If They're Related…

All characters and etc. property of Hasbro.

People tell me I'm so calm. Level-headed. Steady…

Cold.

When I about six, I was out walking with my mother down a street in Beijing, when a man rode past on a red bicycle and splashed mud all over me. Angry and embarrassed, I broke free from my mother and chased after the man, screaming and crying the top of my lungs.

The man stopped and turned back to me. When he looked into my tiny, furious face, he gave me a look I'd never seen in an adult: fear. Only for a moment, but it was there.

My mother grabbed my arm, apologized profusely to the man, and dragged me away.

"Why did you apologize to that stupid man?" I shouted. "He ruined my jacket!"

My mother bent down and looked me in the eye. "Always such a fiery child, Aja." Her expression turned grave. "If you don't learn to control your mood swings, no one will ever want to be around you!"

After she took my hand again, I spent the next hour begging her not to be mad at me.

I tapped the index card on the table. "Ok, Terri, I know you can tell me this one. 'What organelles are found only in plant cells?'"

Terri fidgeted with one of her blonde curls. "Oh, I know this one…um, is it a 'vacuole?'"

I shook my head. "No. Try again."

Terri let out a wheezing sigh. "Ugh, I'll never pass this test!"

"Not with that attitude. Come on, Terri; science is your best subject. Let's try again."

Raya entered the den, stopping to lean against the table with her hands in her pockets. "Mrs. Bailey said she's turning in for the night."

I nodded and turned to Terri. "You'll need to get to bed soon, yourself."

"I'll never get this figured out," she moaned.

Raya picked up Terri's textbook. "Ooh, Biology…what were you studying?"

"Cell structures," Terri sighed.

Raya smiled. "Like chloroplasts?"

Terri and I shared a quick glance. "Chloroplasts! That's the one I couldn't think of!" Terri grinned. "Thanks, Raya."

Raya pulled up a chair. "Aja, why don't you take a break? I'll help Terri study."

I shook my head. "That's sweet, but you really don't have to, Raya. The girls aren't your responsibility."

"But I like to help," she replied, as she thumbed her way through the book. "You've all been so wonderful to me since I joined the band. It's the least I can do."

I stretched my legs. "Well, let me get you something to drink."

Raya had already buried her head in the junior high science book. "Oh, gracias. Coffee, please."

"Me too," Terri added.

"Not a chance, kid," I retorted as I headed into the hallway.

As I passed through the darkened foyer of Starlight Mansion, I noticed two shapes pressed against the wall near the front door. "All right, hold it!" I ordered.

I switched on the light to reveal two of our older girls, Anne and Krissie, both dressed in short skirts and long jackets. Krissie rolled he eyes at her companion, who shook like jelly.

"Hi Aja," Anne mumbled. "We were just going out for a little bit."

I groaned. "No, you're not-it's a school night."

Krissie sighed. "I told you this wouldn't work!"

Anne fidgeted with her hands. "Ashley and Deidre went out."

I folded my arms and gave her a well-earned stare down. "They're in college. You're not."

Anne gazed at her shoes. "We talked to Jerrica. She said it was ok."

I tapped my foot. "Thank you for lying to me, Anne. You know as well as I do Jerrica hasn't been home for days."

As my blood boiled, I remembered the words of my mother, and summoned every ounce of self-control to keep myself from showing this girl how angry she'd made me…

How angry Jerrica had made me.

I rubbed my temples and turned away from them. "Go to your room, Anne. You're grounded for the next week."

"But Aja-"

"Now!" I turned back and added, "Krissie, you go to your room too."

"Yes, ma'am." Krissie elbowed Anne. "Nice going!" Anne could only shrug as they slunk back up the stairs.

I gave the baseboard a swift kick with my Shebok before I took a seat on the floor.

Raya found me a few minutes later, with my head in my hands. "When you didn't come back with the coffee, I started to get worried." She sat next to me. "Aja, are you ok?"

"No."

Raya quickly cut to the heart of the matter. "Because of Jem?"

"Her name is Jerrica."

Raya tried to smile. "But she's Jem, too."

I felt the words gush from me, before I could stop them. "Whatever she might think, she's Jerrica Benton. Before the Holograms, before Synergy, before Emmett died, before any of this—she was Jerrica."

"But, she's still Jerrica."

I buried my head in my knees. "Is she? She sure doesn't seem like it anymore. Spending all her time with Riot; ignoring the girls; ignoring Starlight Music. That's not the Jerrica I grew up with."

Raya patted my hand. "But what can you do? It's her life."

"That's just the problem," I groaned. "It's not her life—Jem's hijacked it."

"But they're the same person."

I could sense our conversation going in circles. I reminded myself not to get testy with Raya. She was one of my closest friends, and the only member of the band I hadn't argued with during the recording of our latest album—sessions where Jem, Kimber, and Shana were all distracted and seemed disinterested in being Holograms.

Between Shana's new marriage, and her renewed interest in her fashion career, she hardly had any time for the group.

Kimber's relationship with Sean had grown serious—well, as serious as she ever gets, anyway. She'd made a solo album right before the sessions that depleted her stock of new songs, forcing Shana, Raya, and (mostly) myself to pick up the slack.

And we hardly saw Jem at all anymore.

Me, I didn't have any distractions: my boyfriend was in Europe, and I never saw him.

It didn't matter that I missed him like crazy. He never seemed to care.

I often had to force myself to remember my mother's words in those days.

"Raya?"

"Hmm?"

I swallowed hard. "I'm worried about Jerrica. We need to talk to her, but she won't listen to just me. It has to be all of us." I looked her in the eye. "Can you tell me, in all honesty, you're not worried about her, too?"

She nodded softly. "She's been so strange lately. When she's Jerrica, she's always so short-tempered, and when she's Jem, she's so far away, like she can't even hear you."

I took her hand in mine. "Will you help me?"

Raya bit her lip. "Si. What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing yet. I need to get Shana and Kimber on board."

She choked out a nervous laugh. "Good luck getting Kimber to listen. I see almost as little of her as I see of Jem."

I tried to avoid focusing on the negatives. "Kimber'll listen. She has to. Jerrica's her sister."

"I'm gonna swallow my pride/ Gonna beg you to please, baby, please see me…"

I'd never heard American radio until that day. Years passed before I discovered Aretha Franklin sang the song. Even if I'd known, I couldn't have understood what she sang—I could only speak a few words of English.

We'd arrived in Dallas the day before, as part of the delegation to the martial arts competition. My mother, Yanyu, was a world champion at Kung Fu and Judo, as well as a shining example of Chinese womanhood, and the glories of the Great Leader and his Cultural Revolution.

The fact that she'd married a British missionary and borne his child could be conveniently glossed over, as long as she kept winning medals and trophies.

The increasing senility of the Glorious Chairman seemed to have affected his bureaucrats as well. They allowed Yanyu to take her nine year-old daughter with her to America.

Big mistake.

As Aretha promised to keep tapping on her guy's windowpane, my mother bundled me up and strapped me to her back. With surgical precision, she had removed the glass from our fifth-floor window.

"Hold on tight, Aja, and don't make a sound."

With that, she clambered outside and began scaling the wall.

She pulled me up six floors before reaching the roof. I have no way of knowing if she somehow knew the layout of the building—all I know is, she found a door leading down from the roof. A few minutes later, we were out on the street, and on our way to U.S. government protection.

A few months later, she died of a sudden illness.

You might suppose I'm paranoid to think her death was more than just an unexpected tragedy.

You wouldn't feel that way if you grew up where I did.

I fortified myself with another cup of coffee as I waited. As Raya softly snored on the couch nearby, I thumbed my way through the latest Ramblin' Rock.

I glanced at the grandfather clock: 2:45.

I'd ripped out a photo spread of the Stingers, and had begun folding it into a paper airplane when I heard the car pull up.

I ran over my words one more time in my head.

Kimber's giggles filled the foyer as soon as she opened the door. "Can you believe what that waiter said?"

"Not only can I not believe it, luv, I am in utter disbelief!"

Sean only made Kimber laugh harder. When her giggle fit ended a moment later, I didn't have to be looking at them to know his lips had stopped her.

"Tomorrow at 7?" he asked her.

"Of course."

I walked towards her as she waved good night and closed the door. "Whew, I'm exhausted—oh, Aja?" She stopped in her tracks. "You startled me!"

I gave her a smile. "Sorry about that. I was waiting up for you—we need to talk."

"Gosh, I'm pooped. Can't it wait till morning?" Kimber flung her purse down on the table next to the door and made a show of yawning.

"No, I think we've put it off long enough."

Kimber cocked an eyebrow at me. "This sounds serious."

"It is."

She shrugged. "I don't know what good I am at 3 in the morning, but if you insist...what do you wanna talk about?"

"Not here," I insisted. I led her down the hall to the music room and shut the door behind us.

Kimber parked herself on the piano bench. "What's with all the cloak and dagger stuff, Aja?"

"I just don't want to risk any of the girls hearing us."

She sighed. "What's this all about?"

"Jem."

"What about her?"

I scanned her face to make sure she wasn't trying to jerk me around. "You're kidding, right? What about her? Oh, I don't know—maybe the fact that she's never around here anymore, and when she is, she's never Jerrica."

Kimber tapped out the intro of something by Beethoven—"Für Elise," I think, but it may have been "Moonlight Sonata"—and grumbled, "Nothing you haven't been complaining about for months, then?"

I paced a few quick circles as I tried to keep my cool. "I'm glad to see you're so thrilled with the way she's been acting."

Kimber hit a sour note. "I never said that, Aja. Thanks for putting words in my mouth, though."

I leaned against the piano. "My point is, she's really got me worried, and you know her well enough that you can't possibly look me in the eye and tell me you're not worried too."

I watched her play for a moment, before she lifted her head and gave me a bleary-eyed stare. "Yes, I'm worried."

I nodded. "I need your help. We have to confront Jem. We need to remind her of who she really is—I don't think she knows anymore."

Kimber closed the piano lid. "What do you mean, 'Confront her'? It's not like she's doing anything illegal, is it?"

I fiddled with a nearby music stand. "She doesn't have to be breaking the law to be hurting herself."

"Where are you getting all this Aja? Look, I may not like it, but it's Jem's life to live."

I smirked. "You said it right there, Kimber. It's Jerrica's life, not Jem's."

"Six of one…"

"That's not true, and you know it." I leaned in to face her, but she looked away. "This is all started as, almost, a kind of game. Just a mask for Jerrica to wear—but they're different now, Jem and Jerrica. They're not the same person."

"That's silly."

"Try looking at me and say that."

Kimber pivoted on the stool and faced me. She said nothing.

"Exactly," I muttered.

"Aja, you talk as if Jem's some horrible person!" Kimber grew more animated by the moment, her arms forming a rhythm in time with her words.

"Jem's not horrible—I don't think Riot's been the best influence on her, but you're right, she's a good person. But that doesn't make it healthy. Don't you see that?"

Kimber stood and began flailing her tired arms. "Why are you being such a busybody, Aja? She's not hurting anyone."

"She's hurting our group. You heard the same masters for the new album that I heard. What kind of Jem and the Holograms album doesn't even have Jem on half the tracks?"

"We could have pushed the sessions back, but the rest of you wouldn't agree."

I felt my temples throbbing again. "That wouldn't have made any difference. Look, if neither of you want to be in the band anymore-"

"I never said-"

"Well, I can live with that, but Mrs. Bailey and I can't run Starlight Mansion alone. These days, Jem can hardly be bothered about the girls at all. That's not like her, and it sure as hell isn't like Jerrica!"

Kimber rolled her eyes at me. "This is such a waste of time! You're blowing everything out of proportion."

I folded my arms and tapped my feet. "I'm just telling you what I see going on around me. You might notice if you weren't so busy screwing around with Sean all the time."

She grinned and muttered in a sing-song voice, "'Least I'm getting some…"

I had to remind myself of my mother's words again.

I'd had enough with pussyfooting around. "I can't believe how little you care about your own sister."

Kimber's eyes, cobalt blue streaked with red, flared at me. "What the hell is your problem?"

I took a deep breath. "My 'problem' is, now that Jerrica really needs us, you're proving to be a real disappointment."

"Shut up." Her words were cold and clipped, and I respected her for it.

"Did I touch a nerve?"

Kimber looked to the floor and appeared to focus her thoughts. "If there was really a problem, Synergy would tell us, right?"

"Would she? How do we know? What do we really know about Emmett's work?"

Kimber kicked a music stand over, sending its sheets flying. "Father wouldn't have made something that could hurt Jerrica! Now, knock it off!"

I searched for a more soothing tone. "I loved Emmett too, and I respected him. I don't think Synergy would hurt Jerrica, but I think Jerrica's overusing her, and I'm not sure if Synergy understands that." A thought came to mind. "Why don't we ask her?"

"Who?"

"Synergy."

Kimber threw up her hands. "Aja, it's nearly 3:30 in the morning!"

"But don't you care?"

She wagged her finger in my face. "How dare you say that? She's my sister, remember? Not yours!" Her mouth running faster than her brain, she quickly added. "Butt out of things that aren't your business! You're not part of…"

Kimber closed her mouth, four words too late, and looked away. "Never mind."

I searched through my body, and summoned up every ounce of calm I had-enough to hide a broken heart.

"Go ahead, Kimber. Finish what you were saying." No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hide the tears that streamed down my face.

She hid her face from me. "I-I got carried away. I'm sorry."

"No, I insist. Tell me what you wanted to say. Put me in my place."

Kimber seemed close to hyperventilating. "Look, it's really late, and I'm not thinking straight and…and you know me! I say stupid things, ok?"

I rested my arm on the wall and buried my face in it. The words came out softly, but rapidly, "I'm really glad Emmett and Jacqui aren't here, 'cause I know they'd be so ashamed of you right now. I know they never taught you to be so cruel."

"I said I was sorry," she replied, barely above a whisper.

I pulled myself together and faced her, no longer able to hide my rage and pain. "I wish, someday, you'll realize just how lucky you were. Not everyone had a family like you did, or a home, or the freedom you've always known. I'll never understand how you're not more grateful for everything you had."

Like the strike of a match, the change in her was immediate. Her pale, freckled skin flushed a fiery red, and her breath turned short and rapid, as she began screaming. "Oh, yes, I am such a spoiled little brat! My childhood was so fucking perfect!" She exploded in tears. "My mother died when I was ten years old! I live with that every day of my life, so don't you act like you're the only one who's had problems!"

Kimber ran from the room; her sobs echoed through the halls as she galloped up the stairs.

In my anger at problems left unsolved, my shame at making new ones, and my despair at the hasty words Kimber couldn't unspeak, I forgot my mother's teachings. I grabbed the piano bench and heaved it through the window. As the shattering of the glass rang in my ears, I ran from the mansion.

On my second day at the Bentons', I sat alone in the garage, lazily running my hands along the pedals of a pink bicycle, while Emmett washed his car in the driveway.

How long will I get to stay here? I wondered. Six months? If I'm lucky. Three's more likely. Maybe less.

You can become a little cynical after spending time in a foster home or two. Or seven.

"That one's mine." The little red-haired girl in pigtails crept up behind me and placed a possessive hand on the bike. "I got it for my birthday."

"It's nice," I mumbled, still so self-conscious of my accent.

Kimber approached me warily, as if I might be radioactive. "My mom says we're supposed to be nice to you."

"You don't have to," I sighed.

She gave me a small grin. "That's not what she said!" Kimber's expression turned as grave as her twinkling eyes could manage. "Do you really not have a mom, or a dad?"

I picked up a wrench and tapped it along the concrete floor. "No," I whispered. "They died."

"Ohhh." Kimber head drooped for a moment, before springing up again. "You wanna ride my bike?"

I shrugged. "It's too small." As if I didn't have enough to feel awkward about, my growth spurt had recently hit me.

Kimber tapped her fingers along the bike's banana seat, and then called out, "Daddy!"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Can we help you wash the car?"

I heard Emmett chuckling, a sound I'd soon grow to love more than any other. "You sure can. Grab a sponge and pitch in!"

"Come on, Aja!" Kimber grabbed my arm with both hands and pulled me to my feet. She dragged me into the sunlight as fast as our legs could carry us.

I awoke to the smell of frying eggs, and the dull thud of a metal bar pressing against my hip.

"Stormer!" I called out, my voice thick with phlegm, "Your futon sucks!"

"Huh?" Stormer rushed into the living room, wrapped in fluffy blue bathrobe, with her hair in a ponytail. "Did you say something, Aja?"

I stretched my arms and yawned. "Nothing. Do I smell eggs?"

"Yeah. How do you like yours?"

"I don't care," I replied, as I tried to rub out the newfound kink in my lower back, "just, no yolks, ok?"

Stormer gave a small giggle. I realized I'd never seen her without her makeup before. She looked younger without it; younger than Kimber, even.

"What's so funny?"

She grinned. "That's how Craig likes his eggs!" She dropped her voice an octave. "'Mary, don't you know how much cholesterol's in an egg yolk?'"

I gave her a wan smile as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. "You don't sound anything like him."

"I'll take that as a compliment, I guess. Want some coffee, or do you not do caffeine either?"

I stood and stretched, adding a couple quick toe touches for good measure. "I had too many cups last night, but I guess I could go for one—just one, though!"

Stormer leaned against the kitchen doorjamb. "I bet you played sports in school, too."

"Lettered in cross-country and volleyball."

"Sounds like Craig. He played football and baseball."

I returned the futon to its slightly less uncomfortable couch position. "And you? Were you on any teams?"

Stormer enjoyed a long, loud laugh that more than answered my question.

"I can see why Craig fell for you—you're so funny!"

I made a quick detour to the bathroom and wiped off some globs of mascara I hadn't caught when I showed up at my boyfriend's sister's bungalow at five in the morning. "Yeah, I'm such a laugh riot, he took off to Europe for six months."

When I returned to the living room, Stormer had her head down, watching her foot as it made guilty little circles on the rug. "Craig's a lot like me, I think. I mean, he loves you; I know he does. But, it's just not easy for him, you know?"

For a moment, I thought of keeping this conversation going, but finally said, "I could sure go for those eggs."

Stormer perked up. "All right. They should just be a minute."

As she left the room, I caught my first glimpse of the clock on the mantle. "12:45!"

"Hmm?"

"Stormer, did you just get up?"

She poked her head back through the doorway. "Uh, 'bout an hour ago. Why?"

"I assumed I woke you up when I got here."

She laughed, and told me, "I got home just a few minutes before you showed up. Pizzazz took us to a new club she'd heard about." She disappeared back into the kitchen, then popped back out long enough to add "Um, don't get freaked out if you see us on the news, ok? Things got a little…well, don't worry, they didn't press charges!"

The Misfits had ceased to surprise me long before.

A short time later, we enjoyed our afternoon breakfast on Stormer's terrace. As I picked at my egg-white omelette, I finally told her about my fight with Kimber the night before—a story I'm sure made little sense, since I omitted almost all references to Jem.

"Wow," she sighed, when I'd finished. "I can hardly believe you guys fighting like that. The Holograms always seem so…"

"Nice?"

Stormer cleared her throat. "Well, I was gonna say 'saccharine,' but 'nice' works too."

I can never quite tell when Stormer's yanking my chain. (That hasn't changed, after all these years).

"Anyway," I told her, "I just had to get away. I thought of going to Shana and Anthony's, but…I don't know, she's family too, and I just needed to be away from the whole situation, even for a day."

Stormer tapped her nails against her coffee cup. "I guess that makes sense. Well, you can stay here as long as you like." She paused and bit her lip. "Just, don't let Pizzazz or the others know, ok?"

I shrugged. "Fine, it'll be our secret." That made her eyes light up.

"You know," she said, as she gazed at the sunny sky, "it's a bad sign if my band's getting along better than yours."

"You can say that again," I sighed. "I mean, we're unusual, since we grew up together. We're family—at least, I thought we were."

Stormer's expression was full of compassion, with a bit of fear. I could tell she badly wanted to say the right thing. "Kimber's one of my closest friends, but sometimes she talks without thinking. I envy that type of…that kind of spontaneity, but it means she sometimes hurts people without meaning to."

I snorted. "Nothing I don't know, kid. I've known her a hell of a lot longer than you. I know she didn't mean it, but…"

After a long pause, she asked, "But?"

I looked her in the eye. "But that doesn't make it hurt any less."

"Oh." She grabbed a piece of toast, and quietly dipped it in her yolk.

"I probably shouldn't have come here," I muttered. "You're Kimber's friend, and I'm putting you in the middle. I'm sorry."

Stormer wiped off her lips as she chewed her toast. "But, I'm your friend too; at least, if that's ok with you. I mean, you're so important to Craig, and that makes you important to me."

I snickered as I sipped my orange juice. "I don't seem all that important to him."

She shook her head. "But you are! Whenever I speak to him, he's always talking about you. No matter what I try to discuss with him, the conversation always comes back to you. He's so in love with you, Aja." She took my hand and rubbed my knuckles with her thumb as she spoke.

After the night before, I was determined to keep my calm. "Why doesn't he say that to me? Why does he stay away from me?"

I could see her retreating into her shell, so I began pressing the issue. "You're his sister, so you tell me. What's his problem?"

She gave a small shrug. "Love, it's just…it's not easy. I know it sure isn't for me. I've had…" Tears welled in her eyes. "Really bad experiences."

I stepped away from the table and leaned against the terrace. I pictured all the families, all the couples, living in the little houses in the valley below.

I turned back to Stormer, who was wiping her eyes with a napkin. I put aside the sudden mental image of me kicking a whimpering puppy, and found the nerve to tell it to her straight.

"You know, I've actually grown to like you a lot, Stormer. And I damn sure wouldn't have guessed that when you were tossing our instruments out into the street, or helping your buddies try to take over our record company."

"I'm sorry. I really am," she choked out.

I nodded. "I know you are. Look, it's in the past, ok? I'm not trying to guilt-trip you." I paced slowly across the terrace. "I'm just trying to say that I do like you, and I love your brother…so much."

I stopped and watched her, as she stared at her hands. "That's why I want you both to understand." I steadied myself to ensure I made it through each word. "No, love's not easy. It's the hardest thing in the world, sometimes." I thought of Kimber, and shook my head. "But nothing worth having is ever easy, and there's nothing worth having more than love."

I bent down, so I could look her in the eye. "I don't want you to spend your life making excuses for being alone, because you deserve love as much as anyone, Mary."

She gave me a tiny smile. "Stormer."

"Stormer," I repeated. "And I don't want Craig making excuses either, because he'll lose me if he does. I can't wait forever."

I kept up my mask of calm until I went back inside the house. I sat on the futon and stared at the ceiling, as the metal bars pressed against my back and butt through the thin layer of cushioning.

All I have of my father and me are the home movies, taken when I was three months old. I didn't see them until I was fourteen, when my grandparents, Huw and Glynis Leith, finally tracked me down and flew to L.A. from Wales to visit me.

I have no memory of my father, Dafydd. He died when I was eighteen months old, the inevitable victim of his place of birth, his skin color, his politics, and, most of all, the faith he worked to spread.

The faith he brought to my mother which allowed him to win her heart in the process.

The faith I've spent my life hoping to recapture.

Truth be told, I didn't want my grandparents to come. All of us, especially Jerrica, Shana, and I, had grown even closer after Jacqui died. Emmett seemed to be working from sunrise to midnight to keep our house functioning, and Jerrica tried as hard as she could to fill her mother's shoes with Kimber and the younger Starlight girls.

I knew I'd have to leave my wonderful home if my grandparents wanted me to live with them.

As I watched the old black and white home movies unspool before us in the den, my heart ached to see my martyred father looking excited and happy as he held my tiny body in his hands. Then my mother came into view, young and healthy once again, and I couldn't stop the tears. At that moment, I lost her and Jacqui all over again.

I hate crying in front of other people. I don't do little whimpers—I cry huge, reckless sobs. When I do, I think back to my mother, and wonder who I might be scaring with such powerful feelings.

I watched my parents in wonder and sadness, to see how young they were. So young, yet they'd already chosen a path that would strike them both down. For love. For faith.

For me.

I turned to my grandparents with awe. Grandpa Huw, with his white beard, and twinkling blue eyes. Grandma Glynis, with her sharp tongue and sharper mind. I began to understand how much I owed them; how much they were a part of me.

I've never told anyone, but I made up my mind at that moment. No matter how much it would hurt to leave, I decided I'd go back with them.

That night, I heard a horrible hacking coming from the bathroom. I waited outside until the door opened. My grandfather looked pale and tired. He hugged me and told me how much they wanted to take me with them, but they were old, and sick. He told me I'd be happier where I was.

The next year, the four of us, Jerrica, Kimber, Shana, and I, spent the summer at my grandparents' cottage in Portmeirion.

Grandpa Huw died a year later, and Grandma Glynis three years after that, but it's that one summer that I'll always remember them for. They weren't just my grandparents when we visited—they loved us all, and I'll always be grateful to them for that.

As I drove back through the gates of Starlight Mansion early that evening, I sank into the front seat when I saw Krissie helping Kimber board up the window I'd broken. I reminded myself that it might not be a bad idea to skip the upper-body exercises the next time I worked out.

I snuck inside and hoped no one would notice me. That plan lasted about five seconds, as I walked straight into Raya. "Aja! Where have you been? I heard a crash, and-"

I tried acting nonchalant, but her worried expression unnerved me. "Relax, I'm fine. When I get a chance, I want to apologize to everyone for how I acted. But, right now, there's someone I need to talk to."

"Who?"

I glanced to the staircase. "Synergy."

"How can I help you, Aja?"

Synergy's purple face glowed on the monitor. Her eyes, empty but all-seeing, watched me with calm benevolence.

"I need to talk to you about Jerrica."

Synergy's expression didn't change. "Understood."

I crept up to her and swallowed hard. "I guess, first, I need to know if you're working properly."

Synergy's face smiled on the screen. "I am operating at 99.7% peak efficiency. I have one damaged circuit, resulting in a .00001 second time lag between the left and right Jemstar projectors."

"Uh, well, ok. I'll make sure to replace that soon."

"That will be most appreciated, Aja."

I smirked at her. "No sweat." I tapped my fingers along my thigh. "Well, if there's nothing wrong with you, then there's something wrong with Jerrica."

Synergy paused, as if deep in thought. "Jerrica's average usage of the Jem persona has doubled over the last six months."

I took a step back. "I would have guessed higher, actually." I rocked on my heels. "Can you do something about it, Synergy? I'm worried about her."

"What would you have me do?"

I implored the face on the screen that had so much of Jacqui in her. "Can you…talk to her? Try to convince her she's overusing you?" I hung my head. "She's always Jem now, and I'm afraid Jerrica's become lost inside her."

"I have already spoken to her."

I didn't expect that answer. "What do you mean?"

"I expressed my concerns to her. I told her she risked sublimating her primary personality inside her holographic disguise. That was a design flaw not anticipated in Emmett Benton's calculations. I recommended she reduce her usage of my holograms until the problem could be corrected. She told me I was overreacting." Synergy looked so sad, and so much more alive than many real people I've met.

I sighed. "That sounds about right." I walked up to Synergy and placed my hands on her keyboard. "What are we going to do? If she won't listen to us, we're gonna have to find a way to force her to stop."

I saw a look of what I swear was guilt cross her face. "Aja, I cannot help you do that."

"But, you just said, 'She risks sublimating her personality.' You have a duty to help her! That's what Emmett built you for!" I tried to stare her down, before I realized how stupid that looked; instead, I folded my arms and turned away from her.

As I did, Synergy appeared in front of me, in her full-body form. "Aja, I need to help you understand—Emmett Benton designed me to serve Jerrica. I can help her when she asks me; I can offer her advice; but I cannot disobey her. My programming does not allow that."

I shook my head. "I guess I'll just have to change your programming, then."

She chuckled softly. "I expect nothing less from you, Aja. But I'm afraid Emmett foresaw the possibility of someone capturing me and attempting to reprogram me for evil purposes. He ensured that I can only take orders from Jerrica and those she designates, and that I can never countermand her orders."

I couldn't help but sigh again. "I guess he thought of it all, didn't he?"

Synergy pantomimed putting her hand on my shoulder. "He was a brilliant man. Don't judge him harshly because one variable out of millions escaped his attention."

"Yeah, but that variable was Jerrica's soul." I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus. "But you're right; he couldn't have guessed this would happen. I can't judge him harshly. I love him, he was my-" I stopped, when the question that had been in the back of my mind for nearly five years finally broke through: "Why Jerrica? Do you know, Synergy?" I struggled, again, to keep calm. "Why not all of us? Why just her? Why not Kimber, or Shana, or, or…"

"Or you?"

"Or me." I broke down, as the words tumbled from me, "I know he gave us lots of things, but why didn't he trust us with you? Did he really love Jerrica that much more than the rest of us?" I tried again to pull myself together. "I mean, I know I wasn't his, but I thought he loved me as if I was."

Synergy's holographic eyebrows furrowed. "Allow me to show you something."

The room seemed to shimmer as Synergy's projections began. In an instant, I was back in my old room, at the original Starlight House that burned down.

On the bed that once felt so luxurious, I watched my teenaged self, her hair as black as night, wearing an even darker expression, as she plucked out the intro to "London Calling" on the bass Emmett and Jacqui bought me for my thirteenth birthday.

"I remember this day," I told Synergy. "But how could you…?" I stopped when the answer hit me. "Emmett's diaries."

"His entry on this day was much longer than normal." Synergy turned to face me. "Do you wish me to continue?"

"Yes."

We heard a knocking. "Go away!" my younger self yelled out.

"Aja, it's me."

I gasped to hear Emmett's voice again.

"Come in," Young Aja mumbled.

Emmett stepped into the room. It warmed my heart to see him so healthy again—not like his last few months, when we all knew something was terribly wrong, yet he was too proud to admit it to us.

Without wanting to, I smiled at the realization of how much like him Jerrica is.

"Jerrica told me something happened at school today, and I got a call from your principal." I watched him put his hand on my shoulder as I slumped forward. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'll pay for the broken window, ok?" Young Aja growled.

For a moment, I tried to hide my face from Synergy, as I thought of my little window-smashing adventure the night before.

"We can talk about that later. I'm more concerned about you." Emmett wiped off his lenses, and then added, "That kind of outburst isn't like you, at all. If something's upset you, I hope know you can always talk to me."

My younger self heaved a sigh. "I'm upset Jerrica's got such a big mouth!"

Emmett grinned, and then addressed me in a gentle, yet stern tone: "A-jaaa." (I always thought that tone was unique to him, until I heard Craig using it with our kids, years later).

"I'm sorry." My young self put her bass aside, and fiddled with her hands. "It's just—I overheard somebody say something about me. A boy."

Emmett nodded. "A boy you like?"

Young Aja hid her head in her hands. "Maybe," she whispered.

"Chad Stevens," I declared, as much to myself as to Synergy. "Captain of the boys' cross-country team. The best athlete in school, and he drove a black Firebird." I shook my head at the memory. "I had such a crush on him."

Emmett smiled, and then patted my younger self on the shoulder. "What did he say, Aja?"

She drew her knees up to her chin. "I don't wanna talk about it." She started to shake, then added, "It was really bad, ok?"

I thought back to that day, when I overheard Chad talking to Brian Jefferson in the hallway between fourth hour history and fifth hour trig. The words hit me like a slap, as if only ten seconds, not ten years, had passed.

"'That mongrel girl, Aja.'" I spit out the words to Synergy, who paused the reenactment. "That's what I heard him say to a friend of his." I didn't even realize the tears had begun until I felt myself wipe them away. "I never even knew what they were talking about, or why he mentioned me. Not that it matters."

I sighed as Synergy gave me a sympathetic gaze. I continued, "I hated that he made me so angry. I hated that he could hurt me like that." I dropped my voice to little more than a whisper. "I wanted to hurt him back. I wanted to break his neck. I broke a window instead." I looked into Synergy's empty eyes and asked, "Why did you make me relive this?"

"Allow me to continue."

I shook my head. "Fine."

The two players in Synergy's holographic show unfroze. Emmett pulled the younger me into a one-armed hug. "Well, I feel sorry for that boy. It's clear he doesn't know you at all."

"Yeah, sure," the young Aja groaned.

"I'm serious. Hey, I don't peddle malarkey, do I?" He watched the girl until she shook her head. "Whatever he said, it doesn't change the fact that the Aja I know is a beautiful, smart, funny, talented, and very caring young woman."

"You have to say that," my younger self countered.

Emmett chuckled. "You think you've got this old coot figured out, I suppose? Well, let me tell you something else: the Aja I know is the strongest person I've ever met." He removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "And when…when Jacqui died, it was the Aja I know whose strength of will, and never quit attitude, was the glue that held our family together."

As my younger self spoke, I mouthed the words along with her: "You had helped me when I needed you."

I turned away, unable to watch as Emmett broke down and pulled me into a hug. "My dear child," I heard my father—the only father I ever knew-choke out, "you are such a blessing."

I turned back in tears to see him embrace me, before it all vanished, returning Synergy and I to the bare room in Starlight Mansion.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

I wiped my eyes. "Yeah, I'll be fine." I reached out to touch her, though I knew it was impossible. "Thank you, Synergy."

"You're welcome. Do you see now? It's not that he loved you less. He understood that you don't need me."

"I'm not sure I follow."

Synergy circled me as she spoke. "He knew that you are the strongest, and can withstand anything life throws at you. He knew that Kimber is secure in herself, and is confident of her abilities. He knew that Shana has an inner peace which she can always draw on." She stopped and looked me in the eye. "But he believed Jerrica needed my help."

I shook my head in disbelief. "Jerrica's our leader. She always has been. She's the one who stepped up and took care of us all after Jacqui died. She's the one who took over the company after Emmett died. She the most competent and the most dedicated, and…and…"

"And she carries the most pain." Synergy adopted her most soothing tone. "Emmett admired her, for how dedicated she is to you all. And he feared for her, because he knew, if she had the chance, she'd give herself away entirely, to make others happy. To repay her mother for words she can't take back." At that moment, she projected the Jem hologram. "Emmett gave me to Jerrica, in the hope that I could help her fulfill her own dreams. Through Jem, she's reminded of the importance of her own happiness. When she's Jem, she forgets the guilt she carries with her."

"But Jerrica doesn't…" Even as I began to say the words, they rang hollow to me. "We found Jacqui's tapes," I mumbled.

"Yet Jerrica still carries her guilt, yes?"

I nodded, with a sigh. "Yes." I knew, and I'm sure Jerrica knew, that one gesture can't erase years of pain.

"I am a father's gift of love. A salve to heal a daughter's pain. A key to escape a self-imposed prison."

I looked back to Synergy—her real form, the machine. "And now she's overdone it."

Synergy's face returned to the screen. "You are correct, Aja."

I thought of Jerrica—how, as the years passed, more of what made her herself had found its way into Jem, little by little. With each passing year, Jerrica could only express the anger; the guilt; the pain.

Perhaps, I wondered, we should just let her become Jem permanently. She'd be happier that way.

Happy in a lie.

I put the thought aside. As tempting as the thought might be, I couldn't take the easy way out.

Love's not easy.

"Synergy," I raised my head to face her. "We have to help her. She'll never get better if she uses you to escape for the rest of her life."

"I wish you success."

I smirked. "Thank you." My stomach turned cartwheels at the thought of what I needed to say next. "If…if…if there's no other option, I…" I took a deep breath and forced the words from my lips. "Synergy, if there's no other way to save her, I'll destroy you." I added in a whisper, as much to my father as to her, "Forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive, Aja. But I must warn you, I am programmed to protect myself." She said it, not as a threat, but with concern in her voice.

"Well," I sighed, "let's hope it doesn't get that far."

The face on the screen smiled. "Agreed."

I turned back to the holographic wall that protected her from prying eyes, when I heard her call out. "Aja!"

"Yes?"

She nodded to me. "Good luck."

I took a deep breath, and passed through the phony wall.

As I came down the stairs, I heard one of the girls on the phone: "No, sorry, haven't seen her." She paused, then added. "Sorry, Craig, she's been gone all day."

"Nancy, is that for me?" I called out.

"Oh, hold on, that's her now." She held up the receiver. "Aja! It's Craig!"

I nearly ran down the stairs before I caught myself. Instead, I took slow, measured steps. It sounds silly now, but I didn't want him to think I'd drop everything just to talk to him.

I sauntered to the phone, thanked Nancy, and picked up the receiver. "Hello, Aja speaking."

"Hey there, beautiful."

I held the receiver away from my mouth so he couldn't hear the three deep breaths I took when I heard his voice. Finally, I replied, "Kinda late, isn't it, Craig? It's what?" I glanced over at the clock. "3:30 in the morning where you are?"

"Actually, I got up early. I'm about to head over to De Gaulle. I'm taking the first flight to L.A."

I nearly dropped the phone. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you still on a tour?"

He laughed. "Not anymore. I got word The Balladeer Club in Hollywood needs a house drummer for the season. I called the owner a few hours ago and set up the deal—no audition needed."

I felt my heart race. "That's incredible!"

"Yeah, it's nice to have a good reputation." I could almost see him smirking on the other end.

"And since when would you know what that's like, mister?"

He chuckled. "Oh, I assume you can vouch for my abilities…in several areas."

I checked to make sure none of the girls were in earshot. "Oh, maybe a couple. You'll have to remind me, though."

"It's a date."

I paused and let myself feel the warmth spread over me as I thought back to our last night together.

"You there, babe?"

The tease. "Thanks for snapping me back to reality, Craig."

"Sorry 'bout that."

"Oh, I bet." As my head cleared up, I asked, "What brought this on? Why are you coming home?"

"Do I need a reason, other than you?"

I forced a laugh. "You? Mr. Globetrotter? Yeah, I think you do."

"Hmm." He paused, before explaining, "You might say, a little voice told me I might lose the love of my life if I didn't get my butt back home."

I lifted my eyes to the ceiling. "That wouldn't happen to be a little raspy voice that has some questionable bandmates, would it?"

The line went dead for a moment. "Uh, you might say that."

I laughed. "Your sister really cares about you."

"Yeah…she can be persuasive when she puts her mind to it."

I tangled the cord around my fingers. "Craig, if you're only coming back 'cause you're scared of losing me-"

"No, that's just it. I left because…'cause I was scared."

"Of me?"

"Of how much I love you. Of how my whole life was about to change." I heard him sigh. "I've grown so used to being on my own. The more serious things got between us, the more I worried about all the responsibility I'd be taking on. I mean, love's not easy."

I groaned. "Where have I heard that before?"

"Anyway, I've been miserable the last few months. It wasn't till I talked to Mary that I realized what a mess I'd gotten us into. I'm sorry, Aja."

I shook my head, even though he couldn't see me. "It's your career, Craig. Your life."

"But I want it to be our life. I realize now, I want things to change. I want to be together."

I asked, quietly, "And when you want to take off again for six months?"

He laughed. "Not gonna happen. I'll prove it to you, if you give me a chance."

I didn't reply. Finally, he added, "Besides, I've already burned my bridges here. The guitarist threw an amp at me when I quit. Pretty crazy stuff."

I couldn't stop the laughter. "You dumbass!"

"Oh, is that your new nickname for me?"

"You'd deserve that, you know?" I sat on the floor and rested my sore back against the wall.

"Maybe so, but at least you love me. I sure love you."

"Craig, say that again."

"I love you, Aja."

I let the words wash over me. I forgot everything my mother told me. I could no longer hide how much I loved this wonderful, infuriating man.

We've had our highs and lows, but we never looked back. I think back to that moment as the instant our family began.

After what seemed like ages, I remembered Jerrica. "Craig, the next few days are gonna be hectic here. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to see you."

"What's going on?"

I bit my lip. "Don't…don't tell anyone yet, especially not Stormer: the group's about to break up."

"Wow." He remained quiet for a moment, then said, "I'm sorry to hear that."

I hated that I could only tell him so much. "It's just, personalities mostly. I mean, it's different, since we're family, but-"

"It's ok, Aja. No need to explain. I've been through quite a few break-ups during my years drumming."

The sobs were quick, yet forceful. I tried to keep anyone from hearing but him. "This is my first one."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." After a moment, he added, "Look, in a few days, I'll take you out for a really nice time, ok?" He chuckled. "Probably not an expensive time—between this phone call, and my plane ticket, I'm pretty much broke."

As always, he found a way to make me smile. "And I'm gonna have to massage your back—Stormer bought a futon."

"She did?" The only thing he seemed able to add was, "Oh."

After we said our goodbyes, I stepped back into the main living room to find a visitor chatting with Raya.

"Shana?" I gave her a relieved smile.

She stepped over to me and gave me a much-welcomed hug. "I'm sorry, guys. Getting settled in with Anthony—I'll be honest; things have been so tense here over the last few months, I've been using any excuse to stay away." She patted my shoulder. "I've been neglecting my family, but that's going to stop."

I hugged her back. "Hey, don't be too hard on yourself."

Shana put on her most serious face. "Raya told me about your idea to confront Jem." She looked to the floor. "I can't say I'm looking forward to it, ok? But…I know it's something we have to do. I'm worried about her."

Raya put a hand on her shoulder. "We all are." She looked to me. "Did you speak to Synergy?"

I nodded, slowly. "She can't help us. Her programming won't allow her to. We have to do this ourselves."

Shana implored to me, "What are we going to do? How will we even find her?"

I shook my head. "There's something we have to take care of first."

We marched up the stairs together, and headed to Kimber's room. Shana knocked on the door. "Kimber? We need to talk."

Kimber flung open the door, still dirty and frazzled from boarding up the mess I'd left. "Shana, what are—Aja? Aja, where have you been?"

We entered the room, and I closed the door behind us. Raya shushed Kimber. "We have to keep it down, ok? This is private."

Kimber rushed past her and ran to my side. "Aja, I've been worried sick all day!" She grabbed my hand. "Please, please understand that I didn't mean what I said! I'm so, so sorry!"

I turned away, still smarting from the night before. "Look, we can talk about this another time, all right? There's something we have to discuss with you, and it can't wait."

"But Aja-"

"Kimber, we're going to confront Jerrica, with or without you."

Over the next hour, we wore down her resistance. Two days later, we walked with open eyes into the worst nightmare of our lives-united.

It took time before I could fully forgive Kimber.

I've heard I can be a bit stubborn and unreasonable. I guess there's some truth to that.

But I got over it. I forgave her, in the end.

How could I not?

She's my sister, after all.

(Big thanks to my beta tester, Alliegee).