sent her kids to the best Catholic privet school there was in Manhattan and now she believed, listening to the priest week in week out had instilled that belief inside her, and she had spent the years trying to live like a Catholic.

"But Olivia, you've miscarried three times, your last pregnancy had you hospitalised, you know how much risk there is to you and a baby if there is one?" She asked gently, she knew Olivia was trying to do the right thing but as a doctor and a friend she felt it her place to explain the dangers.

"I know Mel, I really do, but if I'm expecting again then I am, if there's a baby and it's meant to be it will be and if I ... if something happens to me because of the baby then that is what will happen." She explained shakily.

"I know, I just don't want anything to happen to you, now do you want me to look?" She asked gently.

"Yeah just tell me." She replied the same thing she'd always replied.

"Well Liv, I can tell you that there's another Cragen-Stabler on the way." She sighed showing the stick to Olivia.

"So I'm pregnant again?" Olivia asked heavily.

"Yeah you're pregnant again Livia." Melinda nodded.

"Gee." Olivia sighed. "Ok, thank you."

"Olivia..." Melinda called as Olivia began to leave just wanting to call her father and break the news to him before going to meet Elliot for brunch.

"Yeah?" Olivia asked her shoulders slouching showing just how hard this was for her.

"You know whatever decision you make I'm ok with that." Melinda smiled reassuringly.

"I know, thanks Mel." Olivia replied before rushing out to the corridor to catch the breath hitched in her lungs.

So many thoughts rushed through her head. She could only remember how awful her last successful pregnancy had been.

"Elliot can you check that the kids are ok?" Olivia called from the basement of their new home. They'd moved because with Olivia expecting again they needed the room and Olivia had wanted a change.

"Your mother is with them!" He called back, did she not know he was fixing a toilet?

"Ok!" She replied as she began to climb the ladder to put the new shade into place for the room which would eventually be an office for herself, Elliot and Don having caught Melissa looking through case files when she was eleven and then getting nightmares about their perps the family had decided to make sure that couldn't happen again, especially with Nicole learning to read and reading anything she could get her hands on, even if she only understood some letters, she'd soon figure it all out.

As she struggled to place the shade over the light a sharp pain shot through her, she was three months pregnant and she wasn't expecting this.

"El!" She yelled as another pain ripped through her abdomen and she dropped the glass shade to grab her small bump before tumbling from the ladder onto the floor and blacking out.

The fall hadn't caused the complications in her pregnancy, it just hadn't help, it was the complications that had caused her fall and eventual blackout and trip to ER followed by being confined to her bed for the rest of her pregnancy, even with young children running around.

"Hey Daddy." Olivia relaxed when she heard her father's usual bark into the phone.

Hey darling, well what's the verdict? His voice was tense and Olivia could tell it was from the nerves.

"Melinda confirms that I am expecting." She said weakly before the tears flooded down her face and she fell forward onto her knees.

Oh baby, hey Liv don't cry, we'll figure this out. Cragen cooed over the phone as he grabbed his keys.

"I don't think I can do this again ... what happens if everything goes bad again or I lose the baby or I die? Daddy I can't do this." She sobbed hard into the phone.

Melinda had heard her sobbing and rushed from her office. She knelt down beside Olivia and gently caressed her back wanting to calm her down, if there was going to be complications in this pregnancy the last thing Olivia wanted was a high blood pressure.

Where are you Olivia? Cragen asked as he rushed towards his car.

"ME's." She replied hoarsely.

I'm on my way, hold tight baby. He replied before hanging up and dialling Elliot, he knew that Olivia needed her husband right now.

"Come on Olivia, come back to the office and sit down." Melinda cooed, she needed to get Olivia off the hardwood floor and into a chair fast so she could check her blood pressure and make sure she wasn't doing any danger to herself or the baby.

Olivia's mind was in turmoil. She followed every order Melinda gave her without questioning but she was scared, petrified even, and she needed her father and her husband and fast.

"Liv I need you to take deep calm breaths for me, your blood pressure's quite high, I want to bring it down in the next ten minutes or I am taking you to the ER." Melinda said firmly, this was her best friend and she wasn't about to let her kill herself or her unborn child or as it would become a joke, children.

When Elliot and Cragen burst into the office Melinda had managed to bring Olivia's blood pressure down. Elliot wrapped his arms around his wife and held her tight as she broke down once more, this time because she knew she wasn't alone and that she was safe.

"Baby it's ok, we'll figure this out." Elliot cooed as Cragen and Melinda stood back and watched.

"What if – what if – what if this baby doesn't make it?" She sobbed, she knew she couldn't deal with another miscarriage.

"Then it doesn't make it, but we need to have hope Olivia." Elliot whispered gently trying to calm her down.

"I want you to take her to see a doctor today, if she doesn't calm down soon she'd going to faint because her blood pressure will sky rocket." Melinda told both Elliot and Cragen.

"We'll do that now." Elliot nodded before scooping Olivia up into his arms and carrying her out the door.

"Thank you Melinda." Cragen smiled weakly before following his daughter and son in law out the door.

OBGYN, Manhattan, New York

Saturday, August 9th 2015

10.41 am

"Well you're definitely pregnant Olivia." Doctor Whitney smiled, she'd been there for all of Olivia's pregnancies.

Olivia just stared at the screen, unsure of what she was actually feeling at that exact moment.

"One or Two?" Elliot asked.

"I'd say just the one this time." Doctor Whitney smiled.

"Yeah that's what you said last time." Olivia laughed. "I won't take your word for it."

"Fair point, your little monsters seemed to enjoy hide and seek." Doctor Whitney laughed back.

"Ok so what now, with everything?" Elliot asked nervously as Doctor Whitney pulled some blue roll for Olivia to clean the gel from her stomach.

"Well I want you to have weekly appointments, just to be safe, I know you won't abort, you made that clear last time but I will be honest with the two of you, the chances are you won't carry to full term but as you're eleven weeks pregnant, get passed the next week and we can begin to relax a little more." Doctor Whitney smiled gently, she wanted to reassure her friend as much as calm the fears of her patient.

"Ok, so get passed the next week." Olivia repeated.

"Yeah, you know all the rules, but I'd be extra careful until we get out of the first trimester and then we'll see how it goes." Doctor Whitney explained.

"Ok, so see you in a week?" Olivia asked sitting up.

"Yup." Doctor Whitney grinned. "See you in a week and calm me any time if there's a problem Olivia."

"I will thank you." Olivia smiled before taking Elliot's hand and going to meet a nervous Don Cragen.

He jumped when he saw them, he'd been sat for nearly thirty minutes collecting thoughts.

"Eleven weeks, once I'm out of the first trimester we can relax a little more." She explained.

"You were twelve weeks last time." He noted, he'd been with Olivia every step of the way for each of her pregnancies.

"Then we wait until the thirteenth, come on, I'm hungry and we have more news to share with you Elliot." Olivia smiled.

"Wait more news to share not a decision to make?" Cragen asked ignoring the confused from fixed on Elliot's brow.

"Yeah, I think it's a decision I need to make on my own Dad, I've made it." She smiled and he broke out into a wide grin confusing Elliot even more.

"Someone ..."

"Let's go for lunch and we'll tell you." Olivia laughed, she was suddenly very happy, a life was growing inside of her, she'd heart the heart beat and seen the picture and she was ecstatic and now she had one more thing to look forward to.

16TH PRECINCT, Manhattan, New York

Saturday, August 9th 2015

4.53 pm

"Don't you dare lift that." Cragen warned from where he was packing more books into a box.

"I wasn't ..."

"Don't lie to me either." He snapped jokingly.

"Ok sorry, force of habit." She smiled picking up one of the photo frames from the desk and leaving the heavy box for Elliot.

She looked down at the photo and grinned as she saw a picture of her family, her very large and still growing family.

The picture sent her to the day it was taken, just one year ago when the family had a barbeque in the back garden. Fin had bought a new digital camera and informed them he wanted a family picture of the Cragen-Stabler, he hadn't had one of all of them together since their new arrivals.

Olivia and Elliot were sat side by side with two year old Alyah also known as Ali on her lap and Elysah also known as Eli on Elliot's lap. Behind them were Melly and Nikki, and beside them were four year old Liliana Christine also known as Lili and Alexandra Charlotte known as Lexi, with Don and Anne kneeling beside them, their perfect family. Melly was eleven now, she'd grown so much in the year since this photograph had been taken, grown both in height and behaviour, she wasn't Mommy's little girl any more. Nicole was six now, she wasn't a baby either, she went to school with her two little sisters who she was very close too because of the almost exact year (bar to days) that was between them, they'd been conceived on the eighteenth of April 2009, the day Elliot and Olivia got married, it had been such a special year for them having Nikki born on the 1st of January 2009 and then the twins born on the 30th December 2009. 'Perfect start and perfect end' Elliot had told her and she had been obliged to agree, it was perfect.

After Lili and Lexi Olivia had miscarried twice, it had been a tough time for both her and Elliot and she'd then decided that she was too old to have any more children and she didn't sleep with Elliot for a long time, both of them ending up arguing with each other because of the pent up sexual tension and when Olivia had finally given in, her miracle babies had been conceived, Alyah Hope and Elysah Joy. When the complications happened she'd been warned that if she made it to full term there was a huge risk of them being still born and she agreed on having them delivered by C-section at Mercy General Hospital on the thirteenth of April 2012, they were three years old now and so far there had been no problems with them being born two weeks sooner than planned.

Ali and Eli were the youngest at the moment, Olivia had been pregnant once since and that ended in a miscarriage at six weeks just two days after she had found out she was pregnant, she'd cried herself to sleep for a week blaming herself and she almost broke down completely, her children got her through it in the end.

Olivia was happy with the family she had, there was no denying that. She had six beautiful children, six little girls who she loved and cherished with all her heart. Then there was still the four Stabler children, Maureen, Kathleen, Elizabeth and Richard (they'd dropped Lizzie and Dickie since they were twelve saying they were too old bar Elliot who refused to call them anything else).

"What are you thinking?" Cragen asked pulling Olivia from her thoughts into the real world.

"We look so happy." She explained turning the photograph round to show him.

"We are so happy." He smiled at her and she nodded in agreement.

"I can't believe how amazing these past six years have been." She whispered. "I know there have been ups and downs along the way with the miscarriages and stuff but I have six happy and healthy daughters, couldn't have asked anyone for anymore."

"I know the feeling, I have a very beautiful and intelligent daughter, a very lovely son in law and six beautiful grandchildren, I know exactly how you feel Olivia." He whispered pulling her into a gentle embrace, they shared moments like this as often as they could, Olivia treasured every minute she got to spend with her father.

"I love you dad." She whispered as he kissed her temple.

"I love you too Liv." He replied pulling out of the embrace. "Now, these, are yours." He smirked handing her the office keys. "Good luck Captain Cragen the second."

"Thank you." She beamed and she watched as he walked out with a box under his arm.

He'd be back in a moment to get more boxes but seeing him walking out made all of this seem all the more real, she was captain now, she was pregnant captain now.

Well the epilogue/first chapter of a sequel, what do you think? Let me know if you want to know what happens next, I have some big and crazy ideas for this sequel but if you think there's no point then I can use them in other stories.

Thanks again for everyone who followed this story and I hope you like the way I'm leaving it (for now)

3 SteffieDawn 3