Hey, dude!" America yelled into the phone after Russia greeted him.

"Ah, hello America. You don't want more tiny condoms, do you?" Russia asked with an amused voice.

"What? They weren't tiny! Anywhore, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out at one of my houses and swim with me today!" America said, excitedly.

"Ok. Where are you?"

"I'm in Texas! It was the biggest state before I bought Alaska from your ass."

"Yes, I know. I'll be there soon. And remember, Alaska was just the first step of you becoming one with mother Russia."

You see, nations have the ability to get to each other within minutes, no matter how far away. Anyway, back to the story.

Russia arrived at America's house in Texas. There was a note on the front door reading the following:

Dude, I'm already out back. You know where everything is, so get your ass changed and come on out.

~USA baby!

Ps, I left some extra trunks in the bathroom in case you forgot yours.

Russia entered the house and went straight to the bathroom to get changed. Once in there, he saw what trunks the idiot had left for him; they were more like a skimpy man whore speedo that France would wear with an American flag print. "Hell no." Russia said and pulled out his own regular trunks with the Russian flag on them. He took of his jeans and underwear and put them on. He discarded the solid red T-shirt he had been wearing, but he left his most beloved scarf right where it was around his neck. Once situated, he left for the back door to the pool. He walked outside.

America heard the door open and turned to greet his Russian friend, only to be blinded by an unknown light. He looked away.

"Hello, America." came the familiar, heavy accented voice.

America looked toward the door and was blinded again. Was Russia playing a prank in him? He heard the Russian get into the pool. Once again, he opened his eyes. He wasn't blinded this time, however, and he saw his friend's head bobbing out of the water.

"Uh, dude, did you see that really bright light just a minute ago?"

Russia put his arm up and scratched his head, showing part of his chest. "Nyet."

America was once again blinded. Then, he made the connection; the bright light was the sun was reflecting off of Russia's fluorescent white skin. "Damn, you are so pale!"

"It's not my fault." Russia pouted.

"We should get you a spray tan!"

"I don't know..." Russia said, nervously.

"C'mon! Everybody's doing it here." America argued.

"Hm... Okay." Russia stupidly agreed.

ONE DAY LATER

"Never again." Russia growled at America, who had decided to turn him into one of those Jersey Shore people the Americans were so obsessed with.

"Ahahahahahaha!" America couldn't stop laughing.

This is why Russia always wears a shirt when he goes swimming.