Collateral Damage

Kagura is doing better, but she's not perfect. She's moving on with her life, just like everyone else, but with a listlessness that seems unique to her own lonely situation. It's not about Kyo anymore—maybe it was never really about Kyo. It's about her own inability to confront the vast future in front of her without wondering where to even begin. Kagura was never one for aimless melancholy, but no matter how she looks at it she can't get around the fact that for the first time in her life she doesn't have purpose.

The curse never held her back from anything she wanted to do, so she's not soaring toward her unfulfilled dreams like the other Sohmas. She's the arrow that wasn't pulled back far enough and falls flat on the grass. Kagura has enrolled in university for the fall, just like she always planned to do, but the action lacks the intense passion she sees around her. She doesn't even know what she wants to study when she gets there. Maybe something with kids. Kagura has always been good with kids.

Everyone else is pairing off and scattering across Japan. Kyo and Tohru left for the mountains only a few days ago, so that Kyo could begin his martial arts education and begin formally working at Kazuma's dojo. They are already engaged. At their farewell party—there have been a lot of farewell parties recently—Kagura wonders if she would have been able to drop everything for Kyo, to follow him into the mountains knowing her own education would go neglected. Kagura knows she would have thought of it as putting her life on hold. Tohru doesn't consider it so. She thinks it's the next chapter, and she's happy just being with him.

When Kagura wishes them the best of luck on their journey, she really means it.

Strangely, after everyone begins to leave, Kagura finds herself spending time with Akito. They didn't cross paths often when the curse was in place. Kagura tried to stay out of her way, and Akito always thought Kagura's infatuation with Kyo was pathetic and amusing enough not to warrant punishment. Their friendship is tentative, and highly contested by Rin, but with Shigure's encouragement they develop a shaky report.

"You should stop going over there," Rin tells her one day. "I still don't trust that bitch. No one just stops being that twisted."

"I know you don't like her. But she's lonely," Kagura replies. "Even with Shigure, she's lonely. Everyone feels the same way that you do, perhaps to a lesser degree. And maybe you're right, maybe she's still messed up. We're all messed up, Isuzu. But none of us are going to get better if we don't reach out. She doesn't have many people to reach out to."

"So she's another pity project," Rin snarls.

Kagura hangs her head, defeated. She can't deny that her friendship with Akito is probably just that, a pity project, a chance for admiration and maybe martyrdom. Kagura falling back into her old pattern because she can't function otherwise.

Rin doesn't bother her about it again, but whenever Kagura comes home from an afternoon with Akito there's always contempt waiting for her at the door.

She's enjoying a Sunday brunch with Akito and Shigure when Momiji bursts in, panting like he'd run home all the way from Germany. The three of them are surprised to see him. Predictably, Shigure is the first to recover.

"Momiji, welcome home!" he says cheerfully. "We weren't expecting you for another week."

Kagura takes in Momiji's frantic state. "Is everything okay? Why are you back so early?"

"Where's Tohru?" he asks.

The three at the table share an awkward glance, as though deciding who is going to answer. Valiant Shigure is the first to look away and face Momiji with the news. "She's gone," he says solemnly. "She's with Kyo. He's beginning his martial arts training so that he can eventually take over Kazuma's dojo. They left a few days ago."

Momiji appears unfazed. "Where?"

"The mountains. I don't know where exactly." Shigure answers the questions with uncharacteristic directness, and even though he must know what this is about, he leaves out the most important part. Kagura is disgusted with him.

"Kazuma will know," Momiji says. He turns on his heel to find Kyo's mentor.

"Momiji, they're engaged!" Kagura blurts out. Shigure shoots her a dark look; clearly, he wanted Kazuma to break the news, probably to keep Akito away from Momiji's inevitable suffering. She's bound to blame herself, in some way, like she does for all of the Sohma's many problems. But, as she watches Momiji crumple into himself, Kagura knows that someone needs to hold Shigure accountable for the collateral damage. No one ever thinks about the collateral damage.

"I'm sorry," Kagura whispers, unsure of why she's apologizing at all.

"It's not your fault," Momiji says after a moment. He's out of breath again, but instead of running across the Sea of Japan someone has kicked him in the chest. When he looks up, his eyes are full of anger that Kagura has never seen in him before. He points to Shigure and steps forward. "It's not your fault, Kagura. It's him. It's all him."

"I don't know what you're talking about," says Shigure.

"You do! You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Momiji cries. "You knew that I loved her, you had to have known. I went along with it because I wanted to break the curse. You convinced us all that we would be happier if the curse was broken. But nothing has changed, Shigure. My mother still doesn't know who I am, I can't have a relationship with my sister, and now I've lost the woman I love. All to break a stupid curse and live happy lives. Well tell me, Shigure, do I look happy to you?"

"No, you're clearly not happy," Shigure says coolly. "But I never told you that you would be happy if the curse was broken. I never told you that you couldn't go after Tohru. You made those assumptions yourself, Momiji. I've done things that I'm not proud of to break the Zodiac curse, but I will not take credit for your unhappiness." Shigure stands up, looming over Momiji. "Quite frankly, I'm disappointed in you. I thought you understood the stakes better than anyone, and your sacrificing Tohru is proof of that. My plan wasn't perfect, but it got the job done, and better than I could have imagined, I must say. I'm sorry if you feel left behind, but maybe it's just because you can't keep up. You've lost sight of the big picture. You're being a selfish brat."

"Shigure, that's enough." Akito stands as well, with an air of authority that Kagura hasn't seen since the curse was broken. A trickle of fear runs down her spine as she realizes that, although she does not have the insidious influence of the Zodiac curse, Akito is still the head of the Sohma household. Suddenly she wishes that she'd let Momiji run to Kazuma.

Akito walks over to them and kneels so that she's face to face with Momiji, who shrunk with each of Shigure's cutting remarks until he was down to microscopic level. "I know that you're upset," she says. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you've made these sacrifices to break the curse. We all made sacrifices, and I don't say that to mitigate yours, but to assure you that we understand better than you know. No one is perfectly happy even though the curse is broken. It's going to take time for that to happen. Perhaps it will never happen. And although he's going about it horribly"—she shoots Shigure a glare—"I think Shigure is trying to put things in perspective. It must be true that Tohru and Kyo love each other deeply, for the curse to break as it did. You also embraced that love. I remember the moment you became separated from me, and I knew it was because of her. If you really love her, Momiji, which I know you do, you'll see that this is what's best for her. It's not about who loves her more. It's about honoring her choice, and she chose the Cat—she chose Kyo."

"But she never knew how I felt. I never gave her the choice," Momiji objects. Even to him, the argument sounds weak.

"You know that's not true," Akito chides. She stands up and offers Momiji her hand. Shigure looks like he's going to burst with pride. Kagura wipes tears from her eyes, surprisingly moved by Akito's growth and the truth in her speech. No, this is not a pity project. Akito doesn't need pitying.

Momiji takes Akito's hand and Kagura sees a sigh of relief ripple through her body. Akito still yearns for the acceptance of her family, and it's gratifying to see her go about it the right way. "Join us," she says, leading him and Shigure over to the table. "Tell us about Germany."

The sun is setting by the time Momiji and Kagura leave the main Sohma compound. It was ancient, and still is, but Shigure has slowly added his own sleek touches to bring the property into the modern age. Akito confided in Kagura only a few days ago that some of the improvements are a bit garish for her taste, but it seemed to make Shigure happy so she was letting him have his way.

Momiji offers a half-hearted chuckle when Kagura shares this information with him. "It seems Shigure is bound to have his way," he says, somewhat bitterly. "But it's good to see how much Akito's grown. She's not even the same person anymore."

"We've become friends, I think," Kagura admits.

"Good. Good for you."

"What are you going to do, now that you're back?"

Momiji shrugs. "Finish high school, I guess. Probably enroll in a university. Maybe I'll go in Germany. I liked it there a lot, and it was nice to be away from…all this."

"Were you happy there?" Kagura asks.

"No."

"Yeah. I wasn't happy at the beach, either."

"We're never going to be happy, Kagura," Momiji sighs. "We've never been happy. It's not a sustainable emotion."

This sounds so unlike Momiji that she becomes alarmed. "It's going to be okay, you know? We'll get through it. You'll get through it, and you'll find a great girl who's going to blow everyone away."

"I know," Momiji says. "I know I'll get over it. I have to. But thinking about that doesn't help me right now." He stops walking. "I had a great girl. In Germany. Her name was Lotte. I knew her for a month, and if it weren't for Tohru I think I could have fallen in love with her."

"Tohru won't keep you from falling in love," Kagura says. She doesn't know if that's entirely true, but it sounds good. "Keep looking, Momiji."

"I wish…" Momiji stops again, looks down at his feet. "I wish we could have been like everyone else."

"Me too," says Kagura. "But that's not how life works. And we will be with other people, one day. Or maybe we won't be. I don't know. But giving up just makes it worse. Now come on, let's get you home."

Momiji's home is in the mountains, but he doesn't say so. He hopes that Kagura's right, and that with time he's bound to move on. He takes her hand and together they walk toward new possibilities.