After going on a Kick-Ass fanfiction binge, I was assaulted by ideas and thoughts for days. So I decided to write the one that interested me the most. Obviously it's an AU, and will mainly follow the movie's plot but with elements from the comic book. The POV will shift between Dave, Mindy, and a general one. I won't really specify as to whose POV it will be, because frankly I think it'll be pretty obvious. I hope you all like it and reviews and critique are welcome.

I don't own anything.

"The movie is starting in ten minutes!"

God, could he be any more of a fucking douche?

"It's okay, we're cool! We're only going to miss the trailers."

I blame his father, really. The kid lacks discipline, nothing but a spoiled brat.

"Yeah, but I wanted to get some popcorn!"

Dear god, kill me now. I'm begging you!

"When we get in there, get Chris some popcorn, okay? What do you want to drink, want a Pepsi? And get him a Pepsi. I'll have an Icee. Mixed... like when they mix the red one and the blue one.

"And a pack of Twizzlers."

Turning away from the steering wheel that I had been glaring at for the past thirty minutes, I gave the man the biggest fake smile I could muster.

"No problem, boss!"

When I get home, I'm definitely going to hang myself.

Some of you might be wondering as to who I am. You're probably imaging that I'm some 6'5, 300 pound black guy when actually I'm pretty much the exact opposite. My name's Dave Lizewski and I'm the personal body-guard for the biggest pussy on the planet; Chris D'Amico, son of Frank D'Amico. Now, Frank is a known Mafia crime-lord; you can see his face on newspapers from time to time and hear his name talked about in grubby alleys where small-time crooks whisper about his success with obvious envy.

I met Frank when I was twelve years old and had completely owned his son in a Taekwondo tournament, leaving the little shit on the mat crying for his mother. Frank had stared me down for a good minute and a half and my dumb-ass hadn't even tried to back down from the imposing man. After an awkward moment of my father staring between me and the man, wondering if he should say anything or not, Frank had chuckled and patted me on the head.

"You've got spunk, kid."

A few years later after my mother died and my father drank himself into a coma, Frank offered me a job. He had been keeping tabs on me, for what reason I still don't know, and had decided to toss me a bone. So after proving my skills against the previous body-guard, I was set up as one of the biggest bad-asses in his little syndicate. Years of throwing myself into training had been rewarding, and the black-belt was now for more than just for show and was actually paying off. The real reason I got the job was because I could "protect" him at school, something that the Principal hadn't allowed the previous body-guard to do, even under threats. Guy has balls.

"Jesus fuck! Are you even paying attention you idiot? Focus on the damn road!"

Chris's annoying voice brought me back to reality.

Sometimes I would even purposefully ignore the idiots brave (stupid) enough to bully the little shit. Those few, infrequent yelps of pain are like music to my ears.

"Is it gonna hurt?"

Sometimes I wonder if this is all worth it, all this training and pain. But then I do a back flip or spring board off a roof-top and all those thoughts vanish. I love doing what I do, and I love doing it with my daddy.

"Don't worry, you're gonna be fine baby-doll!"

And even though the idea of taking a bullet to the chest frightens me like it would anyone else, those few brief words give me all the reassurance I need. Above everything, I trust daddy.

But shit did it hurt.

At least we'll get to go to the bowling alley after this!

I could barely keep my face straight, but seeing the look of incredulity on daddy's face was just way too funny. Luckily I was able to keep my laughter down.

"Yeah I want a puppy! A cuddly fluffy one!"

Sure a puppy wouldn't be so bad, but with our lifestyle we probably wouldn't be able to take care of him.

"And a MovieStar Make-Over Sasha!"

Okay, I'm not going to be able to hold it in! The look of relief on daddy's face as I peeled in to laughter and explained that I was just fucking with him was a hundred times more funnier than the look he had after I said I wanted a dog.

"I'll be right back, dad. I'm gonna go grab some napkins."

I didn't bother leaving my sundae, If I finished it along the way I could probably get him to buy me another one, especially with my birthday so close.

"Why the fuck are we at a bowling alley?"

"Probably because you want to be here?"

"What! I never said I wanted to come here!"

"Yeah, well you said you wanted to do something fun, so here we are."

"You call this fun?"

I frowned at the loud voice. It sounded like some kid was arguing with his dad, what a cunt. Walking around the corner I immediately found myself bumping into a person, and when I bumped into a person I usually wasn't the one to get knocked down, but this time I was.

"Ouch! Watch where you're going idiot!"

I glared up at the scrawny guy standing above me, not even offering to help me up. I noticed that I no longer had my sundae in my hands, and my frown deepened. Not only did this douche knock me down, he made me drop my fucking sundae. He was definitely going to get a kick to the balls.

Just as I was about to let my leg find its target, another voice stopped me.

"You alright?"

He was crouched down and offering one of his hands, and in the other - my sundae.

"Yeah, sure."

Grabbing his hand, I let him help me up.

"You sure?"

Glaring at him, I reached out and quickly grabbed my sundae out of his hand. Am I sure? What did I look like some fragile little doll?

"Yes, dick. I'm sure!"

Rolling my eyes I walked around them and went to the counter to grab the napkins and wolf down the rest of my sundae. I wasn't going to ask daddy to get me an extra one, those two clowns ruined my appetite.

As I walked back to our seat I noticed that the taller one that had helped me up was looking in my direction, the fuck did he want?

"Kids these days, huh Dave? No manners."

That was the one that knocked me over and he looked like he was barely holding back his guts from his stupid joke, what a tool.

"Hey!" They both looked towards me and I stared the scrawny one down for a second before lifting up my hand and letting the bird fly. The scrawny one looked indignant but "Dave" was grinning.

As I walked away, the final thing I heard from them was definitely coming from "Dave."

"Well, how does it feel to be told off by a middle-school girl, Chris?"

I couldn't help but grin.

"So, how many comics can I get today?"

I ignored him in favor of reading up on some older issues of Spider-Man. Between guarding Chris, school-work, and going out on late-night runs to help out with Frank's business I hardly ever got any time to actually read comics nowadays. It fucking sucked.

"Heh, I bet I could just buy the whole fucking store."

Yeah, sure. That sounds like a great idea. Frank was an intelligent man, Angie was a smart woman, so why was Chris such a fucking retard?

There was a sudden silence and I looked up warily. Sudden silences were never a good thing, especially not in my line of work. Looking up I noticed that every guy seemed to be looking towards the door and I guessed as to why.

Chris was as much of a comic-book fan as I had been in my younger days and we visited the Atomic Comics every week. Normally, the place was filled with geeky guys trying to buy their favorite comics or just hanging out with their friends, drinking coffee. Girls weren't all that uncommon here, I mean they read comic books too, y'know? But hot girls on the other hand, that was a whole different story. Most of them didn't want to be caught dead in a place like this.

Katie was apparently different. She would walk into this place like she didn't have a care in the world, smiling and waving at anyone and everyone. She would grab the comics she wanted, drink the coffee she thirst for and then leave with a smile. About 99% of the guys that frequented here had a crush on her.

And who could blame them.

"Chris, Dave, how are you guys?"

The fact that Chris and I knew her meant that we were pretty much the envy of nearly every guy here. We weren't popular by any means, but we weren't so low on the High-School Hierarchy that we were shunned by people. Chris tended to get more of the attention simply because he was rich, but the fact that I was forced to be around him pretty much all day meant that I would get some attention as well.

The real reason Katie of all people talked to us was because I had helped her study for Biology, Chris was insanely jealous about that.

"Hey, Katie. Here to buy some comic-books?"

Chris acting smooth was like watching a fish trying to walk on dry land. Meaning; that shit wasn't happening. Katie giggled a little at his stupidity and decided not to mention that there wouldn't really be any other reason as to why she was here.

"Yeah, Chris. I heard about Twilight: The Graphic Novel, so I came to see if they had it in stock. The books were great, so I bet they'll be even better with depictions!"

Dear god. Twilight: The Graphic Novel? I sincerely hope they don't actually have that here. Looking over at Katie, who was now looking through the rows of comic books in a vain search for her girly comic, I couldn't help but notice just how attractive she really was. She wasn't "hot," like most guys described her as, but "beautiful." She didn't dress like a slut and certainly didn't act like one. She was nice and down to earth and that was probably why I was so attracted to her. Glancing up at her face I froze at the slight discoloration I could see around one of her eyes.

Holy shit. Someone had given Katie Deauxma, the nicest girl in this entire fucking city, a black-eye. Before I could even register what I was doing I found myself walking towards her.

"Hey, Katie. You alright?" I gestured towards my own face vaguely and the look of horror that briefly contorted her face was something for concern.

She grabbed my arm and led me farther into the rows of comic books, looking around wildly before reaching into her purse and grabbing a hand-mirror and staring into it, turning her face so she could get a clear look at herself.

"Dammit," she cursed to herself before giving me a wary look. "Listen Dave, you can't tell anyone about this!"

Nodding, I continued to stare at her expectantly.

Sighing, she put away her mirror and make-up and then lead me even further into the back of the shop where most of the older comics could be found.

"I got this from my ex-boyfriend. He's been following me around, calling me late at night, and sending me threats!"

"Have you tried calling the police?"

"Yeah, but Rasul's part of some sort of gang, so they're really wary of going after him and because he hasn't really done much of anything and because I can't prove that he gave me the black-eye they're not really willing to risk it."

Holy shit, Katie sure did pick a winner. How a sweet girl like her got into a relationship with a street-thug I'll never know.

"Listen, the only reason I'm telling you this is because you saw it and I couldn't just lie to you. So don't tell anyone, okay? Not even to Chris, I know you guys are like best friends, but please don't!"

The idea of Chris and I being friends, let alone best friends, was laughable. I didn't bother to correct her because it would lead to a whole lot of questions I didn't want to, or could, answer.

"Mum's the word."

Smiling, she thanked me before briskly walking away and out of the store.

And then like an incoming train, the name of her boyfriend hit me.

Rasul.

Rasul the drug-dealer.

Rasul the drug-dealer that worked for Frank.

Rasul the drug-dealer that I was going to meet up with later this week to get our monthly cut.

Holy Shit.