Chapter 30-the Epi and beyond...

I can't stop looking at my ring.

It's so perfectly me.

And the fact that Edward knew exactly what to get, makes me extraordinarily happy.

The wedding is getting close and my moods are all over the place.

I feel like such a girl, trying on my dress and picking flowers.

The day is going to be perfect.

Except for someone to walk me down the aisle.

But as soon as I tell Edward about it, he has solved the dilemma.

Jake is strong enough to hold me up when I want to run to my handsome groom standing at the end of the aisle.

It is so hard to keep my secret inside, knowing how happy the news will make Edward.

But seeing the tearful smile on his face when I finally do tell him I'm pregnant…

There are no words.

*()*()*

Two weeks after the wedding, I get out of bed and feel weird.

Seeing the blood on the toilet paper was devastating.

Seeing it month after month was torture.

All I wanted to do was give my husband a child.

And I couldn't.

As if I needed to fail at something else.

*()*()*

Sitting in the car, knowing Edward is semi-kidnapping me, I still find it hard to get excited.

We should have a car seat in the back by now.

I should be covered in baby throw-up and poop.

But I'm not.

There are no gentle flutters inside me as our child stretches and grows.

There is nothing.

And it's my fault.

*()*()*

How Edward managed to make the outside world disappear, I'll never know.

His dominance and strength was what I needed to find myself again.

We will get pregnant.

And if we don't…well, I know Edward will move heaven and earth to get us a baby.

*()*()*

I'm pregnant.

It took forever, but I'm pregnant.

Those little kicks and nudges are more amazing than I thought possible.

I'm growing our child.

And watching Edward kiss and snuggle my ever-expanding belly is awe-inspiring.

And I find myself saying 'aww' frequently.

*()*()*

Life can change in the blink of an eye.

One minute, we're listening to the baby's heart beat on the monitor, Edward holding me up as I breathe through a contraction.

The next, I'm being wheeled down the hall, people moving around me frantically.

Something cold rushes through my IV line and then all I see is darkness.

I never even got to kiss Edward goodbye.

I never told him to take care of our child.

I never told him I loved him.

That he was the best thing that ever happened to me.

That his determination to be a better person was tremendous and inspired me.

As the fog clears, and I feel the pain in my throat and the numbness across my belly, I realize I will still get the chance to tell him all those things.

*()*()*

I can see that though Edward has faced countless trials and overcome tremendous struggles…

Telling me that I won't be able to have any more children is by far the hardest thing he has ever done.

The pain is brushed aside for the moment when he puts our child on my chest.

Our daughter.

Our Faith.

And although I know I'll need to deal with the fact that I'm now half a woman, the sweet-smelling bundle in my arms is a distraction I can't pass up.

*()*()*

The phantom flutters are the worst.

As I lay in bed, listening to the soothing sound of Edward snoring next to me and Faith's air purifier through the monitor, I place my hands on my belly and remember what it felt like to have little feet kicking.

And then I turn on my side and cry, because I'll never feel that again.

*()*()*

The bitter wind blowing through Bangor cuts right through me.

My heart aches being away from Edward and Faith.

I think if I hadn't been walking so slowly, I would have passed right by her.

Her muffled cough somehow makes its way through the howling wind and I see her face looking back at me.

Those big, gray eyes, filled with too much pain for someone so young met mine…and that was all it took.

*()*()*

Watching as Sara gave birth was overwhelming and yet completely heartbreaking.

The moment she saw him, I knew she couldn't give him up.

I've experienced the power of a mother's love.

There is no greater emotion.

Even Edward's voice through the phone line failed to calm me.

The only thing that could take away the pain was helping Sara care for her child.

He was so little.

His hair was so dark, so unlike Faith's reddish-blonde curls.

His eyes were dark as well.

And he was so breathtakingly beautiful.

Holding him in my arms when Sara was sleeping was a gift I will never be able to repay.

I could see the indecision and guilt in Sara's eyes when I handed him back to her.

She knew he would be better off with a family who could love and support him.

But she just couldn't give him up.

And that…I understood completely.

*()*()*

I let myself into the hotel room quietly, not sure if Sara and the baby were sleeping.

I unpacked the groceries I'd got at the store.

I dreaded the hotel bill when I finally went home, but Edward had assured me it was fine.

Thinking I'd catch a quick nap as well, I stopped just outside the bedroom door when I heard Sara's quiet voice coming from inside.

"I know you deserve a better life, little angel. I know I can't give you the things you need. But the thought of not being with you, of not seeing you grow up…I can't do it," she whispered, her voice cracking as she spoke to her son.

It was then that I knew what we had to do.

*()*()*

"Are you sure your husband will be okay with this? I mean…a baby I can understand, but why would he want to take in a teenager, too?" Sara asks for the third time since we crossed into Montana.

We'd been in the car for three days now, having to stop frequently to change and feed the baby.

We were about thirteen hours away from Seattle, and I was planning on driving straight through the night so I could finally see my family again.

"Sara, Edward is the kindest, most generous man I've ever met. I'm sure once you see him, you'll realize he is nothing more than a giant teddy bear," I reply, looking in the rearview mirror at our fussy little passenger.

I took a deep breath and prayed that my instincts were right and having a man like Edward in her life would change Sara's outlook.

Because there was no better example of what a man should be, than my Edward.

*()*()*

Holding Aiden and Faith in my arms was overwhelmingly perfect.

But knowing how frightened and uncomfortable Sara was made me cut our reunion short.

I wanted to get her settled.

And then I wanted to kiss my husband until he couldn't see straight.

How he knew to set up the crib in Sara's room, was beyond me.

He was always so thoughtful and intuitive.

I could only hope Sara would one day see him as the father figure she so desperately needed.

*()*()*

Three Years Later

"Can I…can I talk to Edward for a second?"

I turn and look at Sara standing in our bedroom doorway.

She's home for Christmas break.

It took some convincing, but we managed to get her to apply to New York Fashion Academy, conveniently located just two hours away in Seattle.

Her innate sense of fashion and ability to make something beautiful out of a pile of scraps was just too special to be ignored.

She was doing wonderfully in her classes and her professors had nothing but good things to say about her.

Not seeing Aiden everyday was hard on her, but we Skyped and he talked to her on the phone all the time.

He was happy his momma Sara was doing what she loved.

I watch as Edward follows her out into the hall and try not to get jealous that she wanted to speak to him and not me.

When he comes back in ten minutes later, red-cheeked and sweaty, I can't stop from giving him the third degree.

"There's a fashion show at her school and they need…they need," Edward says quietly, his hands shaking as he picks up a t-shirt and starts to fold it.

"Spit it out! What do they need?" I sigh dramatically, ripping the shirt out of his hands before he wrinkles it to death.

"They need models and she asked me," he mumbles, his cheeks flushing full-blown crimson.

"Aw baby! Look at you! They want you to model in their fashion show? That is amazing! And you were worried you had put on weight," I say, smacking him on the arm.

"I can't believe she wants me," he whispers, once again showing how insecure he still is after all these years.

I climb up onto the bed and hold his face in my palms.

"Edward Cullen, you are beautiful inside and out. Anyone that knows you, loves you. And I thank God every day that you came into my life."

Pressing my lips to his, I seal my words with a kiss.

When you love someone, it shouldn't matter what size jeans they wear.

What matters is how big their heart is.

And Edward Cullen…well his heart is a XXL.

The cheese factor at the end there is epic…but I couldn't help it.

I'm so sad this is over…but so blessed that you came with me on this ride.

There are no words I can come up with that will show just how thankful I am for your support and love.

I love you isn't enough…but it's all I have.

Mwah!